Lost Together
by Hitchy
Summary: Seth travels to Alaska to help Jake and Nessie settle in to their new home when they move away to attend school together.  A trip to the local corner store brings him face to face with Olivia, who suddenly becomes the centre of his world.
1. Sinking & Floating

**Hello lovely readers. This is the story of Seth and Olivia. **

**It's a companion fic to Wicked Games, a Jake and Nessie story. **

**You don't have to have read that to enjoy this, although it may help you fill in some gaps down the road. Thank you to all of you who followed me here from there. I've been really excited to get this fic started. I originally thought it would be about 5-10 chapters, but it looks like it's going to be a full length fic. **

_* A word of warning to readers who may be sensitive to the subject: there will be a chapter containing a description of date rape in this fic. It won't be vulgar, and I promise not to exploit the topic. I'll put a warning at the top of the chapter when the time comes, for those who would prefer to skip it._

**So, without further ado, I give you our first look at Olivia.**

**SM owns Twilight. Olivia's all mine.**

**Chapter 1 – Sinking & Floating**

**Olivia POV**

I sighed lightly as I reached up to stock the last few cartons of cigarettes on the shelf.

_Why do I always get stuck stocking the top shelves, when I'm the shortest one working here?_ I asked myself for what seemed like the millionth time. I reached up, standing on my toes, placing a pack on the edge of the top shelf, the only part I could reach, before bending down to get another one and placing it on the shelf directly in front of the first one. I pushed it lightly and felt and heard the two packs slide back, without falling over.

_Good, _I thought, _two down..., _I glanced at the box on the floor next to me and sighed again... _and about twenty more to go. _

I silently acknowledged that this had been a long afternoon. It had been slow all morning too. I was working a double today at De Hart's Auke Bay store. It was a convenience store and deli of sorts only about a minute off the University of Alaska Southeast campus. I was working the double as a favour to my friend Amber, who had been asked out on a date and needed me to cover for her. In exchange she was meeting with me to study for calculus. Amber was great in math, and I... wasn't. Well, not anymore anyway. I knew I would get it if I could just catch up... but I missed a lot of school the last couple of years, and although I had good grades and my high school teachers thought I would catch up without a problem, I was still struggling in math. That's why I was taking the summer course. It was the second to last week of August and I was getting ready for my calculus exam next week. I was taking the class so I could handle my first year math course that was mandatory in my undeclared major program at UAS.

Amber and I were supposed to meet at Spikes, the cafe on campus, after her shift ended tonight. We were still going to meet, but now _I_ would be coming from work and _she_ would be coming from her date with Matt... or was it Mark? With Amber it was hard to remember. She was gorgeous, and she knew it. Guys flocked to her... and she loved every second of it. She had gone on a lot of dates in the month and a half that I'd known her.

I've always been a bit envious of her. She was always so confident and handled herself so well around guys... whereas I was really shy and awkward, at best. Sometimes I wished I could be a little more like her, and be able to talk, laugh and hang out with guys without clamming up, but I knew I had a long way to go before I could do that. I frowned and felt my eyebrows crease together a bit as I heard my mom's words from almost two months ago echo though the back of my mind.

_It's time to move on Olivia, _she said quietly but seriously, _your father is right. You can't hide behind art and your hair forever. _

I knew she was right, and that my dad had a point. And if I was being completely honest with myself, I knew I wanted to _try_. It was just really hard for me. I had always been shy and kind of introverted. Okay, I was a lot introverted. And these past few years, after..._it ..._ I hardly spoke to anyone aside from my mom and dad, and the few acquaintances I met at my new school after I transferred there in the middle of my junior year. But I just couldn't find it in me to open up, and talk to anyone. I had a lot of trouble trusting people. I hadn't kept in touch with my girlfriends back at my old school after I transferred. None of them knew what had happened, or why my family suddenly moved an hour away to another school district mid-year. I didn't want to talk about it either. I was afraid of what they would want to know, and I didn't like thinking about it. I was also afraid of what they would think. Would they judge me for it? Would they say that it was my fault? And there was always the small voice at the back of my mind that wondered if maybe _he _was right about me...

I heard the bell above the door chime and got up from my squatted position behind the counter to greet the new customer and saw only a mop of short dark hair bob up and down a bit over the shelves as a man walked from the door, straight to the back of the store. I remembered thinking that he must have been quite tall for his head to be seen above the six foot tall shelves, even if I was standing on a raised platform behind the cash counter.

He seemed to be taking his time looking at the bread, so I turned and bent over to pick up the last five or six packs of cigarettes out of the box. I just had a few more to go, and then I would be done. I had to start getting ready to close up anyway. We were only open for another twenty minutes. I was glad that we closed at five in the evening during the summer. Jack, the owner, said that most of the store's business came from the university students, so summer months were slow, and we could close earlier. I was tired, and just wanted to curl up in a booth at Spikes with a hot peppermint tea and a bagel and study for my final, then head back to my dorm and get some sleep before I had to go to class in the morning.

I heard a booming car stereo turn off and the door jingle again just as I straightened up and began turning toward the new customer in the store. I had spun about half way toward the door, with a few packs of cigarettes in both of my hands, when I heard a voice that made me freeze in my tracks.

"I know, I got a new sub woofer and amp for my birthday. The sound is incredible."

I swallowed – hard. I felt my hands begin to shake and dropped the cigarettes.

_Travis._

_What is __**he**__ doing here?_ I asked myself frantically.

_Oh... oh no. _I felt my stomach drop with dread.

_What if he goes to UAS too? I thought he was supposed to go to down south to school for some kind of football scholarship?_

"Livvy?" I heard him say incredulously.

My skin crawled a bit as I heard him use the familiar short form of my name. My breaths started coming in short, shallow pants. If I wasn't careful I was going to make a spectacle of myself in front of him, and his friend. I hated any kind of attention. And I certainly didn't want any from _him_. I wanted him gone... or I wanted to be gone. I just needed to be away from him, as quickly as possible. But I was stuck there, behind the counter at work, and I couldn't just leave, even if I wanted to, or in this case... if I _needed _to. And I really needed to. I hadn't seen him since _that day_. And I didn't want to see him. Ever.

His light chuckle at my obvious distress snapped me out of it somewhat.

_OK, just breathe. Nice slow breaths. _I forced myself to inhale and exhale deeply twice, and it helped, even if they were shaky breaths, and then made myself turn in their direction. He was with one other guy and they were standing at the counter with two packs of gum and a lighter.

_Just don't look up. Don't look at their eyes, and they'll ignore you and walk away,_ I told myself. It was the same advice I gave myself any time a guy got too close or said something to make me feel uncomfortable... which was often.

"Still kinda quiet, huh?" he said and chuckled at me again. His friend joined in this time, obviously amused.

I nodded and robotically grabbed their items off of the counter and began scanning them quickly. I was having a hard time with the shaking. It hadn't been this bad since the few months after _that day. _ It always happened when I was scared back then, and was usually followed by a panic attack or some other equally embarrassing form of freaking out.

I fumbled twice with the little yellow lighter, and dropped it once.

"I need a pack of Winston's, too," he said and reached for his wallet.

_Ok, just grab the cigarettes, scan them, take his money and he's gone. You can do this. Just another minute or so... and then he'll leave - and __**then **__you can freak out. _

I turned on unsteady legs toward the wall of cigarettes behind me and groaned inwardly. The Winston's were on the top shelf, next to the Marlboro's. They would not be easy for me to reach while I was shaking like a leaf and my legs felt like they were going to give out from under me.

_I just want him to go. _I gulped and blinked back against the sting of the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes.

_Just - just reach up and grab the pack, ring it in, and he's gone__,__ Olivia... just another minute__, _I told myself again.

I stood on my toes and stretched up high towards the pack of Winston's. I managed to tap the edge of it with my fingertip, turning it a bit toward me so that I could pinch it between my thumb and my index finger to pick it up.

"Is that a tattoo I see?" he asked, shock evident in his voice.

I jumped, almost dropping the pack of cigarettes, and then quickly righted myself. I tugged down furiously on my black shirt, trying desperately to cover up the small amount of space that must have been uncovered between my jeans and my shirt when I reached for the pack of cigarettes.

I felt the tears well up again and choked them back, turning toward the register to quickly scan the pack of cigarettes without responding to his comment.

That tattoo was important to me, and I would not acknowledge it in front of him. I didn't even want to think about it in front of him – especially because of the meaning behind it. I suddenly felt angry that he even had the opportunity to know that it was there.

"I always knew you had a wild streak in you," he said, and then chuckled again before grabbing a twenty out of his pocket and throwing it on the counter.

I stood, frozen again, staring at the twenty dollar bill as his words crashed around me like the sound of cymbals or a loud gong in a silent room. The same words, spoken in haste and lust and anger three years ago, by the same man, came flying back at me, and just like that I was sinking into the past.

"_C'mon Livvy, I know you're into it," he said as I shook my head 'no'. He shoved my shirt up and palmed my breast, before looking at me and licking his lips._

"_Fuck, sheer red lace. I always knew you had a wild streak in you."_

I heard a throat clear from the other side of the counter and a little bit to the left. I shook my head, snapping back to reality, as a masculine, smooth and peaceful voice spoke.

"Hey, is that your car out there?" the voice said to Travis and his friend.

"Yeah," Travis answered.

"Well, your windows are down, and it's starting to rain," the voice said politely.

"Shit. We should go. Keep the change, and uh... nice seeing you again Livvy," Travis said hurriedly as he and his friend grabbed their stuff and made a hasty exit to the car.

I stood still as stone and watched as they rolled their windows up, started the car and left.

I was still standing there a minute later, staring at the empty parking lot trying my best to even out my breaths and keep the tears at bay.

"Hey," the smooth and peaceful male voice said quietly, "um, are you ok?"

I lowered my head and closed my eyes tightly in humiliation. I had just freaked out and completely clammed up in front of this guy. Who was I kidding? I was still freaking out.

I stared at the white linoleum beneath my feet and the packs of cigarettes that I had dropped on the floor, inhaling deeply. I couldn't answer him. I needed a few minutes to get myself together, so I simply shook my head 'no' and continued to stare at the floor.

_This guy must think I'm such a freak. I almost wish he would just leave... but what if they decide they want their change and they come back? No – I don't want to be alone if they come back. At least if he was here, I wouldn't be by myself._

"Okay," he said simply.

I was startled by the calm acceptance in his tone. He didn't seem to be bothered by my mild freak out at all... at least not yet. Most people get a bit frantic themselves and flutter around trying to do things for you when they realize that you're on the verge of having a panic attack. This kind and quiet acknowledgement was refreshing.

I breathed deeply in and out a few more times before I felt my limbs unlock and knew that my body could move again. I slowly reached for the twenty on the counter and picked it up with my still shaking hand, before trying to hit the button to open the register so I could place it inside.

I was still shaking so badly that I couldn't hit the right button though. I tried, three times, and kept hitting the button above, below or beside it.

"What's your name?" he asked softly.

I swallowed and took a deep breath. His voice was soothing and his tone simply curious. I didn't usually tell strange guys my name, but this one was standing there, unknowingly protecting me from the one person in the world I truly feared, and watching me have a bit of a meltdown. I couldn't see any reason not to give it to him at that point.

I took another deep breath, trying to make my voice as even and normal as possible and spoke.

"Olivia," I said quietly.

I saw a large, deep golden brown coloured hand and a strong but lean forearm reach slowly and non-threateningly across the counter.

I eyed it warily for a few seconds, and then realized that I wanted to shake this man's hand. He saved me unknowingly by getting Travis and his friend out of the store, and was here, keeping me calm about the fact that they might come back. The least I could do to thank him was shake his hand.

I reached out my hand, immediately noticing the contrast between my very pale, almost white skin and his. As he reached toward me I also noticed how large his hands were, easily double the size of mine, with long, lean fingers. As our hands made contact I realized that he was warm, the opposite to my typically cold skin. I also felt an amazing and unexplainable feeling of peacefulness, and security. Maybe I imagined it, because of the warmth.

I cocked my head to the side and immediately realized that I wanted to see his face. I hadn't felt this comfortable meeting another person, well, ever.

I was nervous about looking at him, because, as I mentioned before, I typically don't look people, especially men, in the eye when I'm nervous. But this was different. He wasn't the one making me feel nervous. He was making me feel safe.

So, I allowed my eyes to travel slowly up his forearm to his lean, but muscular bicep, over the green sleeve of his t shirt, past his collar and up to his face.

He had a slightly square jaw, with a small dimple on his chin, full lips, a small, somewhat flattened nose, wide cheekbones, that were somehow soft and masculine looking at the same time, an average sized forehead and black hair, with just a little bit of length that had been styled a bit with gel to keep it off of his face. But all of those things were really secondary. His eyes were what I noticed most. He had the kindest, most sincere and honest looking dark brown eyes I had ever seen. They were so dark they were almost black, and it was like I could stare into them and read his every intention. Just minutes ago I had been lost in my painful past, and now I was floating in the gaze of the stranger in front of me.

I blinked twice, startled by the intensity of my reaction to him. He was handsome, obviously so, but I wasn't usually one to stare. Just as I realized that and was going to remove my hand from his and stop embarrassing myself so I could get back to work, a slow and brilliant smile spread across his face.

"Hi," he said quietly, his eyes now dancing with some kind of emotion I couldn't identify. I wondered briefly why he wasn't bothered by my odd behaviour or my impolite staring. I decided that he must really be a kind person if he could look past all of that and still be standing there, smiling at me.

I tentatively lifted the corners of my mouth in a small smile back at him and watched in amazement as his grew even larger before he spoke again.

"I'm Seth."


	2. Her

**So for those of you who don't know, fanfiction is having some issues right now. Authors can't post new stories in popular categories like Twilight, so I had to post this under a different one. I chose Hunger Games at random (and because the books were amazing). It's been changed, and hopefully the site will be fixed soon so that I can add characters to the story description, which isn't possible right now.**

**Thanks for bearing with us authors while the site is getting all their stuff worked out.**

**I hope you all liked Olivia. I absolutely love writing her. **

**Well, here's Seth's POV of the same day. **

**For those of you following me on Twilighted: I have a new Validation beta on that site and we are not seeing eye to eye. There will definitely be a delay in posting on there until we get it sorted out. Please feel free to spread the word about the fic being on here if you know someone who is interested.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own an older Seth laying eyes the girl of his dreams for the first time.**

**Chapter 2 - Her**

**Seth POV**

"So," Jake said as he turned the knobs on the small grill to light and warm it up, "are you still planning on college in the new year?"

I took a swig from my water bottle and nodded thoughtfully.

"Yep," I said matter-of-factly, "there's not really much else for me to do around the res."

Jake chuckled and nodded in agreement. It was pretty boring around those parts these days. We still ran nightly patrols. But we hardly ever came across anything interesting, with the exception of a couple of nomads passing through over the last couple of years. So while everything was quiet on the vampire front, all of the wolves were concentrating on their daily lives. Jared, Paul and Sam had all gotten married and were having families. Because they had wives and children to support and feed, they all had jobs. Paul and Jared worked at a mechanics shop just outside of Port Angeles, and Sam got paid for his work as a head council member in La Push. He was getting even more now after temporarily taking on Jake's responsibilities while Jake was here in Alaska with Nessie.

My sister Leah decided two years ago that she would attend college. She was working towards a diploma in Women's Studies at the local community college in Port Angeles. Quil and Embry went there, too. They were doing mechanics apprenticeships and hoped to work at the same shop as Paul and Jared when they graduated. It had taken most of us wolves a few years to be able to control our urges to phase. That set everyone back a bit because none of the older wolves could even consider attending school off the reservation while they had any trouble controlling themselves.

I had a pretty easy time of it. I tend to be a bit more laid back, and that helped a lot. I only missed half a year of school, and I worked hard to catch up, so I was really only two credits behind. I wasn't worried about them. I didn't really find high school to be all that hard. I got decent grades without having to get stressed over tests and assignments. So I would be going back to school to finish up my last two elective credits before getting my diploma in December. I was planning to enrol in college for January. I was still unsure about what I was going to major in, though. I liked cars like all of the other guys, but I didn't really want to be stuck under the hood of one for the rest of my life. My strongest subject in school was math. I figured I might look into doing something related to that. But I still had a couple of months to figure it out, so I wasn't too worried about it.

"Why don't you try something at UW?" Nessie asked as she set the table.

I grabbed the napkins, knives and forks. I set them out as Nessie put down the plates. She smiled at me and walked over to where Jake was standing by the grill. She laid a hand on his forearm and leaned over to pick up the plate that had been holding the raw meat before it went on the grill. He thanked her and kissed her hair playfully like he had done a million times over the years.

I tried to hide my grin as I noticed Nessie's light blush. Jake had already turned back to the grill and was none-the-wiser. She ducked inside quickly to wash off the plate.

_Poor boy has no idea what's about to hit him, _I thought. I had been watching those two all week, and Nessie was certainly showing signs that she was interested in Jake in a totally different way than she had been before. I sighed, thinking that it was too bad that I was going home tomorrow and would be missing all of the fun.

"Jake," Nessie said while poking her head around the sliding back door, "did you eat all of the hamburger buns that were on the counter?"

"No. I left a couple there, I think."

Nessie chuckled and shook her head.

"You left two to be exact. How are we supposed to have hamburgers without any buns?"

He shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"Sorry Ness. I can run down the street to De Hart's to get some. Just give me a few minutes to finish grilling the burgers."

"I can run out and grab them," I said and rose out of my chair. "Nessie's got her hands full in the kitchen and you're grilling. It's only a five minute walk there right?" I asked. I thought back to Jake and I walking to the store to get milk and frozen pizza the other day and remembered that it didn't take long.

"You sure, Seth?" Jake asked while flipping the burgers over.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll grab some coffee too. I think you guys are out and I'm going to need some before the drive home tomorrow morning anyway," I replied. I poked my head through the door to let Nessie know.

"I'm going to run and get the buns and some coffee for tomorrow, Nessie. You guys need anything else?" I asked as she picked up the pot to drain some noodles for pasta salad.

"No," she said smiling brightly, "thanks Seth. Everything should be ready here by the time you get back."

"No problem," I answered and waved at Jake before heading off on foot toward the store.

As I walked up to the door of De Hart's, I noticed the summer business hours posted on a piece of paper. I shook my head with a smile, thinking that it was a good thing that we decided to eat a bit early tonight. The store was closing in about twenty minutes, and then we'd really be out of luck.

I opened the door and headed toward the back of the store. I remembered the bread display being back there from the other day. I smiled thinking that it smelled great in there... like sweet chocolate with a hint of cinnamon. It was definitely better than the other day. I reminded myself to check out the dessert display on my way out. Whatever they had in there smelled _incredible_.

As I walked down the aisle toward the back of the store, I felt the strangest tingling feeling, like goose bumps almost, that ran through my entire body from head to toe. I paused when I got to the back of the store when I realized that it _wasn't _going away. It was just running circuits from my head, down to my toes and right back up again.

_Huh,_ I thought, _that's weird. Goose bumps are usually a passing thing. They're not supposed to last this long._

I heard the bell above the door jingle as a couple of guys discussing a car stereo system walked in. I snickered to myself. I heard the stereo pretty well, even from within the store. It was good, but definitely too much stereo for the car. I heard the trunk rattling from down the street. I never did understand why some guys felt like they had to overdo things like that. I mean, it wasn't like it gave them an extra inch or two in their pants.

I chuckled again_. _

_I guess some guys think it does, though_, I thought, _and with the extra effort this one's putting in, he must have a lot to make up for._

I grabbed a couple of bags of hamburger buns and turned around in search of coffee, when I heard something that made me pay attention to what was going on at the front of the store.

I heard several small things fall to the floor behind the register, as one of the guys tried to talk to the person behind the counter. That wasn't what caught my attention, though. It was the way the heartbeat and the breathing of the clerk changed when he spoke.

The person had been calm and breathing steadily, but when these guys showed up that changed for some reason.

_Oh shit, _I thought, _I hope they're not trying to hold the place up. They could just be pretending to have a casual conversation with the clerk to fool me, if they saw my head over the shelves, which they probably had. If they passed the clerk a threatening note..._

I was known among my pack for my unusually strong sense of smell. I counted on it to help me out in situations like this. I could sniff out some really subtle scents, and there were some important ones that might have been able to tell me what was going on up there.

I inhaled deeply.

_Aftershave, too much cheap cologne and a hint of cigarette smoke._

In the back of my mind, I decided that those scents must have belonged to the two guys, but I really couldn't care less about the two would-be crooks at that point.

All I cared about was whoever the other scents belonged to. What I thought smelled like dessert when I came in, clearly wasn't dessert at all. After paying closer attention, I realized that the other sweet scents lingering at the front of the store belonged to a _person. _

I inhaled again.

_The aromas of sweet, smooth chocolate with a hint of cinnamon – and strong dose of adrenaline, swirled around in my head and lungs._

There was no mistaking that combination. The scent was the softest and sweetest I had ever come across, which told me that the clerk was most likely a girl. And the amount of adrenaline coursing through her veins told me she was absolutely terrified of whoever just walked in that door.

I inched forward silently. I was careful to make sure that no one noticed me. I wanted to figure out what these guys were up to before I got into anything with them.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I noted that as I inched forward, the tingling running through my body got more intense. It seemed to fizzle and hum under my skin.

_Maybe it's some sort of warning signal – a sign that something dangerous is about to happen, _I thought.

I took a deep breath to brace myself, and walked the last step toward the end of the aisle. When I was close enough to the edge, I slowly peeked my head around to see what was going on.

_And then I saw her._

_Her._

My breath caught in my throat and my heart took off in a sprint. Suddenly, everything became very clear. It was like a fog had been lifted, and everything was around me was coming to life as I focused on the spot where she stood. Colours were brighter. Sounds and scents sharper.

_That scent, the appealing and incredible chocolaty and light cinnamon scent, belonged to the girl behind the counter. No wonder I was drawn to it. _

_The tingling was because of her too. I felt her as soon as I walked in. I'm practically vibrating on the spot with it now. My body's sending me a signal alright - the biggest signal of my entire life. I think... holy crap... I think... I think this is it. I can feel it. I haven't even seen her face, and that's when I'll really know. But I can't deny that there's something big happening here... something huge._

She was standing behind the checkout counter with her back towards me. She had long, incredibly shiny and soft looking pitch-black hair, and a slender frame with curves in all the right places. I racked my brain quickly, trying to remember the term for a shape like hers. Her fitted black shirt showed off a tiny waist. Her tight, dark jeans revealed round hips, and from what I could see of her from this angle, it looked like the curves on the top matched her hips.

_She almost looks like a tiny... what's the word I'm looking for... _hourglass._ Of course. _

There was a very small sliver of smooth, extremely pale, white skin showing between the hem of her shirt and the top of her jeans. I could just see the top of a small tattoo in blue and black ink right above her left hip. She was obviously short, as she was having a lot of trouble reaching for a pack of cigarettes on the top shelf. I could tell from her posture that she was standing on her toes. That's when I noticed for the first time that she was visibly shaking.

_Shit, she`s so scared. I wonder what`s got her so freaked out? _

My body immediately went into complete protector mode. My shoulders were creeping up in the place of hackles, and I was beyond alert.

_I want to help her. She's scared. She needs help. _

I had no idea what to do, though. I didn't even have a clue what it was that was scaring her, except that it had something to do with the two assholes that just walked in the door. The only thing I knew was that I needed to help her out.

_There's no way, just _no way_, I'm going to let these guys scare her or hurt her..._

And then suddenly, I was angry. It was kind of a shock to me because I don't get angry very often, if at all. But just the _thought_ of someone hurting that tiny, fragile girl behind the counter made me feel all kinds of mad. I couldn't explain why. I just knew it just wasn't... _right_.

Just then, the guy who had been doing all the talking threw a twenty on the counter and said something about her tattoo. She jumped, yanking her shirt down to cover herself, and threw the pack of cigarettes on the counter.

And then she froze. Like a deer caught in headlights, she kept her head hung down towards the counter and didn't move a muscle. Her heart rate and breathing immediately kicked up again. The scent of adrenaline in the air intensified. Even though I couldn't see her face behind the curtain that her long hair made, I could tell that for some reason, his comment about the tattoo had just sent her to a very painful and terrifying place.

_Damn it. She's really freaking out. I have to do something to get these guys out of here. _

I walked stealthily and silently up to the counter, glancing around me for something I could use as an excuse to distract the two guys. That's when I noticed that the weather had turned outside. The grey clouds had thickened a bit and a light rain was starting to fall, which was perfect because the asshole had his car windows down.

I cleared my throat a bit loudly to get his attention. I swallowed, trying hard to keep my voice as steady as possible despite the fact that I felt heat creeping up my spine and tremors threatening to shake my hands. This guy had to see how anxious he was making her, and it really got under my skin that he hadn't stopped bugging her and didn't seem to care that she was obviously afraid of him at that moment.

"Hey, is that your car out there?" I asked smoothly.

The douche with the dark hair that had done all the talking turned his head toward me slightly with a sneer.

I raised my eyebrows at him in disbelief. I knew a threat when I saw one. This guy was obviously the type to throw his weight around, and he was doing it now. We were pretty evenly matched in height, but I had to admit that the guy was a bit bigger than me. He was almost as built as Jake. I saw his sneer deepen a bit at my expression, before taking in my height and build with a quick sweep of his eyes. A second later he returned his eyes to the stuff on the counter and reached out for the cigarettes.

"Yeah," he said dismissively.

I smirked at him, knowing at that point that the guy was all show. He'd probably gotten away with being a complete dick to just about everyone, but he was pretty quick to back down when he saw that we were almost evenly matched in height and weight. Not that it mattered. I could easily take him. Being a wolf had a lot of advantages in human form, too, and being a lot stronger than the average human was just one of them.

I answered him back, calmly delivering my main point, hoping to get him and his friend to leave.

"Well, your windows are down, and it's starting to rain."

I watched as he glanced over at his car through the store windows. Out of the corner of my eye I saw _her_ head shift up just slightly so that she could look out the window, too. I still couldn't see her face, though, and I wanted to. I really, really wanted to. I was a million different kinds of excited at the thought of seeing her face... and then a million kinds of disappointed when she didn't raise her head enough to make it happen.

But I noticed that her shoulders came down a bit. She had at least moved a few muscles. That was encouraging. So I breathed a small sigh of relief, knowing that I had helped her some. She had relaxed a bit.

"Shit," the dark haired douche said and grabbed his things on the counter. "We should go. Keep the change, and uh... nice seeing you again, Livvy."

She didn't answer, but... _oh no_... she tensed again and went completely rigid from head to toe.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes at her lack of an answer, and then left with his friend following closely behind him.

I breathed a small sigh of relief, knowing that he was gone, hoping that she would finally be able to relax. And then maybe... maybe I could see her face... or hear her voice... or learn her name... or tell her mine... or... whatever. I really didn't care what happened next as long as she was involved in it.

She stayed absolutely still for a while, and I stood still with her. I didn't want to startle her, so I just waited. I figured she'd come around when she was ready. The waiting was killing me, but she seemed really, really freaked out. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her, though, so I settled my growing excitement and waited.

I waited a minute, then two.

_Ok, she's still just standing there. What should I do? She's obviously upset, and I can't ignore the need t help her._

After that thought, a very painful possibility crept up on me.

_Maybe she's waiting for me to go. Maybe she needs to be alone. I guess I could leave..._

I felt like the air was literally being sucked out of my lungs as I debated whether or not I should leave her. It seemed wrong to go now and just really _unnatural_.

And then I got scared... because I knew I _couldn't_ leave her, not like this. Not rigid and tense and scared and alone. Unless... unless maybe... if she _asked_ me to go. Because everything about this situation screamed to me that she needed help, and the only thing that was going to convince my feet, my body, my brain, my heart to leave at that moment, was her telling me that it's what she needed. Otherwise, I was as good as chained to the floor.

I _really_ wanted to help her. My entire body was just screaming at me to _do_ something. My protective instincts were kicking into overdrive. My hands itched to smooth down her back. My arms felt empty because I wasn't holding her. A million comforting words floated around on the tip of my tongue, ready to be said, hoping to soothe her.

She was still just... standing there. She was still tense and scared. Doing any of those things that I wanted to do would only have freaked her out even more. I had a big problem. I couldn't follow my instincts, and I couldn't leave her like that.

I racked my brain, trying to come up with a solution, and only one came to mind. So at two and half minutes, I decided to try talking to her. I figured that out of all of the things I was dying to do, talking to her was the best option at that point. It was the least intrusive and the most non-threatening.

I kept my voice as soft and light as possible, being really careful not to startle her.

"Hey..." I began, and then trailed off at the end a bit when I realized that I didn't even know her name.

_Her _name_. God, I really want to know her name. That douche bag called her something... Livvy... and she didn't like it. I wonder if it's short for something else, or if it's a nickname? I wonder if she'd tell me... _

I shook my head slightly, clearing my thoughts.

_That's not important right now. I should make sure she's ok first._

"Um, are you ok?" I asked.

She lowered her head and her shoulders slumped a bit at my question. She seemed to get a bit smaller. My heart went out to her, literally jumping and squeezing a bit in my chest. I recognized that posture. She was embarrassed. I was willing to bet that I was right before... that she wanted to be alone. But I couldn't leave her alone when she was so scared and upset. I mean, I felt – _whatever I felt_ – when I entered the store and then again when I saw her. I had a feeling it was fate, you know, that I had been sent there somehow, at that moment, because she needed me. I was pretty sure of it, but to be positive I had to see her face.

I didn't really have time to think about it any further than that, because the next thing I knew she was shaking her head slowly at me in answer to my question. It was a no.

_She's not ok. Right. Obviously not ok. Which means that _I'm_ not ok either. Nope, I'm not ok at all. _

I didn't know much else at that point, but I knew _that_ was true. Nothing was right with me if this girl was not ok. It seemed really crazy, but if my suspicions about what I was feeling were right it would make sense. I had always heard it would be like this, but it was kind of strange to experience. It was like my entire world suddenly revolved around making sure that this girl was healthy, safe and happy.

_I have to fix this somehow. I have to help her calm down._

It was beyond obvious that she was uncomfortable, and I didn't want her to feel that way. So I didn't make a big deal about the fact that she was upset. She didn't need to be embarrassed or uncomfortable about it.

"Ok," I said simply, hoping to let her know with one word that it was ok that she was upset, and that I was ok with being here to help her if she wanted me to.

She startled a bit when I spoke, but she wasn't afraid. I was amazed to find out that it was the complete opposite, actually. I heard her heart beat begin to slow and her breaths even out a bit. After another minute or so a small, pale white, shaking hand with thin delicate fingers and short nails reached out and gently picked up the twenty dollar bill on the counter. I watched as she tried three times to hit the button on the register to open it so that she could get the bill in, but her hand was shaking so much that she missed the mark each time.

After the third attempt I thought she might need a distraction to help get her mind off of things. So I asked her the question I had been dying to know the answer to since I began realizing _who_ she most likely was.

"What's your name?" I asked softly, and then waited on baited breath for her to answer. I felt like I was waiting in suspense like you do when you're watching a movie and you can see that something really important is about to happen. I was so excited that I'm pretty sure I was literally leaning forward in anticipation of hearing her answer.

She took two deep breaths as if she was trying to prepare herself to talk and drew out the suspenseful moment even longer for me. I'm not gonna lie - I breathed deeply with her, while waiting for her response.

And then she spoke... and _God _was it ever worth the wait. Her name, _Olivia_, floated out in the air between us. Her voice seemed to match everything else I had observed about her. It was small like her petite frame, and sweet, but a little rich like her scent.

It was a beautiful name. She had a beautiful voice. And her scent was like nothing I'd ever come across. It was so rich and smooth and sweet. It was almost edible.

_I have to see her face. I need to. How can I get her to look at me without scaring her? _

I decided to hold out my hand, and see if she'd shake it. What I really wanted to do was hug her, hold her and soothe her, but I knew that would probably just freak her out even more. I was a complete stranger, and she was scared and even though I felt like I suddenly couldn't live another minute without seeing her face, I had to be cautious about how much I asked of her. She didn't know me from a hole in the wall.

So, I stuck with the handshake. A handshake was a friendly enough gesture when you're meeting someone... right?

Once my mind was made up, I slowly reached my hand across the counter towards her. She didn't respond at first, obviously trying to decide whether or not it was a good idea to shake hands with a strange guy. It hung there, suspended in mid-air in front of her for almost half a minute. I didn't pull it away though, just held it out, waiting to see what kind of response I would get. If she didn't want to, she'd let me know.

I didn't have to wait very much longer. Just ten seconds later her other hand, the one not holding the twenty, moved slowly but deliberately toward mine. I held my breath as I watched its approach and noticed that she was still shaking, just slightly.

But then she _touched_ me. Her tiny hand was nearly half the size of mine and a bit cold, even for the average person, but as she placed it mine, and I held it gently - it just felt so _right. _Tingles, the same ones as before, turned into steady vibrations the moment her skin met mine and shot up my arm, straight through my chest and into my heart. And I felt 'the pull', the one everyone describes in a slightly different way when they meet their other half. For me it was like being plugged in. For the first time in my life I was being switched on, because I had found what I was put here on earth to do. I was here for her. To protect her, to keep her safe, to need her, want her, help her, love her... whatever she wanted or needed is what I would do, say, get, be... anything... everything... nothing at all... just whatever, as long as it was for her. I was built for it. That tiny hand was like the key to my whole universe.

It was kind of shocking to realize, but I didn't have time to let the shock register because her reaction to our handshake immediately stole my attention.

I watched in wonder as she visibly _relaxed _when we touched. She cocked her head to the side as if her reaction to my touch surprised her just as much as it surprised me.

I didn't have time to think about that much either because it was then that I noticed that her _head_ began to moving up.

The suspense was back. You could have dropped a bomb outside of the store, stars could have fallen out of the sky, it could have started to rain cheeseburgers or unicorns or any old thing for that matter, and I wouldn't have noticed a damn thing because... _I was going to see her face_.

It was like she was moving in slow motion. I kept my eyes trained on her and willed myself not to blink, just look.

When she raised her head and her hair fell like a thick dark frame around her I held my breath stilled from head to toe. It was all I could do control my reaction.

My heart leapt up into my chest. My breath seemed to get trapped in my lungs. My hands longed to reach out and touch the beauty in front of me to see if it was real, or if this was some kind of dream because... _I'd never seen anyone so beautiful before_.

She had the palest skin I think I'd ever seen, on a human anyway, framed by soft, shiny black hair that hung nearly down to her waist. Her face was oval with a small nose and she had soft pink lips, the bottom fuller than the top one.

But that wasn't even the best part. What I saw next was what made me smile. I couldn't help my reaction. I tried. I really tried to keep a straight face, but her _eyes_... God, her eyes were like nothing I'd ever seen. They were large and almond shaped, framed with beautiful, thick black lashes and they were the brightest, lightest blue I'd ever seen. Against her pale skin, they reminded me of the clear, light blue arctic waters against the snow covered landscape.

I searched them, hoping that they would tell me a bit about how she was feeling. To my relief I saw that they were open, free from fear, only curious.

And then the entire world outside of that sweet, beautiful girl just... disappeared.

_I was right. This is it. She's _the one_. I know it. And God, she's just... so... wow. And she's looking at me. And she's calming down._

I felt my heart surge with relief and, well, if I'm being honest, even a little pride. She was scared and didn't even know me, and I _helped _her.

_She was afraid of them, but she's not afraid of me._

She blinked twice after I held her gaze for what was probably way too long, which made me realize that I should probably say something. I decided to start off with the basics. I knew her name, so I thought she should know mine too.

"Hi," I managed to say quietly, relieved and ecstatic to see that the corners of her soft lips began to curl up into a shy smile.

"I'm Seth."

**Ok, can I just tell all of you how much I LOVE writing Seth? Because I really do. I didn't think I'd enjoy writing another man/wolf as much as I did with Jake, but Seth is wonderful in a completely different way. **

**I hope you liked reading from his perspective!**

**The next chapter is longer and split between Olivia and Seth. **

**By the way, I was wondering if any of you have song suggestions for me. Those of you who read my other fic know that I get a lot of inspiration from music. I've started to compile a playlist for this fic, and a working list for incomplete chapters. I welcome suggestions at any time.**

**You know what to do. Hit review and leave Seth some love (or a song suggestion, or writing advice, criticism... whatever!)**

**Thank you,**

**~Hitchy**


	3. Grateful

**This chapter is split between Olivia and Seth's POV's. **

**Many thanks to **_**shepeppy**_** for using her awesome beta skills on this chapter.**

**Still struggling with getting this posted on Twilghted. *sighs* I'd like to post this a the same time in both places, but I won't keep you waiting any longer.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own two very sweet people getting to know one another a bit better.**

**Chapter 3 – Grateful**

**Chapter Song: Got You ~ The Flys (SPOV)**

**OPOV**

I smiled back.

I almost couldn't believe what I was doing at the time. I had never, even before _that day_, managed to feel comfortable enough around a new person to return or give a smile when I met them. It was so different from anything else I'd ever experienced. The way he - the way _Seth - _was looking at me really got to me. He was so gentle and patient when he spoke, and he waited so calmly for me to get over my mild emotional breakdown. He was a complete stranger, but when I was with him I didn't feel the way I normally felt around strangers. I felt _comfortable_, and more importantly – I felt _safe_.

I shook my head lightly, realizing that I had been holding on to his hand and staring into his eyes for a decidedly inappropriate amount of time. I felt a light blush rise in my cheeks as I released his hand and turned my attention back to the register in front of me.

I hit the cash button for the drawer easily this time because my hands were no longer shaking. Once again I was surprised by my body's reactions. I'd never been able to calm down so quickly when I was that panicked before. Actually, I had never been able to calm down from being that panicked – period. By all accounts, at that point I should have been hunched over, hyperventilating and shaking like a leaf.

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air and a sense of relief. I let the relief wash over me and settle into my bones. I felt my joints and muscles loosen up and felt them slowly releasing their tension. I was grateful not to be having a panic attack, but I was surprisingly even more relieved that I wasn't having a complete breakdown in front of the handsome guy in front of me. Normally the people around me were the last thing I cared about when I felt like I was about to have a breakdown. This time things were different. This time I was more concerned about a kind and handsome guy like Seth seeing me like that. I was really worried about what sort of impression I gave him. For some reason I found that I really wanted him not to think that I was strange, more so than any other time I'd had a meltdown in public. He was so good to me by helping me get rid of Travis and his friend. I didn't want to scare him off by curling up into a ball and hyperventilating. He would probably turn tail and run if he saw me in full-blown, freak-out mode. It wasn't pretty.

_Who are you kidding Olivia? He's probably just waiting for you to ring up his stuff so he can bolt, while you sit there staring at the register, _my subconscious said sarcastically_._

_Oh crap, _I thought hastily, _his stuff! _

My blush deepened as I looked up and quickly glanced over to the counter on my left to see what he came in to get. A package of hamburger buns lay on the counter near where he was standing. It was getting close to dinner time, so I reasoned that he had probably just run in to grab bread for a meal that was waiting for him at home.

"Sorry," I mumbled quietly. "Do you want me to get that rung up for you so you can get on your way?"

I heard him draw in a quick, sharp breath after I spoke, which puzzled me. Surely he'd want to pay for his things and get back to whatever he was doing before the clerk at the corner store decided to have an _episode_ over things and forgot about his hamburger buns? I shrugged off my suspicions over his intake of breath when I realized that he was probably running late due to the fact that he'd been helping me, and then I instantly felt badly for being so slow and keeping him so long. It certainly wasn't the best way to thank him for what he'd done for me. I gingerly reached out to grab the buns from the other side of the counter, hoping to ring him in quickly and not keep him waiting any longer than I already had.

He still hadn't said anything in answer to my question, though. I wasn't sure what to do. I thought about it for a moment and then realized that he might need something else. Lottery tickets, cigarettes and stamps were all kept behind the counter... maybe he needed one of those things.

Since he wasn't saying anything, and I really wanted to do what little I could to help him, I decided to be brave and ask him. I took a deep breath, steeling myself against the anxiety that usually bubbled up when I talked to strange men and opened my mouth to speak. I turned a bit at the same time, so that I could face him completely.

Before I could say a word, froze. I was torn. I had a few conflicting emotions playing through me at the moment, and I wasn't quite sure what to do with them because I suddenly wanted to do things that I never, ever did. I wanted to see his face again. I wanted to look at him while I asked him what he needed. I wanted to see those _eyes_. I wanted to fall into them again like I did the first time. I wanted to lose myself in the quiet peacefulness of his gaze. The conflict I was dealing with was due to the fact that I wasn't sure that I could actually _do_ any of that without getting anxious and making a mess of things again.

It was just a few seconds later that I discovered that I was worrying for nothing. Seth didn't give me a chance to finish figuring out whether I could or not. In his own sweet way he just – made it happen.

"Do you need help with that?" he asked quietly while I was silently deliberating over what to do.

I felt my brow furrow and without thinking my eyes flashed up to his face in confusion. They were met with his warm, dark brown ones. His facial expression was open, calm and still somewhat concerned. I relaxed, greedily taking a few seconds to lose myself in the depths of his eyes and found myself smiling lightly again.

"Help with what?" I asked softly. I wasn't sure what he thought I would need help with. Hadn't he already helped me in the most significant way? He already got _him_ out of the store and helped me to calm down from the brink of a panic attack. What else could I possibly need from this kind, handsome stranger?

He laughed so quietly that it was just a whisper of a chuckle under his breath. I found myself oddly enraptured by it. It was so light and sincere, almost carefree.

"With those," he said, pointing to the cigarette packages I had all but forgotten about on the floor. "It looked like a bit of a reach for you before." He glanced at his watch. "You're closing in five minutes. I just thought I'd help put them back up there for you so you can get other stuff done, if you'd like."

I stared at him, feeling a bit confused after he finished asking. His eyes danced back and forth between mine as he waited for an answer. I could tell he genuinely wanted to help. His expression is what puzzled me, though. He seemed to be a very strange combination of excited and... sheepish?

Now that was odd. I should have been the one that was feeling sheepish about needing him to help me. The more I thought about it, though, the more I began to think that maybe he was just embarrassed for me. It wouldn't have been the first time. A few other people had similar reactions to my anxiety attacks. Generally, if people were empathetic, they would feel a bit of my pain and would try to help in whatever way they could while trying to make me feel comfortable. Seth really did seem like a genuinely nice person. So I figured that had to be it and decided that he must have wanted to help me because he felt my pain during my near panic attack like others had before.

But... this time was different from the other times – for me at least. In the past, _no one_ had been able to make me feel comfortable. I would squirm around anyone who witnessed my anxiety, literally feeling like I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide or run as far and fast as I could to get away from them. I would always refuse their help and tell them I needed to be alone. But this time I _didn't_ need to be alone. To be honest, I was a little freaked out by the fact that I didn't even _want_ to be. I wanted this kind and handsome stranger to stay. I wanted his help and the sense of peace and serenity I seemed to find in his presence. So I decided to be brave... just this once.

I nodded in answer to his offer and watched in amazement as his eyes lit up and he smiled again.

_Wow, he's got an amazing smile. _

His eyes twinkled and crinkled a bit around the corners as his whole face, from chin to brow line, seemed to lift and react with emotion. It was clear that he was happy to help, and I, for once, was happy to let someone do it.

He turned and slowly made his way around the counter, climbing up on the raised floor beside me. I froze for a second, taking him in with surprise as I suddenly realized how _tall_ he was. He was standing next to me and his chest – toned and surprisingly muscular for his lean frame – was at my eye level. My head didn't even reach his shoulders. I was about an inch shy of the mark. I knew from previous experience that this meant that he had to be over six feet tall.

Normally, I would have been extremely intimidated by his height. But again, somehow this time I just... wasn't. I realized a long time ago that it was silly to be afraid or feel intimidated by people just because they were men, or because they were tall or muscular, but I'd never been able to be rational about it. My subconscious fears always won out. They always got to me. I would clam up around guys that were physically intimidating, every time. There were no exceptions.

_Except for today_, I thought, reflecting on my easy interactions with Seth. _No, that isn't right. My fears _did_ get to me today. I was a mess with the other two – especially Travis. But guess that was to be expected. But I was fine with Seth. For some strange reason things were... _easier_ with him. _

I took a deep breath, letting it settle a bit in my lungs while I did a quick check on my nerves. I smiled a bit when I realized that it wasn't necessary. I was calm, steady and otherwise feeling normal.

I slowly raised my eyes, craning my head a bit to peer at his face – again. I couldn't seem to help looking at him. It was then that I noticed that he hadn't moved a muscle since climbing onto the platform with me. His posture and facial expression told me that he was a bit guarded. But his eyes told me that he was still happy to help. He seemed to be observing my own posture and expression. I sighed lightly and felt yet another smile pull at the corners of my mouth as I realized that he was being careful not to frighten me.

I stepped to the side a bit and leaned down to pick up two of the packs on the floor that slid under the counter a bit when I dropped them. He bent slowly at the same time and picked up the other three near his feet in his large hands.

He placed his packs on the shelf easily as they were just above his eye level and then turned towards me. I decided to throw caution to the wind and without hesitating for more than a second or two, slowly reached out and placed my two packs in his hands, noticing again how warm they were when my fingers brushed against his palm.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

He chuckled a little under his breath before responding. "My pleasure. Really."

Once that was done I glanced at the clock and realized that it was already two minutes past closing. I shyly stepped widely around Seth, and down off the platform towards the door to lock it before any late customers could make their way in. I turned back towards him and realized he was still standing behind the counter, watching and waiting for me.

"Do, um – do you want anything else before I ring you in?" I asked, all the while cursing at my small, shaky voice and my nervous stuttering. I hated that I was so awkward talking to new people, but I really had very little experience with it. Even when I wasn't nervous or anxious around people, I was just – shy.

"Oh. No, I'm good actually," he said and shook his head as if to clear his mind of something. "You can just... um... ring that up and then I'll wait for you to finish your other stuff... and you can let me out when you leave I guess. Is that okay?"

_Oh... right. I just locked him in. I can't believe I just did that. How moronic of me..._

"Okay," I responded in a whisper, taking my turn to feel sheepish, and made my way back to the register. I scanned the bread and gave him his total, then quickly went through the motions of closing the register and assembling the day's small bank deposit. After I put the deposit in the safe, I grabbed my sweater and book bag from the chair next to the wall and turned to face Seth again.

"That's it," I said, suddenly feeling sad that I didn't have more to do. I wished I could have kept him there with me a little longer. It was so nice to have comfortable company. But I had already tidied the shelves, swept and mopped earlier, so I was really out of options at that point.

He nodded, and I watched his eyes wander to the side a bit before he turned to make his way down off the platform toward the door. His expression told me that he was thinking about something, and I found myself waiting for him to speak but he didn't say anything else.

I opened the door and took the store key out of my bag as we stepped outside. After we were out, I turned the key in the lock and pulled the door to make sure it was secure. When I was sure it was, I reached back into my bag to put the keys away and noticed that the message light was blinking on my cell phone. I pulled it out and sighed, shaking my head, as I read Amber's latest text telling me that she would be a bit late. This text said that she planned to meet me in an hour for our study session.

"That doesn't sound good," Seth said quietly, obviously picking up on the frustration in my sigh.

I shook my head and swallowed back my frustration with my friend before answering slowly and shyly. "I'm meeting my friend at Spikes, the university cafe. She's supposed to help me study for math. She said she's going to be late."

I took a deep breath and congratulated myself for being able to speak with him without stuttering this time.

"Oh," he said as he glanced around the empty parking lot. "Ummm... are you walking there?"

I nodded and sighed again. I hated not having a car, but with tuition, books, food and dorm expenses... I just really couldn't afford it. The campus and the dorms were right next to each other, making it easy for students to walk to school, so not having a car to get to classes with didn't matter at all. De Hart's was about a fifteen minute walk from the campus, though. I didn't mind walking in the summer weather. It wasn't too bad. I was sure that it was going to be harder to walk in the bitter winter cold, but I didn't really have a choice. I needed to work, and I didn't have a car to get me there. Public transportation from campus didn't stop anywhere near the store. Walking was my only option.

"Well, I don't have anywhere to be right now, and I'm walking too. I could... walk with you, if you want, and keep you company until your friend gets there. I'm actually really good at math too... So unless you're in your third year or something like that I could probably help you out," he said with enthusiasm and sincerity.

I found myself marvelling for a minute at his kindness and seemingly endless generosity. I thought about it for a minute, wondering if he was offering just because he was a gentleman and didn't want to let a girl walk around in the darkening evening by herself. For some reason, that wouldn't have surprised me.

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling both grateful and sceptical at the same time.

He smiled again, nodding at the same time and waved his hand forward in a gesture that clearly said 'lead the way.' I slung my bag over my shoulder and thanked him softly before turning and walking toward the sidewalk.

We walked in silence the entire way. It could have been uncomfortable, but it wasn't. He seemed to alternate between watching me a bit as I walked and taking in the scenery around us. I watched him, too, out of the corner of my eye, and noticed that he was walking quite slowly to keep from getting ahead of me because his legs were so much longer than mine. As soon as I noticed that I quickened my strides a bit, not wanting him to feel like he had to walk at a snail's pace for me.

When we reached the cafe I looked up to see him smiling at me while he held open the door. I quietly thanked him again and walked inside. Once I was inside I instantly went into what I call 'crowd mode'. I walked straight down the familiar path to the register with my head down, eyes on my feet and the floor in front of me, making sure to keep a safe distance from others. I felt Seth walking fairly closely behind me, but I wasn't bothered by it. His strange body heat seemed to permeate the air around him, and therefore me, making me feel warm and once again, safe in his presence.

When we reached the counter I kept my head down, as usual, and focused on the refrigerated pastry case in front of me. When I noticed movement from behind the counter, I said hi to John, the guy who worked weekends at Spikes. He'd introduced himself to me a couple of weeks earlier. I'd been meeting Amber there to study for about weeks at that point. I guess he noticed us coming in pretty regularly, because from that point on he had my order ready to go for me without me having to ask. Amber said it was presumptuous, but I didn't mind. I always ordered the same thing anyway.

"Hey there, Olivia!" John said excitedly as he set my large peppermint tea down on the counter. "Your bagel's just going to be a minute or so, I had to run and grab some more sesame from the back. It's in the toaster now."

I smiled lightly and thanked him quickly, not wanting to give him the idea that I wanted to talk today. I made the mistake of doing that once, and he ended up talking at me for nearly ten minutes while I held my order in my hands, nodded and hummed at the appropriate places and wished I could slip away quietly to my table. I didn't mind John, he didn't really make me anxious or nervous most of the time, but he was always sort of loud and very... _eager_ to talk. I knew he wanted to be friends or something, but to be honest I found his boisterous energy sort of tiring to be around.

I turned towards Seth who was watching John prepare my bagel with a small scowl on his face. I briefly wondered what was concerning him and then figured that maybe he found John's energetic greeting to be a bit much too. Since John was busy with my bagel I decided to ask Seth if he'd like anything to eat or drink so I could order it for him. It was really the least I could do to thank him for helping me and to make up for the dinner he most likely missed because of me.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked quietly.

Both Seth and John turned towards me wearing identical expressions of surprise when I spoke. I blinked rapidly a couple of times, startled by their reactions.

Seth recovered quickly with a small half-smile and shook his head. "No, I've got it."

I was just about to tell him that I really wanted to get him something as a way to say thank you for helping me, when John brought my bagel and set it down on the counter for me. He asked Seth for his order at the same time. This time he sounded hurried instead of sounding excited. I quickly glanced behind me, noticing a couple of people waiting in line and figured that he was probably trying to serve us quickly so that he didn't cause the line to back up.

"Black coffee and two plain bagels with cream cheese please," Seth said to John cheerfully. I waited as John got his order together and then started searching for my wallet, which had somehow fallen to the bottom of my bag, while John pushed buttons on the register.

"That's nine forty nine," John said tightly towards Seth.

Seth chuckled and threw a ten down on the counter.

"But..." I began, and then stopped when Seth shook his head at me with a smile and waved it off.

"Keep the change," he said to John while laughing under his breath before grabbing his food and making his way towards the tables on the left.

I picked up my tea and bagel and followed behind him, upset with the fact that John had thwarted my attempt to do something nice for Seth to thank him for today. I wasn't sure if I would ever see him again after Amber arrived and he left, and I really wanted to do something nice for him. I was disappointed that I'd missed my opportunity because John assumed that Seth was paying for both of us. Maybe Amber was right about John... he was being a bit presumptuous.

I followed Seth's lead as he slid into a booth in the back next to a window by the parking lot. I sipped my hot tea lightly, humming a bit under my breath as I did and immediately assumed my usual comfy position on the bench with my legs curled up together on the side, leaning against the vinyl backed seat, both hands wrapped around my steaming hot tea. I had always loved the feeling of curling up with something warm... it was cozy, comforting and peaceful. As soon as I was comfortable I began picking little bites off of my bagel, as Seth practically inhaled his, and wracked my brain for something to say.

I cursed my lack of social experience for causing me to have absolutely no clue as to what I should talk to him about. I only had two questions I could think to ask him, and somehow I knew that asking him about his warm hands and how he seemed to know how to keep weird, freaked out store clerks calm while they were about to have a panic attack were not good conversation starters.

I was just about to give up and pull my books out of my bag, so we'd at least have math to talk about, when Seth beat me to the punch.

~~~LT~~~

**SPOV**

I held the door to the cafe open for her with a smile and watched as she walked in ahead of me, feeling pretty darn grateful for the fact that I was good at math and that she agreed to let me go with her to wait for her friend. We'd walked in silence the whole way there. It wasn't awkward or forced or anything like that. It was comfortable. I kept my paces slow and short and felt a bit badly when I noticed that she tried to lengthen hers and sped up a bit for me. I wished she didn't feel like she had to do that for me. She was just so – tiny. She had to be over a foot shorter than me, which made it hard for her to keep up if I walked at my regular pace. I honestly didn't mind that I had to slow down a bit because it gave me some time to think – and I had a lot to think about.

I was supposed to head back to La Push the next day but there was no way I could leave her. I had to tell my mom that I'd found her. I had to find a place to stay and see if I could transfer schools. I had to start looking for a job... While the back of my mind was busy trying to figure out how I was going to make it all work, the bulk of it was busy watching Olivia's petite and slender form sway back and forth with small but graceful movements, in her fitted, dark jeans and long, smoky grey sweater.

My mind cleared and focused on her completely again once we were in the cafe. It bothered me that she seemed to be a bit anxious and guarded again as soon as we walked in the door. Her head lowered so that she was looking at the floor while she navigated a careful path to the register, leaving a lot of space between herself and the other students around her. I instantly felt protective of her again, though I didn't know why she was nervous and made sure to walk closely behind her. She didn't seem to mind my close proximity, so I didn't stop. I followed her closely all the way to the register – where she was very _enthusiastically_ greeted by some tall, skinny, blonde dude named _John._

It was obvious from the way that he reacted to her presence that he knew her. He knew her name and had her order on the go before she'd even reached the counter. He didn't even seem to register that I was there with her in the beginning. I watched carefully as he pursed his lips slightly and looked her over quickly from head to toe and back again while she eyes the pastries in front of her. As I took in the way he was looking at her and talking to her, I was immediately aware of the fact that he interested in her.

I did _not _like the way he was looking at her. _At all._ I'd seen that look before. He looked like he was sizing her up for something, and I didn't even want to let my mind _begin_ to imagine what he wanted her for.

_Shit, _I thought as my heart began to burn a bit with anger and jealousy, _don't go there, Seth. You don't need to start thinking about that. You've seen that look before. You know _exactly _what he wants from her. _ I felt my fists clench in the pockets of my jeans and my shoulders tense up while my face pulled down into a rare frown as I considered the fact that this guy was obviously into her... and then wondered if she might be interested in him too.

They'd obviously talked and had gotten to know each other a bit, because he knew her name and enough about her to assume what she wanted to eat and drink. She didn't seem like the type to open up to just anyone. I watched him prepare her bagel and found myself feeling more than a bit on edge as I questioned whether or not they were friends and wondered what Olivia thought of him. I didn't need or want to wonder any more than I already had about what he thought of her. Just the thought of what he was obviously thinking about when she walked in set me on edge.

"Can I get you anything?" I heard her soft, sweet voice say from my right.

She surprised me by interrupting my thoughts. I stared at her for a moment feeling kind of confused by her question. I'd pretty much invited myself along with her to the Spikes and had practically sidled up alongside her, following her like a loyal puppy since I'd seen her at the store... and here she was, offering to buy me coffee. She probably had no idea how backwards that sounded to me.

I was just grateful to be able to spend another hour with her until her friend got there.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw John gaping at her too and chuckled as I realized that he was surprised to see her giving me that kind of attention.

_Ha,_ I thought a bit smugly, _bet ya didn't see that one coming, bagel-boy._ I felt my lips curl up into an involuntary half smile when I noticed him scowling at me.

I told Olivia not to worry about me and placed my own order with bagel-boy as he gave me the death stare from the other side of the counter. He spilled some of my coffee and skimped on my cream cheese, then charged me for the total of both mine and Olivia's order, rudely assuming that one of us was paying for both.

My smiled widened while I was thinking that I'd love to buy her tea and bagel for her – even if it was mostly just because I knew it was getting under bagel-boy's skin. I tossed a ten at him while waving away her protests and telling him he could keep the change... _because there was no way he was getting this girl – _not if I had anything to say about it_._

I picked up my stuff and headed for a booth in the very back of the small cafe, where it seemed to be the least crowded and would be the quietest. I wanted to be able to talk with her and hear her soft voice without the noise of other people's conversations distracting me. I sat on the far side of the booth and she sat across from me. I watched with amusement as she slid onto the bench she curled up adorably, like a kitten, with her legs tucked up onto the seat beside her, arms pressed into her sides, and her tiny hands wrapped around her large peppermint tea.

I took an enormous bite out of my first bagel to stifle the groan I was about to release when I inhaled the combination of her – that sweet, smooth chocolaty fragrance – combined with the smell of fresh peppermint from the tea.

_Whoa. Holy crap,_ I thought as I hastily shoved another bite in my mouth, _that combination is just... so... __**edible**__. _

I quickly finished my first bagel, doing my best to calm my body's reaction to her scent. This wasn't a great time to be distracted because I really wanted to get to know her, and I knew that wouldn't be easy to do if I was focused on the fact that my body wanted to be as close as possible to her and her sweet scent. When I was done I glanced over to see her fiddling with her bag. I knew I should have been talking to her, but I was way too distracted by the overwhelming combination of scents swirling around me. I wracked my brain, trying to think of a nice way to start a conversation. Unfortunately, my brain had other plans.

"That smells really good," I blurted out, and then froze.

_Shit. C'mon filter, don't fail me now..._

"Um, your tea," I mumbled in response to her confused expression. Her face lit up with understanding as she peered down at the cup in front of her. She grasped it in her hands again and nodded.

"It's Peppermint. It's my favourite. I drink it all the time. It's supposed to be soothing and I love the flavour of it. It reminds me of candy canes... and Christmas," she said with a small shrug.

I smiled, delighted to know that if we ever had coffee together again, I would get to sit and enjoy the sweet, fresh combo of chocolate and mint all over again.

"I'll have to try it sometime," I said and took another bite of my bagel while she took a sip of her tea and picked a tiny piece of hers off too. I noticed that she ate very small bits at a time and didn't really seem to be too interested in her food. I wondered if she ate very much, and then decided that she probably didn't. She may have been curvy, but she was very slender and petite. I reasoned that it probably wouldn't take much to fuel a body as tiny as hers.

When I got to thinking about her stature it reminded me of something I wanted to ask her. There were a million questions floating around in my head. I wanted to know everything and anything I could about the soft, beautiful girl in front of me. I decided to start with this question because it would be easy for her to answer and interesting to see if my guess from earlier was right.

"So, I noticed how hard it was for you to reach those top shelves at the store earlier. How tall are you?" I asked before biting another chunk off of my second bagel.

I was immediately rewarded with something ten times better than an answer. She giggled so softly I almost didn't hear it and looked down at her cup while shaking her head slightly. I felt my face split nearly in two with the widest smile I think I'd ever had at hearing that soft sound. Her giggle was like an eruption of small, muffled tinkling bells. It was kind of high pitched, like most girls sound when they giggle, but soft and breathy. It was without a doubt the sweetest thing I had ever heard.

I was still grinning when she finally spoke.

"Five feet," she said softly looking down at her tea – and then stopped.

I waited a second for her to continue. She didn't, so I decided to prompt her.

"Five foot..." I trailed off suggestively, raising my eyebrows bit.

She looked up at me with her head still angled toward her mug until her vibrant, icy blue eyes met mine from under her thick black lashes – and shrugged.

I felt my brow furrow in confusion, wondering what I was missing, before I finally clued in to what she was trying to tell me. There was nothing missing from her answer. She was five feet – _no inches_ – tall.

My eyes widened and I shook my head as I realized that at six foot two I was over a foot taller than her.

"What about you?" she asked quietly and then took another sip of her tea.

"Six two," I answered automatically and then smiled with a shrug of my own. It was a big difference, but it could have been worse. I was actually on the shorter end for height with all of the other pack brothers.

She nodded and took another sip of her tea.

And so it went for the next little while. We sat like that and talked about a bunch of different things. The pattern in the conversation was the simple and easy. I would ask a question, she would answer and then she'd ask me to reciprocate with my answer to the same question.

I was pleasantly surprised that it was so easy to talk to her. I sort of figured that it might have been tough, given that she was obviously a bit shy. But it wasn't. I took advantage of the easy conversation as much as I could and took the opportunity to get to know everything I could about her before her friend got there.

I learned that she was originally from Alaska, that she was an undeclared major and that she was currently living in a dorm on campus. When I asked about siblings she told me that she was an only child. She mentioned candy canes and Christmas earlier when talking about her tea, so I asked if they were favourites of hers. She said that she liked Christmas the most out of all of the holidays, but that her favourite sweet treat was Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream with candy canes coming in at a close second. Her favourite food was anything Thai, she had an eclectic taste in music and that she missed a bunch of school a couple of years ago because she was sick, so she was behind in math. I was instantly concerned about why she was so sick that she had to miss that much school and was going to ask her about it but she rushed into an explanation about how the time she missed in school still affected her with math. She said that math wasn't her strong suit and that she hadn't been able to catch up. That was why she was taking the summer course. She was slightly hesitant when we spoke, but she offered each answer to me with a thoughtful and quiet honesty that kept me hanging off of her every word.

I was just in the middle of listening to her tell me about her job at De Hart's when I detected a very familiar scent in the air. I hung my head a bit knowing what, or rather _who_, was making their way back to our booth.

Olivia noticed my slight change in posture and stopped talking just in time for Jake to saunter up and stand next to our table with his arms crossed over his chest and a half-grin, half-smirk plastered all over his face.

I rolled my eyes lightly at the smug look on his face and then straightened up as, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Olivia sliding a bit closer to the window and away from Jake. I glanced over at her and noticed that the relaxed girl who I had been having a conversation with was pretty much gone. She was huddled in the corner of the booth, fidgeting with her cup and looking just to the left of where Jake stood, which told me that she was feeling apprehensive again.

I was a bit uneasy with my observations and felt a large wave of concern wash over me. That creep who scared her at the store earlier was a pretty big guy... and she seemed really nervous now too. But she wasn't nervous with me. I was immediately grateful for whatever it was that made her feel comfortable around me. I don't think I would have taken the rejection of her shying away from me, like she was with Jake, very well at all. I frowned a bit because I didn't like what I was seeing. She wasn't exactly cowering away from Jake, but she was definitely not comfortable around him.

"Hey, Seth. How's it goin'?" Jake asked slyly as his grin widened. I could tell by the mischievous look in his eyes that the smug motherfucker knew _exactly _how it was going.

I smiled widely at him and chuckled, glancing at the black haired beauty sitting across from me, not really giving a shit about the ribbing I was going to get for my behaviour later. Nothing could bring me down from the high I was on that night. I had found _her_... and I was already crazy about her.

"Really good, Jake," I answered honestly and then grinned like the fucking Cheshire cat.

He chuckled under his breath and nodded before turning his gaze towards Olivia.

"Are you going to introduce me to your new friend?" he asked and raised his eyebrows as his gaze cut back toward me.

I hesitated just a second, worried about her initial reaction to him and held Jake's gaze, trying to convey with my eyes that he should probably be cautious with her. He seemed to catch my drift and relaxed his posture, uncrossing his arms and shoving his thumbs casually into the pocket of his jeans.

I took a deep breath and looked back at her, noticing that she had shifted her gaze back to me. I held her eyes and smiled as I spoke, trying to let her know that I understood that she was shy and that everything was ok.

"Jake, this is Olivia," I said softly, nodding in her direction, my eyes still anchored to her bright blue ones.

"Olivia, this is one of my best friends, Jacob Black." I noticed that the longer I held her gaze, the less tense she seemed to be, and by the time I finished introducing Jake as a friend she had stopped fiddling with her mug and relaxed back down into the seat and away from the window a bit.

She nodded and closed her eyes, then turned toward Jake, raised her head and opened her eyes to look near his. She wasn't actually looking at him but somewhere close by, near the left of his head again. I briefly glanced in that direction to see if there was anything interesting over there, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

I looked back just in time to see Jake flash his pearly whites at her, taking advantage of the grin that all the girls seemed to love about him and nod in her direction. I was glad that he didn't hold his hand out to her. She seemed too shy to be a hand-shaker... even though she shook mine earlier.

"Hi... um it's, um, n-nice to meet you," she said softly before lowering her gaze back to her cup and busying herself with a small bite of her bagel.

"Really nice to meet you, too," Jake said warmly as she took a sip of her tea to wash down her bagel. I noticed that she smiled a bit around her mug and I turned to grin at Jake, feeling glad the she seemed to noticed the kindness in his voice, and grateful to him for being so nice to her. I should have known I wouldn't have to worry about Jake putting her at ease; he was best friends with _Bella_... if anyone knew how to act around a shy girl, it would be him.

"So, I'm glad you got your coffee," Jake said turning the conversation back towards me. "I came down to get some for Nessie and me too. Because we're, you know... out."

He smirked at me and then winked out of the corner of his eye before giving a pointed look at the bag on the bench beside me from the store containing buns... and no coffee. I shook my head slightly, realizing that I had gotten so caught up in everything that I forgot about the coffee. To be honest, if Olivia hadn't mention ringing up the bread I probably would have forgotten about that too.

Olivia's phone beeped again and I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she quietly pulled it out of her bag to check her messages. Her shiny, long, black hair slid forward and covered her face, making me wish I could reach across the table and tuck it behind her ear. I already didn't like not being able to see her face.

"That reminds me, Seth," Jake said quietly but a bit more pointedly this time. "Shouldn't you call your mom about tomorrow?"

_SHIT! Tomorrow! I'm supposed to go back to La Push in the morning. Right. Ok, fuck that... definitely NOT going back tomorrow... and yeah, shit... I need to call my mom, and get her to send my stuff up, and find a place to stay – _

"I'm sure she'll be fine with you staying at our place a little longer," Jake said, looking straight at me, obviously seeing the panicked look on my face at just the thought of leaving and trying to put me at ease. "But it's getting a bit late so, don't wait too long."

I nodded absently and thanked him for reminding me just as I heard Olivia sigh and shove her phone back into her bag. I turned to look at her and noticed that she was frowning.

"I'm just going to grab our coffees and go. See you later, Seth. Nice meeting you, Olivia," Jake said before walking up to the counter to order their coffees.

"Um... that was Amber," Olivia said quietly. Her eyes bounced back and forth between my face and her mug, making it seem like she was nervous or anxious about something. "She's not coming. She said her date's running later than planned so... I guess I'm going to head home." Her frown deepened and her eyebrows pulled together a bit, like she was sad and thinking about something.

My heart dropped to the floor and lump caught in my throat as I realized that she was going to go and I had no way to contact her again. I didn't like that she was leaving but we had been sitting there for almost two hours, and the sky was darkening so I knew it was getting late. She probably had to get up early for class... but I didn't want her to leave me, or me to leave her – ever. It was kind of crazy and surreal to suddenly feel so attached to a person I'd just met. I'd lived eighteen years without her but after spending just a few hours in her presence I didn't think I could stand one more second of life without her. The thought of leaving her just – hurt. I felt like I wanted to keep her, possess her somehow. She was so tiny that I almost felt like I needed to tuck her up into a little ball, pull her to my chest and cuddle her there, just so I could hold her close and keep her with me – always.

I knew it was all kinds of crazy – but at the same time, it was also every kind of _right_.

I quickly ran through my options in my head. I thought about asking her for her number... but she was so shy that I wasn't sure she'd want to give it to me. I debated asking her when her class was the next day and offering to meet her afterwards to study because we hadn't gotten any studying done, but I was afraid that I would sound like a stalker if I asked her about her school schedule on the first night that I met her and that would definitely freak her out. And I couldn't very well follow her home...

_No, but you _can _offer to walk her there... _my subconscious reminded me.I smiled inwardly as I thought it through. _Would she let me do that? She said she lived in a dorm. If I walked her to her building she wouldn't have to be afraid of me knowing exactly how to find her; there were a lot of rooms in dorms. It would be a friendly gesture to ask... not a creepy one. And I wanted to be her friend – for now at least. It's dark and she's alone. So, I really _should_ walk with her, just to make sure she gets to the door of the building and safely inside. A nice guy wouldn't let a pretty girl like her walk home alone in the dark._

I sucked in a deep breath, surprising myself when I felt my chest and abdomen shake a little with nerves. I was hardly ever nervous. But this was a big deal to me, so I guessed that it made sense to feel that way. I looked over to see her pop the last bite of her bagel into her mouth and decided that it was time to ask and just hope like hell that she didn't say no.

"Can I walk you home?" I asked somewhat hesitantly. Her eyes shot up to mine. They were wide and a bit surprised, and I was suddenly worried that maybe it _was_ a bit much to ask to walk her home after just having met her a couple of hours ago. So I decided to try and explain that I only wanted to make sure that she was safe. I wanted to make her understand that she could trust me.

"It's getting really dark out, and I don't think it's very safe for pretty girls like yourself to walk around alone late at night. You live in a dorm, right? Could I just walk you to the building to make sure you get in safely...?" I said, trailing off when I watched her mouth open slightly and heard her pull in a quiet gasp as she stared at me with her icy blue eyes widely open.

I was just about to tell her not to worry about it and go for option B, ask the girl for her number, when she answered in a small but confident voice.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "I don't really like walking alone in the dark."

I grinned, elated that for the second time that day she said yes – _to me_. I grabbed my bag with the buns and slid out of the booth while Olivia slipped on her sweater and grabbed her backpack before sliding out of the booth to stand in front of me. I followed her closely as she made her way through the crowd with her head down again, once again giving herself a lot of space around the others and then strode up alongside her when we got outside.

We walked in silence for about five minutes until she suddenly stopped just outside of the third brown brick building on campus. I looked up and noticed that, sitting over the glass entry doors, there was a sign indicating that the building was labelled '3' for building three. I tucked that little detail into the back of my mind for when I came back in my wolf form later that night. I was definitely planning to patrol around there a little bit, just to make sure she was living in a generally safe area. I didn't anticipate anything bad, I just needed to make sure for myself that she was safe.

I turned back then to look down at her and was surprised to see that she was looking up at me already. I smiled and gazed into her bright, clear blue eyes, noticing how they seemed to glow a bit in the moonlight. Her skin seemed paler, so soft and smooth, her hair seemed shinier and her soft pink lips seemed darker, almost lavender. I swallowed thickly and tried hard to keep my smile plastered to my face when I noticed that with the way her head was tilted towards mine, she was in the perfect position for me to lean down and kiss her. And I found that I was almost _dying_ to kiss her. I knew that I couldn't because we just met and she was shy and I didn't even know if she liked me that way, but I had to acknowledge that at that point, I really, _really_ wanted to do it.

I started taking deeper breaths as I felt a torrent of the tingling sensation from before rush suddenly and powerfully through my body and cloud my mind a bit. I was almost vibrating with the need to cup her soft face in my hands, to lose myself in the depths of her piercing blue eyes, to lean down and press my lips to her soft ones, gently pulling that plump lower one into my mouth, to _taste_ her... God, it was like it wasn't optional, it was compulsory. And then I knew that I was wrong about _wanting_ to do it; nope - I _needed_ to. I found myself involuntarily leaning down a bit, like I was being pulled toward her. I was suddenly understanding with a strong sense of clarity, what the others meant about the _undeniable attraction _that occurred between a wolf and their true mate.

_Shit. Shit, Seth, get it together... you can't do this now – you'll fucking scare her. SHIT._

I needed a distraction, and_ fast_, so I spoke almost without thinking.

"Do you need someone to study with tomorrow?" I asked almost breathlessly. I held my breath and waited, praying that she really needed it and would let me help her study.

Once again she was staring at me with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth but this time it was only for a second or two. She blinked rapidly a couple of times and swallowed before answering.

"I'd love that. Thank you," she mumbled quietly as we stared into each other's eyes. "I'm in class until two. We um... we could meet at Spikes at two fifteen. Um... if you want to. But, you don't have to – if you have other things to do."

"Two-fifteen is great," I replied softly but excitedly. She blinked rapidly again and let her gaze fall to my shirt. I hoped that I hadn't frightened her with my slightly over-eager response. I was trying to reign in my enthusiasm, but it was really hard because knowing that she wanted to see me again literally made me feel like I was flying. It was exhilarating to think that this gorgeous girl, who was obviously shy around men, was inviting me to study with her. Well, not _inviting_ me because technically I had asked her... but she said yes when she could just as easily have said no. We'd just met, and I didn't live up to my offer to help her study tonight – but she still wanted to see me again – tomorrow. I couldn't wait. I had a feeling that every second from now until then would feel like an hour. Before I could start wondering whether or not it was possible to miss a person if they were standing right in front of you, she spoke again.

"Okay ... so two-fifteen," she mumbled quietly. I nodded and smiled at her expression. She seemed a little bit surprised.

We stood there for moment in complete silence. I wasn't sure what she was thinking about, but I was trying to figure out why she seemed surprised that I wanted to study with her. I just finished following her around all evening, grasping at chances to spend time with her. Could she actually think that I didn't like her after that?

"Seth?" she whispered suddenly, forcing me to snap out of my thoughts. I glanced at her face and was surprised to find that she was looking me straight in the eye, once again. There was no shyness or hesitation in her gaze this time. In fact, it was kind of the opposite. She seemed to be a bit determined to talk to me about something.

It was more direct and bold than anything I had seen her do yet. I was immediately aware that whatever she wanted to say next was important to her. She didn't seem like the type to go out of her way to get someone's attention, so the fact that she was made it abundantly clear that she was really making an effort to emphasize something.

"Yeah?" I whispered back.

"Thank you," she said in a surprisingly strong and very sincere voice, "for everything."

Then, suddenly, she perched up on her toes and wrapped little arms over my shoulders in a loose hug. I started a bit because the tingling sensation from before literally _electrified_ with her touch and worked itself into a pulsating rhythm in my blood, almost like a drum. I felt the pulse of the electric shock in my veins and could almost hear the steady beat of it behind my ears.

_Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum_, it went.

_Whoa. _

_Ho-ly crap. _

_Holycrap. Holycrapholycrapholycrap, _my brain was chanting at me.

I huffed out a gust of air, shocked at both her gesture and my body's strong response to it.

She let go almost right away. It was without a doubt the quickest, lightest and briefest hug that I'd ever been given, but it was by far the bestbecause _she_ had given it to me.

I stood back and watched, completely dumbfounded, as she quickly let go of me and hurriedly stepped up to the door of the building.

I shook my head, trying to clear it before she made it inside, but wasn't fast enough. She turned back to look in my direction and waved goodbye through the glass as she closed the door behind her. I smiled and waved back, watching as she turned away from the door and made her way up the stairs. With my heightened sense of hearing, I followed her light footsteps as she made her way up the stairs to make sure that she made it to her room okay. I heard her slide her key in the lock, let herself in and lock the door behind her. I noticed a light turn on in the second window from the right of the building – third floor.

I breathed a small sigh of relief. She was safe.

I stood there for a few minutes, silently acknowledging the sudden feeling of unease and emptiness I felt at having to leave her there in her dorm and go somewhere else. I felt that need to roll her up and tuck her into my side grow stronger with each second. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, knowing from what I heard from all of the others over the years that this was completely normal – and that, even though I felt like it was impossible to leave her and be apart from her, I could do it. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I knew I couldn't stand there all night because that _would_ be creepy.

And Jake was right earlier. I needed to call my mom and sort out the details of leaving La Push. I had a lot of things to work out. I shook my head and opened my eyes, amazed with the fact that my brain wasn't even registering La Push as _home_ anymore. I hadn't even been tempted to call it that – because my home wasn't there anymore. Home was a few dozen feet away with a shy and beautiful, blue-eyed, black haired girl...

I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly as I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans and started walking back to Jake and Nessie's. I was lost in my thoughts, barely noticing the scenery around me, as I tried to wrap my head around the events of the day. I had come to Alaska for a short visit to help my friends move... and I'd ended up finding my entire reason for being in their new backyard.

I remembered thinking earlier about how much I was going to miss not being around to watch Jake's reaction to Nessie's growing attraction to him. I laughed loudly, shaking my head as I acknowledged the irony of it all. The sound echoed in the cooling night air around me. I'd been anxious to see Jake's reaction to Nessie, to get to tease him a bit and maybe mess with his head like brothers do... but suddenly the shoe was on the other foot. _I_ was the one who'd be on the receiving end of the teasing and Jake was already messing with me.

After my laughter subsided, my face relaxed into the crazy grin it had been wearing at every available opportunity since I'd met her. I sighed happily as I entered the house and walked into the living room to find a smug and happy looking Jake and an expectant and smiling Nessie waiting for me.

I rolled my eyes, still unable to wipe the crazy grin off my face, realizing that they were just the first in a long line of people I had to talk to that night.

I had some serious planning and explaining to do... but at that moment I really didn't care about any of it. I was happier than I'd ever been in my whole life and I couldn't wait to tell my mom and everyone else I knew about the sweet girl that had just become the centre or my whole world.

**For those of you who may be wondering, this fic is actually going to be longer than I had originally anticipated. Instead of the originally predicted 5-10 chapters, I'm very excited to inform you that it is actually going to be its own full length fic. Their story is just too good and sweet to rush.**

**So, do any of you have guesses about how Sue or Leah will take the news? I'd love to hear about them...**

**Please review and let me know what you think.**

**Thank you,**

**~Hitchy**


	4. I Think I'm Ready

**This chapter is split between Olivia and Seth's POV's. **

**Many thanks to **_**shepeppy**_** for using her awesome beta skills on this chapter.**

**Anyone still there? LOL! Sorry for the delay. RL and computer problems and all of that. I won't keep you any longer up here. I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**SM owns Twilight. Olivia is all mine.**

**Chapter 4 – I think I'm ready...**

My mother always told me that you'd show up one day  
So scared to feel this way

But love, I think I'm ready, ready for it  
Ready for it  
Oh love, I think I'm ready, ready for it  
Ready for it  
Oh love, I think I'm ready

_I Think I'm Ready ~ Katy Perry_

**OPOV**

I breathed a huge sigh as I locked the door behind me.

And then I freaked out a bit.

I... _hugged_... him.

My brain had trouble stringing the words together in that order. It was staggered and unnatural sounding. I didn't _hug_ people - any people. Not even my parents. My mom and dad were not physically affectionate people. Not any kind of affectionate, really... but that was besides the point.

The point was, that I hugged a boy.

Except that he wasn't really a boy. There was no mistaking the fact that Seth was anything but a boy. His height, strong and well defined jaw, and wiry muscle underneath his shirt were anything but boy-like. He was definitely a man – and a very handsome one at that.

I inhaled sharply and deeply, and then felt my cheeks puff out as I exhaled in a large and heavy huff. My chest felt tight, my stomach was tied in knots, and my blood sped through my veins.

But that was nothing new. My blood sped through my veins all the time when I met men, especially ones as tall and muscular as Seth. But it was totally different this time...

Now _that_... that_ was_ the point.

I wandered on wooden legs into our small living room from the entrance, dropped my bag on the hardwood floor, and absently curled myself up in my favourite corner of our second hand couch, facing the window. I waited patiently as I felt the after effects of my body reacting to what I'd done. It was typical really. Shaky hands, speeding breath, a pounding heart, and all of the symptoms I'd felt since I walked in the door were things I'd felt a million times before in the presence of men like Seth. Their physical presence always loomed over and around me... stalking me like the ominous slither of a viper looking for a meal.

The first few times it happened I felt a bit dramatic thinking about my reactions this way. I knew the chances of getting attacked by a snake were rare, especially in Alaska of all places... but I wasn't really thinking about snakes. I was thinking about guys that acted like them. The more I thought about it, I actually became comfortable with this comparison, more so than any others I'd made. Snakes were cunning, they were fast, they left you stunned and helpless... and once you'd been caught in the grips of their jaws, the effects were brutal, sometimes deadly.

But... there was something missing this time during my interaction with Seth – something that made me somehow _not_ want to put him in the same category as all of the other men I'd met. Snakes were cold blooded creatures. So, it only made sense that every time I ran into a potential viper, my blood would run cold in my skin. I always thought it was an appropriate reaction, and expected it each time. Including this one.

But it didn't happened.

As a matter of fact, it was exactly opposite. The entire time I was with Seth I felt at peace and comforted by an odd sense of warmth that I felt with him. It wasn't just his body temperature, which seemed to run a little hotter than the average person's, it was just – _him_. His hands were warm, his smile was warm, his personality was warm, and his eyes were the warmest thing of all. His eyes weren't like any others I'd ever seen. They were like melted dark chocolate –smooth, sweet, warm and _inviting_.

And the weirdest thing was, that for the first time in _years_, ever since I agreed to go out with... with Travis... I _wanted_ to accept the invitation in someone's eyes. I wanted to hang out with him and get to know him and that... just... _scared_ me. I didn't do the whole 'socializing thing' very well, if at all. Not with anyone, but especially not with guys. I could barely function around them... except for today... with Seth.

It's not that I didn't want to make friends with people, because I did. It just usually took me a long time to warm up to them, which, once again, was the complete opposite of what happened with Seth. I'd taken to his easy-going personality quickly and had a longer conversation with him at Spike's than I think I'd ever had with anyone before. I kept waiting to feel uncomfortable, for my nerves and anxiety to kick in, but they just didn't. As a matter of fact, I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. He just kept asking me silly questions about myself... and I kept giving him answers. I didn't even have time to get nervous over what to ask him about, because I figured that I should find out the same things about him that he was asking of me.

And, surprisingly, it just... worked.

I didn't think that whatever happened with Seth was going to apply to other people, though. When his friend, Jake, approached us in the cafe, I immediately started feeling like I usually do. His friend was a really big guy, and he was sort of intimidating, standing there with his arms crossed, hovering over the table. I immediately shrank back into myself, curling up on the seat and moving a bit closer to the window, until Seth started introducing us and held my gaze. He seemed to be really relaxed and happy to introduce me to his friend, which made me feel like maybe my instincts about the large man towering over our table were wrong. And Seth looked at me the whole time, like he knew that I needed to focus on him, and not the tall, large, intimidating form of his friend.

I felt badly for reacting that way to his friend after that. Seth seemed like a nice guy, and I was assuming that his friend wasn't, just because he was a big guy – which probably wasn't the case. So, I swallowed what I could of my fears, and turned toward Jake, looking as close to his face as I could, without looking directly into his eyes, and told him it was nice to meet him. I stuttered and fumbled my way through it of course, but no one seemed to notice, and by the time I heard Jake return the comment I was staring into my tea taking a sip and trying to cover my smile. I knew neither one of them would understand the reason for it, but I was secretly really happy that I had been able to do that. It was far braver than anything I'd ever done after meeting any guy in the last three years.

Which made my reaction to Seth, and what I'd done to thank him, all the more incredible to me. I still wasn't sure why I'd just reached out and _hugged_ him like that. The only thing I knew was that, at the time, it just felt – right.

The soft ringing of my phone at the bottom of my backpack brought me out of my silent musings. I sighed, thinking that it was probably Amber calling to let me know all about her date. I liked Amber, but I was a little upset that she stood me up. For all she knew I was sitting at Spike's for two hours, waiting for her by myself. I leaned over, unzipped the bag and took a quick glance at the call display.

_Mom._

I quickly flipped it open and pressed the phone to my ear.

"Hi Mom," I said quietly and waited to hear the sound of her voice. It had been about a two weeks since we'd talked. I would have felt bad for it being so long, but it wasn't for lack of trying on my part. My mom was always busy these days, working over time, taking care of my dad...

"Olivia," she said quietly in response. It was her typical greeting. No 'hi sweetie' or other affectionate greetings were used in my family. Like I said, my parents were not very affectionate people, even with their daughter. I knew it wasn't because they didn't love me, especially not with my mom, it was just the way they were.

"I didn't catch you in the middle of studying did I?" my mom asked. It was the same question she'd asked me both of the other times we'd talked since I moved out of the house and into the dorm. It was, of course, her natural assumption about what I'd be doing. It wasn't like she thought I'd be out with friends. She knew I didn't have many.

"No, Mom. I just got home from having coffee with a... friend," I said cautiously. I rolled the word friend around in my head and tried to attach to the image of the two of us sitting and having coffee at Spike's. We were certainly acting like friends, although we'd just met. And we were meeting up again tomorrow, to study... so I guessed it was okay to call Seth that.

"Oh," my mom said in return, "how is Amber?" she asked, automatically assuming that I was meeting with her. I couldn't blame her for it, really. Amber was the only friend I'd mentioned to her since I moved out here.

"Amber was on a date, actually. I met with someone else... to study," I told her quietly.

"Another friend from class?" she replied curiously.

I sighed quietly. My mom may not have been an affectionate person, but she made an effort to talk to me and get to know everything about me. She was my first and most constant friend. I felt a little weird admitting the day's strange events to her, but I decided to do it anyway, with just a few minor changes.

My mom and I didn't keep secrets. She'd always treated me like an adult and never hid anything from me to shelter me or protect me as a kid. She was always honest with me, and I was with her, too.

"No, actually. I – well..." I fumbled and blushed lightly even though there was no one around to see it.

I sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves before continuing.

"I met a friend, who isn't in my class," I said quietly, "but offered to help me with my math because Amber was busy. He said he was pretty good at it..." I trailed off then, realizing that I'd just told my mom that I'd had coffee with a guy, when I said the word 'he'. I mentally kicked myself, because I knew she'd probably think it was something like a date, but it wasn't like that at all. I mean, who dated weird girls who stuttered and freaked out over nothing and were so shy they could barely look a guy in the eye?

Not a guy like Seth... I was pretty sure of that. He seemed way too kind and handsome and sweet not to have a million normal girls falling at his feet.

I stared at the floor with a pang of hurt stinging in my heart. I knew it was kind of silly to feel hurt, because as shy as I was and as scared as I was around most guys, it really didn't make sense for dating to be an issue. But, still... it wasn't like I didn't have the same dreams most girls had about meeting someone special and falling in love. It just wasn't really possible for someone like me because I could never be comfortable enough with a guy for any of that to become a reality.

I heard rustling and movement on the other end of the line. The soft click of a door alerted me to the fact that my mom had moved into another room of the house. She must have been near my dad. I silently thanked her for getting out of his earshot for whatever she was about to say next. We both knew that he would not be happy to overhear where this conversation was going.

"_He_, Olivia?" my mom asked with more than just a bit of surprise in her voice.

"Um, yeah, mom – he." I answered quietly, and then continued to explain before my mom could get the wrong impression, "I met him at work today, and he offered to help me study when Amber bailed on me for her date. He was really... nice... and so I – I said... yes. We just went to the cafe at the university."

I stopped there, figuring that I'd given her enough information for her to understand that I was not, in fact, on a date, I was just meeting with someone who offered to help me because Amber cancelled. I didn't tell her about Travis. That was one piece of information I knew was bound to make her upset, and she would definitely share it with my father, who would probably demand that I move back home immediately if he knew that _he_ was anywhere near me.

And that was the last thing I wanted. I moved out for so many reasons... most of them centering around the fact that I needed to move on with my life. And I just couldn't do it living in a house with my father, and all of his rules, and reminders... and the _guilt_. I just... couldn't go back to that.

"So... is he a student at UAS?" my mom asked cautiously.

"Well, not yet," I answered honestly. Seth told me that he'd just spent the week in Alaska helping his friends move up here for school and that he was planning to check out the university tomorrow because he liked it here so much. He said if he could get in, he'd probably move up here himself.

"He was up here checking out the school," I answered "he might start in a few weeks, with the fall term."

"Oh," my mom said, and then paused. I waited for her to say more. I knew there was more coming, but, like me, she liked to have a minute to put her thoughts together before speaking about something important. And this... this was _huge_ for me.

"And you were... _okay_, Olivia?"

I sighed and shook my head at the caution and surprise in her voice. I knew she was asking whether or not I was able to interact with him without freaking out.

"Yes," I whispered softly, still hardly able to believe it myself.

She cleared her throat a bit and took a deep breath.

"Good. That's good," she replied slowly.

"Yeah," I agreed, "it is."

There was another pause as I waited for her to continue the conversation.

"What's his name?"

Oh. That was a question I wasn't expecting. My mom seemed a bit apprehensive about asking, so I wondered if maybe she was as unsure about how to have this conversation as I was.

"Um... his name is Seth," I said and smiled. I don't know why, but something about saying his name out loud made a tiny bit of the warm feeling I felt when I was with him earlier return. I also knew that my mom would approve; it was a strong name with biblical origins, and that would be bound to make her happy.

"Well," my mom said quietly, "I think that's really nice, Olivia. Maybe he'll register at your school so that you can study together again, sometime."

For the second time in the conversation, I blushed. I didn't know why, but something about admitting to my mom that I had already made plans to study with him again made me feel a bit nervous... or overeager... or something. I wasn't sure what that other something was, I just knew that the combination of feelings made me flush from my neck to my hairline.

"Actually mom, he offered to help me again tomorrow," I said so quietly, it was barely a whisper. "And I accepted."

She sucked in a small gasp and let her breath out in a huff.

"You're meeting in public again, Olivia?" she asked quickly.

My smile from before faltered and my blush quickly faded as my skin paled, while I thought about the reason for her concern. I hated that having a simple conversation with my mom about meeting a guy to _study_, had to be clouded with apprehension. But I understood why it did. The last time I went anywhere alone with a guy, it ended... _badly_. I wasn't the only one who was afraid of something bad happening again... but I needed to move on, and I couldn't do it with constant reminders of why I needed to be cautious.

"Yes, mom," I said in a strained whisper, "at the same cafe, at a busy hour," I finished to reassure her. I was really hoping she would leave it at that.

She sighed in relief. "Good."

I suddenly felt really guilty for having to say that to my mom when I was talking about meeting with Seth. I realized that I didn't know him very well, and that my good impression of him might have been wrong... but for some reason he just didn't seem like any other guy I had ever met. He didn't seem like he could be cruel or hurtful or... _forceful_...

I cringed.

"How's dad?" I asked my mom quickly to change the subject.

She sighed deeply, this time in tired annoyance, before answering.

"He's fine, Olivia. His sermon today went well, and the benefit afterwards raised a lot of money for the church," she said weakly.

I noticed how drained she sounded. My father was a very busy man as the head vicar in a large Anglican church in our community. He was extremely dedicated to and involved in the community and was constantly finding ways to support charities and organizations to help people in need. To the Anglican people of the city of Juneau, my father was an amazingly generous and understanding man.

To his family, he was a busy man who lived for his job and his faith, and expected us to do the same. My mother did. She worked tirelessly to run every fundraiser, every social, and every event the church was involved in.

I... didn't. Not anymore.

"That's great, mom. Did you make enough for the new windows?" I asked, remembering that she mentioned the benefit was to raise money to replace some old stained glass windows that had fallen into disrepair over the years. I hated to see them replaced. They were gorgeous renditions of different important stories in the bible. Their colouring was vibrant, and the lines of each glass panel were delicately tailored to curve and bend in ways that most stained glass didn't.

I sighed, thinking about it. My father never did have an appreciation for anything artistic, and didn't want to hear what I had to say about it, even though I did. So despite the fact that I asked if the church could pay slightly more to have the stained glass repaired and not replaced, he was pulling them all out, and replacing them with standard windows in the spring.

"Yes," my mother answered, and left it at that. I was glad. I didn't feel like getting into a discussion about their replacement with her just then.

"Well, I'd better go," my mom said after a moment. "Your father and I will be up early tomorrow to visit the Colling's new baby boy and arrange the baptism."

"Okay," I said, feeling relieved that she didn't push the conversation about my father.

"Goodbye, Olivia."

"Bye, Mom."

After I hung up, I headed for the bathroom, and went through my nightly routine of brushing my teeth and washing my face, before climbing into bed with my sketchbook.

I took out my watercolour pencils, closed my eyes, and waited for inspiration. I'd done this almost every night for as long as I could remember. I'd always been a bit artistic. I loved poetry and music. I could sit for hours and draw or sketch. But my real passion was painting. That's why I liked to draw and sketch with watercolour pencil. If I really loved something I'd drawn, I could take a wet brush to it, and instantly bring it to life as paint.

Every night I would sit, and sketch my thoughts or feelings about the day I'd had. I'd close my eyes and wait for something important or inspiring that I'd come across to pop into my mind, and then I'd let my hands do the work of recording them on the page. My sketchbooks were like my journals. My entire life was captured in images between the pages of my little sketchbooks, stacked neatly on the shelf of my night table beside my bed.

That night... I sketched a pair of deep, inviting, chocolate brown eyes.

I worked quickly, getting the outline of the image down on paper with charcoal grey without trouble, before taking my time blending the colour to get it just right. The pair of eyes in question were darker than both of the browns in my pencil set, so I needed to darken them with a bit of black, but they held a very subtle undertone of deep red, like most browns do, so I had to work that one in as well.

It took me about an hour to finish, but once I was done, I stared back the eyes on the page, feeling satisfied. I took a minute to think about why I'd chosen to sketch his eyes and why that warm coloring was so important for me to get right – because it really was. Normally, I would have been happy to shade them in with a simple dark brown and call it a night. But dark brown didn't seem to cover it when it came to these eyes. They were special... different, like Seth.

I rolled my eyes at myself and shook my head.

_Stop over analysing this, Olivia, _my subconscious laughed out at me. _You sound like a school girl with a crush._

I gasped, and dropped the book to my lap.

_School girl with a crush. Is _that_ what this is? Do I... have a _crush_, on Seth? _

I felt my breath catch a bit as I thought it over. He was extremely handsome, there was no denying it. His golden toned tan skin, amazing smile, strong jaw and those incredible eyes were all very attractive features. You would have to be blind not to notice it. But it was more than that. I knew, better than most people did, that being attractive on the outside didn't necessarily mean someone was just as attractive on the inside. I learned that lesson the hard way.

But Seth was so sweet. It seemed really odd to attach an adjective like that to a large, strong guy like him, but it was true. He was really kind and patient with me and didn't seem to mind at all that I was practically crazy when he'd met me today. It didn't seem to bother him that I was so shy that I really didn't know how to carry on a conversation beyond a few necessary comments here and there, either. He was relaxed and actually... _fun_ to talk with.

And I was really looking forward to doing it again.

_Oh, wow_, my subconscious piped up quietly, serious all of a sudden, _it's true_. _You _do_ have a crush on him._

I pulled in a deep, shaky breath, and then sighed, painfully.

_A crush._

For the first time in forever, I had a crush.

_This is scary, _a small voice in the back of my head whispered.

I nodded into the empty night air around me and agreed with the little voice.

_But, it's kind of nice, too, _the voice responded contemplatively. _It's... normal._

I smiled a small smile, because the voice was right again. It _was_ nice... and it _was _normal.

_And... he said I was pretty,_ the voice whispered. My breath caught in my throat as I remembered the comment Seth made about not letting pretty girls walk home alone in the dark. I was shocked, to say the least. I'd always thought I was kind of plain, except for maybe my bright blue eyes. I'd heard people comment that I _could_ be pretty before, but it was always followed by, 'if you dressed a bit differently', 'if you weren't so shy', or 'if you wore your hair back more'. No one in my life had ever said I was pretty just the way I was.

Except for Seth.

_I think he meant it, _the voice said softly. I smiled and nodded again. I'd looked up at him when he said that, and his smile made him seem so sincere that I had no choice but to believe him. I remembered wishing that I could come up with some way to respond to that, but I really wasn't used to someone paying any attention to what I looked like, and didn't know what to say.

_I think..._ my subconscious spoke again, softly, but firmly this time, _I think it's _time_ for a crush._

I swallowed thickly and agreed hesitantly, quietly admitting to myself that my subconscious was right. When I'd been upset over the last couple of years over not being able to do the things that normal girls seemed to be able to do, like date or go to the prom, my mom had always told me that someone, someday would come along and change my mind. And that I would know when the time was right to try...

Over the last little while I'd started to doubt that I would ever really be ready, and wondered if I should just give up, and stop hoping for things that were clearly out of my reach. I was just too scared... to try... anything.

_I'm still scared_, I told my subconscious quietly, and then waited for me to react. But I didn't. It was almost like I didn't want to react with fear – not to this. It was surprising and mysterious to me to feel so comfortable _not _being afraid of a man.

But my subconscious was right. It was nice to think about a handsome guy and wonder about things like crushes... and actually have it be a possibility. And if Seth actually meant what he said about thinking I was pretty, and if he was as sweet as he seemed... then maybe – just _maybe_ – it was time.

_Ok, _I thought cautiously, trying my best to stay calm even though my heart was anything but... _ok. _ _I think I'm ready... really ready... to _try.

**Well, there we have it. Olivia is feeling apprehensive, but finding it very hard to resist the idea of giving things a try with Seth. **

**Just an FYI: Jake from Wicked Games has been nominated for a Sunflower Award for Best Jacob! If you'd like to vote for him please go here (and remove the spaces in the address) to do so: http : / / thesunflowerawards . blogspot . com / p / voting . html**

**Please review and let me know what you think.**

**Thank you,**

**~Hitchy**


	5. Yeah?  Yeah

**So, for those of you who don't already know, fanfiction is having problems again and author's can't respond to reviews as a result. Please know that I receive and read each one of them, and I'm really grateful to do so, especially for this little fic. Thank you. I promise to get back to you as soon as the site fixes the glitch.**

**Many thanks, as usual, to **_**shepeppy **_**for her awesome beta skills with this chapter.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a study date, a heavy bag, a warm spark, a phone number (or two), and... yeah. A lot of things like that .**

**No chapter song this time around.**

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Yeah? Yeah.**

**SPOV**

_Better? _Jake asked as we came to a stop just inside the tree line near Olivia's building.

I listened carefully to the sounds coming from her dorm and was relieved to hear the light steady beat of her heart. I felt my own heart rate slow back to its regular pace and took a deep breath while shaking out my fur.

_Yeah. Thanks, Jake. _

I'd just spent over an hour at Jake and Nessie's on the phone with my mom and my sister, telling them about Olivia and making arrangements to stay in Alaska indefinitely. It was a really weird experience, though, because I had a hard time with the crap load of feelings that were coursing through my veins. I was beyond excited to tell my mom about her, and was even more thrilled with her happy response. She cried a bit but she wasn't upset. They were happy tears. I could hear the smile in her voice, telling me that she was happy for me. But at the same time the more I talked about how amazing Olivia was the more I needed to be near her, which was kind of ridiculous because I knew I couldn't actually see her until two-fifteen the next day. After about forty five minutes on the phone I was so anxious about being away from her that I was jumpy which wasn't like me at all.

_It gets easier, Seth, _Jake thought, and huffed out a chuckle at the memory of me practically hopping around on the spot trying to get Leah off the phone so I could come back here and sniff around a bit.

I shook my head.

_I don't know how you do this all the time. I mean, I know it's hard for you to be away from Nessie, but you can do it without freaking out._

_Yeah, well I've had a few years practice. Don't worry about it. You've only been at this for a few hours. Give yourself some time to get comfortable with things. _

I took a deep breath and nodded. I was still listening to what was going on inside her dorm. I heard the sound of paper rustling and then something that sounded like light scratching against it and wondered if she was writing. I was just about to get lost in my thoughts, making guesses about what else she could be doing, when Jake interrupted with his some thoughts of his own.

_Sounds like Leah took it pretty well. _

I grimaced.

_If by that you mean that she didn't bite my head off, then yeah, you're right. _I thought back to Leah's stunned silence when I told her and then her flat, detached tone of voice afterwards when she was congratulating me. Both Jake and I flinched a bit. I loved my sister, but when she got into one of her moods she could freeze you out well enough to make your blood run cold or rile you up enough to make your blood boil and want to kick her ass, even if she was a girl. I figured her reaction wouldn't be the best, but it still kind of hurt that she wasn't even trying to act happy for me.

_She'll come around, Seth. She wants you to be happy. You know why this is hard for her._

_Yeah, I do_, I replied.

Leah hated the entire concept of imprinting. Ever since Sam left her for Emily she couldn't look at it as anything other than the thing that broke her heart. I didn't blame her for it either. She and Sam were really happy together before he had to leave her. At least she got _that_ part of it now. It took her a few years but after a while she couldn't deny that he didn't have a choice. In the beginning it was really harsh because she blamed Sam for what happened. But over the past few years she'd seen enough of the guys in the pack imprint on others that she knew what it was all about. She knew there was no way for Sam to resist what the universe had planned for him. So she decided to blame the imprint itself. She said that she thought it was 'limiting and unnatural'. Lately, the entire concept of being a wolf was wearing really thin on her. She was trying to stop phasing and let the whole thing go. She said she didn't care what the 'universe' had planned for her as a wolf. She planned to be in charge of her own destiny. She also said she felt sorry for the rest of the pack who _had_ imprinted because it took their choices away. I didn't agree but wouldn't argue with her about it because her theory gave her some peace of mind. Besides, there was no way she'd listen to me now. I was one of _them_.

_Look at the bright side, Seth. At least she'll stop harassing you about Kelly._

_Shit, don't remind me, _I grumbled. Kelly was a girl from school that I'd been seeing for the better part of last year. We broke up this summer after I found out that she was talking to some guy from Forks High. Apparently she'd gone out with him a couple of times 'as friends' – or so she said – while we were still dating. Quil saw them out together at the movie theatre in Port Angeles, though, and caught him planting a kiss on her as they left. He came straight back to the res and, after taking Claire home, reluctantly asked me to take a run with him so he could phase and show me what he saw in his thoughts. Kelly didn't do anything to provoke the guy into kissing her but she didn't push him away either. I won't lie. It hurt to watch that. Kelly was pretty much my first _everything_, and I really cared about her. I thought things were going great between us. I actually thought I loved her. She told me she loved me. I guess she didn't mean it, though. She couldn't have if she ended up cheating on me.

As much as I hated to admit it, my sister was right about her. She didn't like her from the start. She told me not to get in too deep with her, and I didn't listen.

After I confronted Kelly about what Quil saw, we broke up. Leah spent an entire week gloating and telling me that she told me so. Then she spent all summer sizing up any girl who came anywhere near me, telling me why they weren't good enough for me, either. I told her to back off and butt out a few times, but she said that she was just doing her job as my big sister, and that if I'd listened to her the first time I wouldn't have wasted everything on someone like Kelly.

_Shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck, _I thought as Leah's words, her disappointment and the true meaning behind her concern came rushing back to me, making my head spin and heart speed up.

_What the fuck did I think I was doing? _

The more I thought about it, the more I started to get really worried because, _fuck, _my sister was right. I heard Jake curse mentally as my claws dug into the ground a bit and my limbs locked up with tension. He glanced over at me, straight faced and huffed out a sigh in my direction.

_I shouldn't have done it,_ _Jake, _I thought quietly. _We shouldn't have... I mean... _shit_._ _I should have waited..._

I felt kind of sick thinking about it. I knew that I hadn't technically done anything wrong, but that didn't change the fact that it felt like I _had _now that I'd found Olivia. A couple of the other wolves who hadn't imprinted, mostly the younger ones, decided to hold off until they met 'the one'. I was on the fence about it for a long time. I thought about waiting... I really did, but after being with Kelly for six months or so I changed my mind. She said she wanted to be with me, and we were happy and thought we were in love, so it just felt right at the time.

Jake didn't say anything. He just let me mull it all over. After a few minutes I sighed and looked up at Olivia's window. She was still there, safe and presumably happy, scratching pencil to paper. I wondered what it was that she was working on that kept her up late. I kind of hoped she'd tell me about it when I saw her tomorrow, but then I figured that I'd have a hard time asking her about it when there was no way I should know about what she was doing this late at night in the first place.

And then my mind wandered back to where it was before. And I felt guilty again. I mean I'd just met her and we weren't dating, although my heart decided to skip a couple beats at just the thought of it at that moment. So, it wasn't like I'd betrayed her or anything. It didn't really feel like that anyway. I was just... disappointed in myself. It would have been better to wait.

_Hey, don't beat yourself up over this, Seth. No one knows whether or not they're going to find 'the one'. So you had a girlfriend and you did what made you both happy before you even knew Olivia existed. Imprinting isn't a guarantee – it doesn't happen for everyone. There's nothing that says you shouldn't have tried to be happy with someone else. Look at Embry. Besides, there's nothing to say that Olivia won't understand if the topic ever comes up. _

I sighed and felt the tension roll through my shoulders a bit. I shook out my fur and tried to relax. It wasn't like me to get really worked up over things. But this... this was important. This was everything.

_I know what you're saying, Jake. You're right. I just kind of wish I'd done things differently now, you know?_

Jake sighed again.

_Everyone's got a past, brother. You slept with a girl you really cared about at the time. It's not a crime. It won't be a big deal._

_Maybe you're right; maybe not. Embry's a lot older than me, Jake. I don't think anyone he met would hold it against him for not waiting. But I'm only eighteen... and if I'd just held out six more months... things would be different. Things would be better, you know?_

_Look, _Jake thought quietly. _I know it's not ideal, but, well... would it make a difference to you... if the situation was reversed, and Olivia was the one who'd been with someone else? Would it change the way you looked at her, or how you felt about her?_

I sucked in a tight gasp and closed my eyes, quickly shaking away an image of the sweet, beautiful girl I'd fallen for with some other guy. _Goddamn. _Now _that_ hurt. Just thinking about it made my heart kind of seize up and burn in my chest. My usually optimistic mind was playing traitor at the moment and tossing me images of her in the arms of someone else. It didn't matter to me what the guys in the images looked like, or how nice they could have been... each and every one of them made me feel sick and lonely... because she was supposed to be with _me_. I _wanted_ her to be with me, not them, or any other guy for that matter. The more I thought about it, the more I knew in my heart that whoever might have had the chance to be with her in the past would not have been good enough for her by my standards. Not by a long shot. I suddenly felt like Leah, sizing up any and every kind of guy I could imagine, coming up with reasons why they would never, ever be good enough to be with her.

_Fuck. I don't like thinking about this. Not helping, Jake. _I took a deep breath and tried to relax my paws enough to keep my claws from digging in the dirt like they were. _Shit._

Jake chuckled a bit remorsefully under his breath.

_Sorry, man. __I just thought you should look at it from both sides, you know. You don't really know her, and you have no idea what her life has been like. There's nothing to __say that__ she hasn't... um... _dated_... anyone before. _

I blew out a long slow breath and said a silent thank you at the back of mind for the fact that he watered down his thoughts a bit and stuck with the word 'dated' instead of anything else.

I saw Jake's muzzle dip a bit in a nod of confirmation. He got it. I knew he did. It didn't matter that he and Nessie were just friends. Just the thought of someone else being with the one your heart is tied to is a painful thing for any imprinted wolf to consider, because you knew that there was just no way anyone else would love them and live for them the way that you would. Just the fact that he was having this conversation with me at all said a lot about the kind of friend and leader he was. He saw how disappointed I was in myself and decided to help, even though he had to push a few buttons that made us both uncomfortable to do it.

I didn't want to think about me or her being with anyone else. It just didn't feel right. I wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that I'd been with Kelly when I didn't even know Olivia existed. Did I regret what I'd done? Not really. Regret seemed like too strong of a word to use. Did I think it was worth it? If someone had asked me that question any time up until I met Olivia earlier this afternoon, I would have answered yes and said that it was. But things had changed. And now... now I knew that it wasn't. When I made my decision to be with Kelly that way, I didn't really think about the fact that I was giving her a piece of me that I couldn't get back. She held a place in my life that no one else could. The problem was, now that I'd found Olivia, I wanted to give her everything. And that was something I couldn't do anymore. Kelly was and would always be my first. I didn't want to regret it, but I wasn't proud about it, either. And I knew that I was jumping the gun a bit, because technically I hadn't even gone on a date with Olivia. But I still couldn't help but wonder if Olivia would be disappointed when or if she found out.

_Seth, _Jake interrupted, y_ou_ _know how you feel about Olivia now that you've met her. Think about it. Even if you hadn't imprinted and you just fell in love with her the old fashioned way, would it change your mind about _her _if there had been someone else in her past?_

I took a deep breath and thought about what he was saying. If you loved someone, you loved them for who they were. And if whatever or whoever they'd come across in their past had a hand in making them the person that you'd fallen in love with in the present, then there really wasn't anything to be disappointed with. Their past shouldn't change your mind about them. I knew now that what I felt for Kelly wasn't the kind of love it maybe should have been, given everything that we'd done, but I did love her on some level. That probably wouldn't have changed if I wasn't the first guy she'd ever been with. If that was the case, maybe Kelly would have taken more time before she decided whether or not she wanted to be with me that way and that would have been a good thing.

If Olivia had done the same thing and had been with someone before, I'd hate it, _shit I hated just the thought of it, _but maybe it would have made her sure of what she wanted or didn't want in the future. Maybe it would have made her more cautious about who she gave her heart and her body to, and I knew I would definitely want her to do that.

_No, _I thought, _you're right, Jake. I definitely wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't change my mind about her at all. I'd still love her for who she was... imprint or not._

Besides that, I really couldn't think of one thing I could learn about that shy and gentle, gorgeous girl that would make me think less of her or not want to be with her.

_So, if she's a sweet as she seems to be, Seth, what makes you think that she won't feel the same way about you if it comes down to it?_

Jake bumped me lightly with his shoulder and by the time I turned to look at him I was grinning a bit. He had a point. She didn't really seem like the judgemental type. I might have wished that I'd done things differently, but from what little I knew of her I didn't think she'd be the type to hold it against me.

_Thanks, man. I appreciate it._

_No problem, _he thought and grinned back, flashing his pearly white teeth. Even in wolf form, dude was rocking a bright smile. _Now, let's get this show on the road. I'll run a wide circuit about five miles out in the surrounding trees. You can do a run about halfway to that. We should easily catch anything in between us at that distance._

I nodded in agreement.

_Thanks for doing this, too. I know it's probably a bit much, but..._ I paused and looked up at her window again, _I just want to make sure she's safe, you know?_

_Yeah, I do. Now let's get this done so you can go back to window watching and I can go home to Nessie. I promised her I wouldn't be gone too long. She wants to plan our tour of the school out for you tomorrow. _

He rolled his eyes and took off into the trees. I followed him, laughing. Nessie and Jake were coming with me tomorrow morning to the university campus. I was going to see if I could enrol, even though I was a couple of electives short. The only thing I had to do was pass the GED. Nessie thought my odds were good, given that my grades were high and UAS was always looking for more students. Apparently a lot of students weren't that eager to move up to the great white north to go to school. Most of their students were locals, but they were always looking for more students from out of town.

I was really hoping that Nessie was right. My mom had set some money aside for both Leah and I after my dad passed a few years ago from an unexpected heart attack. It wasn't much, but it would cover tuition and books for a couple of years. I was a bit worried about paying for other things, though. I'd have to get a job as soon as I could so I could afford to put a roof over my head and food on the table. I was a bit more worried about actually getting into the school than about the money. I really wanted to be close to Olivia as often as I could. Finishing high school for one semester while she was in university would keep me away from her a lot more than I'd like to be. Not to mention that I didn't really know if she'd want to hang out with me if she knew I hadn't technically graduated high school yet.

I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly as I ran. I decided to try and let go of my worries for the night. It wasn't like worrying would change anything. I'd find out what I could do tomorrow and until then, I had to accept the fact that whatever was meant to happen, would happen. I'd do whatever I needed to do from there to work it out. It was as simple as that.

~~~LT~~~

**OPOV**

I adjusted my bag on my shoulder, feeling the weight of my books shift around as I did. My shoulder burned a bit under the strap from carrying the weight across campus. I was grateful to be only a minute or two away from Spike's at that point. Normally my bag would have been lighter, but I was so nervous and excited this morning at the thought of meeting up with Seth again that I'd brought my large, hardcover sketchbook and my case of watercolour pencils with me. The nine by twelve sketch book was leather bound and too thick to carry around, but it was precious to me. I copied all of my favourite works from my smaller nightly sketches into it. I brought it because our professor usually gave us a couple of half hour breaks during the day and I didn't want to spend the time worrying about what to do or say when I met with Seth, like I'd done most of the night before. Today I'd worked on finishing the colouring of the sketch of my tattoo and had focused well enough on it that it was now pretty much complete. It may have been heavy, but my sketchbook served its purpose as my distraction today, and I was glad that I had brought it with me. Well... glad up until I was carrying it across campus for ten minutes, that is. It was quite heavy, especially when combined with the thick text that I used for class and the study guide that I'd brought to show Seth. I probably should have taken a detour and dropped it off at my dorm room on my way to the cafe, but I didn't want to be late. I also wanted to have it with me just in case Seth was late... or in the case that he didn't show up at all. He didn't seem like the type to leave someone hanging if he made plans with them, but he also didn't have any way to contact me if he decided not to show. I figured that it was best not to get to my hopes, or nerves, up any higher than they already were and plan for the worst.

As I walked down the pathway and Spikes came into view I couldn't help but glance up towards the windows of the cafe to see if Seth was already there. My eyes immediately shifted towards the window by the booth we shared the day before and then drifted away to the other windows when I found it to be empty. The cafe wasn't very busy. There were only a few people sitting in the booths by the other windows, but Seth wasn't one of them. I checked my watch as I neared the door and noted that it was only ten after two. We agreed to meet at two fifteen, so it was possible that he hadn't arrived yet.

I opened the door and stepped inside, dipping my head down a bit like I always did and made my way towards the counter. I hesitated a bit as I approached it and stopped about two feet away from my goal when I realized that I should probably take a peek around the rest of the cafe to see if he was there. I frowned a bit at the thought of checking through the faces of everyone there to look for his, but reasoned that I didn't really have any other options. If I wanted to know whether or not he was there, I'd have to look around at everyone to check. I gave myself a little pep talk as I lifted my head.

_It's not busy in here at all today. No one besides Seth should be looking for you anyway, so avoiding eye contact will probably be easy. _

I took a deep breath through my nose and shifted my eyes up and toward the left.

_I'll just take a quick peek..._

My eyes roamed quickly over the unfamiliar faces of about a dozen patrons as I scanned the cafe from the left wall over towards the right. I let my breath out slowly as I looked, feeling relieved that there weren't too many people there and that none of them were looking at me. By the time I'd gotten about two thirds of the way through I began to relax, figuring that he wasn't there yet and that I'd probably have a few minutes to get myself – and my nerves – settled before he arrived. The attendant behind the counter spotted me and asked me for my order just as my eyes swept over the last bit of the cafe on the right near the restrooms. I didn't answer her right away, though, because that was when I spotted him.

He was standing near the hallway to the restroom doors holding a coffee, wearing a pair of worn jeans and a simple white t-shirt, holding a coffee and smiling in my direction.

_Wow. That smile again. Just... wow, _my subconscious whispered in the back of my head. I was impressed with it yesterday and again today. Any small amount of doubt I'd had about whether or not I'd had a crush on him up until that point disappeared with my girly reaction to his smile. I think I literally felt my heart flutter a bit in my chest when I saw it. I had no idea that that sort of thing actually happened in real life. It had definitely never happened to me before. I thought it was restricted to movies and books... but this definitely wasn't fiction. It felt very real.

I was just about to return his smile with one of my own, which I seemed to do automatically around Seth, when I noticed for the first time that he wasn't alone. There was a stunning girl with pale peachy skin and long auburn coloured curly hair in jeans and a blue t-shirt by his side who smiled at him and touched his arm casually at the same time that we seemed to spot each other. They were standing very close together and seemed really comfortable with their proximity. She said something to him that made him break eye contact with me briefly and chuckle at her... and made my fluttering heart sink down into my stomach.

_She's gorgeous... _I thought sadly as I tried to return Seth's smile. I wasn't sure why I felt so disappointed to see him with another girl. Of course he would have other friends...

_Or maybe even a girlfriend, _I thought sadly. He hadn't said that he was single yesterday, and I had no right to make that assumption. He was sweet and handsome and seemed really kind. It would make sense for someone like him to be attached, especially to someone as beautiful as her.

I broke eye contact with Seth and turned to look at the girl behind the counter who had asked for my order once again.

"Large Peppermint tea, bag in please," I muttered quietly while I tried to calm my nerves again. I really should have ordered something to eat as well, since I'd spent my lunch and snack break earlier with my sketchbook. But my stomach was so full of my disappointed heart at the moment that I really didn't feel like thinking about food. I dug a dollar fifty out of my wallet and left it on the counter, thanking the girl quietly as she took it and exchanged it for my tea.

"Hey," I heard Seth's voice say quietly from behind me as I picked up my tea. I took a deep breath and turned around to face him, tea in hand. I looked up, curious about having access to his eyes again today. When my blue eyes found his brown ones I smiled, and his widened a bit. The same peaceful calm I felt around him the day before was present again today. I let it settle in for a second or two before I responded to him.

"Hi," I said quietly. We stood there for a second before I remembered that he wasn't alone, and that I was probably being rude by keeping him from his friend, or girlfriend, whoever she was. I broke eye contact with him and glanced in the direction of the washroom hallway where the redheaded girl was still standing, smiling in our direction.

"Oh um," Seth said quietly but enthusiastically, "did you get everything you ordered?"

I nodded and looked down at the tea in my hand, tipping it in his direction a bit with a smile.

"Great. Come on, we were just about to grab a table back there," he said happily. "And there's someone I want you to meet, if you're up for it."

_Um no, I'm probably not up for meeting your gorgeous girlfriend, _my subconscious mumbled sadly. It was probably one of the last things I would have wanted to do that day. But when I lifted my head and peered up at him his expression was so hopeful that I found myself smiling at him lightly and nodding in agreement so that I wouldn't disappoint him. I knew it wasn't fair of me to be feeling the way that I was. I'd just met him the day before and I had a crush on him. That didn't mean that my feelings were going to be returned.

"Sure," I said softly and then followed behind him as he led the way. When we reached the back of the cafe, Seth stopped and waited for me come to a halt beside him. I was relieved that he hadn't reached out to take her hand or put an arm around her for a couple of reasons. Besides the obvious one, the other was that public displays of affection sort of made me uncomfortable because I never knew where to look when people were like that with each other.

"Olivia, this is Nessie," he said with a smile.

"Hi," I said quietly, returning the smile that she was giving me.

"Hi," the girl said brightly, "it's nice to meet you. Seth's told me so much about you."

I blinked a couple of times in surprise.

_He talked to her about me? I wonder what he said? _

I wanted to return the sentiment and say that he'd told me all about her too, but I couldn't, because he hadn't. So I just smiled and nodded and said that it was nice to meet her too. And it kind of was. She seemed really sweet and friendly, even if I was disappointed that she was there with him, I couldn't be upset with her if she was a nice person. Of course, if they _were_ dating, it would make sense for him to be with someone beautiful _and _kind. A guy like him deserved that, at the very least.

"Oh, hey Olivia," I heard a male voice say and automatically shifted my gaze to Nessie's left where it came from. I sucked in a small breath and averted my eyes just in time as Seth's friend Jacob approached where we were standing. He must have been in the restroom when I arrived.

"Hi Jacob," I said shyly and shifted my gaze back down towards my tea.

_Whew, _I said to myself, _that was close._ I almost looked him in the eye... and I wasn't ready for that yet. I might have been able to look at Seth, but Jacob was an entirely different story. It wasn't that he gave me a bad vibe or anything... but he was a really big guy, and I didn't have the same sense of ease around him that I did with Seth.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nessie nudge Jacob in the ribs and then whisper something in his ear softly. He chuckled and nodded at her before announcing that he was going to head up and order food and drinks. Seth and Nessie both gave him their requests and then started to walk toward the nearest booth as Jacob walked away.

"I hope you don't mind us joining you two for a bit," Nessie said. "We just finished giving Seth a tour of the campus. We haven't eaten lunch yet, so we decided to stop in for a bite."

"I looked into enrolling, too," Seth said as he slid into the nearest booth and Nessie slid in opposite to him.

"Really?" I asked with quiet surprise. He mentioned that he was thinking about enrolling the day before but hadn't mentioned going on a tour of campus or taking steps to make it happen. I was glad that he had though. My heart warmed a bit as I thought about the fact that he might be here to stay for a while.

He nodded and smiled as I placed my tea down on the table. I needed to free up my hand. My messenger style backpack was heavy enough that I needed two hands to lift it up and over my head.

"That's great," I said softly and then huffed a tiny bit as I hefted the bag over my head.

"I don't think Seth's going to have any trouble enrolling late," Nessie said enthusiastically. "He's got great grades. The Dean said that they'd just have to see his last high school report to confirm it before they'd process his application." I smiled at her praise. No matter what their relationship was it was clear that she was proud of him and that made me happy to see.

I glanced over at Seth and caught him watching me as I lowered my bag to the floor.

"That looks heavy," Seth commented, nodding toward the bag. I nodded and shrugged at his mildly concerned expression.

"It's not too bad," I said as I reached for my tea. I rolled the shoulder that it had been resting on, thinking that maybe I should have amended that last statement. My shoulder still burned a bit from the pressure of having the weight of the bag on my shoulder for the last fifteen minutes or so. But, there was no point in worrying about it since I'd taken the bag off. I'd just have to be careful to put the bag on my opposite shoulder for the walk home.

I paused then, feeling unsure of where I should sit. Seth and Nessie sat across from one another leaving a spot open beside each of them. Should I sit beside him... or would she not like that? Where would Seth want me to sit? I mentally cursed myself a bit for not knowing what to do. I had so little practice with this sort of thing...

I was just about to ask what to do when Jacob returned with a tray full of drinks and sandwiches. Nessie slid out of the booth and let Jacob in on her side as he set the tray down. She slid in after him when he was settled. I took a second to thank God for small miracles and problems solved, and turned toward the other side of the booth. I glanced up at Seth with a shy smile and slid in next to him, sitting near the edge of the seat.

There was a fair amount of small talk as they ate, most of which centered around classes that were starting in just a couple of weeks. I stayed quiet most of the time and listened to what was being said. Although there were a couple of times that Seth or Nessie asked me a question and included me in the conversation.

"So, you're an undeclared major, too?" Nessie asked me as she took the last bite of her sandwich and wiped her hands off on her napkin.

"Yes," I answered and took a small sip of my tea. I shifted a bit uncomfortably in my seat. We'd been sitting together for well over half an hour and I was starting to get mildly uncomfortable. I always curled my legs up under me when I sat in a booth because I was more comfortable that way. Not only was it cozy to curl up, but it was practical for someone like me too. At five feet tall my feet didn't rest comfortably on the floor like most other people's would while sitting in the booth. I could rest my toes on the floor, but that was about it. It was ok sitting like that for a while, but at this point my right foot was beginning to fall asleep from the position I was in. I gently shifted forward in the seat so that I was only sitting on it about half way and flattened my left foot down onto the floor. I crossed my right leg over my left and wiggled my foot around a bit to wake it up.

"What classes do you have?" Nessie asked after she finished chewing. "Maybe we'll have one together."

I smiled at that thought. Over the past half hour or so I'd realized that my first impression of Nessie was right. She was very friendly, kind and surprisingly easy for me to talk to. I also don't mind admitting that part of the reason I was enjoying her company was that I'd relaxed a bit about my suspicions over her and Seth being attached. I caught Nessie casting several glances in Jacob's direction when he wasn't looking as we talked over lunch. She'd caught me eyeing her once and blushed a bit before smiling and looking back down at her plate. She did it again just now, only this time he was already looking at her, smiling lightly. She smiled back and turned toward me expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"Um, well, I have first year history, visual arts, sociology and hopefully first year math," I responded quietly. I was enrolled in the math course but I would only get to take it if I passed the summer course I was currently enrolled in.

"Really? Jake and I both have first year math and history too," she said brightly. "We should study together some time. And who knows. Maybe Seth will be joining us, too."

I nodded. "I'd like that," I said with a shy smile. I was secretly really happy. In two days it seemed like I'd made two friends. That was definitely a rarity for me.

"Speaking of which," Jacob said while turning to face Nessie, "I think these two are supposed to be studying right now," he said while angling his head in our direction. "You ready to go?"

She smiled and nodded before sliding out of the booth. She turned back to reach for the tray full of empty cups and plates from their lunch but Jacob just rolled his eyes at her and grabbed it himself, shooing her away and telling her not to worry about it.

"Hey, maybe we should exchange phone numbers or something," Nessie said to me, as Jacob brought the tray to the counter. "Then we can hang out a bit over the next couple of weeks before school starts."

I smiled and nodded again. I actually really liked the idea of having a friend before classes started. I knew I wasn't likely to make friends in large groups. I was always too shy and nervous for that sort of thing.

"Ok," I said and reached down into my bag and pulled out my phone while Nessie checked her pockets for hers.

"Oh no," she said with a frown, "I think I forgot my phone at home."

Jacob shook his head as he approached where she was standing. He frowned down at her with a concerned and slightly frustrated expression on his face.

"How many times have I told you not leave the house without it, Nessie? It's not safe to wander around without one," he scolded.

Her frown deepened a bit and her expression shifted to one of chagrin combined with mild annoyance. She did seem sorry to have forgotten about it, but obviously _didn't_ appreciate the safety lecture. I thought it was sweet though. He obviously cared a lot for her if he was so concerned for her safety. He might have been a little 'parental' in his approach, but at least he cared enough to worry.

"You don't carry one all the time either, Jake. As a matter of fact, I bet you're not even carrying one right now," she said quietly but defiantly.

He huffed out frustrated sigh and eyed her with an oddly knowing expression. I sat and watched the exchange between them quietly, noticing how they bickered a bit like siblings, or a couple that had been in a relationship for a while.

"I don't need to worry about my safety as much as someone like you has to, Nessie," he said and she scowled at him in response. I ducked my head a bit, hoping that I wasn't about to witness an argument. I was just about to suggest writing the numbers down on paper when Seth piped up from behind me and saved the day.

"I've got mine with me," he said, diffusing the tension a bit and causing everyone, including me, to turn and look at him.

He smiled at me and shrugged his shoulders a bit.

"Here," he said while placing his phone on the table between us. "We can swap. I'll put Nessie's number in your phone for you and you can put yours in mine for her. She can copy it from me when I get back to their place later."

"Great idea," Nessie said brightly, obviously happy to be letting the lecture with Jacob go.

"Ok," I said hesitantly and placed my phone on the table next to his. I was secretly glad when I noticed that he didn't have a very new phone. Mine was a bit older because I couldn't afford a newer one, and I was pretty sure that I would have needed help figuring out how to put my number into something that was a lot more advanced than mine. As it was Seth's phone was very similar to my own, so I didn't have a problem. I typed in my name and number and hit save. Seth took just another couple of seconds to finish up with my phone. I looked up at him shyly as we exchanged our phones back, suddenly realizing that I had also inadvertently given _Seth_ my phone number, too. As I slipped my phone back in my bag I wondered if he would ever consider using it himself instead of just passing it along to Nessie.

_Should I tell him that he can? _

By the time I'd pondered that question Nessie and Jacob were saying their goodbyes. I said goodbye to both of them quietly and nodded at Nessie when she said she would call me sometime during the week. Within no time they were gone, and I was alone with Seth once again.

"So," he said as I reached down for my bag on the floor and lifted it up onto the seat between us, "are you ready to study?"

His expression was open and so _eager_ and I couldn't help but laugh softly under my breath at it. He actually seemed excited about studying math. I was feeling a bit excited myself, but math wasn't what made me feel that way. It was definitely more about the study partner for me.

He tilted his head with a small smile and looked at me curiously.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I shook my head and smiled down at my books as I placed them on the table.

"Nothing," I replied softly. I didn't want to let him know that I'd been laughing at his eagerness. Crushes on handsome boys aside, I was really grateful for his help and very happy to be spending the afternoon in his company. I didn't want to make him feel awkward for wanting to help me.

I opened my books to my latest assignment and turned them towards him so that he could see what I'd been working on. We were finishing up a lesson on limits, and I'd found almost the entire thing confusing. During our hour long work period in seminar today I highlighted parts where I'd been having trouble and wrote down questions beside them. Seth looked over everything quickly and smiled at me when he was done. I was relieved not to see him laugh, roll his eyes or shake his head at me like Amber did sometimes. She was exceptionally good at math and it came very easily to her. I got the feeling that she was patronizing me a bit at times when we studied together, but I'd never said anything to her because she was great at math and I definitely needed the help.

"This looks pretty good," Seth said as he shifted the book so that it was lying straight between us. He pointed to one of the problems that I had managed to work out correctly on my own and smiled. "If you can do this, then you've got the basics down."

"Thanks," I said gratefully.

He nodded and pointed to a question on the opposite page from me, closer to where he was sitting.

"We should probably start with this question about subtracting equations, since that's usually one of the first steps."

I craned my head a bit to see the question and equations he was pointing at, but found it hard to see from so far away. My large, full bag was still separating us and it was making it difficult for me to see. I considered pulling the book towards me a bit, but then figured that that wouldn't do because he would just have to pull it back to demonstrate something to me.

"It might be easier if this was on the floor," Seth said, pointing to my bag. I smiled and nodded in agreement, while reaching out for it with my right hand. I'd just closed my hand around the small handle at the top when Seth's large, warm one covered mine.

My breath hitched a bit as I felt a light and steady pulse of warmth radiate through my skin wherever his met mine. I was momentarily stunned by it. I'd felt the same thing on a smaller scale yesterday when I touched and briefly hugged him. It was mostly the warmth, but there was also a strange and light current of sorts present. Today it seemed more defined and pronounced. The current had grown into a soft and gentle, but continuous pulsation. It was exhilaratingly different from anything I'd ever felt, but it was also kind of... soothing. My heart seemed to skip a beat and melt simultaneously.

"It's heavy," he said softly. "May I?" I tore my eyes away from our hands and glanced up at his face. His expression had gone serious, but his deep brown eyes remained soft and open. His expression was also curious and maybe even somewhat apprehensive as he waited for my response. I felt a bit of heat rise in my cheeks as I continued to look at him and heard the voice in the back of my head do nothing less than swoon at his very gentlemanly gesture.

_He is so kind. _

I nodded and slowly shifted my hand out from underneath his so he could grip the handle. I gently let out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding once our skin was no longer touching. The warmth and pulsing current went away immediately and... I... I missed it. I felt a little deflated and disappointed with its absence.

_Is this what it's supposed to feel like when you're attracted to someone? _I wondered idly. _It's... intense, but I like it._

Seth cleared his throat lightly and focused his attention back on my books as soon as my bag was on the floor. I closed my eyes tightly for a second and took a deep breath to refocus as well. I was never going to get any studying done if I was this distracted. I shifted on the bench, sliding another half a foot or so towards Seth to look at the question he was pointing to and had begun talking about. As I shifted I curled my legs up on the opposite side of the seat from where Seth was. I sighed as I settled into position, finally feeling comfortable and ready to get to work.

Seth glanced over at me and smiled at my happy sigh.

"Better?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was referring to whether or not I could see, or if he noticed that I was suddenly a lot more comfortable, but either way the answer was the same.

"Yes," I said decidedly. I took another deep breath and looked back at the question on the page. "So, um, can you tell me where to start with these ones?"

He smiled and launched into a simple and easy explanation about the hierarchy of operations in math, especially calculus. Apparently all you had to do was memorize what order to do things in and by following that order every time you could almost guarantee getting the right answer. I listened carefully as he explained this and a couple of other things and even did a few practice questions with him as a guide over the next hour. He was always encouraging, and never once spoke down to me or got frustrated when I didn't understand something. He'd just find a different way to explain or demonstrate the strategy I needed to use and then helped me try again. It was honestly the best tutoring lesson I'd ever had.

After we'd gotten through the lesson and I assured Seth that I understood, I excused myself to use the ladies room. I quickly used the facilities and then approached the small vanity to wash my hands. As I did I looked up at my face and ended up surprising myself. My eyes were a bit bright and my expression seemed to be settled into a perpetual soft smile. Even more surprising was the fact that I'd pushed my hair behind my ear on my right side so that I wouldn't have to keep moving it out of the way to speak to Seth, and I hadn't remembered to move it back on my way to the ladies room. I usually used my hair as my first line of defence in public places. It served as a good curtain between me and the rest of the world. But I hadn't felt the need to use it at all this afternoon. I felt surprisingly safe and comfortable in Seth's presence. It was almost strange for me to be doing things that were so... normal.

I shook my head at myself and dried my hands, deciding to leave my hair the way that it was and left the restroom. As I headed up the short hallway I heard Seth speaking to someone.

"Um, I don't know. I'm not sure what I'll be doing yet... but I might go."

I rounded the corner and glanced at our table to see if maybe Jacob or Nessie had returned. To my surprise and disappointment, they hadn't. However, I recognized the person sitting across from him immediately.

_Oh no, _I thought dejectedly, _what's Amber doing here? _It wasn't that I was disappointed to see my friend, but she was tall, blonde, beautiful and knew how to flaunt it. She was constantly picking up new guys, or letting them pick her up. And there she was with Seth, and it sounded like he was debating going somewhere with her.

_I hope he decides against it, _I thought, and then immediately felt guilty for thinking that way. Amber was nice, but very superficial and usually picked her dates based on their looks alone. She didn't seem to invest enough time into getting to know them and almost never went out with the same guy twice. In the few weeks that I'd known her she had gone out with four different guys. I didn't think that Seth would be up for that sort of thing... but maybe I was wrong.

Seth spotted my standing in the doorway and smiled. I smiled back, although it was not as bright as it had been before when we were working together, even though I tried my best to be positive.

"Hey," he said as I settled in again in the booth beside him.

"Hey," I said back and then turned towards Amber. She smirked at me and raised her eyebrows before glancing at Seth suggestively.

"Olivia. What are you doing here?" she said smugly in greeting. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was hinting at. Subtlety was not Amber's forte. She wanted to know if I was there with him on a date or if he was available. Seth looked down at his watch while she was eyeing him and was none the wiser.

"Seth was just helping me study for math," I said quietly, not confirming or denying whether or not he was available for her. If she wanted to know she should ask him directly. I hadn't asked him myself, so I really didn't know the answer. I suspected that he was single, but I didn't want to make assumptions in front of him just in case I was wrong.

"Well," she said disappointedly while sliding out of the booth, "I was just here to pick up a coffee but got distracted," she said with a smirk as she eyed Seth behind me. I didn't turn around to see his reaction, partly because I was a bit afraid that he might have liked that she was obviously attracted to him, and partly because I didn't want him to see my disappointment if he did.

Seth didn't have a chance to answer her before she continued to flirt shamelessly with him. She leaned down over the table, giving both of us a clear view of her ample chest that she was barely covering with her low cut shirt and ripped a small piece of paper out of my notebook. She used my pencil to write her name and number on the paper and pushed it in Seth's direction.

"Let me know what you decide," she said to him with a smile and then turned towards me.

"I'm working the late shift on Wednesday, but my mom asked me if I would go to the movies with her. Would you be able to switch with me? I can work tomorrow night for you instead."

She looked at me expectantly and I took a minute to swallow my pride over the fact that she basically tried to pick up the guy I was with, even if I didn't give her a reason to think that he was taken. It hurt that she seemed to automatically assume that I wouldn't mind. I realized that I didn't know her all that well. She knew that I was shy, but I didn't think she knew about my lack of dating experience or any of my other problems with men. She must have just assumed that he was somehow out of my league... and even though she may have been right, it bothered me – a lot. It made me feel sort of small and insignificant. After all of the progress I'd made today talking and working with Seth, Amber made me realize that to the outside world I was probably still pretty insignificant, too shy or unnoticeable. I was trying to work it all out, but apparently I still had a long way to go.

"That's fine," I said quietly and turned back toward my books. I began gathering them up and packing them up and getting them ready to pack in my bag. I didn't really want to leave, but I was pretty upset by her behaviour and didn't think that I could focus on studying anymore.

"Thanks," she said brightly and turned on her heels, swaying her hips in her short jean skirt a bit as she walked away.

"Are you ready to go?" Seth asked quietly. I turned toward him and nodded at his slightly confused expression. We'd planned to go over one more thing before we called it a day, but after that encounter with Amber I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I felt like squirming in my seat.

"Are you feeling ok?" he asked as I silently packed my things in my bag.

_No, _I thought to myself, but nodded anyway because I knew that he wanted to know if I was feeling physically sick, which I wasn't. I was just really disheartened and upset.

"Ok," he said simply and picked up my text book before helping me pack my bags.

I breathed a small sigh of relief at Seth's easy acceptance. He seemed to be really good at letting things go. I was grateful for it. Most other people would probably have bothered me until I said something.

"Here," he said as I brought the strap of my bag up to sling it over my head and place it on my shoulder, "let me take that." He gently took the strap from my hands and shook his head when I opened my mouth to protest.

"I'm walking again today. I'll walk you home from here and then head back to Jake and Nessie's," he said while slinging the strap over his head and onto his shoulder, "if that's ok with you."

Once again he looked genuinely eager to help. I nodded in agreement and slid out of the booth. He got up after me and slid out of the booth. I turned around just in time to see him stuff Amber's phone number in his pocket. I tried to focus on my feelings of gratefulness over the fact that my bag was black and pretty much gender neutral, so that Seth wasn't stuck carrying around something girly. I tried. I really did. But... he took her number. And I really wish he hadn't. I didn't blame him for it, she was very pretty... I just didn't think he was the type to fall prey to someone like Amber.

I hung my head a bit again as we walked out of the cafe and made my way over to the sidewalk with Seth beside me. After we walked in silence for a minute Seth asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks.

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

I turned to face him and found myself blinking up at his face in surprise. My subconscious was tripping over herself a bit trying to figure out where he was coming from.

_He wants to see me tomorrow? But... he... I don't have any more studying to do and... he – he just took _Amber's_ number. _

"Um..." was all I could think to say. What did he mean? I was so confused.

He looked at the ground between us and smiled a half smile, literally drawing up one side of his face into a small smirk.

"Sorry," he said quietly, "I didn't mean to just blurt that out like that. You just seemed a bit upset and I wanted to ask you before we got back to your dorm." He chuckled a bit, seemingly at himself, and shoved his hands into his jean pockets. His brown eyes turned up to look at mine and I think my heart stopped while looking at his expression.

He was looking down at me with those deep brown eyes of his and they were _full _of emotion. They seemed to be flashing around from one feeling to another so quickly that I had trouble deciphering what they were.

"I don't really have any more studying to do," I mumbled in response, unsure of what else to say.

I went from feeling confused to mildly concerned when his expression fell into a frown. I didn't like seeing it there. Anyone could tell within minutes of meeting him that Seth was a guy who rarely frowned.

_Oh no. What did I do? _I felt awful for making him upset, but I had no idea what I'd done wrong or how to fix it.

I didn't have a chance to do anything about it because he chose that moment to nod and start walking again. We walked in silence for the next few minutes all the way back to my dorm building. I wracked my brain the entire time, trying to come up with something to say that would make things better. But as far as I could see things he was disappointed at the fact that we couldn't study again. I would have loved to, but I wasn't lying to him. I had nothing else to go over for math and my next class wasn't until Wednesday.

The air between us while we walked home was tense for the very first time since I'd met him. I still wasn't uncomfortable around him – it didn't seem to be something I would have an issue with where he was concerned, and I thanked God for that. But we had left things sort of up in the air and I didn't know how to make it right. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to see him again and didn't want him to be upset with me. So, when we stopped at my building, I turned to face him and said the only thing I could think to say.

"I'm sorry, Seth," I whispered quietly.

"What?" he answered quickly as his head shot up. His eyes immediately sought out mine and this time I could register surprise in them clearly. "Why?"

I took a deep breath and let it out while shaking my head a bit in frustration. The 'why' was exactly what I was stuck on myself.

"I'm not sure exactly," I answered truthfully and watched the confusion return to his expression. "I'm just sorry to disappoint you, I guess. I really don't have any other studying to do," I explained so that hopefully he would understand that I was being sincere. "You really helped me today but... I..." I trailed off there and thought about what else I could say. Only one thing came to mind.

"Thank you."

He blinked twice, obviously still surprised and then shook his head as if to clear it. The confusion was gone from his eyes when they met mine again. Instead understanding lit up his eyes and, thankfully, the small smile returned to his face.

"You didn't disappoint me," he murmured and took a small step closer to where I was standing. I stood where I was and watched his expression, looking for clues to clarify what he meant because the shoe was officially on the other foot and I was confused.

"I didn't?"

He shook his head. "No, not at all," he said looking straight into my eyes, showing me that he meant what he said. "I thought I disappointed you."

I frowned because he wasn't making any sense and I had no clue what he thought he did to disappoint me. He spent all afternoon being the best tutor I'd ever had.

"Oh, no," I whispered to let him know that I wasn't disappointed at all. "You were a wonderful tutor."

His smile brightened at my praise and I felt myself giving him one in return. I couldn't help it – not that I wanted to. It seemed an automatic thing to me.

"We're friends, right?" he asked quietly.

I smiled at the term, loving the fact that he thought about me as a friend, and nodded.

_Yes, Seth. I'd love to be your friend... and someday... maybe even more._

"I don't want to study tomorrow," he whispered slowly. "I want to hang out with you."

His right hand slowly reached out and grasped my left. His fingers were just barely holding on to mine, but the pulsing and soothing waves of warmth were back. I found myself involuntarily squeezing my small fingers around his large ones ever so lightly. It was like I had to check to make sure that he was real. I almost couldn't believe that someone so sweet and kind was standing in front of me, holding my hand and wanting to 'hang out' with me.

"I like you."

_Oh. My. Lord. He likes me? As in, _likes_ me, likes me? What? How? I..._

"You do?" I whispered without thinking.

He smiled widely and his brown eyes danced while looking down into mine.

"Yeah," he paused, "I do."

I shook my head and found myself staring at him speechlessly, sort of dumbfounded. He made it sound so simple. He liked me. And that was that.

"I like you, too," I found myself whispering truthfully. My voice was so small that I was sure he wouldn't be able to hear me, but his answering smile told me that he definitely had, although I had no idea how.

His eyes lit up with enthusiasm and warmth and his smile broadened to the point that I found myself blushing at his obviously positive reaction.

"So... will you hang out with me tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

_This can't be happening. I think I need someone to pinch me._

"Um," I muttered while my brain tried to cope with the surprise, disbelief and hope in my quickly beating heart. "Yes, I'd love to."

"Yeah?" he breathed, as his eyes danced back and forth between mine.

"Yeah," I echoed.

"Ok," Seth said and then picked my bag up off my shoulder with his free hand. I was momentarily distracted by the fact that he seemed to lift it off his shoulders with almost no effort at all. It was almost like the heavy bag was empty. He gently placed the bag on my shoulder and then put his hand in his pocket. The other was still holding mine. I couldn't seem to let it go.

"Can I call you later to set something up?" he asked.

I nodded. "Sure."

"Ok," he said quietly, "so it's a date."

_Wow. I... is this real? _I asked myself. _Did I really just get asked out on a date to hang out with this amazing guy? _Me_? _I_ did?_

"Yeah?" I breathed in an almost perfect duplication of what he'd said just moments before.

He chuckled under his breath and nodded at me before delivering the perfect response.

"Yeah."

He squeezed my hand gently and then released, letting our fingers slowly slide apart. I felt disappointment again when our hands slid apart and idly wondered if maybe we'd get to do that again... tomorrow... on our date.

_Our date. I have a _date _with Seth Clearwater. Oh my Lord. _

I smiled and ducked my head a bit, trying to conceal the shock on my face at the thought that he actually asked me out on a date, and I actually agreed. We stood there for a moment, standing just a foot apart, not talking, just thinking, I guess.

"I should probably get going," Seth said after a minute, "Nessie and Jake are expecting me for supper soon."

I nodded quickly, not wanting to keep him from dinner for a second night in a row and looked up to smile at him as I started to back away towards the building.

"I'll call you later," he said as he backed away.

"Ok," I replied shyly, and then watched as he turned around and began making his way back home.

When I finally realized I'd been staring at his retreating figure for far too long I turned around and let myself into the building. I quickly made my way up the two flights of stairs to my floor, walked down the hall and let myself into my small dorm room in a daze.

_Wow, _I thought as I gently dropped my bag to the floor and leaned on the door behind me.

_Seth... _likes _me._

_And he's going to call me later._

_And tomorrow... we are going on a date – to hang out._

_Oh my Lord. _My stomach and heart fluttered at the same time. Excitement and nervousness rolled around in my mind and belly, while my heart was nothing but happy. I liked him – a lot. And he actually liked me too. It was almost too good to be true. I was just about to set up shop on cloud nine and spend a few minutes revelling in the fact that this was actually going to happen, when my subconscious decided to show up and rain big drops of uncertainty on my happy parade.

_This is a date. A _real _date. _

_I don't know how to date. _

_What do I do now?_

* * *

**So, Seth and Olivia are starting to connect a bit. Next chapter – the official first date! Any guesses about where Seth and Olivia will go or what they will do? I'd love to hear them...**

**Did you like our little glimpse at pre-romance Jake and Nessie here? Jake's a bit of a mother hen...**

**Just an reminder for those who are interested: Jake from Wicked Games has been nominated for a Sunflower Award for Best Jacob! If you'd like to vote for him please go here (and remove the spaces in the address) to do so: http : / / thesunflowerawards . blogspot . com / p / voting . html**

**Thanks,**

**~H**


	6. Shake Me Down

Hello all. Ok. I know. I KNOW. I officially suck with the posting schedule on this one. Thanks to all of you for understanding and sticking with me. It's just been one thing, after another, after another, after... you get it. I don't know why, but this chapter was seriously hard for me to write. Anyway, here it is. It's a bit slow, but Olivia's giving a little piece of her puzzle away here, so I hope you can appreciate it.

**Many thanks, as always, to shepeppy for betaing. **

**See you at the bottom **

**~ H**

* * *

Shake me down,  
Not a lot of people left around,  
Who knows now,  
Softly laying on the ground, ooooh  
Not a lot people left around, ooooh. ooooh

In my life, I have seen,  
People walk into the sea,  
Just to find memories,  
Plagued by constant misery,  
Their eyes cast down,  
Fixed upon the ground,  
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun

Not a lot of people left around, ooooh, ooooh

_Shake Me Down ~ Cage the Elephant_

**SPOV**

"So the apartment's going to be ready tomorrow?" Jake asked as I ran a comb through my wet hair. I was standing in front of the mirror in their bathroom in just my jeans getting ready for my date with Olivia. I was a bit early getting ready, but at that point I really didn't care. The past eighteen hours of waiting were really getting to me. I was trying to be patient, but I just really, really wanted to see her again.

"Yeah. Mrs. Nelson said that her husband just wanted to check and make sure that everything was in good working order, otherwise I could have had it today."

Jake smiled a bit and leaned against the doorway before taking an enormous bite of the sandwich in his hand. He chewed thoughtfully for a few seconds and then swallowed.

"That's pretty good luck. Seems like it was meant to be, huh?"

I rolled my eyes in mock annoyance but couldn't keep from letting a small smile creep up onto my face while Jake chuckled and raised his eyebrows at me a few times. He might have been playing up the cliché, but I couldn't deny the fact that he was right. I had just had an incredibly good day. I'd gone out apartment hunting without hoping for much. Most of the apartments in the area had already been rented to students for the year. Jake and Nessie lived about fifteen minutes from the campus and Olivia lived in a campus dorm, so I definitely didn't want to be stuck living too far out.

As luck would have it, Jake and Nessie's closest neighbours had just put out an ad for a basement apartment rental in the paper the day before. I called them first thing in the morning and didn't get an answer. So I left a message and asked them to call me about the apartment when they could. I decided to head out hunting anyway and came up empty handed after looking at several places that just didn't work.

Other than distance, the other problem I was having with finding a place had to do with roommates. Most of the places listed were houses with rooms for students that shared common living areas. That wouldn't work for me. It was hard enough to hide my wolf status from people. Living with strangers would only complicate things. I didn't want to have to come up with a million excuses about things.

I got back to Jake and Nessie's around noon without making any progress and I was feeling a bit worried about what to do next. I couldn't bunk with Jake and Nessie much longer. Their house was only seven hundred square feet and had two bedrooms – one for each of them. I was currently crashing on their couch, but there was no denying it was cramped.

Luckily, though, Mr. Nelson called and left a message while I was out. He invited me to come have a look and I decided to head out right away. Jake came with me to check it out since the little house was just down the street. The couple renting it was elderly, somewhere in their sixties it looked like, and were hoping to make a little extra money so that they could travel in their retirement. The house was older and small, but clean and well kept. The apartment was only a few hundred square feet, with a tiny kitchen, a closet of a bathroom and then one larger room that doubled as a living space and a bedroom, but it was all I needed. It had its own separate entrance and Mr. & Mrs Nelson said they didn't intend to keep track of my comings and goings, although they did want a promise that I wouldn't be having any loud guests or parties in their basement. I had no problems with that, seeing as the only guest I knew I'd ever really want to bring around in the somewhat distant future was very quiet and didn't seem like she'd be into loud parties. I signed the lease on the spot and Mr. Nelson told me I could move in the next day after he'd checked the appliances, plumbing and electrical one more time to make sure everything was worked the way it should before I got there.

I smiled, thinking about my lucky break. The apartment was affordable, cozy looking and five minutes closer to the campus than Jake and Nessie's was, which meant that I was only a ten minute walk from Olivia's dorm and a five minute walk from where she worked. Between that and the call I'd gotten from the Dean of Admissions at UAS informing me that I could take my GED the following week and enrol for the beginning of the semester if I passed, everything really did seem like it was falling into place.

I glanced over at Jake who was still eyeing me knowingly in the mirror and snorted while I nodded.

It definitely seemed like everything that was happening was meant to be.

"You sure you don't want a sandwich? Ness made a couple for you, too," he said as he shoved the last bite of his in his mouth.

"Nah," I said, shaking my head as I set down my comb, "Olivia said she was going to pack something to eat."

"Where are you guys planning to hike?"

I picked up my favourite band t shirt and slipped it on over my head.

"There's a new trail just off campus. It's only a couple of miles long and ends up on the shores of Auke Lake. I think we're going to hike up there and have a picnic." I took a deep breath and let it out as I gave myself a quick once over in the mirror. I was wearing my favourite pair of worn and faded jeans, a band t-shirt and would probably end up wearing a pair of sneakers to top it all off.

I shook my head and swallowed nervously as I reconsidered our plans for what was probably the millionth time since we'd made them. I was taking the girl of my dreams out for our first date... and I was dressed the same way as I would have been if I was hanging out with guys at home on the res. I couldn't help but think that we should be doing something more than we were – something better, or more significant. I mean, this was probably going to be the most important date with the most important person in my life - ever.

_We should be doing something spectacular, right?_ Not just a hike and a picnic.

I took a deep breath as I hastily tossed some gel in my hair and tried to calm my nerves a bit. I reminded myself that Olivia was the one that suggested we do something casual and as long as she was happy with how things went, I'd be the happiest man on earth. When I called her she seemed even more shy and hesitant on the phone than she had in person. So when I asked her what she felt like doing and she responded timidly with, "something casual I guess," I agreed right away. Whatever she wanted is what we'd do. I'd thought about it for a minute and then remembered an advertisement for the new trail that was posted around campus. I suggested hiking and she said it sounded like a great idea. She even offered to bring something to eat. I told her I'd meet her at her dorm at around three thirty, which was now only about a half an hour away, but I was really starting to second guess our plans.

_It's what she wanted. If she said she'd like it, then she will, _I told myself as I smiled somewhat tightly at Jake. He nodded and slid out of the doorway so I could get through. I headed down the hall to the tiny front foyer to grab my shoes, grateful for the bit of extra time I had before I had to meet her. I figured I could take my time walking there. I was kind of hoping that the fresh air would help me clear my head a bit.

"Are you leaving?" Nessie called as she poked her head around the doorway leading to the living room. She and Jake were getting ready to have a sci-fi movie marathon. Nessie'd made enough sandwiches and snacks to keep them fed for the next eight hours or so and was busy getting them all set out in the living room. Jake emerged from his room and walked down the hall carrying a handful of DVD's, obviously getting ready to join her.

"Yep," I said as I slipped on my shoes. I did a mental checklist of things I knew I should be bringing with me.

Wallet – check.

Keys – check.

And...

Was that it? I gave myself a quick once-over, once again taking in my casual dress a bit apprehensively and groaned quietly.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath while I mentally kicked myself for making such a rookie mistake.

"What's wrong?" Nessie asked, eyeing me curiously. "You look great, Seth. What are you worried about?"

"Thanks," I muttered with a small smile. I shuffled my feet a bit and shoved my empty hands into my pockets, before sheepishly admitting what I was concerned about. "I don't know if anything's _wrong_, really, but... should I be bringing her something? Like flowers maybe?"

The only girl I'd ever gotten flowers for before was Kelly and even then it hadn't been on the first date. But this was different. This was so much more significant than my first date with Kelly. This was more significant than _any_ date I'd had with Kelly, or anyone else for that matter. I just felt like I should be doing something _more_ for Olivia...

Nessie's soft giggle and unusually shy smile broke me out of my thoughts.

"Um, well, you know I'm not an expert on dating, Seth, but if I was Olivia and I'd asked for something casual on a first date, then I think I'd be happy to just... hang out with the guy and keep things simple," she shrugged and blushed a bit as she glanced over her shoulder at Jake while he set up the movies.

I nodded and smiled widely, knowing that she was probably thinking about how she and Jake were going to be spending the afternoon, just as much as she was referring to me.

"I'll keep that in mind," I said, and filed that little piece of information away for someday in the future, just in case Jake ever needed the advice.

I felt a lot more confident about our plans after hearing that. She was right. Olivia asked for simple and that was what we were doing. I didn't want to make any of this about pretences or appearances. I just wanted it to be about her – us. So after taking one more deep breath, I called out my goodbyes and headed out the door to meet the girl of my dreams for our first official date.

The walk to her dorm was peaceful and calming. The late afternoon air was relatively warm, even though the sky was grey. With every step I took toward where she was I got more and more excited. Near the end I had to remind myself not to jog or run. I tried to set my pace at a leisurely walk, but the closer I got to her, the faster my feet seemed to want to carry me. I ended up reaching her dorm building with about five minutes to spare. I stood outside the main door to her building, listening carefully until I caught the steady, slightly quickened strumming of her heartbeat.

I took a deep breath and relaxed. Nothing was right with my world when I couldn't hear that sound, and everything was right with it when I could. I heard her shuffling around getting ready. As I listened to her light noises it dawned on me that she was gentle with pretty much everything she did. I could tell by the pace of her footsteps that she was moving relatively quickly, but where most people would be shutting cupboards and drawers loudly because they were in a hurry, she seemed to handle everything with care.

_This girl is incredibly sweet and gentle_, I thought to myself. I couldn't help but wonder what I'd done right for the universe to send someone like her my way. Was I really worthy of taking care of someone like her?

I wasn't sure, but I wasn't about to question it any more than that.

I was just about to text her to let her know that I was waiting outside when I heard her door open and then softly click shut. I leaned against the brown brick wall to my right with my hands in my pockets, trying for all the world not to stare at her approach like the eager little puppy that I was as she made her way down three flights of stairs to meet me.

I glanced up just as she hit the bottom landing and felt my eyes light up as my face split open into a wide smile.

_Uhhh, wow_, was all my brain managed to come up with as I stared at her and tossed every apprehension I had about a 'casual' date right out of my mind. _Casual is good. Casual is really, really good._

She was just so... _gorgeous_. Her long dark hair was down, falling softly around her shoulders. She wore a fitted, plain white, long sleeved t-shirt and black skinny jeans. You would think that jeans and a t shirt would be nothing special but with the way the fabric clung to her curves, _holy hell_, I could barely take my eyes off of her long enough to blink. I cleared my throat and shifted my gaze to her feet in an effort to be polite when I realized that I was staring at her, open mouthed, like a fucking Neanderthal. And then smiled as my eyes settled on what was possibly the smallest and most fucking adorable pair of black and white chucks that I'd ever seen.

_God her feet are tiny. _I made a mental note to try and find out her shoe size at some point during the date if I could. It made sense that she would have small feet, given that the rest of her was pretty damn small too, but seeing them in those shoes was just... too fucking cute.

She slowly opened the door and smiled shyly in my direction. She was carrying her messenger bag again, with a thicker looking blanket draped over the top of it. It didn't look as heavy as the last time I'd seen it, but it was pretty bulky.

"Hi," I said as the door closed and she stood in front of me. Her eyelashes fluttered lightly as they slowly lifted. Her brows pulled together just a tiny bit, just like they did the first time she'd looked at me – and I realized that her face wore the exact same expression as it did in the very moment she'd changed my entire world for the better by coming into it. It was obvious to me right away that she was feeling hesitant and shy. As her bright blue eyes met mine I felt my own smile soften.

"Hi, Seth," she said so softly that someone with regular hearing might not even be able to hear. Her voice was rich and light, as usual, but it seemed to float out of her like nothing more than air, just like it had the day before when she made my heart soar by admitting to liking me too. I took in her general stillness and overall unobtrusive posture and realized that I also recognized what those things meant when she was doing them. I'd seen them before too...

_She's nervous, _I thought incredulously. I could hardly believe it. If she only knew how little she had to be nervous about when it came to me...

I reached out slowly to take the bulky bag from around her shoulders, questioning her silently with my eyes as I did.

"Oh," she said and smiled as she lifted it over her head for me, which I was pretty damned grateful for because the strap was laying across her chest. It would have made it difficult for me to lift off of her while trying to avoid... things. Yeah. An accidental grope was definitely _not_ the way I wanted to start off this date.

After I had the bag slung over my own chest I turned to her and held out my hand, eager to have her tiny, soft palm cradled in mine. I knew it was a little forward, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I loved the way our fingers felt when they were lightly wound together the day before. Her slender, soft ones felt so perfect between my large, warm ones. Not to mention that the electricity was there, lightly pulsing between us and drumming through my veins. Call me selfish or eager, or whatever else you want to call me... but I wanted to feel that again.

It _was_ a date after all. It was ok to hold her hand, right?

"Ready?" I asked as she glanced down at our hands. She blinked a few times before slowly lifting her hand to join mine. As soon as her soft skin met mine – I melted. Like literally felt my insides turn to mush. It was weird, because I felt the electric pulse at the same time. It just felt like it was vibrating easily over my skin, through my muscles and in my bones, like tiny rippling waves. And the rest of me felt like Jell-o.

We headed out across the parking lot silently, hand in hand, walking slowly. I found myself glancing over at her a few times, taking in the way her posture seemed to relax a bit with every step we took. The silence between us wasn't awkward, it was comfortable, and apparently so was she.

"So, this is it," I said as we approached the mouth of the trail. The green sign marking the Auke Lake Trail was only about a two minute walk from the parking lot.

"I had no idea it was so close," Olivia said while glancing around a bit at our surroundings. "I usually leave in the opposite direction." The Auke Bay store where she worked was on the opposite side of campus from where we were at the moment. She wouldn't have seen it if the only place she'd gone off campus was work.

I started to walk forward and slowly into the mouth of the trail and Olivia followed. I kept my paces slow and short so she wouldn't have to worry about keeping up this time. It seemed to be working. She wasn't paying any attention to her strides at all. In fact, she was doing just the opposite. For the first time since I'd met her, her head was tilted upwards, slowly pivoting around as she took in our surroundings. Her hair shifted back off of her face so I could see her profile perfectly. And what I saw made me smile. She had smooth creamy skin, a strong but soft jaw, high cheekbones, a perfectly sculpted button nose, long full black lashes, those big bright blue eyes and full pink lips that were curved upwards in a small smile of her own.

"Do you like the outdoors?" I asked quietly. She seemed so peaceful out here. She was calmer and much more relaxed that I'd ever seen her.

"Hmmm," she hummed with a small nod as we continued walking slowly up the easy trail. "I used to hike a lot with my dad when I was little." She frowned just slightly at the end of her statement which made me curious. It sounded like she was talking about good memories, but the frown seemed misplaced.

"You don't hike with him anymore?" I asked.

Her eyebrows pinched together a bit again as she considered her answer.

_Apprehension or nerves_? I wondered.

"No," she said with a small, sad sigh. "My dad and I... don't do much together anymore."

My chest tightened a bit when I heard a tiny bit of longing creep up into her voice. I knew that tone well. I used it a lot when I talked about things I used to do with my own dad. Things I wished I had the opportunity to do again, but couldn't since he'd passed away.

I immediately wondered why she and her dad didn't spend much time together anymore. She told me that her dad worked a lot, so maybe that was the reason. Somehow though, between the tone of her voice and the resigned expression on her face, I doubted that was the case. I would have asked her, but at that moment she shook her head a bit as if to clear it and surprised me by quietly asking a question of her own.

"Do you have buttercups in Washington?"

_Buttercups?_

"Um," I said a bit sheepishly. I ran my free hand across the back of my neck as I racked my brain a bit, thinking about her question. It turns out that it was a waste of time. I was clueless. "Those are flowers, right?"

She giggled a bit, which made me smile, and then nodded with a small shrug.

"Sorry. I just sort of assume everyone knows what they are. They're everywhere around here. They're wildflowers. They're supposed to represent humility. I used to pick them for my mom a lot when I was younger." She knelt down and picked a small yellow flower at the base of the trees next to the path with her free hand. She stood and held it up to her nose briefly. Her eyes fluttered closed as she took a small sniff of it and then held it out to me.

I smirked and shook my head as she smiled. _Great, now _she's_ the one giving _me _flowers on our first date._

I took the small yellow flower from her hand and examined it a bit. It was about the size of a quarter, maybe, with five or six flat, yellow petals.

"No, I don't think I've ever seen these back on the res. The only wild yellow flowers we have around there are dandelions, I think."

She nodded and reached out to take the flower from me, but I held it back a bit just out of her reach. Her hand froze in mid air as her eyes flickered up to mine in question. I smiled softly while slowly reaching forward, keeping my eyes on her bright blue curious ones. Her heart rate picked up just the tiniest bit as my hand approached her face, but she didn't tell me to stop or move away, so I continued past her cheek until I reached my destination and gently tucked her soft hair and the thin stem of the flower behind her ear.

She gasped softly under her breath and her eyes widened slightly when my fingertips grazed her cheek lightly as I lowered my hand. She blinked a few times quickly and glanced down toward the ground between us for a moment before looking back up at me. I pursed my lips a bit to contain the chuckle that was threatening to break free at seeing the expression on her face. She almost looked shocked. Happy - but shocked.

"Thank you," she murmured.

I smiled and shrugged lightly at her very surprised and grateful expression. It was hardly a gift worth the response it got.

_A humble flower for a humble girl_, I thought.

"My pleasure." I replied softly and then I was suddenly very grateful for the darker colouring of my skin because I think I blushed a bit before I made my next comment. There was no way I wasn't saying it, though. She needed to know.

"It looks good on you. Very pretty." And it did. She looked sweet. Well, sweeter than usual, that is.

A soft pink flush crept up into the apple of her cheeks as she blushed a bit in return and looked down again. After a moment or two with no response I decided to keep walking. She didn't seem comfortable accepting the compliment and I didn't want her to feel like she had to think of something to say in return. I just wanted her to accept it and hopefully know that I meant what I said and that I was speaking about _more_ than just the flower.

"Do you know a lot about flowers?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Um, yeah. I know a bit. My dad used to let me help with orders for weddings and funerals."

"Is he a florist?" She told me that her dad worked a lot and that her mom spent most of her time helping him, but she'd never actually mentioned what her dad did for a living.

"Oh," she said. Surprise coloured her tone. "No. He's not. He's a preacher actually; the head preacher for St. Brendan's Church and the entire Alaskan diocese. I used to help with flower arrangements a lot. My mom said I had a knack for it." She rolled her eyes a bit and shrugged as if the compliment her mother had given her meant nothing.

I was still reeling a bit over her revelation about her dad. She was a preacher's daughter. Not just any preacher's daughter but an _important_ preacher's daughter. That one little piece of information was so important. It made so many things that I'd noticed about her make sense. Her naturally shy and quiet nature must have been praised by her parents when she was younger. Maybe it was even encouraged. In the conversations we'd had I'd never once heard her curse or speak badly about anyone. So she obviously took her upbringing to heart. It made sense. And it also made me a bit nervous. Wouldn't a preacher want his daughter to be with someone believed in the same things as he did? Would she want that? I believed in God, but I didn't follow any organized religion. We had our own tribal beliefs that were passed down from generation to generation, kind of like our own bible, but from what I understood about organized religions there were major differences between what we believed.

"Wow," was all I managed to say in response. That was a lot to think about. "A preacher," I muttered quietly. I couldn't seem to get past that one.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "So I learned a lot about flowers that way. I'm not an expert, but I know more than the average person, I guess."

I nodded and then we walked in silence after that for a bit. The air was calm and there were just a few others out on the trail. We held hands lightly the entire time. I tried to focus on the hum and drum of our connection flowing through my veins to keep me calm. I couldn't seem to stop my brain from thinking about how significant this little discovery was, though. It didn't change anything for me, but I really wondered about how her father's beliefs and her own might affect my chances of being with her from her perspective. Would she even want someone like me?

Before I knew it we'd made it to the little clearing by Auke Lake. I almost did a double take when we got there. We must have been walking in silence for quite a while. I glanced down at Olivia as we came to a stop just a few feet from the tail end of the trail and immediately felt guilty for zoning out for the last little while. She had kind of shut down a bit as a result. Her head was down again and I could tell, even from her profile, that her brows had knit together.

_Shit. Fix this, Seth._

I cleared my throat just a bit to get her attention and smiled brightly when she looked up at me.

"Should we pick a spot?" I asked.

Her brows furrowed even more as she looked at me curiously.

I used my free hand to pick up the corner of the blanket and wave it a bit in her direction. Her eyes lit up with understanding as she huffed out a tiny laugh.

I smiled and laughed back, feeling really grateful for the fact that she seemed to be coming back out of her shell a bit.

"Right," she said while shaking her head lightly. She looked around quickly before her eyes settled on something she liked.

"What about there?" she said, pointing to an empty patch of grass near the edge of the lake.

"I like the view," I said and nodded. "Good choice."

We walked over to the spot and I reluctantly let go of her hand to spread the blanket out on the ground. While I did that Olivia knelt down next to me and flipped the top flap of her messenger bag open. She reached inside and by the time I was done with the blanket she had taken out four plastic containers, a couple of bottles of water and a couple of juice boxes.

She glanced up at me shyly and pointed to the drinks.

"I didn't have any pop. I hope water or juice is ok."

"Yeah, that's great actually. Can I help you set anything out?"

Her mouth twisted off to the side slightly as she peered into the bag again. Then she nodded and pulled out some napkins and bottle of ranch dressing. As I took the napkins and dressing I realized that the bottle was cold. I smiled at that little detail. I figured that she must have put an ice pack in the bag to keep it cold. It made me feel ten different shades of happy that she'd put enough thought into our picnic to do something like that. I reached for the drinks and sure enough, they were on the cold side too.

_Note to self: the little things matter to this girl._

She settled herself in on the blanket, sitting cross-legged a few feet away from me and placed the containers she'd pulled out between us. I picked up a bottle of water and cracked it open while she started taking the tops off of the containers. I'd only managed to take a short sip of water when I was caught off guard by the first scent of what she'd made.

"Wow, that smells great," I said, replacing the cap on the water and glancing down at the food between us.

"Thank you," she murmured with another shy smile and then pointed to the first container. "Um, these are Buffalo chicken strips. I remembered you saying the other day that you liked wings so..."

I nodded and beamed at her incredulously. I couldn't believe she remembered that. She was right. I did say that. She'd asked me what my favourite food was after she'd told me about her love of Thai food and peppermint and I'd laughed and told her I was a lot more boring because my favourite meal was just plain old pizza and wings.

I'd never had buffalo chicken strips before, but from where I could see them they looked like boneless wings, breaded and covered in wing sauce. And they smelled out of this world. I was salivating already.

"So, I um, well, I like to eat them on wraps sometimes," she said hesitantly while opening another container that held some flour tortillas. "I also brought lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese and ranch dressing... if you want to dress them up a bit. There are plates to eat off of too, if you don't like wraps." She reached into the bag one last time and pulled out a couple of paper plates and plastic utensils.

"I think I'll try it your way," I said as she gently set the plates down, one in front of each of us. "Can you show me how you like them?"

She nodded and walked me through making the wrap. By the time we were done we both had our chicken covered with all the extras. The only difference between mine and hers was that I'd put the ranch dressing directly on my wrap, while she chose to put a big pool of it on her plate for dipping instead.

Her phone chimed just as we were about to take our first bites. She put her wrap down on her plate to check her message while I took a big bite out of my wrap – and then groaned softly.

Yeah, that's right. I groaned. I couldn't help it. That shit was just too good _not_ to. The chicken was tender and the wing sauce was surprisingly sweet and spicy at the same time. Combined with the cool flavours and textures of the toppings and dressing, all wrapped up together in the tortilla like that... it was one of the best things I'd ever eaten. It was definitely going to be one of my new favourite dishes.

So, yeah, I groaned.

She startled a bit when she heard it.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. I didn't think I'd done anything as embarrassing as that on any other date I'd ever been on. Of course, it had to be my first date with _this _girl that I'd end up embarrassing myself on. "This is amazing," I explained after I swallowed my first bite. "Did you make this all yourself?"

Her face relaxed into a smile while she ducked her head a bit and nodded.

"I like to cook."

She picked up her wrap and delicately dipped it in the dressing on her plate before taking a small bite. I took another bite of my own and managed to contain my reaction to the flavour and save myself from embarrassment that time around.

"I used to volunteer for a lot of bake sales and picnics with my dad at church functions. I learned a lot about cooking from the women there," she said after swallowing her first bite.

I nodded in understanding and then decided that since she mentioned her dad again I should probably try to ask her about him to smooth things over a bit to make up for my reaction before.

"So you and your dad were pretty close when you were younger?"

She contemplated a bit while dipping her wrap in the dressing again and then nodded.

"We were."

"It must have been nice growing up in a close knit community like that," I said, thinking about my own childhood on the res and how everyone there looked out for their neighbour. "La Push is kind of small and everyone there is pretty close, you know. Everyone knows everyone and we all look out for each other."

She stiffened a bit and swallowed thickly. I was immediately concerned that I'd said something wrong. The frown was back. I'd obviously said something that upset her, but I had no idea what it was.

"That does sound nice," she said quietly, but her soft voice was strained. "But sometimes it's nice to go unnoticed, too."

_What did I say? Something's not right here. I can feel it._

I thought back to our previous conversations and remembered her mentioning that she and her family moved away from the community she'd grown up in right around the time that she got sick. After putting that piece of information together with her reaction to my comment about small, supportive communities I figured that maybe her father's church community wasn't that helpful or supportive to her when she was sick. Or maybe her father found the people in the community to be too intrusive, and that's why she thought going unnoticed was a good thing sometimes. Small town people can be kind of overbearing and nosy at times. That was something I knew firsthand. Some people just didn't know when to butt out. The idea of people knowing every little thing about what was going on in Olivia's home while she was sick might have been stressful for someone in her father's position. He was a community leader. He'd have to find a way to separate his personal life from his work somehow.

"I guess your dad might not appreciate everyone knowing everything about his private life. That has to be kind of hard in his position," I said after a minute or so.

"No," she said immediately, "he doesn't appreciate it at all." Her expression and tone were laced with carefully concealed pain.

_Ok, that was definitely not the right thing to say. I wonder why she's so upset? _

The pang of emotion I felt in my chest when she was upset earlier was back and it had intensified. I could feel my heart tug for her. It literally felt like someone had tied a string to the bottom of it and was slowly pulling on it through the centre of my chest.

_I don't like seeing her upset like this – not at all. _

I debated leaving the subject alone. She was staring down at her food, picking tiny pieces of her wrap with her slender fingers, but not eating. There was obviously some tension between her and her dad, but she didn't seem to want to talk about it. Part of me wanted to let it go, but another larger part wanted to find out what was bothering her, so that maybe I could help make her feel better about it.

"Hey," I began softly and then paused for a bit until she turned her bright blue eyes up at me. "I'm sorry if I upset you, Olivia," I said honestly.

She shook her head slowly and grimaced a bit before answering.

"No, Seth. It's ok. I'm fine. I just... things with my dad are kind of... complicated sometimes. That's all." she said quietly.

She took a small bit of her wrap and nibbled on it lightly. Despite what she said, she didn't look fine. I could tell that whatever was going on with her dad really upset her, but I didn't know how to comfort her.

I wondered for a moment or two if she would tell me. I didn't want to push her, though. So I decided to ask her if she wanted to talk, but if she didn't I'd leave it at that for the time being.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked casually while taking another bite of my wrap. I played down my tone because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I figured that she'd talk to me about it if she wanted to, but I didn't want her to feel like she had to. We'd only met a few days ago... and even though she'd become the centre of my entire world that day, to her I was still just a guy she was out on a first date with. I didn't want her to feel pressured to talk.

She sighed lightly and looked up at me from beneath her lashes. She debated for a moment or two before her expression turned from undecided to something close to resigned. She shifted a bit so that her legs were tucked underneath her side and grabbed a bottle of water. She looked back into my eyes and answered without twisting it open.

"My dad's beliefs are very important to him. My parents are role models for the church community." She paused. "My dad," her voice wobbled a bit here. She cleared her throat before she started again. "The _community,_" she corrected, as if she was trying to convince herself that it was really the case, "has a lot of expectations."

I nodded, but didn't speak. It didn't seem like she was finished. She was staring down at her plate and picking at her food again. Her face was pinched together in concentration, like she was trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say next. Whatever it was must have been important. She considered her words for almost a minute. And even though I was feeling tense and concerned about how much talking about this was obviously difficult I waited as patiently as I could to see what else she had to say.

When she was ready her entire body stilled. Her frown and the furrow between her brows deepened. Then she took a deep breath and let it out with her words.

"It's hard sometimes," she whispered, "when one of us can't live up to those expectations."

I nodded in understanding, hoping she could see me with her head tilted down the way it was, but what I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around her tiny tense frame and hold her. I wished for all the world that I could do something to take away the sadness that was in her eyes as she slowly glanced up to meet my concerned gaze. It was written all over her face, too. Whatever happened between her and her dad obviously involved someone letting everyone down.

Judging by her body language I was willing to bet my life savings that she felt that 'someone' who couldn't live up to people's expectations and let people down was her.

She didn't need to say anything else. I understood what she meant now.

_Sometimes it's nice to go unnoticed._

I sat silently for a moment. She seemed to be trying to collect herself a bit. She twisted the cap off of her water and took a sip or two from the bottle. I kind of unsure about what to say to her next. I was torn, actually. I really wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know _everything_ about her. But this was our first date, and I wanted it to be a good one. I wasn't sure if it was really the time to talk about anything that was so heavy.

The issue with her dad kind of hung over us like a cloud as we sat on the ground finishing up our lunch. I wasn't about to let it keep us down, though.

"This is really good," I said, gesturing toward the food, and changing the subject. "Mind of I have another one," I asked sheepishly. I knew it was probably bad manners to just come out and ask her like that, but I she made a lot and it was probably just as rude to let it all go to waste... right?

It did the trick, though.

She smiled again and it was like the sun breaking through the clouds. I smiled back.

"I made a big batch. You seem to eat a lot more than I do," she said, and then shrugged.

I chuckled wryly and nodded my head because, _boy did I ever_. At the same time my face kind of melted into a soft grin. Call me a fool if you want to, but I was actually kind of touched the she'd paid enough attention to me the couple of times I'd eaten around her to notice.

As I put together another wrap, leaving the dressing off this time so that I could try it as a dip like she did, I told her about my apartment and when I was planning to take my GED. I was practically dancing on the inside when her smile widened and she told me that she was glad that I was staying.

Talk shifted to school after that and the conversation flowed easily... that is until there was a small lull in the conversation that ended with Olivia asking a question that brought had me thinking carefully about my response.

"Is that an original design?" she asked shyly as her gaze drifted over the bottom half of the Quileute tattoo on my right bicep.

_Umm, ok. How do I explain this one?_

* * *

So that was part one of their first date. Olivia's slowly giving away little pieces of her puzzle to Seth. Did anyone who read WG wonder why it was so easy for her to leave her parents and life in Alaska behind to go with Seth? We're about to start figuring her out.

Next chapter is part two of their date. We'll see what Seth decides to do about explaining the pack's tattoo to Olivia.

Any guesses as to how Seth will choose to end it? I'd love to hear them... ;-)

Until next time, which will hopefully be sooner than this one took!

~Hitchy


	7. So Do I

**Hello everyone. Here is part two of the date. **

**This is unbeta'd. I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer, so I posted it before _shepeppy_ could work her magic with it. Please forgive my errors as I'm sure there are a few.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own my inability to keep a posting schedule with this fic (sorry all!)**

* * *

**Chapter 7 – So Did I**

Turn back now its time for me to let go,  
Way down had to find a place to lay low,  
Lampshade turned around into a light post

Walk around the corner,  
Never saw it coming still,  
I try to make a move,  
It almost stopped me from belief,  
I don't wanna know the future,  
But I'm like rolling thunder,

Even on a cloudy day, (x7)

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the-  
I'll keep my eyes fixed on the-  
I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun

_Shake Me Down ~ Cage the Elephant_

**OPOV**

I couldn't help but smile back when Seth told me how much he enjoyed the lunch I'd made. I'd received praise for my cooking before, but it always came from women in the church community and seemed to reflect their respect for the fact that I, despite my younger age, I knew my way around a kitchen. Hearing it from Seth was completely different. I felt like I'd actually cooked something worth praising, instead of simply being praised for the fact that I could cook. It really wasn't anything complicated, but he seemed to enjoy it. He startled me a bit with the when he actually groaned after taking his first bite. I had to look up from the text my mom had sent me just to see if he'd actually liked it that much.

I guess it shouldn't have surprised me, though. So many things about our time together had been unexpected up to that point. As I tidied up our lunch and began putting containers back in the bag I reflected on our day together, and all of the unexpected things that had been done and said so far. To begin with, he looked so happy to see me when I finally made my way down the stairs of my building to meet him. His smile was so overwhelming that I'd had to look down to escape the intensity of it. He took my bag from me again, which wasn't necessary but didn't surprise that much because he had done it twice the day before. But when he held his hand out for me for no other reason than just to hold it, I was shocked. I'd wanted to do it, but it took me a moment or two to respond. I wasn't used to having someone just... reach out to me. I also wasn't used to wanting to be close to anyone. But with Seth... everything seemed to be different – simple. He wanted to hold my hand, and I wanted to hold his. So we did. And it was just as warm and comfortable and wonderful as I remembered it being from the day before.

I was beyond nervous and unsure of myself before that point, though. I _really_ liked Seth and I wanted to spend time with him but... I didn't date. So I had no idea what the proper things to do or say even were, and I really didn't want to mess it up. I was just so _sure _that I would. But when he took my hand I felt his warm, strong fingers wrap around mine, I started to relax. With his warmth came the now-familiar sense of comfort and ease I always seemed to have in his presence. By the time we'd walked to the mouth of the trail I was very calm and found that my worries had drifted off to the back of my mind so that I could actually look forward to spending time with him and to our short hike.

It started out so well. We'd walked in comfortable silence through about the first third of the trail, looking at trees and flowers and taking in the scenery. I think I almost died of shock when he slowly slid that tiny buttercup behind my ear and told me how pretty it looked. He didn't compliment me directly, but I just couldn't help feeling like he was when he spoke. His warm brown eyes were looking directly into mine – not anywhere near the flower he seemed to be complimenting.

He'd called it pretty. He'd called _me_ pretty.

Once again, I had no idea what to say to him in response. I had the sudden urge to tell him that I thought he was incredibly handsome himself because, well, he really was. But even as the thought formed in my head, my stomach kind of fluttered around with nerves about not really knowing _how_ to compliment him. He'd already complimented me twice, and each time he sounded confident and kind. I really wished I could do the same thing for him... but I felt myself clamming up with nerves at just the thought of it. Did I just come out and tell him? Should I find a way to tell him without being obvious about it, like he had for me? I wasn't very good at that. I was honest and direct when I spoke to people, since I appreciated when they were the same way with me. I didn't know how Seth managed it, but he seemed to find ways to tell me what he was thinking or show me how he was feeling without saying the words directly. It seemed really easy for him to express himself... and for me it just – wasn't. I knew that whatever I would have tried to do or say would probably come across sounding pathetic or awkward comparatively. So I didn't say anything at all. He didn't seem to mind, and didn't wait a long time for an answer from me. We were walking and chatting about other things again in no time.

Things got a little uncomfortable for me when talk turned to my father. Seth seemed really surprised to learn that my father was a preacher. I was kind of used to that sort of reaction, since everyone else that I'd met seemed to react the same way, but for some reason Seth's reaction was more intense. He seemed to be considering something really seriously after I told him and was very, very quiet for the rest of our walk up the trail. By the time we reached the clearing I was back to feeling nervous. Seth's face was very serious, which made me worry that my father's status bothered him... and that he might judge me for it, like others had before...

"_You're daddy's sweet little girl, huh Livvy," I heard _his _voice say in the back of my mind. "I bet you're just dying to get out from under his thumb." _

_I wasn't. I loved my dad and even though he was strict and had a lot of rules, most of them were based on our faith which I firmly believed in, so I didn't hold it against him. _

_I shook my head 'no' at _him_ as he pushed my panties aside and touched me roughly. I shuddered and once again whimpered a plea for him to stop, even though I knew it wouldn't be heard through the hand covering my mouth. _

"_Wonder what dear old dad would think of his innocent little girl right now," he wondered with a low chuckle as he continued to assault me with his fingers. _

I pushed the memory away when I felt tears of sadness well up in my eyes. I blinked them away as quickly as they came. I didn't want to think about it. I knew _exactly_ how my dad felt about his little girl's loss of innocence... it changed everything.

The truth was that my father and I used to be very close. I was an only child and the apple of my father's eye. But that all changed the day that I'd disappointed him beyond what he could forgive. Ever since then all he seemed to feel for me was resentment and disapproval. Talking about him never failed to bring up the memory of that day in my mind...

"_My God, Olivia. What were you thinking?" I heard his deeply disappointed and uncharacteristically angry voice rumble as it echoed in my head, the words as clear and sharply poignant as they were that day. _

_His grey eyes were a cold, hard and unreadable as he stared down at me, sitting nervously in one of the club chairs in his office. He was looking for answers. I wasn't sure that I had any for him._

He'd asked questions.

"_Did you even stop to think about what you were doing?"_

"_Daddy..." I replied thickly through my tears. "I just..." I shuddered and hiccoughed. "I couldn't," I whispered in defeat. "I'm sorry."_

He'd made statements.

"_Don't, Olivia. You know how this looks."_

"_I'm sorry, Daddy," I whispered again as I curled up into a ball on the chair in his office. He was so angry with me. I retreated into my own body as much as I could, trying my best to protect myself from feeling the full weight of his anger and disapproval. It was just too much. It was all too much._

_He grimaced, his jaw locking and unlocking a few times in frustration before he spoke again._

"_If you would have just..." he started with frustration and then stopped abruptly, shaking his head as if he knew that finishing his thought was of no use, which was true. There was no going back and changing things. What was done, was done. And that was that._

_Finally he murmured, "What will people think when they find out?"_

And with that thought, he'd made his point clear.

But as painful as his words were to hear, they weren't the worst of it. No. The look in his eyes as he spoke was much, much worse. The look told me what he really thought, how he really felt. It mirrored every disappointed frown, disapproving cross of the arms and cold shoulder I'd received from him since he'd found out. His eyes told me that he'd expected more of me and they asked the one question he didn't have the strength to voice out loud.

_How can you possibly expect me to look at you the same way? _they silently wondered_._

He didn't have to ask. I knew the answer.

He couldn't. No one could.

I certainly didn't.

I didn't know what to say to Seth when he asked me if I wanted to talk about my dad during lunch. I hadn't talked to anyone about it besides my mom. She was always patient and understanding with me, but I knew that I was putting her on the spot when we talked about my dad. She seemed to agree with me for the most part, but she also understood where my dad was coming from. Every time we talked I was putting her in the middle of things between us and I didn't want to do that to her. Yes, she was my mother, but she was my dad's wife too.

So when Seth asked if I wanted to talk I was tempted to say yes. It would have been nice to tell someone about how difficult things were between my father and I, without worrying about putting them in a position to choose who to support. But I knew that there was no way to discuss what happened between my father and I without disclosing what caused it. I might not have known much about dating, but I knew enough to know that telling him about making the worst decisions of my life, which led to the worst day of my life and ultimately the destruction of my relationship with my dad, was not normal first date material. So I kept it simple and explained to Seth that the community had expectations of my family that we weren't always capable of living up to. He seemed to understand and then thankfully, he dropped the subject.

The rest of lunch passed quickly and happily – especially happily for me after Seth told me that he'd found an apartment and was allowed admission to school as long as he passed his GED the next week. I couldn't believe my luck. He was _staying_. I think I smiled for the rest of our meal after hearing that.

Seth ate a second wrap after I finished mine, and I was glad that I'd made extra. I noticed how much more he seemed to eat than I usually did the couple of times I'd seen him eat while we were at Spikes, so I was careful to make enough for him to have seconds or thirds if he wanted to. I sat quietly for a moment or two as he ate the first few bites of his second wrap and watched him out of the corner of my eye as he chewed, trying not to stare. Trying, and apparently failing.

I was a little bit embarrassed to admit that it was really difficult to keep my eyes off of him. Seth was tall and sort of lean, but the short sleeved shirts he wore revealed well defined muscle under his smooth tan skin. I'd seen muscle on other guys before, and to be honest, it usually freaked me out. I knew what men could do with that much strength at their disposal... but unlike other guys Seth seemed to be really modest about his well cut physique. He didn't flaunt his strength or wear overly tight t-shirts like some others, just to show off what he had. I watched the easy ebb and flow of the muscles in his forearm and bicep as he lifted his food or his drink to his mouth. I was strangely fascinated by his movements. He was graceful and fluid but at the same time, easy and relaxed, like it was effortless for him to move so flawlessly.

After another moment or two my eyes fixed upon the bottom half of the tattoo on his right bicep. I'd noticed it before, but hadn't really taken the time to look at the detail of it. It was circular, intricately designed and from what I could see, it was symmetrical from the left to the right side. It was honestly like nothing I'd ever seen.

_It's so interesting,_ I thought.

When his eyes shifted over to mine I decided that I'd done enough ogling. It was really unlike me to stare, so I was kind of embarrassed at being caught.

_You should probably stop staring now and just ask him about it, Olivia, _my subconscious piped up. I decided she was right.

"Is that an original design?" I asked a bit hesitantly, suddenly feeling unsure of whether or not the question was too personal. The story behind my own tattoo was. Who was I to assume that he'd want to talk about his?

He hesitated and thought carefully for a moment before he answered and I regretted my decision to ask him about it immediately.

_Oh, Olivia. Why didn't you think before you asked? _

He cleared his throat a bit and nodded.

"Um, yeah, you could say that," he answered. I was about to change the topic when he put his wrap down on the plate beside him and lifted the sleeve of his shirt up over his shoulder to expose the rest of the tattoo.

"It's kind of a tribe thing," he said with a shrug as I shyly took in the rest of the design. As I studied the top half of it I noticed that it was actually an intricate depiction of the mirror image of an animal with claws, pointed ears and an open mouth that seemed to be howling towards the sky.

It took me a minute or so to put the image together with something familiar, but eventually I did. I wasn't an expert on tattoos, but my interest in art helped me understand the basics about decoding a symbolic image and I was fascinated by this one.

"Are they wolves?" I asked quietly while studying the complex image.

His eyes widened a bit in surprise before he answered.

"Um... yeah," he breathed incredulously. "You caught that, did ya?"

I shrugged and smiled shyly.

"I like art," I explained simply. "The imagery in this design is really... amazing. I've never seen anything like it."

He nodded his head. His deep brown eyes seemed to twinkle at me as we spoke. For some reason I got the distinct feeling that there was something emotional behind the tattoo. I wasn't sure what it was, though. His eyes were still warm and inviting, but not quite as open as before. He seemed to be a bit guarded. I tried not to worry about it. After all, I understood more than most people what it was like to feel strongly enough about something to have it permanently etched on your skin.

"It's pretty unique," he continued. "Just me and a few of the guys from La Push have one."

"What does it stand for?" I asked curiously, figuring that if it was a 'tribe thing' as Seth put it, it would have to be meaningful in some way.

Seth glanced out toward the lake and smiled a half smile.

"Well, it's kind of based on a legend," he stated slowly. He took a deep breath and let it out as a short sigh before he continued. "Our ancestors passed down a story that describes how our tribe kind of descended from wolves." He glanced my way with a shy smile of his own.

That surprised me. Seth, feeling shy. It wasn't something I would have expected to see from him. He was always open and relaxed about things.

"Wow," I replied quietly. After seeing his uncharacteristically cautious response, I was suddenly even more interested in the story. Besides that, I also wanted to know how it translated to the beautiful piece of art in front of me. For some reason I had a feeling that the story definitely earned its title as a _legend_.

"How did that work out?" I asked curiously.

Seth cocked his head to the side as his brows furrowed in confusion a bit.

"How did what work out?" he asked.

"Descending from wolves," I clarified. "I mean... how does the story go?"

"Um," he hesitated and then shook his head a bit with a shrug of one his shoulders. "It's kind of a long story. It'll probably bore you." I seriously doubted that, but didn't have a chance to tell him before he continued. "But I guess what it boils down to is that a long time ago our tribe was protected by some wolves. If it hadn't been for them, we would have been wiped out... so in a way, we owe our existence to them."

Then it was my turn to be confused. I wasn't quite sure about how the protective wolves in the shortened version he'd just told me related to actually descending from wolves. I wanted to ask him about it, but at that moment he slid his sleeve back down his arm and picked up his wrap again. It was a subtle gesture, but Seth seemed to be telling me how he felt without speaking again, so I took that as my cue to stop asking questions and decided to leave it alone. I hoped that I'd get to ask him about it again sometime, but I wasn't going to pry.

As he continued to eat I thought about what he had told me and then wondered if I should ask him about his home. He told me the day that we met that he had a sister and a lot of close friends on the reservation. Judging by the fact that he had a tattoo that represented the people in his tribe I guessed that he was pretty proud to be a part of it. It suddenly occurred to me that I was being a little selfish when it came to him. As happy as I was that he was going to stay up in Alaska, and as much as I wanted to spend more time with him, I hadn't really considered everything that he was leaving behind. He was moving away from his family, his friends, a small community that he loved... he was really and truly leaving everything behind.

I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, hugging away the tiny bit of anxiety I felt at wondering about what he was giving up. I laid my cheek down on my knees, facing Seth as he finished up his seconds.

I started thinking that maybe he would miss everything there and want to go back. As I thought about everything he was giving up, it reminded me of the fact that there was so much _less _here for him. And that was hard for me to think about because he was slowly becoming very valuable to me. For the first time in my life I had someone I felt like I could be myself with, someone whose company I really enjoyed and wanted to spend a lot more time with. But at the same time, I wondered about whether or not this move was going to make him happy.

"Do you miss it?" I whispered.

His eyes slid to mine and oddly enough, he smiled. His expression surprised me. He wasn't sad, thoughtful or even indifferent. He was just the opposite actually. He seemed confident and happy.

"No. Not really."

He shifted a bit so that he was lying on his side, propped up on an elbow. His hands picked apart a small leaf that had flown onto the blanket in the breeze.

"Really?" I asked with a small smile of my own. It was yet another thing that we seemed to have in common. I didn't miss being at home with my mom and dad. Just the opposite. I needed the space. Except now I was feeling curious about why Seth was glad to be here in Alaska instead of at home in La Push. Everything he'd said up until that point led me to believe that he was happy at home in Washington.

"Yeah," he said with another shrug while eyeing the leaf as he spun the remains of it between his long fingers. "I really like it up here." His eyes drifted up to mine, brown, warm and inviting. "A lot."

I felt my breath catch in my throat just the tiniest bit.

_And I like that you're here, _I thought as I melted into his gaze. _A lot._

"I'm glad," I whispered.

He grinned.

"What about your family?" I asked. He must miss them.

He nodded and his grin morphed into something closer to patient smile.

"I'll probably miss my mom and Leah, and maybe even Charlie after a while, but... it was time for a change, you know?"

I nodded in understanding, but was a bit confused about the mention of Charlie. I knew that Leah was his sister's name, but wasn't exactly sure who Charlie was.

"Is Charlie your dad?" I asked curiously.

He sighed a small sigh down his nose. His mouth twisted off to the side for the briefest of moments while his eyes drifted down towards his hands and the leaf.

"Sort of. He's my step dad."

"Oh," I breathed out in quiet surprise. I had no idea that his parents weren't together.

"My dad passed away from a heart attack when I was thirteen." The leaf in his hands stilled for a moment, along with my breath. _He'd lost his dad_. I could tell from the matter-of-fact tone in his voice that this was something he was used to admitting to people... but I wasn't used to hearing it.

_Oh... could I _be_ any more selfish today? I've been sitting here thinking about how difficult things are with my dad and how much I needed to get away from him for a little while... when I should be feeling grateful that he's around at all. _

Things between my dad and I were far from good but I loved both of my parents and would miss them terribly if something were to happen to them. Just thinking about it made my heart hurt. If things had been different for me having both of my parents around would have been nice. I thought about how close I was with my mom and how much I'd needed her over the past few years. I knew that guys didn't have quite the same sort of relationships with their dads as most girls did with their moms, but they still needed them while growing up.

And Seth was so young when he'd lost his dad. My heart went out to him the more I thought about it. No wonder he had been so understanding when I avoided talking about my dad. He'd probably done the same thing before, for very different reasons, but still. It couldn't be easy for him.

"That must have been really hard for you," I whispered quietly.

He shrugged with one shoulder. The leaf started twirling again between his fingers, slowly this time. He didn't take his eyes off of it as he talked.

"It wasn't so bad. I miss him but... I had my mom and my sister and even Charlie after a while. And I had some really good friends to help me out too. The guys I hung out with... they were really great to me – especially Jake. He's kind of like an older brother to me now. He made sure I kept up with school and stayed out of trouble, that sort of thing, you know?"

I felt myself relax a bit when I heard him talking about Jacob and how he'd helped him out. The tone of his voice spoke volumes. It was no secret that Seth really respected and appreciated Jacob, and I couldn't help but feel grateful for the fact that he'd been around to help Seth out. He'd obviously done a great job being a friend and mentor to him, because from what I knew of him Seth seemed like he'd turned out to be the most perfect guy.

"Jacob seems like a really nice guy. I'm glad he was there for you when you needed him," I said honestly.

"Yeah, he is. I feel like I owe him a lot for looking out for me when I was younger. He always says that it's not a big deal. The guys we hung out within La Push are a really close group of friends, but Jake is sort of the one people look to for..." he paused, seemingly searching for the right words. "Well, he's kind of the leader of the group. We all look out for each other, but Jake's the one who makes sure we all stay together and support each other. He says he was just being a good friend by looking out for me and making sure the others did too. But it was kind of more than that, for me at least."

"Good friends are hard to find," I said quietly, silently wishing that I'd made more friends when I was younger, so that maybe I would have had someone to be around for me, like Jake was for Seth.

"Yep," Seth said with a small smile. 'I'm kind of lucky that way. I've got a whole pack of guys at home in La Push ready to back me up any time I need them."

"And they've got you, too," I said, thinking about how Seth had come all the way up here to Alaska to help Jacob and Nessie move instead of enjoying the last couple of weeks of his summer relaxing and hanging out with friends.

"Definitely. I'm nothing if not loyal. Friend for life... you know?" His eyes made their way back to mine, sparkling and dancing with some unnamed emotion that I couldn't quite identify, but decided right away that I really, really liked.

_Friend for life..._

I liked the sound of that. Probably more than I should.

His smile started to widen slowly the longer he held my gaze. I felt mine mirroring his as it did.

_Friend for life..._

_Could he be any more perfect? He's smart, fun, funny, sweet, loyal... _

_His bright smile, tanned skin, those eyes..._

_Wow, Olivia. Just... wow._

We sat like that for a moment, just sort of smiling and staring at each other. I felt a frisson of energy run through me from head to toe making me shiver slightly, but in the best way. It wasn't a regular sort of shiver. It was warm and tingly. It wasn't a warning or chills... it was something else; something different. And I liked it.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I figured that I should probably say something, but I felt sort of trapped in his eyes – not in a bad way. No, not like that at all. It was the opposite, actually. Whatever those emotions were that were dancing around in his eyes seemed to capture my interest and pull me in. I liked them. I was drawn to them. I wanted to stay there and just feel... whatever it was.

It was only a couple of seconds later that he broke our gaze, though. I have to admit that I was kind of disappointed. I missed the warmth and the pull almost immediately, as soon as his eyes drifted away from mine and toward the sky over the lake.

It wasn't until he frowned at the sky that I shook my head a bit, and lifted it off of my knees to pay attention to what was going on around us. I'd kind of forgotten about everything else while I'd been sitting and talking with Seth. When I looked up I noticed that he was frowning at a set of really thick, dark clouds that had drifted over the lake.

"We should probably pack up. I think it's about to rain," he said confidently.

"It wasn't supposed to..." I said curiously, thinking about the forecast that I'd checked earlier in the day. I frowned at the clouds and glanced around. It was getting a bit darker. He might have been right about the rain... but I didn't want to believe it. I wasn't ready for our date to end yet. I was really hoping to have more time to spend with him.

"Yeah, well, trust me on this one. We get a lot of rain in Washington and those," he said, cocking his head toward the sky while shifting to his knees, "definitely look like rain clouds."

I grimaced a bit in disappointment and then nodded in agreement. He was right. The clouds were dark grey, large and heavy looking. They certainly did look like rain clouds.

Seth had already picked up our plates, napkins and other garbage. I went about packing the containers I'd brought back into my bag as he walked over to the trash can and threw out our garbage. I was busy slinging my much lighter bag across my chest when he returned and began folding up the blanket. Sure enough, by the time he'd gotten it folded I felt the first cool drop of rain hit my forehead.

Seth looked up, tucking the blanket under his left arm and holding his right hand out to me. I smiled and took it in my left without hesitation this time. I sighed a small happy sigh to myself the second his large fingers and palm gently wrapped around mine. His warmth, the tingle, the peaceful calm I felt around him was all there as soon as we touched.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered with a smile, and we set out towards the mouth of trail.

We walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes with our hands swinging lightly between us. Random tiny droplets of rain landed on our arms, faces and joined hands as we walked. The breeze had cooled a bit and even though it was chilly, I felt comfortable next to Seth. He never seemed to be cold. His body radiated the softest and most comfortable sense of warmth. It was so inviting that I had to fight my own natural instincts to lean in toward it. I absolutely loved cuddling up next to something warm, and Seth definitely seemed to fall into that category.

_Gah! Listen to yourself, Olivia! _My subconscious was shocked. _Are you really fighting with yourself _not_ to get closer to a guy for once? _

That was definitely new for me. I was usually the one shying or cowering away from men... but not this one. No, I didn't want to be farther away from Seth. I wanted to be closer. I really did.

I felt my heart begin to race a bit. Not in the familiar anxious way, but in an excited way. The skin on the entire left side of my body immediately prickled next to his. I was suddenly really fighting with myself not to lean into him and let that warm, tingling, prickly feeling spread.

I didn't have much time to think about it beyond that, though. I heard a soft gasp from Seth at my left and turned my face up toward his just in time to get pelted by several large drops of rain.

I huffed out a surprised breath and then chuckled at the same time he did. We were only about half way back and the rain was starting to get heavier.

"I think we're going to have to make a run for it," Seth said playfully.

I smiled and nodded in agreement while wiping a few droplets of rain off of my face with my spare hand.

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and cocked his head forward.

"Come on. We'd better hurry," he said with a smile.

And so we jogged, hand in hand, laughing lightly as we did. It was probably the most fun I'd ever had, even though the rain picked up speed with us as went.

By the time we made it to the last quarter of the trail it was pouring. The ground was soaked and so were we. I was happy to be able to keep up with Seth to that point. I ran about three miles every other day, but mostly on treadmills at the gym. Running outdoors in the rain was a bit trickier. I'd slipped and skidded in the mud a couple of times, but each time I did Seth's grip on my hand tightened a bit and he slowed down enough to hold me steady and make sure that I didn't fall. Seth seemed to be a bit more coordinated and was completely fine, running through the slippery mud and stepping over large puddles without sliding so much as an inch.

Just before the end of the trail there was a sharp bend which Seth jogged around with ease, while I slipped a bit. My feet were busy trying to find purchase in the soft, muddy ground and pivot to help me change direction at the same time. I pivoted so that my body was turned facing the direction I needed to go, but my feet kept sliding in the direction I was going before. I kept my eyes on the ground to help me find my footing as Seth gave my hand soft tug in the right direction. I managed to stay upright thanks to Seth's gentle support. I was just about to let out a sigh of relief knowing that we'd reached to mouth of the trail without any major problems when we rounded the end of the bend and I realized that the last few feet of the trail were now one very large, very deep looking puddle. And that we were about to land right in the middle of it.

I gasped loudly and locked my legs a bit, skidding to a halt right in front of the puddle. I would have stopped and been fine but my bag flew forward the second I skidded and jerked away from the puddle. The weight of it made my top half bend forward again. Before I knew it I was off balance started tipping forward toward the puddle. I yelped and let go of Seth's hand, holding both of mine out in front of me to brace myself for the fall.

In an instant, so quickly I barely noticed him doing it, Seth was behind me gently gripping both of my elbows with long, warm fingers, pulling me back from the puddle and grounding me steadily on my feet just in time. I let out a surprised breath and felt my body relax a bit until I realized that he was still holding me steady - right against him.

And that's when everything changed. The warmth, the tingling, the slow, steady pulse of...of... whatever it was that I felt when I stood next to him flooded through me everywhere we touched. I wasn't sure why, but I felt like I was incredibly safe and secure against his heated and muscular form. I think I might have actually melted against him, but I couldn't be sure. I'd never felt this way before. I had no idea what was happening, but I did know that I surprised myself by liking it. I didn't think I'd ever like being next to a man, or having him hold me in any way, ever again.

I shivered pleasantly and then slumped forward just a bit, relaxing completely. Seth's easy grip on my elbows tightened just slightly to make sure that I didn't fall forward again.

"You ok?" he breathed softly near my temple.

I nodded minutely. My throat felt tight with some sort of emotion I couldn't identify. I couldn't make myself respond any further than that.

"Good," he murmured and then slowly loosened his hold on my elbows before taking a small step back.

I took a deep breath to clear my mind after he broke contact with me and was suddenly able to take in my surroundings a bit better than I had before. When I did I noticed that the puddle spanned the width of the trail. Which left us with two options – go over it, or through it. Actually, what I should say is that Seth had the option. His long legs could probably span the distance of the puddle with just a bit of a stretch on his part. My short ones, on the other hand, didn't have a prayer.

I glanced around a second time, feeling a little desperate to find another solution, and caught Seth looking from the puddle to me and back again with a frown.

"You're not going to make it, are you?" he asked slowly.

I sighed and shook my head with a small shrug. There was no use getting upset about it. We would only waste more time getting soaked in the rain if I did.

"I can help... if you want," he said a little bit hesitantly.

I blinked up at him curiously.

"How?"

"Well," he said and ducked his head a bit, "how about a lift?"

_A lift? _I thought at the same time as he raised his arms a bit, palms up, in offering.

_Oh! _

"Um..." I started and hesitated a bit. I felt comfortable around Seth. I felt really, really comfortable but this was a big thing for me to consider.

_It's not like you have another choice, Olivia, _my subconscious murmured. _It's either him or the puddle._

It took another deep breath and one more look at Seth's honest and hopeful expression for me to make up my mind.

"Ok," I whispered quietly.

His eyes widened a bit and he smiled slowly.

"Ok," he replied softly. He shifted the picnic blanket under his arm so that it was wedged tightly between his upper arm and ribcage before shifting to stand behind me again. I was sort of frozen on the spot, too nervous to move in any way really. But I wasn't having an anxiety attack, and I wasn't shaking or feeling panicked. I was glad about that, at least.

Then, without warning, I felt his forearm under my knees and his other arm around my shoulders. A second later I was being lifted up into the air and cradled lightly to his chest. I was startled by how easy it seemed for him. It was as if he was lifting a pillow – not a person. He didn't heft or shift my weight at all. His movements were smooth and careful – almost as if they were effortless. I felt like I was floating.

I kept my hands clutched loosely around the strap of my bag, which sat in my lap. The tingling and warmth were back again, which made it difficult to focus on what was going on around me. Not to mention the fact that I was in his arms.

_Oh my Lord. Is this really happening? _

I felt myself shift a bit as Seth stretched out one of his long legs over the puddle and then shift back as he righted himself on the other side. I looked into his face to find him smiling a half smile. The twinkle in his eye was back. I wondered briefly if it meant that he was happy, since he seemed to be smiling every time he did it.

"Thank you," I murmured and smiled back.

"No problem," he said as he bent forward and set me down lightly on my feet. "It was my pleasure."

When his arms were free his hand shifted back to mine and we started jogging again. It only took about another minute or so to make it across the parking lot and to the front doors of my dorm building. When we got there we stood under the small awning, finally out of the rain. We took a second or two to catch our breath, or at least I did. Seth didn't seem winded at all, but then I guessed it made sense since he seemed to be in really good shape. As the adrenaline of our run started to fade I felt myself shiver, finally feeling the effects of the rain dampening my clothes and hair.

"Are you cold?" Seth asked with concern and turned to face me.

"A little," I answered truthfully, because to be honest the side of me that was next to him wasn't cold at all. His warmth seemed to be enough to keep that half of me very comfortable.

"Here," he said quietly. He released my hand and pulled the blanket out from under his arm. He wrapped it gently around my shoulders. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was mostly dry, and very warm – no doubt from being tucked under his arm for the entire trip down the trail. I gathered the blanket around my chest with my left hand, hugging it to me, wrapping myself up in his heat. I couldn't help but notice that the blanket smelled good too. It smelled like _him_. He never smelled of cologne or anything artificial. No... his scent was soft, fresh and subtle. It was an very soothing mix of scents. As I hugged the blanket to me and drew in a deep breath I realized that I recognized the combination – it was a combination of sandalwood and chamomile. It was fresh and soothing and just... so very _Seth_.

I sighed happily and smiled up at him. I had to crane my neck a bit because we were only standing a foot or so apart. He bent his head down an inch or two to meet my gaze. When he did I noticed a small flash of green on top of his dark, wet hair.

"Um, you've got a little..." I mumbled and pointed to the top of his head.

"Oh," he said quietly and raked a hand through his hair, missing the tiny leaf by an inch or so.

I shook my head and huffed out a tiny laugh before reaching up slowly with my right hand. I had to shift onto my toes and lean in a few inches so that I could reach. Seth helped me by bending forward slightly and meeting me almost half way.

I pinched the small leaf between my fingers and slid it out of his hair. I started to shift back downward and got as far as flattening my feet on the ground when I suddenly realized how close we were. My hand was frozen mid-air beside his ear, our faces and bodies mere inches apart. He was so close that all I could smell was him. All I could feel was him. We weren't touching in any way, but my skin was tingling with that strange and wonderful, warm, pulsing beat that seemed to drum out just for him.

Neither of us moved for a few seconds. We just stood there, breathing each other in.

And then he inhaled a bit shakily... and so did I.

And then he shifted slightly closer... and so did I.

And then, _then,_ he brushed his warm, soft lips across the corner of my mouth.

My eyes fluttered closed nearly as quickly as my heart flew in my chest – like a hummingbird's wings. My skin flamed under his lips. The strumming, pulsing beat got faster, and louder; I could hear it in my ears. My hand slowly lowered to the collar of his shirt, resting there lightly as his lips hovered near mine.

I felt a brush of heated, light pressure on the outside of each of my hips as his hands made their way there from his pockets. They rested there, like my hand on him, not gripping or holding me, just anchoring us together.

And then... _he kissed me_.

His lips pressed against mine so tenderly and sweetly that I felt my heart flip in my chest. We stayed there for a moment, lips pressed together just... connected. I wasn't sure how, but every second we spent like that made the warmth and the pulsing beat between us grow and quicken until it was all I could feel or hear. Except for his lips on mine.

I hesitated slightly when he moved very slowly to nip at my bottom lip.

It felt so good. _He_ felt so good.

He was going to kiss me. Really, really kiss me. And I was hesitating.

_Am I ready for this? _

I wasn't sure... until I felt his nose softly nuzzle mine, tipping my head back just the slightest bit. I'd been kissed before, but never like this. This was just... overwhelmingly tender.

_Oh... wow. He's just... I... oh. _

My thoughts were a jumbled mess, but they seemed to be decided on one thing.

_He wants to kiss – sweetly._

And surprisingly I knew that at that moment... so did I.

* * *

**And at this moment... so do I! Anyone else want to be kissed by Seth? *Our laid back, cheerful young wolf definitely has a few smooth moves up his sleeve – especially for this girl.**

**I know I've mentioned that RL has been busy for me these last couple of months, so I want to thank everyone one of you that are still here and haven't flounced on me, despite my inability to keep to a posting schedule with this little fic. I can't promise regular updates, but I do promise to update as soon as I can, whenever I can. If you don't mind the unbeta'd versions of chapters I can post them a bit more quickly on this site. Let me know if that works for you guys. **

**This fic will be finished, no need to ask. I won't drop it, I promise!**

**Next chapter will be Seth`s POV and will pick up where this one left off. **

**Until next time,**

**~Hitchy**


	8. Falling

** Hi everyone! So we're back, picking up with where we left off... the kiss.**

**Thank you to shepeppy for her speedy turn around and much needed words of encouragement with this chapter. I appreciate both, more than she'll ever know.**

**Chapter Song: Falling In ~ Lifehouse**

**SM own Twilight. I own Seth and Olivia beginning to fall.**

* * *

Every time I see your face  
My heart takes off on a high speed chase  
Now don't be scared, it's only love  
Baby, that we're falling in

I can't wait till tomorrow  
This feeling has swallowed me whole  
And know that I've lost control  
This heart that I've followed  
Has left me so hollow  
That was then, this is now, yeah you have changed everything

Every time I see your face  
My heart takes off on a high speed chase  
Now don't be scared, it's only love  
That we're falling in  
I would never do you wrong  
Or let you down or lead you on  
Don't look down, it's only love  
Baby, that we're falling in

I'm standing in your driveway  
It's midnight and I'm sideways  
To find out if you feel the same  
Won't be easy, have my doubts too  
But it's over, without you I'm just lost, incomplete  
Yeah you feel like home, home to me

Every time I see your face  
My heart takes off on a high speed chase  
Now don't be scared, it's only love  
That we're falling in  
I would never do you wrong  
Or let you down or lead you on  
Don't look down, it's only love  
Baby, that we're falling in

All those nights I stayed awake  
Thinking of all the ways to make you mine  
All of those smiles will never fade  
Never run out of ways to blow my mind

Every time I see your face  
My heart takes off on a high speed chase  
Now don't be scared, it's only love  
That we're falling in  
I would never do you wrong  
Or let you down or lead you on  
Don't look down, it's only love  
Baby, that we're falling in  
Don't be scared, it's only love  
Baby, that we're falling in

_Falling In ~ Lifehouse_

**SPOV**

There were _no_ words to describe that kiss. When we leaned in and I breathed in her breath, her sweet scent and felt her soft heat next to me, I could barely contain myself. I wanted to kiss her, but I was afraid of fucking everything up, because I knew that kissing the one you're meant for was some powerful shit.

At one point in time or another, I'd seen what it was like for every other wolf in the pack who had done it. It was like offering a glass of water to a man dying of thirst, or granting a suffocating man his first breath of fresh air – it was exhilarating, incredibly satisfying... and undeniably _necessary_. It usually hit them like a Mack truck. One second they were high strung, vibrating with the need just to be near her, or as close to her as possible, wanting so badly to make her feel even a fraction of what they felt and the next second – BAM! They were goners. All it took was one little kiss, one peck on the lips and everything else in the world disappeared. The crazy attraction that they felt towards their other halves would rush over them and cloud their senses like a tidal wave. From what I'd seen in their thoughts, it was really hard to reign in and control.

So I was waiting for it... the lust... the desperate attraction. I already felt it to a degree. She was a very beautiful girl, there was absolutely no denying that. She was small but she definitely had some incredible, soft curves. Between her body, her gorgeous face, her wide icy blue eyes and her incredibly sweet and thoughtful personality I knew that _everything_ about her appealed to me. But physically, I wasn't dying to take things anywhere beyond a kiss yet. Don't get me wrong, I _wanted _to kiss her. Hell, did I _ever_. But that was it – just kissing for now. She was too special to want to rush things with. I just wanted to connect with her and feel her connect with me. I wanted to hold her softly and let her know how pretty and incredible I thought she was.

And yeah... I wanted to taste her lips. With a scent as sweet as hers, I was willing to bet that she tasted like heaven. I was dying to find out.

But... I was worried also about what might happen once I was feeling, well, _desperate_ for her. It's sounds extreme to describe it that way, but I knew I would be. It was a given. Every imprinted wolf was and the attraction got ten times stronger with the first kiss. It was like setting a boulder rolling at the top of a steep slope. I'd seen it at least a half dozen times with the others. One kiss - _just one_ - and it was full speed ahead.

But I could tell that Olivia was feeling hesitant – not unwilling, just... cautious, or unsure maybe? I had to go slowly. I knew it would probably be torturous, like the thirsty man sipping instead of gulping the water to quench his thirst, but I was determined to keep things light and gentle with her. She deserved to be treated just as sweetly and kindly as she treated everyone and everything else.

And I wanted to be the guy who kissed her the way she deserved to be kissed, regardless of what _I_ wanted or needed.

So... I did.

I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers so softly it almost tickled.

I felt our electric tingle jolt through me like a bolt of lightning, ten times stronger than it had before. It shot straight out into the rest of my body from my lips to my heart, my head to my toes, and everywhere in between. It was powerful... and it _was _hard to keep myself in check, but not in the way that I had expected it to be.

When my lips brushed against hers it was like nothing I'd ever felt before in my life. From the first time she touched me on the day that we met, and every time after that, I felt like I had been plugged in. Our tingling, pulsing vibration would kick in and start drumming out a steady beat under my skin. I would shiver and hum with it. But this time it was so much _more. _It was like being plugged into the _sun_. I went from feeling that steady hum and drum of energy under my skin to feeling like I'd been lit up from the inside out. My skin felt like it was glowing. And my heart and the blood in my veins weren't drumming out a beat anymore, they were softly vibrating with a steady buzz.

I was expecting it to hit me a lot harder than it did. It practically knocked the other guys flat out when it happened to them.

The only comparison I can make to explain the difference between what I expected to feel and what actually happened is to say that it was like the difference between the harsh light that comes from a modern energy efficient bulb and the gentle, more natural light that comes from a regular round one. I was expecting to be railroaded with extreme sensations and lust, and instead I was tossed into the deep end of a warm pool of soft light. It made me feel hot – everywhere – but in a really good way. The lust wasn't boiling and bubbling over like a hot tub under my skin, though. It was more like the water in a heated pool, sliding through my veins, warming me up from the inside out. It was totally unique... and it was incredible.

Soft, pure, warmth.

_Soft, pure and warm. Just like her._

And in response to feeling that, everything I wanted to do next followed the same pattern.

I softly nuzzled my nose to hers. I gently nipped at her bottom lip, just barely pressing it between mine.

_Kiss me_, I begged with my mouth and mind, _please. Let me kiss you_.

She whispered a sigh and tilted her head back with mine.

And finally... _finally_, we sank into a warm, sweet and gentle kiss.

I opened my mouth a fraction of an inch and she responded with the same. I let my tongue graze the soft, plump skin of her bottom lip and I felt my insides tighten up with want and anticipation. She opened her mouth just a little more, inviting me in. That's when I felt her breathe mingle with my breath when it left my body, right before she drew it in. There was something about that. It did things to me. Good things. She took something from me – and I liked it. I wanted to give her more of me. So I did. I let my tongue glide out and into hers – just a little.

Her mouth was all smooth, velvety, chocolaty sweetness. Her lips and tongue were warm and wet, like a melted candy bar. I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head just tasting her and feeling her like that.

_Holy shit, this is incredible, _I thought as I gently tasted the skin of her lips. _She's like nothing I've ever imagined. This is just... I... oooh fuck_. _So good._

_Slow, Seth, take this slow, _I reminded myself and began to pull back. I was still waiting for the lust filled insanity...

But then her tongue flicked out softly to meet mine.

And that's when it _really_ hit me.

With that one flick of her tongue against mine, I lit up – instantly. I went from forty watts to hundred in a fraction of a second. But there was no Mack truck, no insanely desperate lust, no need to take it anywhere further. And I was really glad about that. I didn't want to rush this with her. Being with her like this was like drinking a really good bottle of wine. You could rush it, but then you'd miss all the rich, deep flavours and sensations that came with it. And I didn't want to miss a damn thing. I wanted to savour her.

I was falling for this girl, hard and fast and sure, and wanting to kiss her to show her how much she meant to me. How much I needed her. How much I wanted to be everything for her.

So that's what I did. I kissed her forever. And thankfully, she let me. Our heads and mouths and tongues worked together like the gears in a slow moving clock. She was the left to my right, the up to my down, the tick to my tock.

It was simple. It was slow. It was perfect.

But when the breeze picked up and she shivered I slowed it down to a crawl and then eventually to a stop. I didn't want to stop, I could have kissed her for hours, but she I figured that she had to be getting cold, and she was still wet from running in the rain. I didn't want her to get sick, so I took a deep breath and laid my forehead against hers to steady myself. I didn't open my eyes. I was enjoying the moment for a bit. The light in me dimmed a bit when we pulled apart, but didn't go out. It ended up staying lit, like a soft, subtle twenty-five watts sitting in the centre of my chest. I knew it wouldn't ever go out as long as she was around. It was a bit intense, to be honest, but I was looking forward to adjusting to it. I'd never spent a day in my entire life feeling as good as I had in that moment.

The sound of her deep exhale was what made me open my eyes. It was shaky and she leaned into me as she did it. I wasn't expecting that.

"Hey," I said softly as I peered down at her face. Her eyes were still closed. Her fingers hadn't moved an inch from the collar of my t-shirt, but her grip on the blanket around her was strong. Her knuckles were white.

Was she too cold? I wasn't really thinking about it while we were wrapped up in the kiss to end all first kisses, but now that I was I noticed that the temperature had dropped a couple of degrees. Now that I was paying attention I realized that there was also a subtle tingling in my spine that told me that there was a fall storm brewing and creeping up on us quickly.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

Her eyes fluttered open and she pulled back a bit to look at me. I felt myself smile when I saw what she was feeling. Her big, bright blue eyes were filled with warmth. They were like the warm oceans in the tropics. I wanted to dive right in.

I wanted to hold her close to me and feel her small, soft body against my chest. And I wanted to run my hands through her hair and stare at the oceans in her eyes when I did it. I could warm her up and make her feel better.

I slid my hands up from her hips to her ribs, intending to wrap my arms around her and give her a hug, but everything about that moment changed in an instant the second I did it.

She stilled and stiffened from head to toe. Her breath caught in her throat. But worst of all, the warmth in her eyes disappeared and the oceans quickly drifted away. Then they squeezed shut.

_What the hell just happened?_

I stepped back and slid my hands over her arms to her elbows and left them hovering there. She shivered again and I really started getting worried about her being too cold. I wanted to hold her, but she was so stiff... I didn't want to catch her off guard and make her feel more tense.

_What did I do?_

"Olivia?" I whispered, suddenly really worried that I'd done something wrong.

"I'm ok," she said quietly but firmly. I didn't like the tone of her voice. It was like she was talking to me and answering my question, but kind of like she was talking to herself too.

Why would she need to tell herself that?

She took a deep breath and released it through her nose. She shook her head lightly from side to side before slowly opening her eyes. I was more than a little confused by what I saw there when she lifted her eyes to meet mine.

_An apology._

I felt my face crinkle up a bit in confusion. I had no idea what she was feeling sorry about... unless... _oh no... _was she sorry that we kissed? Was it too much? Should I have stopped sooner? Did she regret it?

I stepped back again, while trying to swallow my heart, which seemed to be fighting with my Adam's apple for space in my throat.

_I can't believe I fucked this up. It was too much. You said you were going to go slow, and then you kissed her forever and kept her out in the cold. _

I broke her gaze and swallowed again, trying to find the right words to say to fix this. Somehow I just knew that "_I'm really sorry for kissing you for so long, and I know that we just met, but you're gorgeous, kind and incredible and we're soul mates and I just couldn't help myself because I feel like I'm alive when I'm with you_," would be ok. It would probably just freak her out even more.

I'd sound like a stalker.

_Yep, like the kind that watches her window and listens to what she's doing in the privacy of her home at night when she's alone..._just_ like I've been doing all week._

Fuck.

'"I'm sorry."

_Wait, what? _That hadn't come from me. I looked up and into her eyes.

_Another apology_.

"Seth, I... I'm so sorry," she whispered again.

In the distance thunder rumbled. The rain was still coming down in sheets. We stood a foot apart under the awning, her still dripping wet and me more or less just feeling damp. She was apologizing and I was seriously confused.

_Why is she apologizing if I'm the one who crossed a line?_

"No," I shook my head. "I..." I swallowed thickly one more time, "I guess I shouldn't have done that." I swallowed again, this time against the bitter taste that those words left in my mouth. I didn't want to believe what I just said. Kissing her was the single most amazing and exhilarating thing I'd ever done.

But if she... if it _wasn't _for her... then I shouldn't have done it.

She gasped quietly and her eyes widened.

"No," she whispered fervently, "please don't say that. I'm sorry. I just," she paused, glanced at the ground and shook her head at herself.

She took a deep breath and stepped forward, covering the space I'd put between us and putting herself directly in front of me again.

Then, for the first time ever, she reached out _her_ free hand and took mine in her gentle grasp. Her fingers were trembling a bit. I stood there feeling nervous and sort of dumbfounded. Something about this was off. I was missing something, but I had no idea what. I would have asked her about it, but she seemed to be preparing herself to say something, so I just stood there and waited until she was ready, anxious to hear what she'd say next, and really hoping I hadn't screwed things up.

"I'm not very good at this," she whispered towards our hands.

_Not good? You're amazing. _She couldn't have been more wrong.

"I'm shy and I get... nervous easily," she continued.

_I'm nervous too. _It was rare for me, but this girl... she was better than anything I could have dreamed up for myself. Who wouldn't be nervous about messing things up with someone as incredible as her?

"I... that was..." she paused again. I could see her forehead crease a bit as she thought about how to word what she wanted to say next. She was obviously trying to find the right words. I stood quietly and waited. After about half a minute she took a deep breath and blew it out with her next set of words. "That was the best kiss I've had."

_Holy crap. The best she ever had? Did she really just say that? I mean, yeah, it was definitely the best for me by a long shot... but hearing that it was the best for _her _made me feel ten different shades of proud and happy. _

"Me too," I confirmed quietly. She should know that. If it made her feel even half as good as I felt when I heard it, then she needed to know.

Her eyes flew up to mine in surprise.

I smiled and looked down at her in amazement. That must have been hard for her to admit. But she did it – for me.

"Thank you," she whispered.

The thunder clapped again, this time along with a flash of lightning. We turned to look out at the storm at the same time. The sky had darkened and the wind was picking up.

"Seth," she whispered so quietly I could barely hear her over the rain.

"Yeah?" I answered looking down at her to find her staring at the storm with a furrowed brow. Her lips were pursed too. She was thinking about something.

"You can't walk home in that."

I shrugged and shook my head. It was just a storm. I'd be ok. With my heightened senses I could easily find my way around the worst pockets of stormy weather and avoid any trouble.

"I'll be fine," I told her.

"You don't know that," she replied worriedly. I _did _know that, actually. But there was no way to explain it to her without her knowing more about me.

I felt my face soften into a smooth smile, while my heart warmed up.

_She's worried about me, _I thought incredulously. _ I wish I could tell her that she didn't have to be. But I can't – not now. Eventually... but not yet. Keeping secrets from her isn't going to be easy, _I abruptly realized. She seemed like the kind of person who appreciated honesty. I hated the thought of looking down into her big, open blue eyes and telling her a lie about who I was. I didn't want to do it. I hadn't so far. Even with my tattoo. When she surprised me by recognizing the animals as wolves and asked what the design was about, I told her the truth. Well, half of it, at least. I was pretty sure that it didn't make sense and I could see in her eyes that she had more questions, but she let it drop. I'd somehow managed to tell her the truth even if I did edit out anything to do with my wolf status or my feelings for her.

_I have to keep doing that. I won't lie to her, _I decided. _She deserves better than that. _It wouldn't be easy, but I was sure it would be worth it in the end.

She broke our brief silence as we stared out at the rain by clearing her throat softly.

"Um, w-well..." she stammered a bit and then paused to take a deep breath. "Would you like to come in and, um... wait out the storm?"

Her hand shook again. I didn't blame her for being nervous about that one. Sure we'd just shared an out of this world kiss and had seen each other a few times, but that didn't change the fact that we'd just met. What girl wouldn't be nervous inviting a guy she'd just met up to her dorm room after their first date, even if it was just to wait out a storm. And with Olivia being probably the shyest girl I'd ever met, this was huge.

I had to act fast to keep my jaw from landing on the concrete step below our feet. There was just no way I would have expected her to invite me upstairs – storm or not.

And then I was conflicted, because I really, really wanted to say yes. Not for the usual reasons a guy might be hoping to get up to a girls apartment after a date. I just really wanted to see where she lived. I wanted to see her stuff and be in her space. I wanted to know her better.

But... not if it made her uncomfortable. The fact that her hand shook when she asked me to come up made me hold back. As much as I wanted to know everything about her, I could wait and hope that I'd get the chance to see it another time.

"Um, thank you. That's really sweet of you," I replied quietly, "but you don't have to do that. I can call Jake to pick me up." It wasn't really necessary but he'd come if I asked him to.

"Oh," she nodded and shrugged with a small smile. "I hadn't thought about that."

I smiled back and gave her hand a little squeeze before letting it go to pull my phone out of my pocket.

"Just give me a sec," I murmured as I flipped it open and hit number three on my speed dial.

It rang four times.

"Hi, this is Jake, and I'm obviously not around so... you know what to do," I heard his voicemail recording rattle off. I hung up during the beep and dialled Nessie's phone next. Sometimes they only kept one on if they were hanging out together, knowing that anyone who was important to them could reach them at either number.

It rang five times.

"You've reached Nessie. I'm not available-." I hung up in the middle of her voicemail message, sighed and scratched my head. They were supposed to be having a movie marathon night. They should have been home, and Jake always answered his phone. The lightning flashed again and thunder rumbled loudly, making me wonder if they had lost reception.

That's when I realized that I was really out of options. And so was she.

I turned towards her a bit sheepishly. I figured I could always ask if there was a common room in her building that we could hang out in, or I could tell her that I'd wait it out under the cover of the awning...

But when I looked at her, I saw that she was smiling at me shyly with a knowing look in her eye.

"They didn't pick up, did they?" she asked.

I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, they didn't but... um, it's ok. I mean, you don't have to-."

"Seth?" she interrupted quietly before reaching out and taking my hand in hers again, squeezing it very gently one time.

"Come on," she murmured. She let go of my hand and slid a key from her pocket into the door lock, turning it while pulling the door open with the hand that was still clutching the blanket. I reached over her head and held the door for her, stopping just before the threshold.

"You sure?" I asked one last time.

She smiled and glanced up, flashing those big baby blues at me from under her long, black lashes.

"Yes."

She sounded confident, not a waiver in her tone at all. She meant what she said. And I couldn't have been happier.

I smiled and stepped in the door, letting it close softly behind me. I took a second to look around. The foyer was bright, spacious and clean, so it seemed like the place was well cared for. There was a large cork bulletin board on the right with sheets advertising all sorts of things from job postings for students, to book clubs, to parties. And the wall directly to my left housed the mailboxes. I couldn't help but notice that the boxes were labelled with various names of both male and female students that lived there. I have to say that I was less than excited to find out that she lived in a co-ed dorm. I didn't like the thought of her being locked in there at night after visiting hours with other guys, whether they were in their own dorm rooms or not. But there really wasn't anything I could do about it. As I glanced over the names quickly I noticed a few guys by the name of John. I made a mental note to make sure that I somehow got bagel-boy's last name so I could check to see if he lived in this building or not. That was definitely something I'd want to know.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that she was standing on the bottom step of the stairs, waiting for me to finish looking around.

"Ok," I breathed, trying really hard to rein in the excitement coursing through my veins, knowing that I'd get to see more about her world and what she was about. I gestured toward the large, honey coloured, wooden staircase in front of us. "Lead the way."

* * *

**Yes, he's really going up to her apartment after their first date. I mentioned that they had a bit of a whirwind romance in WG didn't I? Well, they did, with a little divine intervention in the form of a fall thunderstorm and a few other things to help them along the way. **

**Olivia's up next. Or Maybe Seth. Orrrr, maybe both, now that I think about it. LOL! Who would you like to hear from?**

**Any ideas/suggestions about what these two should do while they're waiting for the storm to pass? As always, I'd love to hear them. You know what to do...**

**Until next time,**

**~Hitchy**


	9. A Perfect Storm

**Many thanks to shepeppy for sprucing this up for me, and for her invaluable feedback to my inane questions. She puts up with a lot. I 3 her.**

**No chapter song this time (or you can use the one form last chapter - it still applies).**

**SM owns Twlight. I own a perfect storm.**

* * *

**Chapter 9 – A Perfect Storm**

**SPOV**

Olivia's dorm was nothing like I thought it would be.

The first thing I saw when we entered was the tiny four by four foot entry way just inside Olivia's front door that was actually part of the living room. I closed the door softly behind me as Olivia flicked a switch to turn on two soft lamps on either side of the room and slipped off her shoes. She turned to me with a shy and smile and an apprehensive look on her face. I smiled back as she hung her bag up on the wrought iron coat rack she had near the door.

She pulled the picnic blanket around her shoulders a bit tighter with the hand that held it, and swept her other one out towards the room in front of us.

"Um... please come in. Just... make yourself comfortable. Will you be okay for a minute on your own?"

I nodded.

"Sure. Take your time."

"Ok. I'll be right back," she murmured. She slipped her cell phone, which had beeped with another text, out of her bag and into her hand before heading down a hallway, just off of the living room to our left.

She was still soaking wet, so I assumed that she was going to change into something dry. I hoped that she'd take a little time to run a towel over her long hair like I'd seen Leah do when it was really wet. Her hair reminded me a lot of my mom's when I was younger. It was long, black and thick. Leah's used to be the same before she cut it after she joined the pack. She used to complain about how long it would take to dry sometimes. I wondered if Olivia's was the same.

I toed off my own shoes and stepped in a few feet, looking around with mild wonder and surprise. From what I understood, most dorm rooms were pretty generic – white walls, dark carpet to hide stains and messes from previous owners, second hand furniture – you know, the basics. Which actually _was_ the case with her space, but that was only the bare bones of it.

In reality, it was so much more.

There was a couch on the left wall just beyond the hallway and a large armchair at the opposite end of the room in the right corner, under a window which almost spanned the entire length of the back wall. Based on the shape of the furniture I could tell that it _was_ older and probably second hand, but she'd managed to turn them into something else entirely. Both pieces of furniture were fitted with deep purple slip covers and had patterned throw pillows on them with the same deep purple, along with white, and a dark royal blue to match the walls and carpet. Mixed among them was also a bright green. There was a simple black coffee table in the centre of the room, one of those put it together yourself pieces, that held a couple of books, a set of bright green coasters and a bright green candle holder. A few more candle holders sat on the window ledge, alternating bright green and black. A small TV sat in the middle of the wall opposite to the couch on a black stand that seemed to match the coffee table. But none of those things were what made the room unique. It was what was on the walls that caught and held my attention.

Above the couch sat a series of three painted canvases, a large square in the middle, flanked by two rectangles, one on either side. I looked from the canvas to the throw pillows and back again, thinking about what a great idea this piece of art was. It was an exact replica of the intricate pattern on her pillows, which were white with the blue, purple and green creating the design, only the canvas's design wasn't as stark. The colours were kind of muted, which was a good thing, because the pattern on the pillows would have been really loud and bold if it had been blown up this large and left as bright as it was before. I stepped forward until I was standing directly in front of it and took a minute to admire the work. I looked for a signature of manufacturers mark in the corner of each piece of canvas to see who had created them or where she bought the set because I really liked it and wondered if I could find something like it for my new place.

I kept looking at it for a minute, as I listened to the muted beeping of her phone, figuring that she was probably texting whoever had sent her messages during our date. Half a minute later I heard her light footsteps shuffle down the hallway and into the living room.

"This is a great idea," I said, still looking at the art above the couch and gesturing to one of her pillows with my hand.

"Oh, um... thank you," she answered quietly.

"Where did you get it?"

"The pillows are from the Home Store near my parents' house," she murmured as she walked over to stand beside me.

"Did you find the art somewhere else?" I asked, thinking it was really great luck for her to come across pieces that obviously went together in separate places.

She didn't answer out loud, but shook her head.

I turned to look at her curiously, wondering what she meant, and felt my eyes widen in surprise when I saw that she was blushing – a lot, while fiddling with a small white towel in her hands and staring at the floor.

"I painted it," she murmured shyly.

_She what? Did she actually say what I think she said? _I looked back at the painting and the pillow in awe. The pattern was intricate and really complicated, and the replica above the couch was an almost perfect rendition of it. With my superior eyesight I could catch even the smallest imperfections and there were only a few.

"Really?" I asked, astonished. She mentioned that she liked art earlier, but I had no idea that she was an artist. After seeing this, I realized that she most definitely was. She'd have to be to recreate something so complicated so well.

She nodded and shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"This is amazing," I told her honestly.

"It's nothing, really. I just copied the pattern in watercolour. Most of the things on the walls are mine. I didn't have the budget to buy new so..." she trailed off as I looked around and noted several other things that hadn't caught my eye before.

On the opposite wall on either side of the TV were two large black and white photographs, both of icy, snow covered landscapes. They were surrounded by black wooden frames that had tiny paper flowers attached to the bottom corners of them. The flowers matched the blue, purple and green from the pillows and painting.

I looked at her and raised my eyebrows in question while she shrugged and nodded again.

"The pictures are of my parents' yard. They have a really big piece of property out back behind the house. I decorated the frames a bit to add some colour."

"Wow," I muttered to myself. The flowers were hand cut, painted to match the pillows and had a small white pearl in the centre of each of them. Between the painting and this and the obvious attention to detail she had with both of them it was easy to see that she had talent. But she was being way too modest about it.

"You're pretty talented," I told her, watching as her face softened into a sweet smile and her blush returned.

"Thank you. I just... like art. Especially painting."

She shook her head slightly as if to clear it. I was glad to notice that she did seem to have towelled off her hair a bit - it moved with her rather than clinging to her face.

"I brought this out for your hair, in case you needed it," she said as she held out the white towel she was holding and then eyed my hair with a small frown.

I reached up and ran my hand through it a bit nervously, feeling that it was practically dry, even though it shouldn't have been. At the temperature my body runs, it never stays wet long.

"I'm fine, thanks," I said quietly and watched as she nodded curiously. She seemed to contemplate something for a couple of seconds and then turned to place the towel on coffee table.

"Can I make you some coffee or tea?"

_Hmm tea. _The only thing I could think about when she mentioned making tea was the amazing combination of peppermint tea and _her_.

_I have to try it. Now that I know how she tastes... knowing how the tea tastes and imagining the two together could be the stuff that dreams are made of._

"Um, yeah. You like peppermint, right? Is that what you're making?"

"Yes, but I have other flavours if you want something different. And I have instant coffee."

"Peppermint tea sounds great. I'd like to try it."

She smiled at the floor again and nodded, then turned away from me and walked into the kitchen. I frowned a bit, because there were two entrances to the kitchen, but I was directly in front of one of them. Rather than walk past me or ask me to move she opted to go the long way around.

_She must be nervous with me up here. I can't really blame her for that. She doesn't need to be... but there's no way for her to know that._

I decided to move over to the couch and sit while I waited for her. As I listened to the soft sounds of her setting a kettle on the stove and getting other things out of the cupboards I glanced down at the magazines on the table. There were only three, but they told me volumes about her. The top one was an older addition of NY Arts. It was showing signs of wear in the spine and I could see that more than a few of the pages were dog eared at the top and bottom – it was obviously one she looked to a lot.

The one under it was a recent copy of Rolling Stone. I glanced up and noticed a small portable radio with an mp3 docking station in it next to her TV. Under it was a shelf full of CD's. I scanned the titles quickly and noticed that she wasn't lying when she said that she had an eclectic taste in music. There was everything from classical to pop to rock in there. I briefly wondered what kind of things I'd find on her mp3 player then turned my attention back to the third and by far most interesting magazine in the pile.

I pulled it out a bit to verify that it was actually what I thought it was. I had to say that I was more than a bit surprised by this one. She didn't seem like the type of girl who would read it. Just then Olivia wandered back around the corner to ask if I was hungry for a snack. I looked up and caught her staring at me a bit wide eyed at the magazine that I had between my fingers.

"It was Amber's," she murmured out, obviously noticing my mildly confused expression. "She left it here last week when she came over to tutor me."

Amber? Well that made a lot more sense. I'd only met her once, but I could tell that this was definitely a lot more up her alley. She seemed like she could make use of the feature "50 Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Land You a Man". Honestly, she could use a few pointers. When we'd met at Spikes the other day, she'd been really obvious about being interested, but not in a good way. It wasn't that she used any cheesy pick up lines or anything, she just walked up and introduced herself, starting a conversation – while bending over the table and angling herself so that I could see her chest while she batted her eyelashes at me. It was kind of over the top, and even though some guys would have gone for it because she looked good, I was never one of those types.

I didn't really want to mention anything about that to Olivia, though. Amber was her friend and insulting her while mentioning that she tried to pick me up would definitely be counter-productive, so I just nodded with a smile and muttered 'oh' before placing the magazine back down on the table.

Olivia approached the table quietly and set down a small plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies just as the kettle began to whistle in the kitchen. I nibbled on one as she poured the tea in the kitchen. Not surprisingly, it was really good. The cookies were slightly chewy, not raw just soft in the centre. And she used chocolate chunks instead of chocolate chips. That's right, chunks instead of chips – just the way I liked them. I sighed and gazed around the small and tidy apartment happily.

_Is there anything about this girl that I won't like?_

I doubted it.

She walked back into the room carrying two mismatched steaming mugs. I rose from my seat and took one from her, inhaling peppermint and the sweet scent of her with a smile.

"Thanks," I said, while settling back down in my seat on the right side of the couch. "Those cookies are great, by the way. Did you make them?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

She smiled shyly and nodded. "It's my grandmother's recipe. Chewy chocolate chunk... she says that chunks are better than chips because they add more texture." She shrugged. "I just like the way they taste."

"I think you're both right," I said and reached for a second one. I offered it to Olivia first, who took it from me gently with a smile and small 'thank you', before grabbing another one for myself. As I took a bite and settled back in my seat I noticed that she was still standing on the opposite side of the table, tea in one hand and cookie in the other, staring at the opposite side of the couch with a pensive look on her face.

I was just about to ask her what she was thinking about when a flash of lightning lit the room and thunder clapped loudly making her jump a bit on the spot and glance toward the window. After the thunder faded her eyes drifted to the large chair beside the window, in the corner of the room – and then so did she.

I frowned a bit to myself when she turned her back to me and walked the few feet over to the chair. She curled up on the chair, folding her jean clad legs underneath her, placing the cookie down on the arm of the chair and wrapping both of her small hands around the large mug.

I made sure that I wasn't outwardly frowning by the time she looked up at me, but on the inside I had to admit that I was disappointed. I was hoping that she would sit next to me, and we could drink tea and talk and that maybe I'd get to hold her hand a bit more or brush her hair behind her ear when it fell into her face and covered her eyes like it was doing now. But she'd put a lot of distance between us by sitting across the room. We could still talk and drink tea, but touching her was out of the question. Which led me to wonder...

_Do I make her _that _nervous being up here? _

And then I got to thinking that I probably did. I mean, I was pretty sure that she didn't invite people up here often, least of all guys. And I did remember her telling me that she was really shy and got nervous easily after we kissed downstairs.

I glanced up at her again to find her picking apart her cookie, while her mug sat in her lap with her other hand wrapped around it. Her brows were pinched together again and she wasn't eating the cookie. It was like she was mining for chocolate chunks.

_Aw crap, _I mumbled to myself, _she is nervous. Just look at her. Way to go, Seth. _

For the first time ever, the silence between us was awkward, and I had a feeling that it was my fault.

I didn't want things to be awkward, and I didn't want her to feel nervous around me – ever.

I took a deep breath as quietly as I could and let it out through my nose, just to settle my own nerves. I didn't like seeing her nervous. It made me edgy. And wanting to fix the problem became an itch that I needed to scratch before I started to squirm.

_Just relax and go with the flow, Seth. _I told myself. We'd had a great date, shared a mind blowing kiss and now I was up in her apartment seeing a whole other part of her life that I didn't think I'd get to see for quite a while. At least, I hoped to get to see it.

_Yeah, ok. Wanting her to sit next to me is kind of selfish considering all of the other great things that have happened today, _I told myself.

_Right. Time to break the awkward silence._

"I had a great time this afternoon," I said quietly and smiled at her when her head snapped up and she looked at me with surprise.

"Really?" she asked, and then shook her head as if to clear it. "I mean," she paused and inhaled deeply before continuing, "So did I."

I smiled.

"I'm glad."

She smiled back, and then tension melted as we both took a sip of our tea – which was really good by the way. Very minty, but not as overdone as I thought it was going to be. I was afraid it would be like sipping on a liquid candy cane, but it was more subtle than that. I liked it.

"What do you think?" she asked, eyeing my mug as I set it down.

"It's good. Not as strong as I thought it would be."

"Mmm," she hummed around her mug while her eyes fluttered closed and she took a long sip. "I didn't let it steep very long. It takes some getting used to when it's strong."

"Do you like it stronger than that?" I asked curiously, and thought back to the times I'd seen her drinking it at Spikes. The scent was stronger both times than it was today, which is probably why I expected the flavour to be a bit less subtle than it was.

"Mm hmm," she hummed around her mug again, "I usually leave the bag in. But it's good like this too. Especially for dipping cookies," she murmured before taking a large piece of the cookie off of the arm of the chair and dipping it in the tea.

I nodded and shifted forward, suddenly glad for a few different reasons that I could lean forward and grab another one. First of all, the cookies were great, and dipping them in the tea, mixing the chocolate with the mint sounded like an excellent idea.

Secondly... I really needed to change positions a bit. It was just... the way she hummed so quietly around that mug, all breathy and deep with her big blue eyes fluttering closed, not once, but twice, I – _fuck_. It made me think of things I probably shouldn't have been thinking after our first date, in her apartment, especially after seeing that she was so nervous inviting me up there.

She was just so beautiful, and soft and sweet and so were her little noises. And the way she was curled up on that chair like a kitten just made me want to curl up with her, around her, beside her, next to her, just... wherever she _wanted _me to be.

But then I remembered that she wanted me to be across the room. She'd chosen it, instead of sitting next to me. And that was reminder enough that I needed to stop thinking like that and focus on what I really wanted out of our first date. I just wanted to spend time with her and get to know her better. The rest... well if it came later, after our fifteenth or fiftieth date, then I'd be the happiest guy on earth. For now, this was more than enough.

I changed the subject away from tea to school then, asking her when her final exam was for the math course she was taking. It cleared my head and got her talking about something and sipping quietly from the mug, which helped a lot.

"Do you think you'll be ready?" I asked after she admitted with a grimace that it was in a week and half. She didn't seem very confident about it, but she shouldn't have been worried. I'd seen what she could do, and as long as she remembered her formulas and to follow order of operations, she'd be fine.

"I hope so," she answered tentatively and then shook her head slowly. "I'm not sure that I can remember everything. I usually need a lot of practice with math before it really starts to sink in."

I grinned into my mug. "Want some help with that? I've been told that I'm really good tutor..." I trailed off, leaving my suggestion hanging in the air and hoping like hell that she's take it.

"Oh, um..." her mouth twitched up into a small smile and she shrugged with one shoulder. "You don't have to do that, Seth. Won't you be busy with moving and everything?"

I shook my head no and answered her honestly. "Quil, one of the guys from the res, is driving up my stuff tomorrow morning. It's not much, just my bed and some clothes, and a few other things. Nessie said she'd go shopping with me tomorrow morning to pick out the rest." I shrugged. "It's a really small apartment, so there's not much to do."

She nodded and frowned at her cup.

"I thought you'd be going home to get your things yourself," she murmured.

_Wait, why is she frowning? Does she want me to go home? _

I'd thought about going myself, but I honestly couldn't leave her for that long. I was antsy just leaving her overnight the last couple of days, even though I was patrolling around her building. So I talked to Quil about it while he was on patrol last night and he told me not to worry, that he'd stop by my mom's and get everything I need and then drive it up here for me.

"I just thought you'd want to see your mom and your sister to say goodbye," she said after glancing up at me, obviously reading the confusion on my face.

_Oh. Mom and Leah. Well, they understand..._

"Well, Quil and Jake are really good friends and he wanted to come up and see how he was settling in anyways." I explained somewhat truthfully. "And I..." I trailed off, trying to think of an excuse to give her about not going home that didn't make me sound like an insensitive son and brother for not wanting to go back home, when really all I could think of to finish that sentence was...

_I can't leave you for that long._

_I just found you and I don't want to let you go – even for a day._

_I need to be near you, because not being near you is too hard. It's too soon._

But I couldn't tell her any of that. So I told her the next best thing I could think of, instead.

"I also have to stop by the Dean's office tomorrow and find out when I'm taking the admissions test."

It was sort of true. I did need to find that out, and now that I'd told her that I would go tomorrow, I would. I didn't _have_ to go tomorrow... but it was probably best that I did, so I could prepare for it.

"Oh right, the GED," she said and nodded her head. "Are you sure you're going to have time to study with me, Seth?" she asked quietly while her eyebrows pinched together with concern. "You need to study too, don't you?"

I smiled again, loving the fact that she was thinking of me.

"Yeah, I do. But... what if we studied together? I could use the math review for the test anyway," I suggested, suddenly getting a picture together in my mind of her and I spending the next week and half together during our spare time, with books and peppermint tea and smiles like the one she was giving me now. And if I was lucky, maybe I could hold her hand and kiss her a little more during breaks...

I have to say – I loved her reaction to my suggestion.

She was still holding her mug but had completely relaxed into her chair. Her hair was mostly dry now and luckily she had pushed it over her ear on one side so I could see her face clearly. But the best part about what I saw when I looked at her was her eyes. They were always the best part. They sparkled a bit and danced back and forth between mine as she smiled. She was happy and that made my heart soar.

_I did that._

"Ok, I think I'd like that," she said.

"Me too," I said just as another very bright flash of lightning burst through the room. Thunder cracked loudly enough to rattle the windows a bit and when the flash of lightning died out - we were left in the dark.

I heard her gasp, and her heartbeat pick up a bit. We sat there for a couple of seconds and I watched her carefully as her eyes adjusted to the dark. Mine didn't need to adjust, I could see perfectly in any light.

She gripped her mug tightly. The hand that had been sitting on the arm of her chair gripped onto the seam. Her eyes widened and she swallowed – thickly.

_Shit, _I mumbled mentally. _This isn't good. _

It was really dark out. So dark that I was willing to bet that she could barely see. Between the storm and the fact that it was probably around seven o'clock by then, the sky was as black as midnight.

She got up suddenly and felt around for the window ledge to place her mug down. It didn't escape my notice that she was trembling.

_Damn it. I'm sure the last thing she was expecting was to be stuck up here with me in the dark._

Her cup made a little clanging sound as she misjudged the height of the ledge a bit and bumped it with the bottom of her cup. She took a deep breath and stilled for a second, trying to gather her wits a bit, I guessed.

A second later she was trying to place her mug on the ledge again and managed to do it without banging it against the edge. But then her hand shook again, and the cup rattled against one of the small candleholders there, making her jump and squeak.

"Olivia," I said softly, "are you alright?"

She took a deep breath and shook her head, then grimaced at herself when she realized that I shouldn't have been able to see her do it.

"Um, n-no," she whispered. It was almost desperate. "I hate the dark. But I – I have matches – and candles," she muttered as she started to feel around a bit.

"Ok. Where are they?" I asked.

"On the ledge, near the- oh!" Lightning flashed, thunder crashed again and it startled her. She put one of her palms up to her chest over her heart which was thumping quickly and loudly in my ears.

And then I just couldn't take sitting anymore. I rose from my spot on the couch and grabbed the pack of matches which were on the ledge on my side of the room, and then I stepped towards her slowly.

"Seth?" she asked in a whisper as her eyes wheeled around a bit in my direction. They didn't stop and land on where I was standing, though. I was right, she couldn't see me.

"It's ok. I found the matches. Just a second." I pulled a match out of the pack and scraped it against the strike strip on the back. I leaned to my left toward the ledge, and lit one of the candles.

"There," I whispered as I set it down. I peered down into her relieved face and listened as her heart slowed down a bit. "Better?"

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Yes."

She opened her eyes then and turned toward me. I was surprised to feel her hand slip softly into mine. I turned it a bit and wove our fingers together.

"Thank you," she whispered. "You must think I'm crazy..." she took a deep breath and looked up at me warily, "but I really do hate being in the dark."

I shook my head at her. I had to admit that it wasn't very common for people our age to be afraid of the dark, but it wasn't unheard of. And it was definitely fear she felt. She wasn't exaggerating. I could sense it, smell it. She definitely wasn't lying when she said she hated it.

"That's ok," I replied, squeezing her fingers gently in mine. "Is that why you have so many candles?"

She nodded. "I have them everywhere, just in case."

I looked down into her eyes and took in her face as orange glow of the candlelight flickered over it. Her skin looked soft and warm, almost like it was glowing. It looked like I felt when we kissed earlier. Just... all lit up.

_God, but she's gorgeous, _I couldn't help thinking. Her long black hair flowed down both sides of her heart-shaped face, her high, soft cheekbones were just a bit flushed with pink, her sparkling blue eyes looked almost lavender, and her full lips looked soft, dark and very inviting...

But I wasn't going to kiss her. Not up here in her apartment with her feeling nervous and the room black as night around us. I wasn't sure why, but it seemed like it would be a lot more intense under these circumstances and I wanted to keep things lighter if I could. I mean, we were in her apartment, in the middle of a blackout, and she wasn't comfortable in the dark. It would be a douchebag sort of move and I'm not that kind of guy. I just wanted to be close to her.

So when the lightning flashed again, and she gazed outside at it and the rain fell in sheets while the thunder rumbled in the distance, I smiled at her and lifted our joined hands above her head, near my chin, and slowly spun her towards the window. Then I lowered them down, and because my right hand was joined with her left one, they were wrapped around her waist, mine on her right side, hers on the left. I held still for a few seconds and let her adjust.

"Is this ok?" I whispered, staring out at the falling rain.

She nodded and whispered her answer, "Yes."

"I love watching storms," I said quietly as the night lit up with another flash in the sky. "Leah and I used to count the seconds between the lightning strikes and the claps of thunder together when we were kids, trying to figure out how far away the storm clouds were."

"I didn't know you could do that."

"Mm hm. The ratio is about one second per mile. So," I said as the lightning flashed again, "that one would be..." I trailed off counting in my head. One, two, three, four, five -

"Five miles?" she asked as the thunder began to rumble.

I chuckled under my breath and squeezed her hand a bit.

"Exactly. I think that's the first time anyone ever agreed with me. Leah and I always spent the entire time arguing over a second difference ahead or behind."

Olivia laughed under her breath and shook her head.

"How is it possible to count the seconds differently?"

"Oh it was never the counting that was the problem. It was the echo. The thunder used to echo off of the cliffs around First Beach, and because we lived so close to it we would always fight over who heard the _actual_ thunder and not just the echo, first." I shook my head at the memories of her and I sitting out on our small back porch.

_You'll always here the thunder first, Seth, not the echo. There has to be some kind of sound _to_ echo first._

_Whatever, Leah. I still say that the echo between those cliffs is louder than the actual thunder, so we hear that first._

It was a never ending argument. We'd probably still have the same one today if this storm had happened at home and we were both there for it.

"Do you like having a sister?" she asked suddenly.

Huh. Funnily enough I didn't think I'd ever been asked that. Then again, everyone back home knew Leah and her personality quirks well enough to know that the answer to that question could change based on her mood any day.

Still... I did love my sister. Or should I say, sisters...

"I sort of have two, actually. Leah's my biological sister and Bella, Charlie's daughter, is technically my step sister."

"Really?"

"Yep. I don't usually see Bella like that though, because we didn't grow up together or anything. My mom and Charlie just got married a couple of years ago, and by then Bella was already married with a family of her own."

"Oh," she said quietly. "So... did you ever wish that you had a brother instead?"

"Not really. I'm really close with the guys on the res, and since I'm one of the youngest in the group they were kind of there for me while I grew up over the last few years. They're like the brothers I never had."

"That sounds really nice," she said quietly.

"It is, most of the time," I admitted. Being Leah's brother was a bit challenging sometimes, and being related to Bella and the Cullen's sometimes presented some interesting obstacles for family get-togethers. And then the pack mind and general craziness of the wolves kind of drove us all nuts at times but I still wouldn't have traded any of it. I loved my family and friends.

"Did you ever miss it? I mean, did you ever wish you weren't an only child?" I asked, wondering if she wished to have siblings when she was little or a sister to talk with when she grew up. I couldn't really imagine growing up in a house with just me and my mom and dad. Leah was a pain in the ass sometimes, but it was still nice having her around when she wasn't being one. Not to mention the fact that Olivia said that she didn't have many friends. I'd always had someone around to keep me company. I couldn't imagine what that was like for her.

"All the time," she answered quietly. "It's kind of hard being alone sometimes. I'm shy but... I still like to have company."

My phone beeped in my pocket then, startling us both a bit. I slid it out with my free hand and flipped it open to see a text from Jake.

_You rang? Everything ok? _

I used my thumb to type a quick message back.

_Yeah. Need a ride._

"It's Jake," I told Olivia. "He saw the missed call."

She nodded just as my phone rang.

"Hey man," I answered after seeing Jake's name on the screen.

"Sorry about the missed call, Seth. Ness and I couldn't decide on which series we wanted to watch at home, so we decided to catch a movie at the theatre instead. I guess we lost reception in the theatre when the storm started."

"It's ok. I was just calling for a ride. Are you and Nessie on your way home?"

"We are now. The power cut out half way through the movie and hasn't come back on yet, so they gave us vouchers to come back another night. Where are you?"

"Um, well, I'm at Olivia's actually. She invited me up to wait out the storm..." I trailed off there, hoping that I didn't have to spell out why I needed a ride after explaining where I was and why I was there.

"Oh shit," Jake muttered under his breath. "Sorry, Seth," he said again. "We're on our way." He seemed to get what a big deal that would be to Olivia without me having to tell him. I heard Nessie ask him what was wrong after he cursed and apologized to me and then listened as he told her that we got caught in the storm and that I was up in Olivia's apartment waiting it out. A split second later, Nessie was on the phone.

"Is the power out over there too, Seth?" she asked worriedly.

"Yeah, it is," I answered.

"So you two are up there in the dark?"

"Sort of. We've got a candle going, so it's not too bad."

She sighed and I could practically see her frowning through the phone.

"Can I talk to Olivia?"

"Um, sure," I said, wondering what Nessie would want to talk to her about.

I held the phone out and Olivia glanced up at me, questioning the gesture with her eyes.

"It's Nessie. She wants to talk to you," I whispered.

"Oh," she whispered back and wrapped her slender fingers around the phone before bring it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey Olivia," I heard Nessie say through the phone. Another benefit of having wolf ears was that I didn't have to wonder what conversations like these were all about. I could hear every word Nessie was saying on the other end of the line.

"Hi Nessie," Olivia said shyly.

"I'm sorry we weren't available to take Seth off your hands earlier. We decided to go to the theatre instead of watching movies at home."

"That's ok," Olivia replied quietly. "He's been keeping me company though the storm."

"Good. Do you want me to come up and stay with you a bit when we get there if the power hasn't come back on so you won't be by yourself?"

Olivia smiled and so did I. Nessie didn't have many people in her life to call friends outside of her family and the packs, but she was really good to the friends she did have. I was very grateful for her offer. I didn't like the idea of leaving Olivia up here alone in the middle of a strong storm like this one.

"Thanks, Nessie. That... um, that would be nice."

"Ok, great. We'll see you in a bit. Traffic's heavy because the lights are out, so every intersection we cross in town is a four way stop. It might take us a little longer than usual."

"Ok," Olivia replied.

"Tell Seth we'll be there as soon as we can."

"I will. Thank you."

"Bye, Olivia."

"Bye," she whispered and closed the phone.

She cleared her throat and handed the phone back to me with a small smile.

"Nessie said they'll be here soon. She said she'd come up and keep me company until the storm is over."

"That's great," I said while pocketing my phone.

"It was really nice of her to offer..." Olivia mumbled, trailing off as if she had something to add.

I leaned down and around a bit, gently hugging her back to my chest as I did it, craning so that I could see her face. She looked hesitant. I raised an eyebrow at her in question when I caught her eye.

"But..." I prompted.

"But I'm really comfortable the way I am," she murmured boldly. My eyes widened in surprise and I grinned.

"Me too," I replied honestly and leaned back to my position from before, only this time there was a slight change. I raised my free hand and ran it lightly down her left arm, over her elbow and skimmed over her forearm and wrist. She shivered and my breath caught as my hand lightly clasped hers over her stomach. I held her to me gently and lay my chin down on the top of her head, breathing her in.

_This is heaven, _I thought as the sweetest most amazing girl I'd ever known relaxed against me and let me hold her in my arms. _What are the odds of me getting this lucky? It's like... the odds of winning the lottery... or getting struck by-_

And just then the room filled up as a flash of light dashed across the sky, thunder clapping loudly at exactly the same time. I felt like the sky was trying to send me a message. Like there was a big billboard out there, complete with flashing lights that said, 'Yes, you hit the jackpot with this one, Seth, you lucky bastard!' But they didn't need to. I knew exactly how lucky I was and I was definitely not going to question it.

She jumped a bit at the bright flash of light and I snuggled her just the tiniest bit closer, loving the way she felt in my arms. Her shoulders were brushing lightly against my chest with every breath she took, our arms were draped over her tiny waist, hands clasped, my thumbs now folded under hers making slow, wide circles against her palms. I kept our lower halves separated, giving myself at least an inch of space from her, because if I didn't, she'd definitely feel what being this close to her did to my body – right against the small of her back.

"It must be right on top of us now," she murmured.

"Probably," I whispered back, smiling a bit at the fact that she was still counting the seconds between lighting and thunder claps in the back of her mind like I was. There was no distance between them at all the last time. We were definitely smack dab in the middle of the storm at that point.

We stayed that way for a while, just standing there silently watching the rain fall and the storm roll through. She didn't jump at the last few flashes of lightning or claps of thunder. As a matter of fact, everything about her seemed relaxed. Nothing could have made me happier at that point. Nothing.

I sighed to myself and closed my eyes, trying to memorize the way she felt in my arms, knowing that I'd think about it after I left... on the ride home... all night and most of the day tomorrow. As a matter of fact, this moment in time would probably be all I'd want to think about until I got to see her again. And then I frowned because it didn't look like I'd get to see her tomorrow. She had class from eight until two and then started the shift that she switched Amber for at two-thirty. She was only working until seven because the store was still on early closing hours for the summer until the end of the week, but she'd probably be tired and wanting to get back home by then. Maybe calling her would be the best option...

A sudden soft knock on the door startled us both out of our thoughts. I glanced down at Olivia as I felt her turn her body around a bit towards the door, which was behind us. She looked startled and confused.

"Were you expecting someone?" I murmured. It wasn't Jake or Nessie, I knew that much. I'd recognize their scents if it were. I inhaled deeply, but tried to be discreet about it so she wouldn't think I was weird, just sniffing the air around us. The scent was somewhat familiar, but I couldn't place it – definitely not Jake and Ness. Besides, they'd have to be buzzed into the building when they got there, so whoever this was most likely came from another room in the building.

Olivia shook her head no.

"I have no idea..."

"Olivia?" the voice attached to the person behind the door called. And immediately I tensed, because even if I didn't recognize the scent, I did recognize the voice – it belonged to bagel-boy. The first thing I did was catalogue that scent into the back of my mind, attach it to a picture of his face and memorized the fucking thing.

"John?" Olivia asked quietly and incredulously as she stepped out of my arms and towards the door.

I took a few seconds to compose my thoughts as she was walking towards the door. Not that there was much to compose. It was the same few things that kept running through my head.

_Shit, I was right. That fucker must live in this building with her._

_How the hell does he know which room she's in? No one's mail boxes are labelled with room numbers downstairs, and judging by her surprised tone of voice she hasn't said anything to him about it either._

Lastly, and most importantly – _What the fuck is doing coming here in the dark, in the middle of a storm?_

Olivia unlocked the door and opened it just an inch or two, leaving her body behind it, but poking her head around so she could see him. I couldn't see him either, but I didn't really give a shit about that at the moment. I was too busy being proud of her for staying cautious and making sure that she kept the door between her and him. I had a feeling that she probably always answered the door like that, based on the fact that she didn't really seem to be bothered by the fact that he was there. That was fine too, even if I wished that she was. I was probably bothered enough for the both of us.

"Hey," he said in an overly friendly and eager tone of voice, obviously sounding glad that she'd opened the door for him. I stayed quiet and hung back, not wanting to alert him to the fact that I was there. I wanted to let this play out and see what he wanted. Somehow I was pretty sure that the story he'd tell her about it would change if he knew I was there.

"Um, hi," Olivia said quietly and somewhat awkwardly. "What – um, what are you doing here?"

"Just coming to see if you were ok, you know, with the black out and everything. Didn't know if you were stuck in the dark or anything, so..." he trailed off. I saw a soft light flicker through the doorway and figured he was waving a flashlight or candle around to emphasize his point. I rolled my eyes. The gesture would have been a nice thing for a friend to do, if he didn't sound so damn eager about her being stuck in the dark. I mean, would it have killed him to fake just a tiny bit of concern into his tone?

_Shithead. _

"Oh, well, I'm fine, actually..." she said and then turned to glance at me over her shoulder, giving me a shy smile, which made me smile broadly in response. She didn't tell him I was there and I was ok with that, even if I wished she had. I wasn't too sure why, though. She seemed like a really private person, so I guessed that it was just that. Still, it would have been nice for me to see his face...

She turned back to the door quickly and decided to ask him a very smart question, which made me proud of her instincts to take care of herself, once again.

"Um... h-how do you know where I live?"

"Oh, right," he said without even a hint of apology. "I bumped into Amber in the hallway last week. She told me she was coming up to tutor you or something. My roommate and I live just down the hall in three twenty-two."

_Shit. Not only does he live in the same building, the asswipe is on the same damn floor? _

"We were just heading back to our place after hanging out in the common room," he continued, "and we ran into Amber right outside your door."

"Oh," was all she said in response.

_Yeah, that about summed it up. Of all the dumb fucking luck bagel-boy could have... _I thought, feeling beyond irritated.

"So anyway, we've got a few flashlights and the power doesn't seem like it's coming back on anytime soon so... do you want to join us? It's just me and my roommate Dan."

_Hell fucking no, she doesn't want to join you and your friend in your _apartment_ in the _dark_ by herself!_

My fingers trembled a bit. This guy was starting to piss me off. Who the fuck asks a girl to come back to their apartment in the middle of a black out to hang out with himself and another strange guy? What the fuck is he playing at?

"Oh, no," she whispered quickly. It didn't escape my notice that her shoulders bunched a bit and heart rate sped up at his suggestion either. That fucker was making her nervous, and I didn't like it one bit. "I'm fine here. I've got some candles so..."

She took a deep breath to calm herself and I took one with her, hoping that he'd take the hint and leave.

"Thank you, though," she murmured politely. "It was nice of you to, um, check up on me."

"Yeah, no problem," he said trying to play it off nonchalantly. But I could definitely hear the small bit of disappointment in his tone, and between that, this little impromptu visit and how he looked at her at Spikes that day, it pretty much confirmed to me that he liked her and was definitely looking to be something more than a friend.

I felt my fingers curl into fists, and took another breath.

"I could hang out here with you, if you want?" he suggested suddenly.

"John, I'm fine, really," she said quietly, "but thank you."

"No, seriously. You shouldn't be hanging out here by yourself in the dark. I'll just-"

I completely lost track of whatever else the asswipe said because that was when I heard his hand come in contact with the door.

I was across the room in the blink of an eye, standing beside a startled Olivia with one hand on the now half-opened door and the other curled into a fist. I was working hard to control the shaking, so it was just vibrating at my side between us.

It wasn't easy, though. I. Was. Pissed.

I stared at the shithead with a raised eyebrow and didn't say a word. I didn't trust myself not to growl in the fucker's face.

He had gently pushed the door open, thereby pushing her back a bit. She didn't fall, she wasn't hurt – she was physically fine, but she was definitely startled and scared. Who the fuck did this guy think he was... just _barging_ into her apartment without her permission like that?

"Oh, uh, um hey, man," he stammered out nervously.

I nodded my head once in his direction, not bothering to introduce myself. "S'up, John?" I said quietly, through a clenched jaw.

His eyes widened as he took in my very still form and the way I'm sure my jaw was flexing beneath my skin as I clenched and unclenched it again and again.

_Stay calm, stay calm, _I chanted to myself. I didn't want her to see me angry. Anger and aggression in guys is intimidating. Anger and aggression in a half man, half wolf can be downright frightening to the average person, and I didn't want to scare her.

He cleared his throat suddenly and relaxed his posture as he glanced from me, to Olivia, who I could see was staring nervously between us, a bit wide eyed and standing very still. Her heart was still beating quickly, but her posture was fairly relaxed, even if she wasn't moving a muscle.

"Not much," he said, trying to play off his own nervousness and act like I didn't intimidate him. He couldn't fool me, though. I could smell the adrenaline rolling off him in waves. "Just checking on my lady friend here, seeing if she needed any help. You know how it is," he said, and then winked in Olivia's direction while smiling at me sardonically.

His use of the term 'lady friend' didn't escape me. I had to give it to him, the guy was brave. Stupid, but brave. He was staking his claim, letting me know he was interested and the fact that he found us here in her apartment together wasn't going to deter him.

"Well, we're doing just fine," I said with a tight-lipped smile of my own.

He turned toward Olivia then and smiled softly, but it didn't reach his eyes. They were still hard with the emotions he was feeling toward me. She must have seen it, or sensed it, because as soon as he caught her gaze, she drew in a soft gasp under her breath. He probably wouldn't have been able to hear it, it was very light, but I did.

"I'm going to head back to my place," he said, nodding in the direction of his place down the hall. He lifted his hand, slowly reaching out for her arm as he continued. I shook from the inside out, heat whispering up my spine as I watched him violate her personal space. I fought with myself not to step in yet. I was there, and if she wanted me to, she'd let me know. Didn't mean I had to like it. I fucking hated it. I wanted to invade his personal space in a big and very painful way. "You know where to find me if you need anything," he finished quietly, as if trying to keep the comment between just the two of them.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Olivia tensed and shook lightly when his fingers made contact with her skin. I would have intervened, because it was really clear that he was making her uncomfortable, but by the time he'd finished his sentence she had taken a large step back and away from his hand. His face fell a bit when she pulled away from him, but he recovered quickly.

"We'll be just fine, thank you," she said in a voice that was surprisingly steady. I felt my lips lift into a small involuntary smile at the strength I heard in her voice. And then the smile widened when she did the one thing that would be more effective in getting him to back off than my kicking his ass would.

I watched his smile morph from sardonic, to chagrined as she slipped her small hand over the fist at my side. The tremors stopped immediately at her touch and my fingers uncurled, stretching out to meet and then intertwine with hers.

On the inside, I was flying again.

We stood there, staring at each other for a few seconds, until he finally nodded in disappointed and jealous acceptance, turned around and started to head down the hall.

"See you around, Olivia," he said when he was a few feet away, not even acknowledging my presence as he left. That was fine by me. I'd just gotten all the acknowledgement I'd ever need from her.

* * *

**We have a jump ahead in time for these two next chapter. Things speed up from there.**

**John's pushy, I know. He's not a bad guy, but he's somewhat aggressive in his approach. Anyone out there ever had a guy pursue them the same way? I have - they are ridiculously hard to convince (when you're tunrning them down). What did you do to let them know you weren't interested?**

**See you soon with the next. We'll get to see a little more of Jake & Nessie in there. (It's already half way done.)**

**~Hitchy**


	10. My Blue

**This one took a little longer than I'd hoped to get out. It's a long one, though, so I hope that makes up for it.**

**Grab a glass of wine, cup of coffee or tea and settle in. **

**No chapter song this time.**

**Many thanks to shepeppy for working her magic and swooning over Seth on this one. **

**SM owns Twilight. I own a eventful evening.**

* * *

**OPOV**

"Here, let me help you with that," Jacob said as I attempted to shuffle out of the back seat of his car with a large framed picture in hand. The frame was big and it was really awkward to handle. He smiled brightly and gently took the picture in his hand from the opposite side, lifting it out of my grip. I took a deep breath and smiled at the floor as I slid the rest of the way across the seat. It was the second time that week that I'd managed to look him in the eye. And I felt victorious. It wasn't that I was completely comfortable around him like I was with Seth, but I wasn't feeling anxious around him all the time, either. I wasn't sure why that was, but it did cross my mind that it might have had something to do with how highly Seth spoke of him. Seth loved Jacob like a brother. How could I not think kindly about him after hearing that?

My newfound courage around Jacob was one of the reasons I accepted Nessie's invitation to ride in the car with them to Seth's apartment. I was going to walk since it was only about ten minutes away, but Nessie called about fifteen minutes before I had planned to leave and said that she and Jake were just leaving campus after dropping off some paperwork. Since I lived on campus and they were already there, they offered to give me ride since we were all going to Seth's that evening.

As I rose out of the car I took a second to look around at the outside of the Nelson's house. Seth's apartment was located right in between the school campus and Jacob and Nessie's house, which I'd visited with him last week. It was a small house covered in yellow siding with white shutters. A white mailbox stencilled with green ivy, and a small wreath of greens and baby's breath on the door were the only decorations of note. Gauzy, sheer, white curtains adorned every window with the exception of the frosted one on the front door. A few low maintenance plants and shrubs littered the flowerbeds below the bottom front windows on either side of the door, and the large lawn looked and smelled like it was freshly cut. I smiled at that. Seth told me on the phone the other night that he'd caught Mr. Nelson, his sixty-plus year old landlord, cutting the grass last week and offered to take the chore over for him.

I sighed and smiled at the freshly cut green blades as I reached out to retrieve the frame from Jake, thinking about just how _incredible _Seth was. It seemed like every good thing I'd thought and hoped about him from the day I'd met him was true – and then some. As we made our way to the side door I heard Nessie comment to Jake about the fact that it looked like Seth had also repaired an eaves trough and the screen door since the last time they'd been there as well.

I sighed again.

_Incredible._

Jacob knocked loudly when we reached the door. I startled a bit and glanced up to see Nessie rolling her eyes at him playfully and Jacob smiling with a small chuckle.

"What? We're a few minutes early and I hear the shower running," he explained.

"I'm sure he could have heard you without all of _that_ racket, Jake," Nessie said somewhat pointedly as Jacob snickered at her.

"Yeah," he said casually with a shrug, "but where's the fun in that?"

Nessie turned to me and rolled her eyes as I fiddled with the hem of my new shirt a bit nervously.

"Boys," she muttered, and I nodded distractedly.

"That shirt's great by the way," Nessie said to me as I picked at it again.

I smiled shyly at her. "You think so?" I asked softly, suddenly feeling really unsure about what I was wearing.

I loved the shirt in the store when I'd tried it on a couple of days ago, but it was just a little more... _snug_ than what I was used to wearing. Amber had said that I looked great in it and suggested that I pair it with my black skinny jeans, which was exactly what I ended up doing. Amber had a good eye for fashion and was always dressed in the latest trends, so I believed her when she said that it looked good but... she also had absolutely _no_ sense of modesty. And I did.

I bought the shirt anyway, though after I decided that I really did like it, and besides that, I really wanted something new to wear for our little get together. I hadn't really dressed up for doing anything with Seth because the majority of our time together over the last couple of weeks had been spent studying. But tonight we were celebrating the B minus I scored on my math exam and Seth passing the GED. And even though we were just going to hang out with Jake and Nessie at Seth's apartment, it was the first time I'd ever been there and since the gathering wasn't study related I really wanted to wear something a bit more special. So I finally accepted Amber's long-standing invite to go shopping and managed to pick out this shirt – which I liked and she said was 'to die for'.

But... I felt a bit exposed in it, now that I was wearing it out in public. It wasn't that I was revealing a lot of skin or anything. The neckline was very wide, but high and cut just under my collar bones. The sleeves cut off just above my elbows and the shirt itself was long, falling just across the top of my thighs. But it was stretchy and it _clung_ – everywhere. It was a bit daring for me, truthfully. It wasn't like I tried to hide myself in my clothes, but I didn't go out of my way to get attention with them either. I knew that this shirt could definitely draw attention to my shape - maybe even, the _wrong kind_ of attention. And that's where my real anxiety about the shirt lay. Although... I hadn't even seen Jacob give me a second glance all afternoon – not that he ever did - which was beyond comforting. He was a guy, just like any other. I was sure that he'd notice if I wore anything that was, well, _too much_.

"It matches your eyes perfectly," Nessie said quietly and reached out to squeeze the hand that was picking nervously at the hem of my shirt. Her warm palm was a soothing reminder of Seth's, which I had been holding at every available opportunity for the past week and half. I had no idea what made their skin so warm, but I found it to be comforting and since it was pleasant and not off-putting, I decided not to question it. Besides, I was typically cold, so it stood to reason that others could be typically warm – right?

I smiled at Nessie and relaxed a bit. She was right about the shirt. The colour was what made me fall in love with it in the store.

"Thanks," I mumbled gratefully just as the door swung open behind her and Jake.

"Hey," said Seth cheerfully "you guys are a bit early. Thanks for waking up the neighbours by the way, Jake. I'm sure they appreciated it," he added sarcastically.

Jacob laughed and I heard the sound of his hand clapping on Seth's arm as he started to walk past him and into the house.

"No problem, man. Just making sure that you heard us over the shower," Jacob said in a knowing voice and then snickered lightly.

"Cute," Seth mumbled as he let Jacob by. His tone led me to believe that something about the loud knocking was some kind of private joke between him and Jake. I certainly didn't get it, but Nessie chuckled under her breath a bit too, so I figured that I must have been missing something.

I looked down once again pulling at the hem of my shirt a bit nervously as Seth greeted Nessie and let her inside.

I lifted my eyes to look at him when I heard Nessie shuffle inside – and felt them freeze about halfway to his face because – _Oh. My. Lord_... he wasn't wearing a shirt.

Over the past couple of weeks I'd seen Seth in a variety of different t-shirts, some loose and some tight enough to hint at the muscle that lay beneath them, but - _wow – _I must have needed a stronger hint, because he was far more... more... just _more_ that I'd ever imagined.

Tanned skin stretched over wiry but taught muscle in his arms, shoulders and chest. And his abs... there were six of them – definitely six. Possibly eight if there were two more hiding below the waist of his dark jeans like the lines and definition above them seemed to suggest. I was a bit dumbfounded by him. He was always so gentle. I'd never once seen him flaunt his strength, but... looking at him like this... it was obvious that he _was_ strong – _very_ strong. I wondered how on earth he managed to be so modest about all of it.

I heard a throat clear lightly, which snapped me out of my musings and had me glancing quickly toward the patio slab walkway at my feet. I suddenly felt like a hypocrite. I had been standing there not even a minute before, worried about attracting attention for showing off my body in this new shirt, and now I'd just clearly been caught ogling Seth.

_But..._ my subconscious piped in quietly, _how could you _help_ it? He's just... gorgeous, _she breathed_._

"Hey," Seth said quietly, taking a half step forward so that he was standing right in front of me.

I took a deep breath and swiftly looked up, making sure that my eyes heads straight for his and didn't stop to ogle his gorgeous, perfect body or smooth tanned skin along the way.

My subconscious snickered at my description of him and I rolled my eyes at myself internally. I sounded like Amber.

"Hi," I said with a small, nervous smile as I glanced into his eyes. I really hoped he hadn't figured out why I was staring at him. I didn't think I'd handle the embarrassment of that well at all.

He smiled back briefly and then his eyes flickered down to my shirt. He reached out a hand to finger the edge of my sleeve lightly. I felt goose bumps rise on my arm just above my elbow where his warm finger passed across it.

"Is this new?" he asked quietly.

I nodded as his eyes travelled back up to mine. They were a very deep brown and a bit wider than usual.

"It looks really good on you," he whispered.

I found myself smiling in shy embarrassment at his compliment. And suddenly my anxiety over my choice of shirt disappeared. He liked it - that was all that really concerned me anyways.

"Thank you," I whispered in return.

He bent down slowly so that his face was just an inch from mine.

"You're welcome," he breathed as my eyes fluttered shut and his lips grazed mine.

I sighed in contentment as he kissed me softly and slowly, just gently nipping at my bottom lip, while his finger still ran along the hem of my sleeve. I loved kissing Seth. He'd kissed me several times since our first date and each time he did, it was always the same; warm, gentle, sweet – and very tender.

I sighed and lifted my free arm to his neck, intent on running my fingers over the collar of his shirt like I had every time we kissed. I would never admit anything like this out loud, but I _loved_ feeling the beat of his pulse just above his collar bone. The first time we'd kissed, my hand had been lying at his collar and my finger just happened to be near the hem, right above his collar bone. And when I felt his pulse through the heat of his skin I realized that his heart was beating almost as quickly as mine. It was such a surprise to me... being able to make his heart race like mine did. I had no idea I could do that. Ever since then, it had become something of a habit. I couldn't believe that _I_ somehow managed to make this perfect guy's heart race that way, but it happened every time, without fail. And this time was no exception, but...

_No shirt! Oh my gosh! No shirt! _I thought frantically as my entire hand came in contact with the smooth warmth of his skin.

In the haze of his sweet kisses, I had somehow completely forgotten that he wasn't wearing a shirt. My hand flew back to my side almost as soon as it had landed on the bare skin at the top of his chest. I pulled back immediately and flushed, unsure of what to say.

He cleared his throat.

"Um, sorry. I was just getting out of the shower," he explained a bit sheepishly. I glanced up apologetically, only to see him smiling down at me light-heartedly. "Come on in," he said, thankfully changing the subject and saving me form the embarrassment of having to explain why I laid my hands on his bare chest.

He pivoted a bit towards the door and swept his hand out in the same direction, inviting me to go first.

Nessie met me on the steps just as I passed through the door.

"Here, let me hold on to that for you," she said with a smile as she carefully took the picture in my hands from me so that I could walk down the stairs and remove my shoes.

Seth glanced from me to the frame in Nessie's hand, like it was the first time that he'd noticed it. It was turned away from him so that he couldn't see the picture, so I was pretty sure that he was wondering what it was. Nessie just winked at him and smirked a bit, before waving him off and telling him to put a shirt on.

He chuckled and smiled at me before following me down into the room and over to a chest of drawers that sat between his bed and a small, white, painted brick fireplace. It seemed to be the dividing piece of furniture between what was his sleeping space and his living space. Because it was a small studio style apartment everything but the bathroom was in one space, not separated by walls. I glanced around, taking the space in, as Seth opened the second drawer from the top and pulled out a grey t-shirt, slipping it over his head.

The walls were a pale yellow, reflecting the early evening light from three small windows, making the small space look bright and cheerful. The kitchen was to my left and housed a small oven, refrigerator, microwave and a few cabinets, all in white. The bathroom was on the same wall as the kitchen, but tucked in to a closed off corner of the large room. There was a thin door separating the two spaces, which I estimated to be either a pantry or linen closet, or both. To my right was a large wrought iron bed with light grey bedding and a small nightstand with a lamp and an alarm clock sitting on it. Farther up along the right wall was the black chest of drawers, and then a few feet after that was the small fireplace. The brick and mantle had been painted white to match the trim on the walls and the cabinets in the kitchen. Opposite the fireplace was a small, black couch and another end table that matched the one beside the bed. In the corner stood a black TV stand and an average sized TV that Jacob was currently channel surfing on.

I breathed a small sigh of relief, knowing that Nessie had been right with her suggestion for the picture. The black and white print with black frame would suit the space well. She'd laid the frame backwards against the unlit fireplace before taking a seat next to Jacob on the couch so I couldn't see it to compare properly, but I was still feeling much better about it after seeing the space.

"So," Seth said as he wandered back to where I was standing, "this is where I live."

"It's really cozy down here," I said truthfully. I was expecting it to feel darker or claustrophobic or more... _basement-like_, but it didn't, really. It was bright, cheery and... well, cozy, just like I'd said. It seemed to suit Seth perfectly.

"I'm glad you like it," Seth said with a warm smile.

I glanced over towards the picture and nodded in its direction.

"That's for you. It's a housewarming gift," I said shyly, suddenly feeling nervous butterflies about what he'd think. "I hope you like it."

He looked down at me and shook his head with a small smile. "You didn't have to get me anything."

I shrugged. "I wanted to."

He nodded and walked over to where it was propped up. I followed him and folded my hands together in front of me, trying to keep them busy so they wouldn't shake with nerves.

He lifted it and spun it around with his thumb and his forefinger and then stared at it quietly for a moment. I held my breath and searched his expression for his opinion.

"You made this for me?" he mumbled quietly, still staring at it intently.

I nodded because my throat and mouth were feeling bone dry with nerves. Talking wasn't really an option at that point. My nerves made sure of that.

"How did you..?" he trailed off as he lifted a finger to trace a line in the water.

I swallowed thickly and whispered my explanation.

"Jake had a picture. Nessie found it and let me borrow it to make a copy."

He nodded and used his finger to trace a line of one of the rock outcroppings gently.

He still hadn't said whether he liked it or not, and I was starting to get really anxious about his opinion. Maybe I'd made the wrong choice.

"You mentioned one day, when we were talking about La Push, that you missed the beach the most," I murmured in explanation. "So I thought that..." I trailed off as he turned towards me.

"I love it," he whispered. He glanced back at the picture and then over to me again wearing an expression of both gratitude and confusion. "How did you manage to get this done? Between work and studying and class, where did you find the time?" he asked and took one of my hands in his free one.

It was true, I'd been very busy, and he knew it. I honestly didn't have a lot of time on my hands over the last week and a half or so, but I made sure to make time for this. I would never be too busy to take a couple of hours out to have a gift made for him. I shrugged with one shoulder and shook my head.

"I didn't have to do much," I explained.

He nodded back and smiled the sweetest smile I think I'd ever seen cross his face, which of course made me smile in return. He leaned forward slowly and then kissed the corner of my jaw, right below my ear, making me shiver.

"Thank you," he whispered and kissed me one more time before straightening up.

I ducked my head and peeked over to my left at Jacob and Nessie who were trying very hard to ignore our little exchange and pay attention to the television. Seth's gaze followed my own. He chuckled lightly, squeezed my hand and let it go. As he stepped forward to place the picture on top of the mantle I breathed a small sigh of relief. I was really thankful that he seemed to understand that public displays of affection weren't really all that comfortable for me. I didn't mind holding his hand or hugging him in public, but anything beyond that made me feel a bit self conscious, like people were watching us.

The doorbell chimed as soon as he set the painting down. He turned toward the staircase with an excited smile on his face.

"That'll be the food," Seth said. As he headed toward the staircase, I looked around for a place to sit. The couch had room for one more beside Nessie, but then Seth would be stuck on the floor by himself. There was a soft looking black area rug on the laminate floor beneath the coffee table so I took a seat there, opposite the couch. I glanced up to find Nessie smiling at me brightly. Her brown eyes were sparkling kindly as she cast me a knowing look.

"I told you he'd love it," she mouthed slowly, and I nodded in agreement. I was feeling pretty relieved that she was right and that I'd made the right choice.

Seth came down the stairs carrying two large paper bags and one small plastic one. I looked around, wondering where he was going to set it down and suddenly realized that he didn't have a dining area. He walked over the kitchen, set the bags down on the counter and started pulling out containers. I got up and walked over to him while asking if he needed help.

"Sure," he agreed. "Would you mind grabbing the plates? They're in the second cupboard from the right... I think," he mused. I nodded and laughed under my breath, remembering misplacing quite a few things when I first moved into my apartment in the dorm building. It took a while to get used to being in a new place.

As I stretched to reach the plates, he grabbed forks, spoons, knives and glasses and set them out as well. I would have been quicker to get them, but they were on the second shelf, which was pretty high, and I had to stand on my toes to reach.

By the time we'd gotten it all laid out Jacob and Nessie had wandered over.

"What are we having?" Nessie said, peering at the containers.

"Thai," Seth said as he glanced at me with a pointed smile.

I smiled back widely, feeling really touched that he remembered my favourite type of food. He'd asked me about it the first day we met and in almost two whole weeks he hadn't forgotten, even though I'd never mentioned it again.

We set to work piling up our plates with an assortment of Thai dishes and then at Seth's direction brought them over to the living room area. He set his plate down on the coffee table and pulled out two TV trays for Jacob and Nessie, while I took to the floor again and set my plate on the coffee table next to his.

Once we were all settled we began eating. I took a bite of the Pad Thai and hummed lightly in appreciation. It was just the right balance of sweet and salty with a kick of spice.

_Yum._

Seth glanced over at me while I hummed around my first bite in appreciation and chuckled. "Good?"

I ducked my head a bit, slightly embarrassed that I hadn't managed to enjoy my food quietly enough not to attract attention, and nodded with a smile.

"It's my favourite," I explained, "and this one's _really_ well done."

He smiled and took a bit of his, nodding in agreement.

I glanced over at our friends on the couch and caught Nessie poking at her food a bit, pushing it around her plate, rather than eating. I was suddenly worried that maybe Thai food wasn't something that she liked, and I felt badly because i knew that Seth had probably ordered it because of me. But before I could open my mouth and ask her what was wrong, Jacob reached into his pocket and pulled out a few small packets of something, laying them on her tray beside her plate with a smile.

She immediately perked up and beamed at him.

I watched the small exchange curiously, wondering what sort of condiment could make her that happy. I glanced at the tiny packets as she ripped one of them open and I took my next bite of food.

_Hmmm, hot sauce. It's already pretty spicy..._ I thought to myself, but didn't wonder about it any further when I saw how much she was enjoying her food after that.

I smiled down at my plate, thinking about what a great friend Jacob was to Nessie. He was always doing little things like that to look out for her. Just last week when Seth and I were over at their house before heading to the movies with them, Jacob picked a romantic comedy for us to see because he remembered that Nessie liked the trailer they'd seen the week before when they were at the theatre the day of Seth's and my first date. And before we left, when she couldn't reach the hat she'd wanted to wear at the back of the hall closet's shelf, he'd reached up and grabbed it for her without even being asked. He really seemed like a really nice guy, and a great friend to have – very much like Seth.

_Yep, _my subconscious said slyly, _Seth is a great _friend.

I frowned a bit to myself as we continued to eat and the three others talked about board games that we could play after supper. Seth _was_ a very good friend to me, it was true. I was just feeling a bit unsure about whether or not that was _all_ that we were. We'd kissed every time we'd seen each other since our first date, and had gone out on two more casual dates since, not including all of the time we spent studying together. That didn't seem like friendship. Kissing and dating definitely deemed like something more than that for me.

But... the problem was that I didn't date, and I didn't have friends to talk to about dating, so I was kind of clueless about whether or not this was normal... to kiss and hold each other from time to time, just as _friends or _maybe as friends who were considering being more_. _I had no idea what the protocol was. At what point did we stop classifying each other as friends and start classifying each other as something else? Did Seth even want to classify me as something else? I had no idea. It seemed like he did but... I wasn't sure. He'd never said anything about it_. _It was kind of confusing. I just wasn't really sure what we were to each other.

"What do you think, Olivia?" Seth asked suddenly.

I blinked a few times, startled out of my thoughts by the sound of my name.

"Sorry," I said and smiled apologetically for zoning out and not paying attention. "What do I think about what?"

"Pictionary," Nessie said with a sly smile. "Boys against girls."

Seth and Jake both scoffed a bit at that, although I couldn't figure out why. I thought it was a great idea. So I nodded tentatively and then looked over to Seth to make sure that he was ok with my decision.

He smiled and nodded his head before turning to Jacob. "I think we're going to need to bring our A-game for this one, bro."

Jake nodded and glanced at the painting on the mantle. "Yep, we've got our work cut out for us."

I ducked my head as I shook it lightly in disagreement and embarrassment.

"Come on, Olivia. Let's get the food cleaned up while the boys set up the game and settle their nerves," she chuckled and picked up both hers and Jacob's empty plates.

Nessie combined all of the left-over food into containers and put it away in Seth's fridge while I washed the dishes. The boys had the game set up on the table by the time we were done. Seth and Jacob took the floor and left the couch to Nessie and I.

An hour and a half and a lot of friendly competition later, Nessie and I claimed a victory. It was a lot of fun playing. I hadn't really played group games like that before, unless you counted playing bridge at the senior's home during my volunteer days or playing games with my parents and sometimes their friends and kids from the church community. Jacob and Seth were being silly and competitive, while Nessie was busy rolling her eyes and cracking jokes at them for it. I just sort of watched and played along with a smile.

Once the game was cleaned up, Jacob and Nessie decided to head home. I frowned a bit because they were my ride and that meant that I would be going, too. I would have loved to have stayed longer, but I wasn't going to protest. That wouldn't have been fair of me. It was really nice of them to offer me a ride in the first place.

So as they headed for their shoes by the stairway, I got up from the couch and prepared to say my goodbye's to Seth. He rose from the floor and stepped in front of me, taking both of my hands in his. I glanced up, giving him a small sad smile, not really ready to leave for the evening.

"Can you stay?" he murmured quietly, while rubbing his large thumbs over the back of my hands lightly.

I found myself blinking in surprise again as I stared into his dark eyes. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why it seemed like they were _pleading_ with me. Was he really that sad to see me go so soon?

"Um," I muttered unintelligently as I thought about it. If I stayed then I'd have no ride home. I could walk, but it was already dark. Besides that... I'd be alone in the apartment with him.

_Maybe that's a good thing, _my subconscious told me quietly as my mind automatically raced through all of the reasons why it could be a _bad _thing.

_He was a perfect gentleman with you in your apartment, _my subconscious reasoned.

I knew that. He was. He was always a perfect gentleman with me, even when he had ample opportunity not to be.

_It's ok. It's Seth, _my subconscious whispered at me.

And that meant something, because Seth was a gentleman and he had been nothing but kind and respectful and very sweet to me. It was unfair of me to doubt him like I was. I did it constantly when I had absolutely no reason to.

"I can drive you home later, if you're worried about that," Seth whispered as he waited for me to make up my mind. "Please stay," he encouraged again, this time adding a small and oh-so-irresistible signature Seth Clearwater smile to his plea.

And at that, my mind was made up. How could I say no to that smile?

"Ok," whispered with a hesitant nod.

I waited for the nerves and anxiety to creep up on me after I agreed. I was sure that my instincts would kick in as usual and warn me that I was making a bad decision, or that I was putting myself in a vulnerable position, because I was. But as I stared at Seth's bright smile and his warm, happy eyes the warning's never came. I smiled to myself as I ducked my head, still amazed at being able to make him smile like that. I was sure that he had no idea how crazy it seemed to me that my presence could seemingly make him feel _that_ happy. And I was positive that he had no idea how special he was to me. The fact that I felt even remotely comfortable agreeing to stay with him was a huge step for me. The last time I'd agreed to hang out with a guy at his place, alone, things ended... _badly_, for me.

"You guys go ahead," Seth said while turning toward Jacob and Nessie who were ready and waiting at the door for me. "I'll take Olivia home later."

Jacob smiled and nodded once at Seth while Nessie smiled brightly at me and waved goodbye.

"Bye," I said to them, "and thank you for the ride, Jacob."

He smiled brightly enough to match Nessie's expression and nodded. "Any time."

I wondered briefly if his bright smile was because he noticed that it was the first time I'd ever addressed him without being prompted by someone or something else. They left with waves, goodbye wishes and promises to see both Seth and I in a few days at school. Both Seth and I were working for the next few days and would be pretty busy.

Once they were gone, Seth turned back toward me and smiled before nodding at the couch. He still had my hands in his and was obviously wanting to sit with me. But when he gestured towards the couch... I... froze.

_The couch. Not the couch. Oh no... how do I do this? _I asked myself in a sudden moment of panic.

_Of course, _the couch_, Olivia. Where did you think he was going to ask you to sit – the bed?_

I think I might have blanched a little.

_Oh Lord, _I thought hastily_, those really are our only two options aren't they?_

I cursed myself mentally for not thinking of this before agreeing to stay. I had successfully avoided sharing a couch with Seth twice so far, once in my apartment, once at Jacob and Nessie's house last week while we waited for them to get ready – which was completely irrational because they were both just down the hall – and this would be the third.

I looked up to Seth's face to find him peering down at me with questions and concerns in his eyes.

_Oh Seth... you don't deserve my hesitation. But couches and boys and I have... bad history. _

I hated myself for confusing him and not being able to separate my present from my past at the moment. But sometimes bad memories were very powerful things...

_Make new memories, _my subconscious told me cautiously. _Make _good _memories with Seth._

I glanced down at the floor again briefly, fighting with myself not to do this. It was, after all, _just _a couch. The couch wasn't to blame... it was the boy I'd shared it with.

And Seth... well, the only thing he was to blame for was me feeling absolutely amazing, completely comfortable and respected.

By the time I glanced up at him Seth's face had gone from concerned and questioning, to concerned and doubtful. I could tell that he'd figured it out. He knew at that point that I was avoiding the couch. But to his credit, once again, he chose not to make a big deal out of it.

"Maybe we can stretch out on the floor?" he suggested and nodded toward the rug.

And then I suddenly felt even more horrible than I had before. I was forcing him to sit on the _floor_ for no good reason. He didn't deserve that.

So, I shook my head slowly in disagreement, released his hands and without a word, turned toward the couch and sat gingerly on the edge, right in the middle.

_It's just a couch. It's just a couch. It's just a couch, _I repeated to myself as I held my slightly shaking hands together. I hoped he wouldn't notice how hard this was for me. I didn't want him thinking that it was his fault that I was getting a bit worked up.

Seth followed me and sat a safe foot or so away, hands clasped, elbows resting on his knees. His face was turned to look at me as I sat on the edge of the cushion. I could see the questions in his eyes. I knew he was wondering why I was so clearly uncomfortable with something as simple as sharing a couch with him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly while clasping my hands together in my lap even more tightly than before. If I hadn't they would have started shaking again.

He shook his head and gave me a half smile.

"Don't be," he replied. His patience never failed to amaze me. There were countless times over the last couple of weeks that I had been hesitant around him and besides asking me if I was ok or checking to see if what he was doing was ok, he hadn't pressed me for information once. He just accepted my odd behaviour and moved on from there.

He sat up then and picked my joined hands up, separated them, taking them both in his as he turned to face me. I glanced up at his face and saw a look of determination there that I'd never seen before and that's when I knew that his patience had finally run out. He looked like he _really_ wanted to ask me something...

I prepared myself for the inevitable. He was going to ask me why I hesitated and I had no idea how I was going to tell him why couches sometimes made me nervous.

I didn't want to talk about it. I had a panic attack nearly every time I had to talk to someone about it in the past. I didn't want him to see me like that.

_You'll have to tell him sometime..._mysubconscious whispered quietly.

_I know, _I thought, _I know, but... but I'm just not... ready._

_He deserves to know... _

"Is this ok?" Seth asked, squeezing my hands in his lightly. He was always asking me if what he was doing was ok. I had no idea why he did it, but I was _so_ grateful for it every time. He had never done anything with or to me without my permission. And that meant the world to me.

"Of course," I said softly, feeling very conflicted. I wanted to be able to do things like this with him, but I had no idea how to do them without feeling anxious. And it wasn't even his fault. Everything _Seth _had ever done was... wonderful. How did I let him know that I felt badly for being nervous and for the fact that he felt like he needed to check things with me all the time, but ask him to keep doing it anyway?

_Show him how much you appreciate it, _my subconscious prodded softly. _This is Seth. Actions speak louder than words with him, remember? _She reminded me.

So that's exactly what I decided to do.

I gripped his hands a bit tighter and shifted to my right, depositing myself beside him, leaving less than an inch between us. He didn't deserve to be held off at arm's length. I turned my head upwards to look him in the eye and found him smiling at me softly.

"Sorry," I murmured, "that wasn't about you. I – I..." I trailed off and felt my brows knit as I wondered how to word what I was going to say next.

It turns out I didn't have to say anything.

"I told you already, you don't have to be sorry, Liv. Just do what makes you comfortable," he said easily. He let go of one of my hands, reaching out with his index finger toward my face. His finger brushed against my forehead, right on my hairline, before trailing down my cheek oh-so-softly. I felt my eyes flutter closed as I nearly vibrated on the inside. I was quivering in the best way. Warmth and happiness seemed to radiate from Seth and every time he touched me, it seeped through my skin, passing on to me.

I shivered a bit as his finger gently lifted my hair over my shoulder then laid it on my back, away from my face, then sighed happily and opened my eyes.

"What did you call me?" I asked as I stared into his deep brown eyes. It sounded like a shortened version of my name, but he was speaking very softly and I was distracted by his soft touch, so I wasn't entirely sure.

"Oh," he said with a sheepish smirk, ducking his own head a bit. "Um, _Liv_. Like, something short for your name? I – well," he rubbed his free hand across the back of his neck and shrugged. "Sometimes that's how I refer to you in my head, when I'm thinking about you. Does it bother you? It just sort of – came out," he said and then shook his head at himself.

I smiled warmly at him.

_Does he really think of me enough to warrant a nickname of sorts?_

"You think of me?" I whispered quietly, not knowing how else to respond.

He looked down, straight into my eyes with the most serious expression I think I'd ever seen on his handsome face.

"All the time."

As I stared into his eyes I couldn't help but be stunned by the honesty and sincerity that seemed to resonate from both his voice and his gaze. The entire room seemed to still and fall away from us, leaving us there, staring at each other and the gravity of what he'd just said and how he'd said it. I had no choice but to believe that he meant it. I didn't understand it, but that didn't make it any less believable. Not when he was looking at me like that.

He blinked and shook his head a bit, breaking our gaze. I blinked and pulled in a slow, deep breath to calm myself a bit after the intensity of the moment. My heart was hammering in my chest in the best way possible. It wasn't the frantic hammering of nerves or anxiety. It was the strong, full and loud hammering of hope and anticipation and warmth and happiness, and everything that had to do with _Seth_, from the very first moment I'd met him.

Seth smiled to himself lightly and then shifted backwards a bit on the couch until he was leaning on the back cushions. He held my hand and tugged me gently towards him, raising an eyebrow at me, silently asking me to join him. I slid back and turned to face him, feet tucked under me, my right side leaning on the back of the couch.

"I made something for you, too," Seth said quietly. His thumb rubbed back and forth against the back of the hand that he held, like he'd done nearly every time we'd joined hands over the past week.

I felt my head tilt to the side and my face bunch a bit in confusion as he reached into the right pocket of his jeans with his free hand. When he pulled it out, he was holding something small, black and delicate looking. He turned his body slightly towards mine and held out the delicate oval for me to see.

"It's a bracelet," he said as I looked at the woven-leather oval dangling between us. It was difficult to see from farther away, but now that it was closer to me I could see that it was actually five very fine pieces of black leather woven tightly together to form a bracelet. It was tied with what looked like a very secure knot in the middle.

"You made this?" I asked quietly, wondering how his large hands were able to braid something so thin and delicate with such precision. The weave wasn't simple. I knew instantly that even though it looked like a basic braided bracelet, it had probably taken him a lot of time and effort to get it right.

He nodded in answer to my question.

"It's beautiful," I stated honestly. The basic black kept it simple, while the complex weave and fine, soft leather made it classic and interesting all at the same time.

He smiled and flipped his hand over so that the small bracelet sat in his palm. I marvelled a bit at how tiny it looked cradled in his hand. I sometimes forgot what a large guy Seth was.

"I know it doesn't look like much," he stated quietly, "but it's kind of significant where I come from."

I shook my head, because he was wrong about it not looking like much. He'd made it for me. All of the time and effort that had clearly gone into creating it meant significantly more to me than anything he could have spent a lot of money on in a store.

"I love it," I whispered, so that he would know how much it meant to me that he'd gone through the trouble of making it. "The fact that you made it makes it more special than anything else you could ever give me, Seth. Thank you."

He smiled and then swallowed somewhat nervously, which made me blink at him in surprise. I don't think I'd _ever_ seen Seth nervous before.

"It's a promise bracelet," he stated quietly, hesitantly, eyeing the woven leather object in his hand seriously.

"A promise bracelet?" I whispered. A million thoughts ran through my head when I heard the term. All of them had to do with some sort of commitment from the giver to the person who was receiving it. But... what was he promising me?

"Back home, guys give these to their girls'," he said quietly, glancing up at me with a rare, shy smile. "Not just any girls," he continued in a whisper, "just the ones that are very special to them, like you are to me."

I blinked in confusion again. I really wasn't sure where he was going with this. I knew that he was trying to tell me that I was special, and I was beyond flattered about that. But, why not just say the words? What was the significance of the bracelet? We were _friends_, after all. What kind of promise did the leather ring represent?

He sighed and shook his head at himself again before lifting his gaze to meet mine. His large, brown eyes were so serious and deep, but still held the same calm and peace they always did. It was hard not to lose myself in them, and stay focused on the here and now. He stared at me for a few seconds, searching my eyes for something, as I looked back at him doing the same.

"What I want to know is if you'll accept it," he whispered. "If you wear it, it's like a symbol that we're _together_." He paused for a beat, letting the weight of that last word hang in the air between us, still searching my eyes.

"Will you be mine," he whispered quietly, "... and let me be yours?" he added with a sweet earnestness.

I blinked, stunned, trying to ingest and process everything he'd said in the last few moments.

_He wants me to be his, _I thought in amazement. _As in... we'd be _together_, as a couple. _

I let out a surprised breath as my heart... just... _leapt _in my chest. It bounced and jittered around like it was literally jumping at the chance to be with him. And I felt warm. So unexplainably warm. It was the strangest most wonderful sensation. Something in my heart seemed to turn on and flood me with pure warmth from head to toe at just the thought that Seth wanted to be with me.

I had no idea what to say. My mind was literally drawing a blank trying to come up with words to accept.

So I smiled and nodded slowly, still reeling and hoped that it was enough.

His eyebrows knit together as a warm, radiant smile crept across his face.

"Yeah?" he breathed, sounding as if he was surprised that I'd actually agreed.

His response made me giggle a bit under my breath because it always seemed to come down to that one word with us.

"Yeah," I responded with a whisper and a growing smile.

~~~LT~~~

**SPOV**

I still couldn't believe she said yes. I watched her for what had to be a really long time, feeling kind of stunned-happy, like I guess people do when they win the lottery. Which, if I thought about it, I kind of had. She said _yes_, and agreed to be mine. Well, technically she said 'yeah' but... you get the picture.

I snapped out of my stupor when her eyes flickered down toward the bracelet I still held in my hand. I let go of her hand and pinched the soft braided leather between my fingers, before reaching out and slipping it over her hand and onto her petite wrist.

It looked perfect, just like I'd pictured it. She was so tiny – everywhere – that I was really careful to make something that wouldn't look big or gaudy on her small wrist. I wanted it to be really thin, so I'd used the finest strands of leather that I could get my hands on. Then I spent a couple of hours rubbing them with petroleum jelly to make them soft to the touch, just like her. It was a trick my dad had shown me years ago and I was glad to have remembered it when I needed it the most. Once the strands of leather were ready, I wove them together tightly until I had them just long enough to slip around her hand.

I looked down into her bright blue eyes once it was on. They were warm, tropical oceans again, and just like last time, I wanted to dive right in and get completely lost in her.

I leaned in slowly, keeping my eyes open and on hers the entire time. When I got close enough, her eyes fluttered shut and the hand attached to the wrist wearing _my bracelet_ drifted up toward my neck. Slender, cool fingersslid and inch or two down my throat until they found their home at the collar of my shirt. I don't know why she always put them there when we kissed, but I did know that I liked to feel the tips of her tiny little fingers play with the collar of my shirt.

I lightly slid my hand from the bracelet, down her arm, over her shoulder and down to the small of her back, then gently pulled her in the last inch or so to meet me.

And then I kissed her.

God, did I _ever_ kiss her.

And _Jesus_, she kissed me back.

We'd never kissed like this before. Our mouths parted almost instantly after they touched and I wasted no time flicking out my tongue to lap at her sweet, soft upper lip. She responded by flicking her tongue out to meet mine – so slowly and sweetly that if I didn't know any better, I would have thought she was teasing me. She literally met the underside of my tongue and spent what was probably a few seconds dragging just the tip of hers over and down it.

Her other hand had made its way to the front of my shirt and lay right over my heart. I had a feeling that she could probably feel the way it was nearly beating out my chest – just for her. At least I hoped she could.

We'd gradually worked ourselves up to the point that we'd shifted closer, her slender, upper body was pressed up against mine and our heads had tilted farther to the side, tongues reaching, grasping... She still tasted sweeter than anything I'd ever imagined in my whole entire life. She was all cherry and chocolate and warm and wet and just – Olivia. Just her.

I slowed our kissing down when I felt her trying to drag in a deep breath around my bottom lip. I was humming and lit up and practically vibrating on the spot from the inside out. If we kept going I knew things were bound to get intense and maybe even heated – and it's not that I didn't want that, because believe me, I did – I just didn't want this moment to be about that. Besides, I had something that I needed to tell her, and it couldn't wait.

"Thank you," I murmured after our lips drifted apart and she tried to catch her breath.

Her big blue eyes flashed up to mine, inquisitive and curious, but still a little lazy and hooded from that incredible kiss.

"For what?" she breathed.

I smiled and gently took her wrist in my hand, rubbing my thumb over the tiny bracelet and loving the way it felt in my heart, knowing that it was there.

"Thank you for accepting this. It means a lot to me," I told her honestly. "_You_ mean a lot to me," I specified, getting more to the point.

"Seth," she whispered, "I..." she trailed off and her eyes drifted downward, shifting from side to side over our touching knees as if trying to find the words she wanted to say on the denim. She looked a bit lost for words, and I felt kind of bad about that. I hoped I wasn't confusing her. I just really wanted her to know that I had feelings for her. She probably thought it was too soon for me to feel anything major, which would have been right in most cases for people who had just gone on a few dates, but not in my case.

"So do you," she whispered finally, still staring at our knees with her brow furrowed. "I don't know why, or how, but... I... everything is so _different _with you," she murmured and shook her head very slowly from side to side. Her voice waivered slightly near the end of her statement in a way that made my heart quiver a bit. She breathed out the word 'different' like it was praise. She was saying I was different in a good way. I had no idea what I was so different from, but I was really glad about the fact that it seemed to be a very good thing in her eyes.

"It's different for me too, you know," I mumbled back, wanting her to know that I'd never felt for anyone else like I did for her. It may not matter to her much now, but it might after I've told her about my past – especially with Kelly.

"I meant it when I said that the guys back home only gave these to very special girls. I've dated before," I admitted cautiously, "but... never anyone like you." I rubbed my thumb over the bracelet again and tilted my head to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of her eyes.

She raised her eyes to meet mine and peered up at me through her thick, black lashes. Her blue eyes were sharp and intense and seemed to cut through the distance between us, connecting us right at the heart. They were the most open, honest and unguarded I'd ever seen from her and they seem to reach out to me like they never had before. She was levelling with me. Her _gaze_ levelled me – it was that pointed.

"Me too," she whispered fervently and then glanced down toward our knees again, swallowing hard.

My heart sank a bit, thinking about the fact that she'd basically just admitted to dating someone before me by agreeing that this was different for her, just like it was for me. It was hypocritical to be disappointed about it, and I knew it, but I'd be a damned liar if I said I wasn't.

"No one's ever treated me like you do," she whispered cautiously. "You're so sweet and kind to me and... he," her voice faltered a bit on the last word and the hand that still laid over my heart clenched into a tight fist.

I waited for her to continue, but after a few seconds I realized that she'd stopped talking altogether, and I think my heart stopped at the same time as I started to wonder where she was going with that.

I mean, she'd said '_he' _and then tensed – a lot. It wasn't just that her hand balled up into a fist on my chest. Her shoulders rose and curled inwards, her arms pressed in closer to her sides and her entire upper body seemed to collapse inward a bit. Everything about her posture changed. Alarm bells were definitely going off in my head.

"He?" I asked cautiously and then held my breath, waiting for her to keep going.

She took a deep breath and let it out while I waited for her to continue. As I did, I wondered the same two things over and over again.

'_He' who? And what did he do to make her react like this?_

The longer I waited, the more worried I got, wondering what the hell she was about to tell me. I asked because I needed to know, but I wasn't sure if I really _wanted_ to.

She swallowed again and took in a sharp, deep breath.

"He... _wasn't._" Her voice was dead sounding and the words fell between us like a lead weight dropped from somewhere high.

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth, jaw flexing hard as they ground together. My fingers twitched just slightly, itching to curl into angry fists. Heat whispered up and down my spine, sliding over it like a hot summer breeze.

A million questions ran through my head. Who was this guy and what kind of relationship did she have with him? I thought about all of the times she was nervous or hesitant around men in general, and sometimes even with me, although it happened a lot less where I was concerned and I was really grateful for that. Did that have something to do with this guy who apparently wasn't very sweet or kind to her in the past?

The heat in my spine flashed and burned hotly as I thought about my next question.

Did he _hurt_ her?

_Fucking hell, _Ithought as my body reacted to my train of thought_._

My fucking heart squeezed and jerked painfully, twisting up and tying itself into knots, along with my stomach. It hurt. Just the thought of... _that_... hurt like a fist to the chest. Not a human fist either. It was like getting socked in the chest by an ice cold, rock hard vampire. I should know. It's happened to me before.

The wolf in me snarled and growled a bit just at the thought of someone hurting the small, gentle girl in front of me. I had to remind myself that I was just guessing about what might have happened in order to stay calm and keep the tremors from starting. I didn't know for sure. But it wasn't easy. I was a natural born protector, and this girl was _mine _to protect – I was born for it. My natural instincts were to hunt down this motherfucker and rip him limb from limb if I was right.

I took a deep breath and used it to try and calm myself as a heavy silence settled between us. I was grateful for all the years I'd already spent as a wolf. My control was really good, and even though I was wound tighter than a spring on a clock at just the thought of someone doing something to hurt her, I wasn't in any danger of losing control. Not yet, anyway. I needed confirmation first.

I needed to know what she was talking about. I didn't want to guess about this. But she was really tense. I could see it in the way her shoulders had bunched slightly, and I could hear it in the way her breathing picked up and got a bit shallow. So if I wanted to ask her questions, I'd have to go slowly.

"Is _he _someone you dated?" I asked tentatively.

She nodded mechanically.

"Yes," she whispered, "a long time ago."

"And he wasn't... _kind _to you?" I asked, using her word from before, making sure that I'd put those pieces of the puzzle together properly.

I held my breath and waited for her answer. And while I waited I had another movie moment. This time it was the kind where the entire scene stops, and the camera zooms in on the face of the person about to deliver some kind of really important news. The air around us was silent and thick. Emotions, breathing, movement – everything was suspended. I was the other person on screen, waiting, staring, _needing_ to know what she had to say before I could decide what to do next.

She shook her head.

"No," she whispered and then swallowed thickly again. "He wasn't."

I closed my eyes tightly at the sound of her voice. It was high and tense and just _full_ of everything I prayed I wouldn't hear. She didn't have to tell me straight out. I knew. I could _feel_ it. My heart ached and throbbed so much it nearly knocked me breathless. There was no question in my mind. The imprinting bond worked in strange ways sometimes and this was one of them. Their pain was our pain. And _fuck_, was she _ever_ in pain.

She'd been hurt.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, as my own emotions whipped around in my head any heart and my gut and I fought to gain control. Pain, anger and guilt washed through me over and over again. Pain because she was in pain, anger at whoever the fuck did something to hurt her, and guilt because I hadn't been there to stop it. It didn't matter to me we that hadn't met yet when this shit happened, what mattered to me was that this was something she was obviously suffering with and there was nothing I could do to make it better for her. _Something_ happened to her. Whether the guy was just a complete asshole to her, or whether it was something worse - _God, _please_ don't let it be something worse – _it happened and it caused her pain.

_It's still causing her pain_.

Either way, she was hurt in whatever capacity it was, and she was left to deal with that. And I was sorry that I couldn't fix that for her. It was what I was _supposed_ to do. But there was no way to change the past.

"Don't be sorry," she said fervently. "You're wonderful to me."

I opened my eyes and looked down at her beautiful and pained face. Her eyes were sparkling again, telling me that she was happy when she thought about me. I felt a little better, knowing that I'd been able to make her happy like that.

I smiled a sad smile at her praise. I wasn't _that_ wonderful. I just knew how to appreciate what I had. And I had it _all _with her.

"You deserve wonderful," I said truthfully. "You're beautiful, inside and out, Liv."

I leaned forward and brushed her lips gently with mine, sealing in the compliment before she felt like she had to reply. I knew from past experience that she wasn't comfortable accepting them, but I wanted her to hear that. I needed her to know how special she was to me. How anyone could treat this amazing girl with anything less than kindness and respect was beyond me. The guy she dated must have been nothing more than a complete asshole to treat someone like her badly.

I pulled her into my side, resting my chin on top of her head and hugging her slender, tiny frame to mine. When my arms wound around her I covered her hands with mine and held them as they sat in her lap. Just like the other times I'd held her over the last couple of weeks, she relaxed into me. It was a little different this time, though. I felt her right hand shift out from under mine and slide on top so that her palm was on the back of my hand. I tilted my head to the side and watched as she used her index finger to trace around the outline of my hand. When I glanced down at her face I could see that her brows were pinched together and her mouth was twisted off to one side. She was focused and concentrating on something.

We didn't say anything for a few minutes. I didn't want to interrupt her. I'd gotten to know her well enough that I knew that she was more than likely thinking about something that she wanted to say. I hoped that she would tell me what that prick did to her – whoever he was – but I didn't want to push her into talking about it. I figured that she would tell me when she was ready.

I didn't want to think about it too much either. The back of my mind had been busy coming up with all sorts of scenarios that were all just awful, and they were threatening to put me on edge. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of the weight of her beside me and the soft, warm tingling she was creating with her finger every time she ran it over a new spot on my hand. As long as she was there with me, she was safe. That was all that really mattered.

"It's never you, you know," she whispered quietly and stopped tracing my hand for a moment to cover it and squeeze it gently.

"What's never me?" I asked tilting my head to the side so that I could see her face. She was serious and seemed really focused on my hand as she began tracing it again.

"When I'm nervous... or I hesitate," she clarified. "It's not you. I-." She stopped there and furrowed her brow again, deeply. When she opened her mouth to speak again her lips and her voice trembled. I felt my insides quake with them. She seemed to be trying to open up a bit, but it was obviously really hard for her talk about, which made it really hard for me to listen to. I felt really conflicted about that. I wanted her to talk to me about it, but at the same time, I didn't want to see her get upset.

"I have a hard time with... I... _react_ sometimes. But it's not _you_ that I'm reacting to, even though you're right here. I just..." she swallowed thickly and shook her head while tilting it upwards to face me. I sucked in a light gasp at the sight of her blue eyes. They were wide and serious and glassy, but on the inside I could see that she was just – all torn up. Whatever she was thinking about had to be bad if it affected her like this.

I was officially on high alert inside after that. Her tone, the look in her eyes, the tremble in her lips – they were all telling me something. They were like bright yellow crime scene tape. You see it and you just _know _that something awful happened just on the other side of it.

_It was bad. I can feel it. Whatever it was – it was really fucking bad. _

"You don't have to tell me anything," I found myself whispering as I held her to me a bit tighter. Most of me meant what I'd just said, but there was another, smaller part of me that was lying through my teeth. I wanted to know what he did to her, how he treated her, but more than that, I needed to chase her pain away. It didn't belong in her eyes. The only thing I ever wanted to see there was happiness. And if talking about it caused her pain, then she didn't have to do it. I couldn't ask her to do that.

She nodded and looked back down toward our hands, tracing mine again, but this time with a shaking finger.

"Yes I do," she mumbled quietly but determinedly, "just... not tonight. I just... I'm not ready."

I leaned in and kissed her cheek softly, hugging her to me gently.

"Ok," I replied, even though I was dying inside. I knew this was going to drive me crazy. I was already hyped up and strung tight just wondering about it. I did my very best to control my body at that point. I focused all of my energy on holding her gently, hiding every bit of strain and heat threatening to wrack and pull at my muscles from the inside out. She needed me to be calm, supportive. So that's what I would be. Even if it damn near killed me to do it.

After a few minutes of just holding her, helping her calm down and relax and hopefully showing her that I would be there for her, where ever and whenever she wanted to talk, she gently leaned forward into my arms, loosening my grip a bit and turned to face me.

And at that moment, I didn't regret one second of the pain and patience it took for me _not_ to keep her talking. Her big blue eyes met mine and just damn near sparkled with appreciation.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Her eyes flickered down to her hands then as they slowly made their way upwards. Within seconds I felt soft, slender fingertips slide against my jaw. I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead down to hers and let my own fingertips rest lightly on her tiny waist, just under her ribs. Her touch was lighting me up again, like soft, pure warmth radiated out from each of her fingertips. My heart started it's vibrating, softly buzzing away in the centre of my chest while the rest of me just sat back and took a minute to enjoy it. I needed this. I needed to feel her warmth, our vibe, her slender frame in my hands. It helped me remember that she was ok – and that no matter what might have happened to her, she was here with me now, and nothing would ever hurt her again, not as long as I could help it.

I took a deep breath, pulling in her sweet scent and rubbed my thumbs back and forth lightly over her stomach, while my fingers rested on her back. I loved the feel of her, all soft and warm and curvy body under my hands.

"Seth," she breathed, and my own breath hitched because I could feel her breath wash over my face and her lips – those soft, plump, sweet lips – brush against mine as she breathed it. And just like that, the atmosphere between us changed and flipped into something a lot more intense.

_Ho-ly shit. _

My heart vibrated more intensely. My palms flattened against soft warmth at the curve of her waist, finally joining my fingertips and I wanted to drown in the feel of her.

That is until her lips brushed mine.

And then I was definitely drowning in something else.

_Oooooooo, sweet Jesus, _I thought as I felt her press her lips around the lower lip of my now parted mouth.

_She's kissing me. _

She's _kissing _me.

Up until that point, she'd never initiated a kiss. It had always been me. Not that I minded. I knew she was shy... but _holy crap. _Now that she had, I could definitely tell you that there was a difference. It was just – _way _more powerful because _she _wanted _me_. And _wow_, did it ever make me feel prideful for the fact that this gorgeous, amazing girl wanted to be with _me_, kiss _me_ and be _my girl_. It felt like it made my heart swell up to about five times its regular size.

I felt her pull back and rub her soft lips lightly over the surface of mine. She was hesitant – checking to see if it was ok – needing reassurance, I guessed. Probably because I hadn't kissed her back.

_Jesus, Clearwater. Get your shit together and kiss your girl! Show her how much you liked that..._

I paused though, simultaneously feeling really excited at being able to call her _my girl_ and really hesitant to show her how much I enjoyed her kiss. My entire body was alive and warm and vibrating and I'm a little ashamed to say that most of the blood that was pumping through my vibrating heart was headed straight down to my dick. From a simple kiss.

But it was really anything but that, to me. Any wolf that had been in my shoes at one point in time or another could attest to that. When the one you're meant for loves on you, in any way, it's a very powerful thing. It's like physical confirmation that they want you too. We can feel it though our bond – it amplifies our own desire in return.

And, _holy shit_, this was definitely amplified. I was harder than steel.

_Oh crap. Slow, Seth. Slow, _I reminded myself as the vibrations between us heated up. There it was; the lust that I'd been waiting for. It was creeping up on me, a lot slower that it had with the others, but it was there, strong and hot and literally shaking its way into my veins, slithering around making me hum with heat, slowly infiltrating the vibrating warmth.

I knew it had to be coming... It wasn't like I'd never felt lust towards her before. I'd always found her to be attractive, and my body – more specifically my dick – had definitely reacted to her over the past couple of weeks, but it was more like the reaction _any_ guy my age would have to a girl he wanted. It wasn't anything like this.

And then I realized that it was because this wasn't something I could feel on my own. This was what an imprinted wolf would feel when their _mate wanted them_.

The first time we kissed I felt like I'd been plugged in and tossed into a warm soft light. This time, the light fucking _invaded_ me, poured through my heart and ran through my veins. I wasn't surrounded by her light and warmth – I was feeling it from the inside out.

It was amazing, and exhilarating and really fucking powerful, especially since a lot of that light and warmth seemed to pool itself in one _very specific_ area.

I swallowed thickly, feeling really fucking nervous now that I knew she had some sort of bad relationship in the past and a little resentful that tonight, of all nights, was when the horny motherfucker in me decided to make his presence known. She was definitely opening herself up to me tonight, and I didn't want to do anything to make her regret the decision she made to be mine.

_Slowly, Seth. _

"Liv?" I whispered softly against her lips, tilting my head to the side, rubbing my nose gently against hers as I did. She was still frozen in front of me while I sorted myself out, just waiting for me to make the next move.

_Slowly, Seth. _

"Yeah?" she breathed back, all low and throaty.

_Jesus - she sounds good like that._

_Fuck. Crap. Don't think like that..._

_Slowly, Seth._

I slid my hand around a couple of inches to meet in the small of her back. Slowly, very slowly, I leaned down onto the back of the couch, gently pulling her to me, keeping our faces just millimetres apart. It was better this way. I wasn't towering over her, she was eye level with me, just like I was with her, and it was comfortable. This way, she could do whatever she wanted – I was hers.

I tilted my head up, brushing my lips against hers and whispered into them.

"Kiss me again?"

I felt a soft, warm breath fan out over my face and opened my eyes to see her smiling up shyly at me from under her lashes, relief and surprise clearly written all over her face.

_If only she knew,_ I thought wryly. There was no need for her nerves. I was putty in her hands at the moment and probably would be every other moment for the rest of my life.

"I think I just might," she whispered with a shy smile and closed the gap between us again, kissing me with a little more confidence this time.

I didn't hesitate to kiss her back. I kept it soft and slow, following her lead, responding to her with exactly what she did to me, showing her that I was definitely ok with whatever she was doing and more than happy to play along.

We kissed and kissed and kissed until she leaned back, breathless like I was, and let her forehead drop down to my shoulder. The entire thing was completely intense and I could feel that it wasn't just on my end. She'd felt it too. I could see it in her eyes when she opened them up for me. They were slightly hooded and glassy and clear, light blue oceans of sweet desire.

I wanted to bottle up that blue. I wanted to lather up with it like soap in the shower. I wanted to wear it every day like my favourite pair of jeans. I wanted to dive in and swim in it forever – not gracefully either - I wanted to take a running jump and do a motherfucking _cannonball_ into that blue.

It was _my_ blue; because she wanted _me_.

I could see the beginnings of wonder in the expression on her face and my heart clenched happily at the sight of it. _I knew that look_. I'd seen it before in the thoughts of every other imprinted wolf in the pack. For each and every one of the guys, this memory with their other half was second only to the moment they actually imprinted - because this was the moment that their other half started to feel it _back_. It's when they started to acknowledge the sense of something wonderful, amazing... just _more_ going on between them and their wolf. And we were _their_ wolves. I was one hundred percent Olivia's from the second I laid eyes on her. And in this moment – the moment I first saw _my blue_ in her eyes – she was officially realizing what it meant to make herself _mine_.

I swallowed back the breath that threatened to hitch in my throat and ignored the burning in my eyes as I stared at her not wanting to blink so that I could memorize my blue. It had been an eventful night. But _this_ – above everything else – _this moment – _iswhat would always make this night one of the best of my life.

Because she really had accepted my promise - she was starting to accept me into her heart.

* * *

**Well, they're finally officially together... and Seth has an idea about her past. I know a lot of you are anxious for the 'big reveal'. Hang in there. This story comes to life and dives in full speed ahead when you least expect it.**

**Thank you for the reads, review and love this little fic has been receiving. I've been a little sluggish getting to reviews, but my time to read/write has been cut short by quite a bit lately, so I've been more devoted to writing than responding to reviews. I read, love and appreciate every single one of your comments, even when I don't have time to respond. **

**Until next time,**

**~Hitchy**


	11. Angel

***waves* Hi there! Bet you weren't expecting this so soon. But here it is! LOL. You all certainly do deserve it for being so patient with me on this one.**

**Chapter song - Angel ~ Aerosmith**

**Many thanks to _shepeppy_ for her beta work and for being my own personal emo-meter with this chapter. **

**SM owns Twilight. I own a Seth and his sweet angel.**

* * *

**SPOV**

I took a swig of my soda and swished it around a bit, letting the fizzy liquid pop and fizz around my tongue and teeth. I swallowed and grimaced at the sweet taste of it.

_Ugh, orange soda. Why the fuck am I drinking orange soda? _

I hated orange soda. It was too sweet to do anything but make you even thirstier than you were before you started drinking it. I grumbled to myself about being an idiot for telling Jenny, the girl who took phone orders at the pizza company, to just give me 'whatever' to drink, and grabbed another piece of pepperoni pizza off my plate. I sunk my teeth into it, chewing the hell out of it to try and combat the sweet, syrupy aftertaste of the drink.

I ate the piece quickly, not bothering to taste it as I swallowed it down and let it fill my stomach. When I was done I blindly reached for another one while staring at a random infomercial for some kind of chopping device on TV, grimacing when my hand met an empty plate.

I looked down at the plain white plate littered with crumbs and wondered when the hell I'd managed to pound back an entire twelve slice pizza without really noticing it. I guess it wasn't really that big a deal, considering the fact that it was probably the third pizza I'd ordered in a week. Meals all seemed to kind of blur together when they were a never ending train of pizza, burgers and macaroni and cheese. Thank God I'd at least perfected the art of making mac and cheese before I'd left home. After my dad passed away Leah and I took on a lot of chores and responsibilities at home to help my mom out whenever we could. I loved food; there was no denying that, so at the time I thought cooking would be a great place for me to help out. I tried really hard, following recipes and directions on boxes, but nothing ever seemed to come out right. After about a month or so of trying, it was pretty clear that the only thing I'd be able to pull together without burning, overcooking or drying out was mac and cheese, toast and the occasional hot dog.

Now that I was on my own it was pretty safe to say that meal times sucked. Jake and Nessie took pity on me and had me over a couple of times a week, seeing as both of them could cook really well. I didn't like going over there too late, though. I was eating late quite a bit lately because my job as a stock boy at the local department store usually had me working until nine or ten at night. I didn't mind the hours because it paid well. Apparently there weren't many young guys out there willing to haul ass, dragging and piling boxes around a stock room for hours on end. I could see where most of them would have a problem. It was hard work and involved a lot of heavy lifting. It was no problem for me, though. With my added strength I could lift several times more than most of the other guys at one time, and even at that the loads weren't really heavy at all. I had to put on a good show for my co-workers, though, so I took it a lot easier than I could have and did my work just fast enough to impress my boss, but not fast enough to draw any suspicion. My shifts were supposed to end at eleven, so finishing at ten or even nine, like I did tonight, was somewhat reasonable. Imposing myself on Jake and Nessie at that time of night to eat wasn't, though.

So on the nights I worked I was usually left to fend for myself.

I hefted myself off of the couch, grabbed my empty plate and half empty can of soda and made my way to the sink. I dropped the plate down into it and tipped the can of soda over with a sigh, letting it drain over the plate and into the sink, washing my crumbs down with it.

I hesitantly glanced at the clock as I waited for the can to empty.

_Ten thirty._

I felt my stomach sink, right along with my shoulders, which slumped forward in disappointment. It was ten thirty and for the third day in a row I hadn't seen Olivia. Not only that, I'd barely talked to her over the last few days either. It was really starting to get to me. When I dropped her off at her dorm three nights ago everything seemed fine – better than fine, actually. At least... it was for me.

She'd accepted me by agreeing to wear my bracelet, she started opening up to me and letting her walls down a bit and best of all... she started to feel our bond. I'd dropped her off feeling happy and secure that we were turning a corner and heading someplace good - a place where we'd get to know everything about each other and really start _living_ in the light and the warmth that we created together. Because that's what our bond was like – light and warm.

My phone rang and softly buzzed in my pocket, pulling me out of my thoughts. I reached for it quickly and held it up to check the display, hoping to hear from Olivia and that maybe _she _had actually called _me _after work tonight, instead of it being the other way around.

No such luck.

It was Jake.

I flipped the phone open and held it to my ear.

"Hey," I said flatly, still feeling really disappointed that she hadn't called. She got off work half an hour ago and should have been home about ten minutes after that. I wondered what she was doing and if she was planning to call. Then I wondered if I would even get to talk to her at all if I didn't call myself.

"Hey, Seth," Jake said cheerfully but hesitantly. I could tell that he knew something was up with me. I hadn't really talked to him much over the last couple of days either. When I'd talked to Olivia the first night of the last three she seemed really distant and kind of closed off, more so than usual, and it really worried me. I didn't want to bother Jake with it since we were all getting ready to start school tomorrow and Nessie was really excited about it. So I just kind of kept to myself a bit, which admittedly, wasn't very like me.

"What's up?" I asked him, trying to put a little more enthusiasm into my tone of voice. Didn't work, though. I still sounded pretty flat, even to my own ears.

Jake sighed under his breath and stayed silent for a moment. It was a heavy kind of silence that didn't usually occur between guys like us who were more like brothers than friends.

"Well, I was going to give you a bullshit excuse about calling to see if you were ready start classes tomorrow, but what I really want to do is ask you the same thing yourself." He paused for a beat. "What's up, Seth?" he asked knowingly.

I rolled my eyes and huffed a bit. I had no clue how to explain what was wrong without sounding completely whipped. I knew that Jake would get it. I just never pegged myself as one of those guys that would get all down in the dumps because of girl troubles.

"I, uh... _shit_," I mumbled weakly. What the hell was I supposed to say? _I'm feeling a bit insecure and frustrated because I haven't seen my girl in three days and I feel like she's pulling away from me and it's freaking me the _fuck _out?_

Yeah... no.

Jake chuckled under his breath softly.

"Let me guess... Olivia?" he asked smugly.

I rolled my eyes again, but this time I was shaking my head a bit at myself. Who did I think I was kidding? The other guys who had imprinted could always tell when something like this was up.

"Um, yeah," I breathed heavily.

"Did something happen? Everything seemed good after we talked the other day," he reminded me, and he was right. Everything _did_ seem good when I spoke with him the day after our little celebration party. He knew what I was planning to give her and ask her that night, and he was really happy for me when I told him how well it had gone.

I hadn't told him anything about what I learned about her past, though. I didn't want to go behind her back with something like that. She was finally starting to loosen up around him a bit, and she was a really private person, so I was pretty sure that telling him about her past would make her feel awkward and undo the progress they'd been making.

I had avoided hanging out with Jake in wolf form over the last few days for that very same reason. I needed some time to deal with what I'd learned and find a place to tuck it away in the back of my mind so I wouldn't be thinking about it when we phased together. I was pretty darn good at controlling my thoughts, after having years of practice, so I knew it wouldn't take long. But Jake had been coming with me for an hour or so every night that I patrolled around Olivia's place, just to hang out and stay loose. We hadn't done that together in almost a week. Combine that with the lack of phone calls, and I should have known that he'd figure something was up.

Only, now that he was asking me about it, I was struggling with how to tell him what I was worried about without spilling the beans about Olivia's confession of sorts. I had a very strong feeling that what we'd touched upon that night had something to do with the reason that she was avoiding me, or pulling away from me... or whatever it was that was going on.

I sighed and sucked it up, figuring that I might as well get it over with. He was probably going to find out sooner than later, and I didn't like avoiding him. I knew he'd never talk about it outside of talking to me, if I wanted to. Every wolf in the pack recognized how sacred and private anything to do with our other halves was, and we did our best to give them as much privacy as we could, all things considered.

But... I needed some advice and I definitely wasn't above going to Jake for it.

"I haven't seen her since that night," I confessed quietly, "and besides all of the good things that happened... some other things happened too that... weren't as good. I didn't think it was a problem, but now I'm pretty sure I was wrong about that."

Jake sighed heavily.

"Ok," he answered hesitantly. "What happened?"

"She told me some things about her past. Not much, but..." I trailed off, trying to find the right words. I fucking hated thinking about it. Talking about it was even worse. It made my muscles tense up and my heart start racing and the heat creep up along my spine. It was like repeating what she told me made it feel a bit more real... and I _hated _that it was real.

"You've gotta give me a little more than that, Seth," Jake said quietly. I knew he was trying his best to be respectful and not cross any lines, but he was right. I needed to tell him more if I wanted some help, and as much as I hated talking about it, I hated the distance between me and Olivia right now even more.

So I sucked it up again, and just spit it out. Literally. My jaw was clenched so tight that the words shot out of it like nails from a nail gun.

"She told me that she dated some asshole motherfucker in the past that didn't treat her very well."

There. I'd said it. And I wasn't a bit surprised that my mouth felt dry and bitter after spitting the ugly truth out.

Jake cursed lightly under his breath and hesitated before responding cautiously. Again, I could tell that he was trying not to pry.

"_How _did he... mistreat her?" he asked. I was really fucking grateful for his careful choice of words. Mistreatment sounded a lot better than hurt in my mind. I don't know why, but it didn't seem as harsh.

"I don't fucking know," I admitted quietly. "All she said was that he wasn't _kind_ to her, but -." _Fuck_. I thought about the look in her eyes when she told me. She didn't have to say anything else for me to know that it was more than that.

"I don't know, Jake," I continued. "Maybe I'm just getting all worked up over nothing, but... it seemed like _more_ than that. I could _feel_ it, you know?"

He sighed heavily. "Yeah, I do know. You can feel it in your gut when something's really wrong."

I knew that too. It was like a sixth sense our bond gave us about our other halves. I'd never felt it myself before, but there was no mistaking it once I did. It was like my gut and my heart were tied directly to hers. And when hers twisted and ached in pain, mine did too.

"I feel like she's been avoiding me the last couple of days," I continued, wanting to get the whole truth out there. "We barely talk and when we do it's usually because I call her after work and even then... she doesn't say much. Less than usual." I shuffled over to the couch and slumped down onto it, leaning my head back to stare up at the ceiling.

"I don't know what's going on and she won't let me in," I mumbled miserably, completely aware that to anyone besides another imprinted wolf I'd probably sound pretty pathetic at that point.

Jake was quiet for a minute or two, and so was I. I was busy trying to figure out how to bring it up with her myself if I needed to. I still didn't want to push her, though. I told her she didn't have to tell me anything and she flat out admitted that she wasn't ready to. But... where did that leave me when she was shutting me out like this?

To be honest, I was pretty fucking clueless about what to do next. I just knew that I missed her something awful and would do pretty much anything she asked me to do so that we could get back to the good thing we were starting together.

"Maybe she needs some space, Seth," Jake said quietly.

I groaned under my breath and shut my eyes tightly, hoping for any advice but that. I _missed_ her quiet voice and shy smiles and her bottomless blue eyes. I hadn't seen her in three whole days. To an imprinted wolf, that was damn near an eternity. Space was probably the hardest thing for me to give her at that point.

"Look, just hear me out, ok?" Jake asked, obviously hearing the exasperation in my groan and knowing first-hand how difficult it was for me to give my other half space when all I needed was to be close to her.

I kept my mouth shut and listened, hoping like hell that he would explain how keeping my distance for even longer would do anything to help me at that point.

He sighed and continued when he realized that I was planning on listening.

"I don't have any advice to give you when it comes to the relationship part of all of this, so maybe Jared or Sam would be better for you to talk to about that but... I _do_ know something about what girls Olivia and Nessie's age are like when they get upset." He paused there and I nodded to myself, knowing more than Jake how frustrated Nessie was feeling lately with their _lack_ of a relationship, and figuring that he's probably had quite a bit of experience dealing with her when she's got something on her mind and doesn't feel much like talking about it.

"Ok," I prompted.

"I don't have anything specific to tell you about what to do with or for Olivia, Seth, but I do know that when Nessie's upset about something or needs to think, she tends to shut everyone out... _including _me. She'll head to her room and play her guitar for hours or pop in her iPod and go for a run. When she was younger I could interrupt her and cheer her up with a joke or offer to take her mind off things with a game or movie, but these last few months have been different. She glares at me if I peek in on her to check if she's ok and she usually shakes her head at anything I suggest to help cheer her up. So I leave her alone for a few hours and she usually comes back less grumpy and somewhat sorted out. She sometimes tells me what it is that was bothering her, then. Not so much lately but... I'm guessing its girl stuff, maybe. Sometimes it's longer than hours, though. Right before we left to come here she went a whole day and a half without saying a word to me or anyone else. I was definitely worried about her and missed her like crazy the entire time, but Bella told me to leave her be. She said she was sorting herself out and the best thing I could do was give her the time and space she needed to do it – so I did. And it ended up working out for the best. She came to me first after that and told me that she was feeling really badly about being so excited to leave home and move up here for school with me, because she somehow felt like she made the decisions for both of us and wasn't sure that it was what _I_ really wanted to do."

I chuckled under my breath, knowing that she was half right and half completely wrong about that. Nessie was the one to decide to go away to school and ask Jake to go with her, but Jake was one hundred percent just as excited as she was about doing this with her. Every single thing they'd done together for her entire life had been in the shadow of her family and the packs. He saw this as a chance for them to just hang out and ... _be_. Not to mention that he was pretty fucking stoked about experiencing college for the first time with her. It was the first time they'd been able to do any sort of major life experience together, without Jake having done it first.

"I know, man. I know," Jake said, chuckling right along with me. "She was actually feeling guilty that I was doing all of this for _her_ and not getting anything out of it for myself. Crazy, right?"

"Yep," I agreed, knowing that Nessie was coming from a bit of a different place with her guilt than Jake figured. It was more complicated than that. But I would never say anything. He was right – either way he wouldn't have missed out on the opportunity to do this with her for the world.

"So you think Olivia's just... sorting herself out, too?" I asked hesitantly.

I knew that what Jake was saying about Nessie was true, I'd seen glimpsed of it in his thoughts anytime it happened. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was just taking some time to get herself straight. If that was the case... maybe giving her space really was the best thing I could do for her at that point, even if it hurt like hell to miss her like I did.

"Maybe, Seth. I don't know for sure. Does she talk to you? I mean _talk_, talk? I know she's really shy, so maybe it's just going to take her a little longer to get to the point where she can really talk about things. You guys haven't known each other as long as Nessie and I have. It has to be harder for her to open up..." he trailed off.

He was right. I knew he was. It was just that I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, especially tonight... more than the other nights. Maybe I'd just reached my limit of non-Olivia time. I mean, when heaven sends you a sweet angel like her, you want to spend your time appreciating and enjoying her, not intentionally staying away from her. But if it was what she _needed_... then it was just what I had to do.

"Ok," I sighed out heavily, "space. I think I can give her space," I mumbled grudgingly.

Jake chuckled again lightly. "I'd like to say it gets easier, bro, but it doesn't. Not really."

I knew he was telling the truth about that too. As a matter of fact, from what I'd seen it would probably only get harder. The more involved we got, the harder it would be to stay away. Especially when I felt like _I_ needed to be near her, like now.

"Thanks for keeping it real, Jake," I muttered sarcastically and then chuckled with him to let him know that I got what he was saying.

"It's just until tomorrow, Seth. You know you'll see her then," he said matter-of-factly.

"Right again, brother," I acknowledged. We had all but one of our classes together. I was taking a first year engineering course while she took art. I guess giving her space for one more night would be ok, considering that I'd get to see her for a large portion of the day tomorrow.

"You going to patrol around her dorm tonight? I can keep you company if you want," he suggested.

I thought about it for a minute. I really wanted to see her. Actually, I was pretty jumpy at the thought of being near enough to hear her and maybe see her through a window... but if I saw her or heard her I'd definitely want to call her, and that wouldn't be giving her space. In fact, hanging outside of her dorm and listening in on her night would be the opposite of giving her space.

"No, I think I'll stay in tonight," I said. The words felt wrong coming out of my mouth. I didn't _want _to stay in. I wanted to be near her.

"Ok," Jake said, "but feel free to call if you change your mind."

"I will. Thanks, Jake."

"Any time, Seth. Are you driving yourself tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I planned on it." I hadn't been driving my car too much since I'd been in Alaska because the weather was nice and everything was so close, but I was hoping to ask Olivia to grab a bite to eat with me after class. I wanted to take her to the Thai restaurant I ordered from a few nights ago. We'd have to drive there, since it was a bit farther out, so I'd definitely need my car.

"Ok, well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow in statistics." The first year math class was the only one that Jake and I had together. We were all taking first year history, but Jake and Nessie ended up in a different section than Olivia and I had.

"Definitely. See you then," I confirmed before we said our goodbyes and hung up.

I shut the phone with a deep sigh and stared at the screen, willing it to light up with her name. I wanted her to call. For some strange reason I felt almost desperate to hear her voice. I needed to see her so badly it almost made me tear up. Almost. And that was just not fucking normal for me, at all. After staring at it for what was probably close to ten minutes, I decided to give up staring and try my best to distract myself.

I headed for the bathroom and shed my shirt, jeans and boxers. I cranked the water in the shower up as hot as it would go and climbed in. I spent the next few minutes focusing on nothing but washing the dirt of my shift at work away.

Once I was clean I just... stood there. I leaned forward into the spray, braced my hands on the wall under the showerhead, and ducked my head forward out of the water and let the droplets rain down on my shoulders. I tried to focus on the sound of the light patter the water droplets made as they slapped my skin.

As they spattered away, I zoned out, trying to man up and calm the fuck down about everything. Worrying wasn't going to get me anywhere. I'd just have to wait it out.

I listened to the droplets for another minute or so, emptying my mind completely, so that all I could hear was the little splats and drips of the droplets against my skin. I noticed a lot more splatters and drops by this point in my shower – bigger ones, too and figured that it was probably raining outside.

The sounds changed from splats and drips to splats, drops, louder wet slaps, and drips then. When I focused even more I noticed that the louder wet slaps were definitely pounding out their own subtle rhythm. They were definitely not part of the random water from the shower and the rain. They seemed to be pretty far out, but were getting closer.

I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, drying off as I tried to place the steadily approaching rhythm. It almost sounded like... someone jogging. But the steps weren't as heavy as they should have been for a full grown adult, and what kid would be out jogging around at eleven at night?

It didn't make any sense. 

I tossed on my jeans hastily and focused on the sound as closely as I could. It wasn't far away now, just a couple of houses away now. And it was definitely a jogger. I could now hear the distinct sound of the rubber soles of their shoes slapping the pavement.

I had just slipped my shirt on over my head when I heard the jogger approach the house... _and then turn down our driveway. _

I didn't even think about what I did next. I just followed my gut when it literally lurched toward the door to my apartment. I flew out of the bathroom and was up the stairs in what was probably less than a couple of seconds.

I tore the door open and gasped at the sight in front of me.

There she was standing on my doorstep in yoga pants and a t-shirt, soaked from head to toe, panting and shivering almost violently in the cool night air and cradling one of her wrists to her chest.

"Olivia," I breathed. I reached out slowly and cradled her shoulders gently in my hands. Her shivering lessened a bit when I pulled her into my chest and out of the rain. She looked up at me then, red-eyed and in some kind of panicked daze without saying a word.

"Did you... run here?" I asked incredulously.

She nodded mechanically.

I huffed out a surprised breath. It was a good five mile jog from her apartment to mine. It was cold and it was late. I knew she liked to run at the gym, but five miles was almost double the distance she said she normally did.

I didn't ask her anything else, just leaned down slowly and scooped her little body up in my arms, shut the door with my foot and carried her down the stairs. I could feel her shaking subside a bit as she laid her head on my shoulder and curled into me. I walked us toward the couch and sat with her curled up in my lap.

She shivered and shook and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, holding her to me to keep her warm.

I knew... I just _knew _that she needed me tonight. I should have known that it was wrong to ignore my gut. I needed to be near her... because _she_ needed me.

My angel somehow fell tonight. She was shaken and scared and drowning in rain and panic. I could see it in her eyes. And as of that moment, I was officially getting panicked with her.

_What the hell happened?_

"Liv," I breathed, trying to stay calm for her, "what happened?"

No answer.

"Liv, please..." I pled with a shaky voice. I needed her to talk to me. I needed to help her but I didn't know what the fuck was wrong. "What's wrong?"

Nothing.

I grit my teeth in frustration and hugged her to me a bit tighter before releasing one arm and reaching around to her face. I ran the back of my middle and forefingers across her cheek slowly and gently until she took the hint and lifted her head off of my shoulder to look at me.

And her _eyes_... her eyes were swimming with chaos.

"Are you ok?" I whispered desperately.

And then finally, I got my answer. It was whispered and stuttered and it seemed like she practically had to shake it free from her body, but she managed to get it out to me.

"No."

* * *

**Bet you weren't counting on a cliffie of any sort in this fic were you? *smiles* You all should really know better. If you've already read Wicked Games you would know how much I _love_ a good cliffie every now and again, lol.**

**Shepeppy (who is my beta, for those of you who don't read my little disclaimer at the top of each chapter) asked me a question about Seth's phone after reading this chapter. Yes, for those of you who are wondering, Seth cell phone is a good old fashoined _flip phone_. There are a few references in the fic already about him flipping it open or closed to answer or end a call. I won't go into detail about what this kind of phone is like, but I will say that if you're not old enough to know or remember what a flip phone is or how it functions, I am inclined ot believe that you are ignoring the 'M' rating of this fic. For those of you wondering why he uses an archaic phone, the answer is simple. Seth doesn't have a lot of money. The phone works just fine - why waste money on a new one if it's not necessary. Olivia is very much in the same boat. There is a reference to this in an earlier chapter (5, I think, but don't quote me on that).**

**Sooo... any guesses about what has happened to Olivia? **

**I hope that the next chapter will be out to you as quickly as this one. Mr. Hitchy is going on a business trip for a few days. This could lead to countless evening hours of productive writing, or it could lead to a few exhausted evenings after having my kidlet all to myself for a few days. Keep your fingers crossed for me!**

**That's it for now. **

**Until next time,**

**Hitchy**


	12. Answers

**Hello and welcome to the readers who followed me here from Twilighted.! I'd like to start by apologizing for the delay of posting on that site. The validator for this fic on that site has been... pokey, to say the least. The last chapter was submitted for almost an entire month before she validated it. I encourage any and all of you to try reading this fic on here, instead. Updates are still not as quick as WG (I had the majority of that one pre-written, and I'm writing this one as I go), but they are much faster than what they have been on Twilighted. Thanks to all of you who made your way over here!**

**Chapter Song: I'm In here ~ Sia (piano/vocal version) ****It's for Olivia, even though the chapter is in Seth's POV. Hopefully you can see why after you've read it. This version of it great. Classic Sia. Hit up YouTube and give it a listen if you like her stuff.**

**A couple fo reviewers asked me which part of Wicked Games the last chapter of Lost Together overlapped with. The answer is none. Wicked Games began roughly in the beginning of November in the same year. We're currently in September _before _that entire fic started. Hope that clears things up!**

**So, I left you with a cliffie. After avoiding him for a few days, Olivia showed up at Seth's door clutching her wrist and in really bad shape emotionally. Let's get to it...**

**Many thanks to _shepeppy_. If you all don't know why she's the best by now, I'd say you've been skipping out on WAY too many of my author's notes, lol!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own the answers in this fic.**

***Warning - Some sensitive material ahead. Read with caution.***

* * *

I'm in here, can anybody see me?  
Can anybody help?

I'm in here, a prisoner of history,  
Can anybody help?

_Chorus_

_Can't you hear my call?_  
_Are you coming to get me now?_  
_I've been waiting for,_  
_You to come rescue me,_  
_I need you to hold,_  
_All of the sadness I can not,_  
_Living inside of me._

I'm in here, I'm trying to tell you something,  
Can anybody help?

I'm in here, I'm calling out but you can't hear,  
Can anybody help?

_Chorus_

I'm crying out, I'm breaking down,  
I am fearing it all,  
Stuck inside these walls,  
Tell me there is hope for me  
Is anybody out there listening?

_Chorus x 2_

I'm in here, can anybody see me?  
Can anybody help?

_I'm In Here ~ Sia_

**SPOV**

"Let me look at it," I whispered in a soft plea. She was still cradling her wrist to her chest. I didn't know what the fuck to do. I just felt this desperate need to help her. I was literally itching and feeling antsy with it, like my skin was crawling just to get her and do anything to make her feel better.

I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that whatever was wrong went way beyond her wrist, though. I'd looked her over carefully from head to toe after she told me that she wasn't ok. She was visibly shivering and seemed really stiff, but other than her wrist I couldn't find anything else wrong with her, physically. Still, she was sitting there, all adrenaline and nerves, panicked and clinging to me, so I knew I needed to do _something_. And since she wasn't talking to me the only indicator I had about what was wrong was the fact that she was holding her wrist.

Had she tried to lift something heavy at work and hurt herself? Did she fall and land on it on the way home? If that was the case, why hadn't she just called? I would have driven over to her apartment to get her or help her out. She didn't need to run all the way to my place. If one of those things had happened, why was she so... _out of it_? I couldn't put my finger on it, but something just wasn't adding up.

When half a minute passed without an answer I frowned and stared down into her eyes helplessly. She just kind stared back at me. Well, she was looking in my direction and at my eyes, but the thing was - I didn't know if she was really even seeing me at that point. I knew she could at least hear me otherwise she wouldn't have answered me before...

_So why isn't she answering now?_

"Please, Liv?" I asked, quickly reaching out towards the hand that covered her injured wrist. I skimmed my fingertips over her knuckles, hoping to coax her into letting it go. No such luck. The hand around her wrist tightened and she pulled back slightly, easing away from my touch. I still had my other arm wrapped around her back and shoulders, so as she flinched away she leaned into my arm.

That little flinch that made something click inside of me, though. I'd seen her like this before. She was tense, and seemed to be kind of 'checked out' mentally... but it was the _adrenaline_ in the air and the flinch that made me put two and two together. She'd only jumped away from me like that once before.

She was acting exactly the same way that she had the day that I met her – with the exception of the injured wrist.

Which meant that she wasn't just hurt; _she was absolutely terrified._

_Shit, Seth, why didn't you see this before? _I berated mentally. I'd been so preoccupied with making sure that she wasn't physically hurt anywhere else that I hadn't put her body language together with the amount of adrenaline rolling off her skin.

She was frozen and shaking in _fear_, not just pain. Actually, I wouldn't have been surprised if she wasn't feeling any pain at all with the all that adrenaline racing around her system. It was so strong that the tangy scent of it had pretty much saturated the air around us. The room was thick with it. It was probably how she'd been able to run so far from her apartment to mine, too. She wouldn't have felt the pain and the burn in her muscles at all. She was probably just running on autopilot, motivated to move by whatever scared her and fuelled by her adrenaline.

_Ok... so I can help her. I helped her that day, and I can do it again. I just have to remember how..._

I thought back to how I'd acted around her that first day and realized that I was relatively calm. I'd taken things really slowly and I'd been really patient with her, both because she was scared and because I was reeling from the imprint.

I sucked in a deep breath and did my best to calm myself down.

_Be patient, go at her pace, _I told myself. _She'll come around._

I slowly wrapped my free arm around her again, resting my hand on her forearm below the one that was gently gripping her shoulder so that I was hugging her from the side. Her eyes seemed to calm a bit the second I had her wrapped up in me again, and I breathed a tiny sigh of relief at that. At least something seemed to be helping.

Within seconds she broke our gaze by lowering her head to my shoulder again, leaving her forehead resting on my neck. I noticed that the skin on her brow was clammy and damp as it rested against mine, and that worried me a bit because I wasn't sure if she was sweating from the run, or if she was running a temperature.

Almost as soon as her head was ducked down into my shoulder she started breathing deeply. It wasn't the good kind of even breathing that happens when your body starts calming itself down, though. It was forced. She was deliberately taking deep breaths through her nose and letting them out through her mouth. It couldn't have been easy for her. I could feel the tension in her back muscles under my arm, which she was pulling at and stretching with each inhale. Her entire body seemed to shake, deflate and collapse in on itself with each exhale too. I waited it out with her, just rubbing her arm and letting her breathe it out. By the time she got to the height of her fourth inhale I heard her whimper softly. I rubbed her arm a bit more firmly with my hand in an effort to help her calm down because it damn near broke my heart to see her suffering like she was. The deep breathing was working, she was shaking a bit less and her muscles seemed to relax just the tiniest bit with each one, but I could tell that it was hard work.

I realized that I'd gotten lucky and made the right choice by rubbing her arm when she started to relax even further after the firm contact. So I kept doing it and held her close as she breathed deeply and calmed herself down. It took a while, but after her thirty-sixth deep breath, I felt her body relax. I was surprised that it happened kind of suddenly. It was like a key turned in a lock deep inside of her and she suddenly released her tension. Her shoulders slumped forward a bit, her hips unlocked, letting her knees drift off to the side and rest against my ribs and she finally took her first full, tension and shudder-free breath.

"Seth," she half-whispered half-whimpered as soon as she relaxed.

My body responded to the plea in her voice immediately. My shoulders and back straightened out, my senses were on high alert and my skin was prickling. She needed something and whatever it was, she was getting it. Come hell or high water, I would make sure of that.

"Yeah?" I breathed while shifting my head to the side and down, trying to get a glimpse of her face.

"It hurts," she rasped.

My heart clenched and balled up in my throat at hearing her admit that she was in pain. I knew that she was injured, but since the panic and adrenaline were starting to wear off she was probably just starting to feel it. My only priority now was to find out if it was just her wrist, or if there was something else wrong that I couldn't see.

"Is it just your wrist?" I asked tentatively.

She nodded and slowly lowered her arms, resting her forearms on her bent knees. Her fingers slowly unfurled to reveal her tiny, pale wrist for me to see.

I was pretty damn relieved when she confirmed that her wrist was the only thing that was hurting her – which lasted for all of about two seconds, because by then she had completely revealed her injury to me.

I sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth as I assessed the damage. The pale, smooth skin on the back of her wrist was marked with four large, round, red welts. The joint itself didn't look swollen or bruised, which was good because that meant that she hadn't sprained or broken anything, but these marks would definitely settle into deep bruises by the next day. As I tilted my head down to get a closer look I noticed that there was more red on the side of her arm, beside the round red marks, just under her wrist bone.

I let go of her forearm and reached forward to slip my hand under the hand above her injury. I closed my fingers gently around her palm and rubbed the centre of it with my thumb, trying to soothe her in any way I could.

"Can I lift it?" I asked in a whisper. I wanted to get a better look at the other side of her wrist and see whether or not it was red as well.

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the red marks in front of her. I didn't like the way she was looking at them. She was frowning and her brows were pulled together so tightly that she was squinting a bit. It was almost as if she was angry at them. But at the same time her eyes were just – hurt. There was no other way to describe it. Whatever it was that she was thinking about those marks made her heart ache, and of course, mine was suffering right along with hers.

I lifted her hand slowly, being really careful not to bend her wrist in any way, just in case I was wrong and she had done some serious damage to it. I frowned so deeply it was almost a scowl when I saw that the other side of her wrist was tinged pinkish red, too.

_Ouch, that has to hurt, _I thought to myself as I carefully set her wrist back down on her knees.

"Ice?" I asked her softly, knowing that if we didn't put ice on it, it would swell and the bruises would be even bigger tomorrow.

She nodded slowly. "Please," she whispered faintly, still staring at her hand.

I shifted my free arm so that it was under her knees and then rose out of my seat, carrying her with me. I turned and slowly lowered her back down into the corner of the couch. When I set her down and started to straighten out, her good hand shot out and latched onto my forearm. She looked up at me, her big blue eyes still full of pain and hurt, but now tinged with confusion.

I smiled sadly, half happy that she wanted me to be near her and half seriously concerned that she didn't seem to understand why I needed to set her down.

"I have to go to the kitchen to get it, angel," I murmured.

She blinked rapidly and shook her head slightly before swallowing hard, nodding and slowly releasing my arm.

"I'll be right back," I whispered, and darted off to the kitchen. I grabbed a big plastic zipper baggie and a thin dishcloth that was hanging on my stove, before wheeling over to the fridge, grabbing an ice tray out of the freezer and filling the bottom of the bag with ice. I only used half the tray, so I set the rest back in the freezer while I shifted the cubes in the bag around to cover the bottom completely.

I walked back over to the couch as I zipped it shut. I glanced up from the bag once I was standing in front of her, to find her curled up again, knees to her chest, wrists on her knees, head up, eyes staring straight ahead. And I was disappointed to see that she was already shaking again. That's when I realized that she must have been cold. Her clothes were still wet, except for the parts that had been touching me while I held her and her hair was dripping onto her back and the couch. She was probably warm enough sitting with me, but on her own and dripping wet, she must have been freezing.

I whipped around, grabbed the thin duvet off of my bed, not caring in the slightest that all the pillows flew off onto the floor when I yanked the blanket out from under them, and brought it over to her. I squatted down in front of her so that we were eye level with each other.

"I brought you a blanket, too. Are you cold?" I asked.

She met my glaze, blinked twice blankly, and then seemed to process my question. She nodded and I didn't waste any time grabbing the blanket from where I'd put it on the floor and draping it over her shoulders.

After that I gently reached out for her wrist and once again stroked the knuckles of her fingers as she held onto it. This time, she released them for me right away. I wrapped the ice baggie up with the dishcloth and then held it in one hand, while I lifted her wrist with the other. I set the ice down on her knee, lowered her wrist to it gently, and then wound the sides of the cloth around the rest of her wrist. I was glad that I'd chosen the large baggie, because the ice managed to wrap all the way around. I was careful not to put any pressure on it as I wrapped it and was relieved to see that she hadn't even flinched throughout the whole process. When I was done, she used her free hand to pull the duvet to her chest and wrap it around herself tightly while I sat down on the couch next to her.

We sat silently for a few minutes. I wanted to know what happened to her, but I was still kind of hoping that she'd sort herself out and talk to me without me having to prompt her to do it. All of the lights in the apartment were off except for the dim one above the stove in the kitchen, but even just looking at her skin with the bluish moonlight coming through the windows I could see that she was still pale. I felt kind of helpless just sitting there as she stared at the unlit fireplace with hurt behind her eyes, and wondered if there was anything else I should do for her. I was just about to get up and grab her a glass of water, figuring that she was probably feeling a bit dehydrated after her long run, when she spoke.

"I decided to do some laundry when I got home from work," she rasped quietly, still staring straight ahead at the fireplace.

I took a deep breath and shuffled forward to sit on the edge of the couch next to her so that she could see me nod. I didn't want to interrupt her by actually speaking. I could tell by the tone of her voice that this was just the beginning and that she was about to tell me about what happened to her.

"My mom called while I was throwing a load in the machine, so I was kind of distracted. Well, a lot distracted, actually. I was telling her about you and what... what you are to me," she said hesitantly. I nodded again, not really understanding or liking the hesitation in her voice when it came to this particular subject. I didn't want an explanation about it more than I wanted to hear the rest of her story, though, so again, I didn't interrupt.

"Things got a little... _intense. _She, um," she swallowed thickly and continued shakily, "she doesn't think I'm... _ready_... to have a boyfriend," she whispered. "We don't usually argue, but... we did this time. I just wanted to talk and she wouldn't listen... so by the time we'd hung up, I was pretty upset."

I frowned and sighed down my nose, looking down at the rug and thinking about whether or not this was the reason that she'd been avoiding me for the past few days. I couldn't help but think about her dad and her family's strong religious background, and I wondered if maybe that was why her parents, or at least her mom, didn't want her to date. She would have known that when she said yes to me. Maybe she was having second thoughts. I didn't really know what I was supposed to say about that. I didn't want her to fight with her mom or feel like she had to choose between me and her parents, but at the same time I didn't want to give her up. It was selfish, and I knew that, but... Olivia didn't say that _she_ didn't think she was ready to date. Just that her parents weren't ready for it. And that was what really mattered to me. _She_ obviously felt that she was - strongly enough that she had a disagreement with her mom about it. And if she wanted to be with me I certainly wouldn't argue. We could figure out how to deal with her parents together later, if we needed to.

"I cried for a minute or so after I hung up, and that was why I didn't hear him come in," she said quietly, her tone suggesting that she was just now figuring that part of the night out.

I probably should have been worried about the fact that she was just now putting some of the details of the night together in her head, but I couldn't because my head was too busy whipping back around toward hers at the mention of the word _'him'_.

"You didn't hear _who _come in?" I asked cautiously. I was suddenly really tense, remembering one particular 'him' that would have been in her building tonight that I didn't want anywhere near her.

"John," she whispered, still staring blankly ahead.

Now, I am usually a calm and peaceful guy. I don't like violence and have never gone looking for a fight. But that all changed the second she uttered that shithead's name.

She was scared and hurt - _fucking bruised _– and if that motherfucker had something to do with it, I was going to kick his ass three ways from Sunday, no questions asked.

"What did he do to you?" I murmured through a clenched jaw, forcing the growl that was threatening to rumble up my chest and through my throat back down. The last thing she needed was something else to scare her tonight. But I needed to know if that piece of shit was involved in whatever the fuck happened and how she got those marks on her arm so I would know just how badly I needed to lay into him after I hunted that bastard down.

She shook her head as if she was confused and didn't understand the question.

"Liv, did he do this to you?" I asked directly.

She shook her head again and clenched her eyes shut.

"No," she whispered. "It's not his fault. I did it to myself."

"What? How?" I asked, feeling totally fucking confused at that point.

"I..." she started and then paused to take a deep, shaky breath. "I was crying and upset... and well, _angry_ at my mom - _really_ angry and hurt. So when the phone rang again, and I saw that it was her, I didn't want to speak to her again. It - it would have been pointless. She wasn't being reasonable and she wasn't listening to me. I didn't even realize that I'd raised my hand to throw my phone until he stopped me." She sniffled shook her head, furrowing her brow as if she was still trying to make sense of it all herself.

She must have been really upset. Crying and throwing things was not like Olivia at all.

"John must have been behind me and caught my wrist before I could throw it," she whispered. "But I didn't even know he was _there_," she exclaimed shakily, "and he _sacred_ me. I wasn't expecting anyone else to be around. So when he held on to my arm, I jumped and panicked and I – I really, _really_, panicked, and I pulled my arm and tried to get away..."

Her words started to tumble out quickly and quietly, one on top of the other at that point.

"But he was stronger than me, and he was saying something about me falling, but I didn't really care, and he wouldn't stop talking and he _wouldn't let me go_," she stated pointedly.

The panic in her eyes was plain to see at that moment. It was hard to make out what had really happened because she was speaking so quickly and it was all rushing together, but it was clear to me that he'd freaked her right out by grabbing her arm like he did. And I didn't care _what_ the reason was for continuing to hold it when she tried to pull away, he should have let her go the _second _she resisted it. But I knew from firsthand experience that the dense motherfucker obviously doesn't know how to take a hint, so he didn't, and she got hurt. In my mind it was still his fault. What kind of creep sneaks up on a girl like that? And regardless of whether or not she was going to fall, holding on to her tightly enough to hurt and fucking bruise her was just inex-fucking-scusable in my books.

I felt the growl I suppressed earlier rumble soundlessly through my chest. I hoped for his sake that the piece of shit had found a good place to hide, because the next time I saw him he was going to get a piece of my mind, and both of my fists.

_We'll see how _he _handles being held scared and against his will_.

"So I pulled and I pulled, and then he spun me around off of my stool, and then he just - let go," she continued. "And then he was so _angry_, and I was just - I couldn't – I freaked out. So I ran..." she trailed off, signalling the end of her story, up unitl she ran out to my place. I didn't doubt that she was telling the truth, and that she wasn't leaving anything important out, but she'd been in such a rush to get it all out that she seemed to skip over details. I needed to get some answers, so I decided it was time to start asking questions.

I decided to start with the most important thing on my list first. She said that he was angry with her, and I wanted to know why. As far as I could see it, she hadn't done anything to warrant him getting upset or going off on her. If anything, she should be the one upset with him for sneaking up on her like he did.

"Liv, why was he upset with you?"

She sighed shakily and shook her head.

"I don't know," she murmured. "That's why I left. I couldn't stay or even go upstairs, knowing that he was just down the hall. He was so mad... I couldn't make out what he was saying. And I was... I just..." she trailed off again and shook her head at herself.

"I panicked," she stated in a whisper. I couldn't understand why she sounded so _sad._ Her voice, her slumped shoulders and even her eyes gave me the impression that she was upset with herself for panicking. I didn't get it at all. He grabbed her and scared her. She had every right to freak out.

"Olivia," I whispered back. "He scared you, he was angry, and he _hurt_ you. You were right to run," I explained and then decided to add a little more because, as odd as it felt to me, she seemed to need to hear it. "It's ok to be upset about it."

"No," she shook her head vehemently, "it's not." Her eyes flashed and her jaw set a bit as she denied her own right to be upset at him. I was shocked, to say the least. I don't think I'd ever seen her _insist_ on _anything_. But she was definitely insisting on this. In her mind, this was her fault, not John's.

"I don't remember much after he grabbed my arm," she continued "but I know that he was just trying to keep me from throwing my phone at first. _I _was the one who caused it to get out of hand. _I _freaked out on _him_ and he didn't know why... and that's not his fault."

She sighed and shook her head at herself yet again.

"I didn't see it at the time, but he probably would have let go of me if I hadn't been pulling so hard to get away from him. He kept me from breaking my phone and he was probably trying to keep me from falling off of my stool, but I wouldn't listen. No... I _couldn't _listen," she mumbled sadly, "and that's just not his fault."

I was still feeling really confused about things. She was making statements here and there that had me worried once I started to put them together. Things like - 'I really, _really_ panicked', the way she emphasized the fact that he _wouldn't let her go_, the fact that she really didn't seem to remember all of the details of what happened, and that she said that she 'couldn't' listen to what he was saying - all had me really concerned that there was something else going on. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to this than she was telling me.

"So," I whispered carefully, still not wanting to push her, but needing to acknowledge the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I needed to put the rest of this puzzle together so that I could help her, "you're saying that he startled you, and you panicked, but he didn't _mean _to hurt you?"

She nodded slowly.

"It wasn't his fault," she murmured. "I have panic attacks sometimes," she admitted hesitantly. "You've seen one before; or, at least, the beginning of one."

She lowered her eyes self-consciously to gaze at her lap. I knew that she was talking about the day we met, and how she reacted to those guys in the store. I still didn't know _why_ she was afraid of those two. She'd never brought it up, and I never asked. I saw a common thread between the two panic attacks tonight, though, that sent a chill straight down my spine, followed by a flash of searing heat. Both times she'd panicked, she was alone and dealing with men. My thoughts immediately strayed to the piece of information that she'd shared the other night about her 'less than kind' former boyfriend, and this seemed like the biggest piece of proof that I'd had yet about my awful suspicions.

My heart sank into my stomach as I clasped my hands together tightly between my knees to keep them from balling into fists. Her defeated posture, self-conscious gaze and all of the silent clues I'd noticed tonight and other nights, finally banded together in my mind to form one very large, red flag, that I just couldn't ignore. It was just too obvious now...

My girl was hurt – badly. So badly that, because of whatever that so-called boyfriend of hers did to her in the past did, she _still _had panic attacks around other men. It was all starting to make sense now. Her naturally shy and quiet demeanour was extreme around other guys – to the point that she almost avoided them. She hid behind it and used it as protection... but _why_?

_What the hell did he do to her?_

I took a deep breath and sat up, double checking my limbs to make sure that I was still keeping my inner wolf in check. My hands were steady, and the whisper of heat that was throbbing lightly in my spine was steady, not growing, so I knew that I was ok. I scooted closer to her until my side was flush with hers and gently wrapped my arms her shoulders, over the thin quilt, down her arms and then slipped my hands under hers small, soft ones. I grasped them gently in mine, being especially careful with the one with the injured wrist, and rubbed my thumbs over her palms. She sighed and seemed to release some of the tension she'd been holding on to, before leaning her head down against my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Seth," she whispered, then took a full and very shaky breath.

"Don't be," I whispered and kissed the top of her head, inhaling the scent of chocolate and sweet cherries off of her hair. I didn't want her to feel badly about anything –not avoiding me for a few days while she sorted herself out, not panicking when that fucker snuck up on her in the laundry room, and definitely not for coming to me when she needed help, which she obviously did tonight. I wanted her to be comfortable with me and I wanted to help her anyway that I could, but I knew that there was only one way for that to happen – and at that point I had to acknowledge to myself that I didn't think it was going to be easy for either of us.

It was time to get some answers about what was _really_ bothering her.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?" she breathed.

"Talk to me?" I asked in earnest. I needed her to open up and let me in.

She froze in my arms. She seemed to understand what I was asking about, even if I wasn't very specific.

Finally, after a full and heavy moment of silence, she nodded.

"I... I met Travis when I was in second year," she started. She spoke softly, as always, but even more cautiously than she normally did. Her obvious hesitancy to talk made me even more hesitant to listen, but I knew it was for the best, so I shoved those uneasy feelings aside, told myself to man up, and focused my energy on her.

"He was a senior football player. My best friend at the time, Anna, had convinced me to go out for cheerleading with her. I wasn't really outgoing enough to make the cheer squad, but because of my size I was really easy to lift, so the coach made an exception. I didn't do very much and was only involved in one of their four routines. I wasn't as shy back then..." she whispered and trailed off while I smiled to myself incredulously, trying to picture my shy, beautiful girl in a _cheerleading _outfit, being lifted or tossed in the air by her friends.

"About half way through the season Anna told me that she and her boyfriend were headed out to the coffee shop after practice one day... and that Travis asked her if she thought I would go if he went, too. I was," she paused, searching for words, "_flattered_, and kind of shocked. Travis was popular and two years older than me. He could have had his pick of any girl in any grade in the school, but he was asking about _me_. I was still pretty quiet, even back then, so I wasn't sure what to say. I'd never been on a date before – no one had ever asked me. But Anna convinced me to go. She said that I'd be crazy to turn him down just because I was nervous when pratically every other girl in the school wanted him. I couldn't argue that with her and, like I said, I was flattered... so I said yes."

I frowned, not liking the idea of her agreeing to date a senior when she was only in tenth grade. It's not that I blamed the guy for being interested in her – who wouldn't be – but as popular as he was, it struck me as odd that he didn't even ask her out himself. He had to go through her friend to do it. Now, because I am a guy myself, I know that there's only one reason a guy goes through a girl's friend when he needs something; it's because we know they trust each other, and that if the friend is asking, he'll probably get what he wants. Apparently this Travis guy was relying on Olivia's trust in Anna to get her to go out with him. And it worked.

"We hung out a few times with our friends over the next month and somewhere along the way Travis started calling me his girlfriend." She shook her head and sighed. "I didn't argue, even though he'd never officially asked me."

_Wait, what? He didn't even ask her? He just decided to be her boyfriend and that was it? He really didn't like leaving the decisions up to her, did he?_

"After that we hung out a few times after practice on our own. We didn't go anywhere special because my parents didn't know that we were dating – they wouldn't have approved. So we usually just hung out around the field or the gym after practice and talked a bit. Travis always said that he hated that we didn't have any privacy because there were always people hanging around the school, which was true. We were never really alone. It was hard to talk and get to know each other with people around all the time. So when he said that he wanted to take me out on a _real _date I told him that I liked the idea but didn't think I would be able to because my parents didn't want me dating until I turned sixteen the following year." She sighed deeply and then hesitated a bit before continuing.

"He was the one who came up with the idea of lying and saying that I was at Anna's to do it," she mumbled regretfully. "And I... liked him... so I accepted. I knew that it was only a matter of time before he'd get bored and frustrated with the shy preacher's daughter and all of her father's rules, so I thought I could get around the problem by lying for a little while. It seemed like my only option if I wanted to keep seeing him."

Another piece of the puzzle fit in for me with that little bit of information. I couldn't understand earlier why her mom would be upset about her not being ready to date at almost eighteen years old, especially considering the fact I knew that she'd had at least one boyfriend before. This was making a lot more sense. Travis convinced her, a fifteen year old junior, to lie to her parents to be able to go out with him. They had no idea. Olivia wasn't the type to lie. If she said that she was going out with her friend they would have had no reason not to believe her.

_Ok, so he manipulated her - a lot. He used her friend to get her to go out with him. He assumed his own status as her boyfriend. And he convinced her to lie to her parents so that he could get her alone. _

I could see why she labelled him as unkind for the way he treated her. He seemed like he was a bit controlling and he was definitely taking advantage of the fact that she was shy and not really outspoken, by speaking for her. In my mind, that didn't make him 'unkind', though. It made him a complete prick_. _

I had no idea whether or not Olivia was describing these things to me just to give me a history of what their relationship – if you could even call it that – was like, or if she now recognized how she'd been played by him and that was part of how he hurt her. I felt my arms instinctively tighten around her, just a tiny bit, in protection. I didn't like the thought of someone taking advantage of her that way. She was too sweet and too kind for her own good. And this son-of-a-bitch seemed to have recognized that and used it against her.

"We only went on two official dates," she continued. "I was really uncomfortable lying to my parents both times, but I did it because it was the only way I could see him outside of school." I could tell by the tone in her voice when she admitted to lying to them that she didn't like doing it and definitely regretted it. I had to admit that knowing what I knew about her, it didn't seem like the type of thing she would do. She couldn't have been very good at it, either. It just wasn't in her nature to lie to people.

"I said that I was going over to Anna's, which was where my mom dropped me off. The first time both Anna and I got ready and she went out with her boyfriend Jeremy, while I went with Travis to the movies."

She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly and as she did, her shoulders crept up a bit. She was getting tense. I could feel that this was it. Whatever was coming next was what I'd been waiting to hear. Her hands started to shake lightly in mine, so I put a little more pressure on her palms as I rubbed them with my thumbs, hoping to soothe her a bit while she got herself ready to tell me what happened next. Her shaking slowed down a bit, and I kissed her hair again, making her a silent promise to keep doing whatever she needed to be able talk about this. I could tell it wasn't easy for her and I wanted to help her any way that I could.

"On our second date... Travis surprised me by taking me to his parent's house. They were out for the evening celebrating their anniversary, so he rented a movie for us to watch at his house. He's an only child, like me, so we were alone."

She paused and took a deep breath again. The shaking in her hands got worse. I tried increasing the pressure of my thumbs again, but unlike last time, it didn't do anything to help her. This time she held the breath she'd taken. She kind of swallowed it back and it made her jerk a bit, like she was swallowing a huge lump in her throat, causing her chest to rise stiffly before she continued.

"We watched most of the movie together on the couch, eating popcorn and... and, um," she paused and lowered her voice to whisper, "k-kissing... a bit."

The muscles in my face went slack and I swear to God I literally felt the colour slither out of my face when I heard the pain in her voice as she stumbled over the word 'kissing'.

_Red flag. Big fucking red flag._

I did _not _like where this was going. They were alone in his house. He 'surprised' her by bringing her there - so no one else knew where she was. And suddenly, she was tense and nervous over talking about _kissing _him.

"By the time the movie was over he was, um... he was... touching me..." she whispered and shuddered lightly.

_Oh hell no. No._

She squirmed uncomfortably in her own skin as I started burning in mine.

"... and pulling at my clothes."

_No._

"I didn't know what to do," she whispered shakily. "We'd never done anything more than kissing, and I didn't want-."

Her voice cracked.

She stopped abruptly.

And then she was silent – totally and completely silent.

_No. Oh God. No._

My eyes slammed shut and my entire body tensed, hot and alive with pain and anger as my mind tossed me images of some faceless monster, leering at her, putting his hands on her, making her uncomfortable and scared. Over and over again they flew at me and I tossed them all out as fast as I could with a 'no', silently begging it to stop and somehow make that _not _have been true.

"I couldn't make him stop," she rasped, closing her own hands into tight fists around my thumbs and shuddering from head to toe.

_I couldn't make him stop._

Her words repeated in my head, banging around my skull. They were ordinary words, implying ugly things and I wanted them gone.

She_ couldn't_ make him stop.

She couldn't _make_ him stop.

She was pale, cold and shuddering in my arms. I was hot and shaking around her. I felt my stomach churn as her words repeated themselves in my head again and again.

_I couldn't make him stop. _

"Liv?" I choked out sadly, half wanting her to say something, half wondering if I could handle what she would tell me. I couldn't believe it. I didn't _want_ to believe it. My sweet, shy and gorgeous girl was telling me that she'd been lied to, manipulated and – and, Jesus fucking Christ - was she _forced _to_... _to..._?_

_Holy hell. Holy FUCKING hell. Tell me this isn't happening. Tell me this isn't what I think it is._

"Olivia...?" I began again.

She hadn't said another word. I wanted her to deny it. I wanted her to tell me that it wasn't true, that I was guessing wrong. But the thing was, I knew in my gut that I wasn't.

I'd wanted answers, and I got them.

Her response finally came in the form of hot, wet tears soaking through the shoulder of my shirt and the near silent whispering of the only thing I could have heard from her at that point that could make things worse. Her voice was robotic, and was filled with sadness and defeat that nearly killed me as much as the actual words did.

"I tried to fight him off. But he was so _strong_ and big. Bigger than you."

Did you know that stomachs can _literally_ roll? I do. Mine did.

_Fight. _She tried to fucking _fight _him. I didn't need to know what the guy looked like to know that there was no way it was a fair fight, but, _fuck_... what she'd just said? He was _bigger _than me? It was... I couldn't even imagine - didn't _want_ to think about... I... _shit_. At six foot two and two hundred twenty five pounds I was over a foot taller than her and I was willing to bet that I was at least _double_ her body weight. She was so _tiny_, and he was a football player. Those guys are always built, but this guy sounded like he was completely jacked. Not to mention that he was two years older than her. She wouldn't have stood a chance.

_Jesus Christ. _

My body didn't seem to know what to do with any of this shit. One second I was tense with rage, heat flashing up my spine, strong and steady and the next I was cold as ice, shocked and disgusted, stomach rolling and churning in waves. The one thing I couldn't seem to stop doing was shaking. If it weren't for the flashes of cold, I would have let her go and cleared out across the room from her to keep her safe. As it was, I loosened my hold on her a bit, just in case. I was working really hard to keep myself together for her at that point. There was no way, just _no way_, I was going to lose my shit and let her get hurt.

She'd obviously been hurt more than enough for one lifetime.

"I probably shouldn't have fought," she continued in a strained whisper. "It made him... _mad_. He said if I'd just relax, I'd like it. That I didn't know because I'd never... never... done it. But I didn't relax. I wanted him... I wanted him _off_ of me. So I pushed and pushed – and then he - he had to..." she trailed off and seized up like a block of ice. I was willing to bet that if I could see her face, she wouldn't even have been blinking.

I could guess where she was going, though. It wasn't hard to figure out. And it was sick. So _goddamn _sick. I knew. I just knew without her telling me that the fucker _held her down_ and kept her there on that couch with him so he could –

_Jesus_.

_Oh God._

_Oh GOD._

My stomach rolled again.

_I think I'm going to be sick._

I couldn't get the picture of it out of my head. Some huge, angry guy, pinning her down against a couch –

The heat flared up, searing my spine at the same time as my stomach clenched and rolled and heaved...

I was definitely going to be sick.

_Right after I hunt this fucker down and kill him. Slowly. With my teeth, or my bare hands. I'll rip him apart with my fucking toes if I have to. But before I do... I just have to know one more thing. _

"Did he hurt you?" I croaked out. "I mean," _Jesus Christ, this shit hurts to even ask, _"I mean, besides..." _manipulating you, using you, violating you in the worst possible fucking way, _I finished in my head_._

There was a deafeningly silent pause. My blood was flashing from hot to cold, as I went from feeling nauseous to murderous and back from one second to the next. And then the robotic, emotionless tone was back in her voice as she described her injuries like she was reading them off of some horror movie's medical report.

"there were bruises on my legs from his knees, on my hip from one hand... and a sprained wrist, from his other hand."

And then it all suddenly fell together for me.

Now I knew why she avoided men.

I knew why she avoided the couch.

I knew why she needed some time to think these last few days.

I knew why her mom thought she wasn't ready.

I knew why she panicked when John grabbed her wrist – _her wrist of all things._

And last, but certainly not fucking least, I was pretty sure I knew why she was about to have a panic attack the day I met her.

She freaked out the _second_ that fucking scumbag walked in the door. She hadn't done that in the presence of any other guy we'd encountered – even Jake, who's about as big and physically intimidating as they get.

No. She _knew _him. He called her 'Livvy'.

"It was _him_," I whispered through a solidly clenched jaw. That dark-haired, muscled up guy from the store that first night was the same guy that attacked her, hurt her, and violated her.

_Holy shit. He was _huge_. I remember thinking about it when I was sizing him up that night. He was literally almost as big and built as Jake. _

"Who?" Olivia asked in confusion.

"The night we met," I ground out. "At the store. It was him. That's why you were so scared."

She shuddered briefly and took a deep shaky breath before lifting her head off of my shoulder. Nothing I had heard tonight could have prepared me for what I saw the moment her hair shifted off of her face. Her skin was pale and grey and her cheeks were moist with tears that I could still smell the salt of in the air. She had dark circles under her eyes, which were swollen and framed with long lashes that were clumped together from the moisture of her tears. Her entire face was literally trembling with ehr efforts to control her emotions. Worst of all, her eyes were the flattest shade of grey-blue I'd ever seen them. There was no sparkle in them, no depth... just pain, hurt, sadness, desperation.

"Oh, Liv," I whispered as I took a second just to look her over. Her entire being, from her defeated posture, to her ragged breaths, her injured wrist, her pained face and her dull eyes just screamed vulnerability.

She didn't answer my question about the guy from the store. She didn't have to. The fact that she didn't deny it was enough. And I wouldn't ask her again. I couldn't. Just looking at her like that was enough to stop me from ever asking her to talk about it again.

I was still boiling with rage and anger and feeling cold and sick with disgust, but I pushed it all back. I forced a lid on any of my emotions that had to with my reaction to what was done to her in the past and made myself focus on the here and now. It was barely contained. I could feel the lid on the pot just rattling away and knew that it would burst sometime soon. But not now. She'd trusted me by opening up and now she needed me to help her through it, and I needed to be there for her. There was no denying that she was in bad shape. Anyone would be able to see that she was just really worn out – mentally, physically and emotionally.

She just looked so – lost.

"C'mere, angel," I murmured and gently hugged her closer to me with both arms. The shaking was still there, but it was muted. I was steady enough to hold her to me when she crawled into my lap, curled up with her knees to her chest, head down and cried for over an hour. I'd never seen anyone cry like she did. She was almost silent, just taking deep breaths with each sob and muffled sniffles every now and then. It was like watching a storm from inside the house. You knew that there were flashes of lighting and claps of thunder, but the walls kept everything muted and muffled. She was like that, but the storm was on the inside and I was on the outside looking in. I kept my arms around her the entire time, hoping to warm her up and help the storm pass. Every once in a while, I stroked and kissed her long, soft hair and whispered promises in her ear that I hoped she would remember and would help make her feel better.

"It's ok. Everything's going to be ok, Liv."

"No one will ever hurt you again."

And last, but not least, I made the one promise I could never, ever break.

"I'm here, angel. I'll always be here for you. I'll keep you safe."

When she was all cried out I felt her body go limp and heard her breathing even out. I knew without having to look at her that she'd fallen asleep. I adjusted my arms, sliding one under her knees and wound the other around her shoulder. I stood, lifting her sleeping form as carefully as I could so I wouldn't wake her, letting the now-watery ice pack fall out of her hands and onto the couch and stay there.

I walked over to my bed and laid her down as gently as I could. She was so exhausted that she didn't even shift or adjust her position at all. She was still wrapped up in my quilt, so I figured that she was warm enough - which was a good thing, because the _second_ I put her down I was in no shape to hold her and help her warm up if she needed me to.

Releasing her body to the bed was like flipping the latch on the lid over my feelings right off. The anger, the rage, the sickness and disgust were all back with a vengeance. It was a good thing I lived near the tree line. She was sleeping and safe... but I was officially back on the edge of losing it.

_Shit, shit, shit, _I thought nervously as my hackles rose and the trembling in my hands steadily worked its way up to strong shaking.

I checked her over one more time to make sure she was completely out and safe. She was. And she was so exhausted that I figured she probably wouldn't be waking up anytime soon, which was a good thing, because if she did, she was going to be waking up alone.

I didn't bother to grab my cell phone or shoes – there just wasn't any time.

_Go, go, go! _I chanted mentally as I bolted up the stairs three at a time, all blurring arms and legs, searing with pain and the burn of the change. I flew out the door and barely made it into the cover of the trees at the edge of the property when my body suddenly snapped and let go.

I'd never phased so quickly and so violently before in my entire life. Not even the first time when my dad died.

One second I was running towards the woods as fast as I could on two legs. The next thing I knew, my anger and rage had transformed me into a wolf on the edge of them.

The second after that, the sickness and disgust I'd been feeling finally had its way with me and I did something I'd never seen any other wolf do before; something I didn't even think wolves were capable of doing.

I got violently sick.

* * *

**And there you have it.**

**I put a lot of pressure on myself to get this chapter right, and I hope that you, as readers, feel like I did it justice. I know that some of you may be disappointed at not having this particular chapter done in Olivia's point of view, but I really wanted you to see Seth's take on it. **

**I'd really love to know what you thought about this. **

**The next chapter will pick up with Seth right where we left off.**

**Until then,**

**~Hitchy**


	13. Aftermath

**OK, so it's the chapter after the big reveal. How will Seth handle it now that he's on his own? You're about to find out.**

**This chapter is completely unbeta'd. Please send your thoughts/prayers out to _shepeppy. _Her father is really ill. I didn't want to bother her with editing this, so you're stuck with my mistakes. Please accept my apologies ahead of time for that.**

**No chapter song this time around.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a grown up Seth dealing with some pretty intense news.**

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Aftermath**

_(end of chapter 12)_

_I'd never phased so quickly and so violently before in my life. Not even the first time, when my dad died._

_One second I was running towards the woods as fast as I could on two legs. The next my anger and rage had transformed me into a wolf on the edge of them._

_The second after that, the disgust finally had its way with me and I did something I'd never seen any other wolf do before; something I didn't even think wolves were capable of doing. _

_I got violently sick._

**SPOV**

I heaved and felt the warm, acidic fluid surge up from my stomach and out my mouth in a rush. I heaved again, my gut twisting and churning painfully as the rest of my stomach's contents pushed up, up, up, and out. I couldn't hear, see or think about anything other than the rush of the sweet-sour bile getting forced out of my stomach and propelled onto the muddy ground in front of me at high speed. Orange soda is twice as disgusting coming up as it is going down, by the way...

I stood there on quivering fur covered legs, paws digging into the mud, huffing huge, deep breaths that came out as low rumbling growls, trying to sort my shit out as the bile dripped from muzzle. It was all kinds of disgusting, but in this form, I couldn't spit the remainders of it out.

_Seth?_ I heard Quil's shocked voice ask in the back of my mind.

I shook my head, trying to focus on him. I could see him running in the trees along the beach at home as he did his weekly patrol. _What the hell happened? Are you alright?_

As soon as he asked the question my mind pulled up a picture of Olivia, sobbing and shaking in my arms. I growled and slammed it back, focusing all of my concentration on the forest floor in front of me until all I could see was mud, my tense paws, and the greenish orange remnants of my dinner. She was a private person, and I didn't think she'd want anyone to know... _I _didn't want anyone to know at that point. I needed some time to deal with it all first.

_Get out of my head, Quil, _I grumbled. I tried, I _really_ tried to tone down the anger in my mental voice – but it definitely came out sounding like a threat anyway.

_?_

Quil's mind was speechless and shocked. I wasn't aggressive and didn't get angry like this. Not ever.

I could see Quil sorting it out in his mind, though. He'd caught that glimpse of my thoughts about Olivia crying. He knew who she was, he'd seen in her in both my thoughts and Jake's before. So he knew that something was really wrong.

_Seth..._ he thought quietly, really trying not to step over any bounds. He knew we didn't push when it came to our other halves – but he'd never seen me like this and he was concerned. He wasn't going to let it go.

I felt a low growl rumble through my chest as I grit my teeth in frustration. I needed him gone – _now_.

_Quil, just fucking go!_

_Ok! Ok, _he thought nervously, feeling even more shocked and concerned than he was before. _Just... do you need help? _

_I need to think... _I growled out. _Alone._

It was getting harder to keep my focus on the ground in front of me. I'd kept everything bottled up too long while I was in my apartment with her and I just didn't have the strength to keep a lid on things much longer. My vision was blurring and my entire body was shaking the effort it took to focus.

_Just. Get. Out. _I was pleading now, almost begging.

_Ok..., _he murmured regretfully. I could tell he didn't want to go, but he was respecting my wishes_._

And then it was silent.

And I let go.

The tension started with my hind legs and tail, making them stretch out and stand at attention. Then it spread to my back. I arched stiffly, fur standing on end as my muscles coiled tautly, making my hackles rise, rise and rise some more. My front legs locked, paws sinking into the mud and vomit at my feet as my head snapped forward, ears pinned back, sharp teeth bared menacingly. And then I growled, loud and low and long before launching myself forward at top speed into the trees.

I ran as fast as I ever had, sinking my teeth into anything and everything that was blocking my path. I ripped and tore at low lying branches, breaking them off harshly as I replayed the night's events in my mind.

'_...__he was, um... he was... touching me' _her voice echoed in my mind. The way she shivered and shuddered still felt real to me – it was like I could still feel her in my arms. She sounded so scared and confused.

"UUUNNNAAAHH!" I grunted loudly as I crashed shoulder first into a small spruce tree. I felt the bones in my right shoulder shift a bit and throb, but ignored the pain and kept moving. The tree snapped in half and fell to the forest floor, then crackled and snapped again as I ran over it, heading for my next target.

'_I didn't know what to do... and I didn't want-'_

No. She didn't want it. She didn't have a _clue_. She was young and innocent and inexperienced and –

"RRRRRUUUMPH!" I snarled as I leapt a few feet up and sank my teeth into a branch about eight inches wide. I gripped it with my front paws and tore it down to the ground.

'_I couldn't make him stop.'_

She couldn't _make_ him. She'd said it like she was apologizing – like it was somehow something she could have prevented. The guy was built like a fucking house... there was nothing she could do. She was helpless and completely defenceless and –

"RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I growled loudly and attacked the closest thing to me. It was an ancient cedar tree with a trunk at least four or five feet wide. It's bark was brittle and loose and came apart, flying around my face like confetti as my claws tore and dug at the trunk wherever they landed.

I grunted and snarled and tore at that tree like my life depended on it. The sharp, woodsy smell of cedar floated in the air all around me as I hollowed out the trunk turning it into chips and pulp – tearing and scratching for all I was worth.

_Seth!_

_Shit, _I snarled resting my paws in the pile of cedar chunks and dust at my feet as I huffed out heavy breaths. _Not now, Leah._

Quil must have gotten her when I sent him away.

_Excuse me? _she bit back in the sharp way that only Leah can. _I don't think so, baby bro. What the hell has gotten into you? _

She flashed to an image in her mind of me ripping at the tree, snarling and grunting like a rabid animal. She must have been watching for a while, trying to get my attention.

I shook my head and grunted.

_Leave me alone, Leah._

_Not a chance, Seth. You can try and pull that shit with the guys, but I'm your sister and you know I don't take no for an answer. You're pissed off. I get it. Now stop acting like the overgrown, adolescent beast that you are and talk. Let me help you sort whatever this is out._

I snarled loudly and swiped at the tree again in frustration, wondering why the hell people couldn't just leave me alone to sort this shit out for myself. None of them would understand, least of Leah...

_Hey, _she interjected. Her tone was laced with objection. She was offended because I thought she wouldn't get it. _Damn right I'm offended, Seth. I know this is about _her_, ok? Quil mentioned what he saw. Just because I haven't imprinted – _she spat the word out like it was an insult – _doesn't mean that I can't or won't be able to help my little brother out. _

This was a waste of my time. As a matter of fact – the entire last hour or so, raging and tearing up the forest had been a complete waste of my time. I didn't need to take my aggression out on the trees – I suddenly had a much better target in mind - a big, muscular asshole with dark hair and death wish. I didn't know where he lived, but it couldn't have been far if he stopped into DeHart's that day. I had his face committed to memory and more importantly, _I knew his scent_. I was the best scent tracker in the pack. Hunting him down in a city this small would almost be too easy.

_Seth! _Leah gasped in shock as she processed what I was thinking. _Seth, stop! s_he yelled mentally as I dug my paws into the ground, spun to shift directions and headed towards the city.

_Shut up, Leah, _I barked as I ran at full speed, back through the path of destruction I'd just created. It was faster and easier that way, less obstacles.

_Seth Aaron Clearwater! Stop it NOW, or I'm calling Jake to stop it for you! _she yelled forcefully. _I don't know what the hell that guy did to piss you off like this, but you can't just ambush him and rip him to shreds! What the hell are you thinking? You'll kill him!_

I growled and came to a screeching halt in the mud, knowing full well by the tone of her thoughts that Leah meant every word of what she said and that she would call Jake to _make _me stop. I huffed deep breaths in and out, a steady, frustrated growl rumbling low in my chest the whole time as I stood there and thought of all of the reasons she couldn't call Jake. There were a few... but only one that really mattered. I was pretty sure it would have devastated Olivia if I told Jake about things. And there was no question in my mind that if Jake saw me like this, literally _murderously_ mad, he'd demand an explanation... and I just couldn't do that to her.

_Yeah, well I'm pretty sure she doesn't seem like the type to hang around with homicidal wolves, either, Seth. Seriously, what has gotten into you? You can't just attack a human because he did something to piss you off – _

_He didn't do anything to me, _I ground out lowly and then snarled as I spat out the next words sharply. _But he deserves it, Leah. He deserves it and then some._

_Seth... _she breathed cautiously, obviously hearing the conviction in my voice. It wasn't hard to miss. I was dead serious. _Whatever he did... you can't just..._ she fumbled a bit, which was a rarity for my sharp witted sister. She was really taken aback by me at the moment. I was obviously not acting like myself at all. I was usually the happy, easy going, peaceful type – not this.

_You can't just attack him like that, Seth, _she finished seriously.

_Oh really? _I growled back ferociously. _I can't just _attack _him? Why the fuck NOT, Leah? It would be _exactly _what he deserves!_ _After what she told me tonight – how he – AH FUCK!"_

I stopped and tried my best to reign in my thoughts of what Olivia had told me, but they started to pour into my conscious mind anyway. I saw her little body, curled up in a ball on my lap with her head buried in my neck as she shook and shuddered and stuttered her way through explaining what he'd done to her.

'_...he was... um, he was... touching me...and pulling at my clothes... and I didn't want –... I couldn't make him stop.'_

In the back of my mind I felt guilty, knowing that my sister saw and I'd inadvertently told her without Olivia's permission, but it was too late now. She knew the truth, or most of it, anyway, and I couldn't take it back.

I heard Leah's gasp and then felt her anger at the situation flare up in her own mind. She knew from what I'd told her and from what she saw in Jake's and my thoughts, that Olivia was tiny and kind and sweet. I knew that she felt it made Olivia a little weak, but in this case Leah equated those traits to vulnerability, and she was right. Olivia was about as vulnerable as a girl could get.

_So you tell me, Leah, _I huffed out angrily. _Give me one good reason why I shouldn't attack him the same way _he_ attacked _her_._

_Seth..._ she said cautiously. I could tell that she was trying to reason things out in her head – trying to make me see sense about why this was a bad idea. She was thinking things about how we were meant to protect human life, and how it was our job to protect and defend humans from monsters, _not_ from other humans. He chose his target and attacked her like she was his prey. There was no difference between him and the people eating vamps in my mind.

_He IS a monster!_ I yelled loudly. Outwardly, my growl was so loud that it startled birds and other wildlife, making all of them in a few miles radius scatter and run for cover. I didn't really care about disturbing the peace, or the fact that some human might have heard and want to come investigate at that point though. I'd reached my boiling point when Leah started thinking about ways to _defend_ that piece of shit. He was no more human than any blood-sucking vamp we'd ever come across.

_Yes he is, Seth, _Leah rushed out hurriedly. _He's a horrible human being, but he's _still _human. We have to let humans deal with him - like the police. You can't just go around – _

_The _hell _I can't! _I growled out seriously, shocking my sister into silence with the conviction in my tone. _You don't know, Leah. _I huffed and panted and snarled as I tried to explain, to get her to understand how disgusting and sick this guy and what he did was.

I took a deep breath, dug my claws into the earth to hold myself steady and then let it all go.

_He lied to her – manipulated her for weeks to trick her, to get her alone with him. She was fifteen – _fifteen – _and he was two years older than her. She'd never even been on a date or kissed another guy before she met him. She had no clue what he wanted from her. And when he finally got to her... _I swallowed back another mouthful of bile as it rose in my throat. Just preparing to think the words about what he'd done to her made me sick.

_He... Jesus, Leah... he _literally_ attacked her. He held her down and... and... _I couldn't finish that sentence. There was no way the words were coming out. I couldn't even think about it. _She said she had bruises all over her body and a sprained wrist from trying to fight him off. He didn't need to pin her down, he's huge – easily twice her size... but he did when she tried to fight._

I was whispering my thoughts and shivering with the cold disgust again.

_You should have seen her trying to describe it... _I let my thoughts flash back to the way she'd panicked and zoned out, how robotic and defeated she was, how pale and terrified she'd been.

_He did more than just... rape her, _I thought breathlessly. That was the first fucking time I could bring myself to actually think of the word for what he'd done. _He was violent with her and hurt her and scared her. It's part of why she's so shy. It still affects her a lot, to this day. She has panic attacks when she gets scared or nervous around men – she had one tonight._

I couldn't help going overmy thoughts about the whole night at that point. I hung my head, feeling exhausted and defeated by the entire thing and ran through everything, from the day I'd met her when she was scared and panicked just being in the same room with him, to the moment I'd first laid eyes on her and knew who she was to me, to all the little clues about her past that had dawned on me earlier, and finally to her panic attack with John and what she'd revealed to me as I held her afterwards.

Leah sat quietly, as still as stone, staring out at the night sky over the beach near our house as she watched, listened and processed it all.

_Seth,_ she murmured when I was finally done and completely drained from reliving it all again to show it to her. _You need to go home._

_Leah – _I started to protest, figuring that she was going to try and talk me out of going to rip this Travis guy a new one and burying him where no one would find the body.

_I am, but not for the reason you think, baby brother, _she thought earnestly, which had me listening. She wasn't mad that I wanted to kill him anymore. As a matter of fact, I didn't think it bothered her at all.

_Seth, you just thought about how exhausted you were from retelling her story for me. What about her? If she wakes up _alone_, in a strange room and a strange bed, after the night she's had... imagine how she would feel, _Leah said pointedly. And once again, she was right. I'd been gone for a while, heaving and vomiting, tearing up the forest and talking to my sister. She could have woken up by now... even though it was the still the middle of the night.

As much as I hated to admit it – kicking that sick fuck's ass and burying it six feet deep was going to have to wait. I needed to get back to my girl. Thing was, though... I wasn't sure if I was ready to do it. I had to be calm around her – she needed me to be there for her and support her. And I was still trying to deal with my own feelings about it. How was I supposed to help her like this?

_Was it hard when you were with her earlier? _Leah asked quietly, thinking about my memories of earlier tonight and feeling proud of the way I'd held it together when Olivia told me.

I huffed and shook my head, pretty sure of the fact that I'd be blushing if I wasn't covered in fur at the moment. Leah's not the type of girl to let her emotions get the better of her, so the fact that I could feel her pride for how I acted was a bit embarrassing. Besides, I didn't really do anything for Olivia except listen and hold her and promise to be there for her if she needed me. Anyone would have done the same thing in my position.

_Not true, Seth_, Leah thought quietly. _You handled yourself really well. You managed to control your feelings about it until you got out here. That's not an easy thing for someone like us to do and you know it._

I couldn't really think of a reply to that. It didn't seem like a big deal. I'd do anything for Olivia. Anything.

_Then you can go back to her now, Seth. From what I've seen tonight... _she thought back over what I'd shown her and how I'd acted with and around Olivia so far... _you're exactly what she seems to need._

I blinked, lowered my head a bit and felt like blushing again.

_Umm... thanks, Leah, _I murmured quietly. I wasn't used to hearing that kind of stuff from my tough older sister. She was usually busy telling me what to do or trying to protect my young and scrawny (as she put it) ass from something. I hoped Leah was right. Imprinting is kind of funny that way. It helps us find the person that is the best for us – no one on the planet will ever come close to being good enough for me, next to Olivia. But it doesn't necessarily have to work the same way for the one we imprint on. Olivia will always be what's best for me. The greatest thing any imprinted wolf like me can hope for is that they'll be something like that for their other halves, too. It's what I wanted more than anything – to be what Olivia needed. After tonight, though... I wasn't so sure that a relationship was what she really needed. How she'd even managed to trust me so far with everything we'd done was pretty amazing to me.

_Don't do that, Seth, _Leah said sharply, thinking about my little moment of self doubt.

_Leah... she's been through a lot. Maybe..._ I couldn't believe that I was thinking what I was just about to think, but... _maybe her mom was right. Maybe she's not ready for this... for _me_, like that._

Leah shook her head slowly.

_Why don't you let _her _decide what she is and isn't ready for, baby bro? _Leah asked quietly. _It doesn't seem like she's been shying away from you._

She was right. Olivia hadn't been shying away from me, except to think about things over the last couple of days, and after what I'd learned about her I didn't blame her for it one bit.

_Can you phase back yet, Seth?_

I checked myself, still feeling a bit unsure about it. Tearing a mile long track of destruction through the forest had helped, and so had talking to Leah but every time I thought about it... about what Olivia had said and the fact that he was out there somewhere close to where we were, where _she_ was... it made my blood boil all over again.

_Then don't think about it, _Leah said firmly.

_Easier said than done, Leah, _I grumbled. I doubted that there were many things that could distract me from it, at that point.

_I can think of one thing..._ Leah suggested quietly, pulling up the memory she'd seen of me holding Olivia while she cried her heart out earlier. _You know I'm not the biggest fan of the whole concept of imprinting, Seth, but I do know a thing or two about it. And the one thing that no one can deny is that you'll move heaven and earth to be whatever she needs you to be. And right now, she needs you to be strong for her._

Leah was thinking of different kinds of strength – physical versus emotional and mental – and trying to show me that it wasn't the physical kind of strength that Olivia needed from me at the moment. Yeah, I was strong enough to tear that asshole apart and it was my first instinct to do so, to protect her like that. But she didn't need physical protection at the moment. She needed emotional support – and a lot of it. It didn't seem like she was getting it from her family, and she didn't really have friends to help her out, either. And I _wanted _to be what she needed – more than anything I wanted to be that for her. It was what I was made to do.

_Then stop tearing up the forest and thinking about her past, and start taking of her here and _now_, Seth. Go, _Leah said pointedly.

I swallowed thickly and finally felt my body relax. Leah was right. It was time to go back.

_Finally, _Leah grumbled, sounding more like the bossy, pain in the ass sister that I knew and loved.

I huffed and shook my head at her, but silently thanked her for her help. She was a pain in the ass, there was no doubt about it, but she'd always been there for me when I needed her.

_Comes with the territory, baby bro. That's what pain in the ass older sisters are for._

I nodded and stretched out my limbs one more time, getting myself ready to phase back.

_Leah? _I asked as I thought about one last thing I needed from her.

_I'll keep it to myself, Seth, don't worry, _Leah thought quietly as she felt my worry over the others finding out. This was Olivia's private business and she didn't need everyone knowing about it. Especially Jake...

_I'm really good at controlling my thoughts, Seth, you know that. Don't sweat it. I won't mention it to her either, _she said, knowing that I'd want them to meet at some point in the near future. I'd been thinking about asking Olivia to come to La Push with me for Thanksgiving to meet my mom and my sister.

_Thanks, Leah, _I thought sincerely. _I mean it. Thanks for everything._

I could see the landscape around her shift as she rolled her eyes.

_You can thank me by phasing your ass back and letting me get back to bed, _she said. Her comment was full of sarcasm, but I could feel the love behind it.

_You good to go? _Leah asked. I could see that she was waiting for me to phase back first. She wanted to make sure that I didn't change my mind and end up doing something stupid.

_Yeah, I'm gone, _I told her as I approached the tree line near my house and then shifted back to stand on two legs instead of four.

"Shit," I grumbled to myself as I looked around the edge of the yard, seeing shredded bits of my favourite pair of jeans and one of my band t-shirts lying all over the lawn at the edge of the forest. I was really grateful at that point that most of us wolves had learned to always keep a spare set of clothes hidden outdoors around where we were living, just in case. I wandered over to the storage shed at the edge of the property and picked up the overturned milk crate covered in burlap that I'd left my clothes under. I threw on the grey sleep pants and t-shirt quickly, then picked up all the bits of clothing lying around and shoved them in the trash bin beside the shed.

Once everything was cleaned up I headed back towards the house. When I reached the side door I noticed something with a small green light blinking under my car. When I bent down to get a better look at it I realized that it was Olivia's phone. She must have dropped it. I reached out and picked it up, thinking that it was a good thing that it had slid under the car where it wasn't too wet. The rain from before had stopped, but the ground was covered in puddles. I flipped it open to see if it worked, which it seemed like it did, and noticed that she had four missed calls from 'home'. Her mom had probably been trying to call her back. I made a mental note to mention it to Olivia as soon as she woke up, so she could call her if she was ready to. Her mom was probably worried about her.

I sighed and tucked her phone in the back pocket of my pants before pulling open the door to my apartment. It was still dark and really quiet, so I slipped down the stairs as quietly as I could so that I didn't startle her or wake her up. As soon as I got about half way down I heard her and winced, taking the rest of the stairs at top speed. Her breathing was rapid and really shallow. I didn't like the sound of it one bit. I could smell a small amount of adrenaline as soon as I hit the bottom stair, too. When I peeked around the corner I found her lying in exactly the same spot that I'd left her in, but she'd curled up and gone fetal.

I quickly made my way over to the side of the bed and knelt down next to her, frowning once I'd gotten a good look at her. Her face was pinched, eyebrows drawn together, chin quivering and her hands were balled up into tight fists. She was gripping them so tightly her knuckles were different shades of red and white. If she wasn't careful she'd strain her wrist even more.

I cursed under my breath. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner? She was obviously having a nightmare. If I'd taken a few seconds to think about it out there instead of completely losing my shit I probably could have predicted this. I was now even more grateful that she hadn't woken up while I was gone. I couldn't even imagine how she would feel waking up in my apartment by herself after having this.

I settled in on the floor beside the bed and reached out for her fists. She was clenching them so hard, that from up close, I could see that her nails were digging into her palms. She was hurting herself and I just couldn't let her do that. When I reached them, I picked them up gently and rubbed my thumbs over where her fingers met her palms, applying a bit of pressure, hoping I'd be able to slip my thumbs under her fingers and get her to loosen her grip a bit.

She startled awake before I got the chance to, though. With a sharp gasp her eyes flew wide open, she pulled her hands back and shot straight up into a seated position on the bed. Her breathing was deep and rapid, her brow was damp with sweat and she was shaking.

I found myself holding hands up, palms facing her as I met her panicked gaze. She looked so scared and confused. I held my breath, waiting to see if she'd scream. She didn't thankfully.

"Seth?" she whispered between panted heavy breaths.

"Yeah, Liv? I'm right here," I responded quietly.

She nodded and immediately wrapped her arms around her knees, then dropped her head forward and tired to regulate her breathing again.

_Shit. She's having another panic attack because of the nightmare._

I sat up on my knees and reached out to stroke her hair lightly. It was completely dry and surprisingly still pin straight. I realized that she must not have moved at all while she was sleeping except to curl in on herself. I felt a large wave of guilt wash over me then. I'd been gone for a couple of hours and it made me wonder if she'd been having nightmares the whole time.

"What can I do, Liv? What do you need?" I asked her quietly. She'd obviously had these attacks enough in the past to know what she needed, otherwise she wouldn't know to try and regulate her breathing.

"X-xanax," she rasped out between breaths.

_Holy shit. Xanax? _

"Is that... that's medicine, right?" I asked slowly. I was pretty sure I'd heard of it before.

She nodded again and kept trying to even her breathing.

I took a deep breath. This was a lot to take in. These attacks must have gotten pretty bad at some point for her need prescription medication for them.

"Do you have it with you?" I asked.

She shook her head. Of course she didn't. She'd been doing laundry and ran over here in the pouring rain in nothing but yoga pants and t shirt. She probably wouldn't have had it with her in the laundry room, and even if she'd thought to bring it, she didn't have any pockets to carry it in. I should have known that.

"Do you want me to take you home?" I asked, figuring that that's where it would be.

"N-no key. L-locked out," she stammered.

Right. Her building was locked. She didn't have a key on her to get back in and one-thirty in the morning wasn't the best time to wake up whoever was in charge to open the door.

"What can I do?" I asked again. I was starting to feel a bit antsy with the need to help her again. I was barely able to sit still and watch her for as long as I had.

"L-like before. P-please," she stammered out.

_Like before? What did I do before? _

And then it dawned on me. She wanted me to hold her like I'd done earlier when she showed up at my place. She didn't have to ask me twice.

I stood up and slowly crawled onto the bed behind her, being really careful just in case, so that I didn't startle her or jostle her around. I snuggled up right against her back, legs on either side of her hips, knees bent, and wrapped my arms around her. Her shoulders relaxed almost instantly. I rested my chin on top of her head and just held her close, while she did her thing. It only took her twenty two breaths to calm down this time and when she was done, she was absolutely exhausted again. I could tell by the way she slumped to one side once she was able to let go of the tension. Her muscles seemed to melt into into mush.

She took a couple of slow, deep and steady breaths.

"Thank you," she mumbled quietly.

I shook my head and then kissed her hair.

"No problem," I whispered back.

We were silent for a minute, just sitting there in the dark, absorbing the peace of the moment. At least I hoped that's what she was doing. I certainly was. It had been a long night.

"Seth," she whispered softly, just barely loud enough to break the silence.

"Mmhm?" I hummed.

"Can I sleep?" she murmured, already slurring her words.

"Yeah, of course," I said incredulously. As if she'd have to ask. She was completely worn out.

"Thanks," she mumbled and then dropped off almost instantly right where she was.

I shifted back carefully onto my knees, keeping my arms locked around her so she didn't fall over and slump down to the bed. I lowered her down carefully, making sure that her head was resting on the pillow. Once she was lying down, I shifted away a bit so that I could drag the arm that was under her shoulder out, but before I'd moved it very far she shifted forward and buried her face right into the crook of my neck. I froze, unsure of whether or not she was aware of what she was doing or if she was asleep and thought she was cuddling up next to a pillow.

"Stay," she murmured so quietly I barely heard her. "So warm," she sighed, and I think I died a little inside.

_She wants me to stay with her while she sleeps_.

I took a deep breath, feeling really nervous about whether or not I should listen to her and stay. I mean, after everything I'd just learned about her past, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to sleep next to her or not. But when I looked down at her lying next to me and saw her wrapped up in my quilt, with her little feet poking out of the end in her white socks and her face resting on my shoulder as she slept, she was just so peaceful – finally – and my sister's words from earlier came back to my mind. I decided that Leah was right. I really should just let _her_ decide what she is and isn't ready for... and if she decided that she wanted me to hold her while she slept, then that's exactly what I'd do.

So I slid down on my side next to her and laid my head down on the pillow above hers. I sank into the mattress and felt my entire body relax as inhaled her scent and settled in next to the warmth of her body. I closed my eyes and let all the tension of the day drain out of me as I breathed her in. I almost felt guilty about how damn good it felt to have her there next to me, safe and warm and in my arms, but I didn't really have the energy for that at the moment. The stress of the night and my tirade through the forest had finally caught up with me and I was beat. So I settled in, snuggled just the tiniest bit closer to her and let myself drift off with the weight of her in my arms.

And it felt good - really, really good. It was so good, I was pretty sure that I'd never want to let her go.

* * *

**So, that's about as emo as Seth is ever going to get. It didn't last long because he's quick to see the bright side of things. No worries here about him turning into a brooding Edwardian type character. It's just not Seth's style.**

**OPOV up next. How is Olivia feeling now that her secret it out? We're about to find out.**

**Until then, let me know what you think of Leah's advice. Is she right? Do you think that 'taking care' of someone like Travis is a human matter, or in the end, would you rather see someone supernaturally strong teach him a lesson?**

**See you at the next,**

**~Hitchy**


	14. Resolve

**Hello my lovely readers. thanks for your patience with this one, everyone. A lot of you were wondering how Olivia was doing after the big revelation. Well, here is your answer. **

**This chapter is unbeta'd again, so any mistakes you see are all mine. Sorry about the errors ahead of time! **

**No chapter song this time around.**

**Just a quick reminder that Olivia's had a rough night. The chapter is in her POV and she's not thinking clearly or feeling up to par at all. Be patient and kind with her if you can :-)**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Olivia, her past and everything that somes with it. **

* * *

**OPOV**

_Warmth, chamomile, sandalwood, a soft ringing sound... _these are the things that my senses registered as I stirred foggily out of sleep. I was in the quiet, weighed down state where my mind was slowly regaining consciousness and awareness, but my body was resisting the change, lying heavy and unmoving in the same position I slept in and wanting to stay that way – if only the soft ringing sound would let it. I sighed discontentedly as the warmth around me shifted, threatening to move out from under me. I didn't want it to. I was comfortable enough to want to stay right where I was for hours. I frowned and nuzzled my nose softly into the warmth, willing it to stay just a little longer...

_Oh, _I thought as I shifted my face back and forth minutely. I think I might have even groaned softly out loud. _That hurts... _

That one little shift of my neck to nuzzle into the safety and security of my soft warmth made me want to slip right back to sleep just to escape the stiffness and pain I registered when I did it. My neck was sore and achy, like I had slept on it wrong, which was odd because I knew I hadn't. No, I'd slept well. I was warm and safe and comfortable and feeling pretty well rested from a long and peaceful night's sleep, which wasn't that common for me. I usually slept through the night, but not very soundly. I'd wake up at the smallest sounds and movements in my surroundings or even flashes of light from my window. Which made the fact that I was slow to wake to the ringing of what was obviously a phone this morning very strange...

"I'm with her now," a soft, deep voice rumbled right after the ringing stopped.

I gasped silently and was suddenly much more alert.

_Seth. The warm, chamomile and sandalwood scented piece of comfort and safety I'm cuddled up next to is... Seth. _

_Oh... my... Lord._

I squeezed my eyes shut, froze absolutely still and tried not to make a sound as the night before came back to me in a horrifyingly clear rush.

It was... bad. It was very bad. It was about as horrible as things could ever get for me. There was the panic attack after seeing John, not being able to tell Seth what was wrong with me while I was having it and then _everything _that came afterward... everything that was said and just... put out there...

_Lord, help me_.

_I can't believe_ _I told him_.

_And _how _I told him._

_Oh. No._

I was a complete mess while talking about it. And after talking about it.

"Not today. I'm staying with her," I heard him mumble in the background.

There was a pause while he listened to whoever was on the other end of the line. I stayed frozen, eyes now open and trained on the thick comforter wrapped around me from shoulder to toe, having absolutely no clue what to do about anything.

I'd spent the previous night telling Seth about me... about Travis and what he'd done to me... had two panic attacks and then had fallen asleep _in his arms and in his bed_.

None of this was familiar territory. I didn't tell people about Travis and I had definitely never fallen asleep with a boy before, or woken up in one's bed.

"Thanks, Nessie. Tell Jake I'll call him later." There was another short pause. "Yeah, I'll tell her. Bye."

So he was talking to Renesmee... I wondered why she would call him so early on a Tuesday morning.

I gasped again, out loud this time, as I remembered what day it was. It was Tuesday – _the first day of school_. My mind raced and I tried to sit up, glancing at the light coming through the window at the top of the wall opposite the bed. Seth and I both had class at eight thirty, and judging by the light and what was, without doubt, a concerned phone call from Renesmee as to why she and Jake hadn't seen us, I was pretty sure we'd missed it.

My limbs were sore and seemed to ache straight through to the bone as I shifted them trying to move the thick comforter off of me. I definitely groaned out loud that time. It was a familiar pain – one I'd always gotten from the tension in my muscles after a particularly bad panic attack in the past. Even after the immediate panic was gone, my muscles could remain tense for hours until I was calm or had slept long enough for them to relax. In the past it would always take me a day or two to rebound after one, which was why the doctor my mom had taken me to see had prescribed me the Xanax. As bad as they were, I could handle the panic attacks themselves. The breathing techniques and visualizing a calm and safe place during them always helped me find my way out of the attack itself... but the after effects were harsh and often painful. The Xanax helped me relax quicker, sleep longer and left me feeling stronger and steadier the day after an attack.

"Hey," Seth said softly, catching me gently around the arms with his own, "hold on."

He wrapped me up in a warm, light embrace, and then sat up, bringing me with him, his chest to my back.

A quiet moan escaped my throat as he did. My body was as stiff as a board and on fire with aches and pain. As I folded my legs up a bit to adjust to my new seated position I knew they were the worst of it.

"Oooohhhhh" I breathed out tightly as I tried to stretch my legs back out. All thoughts of class and lateness flew straight out of my head at that point. There was no way I was in any shape to do much but go home, take my medicine, and rest off the pain.

"Liv?" Seth questioned quietly, his voice still thick with morning misuse after a night's sleep. The concern in his tone struck deeply with me. He had been so good to me the night before... the way he'd listened to me and taken care of me was something that no one had ever done for me before. And it appeared he wasn't done yet.

"I'm ok," I rasped out, and then reached toward my throat which scratched and burned like it often did after a night of abuse from choking out sobs. It was then that I felt my wrist burning and throbbing.

"Shit," Seth hissed out between his teeth. I startled and found myself blinking rapidly in surprise at his angry tone and the face that he cursed. I'd never heard him swear before. He must have seen the surprise in my expression because he immediately apologized for it.

"Sorry, Liv. It's too early for my verbal filter to work," he explained remorsefully. I just shook my head lightly, letting him know that I was ok with it. I didn't curse, but I knew that most people our age did. It didn't bother me, as long as no one expected me to do it. There was no reason for him to feel guilty about it. I knew I was the exception to modern social rules when it came to things like profanity.

I stopped shaking my head almost immediately because the muscles in my neck protested loudly when I did. I let my arms fall forward onto my lap, bringing the comforter down with them as I laid my hands down in front of me. As I did I realized what Seth was swearing about. The wrist of my right hand was pinkish-red and swollen, with several green-black bruises dotting the surface on the underside of my forearm.

Seth's large hand reached forward. He laid it down next to mine and let his thumb brush lightly over the injury, making it tingle warmly.

_Oh wow, _I thought. _Who needs a heat pack when you've got this..._

"I'm sorry, angel," he said softly, "I should have wrapped that for you again before going to sleep last night."

_Angel. _There was that word again. The previous night was somewhat of a jumbled mess in my thoughts but I could have sworn he'd called me that several times while we... talked.

"Angel?" I asked quietly, curious about where that had come from.

There was a pause and then he shrugged behind my back.

"Does it bother you?" he asked cautiously, as if the sweet nickname would be offensive. It wasn't. It was just another unfamiliar thing for me – being close enough to anyone to earn not one, but two nicknames, especially one like _angel_. After all he'd learned about me the night before, he knew better than anyone that I certainly wasn't one. Angels were _pure._.. and I wasn't.

He waited out the pause in conversation as I thought about it. Even though it wasn't an accurate description of me, I didn't think that mattered. Most nicknames weren't.

"No," I finally whispered as a reply. It didn't bother me. As a matter of fact, it made my heart feel warm from the inside out. The fact that he could still call me something like that after learning that I'd lied to my parents and landed myself in the position I'd been in with Travis because of my own mistakes– and then wound up being hesitant toward him because of it all – made my heart warm.

"Good," he whispered back before leaning down and placing a feather light kiss on the crown of my head.

I swallowed thickly as tears welled up in my eyes after that tiny little affectionate gesture.

_He kissed me. Just the top of my head but... he kissed me. _

I wasn't sure that he'd want to after what I'd told him last night. I wasn't sure that he'd want anything to do with me, actually. From what I knew of Seth I could say that he was calm, laid back, and uncomplicated. I had no idea what his reaction would be to dealing with someone who had so much baggage. I lived a simple life that centered around school, my art, my minimal dealings with my family and very few friends. But my past complicated things for me when it came to men... An amazing guy like Seth could pretty much date whoever he wanted to. It wouldn't have surprised me if he changed his mind about wanting to be with me.

As if answering my thoughts, Seth _did_ seem to change his mind – right on the spot. He pulled away from me after that little kiss, shuffled backwards to put some distance between his chest and my back and cleared his throat as if he'd done something wrong.

_Oh no..._ I thought as a seed of dread planted itself in my stomach right next to the seed of hope that was planted just seconds earlier when he'd kissed me. Maybe I was right. Maybe he had changed his mind and the kiss was just friendly, or meant to comfort me. It wouldn't have been out of character for him. We kissed a lot, in many different ways before he'd asked me to be his. So maybe he'd done it again even though he decided to change his mind about me. Really, what choice did he have but to help me out at this point? I'd all but barged in on him the night before, unloaded my hefty emotional baggage and fallen asleep, staying the night in his bed, _uninvited._

"I'm sorry," I whispered frantically, ignoring the pain and stiffness in my shoulders and arms as I pushed at the covers of the bed with shaking hands, trying to free myself from them so I could get up, "I'm so sorry, Seth. I... I should go."

"Whoa," he said in surprise, "wait up, Liv. Take it easy. You've had a rough night." His arms let go of me, though so I could slide to the edge of the mattress and stand up. My legs protested loudly the second I tried to put pressure on them. They felt jelly-weak and sore to the bone as I slowly lifted myself up on to my feet. I sucked in a deep breath through my teeth and closed my eyes for a moment to adjust. I felt like a young animal learning to walk - unsteady and shaky on my own legs.

"Liv, just... wait, ok?" he asked cautiously, shuffling around on the bed behind me. "Let me help you."

I shook my head.

"I should go," I repeated quietly, not wanting him to feel obligated to take care of me for any longer than he already had. "But thank you," I whispered fervently. "Thank you for taking care of me last night. I... you don't have to..." I trailed off not knowing what else to say.

Tears of frustration brimmed, crested and fell onto my cheeks. I wiped them with shaking hands, another left over reaction from the panic attacks the night before, and moved to step forward. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin in embarrassment of what I'd admitted to him the night before and discomfort over having absolutely no clue how to relate to him today... afterward. I needed to go. I just... needed to go.

As I moved to step forward, long, warm fingers wrapped around my hips from behind, not holding me in place, just resting there, suggesting that I stay and not move.

"Olivia please," he said earnestly, "just wait."

I stopped and stood still, unable to ignore the light plea in his voice. I felt light pressure on my hips as his fingers worked to spin me around. When I was facing the bed again I found him sitting on the edge of the mattress, feet planted on the floor on either side of me, staring up at me with concern and confusion as I stood between his knees.

I found myself clasping my shaky hands together and staring at the black area rug beneath our feet, letting my hair fall down on either side of my face wishing it could hide me from his eyes instead of just the world around me.

"Hey," he said softly before lifting his hand toward my forehead and running his index finger along my right brow, down my cheek and over to my hair line. He brushed my hair behind my shoulder with that one, warm finger, much the same way he'd done it the night he asked me to be his. I shivered again like I did before, and then felt two fresh tears fall from my eyes as my heart jumped happily at the memory.

His finger found the bottom of my chin next and tilted my head up so that if I hadn't been staring at the rug I would have been looking directly into his eyes.

"Don't hide from me," he whispered.

I hiccoughed out a shaky sigh, and glanced up, unable to ignore his request after he'd done so much for me the night before. When I glanced up at him his jaw was set and he was frowning, but he was staring up at me with nothing but concern and care in his dark eyes.

"Don't get me wrong," he said cautiously, "but you're kind of all over the place today." I frowned and looked down again, knowing in my heart that he was right. My emotions were all over the map and I couldn't seem to get a hold of them. I was always kind of jumpy the day after a panic attack, especially without taking medication. And I'd had two major ones last night. It stood to reason that the after effects would be worse.

"I know," I whispered shakily as he tilted my head up again. "It's sort of normal... _after_."

He nodded and his frown deepened.

"Is the pain normal, too?" he asked quietly. "I can see how stiff you are..." he added, trailing off. He reached up to clasp my hands gently in his as I blinked at him in surprise. I was shocked that he noticed, then figured that I must have looked really awkward moving around.

He squeezed my hands very gently with his then set to work rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs like he always did. It was becoming such a comforting gesture to me and worked to calm me down better than almost anything else could at the moment. I took a few seconds just to focus on the warm tingling that his thumbs created on my skin as they passed over it in uneven circles. It was good to focus on something other than my shaky emotions. It grounded me a bit so that I could talk to him.

"A little," I said quietly in answer to his question. "It's not so bad if I take the medicine," I admitted, feeling awkward at discussing the fact that I used prescription anti-anxiety medication on occasion.

"Ok," he said decisively, as if the fact that I took prescription Xanax on occasion was completely normal. "Would it still help if you took it now?"

I nodded slowly, knowing that it would. Right after I'd been prescribed the medication I left it at home most of the time, not feeling all that comfortable carrying it around with me. It only took one embarrassingly public anxiety attack to convince me that I should carry it on me at all times. I'd had a panic attack at church when a man delivering flowers for a wedding a day early got upset with me for quietly suggesting that he not unload them and take them back to the florist that night so that they wouldn't wilt. He'd yelled at me and although several people came to my rescue as soon as they'd heard the noise, I still had an attack. The worst part about it was that the people coming to my rescue were involved in the wedding. They were having their rehearsal at the church for the next day and after getting rid of the floral delivery every single one of them stood around, watching me with confusion and concern as I gasped, shook and cried. My mother brought me up to my father's office as soon she could and I fell asleep there after I'd calmed down. I was woken up after my father finished the rehearsal and felt a bit like I did now – achy, tired, sore, shaky and anxious – all the way home. My mom told me to take the medicine once we got there. It helped me fall asleep and by the time I woke up the next day I was more stiff then achy or sore, and calm, not shaky or anxious in the slightest.

Seth nodded smiled up at me sadly. "Let's get you home then."

He stood up slowly, unfolding his tall frame right in front of me, smelling of chamomile and sandalwood, warmth emanating from his skin towards mine. I stood in front of him awkwardly, once again unsure of what to say or do.

"Come here," he murmured and pulled me in for a hug. As he wrapped his arms around my shoulders I buried my face in his chest, let my shaky hands rest on his waist and took a few deep breaths, suddenly feeling nervous about how to be close to him this way.

_Does he think of me differently? _I wondered to myself. I just couldn't help feeling that things would be different between us, and probably not in a good way. He was now officially aware that I had _relationship issues_. I was definitely not a relationship expert, but I knew that what I'd shared was bound to have an effect on things...

"Are you cold?" he asked, running his hands down my arms to grasp my shaking hands again before taking a step back.

I nodded because I was. From the second I'd pulled away from his warm body on the bed earlier and stood up, I felt like the temperature in the room had dropped about ten degrees.

"Here," he said and released one of my hands. He turned toward the dresser behind and to the right of him, pulled open a drawer, and grabbed a black hooded sweatshirt. He closed the drawer and turned back toward me holding it out.

I smiled lightly and took the soft sweater with me free hand, thanking him at the same time.

He squeezed my hand and let it go, leaving me to put the sweater on while he headed to the washroom to change and brush his teeth. He was very quick and was back in almost no time, smiling at me as I zipped the sweater up.

"Sorry about this," I said shyly, as he eyed the sleeves that I had rolled a few times at the cuff. The sweater was really big on me. It was probably even a bit loose on Seth. The bottom hem landed just above my knees and the sleeves hung down five or six inches past my fingertips. I'd had to roll them to use my hands.

He blinked once slowly and shook his head with a small smile.

"No worries," he said kindly and then chuckled a bit under his breath. I smiled at the sound of his soft laughter. I didn't like to see him as serious as he'd been last night and this morning. His light hearted side was one of the first things that drew me to him. It was so nice to be around someone as positive and easy-going as Seth.

He walked up to me slowly in his jeans and t shirt, stopping when he was close enough to clasp my uninjured hand. He looked me over again, up and down slowly with a small smile playing on his lips.

"It's huge on you..." he said eyeing the way his sweater hung down to my knees and shaking his head.

I nodded and smiled back shyly while shrugging my shoulders as much as the stiffness in my muscles would allow me to. He was right. It was practically a dress.

"But I like it," he finished, before winking at me and squeezing my hand. He chuckled again while I flushed with warmth over the little compliment, unsure of how to respond. As usual, I didn't need to because he'd already started walking us toward the stairs. When we reached the bottom of them I bent down slowly to put on my shoes. My thighs were so stiff and sore from the run the night before that they burned and protested every inch of the way. I felt like I'd run a marathon, which was sort of true. The distance from my dorm building to Seth's apartment was almost five miles long. Rather than try to stand up on sore and wooden legs while trying to get them on I picked up my shoes, turned a bit and slowly sat down on the second step, figuring it would be easier and less painful to do it that way.

"Your legs must be really sore, too, huh?" Seth said, eyeing my position on the stairs with a frown. His shoes were already on. Mine were going to take a little while, feeling as stiff and sore as I was.

I nodded with an apologetic shrug.

"Sorry. I'll just be a second," I mumbled as I dropped one shoe on the stair beside me and slowly started to lift my left leg to put the remaining shoe in my hand on. He surprised me by kneeling down, reaching out and catching my ankle in his broad hand.

"Here," he said, while reaching for my shoe with his other hand, "let me."

I blinked in shock as he quirked his lips up into a boyish smile and took my shoe without another thought, glance or word. That one small gesture – along with everything he'd done to support me the night before and calm me down this very morning – had warm tears welling up in my eyes and spilling over onto my cheeks. Every drop from my eyes was a warm - _how did I get so lucky - _or a - _why me – _nearly breaking my heart in the very best of ways_._ As I cried soundlessly, Seth finished lacing my shoe, gently set my left foot down and without a word, picked up the opposite one, slipped on my shoe and laced it, just like had the first one.

I felt like Cinderella – with sneakers instead of glass slippers. My life definitely wasn't a fairytale leading up to this point, but then Cinderella's beginnings hadn't been either, and she still managed to end up with her Prince Charming. As Seth glanced up at me and frowned at my tears, asking me if I was ok, I simply nodded and rose to my feet, all the while wondering how I'd managed to catch the eye of someone as wonderful, sweet and caring as Seth.

As we slowly made our way to the car, Seth following me on my sore and wooden legs, my next thought was of beautiful gowns turning to rags, coaches morphing back to pumpkins and a slave girl turned princess who almost lost her prince because he didn't really know who she was. I thought about Cinderella's midnight the entire ride back to my apartment. The engine of Seth's older but reliable Honda was the only sound filling the silence as he drove and I stared at my quivering hands as I held them together in my lap. I could see him casting sidelong concerned glances my way every couple of minutes or so, but I didn't return them because I was busy trying to work on my resolve. When midnight struck during Cinderella's fairytale, she was separated from the prince because she wasn't who he thought she was. He had to search an entire kingdom to find her, nearly missing her in the end. If she had been honest with him from the beginning about who she was the prince would never have allowed her to go back to her evil stepmother and there wouldn't have been a separation or a near miss at a chance at happily ever after.

I wasn't naive. I knew I wasn't living in a Walt Disney fairy tale, but I did believe in God and faith and destiny... and for some reason, after sharing the part of myself that I did with Seth the night before, it still felt like it was _my_ midnight. Seth was the closest thing to a handsome Prince Charming that I'd ever met, and there he was just like the fairy tale version, choosing me, the largely ignored and overlooked plain and quiet girl, out of the crowd to be his. Last night he'd seen me in my rags and watched my would-be coach turn into a pumpkin, but he didn't know all of it – all of _me_, yet. I didn't have a wicked step-mother or snivelling step-sisters to deal with, but I did have a father who had very nearly disowned me and a mother who was torn between her commitments to her husband and her daughter. And if God was truly sending me a Prince Charming, then I had to have some faith that if Seth knew the truth about how my _entire_ life had literally been turned upside down and inside out on the night that Travis hurt me... and during the weeks that followed... he wouldn't judge me for it the same way that others had. I had to believe that either way, if I was really destined to be with someone like him – for whatever amount of time – it would work out.

I'd spent three days mulling most of this over after he'd asked me to be his. I was weighing whether or not it was the right thing to tell him about me now, and risk him running for the hills because of it, or wait it out and see where things went.

I wanted him to know what he was getting into. I wanted him to know who I really was, deep down, so that we wouldn't have to deal with my awkward pauses and uncomfortable hesitancies over couches and intimacy. But I was afraid of what he might think. I was afraid of being judged for my mistakes... again. I was afraid that my mother was right – that I wasn't ready, that maybe I wouldn't _ever_ be ready to make something like this work... but after the events of last night and this morning something was becoming very clear to me in both my heart and my mind.

_If I was going to take a risk with my heart, my mind... my body... who better to do it with than with someone like Seth?_

And in order to do that – he had to know it all. I had to be honest and straightforward with him and _stop hesitating_... and I just had to have faith that he wouldn't turn his back on me once he knew the entire truth. Even if it was something that I had trouble coming to terms with myself to this very day...

When we reached my building Seth parked and turned to face me, concern written all over his face, but true to his easy-going nature he stayed silent and didn't push me to talk about what I was thinking about. He didn't have to, though. I had made up my mind. I wanted him to know me – all of me. He deserved that, at the very least, for the incredible way he'd treated me and taken care of me.

"Will you come up with me?" I whispered shakily. I might have been resolved, but I was incredibly nervous about telling him the rest of my story and still feeling shaky from the after effects of the night before. His face seemed to relax in relief with my question, which made me feel even more resolved to get everything out in the open. I didn't like having to sort everything out in my head, keeping him out of loop as to where my feelings were coming from all the time. Once everything was laid out on the table... if he still wanted... _wanted be with me_... there wouldn't be anything more of that – and that was more than worth the risk.

"Yeah, I'll definitely come up," he said with a smile.

"Ok," I said and nodded resolutely.

We got out of the car and slowly walked up to the building's entrance hand in hand. When we got there I buzzed room three, where Wendy the dorm leader lived, hoping that she'd be home even though it was the first day of classes. We were in luck and after I'd identified myself and said I forgot my key she buzzed us in the main door and met us at the door to my apartment, not with the set of master keys like I'd expected, but with my _own_ key – the one I'd left behind in my sweater pocket the night before. Sitting on the floor outside of my door was the basket full of laundry that I had taken downstairs to wash. An unmarked white envelope sat on top. As I picked up the envelope and slipped the flap open I realized that it could only be from one person, and after glancing at the brief note, my suspicions were confirmed.

_Olivia,_

_I'm not really sure what went wrong downstairs, but I didn't mean to freak you out like that. You left your stuff behind, so I brought it up for you. Wendy has your key. It fell out of your sweater when I picked it up._

_I hope everything's ok with you._

_John_

Wendy spoke as I finished reading the note and Seth glanced over at it with a small frown, no doubt because he saw who it was from.

"John brought this to me last night," she said about the key in her hands. "He said you left it behind in the laundry room," the level headed, third year brunette explained, "and that you were kind of upset when you left and probably didn't realize you'd forgotten it." She glanced at Seth with curious and slightly critical eyes, then down the hall towards the door to John's apartment. "Is everything ok?"

"I'm fine," I murmured, unable to keep the raspy tenor out of my voice, which was still pretty raw from the night before. She narrowed her eyes at me and smiled sympathetically before glancing at Seth briefly once again, and then back to me.

"This is Seth," I said quietly, gripping his hand a bit more tightly in mine, hopefully letting him know that I'd seen the way she was glancing at him and didn't want her placing the blame for my rough appearance after last night on him.

Her eyes flickered down toward our joined hands as I squeezed his, and lit up with some sort of understanding. She turned to face him with a polite smile.

"Hi Seth, I'm Wendy, also known as the dorm leader and resident mother hen around here," she said matter-of-factly.

"Hey. Nice to meet you," Seth said, reaching out his free hand to shake hers.

Their eyes met as they shook and I could see Wendy sizing him up as they did. As the dorm leader she was responsible for the general safety of all of the students who lived in the building. I didn't know her very well, but she seemed to take her job pretty seriously from the way that she was sizing up Seth as my visitor. I found myself feeling a bit safer for it, knowing that she'd probably size up any other guests she met in the halls exactly the same way. Seth didn't seem to mind either. He just smiled at her casually and let her make whatever judgements she needed to make her own opinion of things. Apparently asking questions either wasn't part of her routine or didn't seem necessary because when she let go of his hands she turned to face me with a small smile.

"Here you go," she said, holding my key out to me and dropping it in my palm when I held it up. "I'm going to head back downstairs. I've got class in twenty minutes."

"Ok," I said quietly. "Thank you."

She smiled. "No problem. It's part of the job description. You'd be surprised how many times people forget keys... usually at parties after a few too many." She rolled her eyes playfully as I nodded my head.

As she turned to leave I looked over toward Seth who was bending at my side to pick up the overflowing laundry basket on the floor. As he lifted it up easily with one arm and balanced it on his hip like it was nothing much to deal with at all, I was reminded once again, that despite how gentle he always was with me, he was actually pretty strong. I'd struggled with that basket the night before and had to stop twice on my way down the stairs to adjust its weight from one hip to the other so I wouldn't drop it.

He glanced down at the note and the keys that were in my hands and nodded at them in acknowledgment.

"It was nice if him to do this..." I said quietly, thinking about how I'd literally gone off on John the night before and knowing that he had every right to be upset enough not to want to help me with anything after that. I still didn't remember most of the details, but I knew that I had yelled at him and offended him about something... I shook my head as Seth grimaced and then nodded once in begrudging acceptance, before his eyes flickered over to the top part of the injury on my wrist, which was just barely visible where the rolled sleeve of Seth's black hooded sweater ended. His eyes flashed a bit with something hard behind them – something I'd never seen in them before. It wasn't difficult to figure out what the emotion was about. Nice gestures aside, John was not understood or forgiven for what had happened the night before.

I frowned and felt guilty as I lifted the key toward my apartment door. I needed to sort out what had happened with him and set the record straight. It wasn't right for Seth to be upset with him for something that was my fault and probably would have been entirely preventable if I wouldn't have done... whatever I did to offend him.

_One thing at a time..._ my subconscious reminded me quietly. Oddly enough my inner voice had been pretty quiet all morning. Maybe it was because I was being very open and honest with myself and not hiding from my feelings as much as I usually did this morning...

_Not hiding is a good thing..._my subconscious added pointedly, instantly reminding me of why I had asked Seth to come up with me to my apartment in the first place. Right – time to finish what I had started last night.

I took a deep breath, and with shaky hands opened the door to my apartment as wide as it could go.

I was sore and tired and absolutely more nervous than I'd been to talk to anyone about anything since... well... since the very day I was about to talk about with Seth. As my shoulders sagged and I drew in a very deep and uneven breath around my stomach and heart that were jumping around with nerves Seth stepped in behind me, slipped the doorknob from my hand into his and swung it shut gently behind us. I heard the basket in his free arm being placed on the floor as my eyes filled up with tears yet again, this time from nerves.

_I can do this. I can do this. I can do this... _I told myself repeatedly, as the weight of what I was about to do was pressing on me like lead weights on my shoulders. Seth stepped into my blurry line of vision just as the tears threatened to fall. But I wouldn't let them this time. If I was going to do this I knew I needed to be strong to get through it.

"Hey," Seth breathed as he caught sight of my teary eyes and what was no doubt a very strained expression on my face. "What can I do?"

I shook my head and squeezed his hand in mine.

"Nothing," I murmured as I let go of my grip on his hands and let his long fingers slide out from between mine. "I just... I need to go get... my medicine," I choked out.

_All of it, _I added silently.

* * *

**Next chapter will begin in OPOV.**

**Until then... anyone have a theory they'd like to share? You know I'd love to hear them :-)**

**~Hitchy**


	15. Together

**Well, there were a lot of interesting theories after the last chapter. Thanks to everyone for sharing them. I love reading what you're hypothesizing as the story progresses. I have to say that my readers have never failed to surprise and impress me, and this chapter was no exception. One of you did get it right... Who was it? I guess you'll have to read and see :-)**

**Sorry that I'm behind in review replies. This chapter was very difficult for me to write. It's pivitol for them and I took a long time trying to make sure that I got it right. As a result I didn't get to the reviews. I'll catch up as soon as I can, but chpater 16 is nagging me now, begging to be written *chuckles*. You know what they say, no rest for the wicked, lol.**

**Chapter song: Fix You ~ Coldplay It's been used to death, but it really is fitting for these two right now. **

**Many, many thanks to _shepeppy_ for working her magic here before this was posted. I'm sure all of you will be glad to know that this chapter was edited before it was posted this time. She's also reponsible for the title. I was completely stuck before she suggested it. That's why she rocks as a beta. Sometimes she knows what I'm trying to say without me actually having _said_ it.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own the rest of Olivia's story.**

**Here we go.**

* * *

When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down on your face  
And I...

Tears stream down on your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down on your face  
And I...

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

_Fix You ~ Coldplay_

**OPOV**

I couldn't meet his eyes as my fingers drifted apart from his warm ones and I made my way to the bathroom. I shivered as I walked, despite the warmth from Seth's hooded sweater.

_One foot in front of the other,_ I told myself to keep my sore and stiff legs moving toward their goal.

Eventually I made it to the small bathroom. Once I got there I shut the door and stared at the light lavender walls and white fixtures in a daze. I shut my eyes and choked back a fresh round of tears as my father's shocked and disapproving voice echoed in the back of my mind.

"_My God, Olivia. What were you thinking?" he whispered hoarsely. Sharp grey eyes that were once loving and warm turned cold. His expression fell. I watched as absolute disapproval settled into every muscle and bone in his body. With every tightened muscle, every rigid plane of his now-defensive stance, I felt it grow between us – distance, separation. _

Who are you?_ his eyes asked me, while he voiced his disapproval and questioned my motives out loud. _

_I shook and I shook and I shook from head to toe, curled up on the chair in his study, trying to keep from falling apart. My skin crawled. My head was swimming. _

_My heart was breaking. _

"_Did you even stop to think about what you were doing?"_

"_Daddy..." I replied thickly through my tears. "I just..." I shuddered and hiccoughed. "I couldn't," I whispered in defeat. "I'm sorry."_

And I was sorry - sorrier than he or anyone else would ever know. Not that my remorse changed anything. It didn't. It never would. Some things are unforgivable. Some things are irreversible. Some things can't ever be taken back.

As I stood stock still in front of my bathroom door, with Seth waiting on the other side, I did my best to prepare myself for what I had to do next. He would be the second person I'd ever told. I couldn't face my parents after they had found out. My mother came to me the next day. After I spent the night alone, feeling shunned and abandoned, I figured that she agreed with my father and disapproved of me and that the distance between us on that night – the hardest night of my life – was permanent. I was right about her disapproval. She didn't understand what I'd done and she too looked at me like she wasn't quite sure who I was anymore. I couldn't blame her for that. After everything that had happened, I wasn't sure that I knew the answer to the question of who I was any more than my parents did at the time. I was just... lost. I'd spent my entire life until that point being exactly what I was raised to believe in and in the matter of a few short weeks, I'd lied and made decisions that changed the course of my life and who I was forever. But she didn't shut me out. She didn't turn me away. She wrapped me up in a rare hug, rubbed my back and asked me if I was ok. I didn't answer her. I didn't know if I was or not.

I _still_ didn't know the answer to that question. For all intents and purposes, I was still lost.

But I wasn't alone.

Seth was there, waiting for me on the other side of that door. It was time to do what I'd asked him up here to do.

I took a deep, shaky breath and walked over to the small vanity. I turned on the taps and brushed my teeth, hoping to rid my mouth of the sour taste my nerves left in the back of my throat. It didn't help. I sighed as I placed my toothbrush in its holder, and then splashed some of the warm water on my face. It washed away the remnants of tears from my eyes and left me feeling more alert and focused.

I didn't look in the mirror as I flipped it aside to reveal the medicine cabinet behind it. I didn't have to look at my reflection to know what I'd see there. Dark circles, red nose, pale cheeks... the telltale signs that I'd been crying or on the verge of tears. It was the look in my eyes that I was avoiding, though. My father always told me that my eyes were just like my mother's – crystal clear pools of expression. He said he could tell what either of us was feeling just by looking at them. I didn't have to look at my eyes to know that I was dreading what I had to do next.

But it was _right_. Seth should know. I didn't like secrets and I didn't like lies and sooner or later I was going to have do one or both of those things to Seth if he didn't know the truth. I'd learned the hard way that no good can come from lying to the people that you cared about.

And I did care about Seth. Part of me was scared that what I felt for him was going to hurt me. I didn't just _like_ him. I really did _care _for him. When I was younger people always told me that I had a big heart. I trusted people too easily with it, though and that had done nothing but hurt me in the past. I trusted my friends to look out for me, I trusted my family to love me despite my mistakes... and I trusted a boy who turned out to be a monster.

So I was nervous, and I dreaded what I was going to do, but Seth had done nothing _but_ earn my trust since the moment I'd met him... I just had to have faith that this was going to work out. That he wouldn't judge me, abandon me or turn his back on me like everyone else did.

I took a deep breath as my hand came in contact with the two containers I was looking for and without another thought I picked them up, gently swung the mirror back in place and turned to face the bathroom door.

_This is it, _I told myself. _This could change everything._

**SPOV**

I paced around in front of her couch with one hand in my pocket and the other rubbing the back of my neck, feeling more than a little unsure about what to do. She'd been in there for a while. She wasn't crying. I'd hear her sniffling and smell her tears if she was. As far as I could tell she was just standing there.

_Maybe she just needs some space..._ Jake's words from last night echoed in the back of my mind. It was hard to believe it had been less than twelve hours since worrying about her cooling things off between us was my biggest concern.

_God, what I wouldn't give to turn back time and make that the truth. _Reality was a lot harder to deal with than that. Learning that the kindest, sweetest, gentlest girl I'd ever met had been attacked and violated the way that she was, was like a punch in the gut. And even though I'd gone wolf and pummelled and shredded a good portion of the forest behind my house last night I was still itching for someone or something to punch back.

I glared at her basket of laundry with the little white 'I'm so sorry I scared the crap out of you and bruised up your arm' note sitting on top of it in disgust. Olivia forgave him. I could see the sympathy in her eyes when she read the note. She was holding herself completely responsible for whatever happened between her and John last night in that laundry room, but I wasn't buying it. Not by a long shot.

I heard the water turn on in the bathroom and then the distinct sound of teeth being brushed. Then there was a little more water splashing. It kind of sounded like she was washing her face. The water turned off and I listened to the muffled sound of a click as a cabinet of some sort was opened, and then there was a pause before I heard the telltale sound of small pills rattling around inside of a plastic bottle. She was getting her medicine, just like she said she would.

_Does she need food with it, or a drink? _I wondered as the cabinet closed. I was kind of unsure about that because I didn't ever have to take medicine. Thanks to my high temperature and quick healing wolf genes I never got sick or stayed injured long enough to need it. But my mom had a couple of times, and I remembered her swallowing the pills with tea and toast because she said that it upset her stomach on its own.

_Maybe I should head to her kitchen and see if I can find some crackers or something..._

The door to the bathroom opened before I made my decision. I heard her take a deep breath before she started making her way back down the hallway toward me. Her heart was thumping quickly in her chest and her breath was still strained. I hated that she was still so upset. As much as I didn't like the thought of her needing medicine for any reason, I was really glad that she had it. I hoped it would help her calm down. She needed to rest to get over her tension and let all of those sore muscles of hers relax.

She rounded the corner slowly, grasping what I figured was the small pill bottle in her hand. Her head was down so I couldn't see her eyes. Her long, shiny black hair covered her face. She was hiding from me, and I hated that she felt like she needed to do that. She was shaking like a leaf, too. She didn't have to be so nervous. I could tell that she didn't like admitting to using the medicine when she confessed to it earlier. Her eyes were full of apprehension, like she thought I would make a run for it just because she needed to take something like this every once in a while.

What I couldn't understand was _why_ she was worried about that. She needed to take it, that much was obvious to me. She didn't take it all the time, so it wasn't like she was addicted to it or anything.

It was a very big deal to her, though. I could tell. So when she made her way over to the couch that I was standing in front of, head still down, shaking like a leaf in the wind and drowning in my black sweater, I tried to do my best to show her that it didn't bother me and that she didn't have to be embarrassed about it.

God, after what she'd been through it wasn't like anyone could blame her. Something told me she wouldn't necessarily agree with that, but that's where she was wrong. She might have lied to her parents and put herself in a dangerous situation, but _no one_ was to blame for what she suffered except the _asshole_ that did it to her.

"Do you need anything?" I asked her quietly, trying my best to do whatever I could to help her. "Food or a glass of water or something?"

She swallowed hard and shook her head.

_Shit. She's really beating herself up over this._

She sat in the corner of the couch opposite to where I was standing and curled up, tucking her knees to her chest. My sweater slouched down and came to rest right around her ankles, bundling her up in a little cocoon. I was glad about that and hoped it was keeping her warm, although I doubted it with the way she was shivering.

There didn't seem like anything else for me to do but sit and wait for her to give me some kind of direction. I didn't want to crowd her so I sat where I was, almost on the opposite end of the couch.

She cleared her throat when I hit the cushions. Her head drifted up, even though her eyes were still trained on what was in her hands. I couldn't see her eyes, but her brows were pinched together again and I didn't like the fact she looked so serious.

"Can you sit closer?" she murmured. "I have... something to show you."

_Oh crap. She wants to show me? Is she afraid that I didn't believe her? Does she think I don't know what they are or what they're for?_

I swallowed nervously and tried to choose my words carefully before I spoke.

"Um, look, Liv... you don't have to show me anything. It doesn't..." I couldn't say it didn't matter. It did. I was concerned and I cared about the fact that she was taking it but only because it affected her health. She didn't have to prove anything to me. "It doesn't change anything," I finished, hoping that she understood how I felt about it.

She shook her head slowly and took another deep and strained breath.

"Seth..." she started cautiously and then hesitated like she wasn't sure about what to say or didn't want to say what was going to come out next.

_God, I wish she'd relax. This can't be good for her right now._

"It's ok, Liv."

"Seth, _please_."

And there went my will. Right out the window. There was no ignoring the plea in her soft voice. She was asking and I wasn't going to make her ask again. She'd never asked anything of me – not once before today. She asked me to come up here and now there was something she wanted to share with me and _she said please. _

"Ok," I whispered immediately and felt my body shift to the right until I was sitting in front of her. I turned to face her, propping my right arm over the back of the couch. My hand was just inches from her soft hair at that point, and I was having a hard time keeping it to myself. I wanted to run my hand over her hair and hold her until her shaking stopped. But she wanted to show me something and whatever she wanted would come first.

She sighed after she felt me settle next to her and then shakily held up her left hand. In it was small orange pill bottle filled about three quarters of the way with small, white, oval shaped, powdery pills. I could see the number one on some of them and wondered if that was what indicated how strong they were.

"This is the Xanax. I take one when I have an attack, as soon as I can. It's for anxiety. It makes things... easier," she whispered. She was still holding it out for me in between shaky fingers so I reached up slowly and took it from her. As I rolled the bottle around I was relieved to see that the prescription was only for fifty tablets and it didn't look like she'd taken many at all. The last date it had been filled was over three months ago.

I didn't really know what she wanted me to say. If she needed it she should take it. It couldn't have been easy for her to show them to me, so I kind of wanted to thank her for that – for being strong enough to be this honest. But somehow it didn't feel right.

"Ok," I said, quietly acknowledging what she'd shared. I was about to ask her if she wanted to take one now because she was obviously nervous and still very stressed from the night before, when she spoke again.

"There's more," she whispered softly.

_More?_

I felt my eyes grow wide as my head turned sharply to the right. I sucked in a gasp when I saw how still she'd gotten. She was barely even breathing. And she was as pale as a ghost.

My mind kind of failed me at that point. It went completely blank. What more could there be?

"What...?" I mumbled, completely at a loss.

"I... when he..." she breathed, before shuddering and breathing in and out shakily in a huff. Her eyes closed and all of her features smoothed out, like someone had drained the expression right out of her face. I felt my stomach sink with it, right to my knees.

"When he hurt me," she started again in a very strained and low pitched voice, "he... he didn't use anything."

_Oh. My. God._

He didn't _use_ anything. She didn't have to fill in the blanks. I knew exactly what she was talking about. No condom...

_Oh God_.

She was taken advantage of. And she was completely unprotected...

She said there was more. More medicine?

_Jesus. Is she...? Did he _give_ her something? Is that why she needs to tell me this now... before... I mean if we ever...? _

_Wait..._

_Is she sick? _

"Are you sick?" I choked out. I was rigid and vibrating on the inside from head to toe. I wasn't hot and shaking with the change. I was _scared_. STI's are serious. She could be sick for the rest of her life... or worse.

"No," she whispered immediately, shaking her head from side to side.

_Oh thank God. _

_Thank God._

I hung my head and felt myself deflate a bit as the fear subsided.

"But...," she started and then trailed off. It was like she'd hit a brick wall and didn't know what to say. I could feel the tension in the air around her. It was thick and what was worse was the fact that adrenaline was starting to seep out into the air around us. Some of it was mine from before. Being afraid that your other half was sick could do that to a guy. But now there was a bit of hers laced in with it, too.

A small sob erupted in the center of her chest and seemed to crack through the wall of tension right at that moment. Like everything else with her, it was quiet and subdued, but the pained look that flashed across her face was anything but subtle.

Her eyes opened and flashed up to meet mine. They were moist, just brimming with tears that she was trying so hard to hold back and they were absolutely full with icy blue pain and regret.

She shook her head and opened her mouth but nothing came out. It was like she couldn't get the words out to tell me what was ripping her apart inside. So she did the next best thing. She showed me.

Her right hand rose up from behind her knees, shaking violently. I held my breath as her fingers slowly unfurled to show me what was inside.

My mouth went dry.

My jaw dropped.

My stomach tried to crawl up into my throat and hurl itself across the room.

She was holding out birth control pills.

And there was only one reason she'd feel the need to take them.

_That sick, disgusting fuck _got off_ on it – and she suffered the consequences._

I didn't say anything. I just froze. I was cold to the core. Disgusted and repulsed beyond belief. I was shocked still and absolutely silent.

"I didn't know," she rasped and then shocked back another sob. "I didn't find anything out until – until three weeks later... when I finally made it to the doctor."

That snapped me out of my stupor. She didn't go to the doctor for three weeks? _Three weeks?_

"Why?" I questioned softly in astonishment. "Why did you wait?" I couldn't believe what she was telling me. How she put herself at risk like that. And how did she report...?

My heart sank in disbelief.

"You didn't report him," I murmured, piecing it together. I couldn't believe it. After everything he did to her... "Why?" I questioned again out loud.

I watched her squirm under my sweater, look down to hide her eyes, and I swear to _God_ I could see her skin crawling as she explained.

"M-my mom t-tried to talk me into it a couple of times. After. Right after. But I couldn't... I didn't want them to see... or t-touch... I...," she stammered. She covered her face with her hands and dropped her head down on to her knees. Her long black hair fell around her, completing the cocoon that my sweater created on her lower half. "I should never have waited. I could have prevented..."

_Prevented? Prevented what?_

_Oh no. _

_Prevention... _

_There was only one thing to prevent once it had been done... _

"Liv..." I breathed completely taken aback by what she was trying to tell me.

"He... he got out before he... he... but not – not in time," she murmured brokenly into her hands, shaking her head. "And I didn't know."

She took a few deep breaths while I sat there, unable to move, act or respond. The only thing I could picture in my mind was her as a lonely and scared fifteen year old girl, hurt, afraid and finally mustering up the courage to get medical help after being assaulted the way she was, only to be told...

"I was alone when I went to the clinic. I didn't want my mom to know I hadn't been sleeping and didn't feel like eating." She shook her head again. "I should never have gone alone."

No, she shouldn't have been alone. She should never have been allowed to put it off in the first place. If it were my sister... _any_ girl I knew... and I'd found out that what happened to Olivia had happened to them, I'd make it my mission in life to get her to go and get checked out. It was just too much of a risk _not_ to.

"When the nurse told me... when she told me that I was... I was p-..." she hiccoughed back a sob and shook her head again. She couldn't say it. I didn't blame her. I couldn't even _think_ it.

"I didn't know what to do. I think I was in shock. I heard her telling me that she could... she could... stop it. That it wasn't too late...," she left her statement hanging in the air and slid her hands down to her shins, leaving her head to rest on her knees. She pulled her body into a tight little ball and started rocking herself a bit, back and forth.

"I was fifteen and I'd never taken any of the health classes about it at school," she said in a hollow voice. "I wasn't allowed to. But I knew that there was a pill to prevent... _things _after – _afterward_. My-my father lobbied against it. That was what I wanted. But I didn't know that it was too late for prevention. I didn't know the difference. I didn't know that what I wanted and what I got weren't the same thing." She paused and shuddered again, squeezing farther into herself, fingernails digging into her shins.

"I didn't know I was killing it," she whispered hoarsely, "but that's what I did."

I had no words for that. There just weren't any. My mind was completely blank with shock.

Heavy silence hung between us while she took deep shuddering breaths and I tried to wrap my head around everything that she had been through. To be attacked and raped at fifteen was bad enough – for her to find out that he'd been careless and selfish enough with her to...

I literally could not think the word. I couldn't even imagine being her at that time. She must have been so hurt and shocked and confused. I could see how she might not have known the difference between something like the morning after pill and a pill to... _terminate_ things. There are medical names for the pills and procedures... she wouldn't have had a clue about any of it. Add to that the fact that she was shell-shocked, recovering from a major trauma and dealing with it all alone at the age of fifteen –

"My mom was the one who figured out what I had done," she continued in her raspy voice. "I didn't need permission for anything because my sixteenth birthday was the week before... but the nurse I saw knew my mom. They went to high school together. She called the house anyway after I left because she was concerned. She said I looked like I'd been through hell..."

I didn't doubt that. Not for a second. She _had _been through hell.

She shook her head slowly again, her long black hair swishing lightly over her as she did.

"My mom didn't even come to me with it after she heard," she croaked out. "She went straight to my dad."

I sucked in a gasp. It was the first thing I'd managed to do, the first reaction my frozen form had no choice but to show. Memories of our first date , when she talked about not being close with her father anymore, about disappointing people and not living up to the communities' expectations... Was _this _what she had been talking about? _This _was how she felt she let everyone down?

"Nothing has ever been the same after that. I'm just... not what they raised me to be," she whispered guiltily.

"How could they blame you?" I murmured incredulously. I didn't understand what had happened with her parents. That bastard forced himself on her... and there were consequences that she had no choice but to deal with. What did they expect her to do?

She sounded absolutely broken hearted and ashamed about everything. I couldn't wrap my head around it. None of this was her fault. None of it.

_Is that what she's afraid of? Is that why she's hiding from me behind her knees and her hair? _

**OPOV**

_How could they blame me? _

"How could they not?"I wondered out loud as I slowly raised my head off of my knees to look at Seth. It wasn't an easy process. My muscles were still sore and tense, and my neck was throbbing from being bent forward while I rested my head, hiding my face from him. I honestly couldn't look at him while admitting what I'd done. I didn't think I had the strength to watch another person that I cared about judge me for my actions. And yet, there he was asking how my parents could blame me... The answer was simple. There was no one else to blame. I made the decision to take that pill on my own. I should have asked more questions. I should have been strong enough and brave enough to see a doctor right after I was hurt. I should have been careful enough not to put myself in such a compromising position in the first place.

I'd made a lot of mistakes. No one was responsible for my poor decisions but me.

Seth apparently hadn't moved the entire time I spoke. He sat stock still in the same spot he was before with his body angled toward me, my prescription bottle in one hand and the other on the back of the couch beside me. The only difference in him between now and before I'd lowered my head was that his hands were closed into fists and his face was alarmingly pale and shocked looking. His eyes were shifting back and forth over his legs or mine or both as he seemed to be thinking about something or struggling for words.

It was clear that he didn't know what to say. I didn't either at that point. I'd told him everything I needed him to know. I didn't really know how to expect him to react, but his non-reaction was almost worse than anything I could imagine. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, standing in front of the pool of dark things that made up my past... that I'd just tossed him into. Would he sink? Would he swim and if he did, would it be back to me... or would it be in the opposite direction?

I waited on baited breath while I watched him. After a minute or so of heavy, tense silence with no sign of change in him, it seemed to me like the worst was happening. My chin dropped down to my chest where my heart was tight and burning. He was sinking. I just knew he was. Just like my parents, the only other people who knew... he was sinking in disappointment and confusion. I wasn't what he thought I was either.

"I thought you should know," I whispered dejectedly, feeling burnt out and hollow after pouring over my past and letting it all lay out in front of him, baring my heart for him to see. "I wanted you to know who I really am. I didn't want you to think that I'm something I'm not. Or that my... _issues _had anything to do with you."

I hesitated before telling him the very reason I'd _wanted_ him to know about me. It was the last bit of me that I was holding close to my heart. My past was what it was, and there was no going back to change it. Things happened that couldn't be reversed, things were lost that couldn't be replaced. But that was then, and this is now. I finally felt like I might be ready to move on, to move past things and trust someone with my heart and eventually my body. And I wanted it to be him. He said that I was special to him the other day when he asked me to be his. He said that I meant a lot to him. If I did... if I really did, then maybe we could get past this. Maybe he could try to understand or accept me, with all of my baggage.

I felt like I had so much riding on this moment. I knew that we met just a few weeks ago, but that didn't change the fact that we were so comfortable together. Things with him were... well, they just _were_. It was easy and warm and wonderful, just like Seth himself. I wanted to _try _with him – so very much. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but from what I knew of him, and of... _us_... and how good it could be when we were together... I knew without a doubt that being with Seth would be worth every effort I could make. I couldn't pinpoint how or when it happened, but something in my heart told me that I would never find anyone better for me than Seth.

The only question left was whether or not he would still feel like _I_ was worth it too. After everything that I'd confessed to him, I was more than a little doubtful about whether or not I even stood a chance with him.

I clasped my hands together in front of my bent knees to try and still my shaking fingers. I was feeling raw, turned inside out, completely exposed.

"I know this is a lot to think about..." I started tentatively, hopefully letting him know that I realized how much I had unloaded on him over the last twelve hours. "But you said that I was special... that I meant a lot to you. And I know... I know I'm probably not what you thought..."

Tears leaked out of the corners of both of my eyes, streaming down my cheeks. I lost hold of my composure. I was trying to stay strong and I wanted to tell him that I still wanted _us_, if he would still have me. But without knowing where he stood and what he thought of me, I couldn't get the words out.

"I'm sorry," I choked out on a loud sob. I was sorry for everything. Everything that had happened, every mistake I'd made, everything I'd lost and what I'd destroyed... and in that very moment I was sorry that out of everything I'd managed to tell him about me, I couldn't tell him the most important things, the ones that would mean the most _now_. Like how he made me feel and what I felt for him. It was no use trying. I was officially a mess at that point. The dam around my heart had been broken and everything I'd been holding in over the past twelve hours came rushing out, thundering through my body, knocking me breathless with pain, fear and regret.

"Never say that again," Seth's warm voice whispered from in front of me.

"Seth," I whimpered out. It was all I could say, just his name and nothing else. My chest was so tight with nerves and anxiety that I couldn't even draw in a full breath. I was just barely managing to draw in a few short shallow ones.

"Don't, Olivia. Don't ever apologize for any of it," he whispered. I was confused by the tone in his voice. He sounded incredibly sad, but I wasn't sure why.

He shifted forward so that his legs were touching mine. Large, warm palms captured my tear soaked face and gently titled it up to face him. I met his eyes and gasped out another sob. The expression on his face was so tender, and his eyes were so warm that I knew with just one look that I'd gotten as lucky as any girl could ever hope to get. He didn't think worse of me. He wasn't holding my mistakes against me. He was sad _for _me.

I couldn't hold back the fresh round of tears. This time I was crying in relief.

"It wasn't your fault, Liv," he whispered while swiping his thumbs back and forth across my cheeks to capture the tears as they fell. "You are so strong."

I gaped, probably looking like a fish out of water as I listened to the impossible things he was saying and tried to catch my breath.

"You were young and scared. You were attacked and fought back. You faced your parents and told them the truth about things after it happened. You went to the doctor on your own and handled everything that came afterward by yourself. You took responsibility for everything you could... and a lot of things you shouldn't _ever_ have had to." He shook his head and I watched as his jaw clenched and released while his expression morphed into something much harder than it had been just a moment before.

"_Don't ever apologize for what he did, or the position he put you in because of it_," he ground out. If I wasn't feeling nearly hysterical with relief and listening through my own sniffles and sobs, I would have sworn he almost growled the words out at me they were so fervent. His hands trembled and shook my face lightly between them as he spoke. "You did what you needed to do. No one should fault you for that."

He looked down at our legs and shook his head briefly while taking a several deep, measured breaths that seemed to help calm him down. Once he was calm and his hands were steady once again he looked up at me from beneath his lashes and spoke again.

"I know why you feel like you did something wrong when you took that pill," he began almost hesitantly. His eyes burned with concern and something else that so warm and deep I couldn't even begin to describe it. "But, Olivia... _someone should have been there with you_. Someone should have taken you to get checked out right away – someone who _knew_ what they were talking about and could have helped you understand everything. You can't blame yourself for being young and traumatized and too confused to understand what was going on. In most states you would still have been considered a minor and would never have been allowed to do that alone. There's a reason why those laws exist, Liv. So they can help young girls who need support and don't have any or don't know enough about things to make an informed decision."

As he spoke I felt myself calming down. With each word he said my sobs lessened, my breathing slowed and I felt myself falling into the safety of his words and that warm, indescribable emotion behind his dark eyes. I wanted to believe him so badly it hurt.

"So many people have let you down... I have no idea how you can trust me with this – with _you_ – with any of it," he murmured. "You're completely blowing me away, Liv."

"I just do, Seth," I responded shakily. "You've never given me any reason not to," I told him honestly. There was no truer statement than that. In the short time we'd known each other Seth had been more patient, kind and understanding with me than any other person in my life. After being through what I had, I didn't trust anyone very easily, but with Seth it seemed like a given. He'd earned it time and time again.

Something I said seemed to make him nervous. He glanced down between us and swallowed thickly before lowering his hands to capture mine and bringing them to rest on my knees. He rubbed my right palm with his thumb while his index finger on the opposite side toyed with the bracelet he'd made me, and then looked up at me with one of the most sincere expressions I'd ever seen. His eyes were open and clear, his face was calm but his set jaw told me he was determined, and the intensity in his eyes led me to believe that whatever he was about to say was something I could easily bet my life on as the truth.

"I won't ever lie to you. And I'll always be there for you if you need me. Don't ever doubt that."

I nodded, feeling confused about the intensity of the moment. There was something so... _absolute_ about the way he spoke. It gave me warm chills right down to my bones and calmed me all at the same time.

"I'm not a saint either, Liv," he continued quietly, "and no one is who other people think they are until they really get to know them." He cleared his throat and looked down abruptly before taking a determined breath and lifting his eyes to meet mine once more. "It's who we are now, _together_, that's important to me."

He said _together_, and my broken heart soared. I was shaking again... quaking from the inside out with happiness. I didn't even try to fight my body's response to what I was feeling. I shuffled onto my knees stiffly. Tears flowed down my cheeks and off of my chin as I smiled a broken smile at him and his large hands brushed my hair back and over my shoulders.

As I leaned forward toward him I saw his expression shift back to the tender one he wore before. Just before my lips touched his I sighed shakily and he inhaled it with a light gasp as he figured out what I was going to do.

I kissed him to thank him. I kissed him to let him know that I thought _together_ was the most beautiful word I'd ever heard. I kissed him to show him how much I cared... how much he meant to me. And he kissed me back. We slipped our lips together slowly, tasting the salt of my tears with each pass. I wrapped one arm around his neck and settled my other hand against his collar, feeling the beat of his pulse with my fingertips, trying my best to remind myself that this was _real. That he was real. _

After a few long, sweet minutes Seth sighed and pulled away. I leaned my forehead against his and hugged him closer with the arm around his neck. He rubbed my back gently and leaned forward to kiss my cheek softly in response.

"C'mon," he murmured quietly. "Let's get you to bed."

I nodded, but didn't move.

"Stay?" I whispered softly. I needed to rest, but I didn't want him to leave. I needed his warmth, his strength... I felt like he was all that was holding me together at that point. I wanted nothing else but to curl up with him, if he wanted to...

"Yeah," he murmured without hesitation, as if it was obvious that he would want to.

I nodded and said the only thing left to say.

"Ok."

* * *

**So, they're in it together now. Olivia's life is officially an open book for Seth. Any guesses about what made Seth nervous when she declared why she trusted him?**

**I just wanted to take a second to send a brief shout out to my new readers. *waves* Hello! So glad you found me over here. Welcome to the quiet intensity of Seth and Olivia's story. **

**And to the rest of you die hards... you know I love you, right? Well, just in case you weren't sure - I LOVE YOU GUYS! Seriously!**

**Until next time.**

**~H**


	16. Problems

**Hey everyone! Before I get started I just want to let you all know that I've worked with one of my twitter peeps, kare831, to contribute a o/s to the Fandom for Texas Wildfire Relief Fund. It's an Edward/Bella one, which is new to me, as you know. It's witty and sarcastic, and all kinds of fun. Here is the summary for it:**

_Three Strikes_ - Edward's a cocky baseball coach and Bella is a headstrong librarian. When they're asked to compromise to share a grant that has been gifted to the school they both work at, will they outplay each other or can they come to an agreement that benefits everyone?

**I'm Edward (and Carlisle, incidently) and she's Bella. Anyhow, if you've got an extra five dollars lying around and you haven't contributed yet, you can still do so until tomorrow. Here is the site: http : / texasfires . ysar . info / Take away all of the spaces, and away you go. You can see banners, summaries and teasers for most of the o/s contributions on this website, too if you're interested in knnowing what five dollars will get you. There are a lot of great authors contributing and it's a great cause. Go check it out!**

**No chapter song this time around. Thank you to shepeppy for editing this even though she's completely run off her feet right now. **

**SM owns Twilight. I own Seth's problems in this chapter.**

* * *

**S****POV**

"Do you guys want dessert now, or later?" Nessie asked as she and Olivia cleared up the plates from supper.

We were hanging out over at Jake and Nessie's place. It was Friday and the first week of school was officially over. Olivia and I made it to our classes through the rest of the week, but other than that we hadn't really gotten to spend much time together. I worked every weeknight from Sunday to Thursday and she had worked Wednesday and Thursday night this week too. So when Jake asked yesterday if Olivia was feeling well enough to come over for a barbeque at their place tonight I was really excited at the chance to spend some time with her outside of class. Apparently Olivia was too because she'd smiled and said yes before I even got through with the question. So Jake and I had been busy grilling earlier and now Nessie and Olivia were cleaning up.

I glanced over at Olivia and raised an eyebrow at her in question, seeing what she wanted to do. She had a few hours free from classes on Friday afternoons so she'd made a cheesecake to bring tonight before I picked her up. I figured she'd know when the best time was to eat it – her dessert, her call.

"Um, it's pretty rich," she said with a small shrug, glancing between me, Nessie and even Jake briefly. "Maybe a break would be nice."

Nessie smiled and nodded.

"Ok. That'll give me some time to wash the dishes and get them put away. We'll do cake with coffee in a bit, then?"

"Can I help?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Sure," Nessie said brightly, "thanks. I'll wash, you dry?"

Olivia nodded and the two of them headed off to the kitchen.

Jake rose out of his chair and stretched before nodding toward the back porch, silently asking me if I wanted to join him out there. The weather was cooling off a bit, but it was nothing we couldn't handle in jeans and t-shirts. I got up and followed him out there, taking a beer as Jake passed me one from a cooler they had sitting just outside the door. I sat, twisted the top off, glanced at Jake and waited. He rarely drank beer, and when he did it usually meant that he wanted to talk about something. The beer was like an ice-breaker with him. He must have had something important to ask because he usually saved this kind of thing for when he wanted to talk to one of us guys in the pack about wolf business when we were in human form.

He took a swig of his and swallowed while looking out over the light orange sky. The sun was just about to set. I did the same, while glancing toward the kitchen window a few feet away from us where I could see Nessie and Olivia working together to clean the dishes chatting quietly. I smiled when I heard Liv laugh and nod at Nessie's joke about how big her and Jake's grocery bill was from last week.

I loved that her and Nessie seemed to be hitting it off. They talked almost every day on the phone and even had coffee together on Thursday morning while Jake and I fixed a loose belt on my car before we all started class at eleven.

"Those two are good for each other," Jake said, smiling as he glanced toward the window and then back out at the sunset. He was obviously thinking the same thing I was about the two of them being friends. Jake and I were close, like brothers. We spent a lot of time hanging out together, even at home on the res, and with both of us wanting to be near our girls as much as we did, it was a good thing for us that the two of them seemed to be getting along. I knew Jake was worried about Nessie making friends up here, too. It was a first for her, trying to blend in without anyone knowing who or what she really was, and Jake really wanted it to go well. I liked that Olivia seemed to have an easy time talking with Nessie, too. It would be good for her to have some girlfriends. I figured they'd get along pretty well because Nessie was just about as sweet as Liv was, just a lot more outspoken and adventurous.

"Yeah. Olivia's really glad they're becoming friends," I said honestly.

Nessie smiled and winked in my direction through the window when Olivia wasn't looking, silently acknowledging my comment and letting me know that she felt the same way.

"So things are better for you guys the last few days? No more worries?" Jake asked casually.

I stared down at the bottle in my hands, really hoping Jake didn't notice my muscles tensing up and tried my best not to change my relaxed posture. Things between Olivia and I were good, really good. She was a lot more comfortable and relaxed around me, now that she'd told me about her past. Knowing what I did about her, and having her open up to me the way that she did definitely brought us closer together.

But... there were a couple of problems. None of them had to do with her directly. They all had to do with me and the secrets I was keeping from her about who I was and what she meant to me.

I guess I'd taken a little too long to come up with an answer because Jake sighed and shifted forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees, letting his beer bottle hang in his hands between them.

"Look, Seth," he began cautiously, "I don't want to pry, and if you really don't want to talk to me about how things are going with her, then that's ok with me. I won't ask you to. But..." He grimaced and looked up at me with serious eyes and lowered his voice a bit more. "Nessie saw her arm yesterday – the bruises. She showed it to me when she got home." He gestured with a hand, indicating that she'd used her gift to show him Olivia's arm in her thoughts.

"Nessie didn't say anything to Olivia, but... she's worried about her. And so am I. If you say it's nothing to worry about then I'll drop it and I'll tell Nessie not to worry about it either. But it doesn't _look_ like nothing. Between that, you guys missing the first day of school and what I heard from Quil about you the other day..." he raised his eyebrows levelled me with his stare. It was human Jake in alpha-mode at his best. He wasn't kidding when he said he was worried about Olivia. I was a member of his pack and Olivia was the girl that kept my world spinning and my heart beating, so if something was wrong with her, then something was wrong with me. She was officially a concern of his from the moment I'd imprinted, and now that she and Nessie were friends, she was even more important to Jake. What Nessie cares about, he cares about.

Olivia had been wearing long sleeved shirts all week to try and hide the bruises John had given her. She said that they didn't hurt after that first day and they were already starting to heal up, but obviously not enough to escape Nessie's keen eyes.

I grimaced, took another swig of my beer and stared at the deck beneath our feet, while trying to figure out what to tell him. I would never betray her confidence by telling Jake about her past. It wasn't my story to tell... it was way too personal and painful for me to assume that she'd be ok with me sharing any part of it with anyone. I'd purposefully avoided phasing all week so that I wouldn't let it slip, which wasn't easy – because I was still feeling like I wanted to hunt that fucker down and rip him limb from limb with my teeth.

And that was where my first big problem was. After Olivia woke up late Tuesday afternoon, I ordered some take out and we talked a bit more about things as we ate. I couldn't help but ask her again _why_ she didn't report him. Even if she'd waited a few weeks, she still could have told someone. Her wrist wouldn't necessarily have been completely healed by then and then there was also what happened at the doctor's office... she still had some things she could have used as evidence.

She'd told me again how she couldn't bring herself to tell the authorities because she knew that she would have to talk about it and be examined and she didn't think she could handle it alone. And she _definitely _would have been alone. Her parents had basically written her off after they found out what she'd done. The fact that she had been attacked, was a physical and emotional mess and wasn't armed with enough information about the topic to make an informed decision didn't seem to matter to them at all. So she would have had to do the whole thing without any real support. Her mother would have probably gone with her, done the whole going-through-the-motions thing in public, but once she got home she would have been on her own to deal with it. So I couldn't blame her for not wanting to, but at the same time I was still furious that he'd done that to her and gotten away with it.

_I sighed heavily and felt my jaw flex and tense as my teeth ground together. I glanced at Olivia who was staring intently at the salad she was pretending to eat as she poked it around the plastic container it was in with her fork._

"_I... I'm sor-" she began._

"_Don't, Liv," I said quickly, cutting her off before she could even get the word out. "I told you not to apologize for anything, and I meant it." _

_It was never going to be ok for me to hear her apologize about anything she'd said or done with regards to any of this. That son-of-a-bitch seemed like he'd planned everything out with her from the first day he approached her friend and played her sweet personality like a fiddle to get what he wanted. _He_ was the one who should be sorry. And if he wasn't already, I was definitely coming up with a few ways to make the piece of shit feel sorry that he'd ever been born. _

"_I wish I would have been strong enough to do it," she said quietly. "I'm always worried that – that I'm not the only one."_

_I felt a growl bubble up in my chest at the thought of him doing that to other girls because he'd already gotten away with it once, and what was worse was that _she_ would feel responsible for it._

"_Then he should be punished," I said slowly, keeping most of the growl out my voice. I was pretty sure she wouldn't have heard it. "You can't argue with that, Liv."_

_She glanced up at me cautiously and I saw her eyes widen at my expression. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. The protector in me was out in full force under my skin. There was no way she wouldn't have seen the angry glint in my eyes when I talked about punishing that parasite._

"_He will be," she whispered cautiously as her hands flickered down toward mine, widened even further, and then shifted back up to my eyes quickly. _

_I glanced down at my hands and realized I'd bent one of her forks nearly in half in my fist, and she'd seen it. No doubt the widened eyes meant that she was alarmed by it. I grimaced, set the fork straight the best I could and set it down next to my own container._

"_How?" I asked as I breathed deeply trying to calm down. "How is he going to be punished for it, Liv?"_

_I heard her swallow thickly and then sniffle. And then I felt like crap for the fact that she was crying and upset again. She should have been resting, but she wasn't because I couldn't let it go._

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody,"_ she murmured hesitantly. "Everyone has their own judgement day, Seth."_

_I hung my head and let out a deep, shaky breath. I didn't need to be an expert on the bible to know that she was quoting scripture there. _

"_So that's it? You want me to let it go?" I asked, knowing that if she felt strongly enough about something to quote the bible on it, she probably meant it. _

"_I don't see any other way," she whispered._

"_I don't like it," I grumbled harshly. "I can't just let him walk around out there, knowing what he did to you." _

It's killing me just thinking about it, angel.

"_I care about you too much to just let it go, Olivia," I said quietly, knowing that I was dangerously close to letting on how much she meant to me way too soon, but not really being able to help it at that point. _

_Small, soft fingers came in contact with my tight fist on top of the table. I looked up to find her staring at me with a pleading expression and a determinedly set jaw of her own. _

"_And I care too much about you to watch you get punished for hurting him," she said softly, but firmly. She swallowed thickly and looked down at our joined hands before continuing. "Please, Seth. Whatever you're thinking – don't. He's not worth it."_

"_But you are," I countered quickly. She was worth anything anyone who caught me ripping that fucker up could throw at me, and then some. It was just that what she didn't know, and I couldn't tell her yet, was that no one would ever find out who did it. And if they did, it would be filed under the miscellaneous heading of 'animal attack' and left at that._

_Her long black hair swished back and forth over the front of my sweater as she shook her head slowly. _

"_I lost a lot to him already, Seth... too much. I can see that you're upset... _really _upset about this. But if you punish him for me and something happens to you because of it... if you get caught or you get hurt... I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself for that. For putting you in that position."_

"_You're not putting me in any position," I half grumbled, half snarled. "_He _did this. _He's _the one responsible for all of it. _Not_ you. Never you." I felt like I couldn't say it enough. She needed to stop blaming herself for things that she had no choice about. It was like hearing a murder victim apologize for breathing. It wasn't their fault that they were alive and someone decided to take that away from them. And it wasn't her damn fault that she was sweet and beautiful and that fucking son-of-a-bitch used her to get himself off._

"_Please, Seth," she whispered again. "Please promise me..."_

Damn it, _she was literally begging me to let this go. She had absolutely no idea how hard this would be for me. She might as well be asking me to shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails. _

_I looked up into her bright blue eyes framed with full, dark, wet lashes. Her gaze was level, even and serious. She really didn't want me to do anything to him. Whether it was because she was worried that I'd get caught by the police or that he'd hurt me in the process – both of which were next to impossible – she was begging me not to because she cared about me enough to not want that to happen. _

_And that said something _big_ to me. She hated that fucker for what he'd done to her. I knew she did. She couldn't even bring herself to say his name the entire time she talked to me about him. So it dawned on me that if she was willing to put that hatred aside because she cared for me and didn't want to see me get hurt, it must mean that she cared an awful lot._

_Kind of like I did. Not the same way, but... yeah. Wow. A lot. She cared about me a lot._

_And Jesus... that was probably about the only thing that I could have seen in her eyes that would make me do what I did next._

_I grit my teeth and swallowed back the anger and frustration I was feeling over being called off the hunt, so to speak. _

"_Ok," I whispered and nodded once, stiffly. _

_She relaxed instantly and took a deep breath before smiling at me weakly with tears in her eyes._

"_Thank you."_

_She shouldn't thank me yet. I had conditions and they were non-negotiable._

"_I still don't like it, Liv," I said sharply, causing her face to fall as she nodded gently. "But I'll back off if you need me to – on two conditions."_

_Her eyes widened again at the severity of my tone as she nodded once slowly._

"_Ok," she murmured. "What are they?"_

"_One – if I ever catch wind of him taking advantage of another girl, in any way, I get to stop him. Even if I have to pull him off of her with my bare hands – and you don't get to stop me from doing it." _

_It was important to me because I didn't want her living with that kind of guilt – with the thought that he was hurting other girls because she hadn't reported him when she could. So there was that, and then there was the fact that I was pretty sure that the fucker would do it again, if he hadn't already. All of the low-life sleeze-balls who get away with it once try again. _

_She took a deep breath and blinked rapidly a few times, her brow crinkling as she thought it over. I waited until she nodded hesitantly in agreement, before giving her my second, really, non-fucking-negotiable condition._

"_Two," I growled out, moving on quickly before she could comment on the rumble in my voice. "If he ever even so much as breathes the wrong way in your direction again – his ass is _mine_. No questions asked, no arguments. He hurts you again – _in any way_ – and he's going to have to answer to me for it. Period."_

_She sucked in a gasp and leaned back a few inches in surprise. _

"_S-Seth..." she breathed, "but w-what if-"_

"_No buts, or what if's," I said firmly, looking straight into her shocked and apprehensive eyes. "No one bothered to stick up for you or protect you from him the first time, but I'll be _damned_ if I'm letting that happen again. That's it, Liv. Take it or leave it."_

_I probably should have felt bad for being so harsh, but I wanted her to know that I meant what I was saying. She was mine now, and I protect what's mine. She'd suffered enough._

_She blinked rapidly and her mouth fell open a bit __as__ she pulled in a sharp breath. It was like she was shocked that I'd said what I did. I guess it made sense given her track record, with the way other people who supposedly cared about her had failed her in this department. But that was them and this was me. She needed to know that there was no way anyone hurting her in any way would ever be acceptable to me – least of all that sick son-of-a-bitch._

"_You're serious?" she asked cautiously._

"_Yup," I said simply. I held her gaze with my eyes, not looking down or away. I didn't even blink. I just waited to hear what she'd say._

_She took a couple of deep breaths, looked down at her hands which she'd moved to her lap, and then nodded._

"Seth?" Jake asked exasperatedly.

_Shit._

I got lost in my thoughts about the other day and still hadn't answered him. I shook my head to clear it and glanced up at Jake.

_Aw hell, _I thought, _this isn't good. _His jaw was working side to side and his lips were set in a thin line. He was not happy. He probably thought I was avoiding the question, when really, I just couldn't figure out how to answer him without lying to him or giving something away.

"Come on, Seth," he mumbled seriously. "I can tell something's up. It might help to talk about things, get some stuff off your chest if you need to."

Yeah, I was pretty sure it would help. But I couldn't talk about it. Not most of it anyway.

"I, uh..." I started hesitantly. "I want to tell her about me. I need to." That was the second problem I had – the one I _could_ tell him about. I was feeling all kinds of guilty for holding out on her and not telling her about me after she'd opened up to me the way she had. It was like she said about herself – I wanted her to know. She needed to know what she was getting into with me, too, and I was holding back about telling her because I was scared that it would be too much for her... and that she'd leave me. I was pretty sure I wanted to tell her even worse than she wanted to tell me, because I knew that I was being a coward by hiding it. I had no doubt that she was worried about the very same things when she told me about her past, but she had been brave enough to do it. And I hadn't. Not yet, anyway. But it was going to happen soon, I was pretty sure of it. I didn't want to hide things from her. She said that she trusted me and I wanted it to stay that way – always. So I needed to be honest with her as soon as I could.

"She needs to know why..." I continued, but stopped before I said too much. She needed to know all of it. About me being a wolf, about imprinting – everything. If she did, then she would know why I needed to protect her the way that I did. She'd know that I'd never get hurt or get caught by anyone if I took that sick fucker out. And she'd know that I'm not exactly an innocent guy, either. I wanted to tell her _everything_, like she had done for me.

"Why _what,_ Seth?"

_Why I want her to be ok with me sinking my teeth into the bastard that raped her and practically ruined her life._

I sighed heavily and shook my head. Not going there. Shouldn't have said anything.

I heard Nessie inside asking Olivia if she wouldn't mind helping her make coffee and set up the table for dessert. She was probably trying to buy more time for me and Jake to talk. I kind of wished she hadn't, though. I knew he was just trying to help and that Nessie was concerned, but some things are just meant to be kept between partners in a relationship. And this was definitely one of them.

"Ok," Jake said after a minute. "You know you don't need my permission to do anything like that, right? It's your call, Seth. If you think she's ready, or if she really just needs to know, then you should tell her. I'll help you any way that I can, man. All you have to do is ask."

I nodded in thanks and let it go at that. I tipped my head back and took a big swig of my beer, downing most of what was left in a couple of gulps. I wanted to head back inside, grab some dessert, cuddle up next to my girl and forget this conversation ever happened.

"Can you just tell me one thing?" he asked as I lowered my head and the bottle.

I glanced over at him wearily and nodded.

He took a deep breath, glanced at the floor, set his jaw and then looked straight back up and into my eyes.

"Was it you?" he whispered, cautiously, seriously.

I growled and felt the bottle I was holding shatter in my hand when my fingers curled into angry, shaking fists.

"_What did you just ask me_?" I snarled out, rising out of my chair, staring down at him in astonished disgust. I couldn't believe he just had the balls to ask me something like that - to even _suggest_ it.

He dropped his beer, held up his hands and sighed deeply while looking up at me. He didn't make any moves to get up, which was a good thing, because alpha and brother or not, I was teetering right on the edge of kicking his ass, imprinted wolf style.

"Quil said you were angrier than he'd ever seen you in the woods that night," Jake said calmly, quietly. "You told me not even a couple of hours before that about some heavy shit she'd shared about herself. Then you both miss school because she's sick... and she comes back with a bruised arm."

"_Watch it_," I snarled under my breath, low and viciously. He had better fucking watch where he was going with this. He knew me better than to suggest what he was saying, and he knew it. That's why he was backing it up with evidence to support _why _he was doing it.

"You're quiet lately and getting mad at the drop of a hat..." he paused and looked down at the ground, huffing out a frustrated breath with a guilty, but knowing expression on his face. "Accidents happen, Seth. It wouldn't be the first time –"

"I. Am. Not. Sam." I growled out between my teeth.

"No, you're not. But you _are_ an imprinted wolf, Seth," he said pointedly, "and if you got some more bad news from her and you lost your cool because-"

"_I would NEVER hurt her_," I growled out so fiercely I could barely make out the words. Jake must have caught them though, and known that I was dead serious, because he relaxed into his chair with relief, his shoulders slumped forward guiltily and he looked up at me with an apology written all over his face.

"Look, I'm so-"

"Save it," I snarled and backed out of his personal space, giving myself some room to breathe and calm down. Jake sat in his chair, hung his head a bit and watched me in silence. I didn't want to hear it. What he almost accused me of was the worst thing just about anyone had ever said or done to me. At that moment I didn't give a shit what his reasons were. For him to even suggest that I would be stupid enough to be near her when I felt like that, or to _hurt_ her – even accidentally – made my blood boil.

After a minute or so, I stopped shaking and felt the heat in my spine cool off to a dull warmth. I wasn't a hundred percent calm, but I was good enough to act somewhat normally.

"Jake?" Nessie questioned appearing at the door. She took one look at our faces, the shattered bottle on the deck and my hand – glancing at a rapidly healing cut that I hadn't even noticed was _there_ until that point – and asked Olivia to grab the cake from the fridge, I guessed to keep her from seeing my hand heal the way that it was.

"Don't worry about it," I grumbled at Nessie, shaking my hand out quickly as it closed all the way up and then wiping the blood off of it with a towel that was sitting on top of the cooler. "We're leaving."

I nodded at Nessie's shocked face as I passed by her to get into the house. Olivia was standing in the kitchen just inside the door, looking up at me with confusion and concern. I took a deep breath, picked up her uninjured hand and held it gently in mine, and rubbed my thumb over the skin on the back of it to ground myself.

"You ok if we skip dessert?" I asked quietly.

She frowned at my hurt expression and glanced back towards the doorway where Nessie was standing looking out at Jake while biting her lip and fidgeting with her fingers.

"Yeah. Sure," she breathed and glanced once more at Nessie with apologetic eyes before turning to face me.

"Let's get out of here," I mumbled, and headed for the door with her in tow.

We made our way out to the car and all the way back to her apartment in silence. I was still trying to calm down, and she was most likely trying to figure out what the hell went wrong.

"Do you want to come up?" she asked when I parked in front of her building. "I made two cakes. We can cut up the second one, if you want to."

I glanced up at her and she smiled a small expectant smile, but not in a way that made me feel pressured to say yes if I didn't want to. I loved the way she could read me like that. She could tell that I was at my breaking point and just needed to cool off... or that I could really use a distraction. And right then, my gorgeous girl and a slice of cake sounded like just the thing.

"Yeah. That sounds good," I agreed with a half smile.

She ended up making us some peppermint tea to go with the cake. The cheesecake was chocolate and combined with the minty flavour of the tea, it was fantastic. I couldn't help but imagine that it was what her mouth would taste like after drinking her favourite tea. All the warm, rich, chocolaty flavour of _Olivia _combined with fresh mint... it was something to think about, that's for sure.

"Seth?" she asked quietly as she set her plate down on the coffee table. She turned to look at me, focusing her big, wide blue eyes on mine. I felt bad when I was the concern in them. I wanted tonight to be fun after the last few days we'd spent together, which were really intense.

"Yeah?" I asked and gently shifted over so that I was sitting right beside her. I picked up the hand next to mine and started making my circles on her skin with my thumb. I couldn't seem to stop doing that – not that I wanted to. I loved the way her skin felt underneath the pad of my thumbs. It was kind of grounding for me, too. I was always wanting to touch her skin, trying to keep myself 'plugged in' to our connection so to speak. It made me feel warm, light and happy. She was wearing her skinny jeans and that amazing blue shirt she wore the first time she came to my apartment again. I loved that I could see the outline of all of her curves with the way it fit. And the colour mixed with her features was nothing short of amazing. She was all bright blue eyes, creamy white skin, jet black hair and pouty pink lips. Yeah, my girl was off the charts gorgeous.

_Damn, I am one lucky guy._

"Can I ask you something?"

"Is it about having another slice of cake, because... _damn_ angel, I don't think I can eat another bite." It was true, for once. I was feeling pretty full. It was probably because I'd eaten almost half of the cake by myself, but it was worth every bite. My girl could make some serious dessert.

She huffed out a surprised laugh and shook her head with a smile.

"No. It's not."

I shrugged and nodded at the same time, giving her a silent signal to go ahead.

Her face softened out again into the cautious and concerned one she wore before.

"Why did we leave Jacob and Nessie's house early?"

I sighed and grimaced, not really wanting to tell her that I was mad at Jake for suggesting that I was the one that hurt her. I didn't want her thinking that I was capable of something like that.

"Jake said something that upset me," I offered, giving her half the truth. I didn't want to lie to her. I'd promised myself I wouldn't do that, and I was sticking to it.

She frowned and squeezed my hand in hers.

"You two don't seem like you fight very often," she said quietly.

I shook my head.

"No. We don't." It was true. I didn't fight with anyone very often actually, unless you counted the snarky banter between me and my sister.

"I'm sorry he upset you, Seth."

I glanced up at her to see that she was frowning at my sympathetically.

"It's alright. He was just... looking out for me, really." _And you, _I added silently and then frowned myself. I still couldn't believe that he had the nerve to think I'd hurt her, but he _was_ looking out for her, and in the end I had to be grateful to him for doing it. I really couldn't be upset about that.

"Well, I hope you can work things out between you. You two seem really close."

"Yeah, we are," I mumbled and rolled my shoulders to try and work away some of the tension I was feeling again just talking about it.

She glanced at my shoulders as I rolled them and then looked at me curiously.

"What do you do to relax?" she asked.

_Go wolf and run. Fast._

"Um, I run a lot," I said, giving her half the truth again.

She looked out the window.

"It's dark out, but it's not too cold. You could still go..." she said softly.

I shook my head and squeezed her hand. I'd missed her for the last three days. I didn't want to leave her yet, even if it meant I could run.

"No. I'm good."

She nodded and squeezed my hand back.

"Ok."

"What do you do?" I asked in return. I knew she liked to run at the gym. I figured if she liked it as much as I did, maybe we could go together sometime. I'd have to jog and keep it really slow beside her, but I'd love to try it someday.

She smiled at me and then looked down at our hands.

"I sketch... or paint," she murmured.

"Really?"

That was an interesting way to wind down. I wasn't artistic at all, and whenever I had to do anything with drawing or painting or even collages at school I found it kind boring and frustrating. She obviously didn't, though. Maybe it was because she was so good at it...

"Mm hmm," she hummed and nodded. "I sketch every night before I go to bed, too. It helps me clear my head before I go to sleep."

I smiled and nodded.

_So that's what the pencil scratching over paper was every night. She wasn't writing she was sketching. I should have guessed._

"Can I see some?" I asked curiously.

She took a deep breath as her eyebrows lifted in surprise

"Umm," she mumbled and then blinked a couple of times quickly, "sure. Ok."

I got the feeling that I'd asked her to show me something that was personal to her based on her reaction, and I felt kind of bad about it. I didn't want her to think she had to say yes just because I'd asked.

"It's ok if you don't want to," I said shrugging one shoulder and smiling a bit at her. "I was just curious."

"No... it's not that," she said while shaking her head slightly. "No one's ever asked to see them before. I don't mind sharing some of them... if you really want to see them."

"I'd love to," I said with a smile.

"Ok," she said with a small smile of her own. "Follow me."

She rose off the couch keeping my hand in hers and I followed walking behind her, down the hallway and into her bedroom. She didn't have an overhead light so she switched on the lamp beside her bed. I loved her room. It was soft green colour and all of the furniture in it was white. Her bedding was my favourite part. It was the same bright blue as her eyes and the shirt she was wearing, with white swirls running through it. When I'd tucked her in the other day I couldn't get over how peaceful she looked there. I'd snuggled up next to her over the covers and spent almost two hours just staring at her and running my hands through her hair.

I sat down on the edge of the bed as she released my hand and crouched down to grab one of the small, black coil bound books on the shelf at the bottom of her nightstand. She stood up and offered it to my shyly.

I took it from her and then shifted backward so that I was sitting in the middle of the mattress with my legs sticking out in front of me.

"Sit with me?" I asked quietly.

"Ok."

She smiled and climbed up on the bed. I widened my legs as she did and reached for her hand with my free one, gently pulling her to sit between them. She sat cross legged in the space I'd created and I wrapped my arm around her small waist, placed the book in her lap and rested my chin on her shoulder so I could see.

"This ok?" I murmured. I really hoped so. I needed to be near her tonight. Holding her tiny warm body in my arms like I was helped me relax better than running ever did.

"Yeah," she breathed and then turned her head to place a soft kiss on my cheek. I smiled, turned my head to meet hers and brushed our lips together, not really kissing, just touching them together. I wasn't sure if she would be ok with doing anything like that on her bed, and I didn't want to take a chance with it and be wrong. I figured things were bound to move slowly in that department and that was fine with me. I loved holding her hand, hugging her body to mine, kissing her... whatever we did, really. I wasn't in any rush. So I kept it light.

She surprised me, though, by leaning forward a bit and kissing _me_. Her soft lips surrounded my bottom one, held it for a couple of seconds and then slowly slipped away. And man was I glad for the couple of inches of space she left between her lower half and mine, because when she did things like that my body reacted instantly.

I smiled as she pulled away and kissed her cheek again before placing my chin back on her shoulder.

I opened the book to the first page and saw a sketch of a tennis ball in a small set of hands.

"I usually draw the best moment of my day, or the one that was the most memorable," she whispered. "I played catch with a little boy at Sunday school for the whole hour that day, and he smiled the whole time. He said his dad was always too busy to play with him. We had a lot of fun."

I smiled at the picture and the smile in her voice. She told me once before that she volunteered to help out with Sunday school at her dad's church. Her small fingers reached for the edge of the page and lifted it, turning to the next one.

I laughed when I saw this one.

"A donut?" I questioned.

She chuckled under her breath and nodded.

"Mmhmm. It's a sour cream one. They're my favourite. I don't eat them very often, but when I do it's usually the highlight of my day," she explained. Her voice turned serious as she continued. "My mom bought me this one on our way up here to move me into my apartment."

I could tell by the way that she said it that is wasn't just the memory of eating the donut that was special, it was the fact that her mom thought to buy it for her. I squeezed the arm around her waist a bit and rubbed circles with my thumb just under her ribs to show her that I understood what she was saying.

She turned to the next page and told me the story about how she met Amber the next day. The sketch was of her, and it was really good. I couldn't believe how she managed to sketch her so well after meeting her just once. The drawing wasn't detailed, per say, but the shape of her body and features on her face were really well done. Not to mention the colouring of her skin, hair and eyes. The other sketches were only done in pencil, but this one has been coloured in. I couldn't get over how she managed to shade in her hair and skin to an almost perfect shade. I asked Olivia about it and she shrugged a bit, saying that she just remembers things best that way and left it at that. She made it sound like it was nothing special, but I couldn't help but feel a whole lot of pride and admiration for her. She was _really_ talented.

She went through a few more, basically showing me what her first couple of weeks were like after she moved into her dorm room and started her summer class before shutting the book. As she did a couple of things fell out of the back of it and into her lap.

I took in the two items with wide eyes and heart so warm and full that I thought it might overflow.

"Is that...?" I asked and pointed at the small yellow flower that was dried and pressed flat.

I felt her nod next to me slowly.

The second item was something I hadn't actually seen with my own eyes, but I had a feeling that it was exactly what I thought it was, especially since it seemed to have a home right next to that little yellow flower in her book.

"And that's...?"

She nodded again.

"It's our leaf," she murmured quietly.

_Our leaf. _

She kept the leaf that she pulled from my hair right before our kiss and the little yellow flower I'd tucked behind her hair on our first date.

"Liv," I whispered and nuzzled my face into her neck. I couldn't believe that she kept those. It was just another little thing that she did that showed me that she cared – a lot. And after the night I'd had, it was just what I needed to see. I didn't know what to say to her, to show her how much it meant to me that she'd kept those two things. I knew what I _wanted_ to say...

I wanted to tell her that I loved her, because I did. I knew that a lot of the reason I was feeling that way so soon was because of the fact that I'd imprinted, and that meant that I'd loved her from the first time I'd laid eyes on her. But it was more than that now. I really did think that if I'd met her and hadn't imprinted I'd still fall for her. She was just too amazing for me _not_ to.

I really didn't think I could tell her that yet, though. Mostly because if I said it, then she might want to say it back.

_God, I hope she'd want to say it back._

But then again, part of me didn't think it would be true if she did. She might have thought about it, and maybe it would be what she was actually feeling, but she didn't know me yet. Not all of me like I did with her. It was just another reason she needed to know who I was.

I needed to tell her. Not tonight – but soon.

Since I couldn't tell her how I felt, I figured I'd show her the best way I could.

I used the hand that had been holding her book to brush her hair behind her shoulder and nuzzled into her neck again, this time kissing her very lightly as I did. It was the first time I'd kissed her anywhere but on her face or in her hair, so I paused after I did it and waited to see if it was ok. She shivered slightly and her heart picked up speed a notch or two, but that was it. It wasn't until she took a deep shaky breath and let her head fall to the side a bit a few second later, opening up her neck to me just a little more, that I knew she was ok with it.

"Thank you," I whispered into her neck before kissing her gently one more time. "That means a lot to me," I murmured and took a deep breath, breathing in the sweet scent of chocolate and cherries that belonged to my girl. I kissed her again, this time closer to her shoulder. Her shirt sat high up on her collar bones but had a really wide neck, leaving half of her shoulder uncovered on each side. I kissed her soft, pale skin all the way down to the hem line on her shoulder, all the while rubbing those slow circles on her stomach with my thumb, right below her ribs.

She shivered again as I made my way back up her neck. I smiled against her skin as I realized that she liked it. She was so brave to trust me this way, and I was kind of feeling humbled that she did. I wasn't sure what I was doing that made her feel like she could trust me, but I was so glad that she did. I'd never make her regret it and I'd do everything I could to keep earning it.

I finally pulled away from her neck and leaned my forehead down on hers, taking a minute to catch my breath. She had no idea how every little touch with her got to me, how every time she let me be the guy to kiss her and hold her made me feel like I was ten feet tall.

A knock on the door interrupted me just before I was about to lean down and kiss her lips. It startled her a bit and she pulled back, opening her eyes to stare right into mine. I loved the fact that she was smiling shyly at me when she did.

"I should probably get that," she whispered.

I nodded and kissed her cheek quickly before releasing her and climbing off of the bed. I turned and offered her a hand as she climbed off too. She gave my hand a light squeeze before letting it go and heading toward her bedroom door.

"I'll be right back," she murmured as whoever it was knocked again.

I tucked my thumbs into my pockets and glanced around her room a bit as she made her way to the front door. The knob turned and I heard the door slide open just a bit.

"Hey, Olivia."

"Oh _hell_ no," I muttered under my breath angrily. My day just kept getting better and better, I thought bitterly.

I used long strides to make my way to the door as quickly as I could. I made it there just as she managed to get the door open wide enough to reveal herself fully and snaked a protective arm around her waist, startling her a bit as I pulled her into me, away from the open door – and _him_.

"John..." she started hesitantly while I glared in the motherfucker's guilty looking and chagrined face. If looks could kill he'd be lying stiff as a board on the hallway floor at the moment and I really wouldn't care one bit if he was. But Olivia would. I hadn't forgotten that she thought what happened between them was her fault. My guess was that he was there to explain. I was actually pretty fucking grateful that I was around when he showed up to do it. There was no way in hell I was going to feel comfortable with her and him being anywhere alone together, for any reason, ever again. So if he had explaining to do I was glad that it would be in front of me.

"What the hell do you want?" I ground out, working my jaw slightly. His eyes widened at my tone and he glanced down at Olivia, who was looking back and forth between us with a guilty frown playing across her face.

"I uh..." he mumbled, suddenly looking he was nervous. I smirked at him coldly and kept my eyes on his. He flinched. I grinned and narrowed my eyes.

_That's right, motherfucker. You messed with my girl, now you're going to have to deal with me._

He swallowed thickly and looked down at Olivia nervously.

"I figured that we should talk about the other night, and uh, maybe explain things a bit?" he mumbled.

Olivia glanced up at me and then back at John quickly.

"Maybe now's not the best time," she said quietly.

"Nope," I responded just as quietly, "it's the perfect time. I, for one, would love to hear you explain how and why you grabbed on to her so tightly that she's _been bruised for days_."

John's eyes widened again, this time almost to the point where he looked like a Saturday morning cartoon. He swallowed hard again and then glanced down at her wrist. He had the decency to pale and whispered a curse under his breath when he saw the damage he'd done to her. Then his eyes drifted to back up to mine and he froze.

_Oh yeah motherfucker_, I thought to myself wryly, _you know you'd better have a good explanation for this, or your ass is mine_.

* * *

**Ok, before you hit that review button I want to remind you all not to be _too_ mad at Jake. He's Seth's best friend and his alpha and he's just trying to look out for him - even at the risk of offending him.**

**Some of you during WG wondered how Olivia was able to convince Seth, an imprinted wolf, NOT to kick Travis's ass. Now you know. I'm curious, though... if you were Seth, would you have gone against her wishes and done it anyway?**

**Until next time,**

**Hitchy**

**Oh, and here's that website for the Fandom for Texas Wildfire relief, just in case you want to check it out: (take out the spaces) http : / texasfires . ysar . info /**


	17. Realizations

**Thank you to everyone who contributed to the Fandom for Texas Wildfire Relief fund. I hope you're enjoyed the compilation. I know I have! **

**Once again, I'm tardy. As usual, I have a million reasons, the least of which include having the stomach flu and putting my house up for sale last week, but none of you clicked this link to ready about that, I'm sure. So I won't bore you with it. I'm sorry these aren't coming out faster. Please know that I'm doing my best to get them to you as quickly as I can. I promise to get to review replies this week, too. I know I'm behind, but I have read and cherish each and every one of them. THANK YOU!**

**This chapter is unbeta'd. I didn't think want to keep you waiting any longer for it. _Shepeppy_ will look at it and I'll try to correct it later. **

**Chapter song:_ Northern Wind by City and Colour. _ Do yourself a favour, open a new window and listen to this one. It's beyond beautiful. Incidentally the album and band referred to in this chapter is also City and Colour and their album, Little Hell. Here is the link: www . youtube . com / watch ? v = Uwy _ 8O _ 3m Wk (don't forget to take out the spaces)**

**SM owns Twilight. I own all of Olivia's realizations.**

* * *

You're the Northern Wind

Sending shivers down my spine

You're like falling leaves

In an autumn night

You're the lullaby

That's singing me to sleep

You are the other half

You're like the missing piece

Oh my love

Oh my love

Oh my love

You don't know

What you do to me, to me

_Northern Wind ~ City and Colour_

**OPOV**

I felt my eyes flicker back and forth nervously between Seth's fierce and determined expression and John's pale and regretful one. For a moment or two no one said anything. Seth and John seemed to be busy sizing the situation and each other up and I was still reeling a bit from the shock of seeing Seth as worked up as he was for the second time in one night. From the minute John showed up at my door, Seth was nothing if not almost a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn around in personality from the moment I'd met him. He was usually so calm, easy going, kind and sweet, but tonight he was agitated, edgy and... well... the only other word I could use to describe him was _sad_. If it were someone else I might be tempted to pass off the change in his temperament as fatigue. We did just start school and he was working practically full time on top of it... but it was more than that. I could see it in his eyes. They were still deep, dark and full of warmth, but some of the peacefulness was gone from them. It was in the way they flickered away from mine at times, uncomfortably. I couldn't help but feel responsible for it. I unloaded a lot of the pain I was harbouring onto him throughout the beginning of the week, and he'd taken it all in stride. Aside from the fact that he was very clear about wanting to hurt Travis for what he'd done to me, he'd been nothing but sweet and understanding towards me.

But... he was guarded too. Like just now. I focused on him as he stared at John through narrowed eyes and watched as his gaze flickered down to mine. He swallowed thickly, tightened his arms around my waist and took a deep breath, looking for all the world like he wanted to say something to me but then decided against it. Instead, he pulled me a bit closer to him and went back to staring daggers at John in my doorway.

I sighed lightly, not knowing quite what to make of the change in him over the past few days, today especially, and then focused my attention on the situation at hand. John was here and he wanted to explain what happened the other night. I knew that _Seth_ still blamed him for hurting me, but_ I_ honestly wasn't quite sure what happened. I know that I was upset after talking to my mom and that I panicked when he grabbed my arm, but after that nothing I remembered made much sense. I tend to space out a bit when I have a panic attack and I'm really not that aware of myself or my surroundings during one because of it... but Monday night was different. I was truly out of it at itimes, like I wasn't present in the room with John at all. He might have grabbed on to me a bit too harshly, but he didn't seem like the type of person to do that without having a good reason to. He was forward at times, but never mean or cruel. Something about what happened that night just wasn't adding up and I really felt like I needed to find out what it was. I had a feeling that something had happened to provoke John's behaviour that night, and the only person around to do that at the time was _me_. I wasn't sure what I'd done. I didn't like not knowing, and if it was bad enough to upset him the way that I remembered him being, then despite the injured wrist, I felt like I might be the one that had something to apologize for.

I took a small step to the side, manoeuvring out of Seth's arm and then stepped back and away from the door.

"Why don't you come in?" I murmured quietly to John, who was still caught up in Seth's glare.

Both men snapped their attention to me at the sound of my voice. John's blue eyes looked at me apprehensively and Seth's expression looked nothing short of shocked.

"What?" Seth said incredulously. "Liv..." he started with frustration and then trailed off, shaking his head at me gently, letting me know that he didn't like the idea.

I shook my head slightly in return. I understood that he didn't like it, but I knew I needed to talk to John to figure things out and really didn't feel like doing it with him standing in the hallway for just anyone to listen to as they walked by. Seth was with me, it would be fine. I honestly thought that, although it would probably be uncomfortable, having him come in to talk while Seth was here would be the best option.

"It's ok," I said quietly to Seth, hoping that John knew it was for him as well. I reached out and took hold of Seth's heated hand, just now noticing how it was curled up into a fist and shaking slightly. Unfortunately, John chose that moment to accept my invitation and stepped forward, which made Seth tense up even more.

Seth shifted his large frame over a couple of inches so that he was blocking the door enough to keep John out.

"We can talk right here," he said quietly and firmly.

"She _invited_ me in, man," John said pointedly, suddenly seeming to gather himself together out of his shock from before.

"Well, I'm _un_inviting you," Seth said just as pointedly.

"Seth, stop," I breathed incredulously. I knew that he didn't seem to like John and that he was having a rough night, and that was why I'd suggested earlier that now wasn't the best time to talk. Seth insisted that it was, though, so I went with it, but didn't want to do it so publicly. He was surprising me with his reaction, though. I'd never seen him so upset and insistent, and it was a little shocking, if not even a bit frightening to see him get this worked up.

I took another step back and away from the situation as a whole and let Seth's hand drop from mine as I did. My skin pebbled a bit with goose bumps at the realization that Seth was acting like this because he was _angry_. It was easy to see now in the set of his jaw and the tension that ran from his shoulders down to his fists. I wasn't sure if he was upset with John or my decision to invite him in to talk or both, but either way, it unnerved me a bit. Actually, more than a bit. I didn't like conflict and certainly wasn't a fan of violence and for the first time since I'd met him Seth actually looked like he was capable of initiating or participating in both of those things.

As I slid my now lightly trembling palms down over my hips trying to figure out a way to diffuse the situation Seth's eyes cut back toward me. His brow furrowed a bit as his eyes flickered over me in confusion... until they focused on my shaky hands.

In an instant his face fell, his shoulders dropped and his eyes widened as they flooded with warmer emotions.

"Liv," he breathed, shaking his head a bit and working his mouth as if trying to decide what to say. I stayed still where I was, wondering what caused the sudden shift in his attitude. I was grateful for the fact that he didn't look angry at the moment, but I was still well aware of the fact that John, the apparent source of his anger, was still standing behind him in my doorway, watching us closely with a confused expression of his own.

I honestly didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk to John. But I didn't want to upset Seth, especially if he was going to get angry with John. I blinked a few times and glanced at the carpet beneath my feet trying to gather my thoughts, but it wasn't really working. I was tense standing near the two of them and couldn't think straight.

"Excuse me," I murmured as I decided that the kitchen was probably the best place for me to sort things out while the two of them were at odds in the doorway. I made my way there quietly, keeping my eyes on the floor and away from both of them.

"Olivia, wait," Seth said apologetically as I made my way into the centre of the small room. I closed my eyes and stood still where I was. I didn't want to ignore his request, but I really needed to be away from the tension between the two of them so I could think.

Within what seemed like seconds I heard the door to my apartment close and felt Seth's warm presence standing in front of me. Even with my eyes closed he was impossible to miss. There was no mistaking that sweet woodsy mix of sandalwood and chamomile that diffused into the air around him and the heat that he managed to throw off. It radiated from him all the time, although I had to admit that something in me felt that the skin of his hand felt even warmer to my touch just moments before when he was upset.

I must have been imagining things, though because at that moment he slipped his palms around my hands and brought them between us and they felt just the same as they always did. Warmer than mine, but not overheated like I'd thought they were just a minute ago.

"I'm sorry," he mumured quietly. "I'm so sorry for scaring you. I didn't mean to."

I opened my eyes and glanced up at him tentatively through my lashes. He wasn't lying. His apology was written all over his face. His eyes even danced back and forth between mine and the rest of me like he was trying to determine if he'd hurt me somehow.

"I'm fine," I whispered and then glanced down at our hands where his thumbs were circling slowly over the back of mine. "It's okay."

"No it's not," he whispered immediately.

I heard the distinct sound of someone getting settled on my couch and realized with a start that John was actually in my apartment. I tensed again, wondering if that was still going to be a problem.

"Are you still upset with me for inviting him in?" I murmured cautiously.

"What?" he breathed incredulously. "No! No I-". He stopped abruptly and crouched down in front of me, so low that he was practically on his knees, so that he could look into my face while my head was down and my eyes were trained on my own feet.

"Hey," he whispered cautiously, "look at me."

I shifted my eyes up to look at his and then couldn't hold back the small smile of relief that played on my lips. He was back. One hundred percent of the warmth and peace I loved to see in his eyes was back.

"I wasn't upset with you. I was upset _for _you," he explained slowly, quietly.

I felt my own brow furrow a bit with confusion as I tried to figure out what the small difference in his statements meant. Seth closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath before continuing his explanation.

"He _hurt_ you. And _that_ upsets me. A lot."

I frowned and nodded in understanding. It wasn't like I was thrilled about what had happened myself. What was even more upsetting to me, though, was the fact that I really didn't know how or why any of it happened the way that it did.

"I don't think he meant to hurt me, Seth," I explained in a voice just above a whisper. "I just want to find out what happened."

He opened his eyes and looked back into mine, conflicted.

"I still don't like it, whether he meant to or not."

I nodded again. "I just want to talk to him. I don't like not being able to remember exactly what happened. But... I... I don't want to upset you, either."

"_He_ upsets me, not you," Seth explained seriously. "I'm sorry if you thought I was mad at you. I wasn't. I just," he paused and squeezed my hands in his pointedly, "I'm a little overprotective of the people I care about. And that includes you." He swallowed thickly and glanced down at our hands. "Especially you, Liv," he mumbled softly.

I took a deep breath and used the moment to think about what he said and the sincerity with which he said it. He was trying to protect me because he cared about me. Could I really fault him for being upset at the thought of me being around someone who had hurt me? Would I want him to be around someone who had hurt him? No. Absolutely not. As a matter of fact, I'd agreed to leave Jacob and Nessie's house so easily earlier for that very same reason. I figured that Jacob had done something to upset him and thought that it was probably best if we left...

"Okay," I whispered in understanding.

He quirked an eyebrow at me and smiled a cautious half-smile.

"Okay?" he questioned.

I nodded and smiled back.

"I get it, Seth. Thank you for explaining it to me. I just... I really need to figure that night out."

He stood up slowly and then bent down to kiss the corner of my mouth softly. I shifted my head to the side and pressed my lips to his briefly, letting him know that everything really was okay. When he straightened up after that he was smiling at me warmly.

"Okay," he said taking a deep breath while glancing at the wall between us and the living room where John sat waiting for us, "let's do this."

"Thank you," I murmured gratefully and released one of hands, entwining our fingers together with the other two. I wanted him to know that I felt safe with him and that we were going to talk to John about what happened _together_. He flashed me a grateful smile that told me that I'd made the right decision, before we walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

John sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped between them. He eyed our joined hands for a couple of seconds as we came in before letting his gaze drift between Seth's face and mine. I looked up to Seth to find that his eyes were on me, waiting to see how I wanted to handle things. I glanced at the couch and decided that sitting close to John with Seth was probably not a good idea, so I led Seth over to the large chair in the corner opposite the couch.

"Sit with me?" I murmured quietly. He flashed me another small grateful smile and nodded before folding his large frame into the chair. The chair was oversized, even for a guy as big as Seth, so there was plenty of room for me to sit between his legs like I'd done on the bed earlier. As I settled in I was grateful that Seth didn't wrap an arm around me or cuddle me closely like he did earlier when it was just the two of us. I would have felt awkward. He simply held one of my hands in one of his on my lap. I felt the other one rest lightly on my hip just behind mine.

Once we were settled John surprised me by being the one to start things off.

"Olivia, I'm really sorry about your arm," he said apologetically. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "It's just a bit bruised," I confirmed. "I'm fine."

"I swear I wouldn't have held on so tight if I could have helped it," he said quickly, "but... the way you were pulling at it didn't help either, I guess."

"I was pulling at it?" I asked quietly. I didn't remember trying to pull away... although if I thought about it, it would seem like a very automatic thing for me to do... to react the way I had before.

"Yeah," he said as if it were obvious. "That's what I was hoping to clear up with you. I don't know what I did to scare you, and whatever it was I'm really sorry I did it... but you were _really _freaking out."

I sighed deeply and looked down at my hands. I literally had no memory of how any of it started. I only remember _feeling_... I was scared and someone was tugging at my wrist.

"I didn't know that you were there," I explained, so that he'd understand that he caught me by surprise. "I didn't know it was you," I added, so that he'd know that I wasn't necessarily freaking out on _him_ at the time.

"I know. I mean, I figured as much, but..." he said quietly, "but that's what I don't get, Olivia. I knew that I caught you off guard when I grabbed your arm to stop you from throwing your phone, but when you screamed I _told_ you that it was me. But you still freaked out. You just... didn't hear me, I guess?"

"I screamed?" I whispered incredulously. I didn't remember doing that either.

"Um..." John started and then eyed me with growing concern. "Yeah, Olivia. You screamed. And it was really loud. I was worried that someone had heard you and was going to think something was wrong, so I got kind of nervous... and I ended up shouting over you to tell you to calm down, but then you started pulling your arm away and you weren't listening. I would have let you go, but you were pulling really hard and you were on the edge of that stool with an open machine beside you and the ironing board with a hot iron on it behind you and..." he stopped and eyed me incredulously, running a hand through his short blonde hair. "You don't remember any of this, do you?" he breathed.

I shook my head as my stomch churned and tensed with apprehension. I barely remembered any of it at all, actually. I remembered being afraid, feeling like I was being attacked again, somehow. There were bits and pieces of John shouting at me in my mind, which was why I thought he was angry with me, but he wasn't. Not really. He was afraid of what people might think if they caught us together like that with me screaming. I couldn't blame him for that.

"I only remember bits and pieces," I said hollowly, then covered my mouth with my free hand, bowing my head to hide my blush of embarrassment. I had never been _that _out of it during a panic attack before. Something must have happened when he grabbed my wrist. I had no idea how I could have been _that_ far gone, though...

"H-how could I not remember any of that?" I whispered, mostly to myself.

Seth chose that moment to lean forward and wrap his free arm around my waist. I didn't mind so much about it at the moment. As a matter of fact it was kind of nice having it there, anchoring me while my mind tried to catch up with what happened.

"You were scared," he said firmly. "It's okay, Liv. It happens."

"_Why_ was she so scared, though, man?" John said in frustration, this time directing his question toward Seth, as I was obviously too upset to answer him. "That's what I don't get. I know I startled her, but she was acting like I _attacked_ her or tried to take advantage of her or something. And I was just... I..."

I cringed when he said the word 'attack' and shrunk further into Seth, resting my head on his chest while he wrapped his arms around me, rubbing slow circles in my back with his palms. The room was silent for a minute, and I was glad for it. I needed to come to terms with what I'd just realized. No, John didn't attack me, but that was exactly what it had _felt _like to me, at the time... my mind did register that it was just John... and because of that, part of me knew that I was safe. But the other part of me - apparently a very strong part - didn't. Somehow that part of my mind managed to associate his firm grip on my wrist with the only other time anyone had held it like that... when I _was _attacked. I realized at that moment that I must have reacted to _that_ more than what John had actually done.

After a moment or two of heavy silence I heard John mumble under his breath knowingly. "Oh... shit."

I felt Seth tense up around me and his head turn in John's direction.

"Oh, God," John breathed after a moment or two. "Jesus, Olivia. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I wouldn't have... well I would have... I... _shit. _I must have really freaked you out. Are – are you okay?"

I shook my head and turned to face him. He looked a bit shocked and really apologetic. He'd obviously figured out why I'd overreacted the way that I did when I cringed and Seth comforted me.

"No... I'm sorry I reacted the way I did," I said quietly. "It wasn't about you," I confirmed. "I'm fine."

I lied, though. I wasn't fine at all.

I glanced up at Seth warily, wondering if he thought I was as crazy as I _felt _at the moment. What kind of person just... loses touch like that? It was scary to think that I could just... associate and disassociate reality with _that day_ without even realizing it.

"It's okay, Liv," he murmured quietly, his eyes taking me in sympathetically. I shook my head at him and blinked back a fresh round of tears. It wasn't okay. It was really unnerving. I felt skittish in my own skin.

Seth gently folded me up into his arms again and I took a few deep breaths against his chest, trying to calm down even though I felt like picking my own brain apart to figure out how it worked and why it would do something like that, then rewiring it to make sure it never happened again.

"Look," John said somewhat awkwardly after a couple of minutes, "I'm uh... I'm gonna go. I'm _really_ sorry, Olivia. And... Seth, is it?"

I felt Seth turn to look at him again and nod.

"If you ever find that piece of shit and need a hand kicking his ass... you let me know," he said quietly. "Not that you look like you'd need it," he mumbled under his breath, "but, yeah. You know where to find me if you want some back up."

Seth was still for a moment or two before nodding in return. "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind," he replied a bit stiffly.

I felt horrible for being the reason behind any of it. Neither Seth nor John seemed like violent types, yet both of them seemed to think that it was the right way to handle someone like Travis for what he'd done. And judging by the way I felt Seth's jaw clench and release repeatedly against the top of my head, he was still pretty upset over the fact that I made him promise not to go after Travis.

"Okay, well... I'll just head out, then. See you around Olivia," he said quietly before walking towards the door and letting himself out quietly.

I closed my eyes tightly with the sound of the door clicking shut and took a deep breath, inhaling Seth's sweet, musky warmth, letting it fill my mind and willing to to help me relax so I could think and try to make sense of it all.

"You okay?" I heard Seth mumble after a moment.

I shook my head. No. I wasn't okay. Who would be okay after hearing that they were capable of completely losing touch with realty like that? "I can't believe I did that," I whispered into his broad chest as he held me tightly. "That's just... never happened to me before."

I felt Seth's chest lift and drop with a light sigh, rather than hearing it.

"You were startled and terrified. When you feel things like that, all of a sudden, it can really affect you, Olivia. Your mind, your body... You can't help your reactions to your own feelings. It just... happens." The way he spoke was so simple and sincere, almost sombre. He struck me by surprise. It was almost like he _knew_. Like somehow he could relate...

I lifted my head to look at him and found him staring out of the window next to us, his eyes dark and soulful, watching the trees and the stars, face set in concentration like he was trying to figure something out.

"You sound like you can relate," I murmured softly, tracing his features with my eyes, trying to figure out where this new brooding side of Seth had come from.

A sigh, a deeper one than before, rolled through his form as he nodded slowly.

"More than you can imagine," he breathed.

I frowned, unsure what to make of that. How could he possibly relate? I had a strong reaction to a horrible memory and lost touch with myself for a little while... He was right about reacting to your own emotions; sometimes you really don't have control. I knew that was something that happened to everyone occasionally, but certainly not to the extent that it had happened to me the other night. Somehow, though... something in Seth's tone, in the set of his jaw and the way that he was studying the sky, like he was looking for answers or an explanation to something inside of him, just like I was, made me believe him. In my heart it felt like he was telling me the truth. I felt like he really did understand me.

He blinked a couple of times and shook his head slightly before turning to face me. His dark brown eyes met mine and I felt myself get trapped in them. They might have caught me, but they didn't have to cage me. I stayed there willingly. There was something about what happened when our eyes met... something in my heart and my blood just sang, crooning a slow and sweet sort of melody that I just wanted to get lost in. There, folded up in Seth's strong arms against his chest, trapped in his deep, warm gaze, despite everything that I'd discovered tonight, despite the tension form earlier... I was content. I was more than that actually. The tightening of my chest and the thrumming of whatever it was that would sing in my veins when I got lost in him like this, told me that I was much more than content. I'd felt it earlier too, when we'd hung out in my room and he cuddled me on my bed, asking me about my sketches and then when he kissed my cheek, my shoulder, my neck, my mouth... my whole body came alive. My heart danced in my chest. The blood in my veins sparked, crackled, thrummed and hummed and I just wanted to... I wanted...

_What did I want?_

The answer came, short and sweet in the form of a whispered word from every single part of me; heart, mind, body and soul.

_Seth._

I wanted the sweet, strong, understanding boy that I seemed to be able to connect with in ways that I never had with anyone else. That's what I wanted. I wanted to be close to him. Nothing else mattered, really. It had been a long week, full of heavy conversations and tension and not enough of _this, o_f just me and Seth. I knew that we had a lot to discuss about Monday night and whatever was weighing on Seth's mind, but I didn't want to. I wanted to stay right where I was, stare in his eyes and live in the song my heart was singing about the sweet man who had been holding me and sharing the burden of my pain all week.

So that was exactly what I decided to do.

I smiled a small smile and felt my cheeks warm with a blush as I ducked my head, temporarily breaking the connection between us. Reaching toward my left, I slid the remote for my stereo off of the window ledge next to us, hit the power button and pressed play. I had been listening to one of my favourite bands as I sketched the night before, and it picked up right where I'd left it. Their music was slow and light, while still being insightful and soulful. It seemed to be a perfect fit for our night.

"Music?" Seth asked quietly with a small smile of his own.

"Yeah," I whispered with a shrug. "It's been a long week. I thought we could just... sit together for a while if you want to."

His smile widened right along with his arms, welcoming me back to the chair to sit.

"I think that's a great idea," he replied, sounding much more relaxed than he had all evening. I curled myself up on the chair between his legs like I was before, but this time he did wrap his arms around me, hugging me around the waist tightly and pulling me closer. Once I was snuggled into his chest I turned my head to the side and studied the strong, dark lines of his tattoo, occasionally brushing a finger lightly over one of the more intricate parts of the design as I tried to follow the path the artist might have taken to pen it into his skin.

I was a little hesitant at first, not sure about whether or not Seth would mind. He didn't seem to, though. As a matter of fact, after the first couple of fleeting touches he sighed and dropped a soft, slow kiss to my shoulder again, making me shiver. With that one small kiss my heart began singing again, blood dancing in my veins to the sweet melody of the song. I felt like everything single one of my senses was heightened. Like they were trained on Seth, waiting for his next sigh, next gentle squeeze... next sweet kiss.

I continued to trace his tattoo as he watched with his chin on my shoulder while the music played in the background filling the silence and adding to the sweet intensity of the moment.

"I've never heard these guys before," Seth murmured after the first couple of songs played through. "They're good."

"Mmmm," I hummed, nodding gently. "They're one of my favourites."

The song changed then to my favourite track on the album. The slow strumming guitar and gentle crooning of the man's voice told a story about a lover finding their missing piece in their other half. I smiled and closed my eyes, knowing what lyrics were to come and feeling in my heart like I finally knew what he was talking about. I felt it. I had found someone who was quickly becoming everything to me and was slowly filling in all the missing pieces in my heart.

I found Seth.

"Do you, um," Seth murmured quietly as the first line of the lyrics was sung.

"Do I what?" I whispered when he didn't finish.

He cleared his throat lightly and continued.

"Do you want to dance? With me?" he asked softly.

I gasped under my breath.

_He wants to dance with me? Oh... wow._

"I've never really done that before," I replied quietly, slowly. It was true. I'd never been asked to dance by anyone but my father before, and that was when I was so little that I could stand on his feet.

"I'm not an expert either," he replied. His arms tightened around my waist slightly. "But, um, I'd love to dance with you... if you want to."

"Okay," I whispered nervously. It wasn't that I didn't want to dance with him. I really did. I was just nervous about not doing it properly.

I should have known better than to be worried. Seth slowly slid forward on the chair and we stood. Before there was any time for me to feel awkward or worry about what to do, he took my hand in his and led me a couple of paces away from the chair. Turning to face me with a sweet smile he wrapped his arms around my waist, gently pulled me closer to him so our bodies were flush against each other and started to sway. My hands automatically lifted to rest on his chest while he pressed his chin against my temple with a sigh.

And, _oh_... dancing with Seth was... it was... indescribably sweet. We shuffled our feet as our hips swayed together, perfectly in time with each other, easily and slowly. And my heart... my heart was so full of that warmth that it ached and I wanted to cry.

_I love this, _I thought with a tight sigh. But it was more than that. I loved so much more than just the dance...

_Oh! Oh... I love... I love him, _I thought with a startling amount of clarity._ I think... I think love him. I'm falling in love with Seth._

My heart jumped in my chest as the warmth in it bubbled over, pouring, splashing and flooding through me from the centre of my chest. We swayed so slowly it was almost a lazy motion, matching the sweet roll of the violin in the background of the song and the warmth flowing though my veins. That's what the melody was before... that's what I felt when I looked into his eyes earlier. I was falling in love with him.

_Oh God. I'm in love. I am _so _falling in love with Seth._

"Seth," I whispered without thinking. My mouth quickly pressed closed as he hummed in response. I couldn't tell him. I wanted to, but it was so soon. Too soon. Way too soon. I knew this, but I still didn't question the emotion. I couldn't. There just wasn't any room in me for doubt. My heart was practically screaming it at me. He was the sweetest, kindest most generous and gentle man I'd ever known... what was there not to love?

_Oh I... how do I show him? How do I respond without telling him...? _

His chin brushing gently back and forth over my temple helped me figure out what to do. Without thinking any further, I followed my heart and lifted my face to his. My hands slid up, one wrapping around his neck, the other resting in my favourite spot on his collar, and pulled him closer. With a hum and a sigh my lips touched his and I shivered... from head to toe I shivered.

His lips were smooth and warm, as they always were every time we kissed. I loved the feel of them, pressed around and in between mine, _so_ softly, as we swayed and swayed and swayed. After a minute or so I felt Seth shiver and tighten his grip on my waist. He whispered my name against my mouth before sweeping his tongue across my upper lip.

_Oh... he shivered too. Does he feel it? _I wondered breathlessly. _Does he feel... what I feel? Does he have any idea what he's doing to me... _

I had no time to think about it any further than that. I parted my lips and our tongues met, dragging across each other at a snail's pace, but igniting something in me that I'd never felt before. My heart raced, I flushed with heat from the centre of my belly outward, my back bowed and my knees actually felt weak. He slid one of his hands up my back as we deepened the kiss, until it was resting under my hair at the nape of my neck, cradling me and supporting me all at once. He leaned into me and we kissed an entirely different kiss than we ever had before. It was deep and sensual and I _hungered_ for it.

I clutched him closer and nearly whimpered into his mouth with the intensity of it all. I never wanted it to stop.

The sharp ringing of Seth's cell phone startled us out of our kiss as the song entered its last stanza. Seth pulled back slowly and brought me with him so that we were standing straight again. He leaned his forehead to mine and we stared into each other's eyes as we both tried to catch our breath.

"I'm sorry," he whispered after the ringing stopped. "I should have turned that off."

I shrugged and shook my head, unable to answer because I was still feeling lightheaded and completely breathless from our kiss, from being held in his arms, from knowing how I felt. I sighed and closed my eyes, resting my head on his chest again and trying to catch my bearings. Within seconds my phone began to ring from inside of my purse.

I chuckled breathlessly as Seth pulled his phone out of his back pocket.

"That was Jake. I'm guessing Nessie's probably calling you," he murmured and then chuckled right along with me.

"They're probably worried about you," I replied as my phone stopped ringing.

"Yeah, I guess," Seth sighed. "I should probably call him back. You know, sort things out."

I nodded, but didn't reply. It was selfish of me, but I didn't want him to go. I hugged him closer with a sigh of my own and then reluctantly released him, letting my hands slide down his arms, knowing that Jacob probably was worried and that Seth would feel a lot better once things were sorted out between the two of them. I grasped one of his hands in mine and led him to the door silently.

"Thank you for the dance," he said as he pulled me close once more.

I shook my head, smiling shyly. "I loved it," I whispered, telling him as much as I dared to about what I was feeling.

"I'll call tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Please."

"Okay," he whispered. He leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss at the corner of my mouth before releasing me and stepping out of the open door. "Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight, Seth," I murmured as he started walking down the hallway.

When he reached the end at rounded the stairs with a small smile and a wave I smiled back, closed the door and leaned my forehead against it, before finally admitting how I felt about him to myself, in private, breathing the words out in a voice just above a whisper.

"I love you."

* * *

**Until next time. Thank you for your continued support and patience.**

**Happy premiere week to all of you. Anyone else looking forward to seeing a whole lot of Seth in BD part one? I'm going on Thursday night for a 10pm showing. I'm lining up at around 1pm or 2pm for seats I think. How early are all of you planning to go?**

**~Hitchy**


	18. More

**Hi everyone. I just wanted to quickly let you know that although I think I got to respond to almost all of the reviews for the last chapter, fanfiction was once again having problems and I couldn't get to the rest of them before this one was finished. I apologize if I didn't get around to replying to yours and promise that I'll do my best to get to all of them as quickly as I can.**

**_Shepeppy's_ monster-in-law is currently visiting so she isn't able to beta this right now. Thanks for being patient with my errors. I'll get around to fixing them eventually. **

**No chapter song this time.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own something a little more for Seth and Olivia in this chapter.**

* * *

From end of Chapter 17:

"_I love you."_

_._

_._

_._

**SPOV**

I froze. I had one foot out the front door of her building, half of my body was in, half was out.

_Did she really just say that? That she... she loves me?_

My phone rang again. I ignored it. Jake could wait. Everything could wait. This... this was more important than anyone... or anything, ever.

A group of four or five girls wandered up to the door as I stood there, frozen, staring blankly at the pavement in front of me as I digested what I'd just heard. It was unbelievable, incredible. It was just... everything. To hear those three words, whispered so softly but more importantly, _most_ importantly... sincerely... it was everything to me.

_She meant what she said. She _means_ it. She... she loves me. _

There was no doubt in my mind and in my heart that she felt it. I knew... when she shivered while we danced and she breathed my name and then kissed me like she needed me... I _knew _she felt something. I felt it too. I shivered with her. I whispered her name like a goddamn prayer and kissed the hell out of her just to show her... to show her what I thought I couldn't tell her. What I thought it would be too soon for her to hear or see or feel, but _God_... it wasn't.

_It isn't. She loves me. Holy crap. She loves me. Me..._

"Um... hello?" one of the girls said pointedly, waving at hand in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts enough to focus a bit of my attention on them.

"What? Huh?" I breathed shaking my head and trying to focus on what was going on in front of me, rather than what had just been said three floors above me. The girls all giggled while the one that spoke tossed her brown curly hair over her shoulder while raising an eyebrow at me playfully.

"I asked if you were coming or going," she said, pointedly eyeing the door in my hand and then me standing next to it, effectively blocking their way in. It was a good question. Too bad I had no idea how to answer it. Jake chose that exact moment to call me back – again – and at the sound of my ringing phone I startled and then stumbled out of the door while the girls giggled quietly.

"Um, yeah, sorry," I mumbled as a couple of them threw me strange looks and one of them actually smiled sympathetically and asked if I was alright. I waved her off and tossed her what I hoped would pass for a half smile before turning my back to them and slipping my phone out of my pocket with shaky hands. I flipped it open to answer it as I walked the few steps toward my car on legs that felt like they were made of Jell-o.

"Jake," I mumbled quietly as I fumbled with my key, trying to get it in the lock of my car.

"Seth," Jake replied, his tone sombre. "I'm glad you picked up."

"Yeah," I mumbled as I finally got the door open and then flopped down into my seat, shutting the door behind me and staring out into the night beyond the windshield.

"Look, I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, but I couldn't leave things the way they were. I feel like shit for handling things the way that I did."

"S'ok," I whispered, still reeling, trying to keep up with what Jake was saying and the hurricane of emotions that were rocking my heart and body after what I'd just heard.

"No, it's not, bro," he said sadly. "I didn't mean to accuse you like that. I know you'd never hurt her intentionally. I'm sorry, Seth. I should have known better than to think you'd hide something like that from me, if it ever did happen."

"Kay," I mumbled, immediately accepting his apology. It didn't really matter what he'd said. Nothing anyone said would ever matter more than those three words from _her_.

There was silence on the other end for a moment or two before Jake spoke again.

"Okay?" he asked incredulously. "Just like that? You're going to just forgive me for what I said tonight?"

"Yeah," I breathed.

"Seth what the..." Jake mumbled before huffing out a deep breath. "What the hell is going on with you tonight, man?" He was frustrated with me. It was okay though. He didn't know... didn't understand...

"Jake," I mumbled seriously, "she loves me."

"What?" he asked, sounding kind of bewildered.

_Holy shit. I said it out loud. And it felt so real – so good._

"Olivia," I breathed. "She said she loves me."

There was silence for a moment followed by a soft chuckle.

"So that's what's got you all tongue tied and distracted," he said quietly, happily. I smiled at his tone. I couldn't help it. It was really starting to sink in now that I'd said it out loud – and it felt incredible. "That's great news, Seth. She must have been pretty excited to hear that you feel the same way then."

"She didn't," I murmured.

"What?"

"She didn't hear it back. I couldn't tell her. She didn't tell me... she just said it," I explained brokenly.

"Okay," Jake said with a chuckle, "back it up there, Seth. What do you mean she didn't tell you and you couldn't tell her? Did she say the words, or not? You're just... not making very much sense right now."

I chuckled breathlessly into the phone and shook my head at myself. He was right. I was completely out of it. I couldn't help it though. I was so happy I couldn't think straight. I think I was in shock.

"Sorry. She said it to herself, right after I left to call you back. We... we said goodnight, and I walked down the hall. She closed the door after I made my way to the stairs and after a minute she just... whispered it," I mumbled. "But I was just downstairs... still close enough to hear."

"Wow."

"Yeah," I breathed incredulously. "Wow is an understatement."

"So... did you tell her?" Jake asked cautiously. "Is that what you were up to tonight?"

"No," I said quietly, my high waning just a little at the thought that she still didn't know everything she needed to about me. "We talked about... other stuff and then we just, um, hung out and well, we danced a bit," I explained quietly. It felt a little weird talking to Jake about dancing with my girl in her apartment, but it was the most I was willing to share about our night together. I wasn't going to tell him about the amazing kisses we shared and I definitely wasn't going to tell him about John and open that can of worms, so dancing was the one thing I thought I could admit to him.

"Sounds nice," he said matter-of-factly, thankfully not asking any more questions about our night together.

"It was," I replied quietly with a small smile on my face. "It really was." I took a deep breath, started the car and tossed one last look over my shoulder at Olivia's apartment, happy to see that her bedroom light was on and wondered what she was sketching tonight. "I need to tell her soon, Jake. I can't... she can't fall in love with someone she doesn't really know. I want her to know me. _Really_, really know me before we say that to each other."

I pulled out of my parking spot and on to the road as Jake agreed with me and once again offered to help me if I needed it. But that was the thing... I had no clue how to tell her. I was pretty sure just coming out and saying something like – _hey have you noticed how warm I am? Well, that's because I'm not exactly human. Yeah, remember that legend I told you about my tattoo. It was all true. Except the wolves were really people who morphed into giant dogs on occasion to protect the tribe from blood sucking vampires. Oh, and by the way, I'm one of them. You know, no biggie – _just wouldn't work.

"I have no idea how to do this," I mumbled, more to myself than to Jake at that point.

Jake chuckled. "Yeah I've always been really grateful that Nessie knew about the whole wolf thing from the get-go with me. The imprinting conversation was hard enough on its own without all the other stuff to get through."

"Holy shit," I breathed.

_The imprinting. I have to tell her about that too. _

"Jake, she's completely in the dark here," I said quietly as I navigated my way through the streets on my way home. Olivia was the only one, besides Nessie, that anyone had imprinted on outside of either our tribe or a neighbouring one. At least the girls the others had imprinted on had heard the legends about the wolves. And Nessie had seen it all first-hand, not to mention that she was really good with all things supernatural because of her own family. However, for Olivia... this would all be coming at her from left-field.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked.

"She's completely disconnected from everything," I explained. "She's the only one any of us has imprinted on that hasn't got a clue about any of the legends and doesn't know that vampires or werewolves could actually exist. How do I... where do I even start? Emily knew a bit about the legends from what the Makah passed down, Kim is part of our own tribe and Claire was too young to know the difference, she's grown up knowing about all of this. Nessie too. But Olivia..."

"I see what you mean about that," Jake said quietly.

We stayed on the line in silence for a moment as I pulled in my driveway. I was sure that we were both thinking about the same thing. I wondered if calling Edward might help, to find out how he introduced Bella to this world in the very beginning. She'd been an outsider too.

"You know what?" Jake said, breaking the silence. "I think I might actually have something here that could help you."

"Really," I asked hopefully.

"Yep. Where are you right now?"

"Just pulled into my driveway."

"Okay. Hang tight. I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Alright," I said before telling Jake to let himself in when he got to the apartment and hanging up.

I hoped he was right, because I was kind of at a loss about what to do. I just knew I needed to tell her. I was still riding off the high of hearing her whisper that she loved me, and I wanted it to be true. There was definitely a chance that my telling her about being a wolf and about the imprint itself could change things – there was a big chance. I was feeling optimistic, though. She knew the 'everyday' me; the Seth that I was day in and day out; the guy that I was inside, regardless of whether I was covered in skin or fur. That was really what was most important, right?

**~~~LT~~~**

The next week passed by kind of quickly in a blur of sweet visits with my girl and nerves. Yeah, I was a nervous wreck. Can you really blame a guy, though? I mean it wasn't every day a guy revealed to his girl that he occasionally morphs into a supernatural creature and that he'd fallen in love with her at first sight. It was a lot for anyone to consider... and I knew that for _her_, it would be a lot to take in. So I did my best to try and enjoy our week together before the big reveal. I had a plan now, thanks to Jake and what he'd brought over late last Friday night. The old book of Quileute legends Jake gave me and the other book I decided to use with it, that I was just beginning to learn but was really familiar to Olivia, were what I was pinning my hopes to.

It had been exactly one week since then, and I was hanging out at Olivia's trying to get in some quality time with her before I told her everything about me. I was trying to stay optimistic, but I knew that there was a chance that she would want or need some distance from me after I told her about who and what I really am. It was hard for me to think about because the past week had been amazing, full of sweet-hot kisses, joint study sessions at her place or mine and basically spending every spare minute we had between work and school together. I was falling more and more in love with her every time I saw her... and I didn't want it to end. I didn't even want to take a step or two backwards from where our relationship was going, either. We were so good together. I didn't want to lose any of that. But I had to prepare myself for the fact that I might.

We were both off of work again that night and since classes had started to pick up and it had been a long week, we planned to just hang out and watch a movie together. Olivia had just finished microwaving some popcorn and I had grabbed a couple of sodas for me and a bottle of water for her from the fridge when I noticed her reaching for her kitchen stool out of the corner of my eye. I'd never seen her use it before, but I knew that she kept it on hand to help her get things off of higher shelves when she needed them.

I quickly placed the sodas and water on the counter and stepped my way across the tiny kitchen to stand behind her, placing my hand over hers as she reached for the stool. I must have startled her a bit because she gasped and turned to face me when I did. I smiled at her and laced our fingers together, rubbing the back of her hand with my thumb as a little apology for startling her.

"I can help," I murmured quietly, looking down into her large, pale blue eyes. "What do you need?"

She took a deep breath and blinked quickly a few times as her eyes flickered back and forth between mine and my shirt. When she didn't say anything after a moment or two, and blushed softly, it finally dawned on me what sort of position we were in. I was standing directly in front of her with the entire length of my body brushing against hers as she leaned against the oak cabinets behind her. Which wouldn't have been that out of the ordinary, except for the fact that one of my legs was between both of hers and our hands, which I'd brought in front of us when I grasped them and she turned around, were resting lightly on her stomach, really high up... _right underneath her chest_. She was wearing black yoga pants and long sleeved white t-shirt, but they were both fitted and I probably don't have to tell you that the material of both of those pieces of clothing were pretty thin, so yeah, it was just her, me and a couple of thin layers of clothing, pressed up against her cupboards with my hand dangerously close to the underside of her chest.

_Umm yeah. So, this was new._

_And was that... was she looking at my _shirt _before? Or could it have been... no... but maybe... well maybe..._

_I can't believe I'm actually standing here wondering about this, but..._

_Was she looking at my chest?_

We stood still for a moment or two, our breathing, which was steadily getting a bit heavier on both ends, the only sound between us. She was the one to break eye contact first, blinking rapidly again and then glancing down over my chest, and then over to my arms, her eyes flickering around nervously and then... _holy shit... _she blushed _again_, deeper this time, before squeezing her eyes shut and swallowing thickly.

_Holy. Shit. Ho-ly shit... _I thought to myself incredulously. _I really wasn't imagining things before. She just... checked me out. _

And wow... I liked it. Boy did I ever like it. As a matter of fact, her shy, fleeting glances damn near set my body on fire. My heart was racing, my blood was drumming through my veins quietly and there were other parts of me that were definitely taking notice and enjoying the attention. Not to mention the fact that after she looked at me I definitely took the opportunity to look her over too. On top of being gorgeous, my girl had the most amazing body. It was tiny, but curvy in _all_ the right places, so even though she was short, she didn't look any younger than she was. And in those stretchy pants and that fitted shirt she was covered up but there was no hiding her tiny waist, flat stomach and the gentle curves of her hips and chest.

A chest that I was dangerously close to touching, I might add. Like... millimetres away from grazing the underside of with my knuckles...

"A bowl," she whispered suddenly, causing my eyes to flash up from her chest to hers... which were _open_ now, by the way. I think I might have blushed a little bit myself at being caught staring at her chest. I mean, we'd been dating for almost a month, but other than kissing we hadn't done anything else yet and after learning about her past history I'd been really careful to take things slowly and let her set the pace. So we'd kissed a lot, and it was hot as hell, but that was it. And now, all of a sudden, I was almost groping her and I was staring at her chest in the middle of her kitchen, while she checked me out.

_Hot damn. _I wasn't in any hurry to do other things with her, but I had to admit that I kind of liked the attention and I _loved_ looking at her. So no, I definitely wasn't complaining_..._

"I – I need a bowl," she whispered shakily. "For the popcorn."

I shook my head, snapping myself out of my thoughts and focusing on what she was saying.

_Popcorn. A bowl. Right. _I told myself as I took a deep breath and tried to remember what we were up to before we started ogling each other and I almost touched her chest. _Get the bowl, Seth. Just... let go of her hand and remember to bring yours _down _a bit before swinging out to the side to reach for it._

"Sure. Yeah," I mumbled with a small smile, feeling kind of ridiculous for getting all worked up over an almost-grope.

"It's on the top shelf. Right above me," she murmured, and I nodded.

I let go of her hand, placing my other on her hip lightly as I reached down, out and up towards the cabinet... and then leaned in.

Her tiny hands fluttered up towards me, landing on either side of my ribs just as my torso grazed hers. I gripped the bowl tightly, trying really hard not to think about her chest pressed up against my stomach, my pelvis pressing against hers, her breath washing over my chest and her hands on me... and failed.

With a sigh and an internal groan I lowered the bowl to the counter, closed my eyes and did what I needed to do.

I kissed my girl.

She must have been anticipating it a little bit because her head tilted up so that her lips met mine at just the right moment. Her hands slid, one snaking around to the small of my back, the other winding up, over my abs and chest to rest on the collar of my shirt. I hummed lightly as our lips parted and slipped together slowly and she sighed - yes, I said _sighed - _right into my mouth.

_Ungh. Holy crap. How can something as little as a sigh from this girl be so fucking HOT?_

Her hand curled around the collar of my shirt. I sighed back, let go of the bowl and settled both of my hands on the curve of her waist just as the tip of her sweet, warm little tongue met my upper lip. I wasted no time kissing her back, gently letting my tongue slide out to meet hers, over and over again.

"Mmmm," I hummed quietly as we kissed for what felt like forever. She shivered and then released my collar, shifting just the tiniest bit underneath me to straighten her back out a bit. That was when I remembered that she was literally leaning with her back up against a countertop and pulled away, kicking myself a bit for not being more considerate because that couldn't have been all that comfortable for her.

"Sorry," I murmured breathlessly as I leaned my forehead down on hers. "This might be a bit more comfortable on the couch."

She inhaled sharply and froze while I cringed internally.

_Shit. Crap. Shit, shit, shit. _

_The couch? And we were about to watch a movie together there..._

_What the hell were you thinking, Seth! _

"God... I'm sorry, Olivia," I whispered as I opened my eyes and pulled away a bit to look at her. Her eyes were closed and her brows were pulled together as she frowned.

"No," she whispered, "it's okay. I'm okay."

I shook my head and mentally kicked myself for sticking my foot in my mouth. Really... could I have said anything worse?

"No, Liv. I really should have thought-"

She opened her sad eyes up to me and reached out to cover my lips gently with her fingertips, effectively silencing my second apology.

"Don't, Seth," she murmured. "It's okay - really." She shrugged and lowered her head, shrinking in on herself a bit. She placed her hands on my stomach and applied a tiny bit of pressure, gently letting me know that she wanted me to step back, so I did, immediately.

My heart sank as I watched her turn around to face the counter and cupboards again with a sigh. Her hands shook a bit as she reached up to lay them down on the counter on either side of her shaking her head slightly at herself as she did.

I hated that she looked like she was disappointed in herself. She shouldn't have been. It was my stupid mistake, mentioning the couch without thinking in the heat of the moment. I wanted to hold her and hug the self-doubt right out of her because she shouldn't be feeling badly about anything, but I didn't know if she would want me to, or if she wanted a minute or two to sort herself out. She'd kind of pushed me away a moment ago and I didn't want to invade her space if she needed it. I waited while she stood still right where she was.

After a minute or so of silence I decided to grab the sodas and water and head to the other room to give her more time or space or whatever it was that she needed. I'd just managed to wrap my hand around the first can of soda when I heard her mutter something softly to herself.

"I hate this."

It was beyond quiet and without my extrasensory abilities I wouldn't have been able to hear it. That meant that as much as I wanted to, I couldn't ask her about what she'd said. I _could_ try to make her feel better though. I decided to leave the soda where it was and approached her again, leaving a couple of inches of space between us, gently placing one of my hands over hers and laying the other one on her back, making slow circles with it as I talked.

"Hey," I murmured to her quietly, "don't be upset, Liv."

She shook her head slowly and sniffled again. "I hate this," she whispered again, loudly enough that I could hear her this time.

"Hate what?" I asked gently, feeling really grateful that she decided to come out and tell me what was bothering her.

"Being awkward," she mumbled and sniffled again, "and feeling... frustrated."

"Frustrated?" I repeated the word as a question. She'd surprised me with that one. That wasn't exactly what I had expected to hear. Scared, hesitant, unsure... those were things I would have expected her to say at a moment like this, when the memories of what happened to her resurfaced.

"Yes," she confirmed.

Huh. Frustrated. That was something I definitely wanted to sort out. I mean, I didn't want her feeling awkward, but I knew it was bound to happen on both our ends as we figured each other and our relationship out. Frustration, though, wasn't okay with me, especially when it came to things like this... physical things. I wanted it to be good with us. I wanted _her_ to feel good about it.

"C'mere," I said quietly, grasping the hand underneath mine gently and pulling her toward the living room. She followed along, eyeing me hesitantly and curiously, all the way to the big chair in the corner. I wanted to talk to her about this, but there was no way we were going to do that on the couch. I slid onto the chair and pulled her down with me, so that she was sitting sideways between my legs. She curled up her own legs under her as I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a little hug and a smile.

She smiled a small smile back wiped the tears from under her eyes with her fingertips.

"Can we talk about this?" I asked softly. I knew it might be a little bit of an awkward conversation to have, at least on her part, but I really thought we should. After she'd told me what happened to her, I had figured that I'd just let her take the lead when it came to things that we did, but we'd never really discussed _us _like this. And I figured that we should. It could only make things easier.

She nodded slowly. "Okay."

I decided to get the most important question out of the way first. "Why are you frustrated, angel?"

She smiled shyly and ducked her head a bit at the use of my little nickname for her like she always did, which was exactly what I wanted. I knew that she liked it, so I used it hoping to make her relax and feel a bit better about things.

"I don't know... exactly. It's just..." She paused and sighed heavily, then lifted her head to look at me with a serious and somewhat determined look on her face. "I'm eighteen, Seth. I'll be nineteen next month and I..." She paused again and lowered her eyes to look at her hands which were clasped together in her lap. She took a deep breath and started again. "I feel what every other girl my age feels," she whispered. "But things just seem so... _complicated_ for me, and that means that they're complicated for you, too. I hate that it has to be that way."

I frowned and ducked my head down a bit to see her eyes. "Why does it have to be complicated, Liv?" I asked curiously.

"Because I don't know what I'm doing," she replied self-consciously with a shake of her head, "and there are things that make me... _uncomfortable_ sometimes."

_Shit. _That was definitely not what I wanted to hear_._

"Do _I_ ever make you feel uncomfortable?" I asked hesitantly, not really sure of whether or not I wanted to know the answer.

She gasped lightly, looking up quickly to capture my eyes with her wide, bright blue ones. "No," she said adamantly, "not at all, Seth." She shook her head. "It's me. Not you. You're wonderful."

I smiled and ducked my own head a bit in acknowledgement of the compliment, feeling a lot better about things based on the fact that she seemed to be really sincere about feeling comfortable with me. I loved that. That was how I always wanted her to feel – happy, comfortable, and even though she didn't know it yet, loved.

"So are you," I told her honestly and leaned down to kiss her lips softly to seal in the compliment before she could respond. I knew that she was feeling a bit down on herself, but she shouldn't have been. She kissed me back just as softly and then pulled away after a few seconds with a frown. I had a feeling that she was thinking about her 'complications' again, and I didn't want her to. So I decided it was time to do something about that.

"Can I ask you something?" I breathed as I skimmed my nose along her cheek to her hairline then kissed her temple softly.

"Anything," she whispered while her eyes fluttered closed and her shoulders relaxed a bit.

I let my nose drift softly down her cheek to her jaw line and planted a soft kiss to it when I got there. "Do you like this?" I whispered.

She took a deep breath and nodded gently. "Yes."

I smiled against her skin and skimmed down again to her neck, inhaling her sweet, soft scent, before kissing her again. "And this?"

She shivered and nodded again. "Yes," she breathed.

I hummed in agreement because, _damn, _I liked it too – especially when she got all breathy like that - and then drifted down a little further, to run the tip of my nose along the edge of her shirt, brushing her collarbone with it as I did. I leaned forward slowly this time, giving her the chance to pull away if she wanted to, which she didn't, and placed a whisper of a kiss across her collar bone before murmuring against it. "Is this ok?"

"Yes," she breathed out on a broken breath.

I slid my lips slowly up her goose-pebbled skin to her neck, kissed her again and kept going until I reached he ear. "So why don't we keep things simple?" I breathed before kissing the soft skin in front of her ear gently. "We'll go slow and take things as they come."

She nodded as I slid my lips down and around to the soft spot just behind her ear and kissed her again. "Just let me know what you want, Liv. It doesn't have to be complicated." I leaned back and used one of my hands to turn her head gently to face mine. My lips found hers and kissed them, just barely pulling them into my mouth one at a time, first the top, then the bottom one. "Can you do that for me?" I asked as I let the tip of my nose glide softly up hers and then kissed her forehead sweetly. "Can you promise me you'll let me know what you want?" I murmured quietly.

She shuddered lightly in my arms and ran her hands lightly up my chest, sending warms chills down my spine and lighting my skin on fire wherever she touched. One hand came to rest at its home on my collar and the other rested over my heart, where it was beating strong and fast and sure, just for her.

"More," she whispered quietly, but determinedly,

"More?" I questioned softly, surprised at the conviction in her tone.

"Yes," she breathed. "I... want more... please."

_Well, who am I to argue with that? _I thought and smiled against her forehead.

"Okay," I agreed quietly. "You'll let me know?" I asked again for good measure, making sure that she knew that she was in charge here and things would only go as far as she wanted them to.

She nodded and then shocked me by leaning forward and pressing her lips very softly, tentatively against the column of my throat.

_Holy. Shit. _

Instant hard on. From one little touch...

_Damn_.

She was going to kill me with all of her breathy noises and sweet kisses and shy advances. I knew she was. But what did I care? I was going to die a _very_ happy man.

"I promise, Seth" she whispered against my skin, sending shivers up my spine.

"Good," I whispered back, before leaning forward a bit so that she would back up and bring her head up to be level with mine. I was pretty sure that our discussion was officially over at that point, so I hugged her closer to me, loving the feeling of having her upper body pressed up against mine, and kissed her softly.

We got caught up in it again before long, just like we had in the kitchen. She surprised me this time by letting the hand that was on my chest roam around a bit, just barely using her fingertips to graze the muscles underneath my shirt from the centre of my chest, my shoulder and then down the side of my ribs. Everywhere she touched warmed up, lit up and felt different, like it had changed somehow. It honestly felt like my skin was reaching out to her fingers. Every inch she touched was warm and tingling and all the ones she hadn't were clamouring to be the next in line.

Without really realizing it, my hands and arms made their own decision to slide along her body, too. I suddenly found the fingertips of one hand at the nape of her neck, tangling themselves in her soft, thick hair while the others grazed over the left side of her back. She was kissing along my jaw now, so softly and tentatively that it felt like something was just brushing over the surface of my skin.

It made my breath speed up. I found myself whispering her name and turning my head back so that her mouth met mine again in seconds. I kissed her harder this time, really leaning into it so that she actually leaned back a bit with the pressure. My hand was near the top of her back, just under her shoulder blade when it happened, so that when she leaned back my hand slid around to her side and my thumb was brushing softly, _so softly_, against the swell of her breast. This was not an almost-touch like it was earlier. My thumb was actually over the edge, feeling the subtle begining of a round rize, a curve.

I pulled back from the kiss the second I realized it happened, laying my forehead against hers, panting shallowly as I tried to catch my breath. I opened my eyes slowly to look at her, curious as to whether or not I'd overstepped and made her uncomfortable without meaning to. To say that I was surprised to at what I saw would have been the understatement of the century. She was leaning into my forehead, panting a bit just like I was. Even though her eyes were cast down toward our legs between us, her expression was beautiful, soft, relaxed... open. After a few seconds her eyes flickered up to mine – and there it was.

_My_ blue.

Warm, clear, light blue pools were partially covered by hooded lids and dark lashes.

"Liv?" I whispered in question, wondering, hoping, but trying not to hope too hard that she was okay with where things were going.

The air between thickened a bit as I waited for her answer. My entire body was warm and tingling and loving the physical connection between us, but I would pull back in a heartbeat if she wanted me to.

Only... she didn't want to.

"More," she breathed softly.

My breath caught in my throat.

_Ung. Oh God. Holy... _

"More?" I damn near croaked because I needed to know...

_Is she serious?_

"Yes." One hot breath. One word. It was steady and sure.

_Hot damn._

Still, I hesitated.

"Please."

I huffed out an unsteady breath and swallowed thickly in anticipation, because when she said that, my mind was officially made up. There really was only one way to respond.

"Okay."

* * *

**Ok ladies, let's be honest... who here doesn't give a hoot about much else but making out with Seth right now? *raises hand slowly* *glances around* Our boy's got some moves, no?**

**We're very close to the big reveal. I know it seems like it's taking a long time for things to develop, they've only been together for just around a month amd Wicked Games doesn't start for another month and a half according to the timeline in this fic, so... yeah. Things are actually moving kind of quickly all things considered.**

**So Seth's going into reveal his wolf status to Olivia with nothing but a couple of books and some faith in his girl to back him up. Any guesses as to what the second book might be? He just might tell you if you guess right... :-)**

**Thanks for reading, everyone!**

**~Hitchy**


	19. Revelations

**Well, I think this is the smallest break between chapters that I've had yet with this fic! I had a bit of extra time on my hands this week, so I managed to get a few extra hours of writing in. Congrats to all of you who correctly guessed the second book that Seth decided to bring with him. We'll get to see how that works out in this chapter.**

**No chapter song for this one.**

**Many thanks to _shepeppy _who managed to beta this even though her monster-in-law is still lurking at her house! **

**SM owns Twilight. I own the stuff written below. :-)**

* * *

**OPOV**

"So you two had a good night last night then?" Nessie asked as we made our way down the same trail by Auke Lake that Seth and I took on our first date. It was chilly and I was bundled up in layers pairing a thick tank top with a long sleeved jersey shirt, topped with a puffy vest. I was grateful that my jeans were fitted because tucking them into my fur lined boots today was more than a fashion statement. It kept out the draft. Apparently I was the only one really feeling the sudden blast of Arctic cold because Seth, Jake and Nessie were all fine in jeans and t-shirts. Nessie had a pink hoodie on, but it seemed like it was more for the look than anything else because she hadn't bothered zipping it up.

I nodded in answer to her question about the night before and ducked my head a bit to hide any evidence of the slight flush of heat I felt in my cheeks just thinking about it.

"So the movie was good then? Jake and I were thinking of borrowing it before Seth brings it back," she continued.

"Um," I mumbled carefully. I wasn't really sure how to answer her question. We actually hadn't gotten around to watching the movie. We'd spent our time doing other things... Nessie giggled softly at my hesitation causing me to peer up and over to the left where she was standing. She was smiling at me, shaking her head a bit with wide, brown, expectant eyes boring into mine.

"We, um..." I started and then hesitated, feeling kind of self conscious about how to talk about this sort of thing. It was definitely girl talk material, but I had never been the type of person to have many girlfriends to talk to, and to top it off I'd definitely never had anything romantic to share with any of them before. Nessie was waiting for an answer, though, and I felt rude not saying anything at all. I didn't want to lie, either and give an opinion about the movie just to give her the impression that we _did_ watch it, so that really left me with only one option. I slowed my pace a bit to give us a bit more distance from Jacob and Seth, who were walking in front of us, to make sure that they didn't overhear anything, and lowered my voice to a whisper. "We actually never got around to watching it," I mumbled. My face flamed with what was sure to be a very telling blush, so I bent my head forward a bit to stare at my feet as I walked, letting my hair fall in front of my face to hide it.

"Oh," Nessie said with only a hint of surprise. "Did you guys end up finding something good to watch on TV, or..." she said innocently, trailing off and waiting for me to fill in the blanks.

_Oh Lord, _I thought hesitantly. _What am I supposed to say?_

Memories from the previous night played through my mind like snapshots in a photo album, each accompanied by their own set of feelings.

_Seth and I kissing in the kitchen, his body bent over mine as my heart raced and swelled with warmth..._

_Our talk in the big chair and Seth literally kissing away all of my doubts, anxiety and frustration, making me feel comfortable, beautiful and desired instead..._

_Seth's hands on my body, his fingertips brushing up and over the swell of my breasts as he kissed my lips sweetly... before my head fell back and he continued to touch me while murmuring that I was gorgeous and kissing my neck instead._

I had never felt so... _connected_ to a person in my whole entire life. He seemed to know just how to make me _feel, _not think, not worry, not remember_. _And I felt _so much_. There was heat, tingling, my blood was rushing through my veins singing again, and where he _touched_ me and kissed me... I thought for sure that I would burst into flames. His hands, even though he only used the tips of his fingers, were like tiny warm coals, brushing over my skin. It was an incredible feeling, and not one I was sure I would ever be able to talk about or describe to anyone.

Nessie chose that moment to duck down and crane her head to the side to look at me. Within half a second I felt her hand on my arm, just above my elbow, putting just the tiniest bit of pressure to indicate that she wanted me to slow down a bit more.

"You're blushing," she whispered with a smile after we'd slowed our pace a bit more.

I nodded. I was blushing. Quite a bit, actually.

She glanced forward to the boys who seemed oblivious to our change of pace and smiled at Seth's grey t-shirt and jean clad form.

"So things really are going well, then?" she asked sweetly, before glancing down at me with a soft expression and eager eyes. "You're happy with him?"

I found myself smiling what was probably the broadest smile I'd ever shared with another person at her question and nodded. This question was so much easier to answer than the others and I did so quickly, honestly and earnestly. "Yes. Very."

She smiled broadly in response and looped her arm through mine, pulling me towards her gently and squeezing it in something like a hug. I found myself squeezing back a bit in thanks. It was easy to see from her expression that she was happy about the way things were going for Seth and I, and I was grateful that she was. Jacob and Seth were very close, but so were Seth and Nessie in a way. Nessie told me once that she'd grown up around Jacob and all of his friends, spending many hours down at the reservation hanging out with the whole group. I liked Nessie a lot, and was very grateful to be her friend, especially since she seemed to be somewhat of a permanent fixture in Seth's life.

"He is too, you know," she said somewhat conspiratorially. "I've never seen him happier. He really cares about you."

I smiled and ducked my head self-consciously as I thought about Nessie's last statement. I could see that Seth cared. I could feel it in the way that he treated me. He was always doing things to make me smile and was attentive to the point that I had to wonder how much attention he paid to the other things that were going on around him. He always made me feel so very special... But did he care about me the way that I cared about him? Did he love me, too?

We crossed into the clearing by the lake and found the boys waiting for us expectantly when we did. Seth smiled at me and took one my hands in his, rubbing my palm lightly with his thumb.

"Hey," he murmured to me softly. "What took you guys so long? Everything okay?" he asked somewhat nervously. I smiled back at him and wondered briefly, for what seemed like the hundredth time this week, what was making Seth feel nervous.

"Everything's fine," Nessie said playfully, with just a hint of exasperation colouring her tone. She rolled her eyes and took the large blanket that Jacob had been carrying from him. "Just some girl talk," she finished lightly, before shooting me a fleeting glance with a small smile.

I smiled at Seth warmly and nodded while squeezing his hand, hoping to ease his mind about whatever was troubling him. He smiled back at that and seemed to shake off his hesitancy while Jacob and Nessie wandered down towards the lake to set up our blanket.

The clearing was almost empty most likely because the weather had taken a turn and Alaska's cold, damp fall season had officially set in. We'd been to the same clearing just over a month prior and the contrast between our surroundings then and now was a big one. There were no more leaves on the tress, most of them had fallen to the ground, covering the once green clearing with a blanket of bright oranges, yellows and soft browns of various shades. The bare wood of the trees and the grey sky was a bit stark in comparison to the last time we were there. It seemed colder, emptier, but was still beautiful in the way that only barren fall landscapes can be.

"So I brought something to share with you today," Seth said quietly drawing my attention away from our surroundings and back to him.

"You did?" I asked curiously. Seth had planned the day's outing on his own. The only detail I'd gotten from him about it last night was that he told me that we would be hiking and suggested that I bundle up if it was cold. I was surprised to see Jacob and Nessie with him when I met him in the parking lot of my building earlier. He hadn't mentioned that they were coming along, either.

"Yeah," he said quietly before shifting the messenger bag he'd brought towards his back, winding his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. "It's a book about my tribe," he said slowly. "I thought, since you've been telling me so much about you that I'd share some important things about me, my tribe and where I come from and, well, I thought that the book would help."

I felt my brows knit together a bit in confusion at the serious expression on his face. "Ok," I said quietly, nodding softly. Whatever he wanted to talk to me about was obviously important to him, so I promised myself immediately that I would do my best to be as attentive for him as he always was of me.

He swallowed thickly and glanced toward Jacob and Nessie, who were setting out our lunch, before looking back at me hesitantly. "Some of the stuff is kind of...complicated" he breathed. "So I asked Jake and Ness to come along just in case you had questions that I couldn't answer. Jake's sort of the chief so... he knows a bit more than I do."

I found myself blinking in surprise at the thought of someone as young as Jacob being chief and leader of an entire tribe of people. "Really," I breathed incredulously. Seth nodded while I continued. "How is he able to be here, studying if he's chief?" I questioned, wondering out loud.

Seth shrugged with a small smile. "He's taking a break for this," he said slowly, glancing over at Jake and then Nessie in turn. "Priorities..." he said quietly and then shrugged again.

I nodded slowly. It made sense. The chief of an entire tribe should be well-educated... but why not attend school closer to home and his people?

"So... are you ready for a little Quiluete history one-oh-one?" Seth asked cautiously with raised eyebrows.

I smiled, thinking that it might actually be a lot of fun to learn more about his culture. He'd already shared some basic bits and pieces about things, like the fact that the kids on the residence attended their own school so they could learn about their culture and about having a chief and a council of officials to make decisions about the things that affected the tribe as a whole. I was always intrigued by what he had to say and was eager to learn more.

"Yes," I replied with a nod.

He took a deep breath and let it out while staring into my eyes, then leaned in to kiss my cheek softly while folding me up in a hug. "Ok," he whispered into my ear, "let's do this."

We got settled on the blanket opposite the other two and I thanked Nessie for the lunch she prepared. We each filled our plates with sandwiches and potato salad and started eating a bit before Seth pulled the book out of his bag and sat it between us. It was thick and bound with worn brown leather that was rubbed straight through to the hard cover beneath it in some spots. I could see distressed looking edges of thick pages from the side and wondered absently how old the book was. It certainly looked like it had been well-used and loved by several generations. What really grabbed my attention, though, was the large image that had been branded onto the front of it. It was very familiar.

"Is that...?" I asked hesitantly pointing at the cover with my free hand, while the other held my sandwich.

Seth nodded with a smile and pulled his sleeve up to reveal the matching design inked onto his dark skin. "Yep. It's actually our tribe's symbol."

I nodded and quickly glanced over at Jacob's arm, knowing that I'd seen similar looking ink peek out from the bottom of his shirt sleeve before as well. He must have caught my fleeting glance because in the next second or so he'd put his own sandwich down and turned up his sleeve for me as well.

"I've got one, too," he said matter-of-factly with a nod. "A bunch of the guys on the res do."

I nodded, remembering that Seth told me about the fact that he and his friends all had one. To my surprise, once I had turned to face Seth again I noticed that he had pulled out another book and laid it in his lap. The fact that he'd brought two books with him wasn't all that surprising, but that the second one was a _Bible_, certainly was.

"A Bible?" I asked quietly. I'd asked Seth about his religious beliefs before and knew that his tribe's beliefs were based in their culture and legends, definitely nothing to do with Christianity. I wondered what the Bible could possibly have had to do with whatever he wanted to talk about today.

He nodded and smiled somewhat sheepishly, although his eyes were still serious. "Yeah," he confirmed quietly. "I brought this along too because I've been studying it a bit lately, since I know you really believe in what's in here."

I smiled at him in disbelief then tore a small piece off of my sandwich and chewed it thoughtfully as I nodded in agreement. I actually felt very touched that he'd taken the time to do that for me. Most people our age seemed to ignore the subject of religion altogether, but Seth had gone out of his way to look into mine because he knew how important it was to me. It was just another sweet thing I could add to the list of reasons why I loved him.

"I have to admit that some of the stuff in here could seem pretty far-fetched... and so can a lot of the things in here," he said pointedly while gesturing first towards the Bible then to his tribe's ancient book. I felt as though this was some kind of warning, that he was preparing me for some fantastic stories or legends that were probably important to him or the tribe, but not altogether that believable.

"Ok," I said quietly before nibbling on another piece of my sandwich. He seemed to be taking this conversation a bit cautiously, but he didn't have to. I wouldn't dream of belittling or scoffing at anything he told me. This was his heritage and it was important to him, which in turn made it important to me.

"I mean, like, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Daniel's beasts or the Leviathan kind of stuff, Liv. It's pretty... out there."

I blinked in surprise at the depth of his research. He'd just named several of the mythical type of creatures spoken about in the book of Revelations in the Bible. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, representing death, war, famine and pestilence at the foretold end of the world, were the only ones who were somewhat well known in popular culture, so I knew that Seth had most likely discovered the other two on their own.

Jacob asked what those stories were about, while Nessie smiled and encouraged me to share what I knew. I quietly explained the story of the Four Horsemen, which he was mildly familiar with before continuing on to the other two. Daniel's beasts were animal-like creatures that emerged from the water, some with multiple heads, horns and sharp teeth, all of whom destroyed the earth, including a four headed beast with fangs and one who looked like a lion that could transform itself into something resembling a human being. The Leviathan was an enormous sea monster, that breathed fire and smoke and wreaked chaos and havoc on earth. It was said to be impervious to human weaponry. The book of Revelations was about as far-fetched as the Bible got, and it was the book that most people either adamantly denied believing in or fanatically supported because of it. Next to Jesus rising from the dead to save us from our sins, these were some of the Bible's teachings that people endlessly looked for proof of. Jacob nodded and seemed particularly interested in the story about Daniel's beasts, while Nessie and Seth looked on. It seemed like they both had some knowledge of the stories already.

When I was finished I looked to Seth to find him smiling at me softly and I returned it with one of my own. The others had pretty much finished eating while I spoke so I took the opportunity to tear another bite off of my sandwich and chew it while I waited for him to begin.

Seth drew in a deep breath, glanced down at his tribe's book and carefully flipped it open to a page marked with a woven ribbon while letting his breath out. At the top of the page was a picture of a creature that was half man, half wolf, divided down the middle, facing off with another man in some sort of conflict. The half human, half wolf creature was obviously Native American, as indicated by his russet coloured skin and facial features. The other was an extremely pale looking man with dark hair, red eyes, fangs and a menacing expression on his face.

"There's really only one main legend that guides our tribe's people and beliefs," Seth started quietly. "Do you remember the one I told you about the wolves that protected the tribe? The one that the tattoo symbol is based on?"

I nodded as I chewed and studied the interesting rows of symbols below the picture in what was obviously native Quileute. They resembled something like Mandarin letter symbols in most cases and hieroglyphs in others. I gently touched a finger to the page, running it over the lines of the intricate script before reaching up to trace the outline of the half man, half wolf.

"That's the important legend. What I really wanted to do today is tell you the rest of it, if you're up to hearing it."

I nodded eagerly and looked up to find him staring down at me cautiously. "I'd really love to hear it, Seth," I murmured. He'd mentioned before that it was a long story, so I knew that I'd only gotten a brief summary on our first date. I was actually very keen to hear the rest of it.

"Legend has it that the tribe was attacked one day by a mysterious and powerful creature, in the form of a very pale human with sharp teeth and red eyes," Seth started. This was new information. He'd told me before that the tribe needed protecting, but not what or who they needed protection from. "The creature was very strong. He was able to crush the villager's homes with the swipe of his hand, run so quickly he couldn't be seen moving from place to place and leap long distances over buildings and people in a single jump."

I took a deep breath at the same time as Seth did. It seemed as though the pale creature arrived with the intent to attack since he'd caused all of that damage. I wondered how ordinary wolves were able to compete with a creature like that and protect the tribe.

"The worst part was that the creature was feeding off of the people in the tribe."

"Feeding?" I interrupted curiously. "Do you mean that it was... _eating_ them?" I had to admit, this story was sounding more and more like the type of thing the Bible spoke of in the book of Revelations. Flesh eating monsters would have fit in well with the beasts described in it.

"Not quite," Nessie said quietly form my right. I peered over at her and noticed that she was looking at me with the same quiet intensity as Seth had been before. "He was drinking from them."

"Drinking from them? Like... drinking their blood?" I asked softly. "Like a vampire?"

Nessie smiled a tiny bit and nodded. "Exactly that, actually."

Well that was an unexpected turn I hadn't expected the story to take. Mythical creatures like vampires were common in European folklore, but I had no idea that Native American legends had anything to do with them.

"So... a vampire attacked the tribe and was feeding off of the people there and destroying the village?"

Jake chuckled softly and nodded with a smile. "That's about it in a nutshell."

"Wow," I murmured. "How did wolves manage to save them?" I asked, wondering how on earth it was possible.

"Well, that's the interesting part," Seth said slowly, drawing my attention back to him. "Do you see the picture at the top of the page?" he asked while gesturing toward the sketch of the half man, half wolf. I nodded and he continued. "The legend says that the tribe's chief and two of its council leaders were actually spirit warriors who could leave their bodies and take over the bodies of other creatures. In this case the chief entered the body of a large wolf, and became something more than just a man or a wolf. He had all the strength, intelligence and skill of a spirit warrior in the body of a large, strong wolf. That combination made him strong and fast enough to fight the vampire and eventually defeat him."

I let out a breath that I didn't realize I'd been holding at hearing that the tribe had been saved. It seemed brutally unfair for them to be attacked and completely defenceless against the vampire.

"The part about the legend that extends to today," Jacob said, picking up where Seth left off, "is that the chief and select members of the tribe can _shift_ from man to wolf and stand as protectors of the people in case they should ever be attacked again. It's considered a high honour be one of them."

I think my jaw literally fell open at hearing Jacob admit that, as chief, he _himself_ was rumoured to be part of the very legend they were explaining to me.

"So that's about it," Seth said quietly. "What do you think?" I glanced over at him to find him staring at me intensely, waiting for my reaction. His dark eyes were boring into mine, expectantly.

I shook my head and took a moment to gather my thoughts before replying. "It's... pretty interesting. And really exciting, actually," I answered honestly. I thought the story was thrilling and captivating, even if it was violent, much like I felt about the book of Revelations the first time I'd read it. "It really does remind me of a few things I've read in the Bible."

Seth nodded and took a deep breath, his eyes staying focused on mine. "Well... what would you say if I told you that it was true?" he breathed.

I frowned and felt my brow furrow in confusion. What would I say? I wasn't sure. I knew that I believed that the scripture in the Bible was true, even if it might be up for different interpretations. And since I believed that, wouldn't it be possible for Seth to believe that the legends of his people were true as well?

"I would say that it's just as possible as me believing in Daniel's Beasts," I replied with a smile.

Seth cleared his throat and nodded gently.

"What would you say if I told you that I _know_ it's true?" I blinked a few times and reared back slightly in surprise at the intensity of his tone. He wasn't just telling a story anymore. He was serious. He really believed that it was true.

"I'd say ok," I whispered quietly feeling the weight of the moment in his dark, endless gaze.

"And..." he paused and took a deep breath before whispering, "What would you say if I said I could _show_ you that it was true?"

I was stunned. He was so incredibly serious. I'd never seen him like this before. He was very still except for the slight shaking of his fingers as he held on to the Bible in his lap.

"Seth," I whispered breathlessly. "What..? How..?" I asked brokenly. What was he trying to tell me? My eyes automatically shifted to Jacob after that. He'd said that the _chief_ was part of the legend. That he could... _shift_ into a wolf. For the first time ever, I met Jacob's gaze and held it. He was regarding me with the same cautious and serious expression that Seth had before. Nessie sat quite still beside him glancing between the three of us cautiously with a knowing expression on her face.

"Are you," I whispered, "are you trying to tell me that you... you can...?" I trailed off as he nodded once, looking me straight in the eye. I shifted my gaze to Seth, who was frozen in the exact same position he was before. "You want him to show me? To prove it?"

Seth swallowed thickly and shrugged without breaking eye contact with me for even a second. "He could show you too... if you want," he murmured. I felt my eyes widen to the point that they felt dry and exposed while my jaw dropped again.

"Too?" I squeaked quietly. "Are you... what are you saying? That you could – that you're going to... to-"

"No," he interjected quietly, "I was just saying that I _could_. If you wanted me to."

Logically I understood what he was trying to tell me. He was saying that he and Jake could somehow _change... _into wolves. That they were born with something in them that let them do that to protect their tribe from supernatural and dangerous creatures. Realistically, though, I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it. I felt my eyes skim over Seth's form, sitting still beside me with the exception of his thumbs that were rubbing over the cover of the Bible he held in circles, much like they had to my hands time and time again. As I took him in I thought about the impossibility of it all. It made no sense. It was just too incredible. Seth was a _man_. I was sure of it. I'd been held by him, danced with him and kissed by him.

"You're a man," I whispered, emphasizing the last word gently, trying to voice my thoughts.

"Yeah," Seth breathed. "I am. I'm just a little bit _more_, too."

I found myself huffing out an incredulous and slightly maniacal chuckle at the simplicity of what he'd just said. It was such a Seth-like comment to make. To be able to break down a concept to its very basic components and simplify it the ways that he did was so incredibly like him. But this wasn't simple. It was the complete opposite. It was very complicated.

It was quiet for a long while after that, during which I looked at my lap and desperately tried to gather my thoughts. It was no use, though. My mind kept going over the same few things and refused to make sense of any of it. _Seth was a man, but also a wolf. He could change back and forth between the two to protect the people in his tribe. His friend Jacob __is__ the chief of his tribe and is also a wolf. _

"Olivia?" Nessie said quietly after a while. I was so lost in my thoughts that her voice sounded distant, like it was coming at me through a funnel, at first. I shook my head and tried to focus on what she was saying. "Are you alright?"

"Um..." I didn't truthfully know.

"I know it seems pretty incredible," Nessie said, practically stealing the words right out of my mouth, "but as unbelievable as it is... it's true. They really are protectors of the tribe. And they really can shift into wolves to do it." She whispered the last sentence, as if she was trying to soften the blow.

She believed it. They all believed it. And I...

_Do I _want_ to believe this? Do I really want to know? _

I lifted my head to glance at Seth, the man that I had fallen in love with, and felt my face drop immediately at the sight of him, along with my heart. He was staring straight at me still, his eyes full of apprehension and worry. I knew that look well. It was the very same one I gave him when I'd told him about _me_. Awful wasn't the word to describe how I felt for leaving him hanging for so long without a response to what he'd told me. He hadn't even hesitated to show me his support.

_How could I even consider not doing the same for him?_

I took a deep breath and managed a shaky smile. His answering smile was small and shaky too, but hopeful.

I knew what I had to do, and even though I knew it would be difficult, I vowed that I would do it for him, because he'd done nothing less for me.

"Show me?" I breathed.

**SPOV**

I swallowed hard and studied her face. My heart was kind of all over the map at the moment. Half of me was terrified by her silence and the way her face paled when she realized what I'd told her. I was pretty sure that her reaction meant that she was completely freaked out by the whole thing. If there was one thing I knew about my girl, it was that she didn't react to stress or fear the way that most other girls her age did. She didn't scream, or run or cry – with the exception of when she was having a really bad panic attack. She internalized everything and got really quiet and still... exactly like she was at the moment. I was waiting on pins and needles, listening carefully to her breathing to see if it shortened or for her to start throwing off adrenaline because she was scared. I wouldn't have blamed her after what I'd just told her.

The other half of me was just really concerned for her. I knew what a shock this would be. I'd never seen her that pale or that silent and still for _so long_ before. This was the kind of thing I was really worried about happening to her when I told her. It was why I'd decided to bring Jake and Nessie along in the end, actually. I was worried that she might panic and need to get back to her apartment kind of quickly to take her medicine, and I knew that if that was the case, she probably wouldn't want _me_ to be the one to help get her there. I'd asked Nessie to come with us, but not tell Olivia about herself, even though she was willing to, just in case. Jake was there as backup support for me, to help get me to a safe place to phase if she didn't take it well and I needed to vent.

So to say that I was surprised when she turned to me with an apprehensive but determined expression set on her face and told me that she wanted me to _show _her was... it was... unbelievable actually.

I didn't respond for a few seconds. I took some time to study her eyes first. They'd been kind of blank, really troubled and even a bit vacant while she sat there thinking about what I told her. But as I stared at her, they warmed up. They were still about as wide as saucers and a bit glazed with shock, but... she was _trying_ to accept it – to except _me_. She really was.

Still... I didn't know if it was a good idea. It wasn't like we were ordinary, run of the mill wolves. We were huge. I came in at just over six feet tall on all fours as a wolf and Jake was closer to seven. She was really petite and we would essentially be towering over her. Not to mention the fact that we had some pretty sharp fangs of our own.

"Liv..." I breathed. "Are you sure? It's... we're not exactly like _regular_ wolves. I don't mind showing you," I said, because I didn't. I actually wanted her to see me, eventually, once the shock of the whole revelation had worn off. "But I really don't want to scare you with this."

She took a deep breath and blinked, lowering her gaze to her lap. Her eyes shifted back and forth like she was considering something, before she flipped them back up to meet mine.

"You said that the wolves were large," she murmured, obviously remembering that detail from the legend. I nodded. "But you still look like a – a wolf?" she asked hesitantly. "Four legs, one head... a tail..." she blinked rapidly again and shook her head as if she was trying to sort out the image in her mind, while I couldn't help but huff out a really nervous chuckle at her expression. She was trying _so hard_ to come to grips with it. I could see it written all over her face.

"Yeah," I said quietly with a smile. "No extra heads or tails. And we don't breathe fire." She huffed out a breath and nodded shakily at my attempt to make light of some of this. All things considered, I was really proud of her just for being willing to try as hard as she was. It really hit home in that moment how much she must have meant those words she whispered to herself the other day. She must really love me to be trying as hard as she was.

"Ok," she whispered, and then eyed me curiously and expectantly.

_Oh boy, _I thought anxiously. _This is it. I'm really going to her show her..._

"Seth," Jake said quietly to get my attention. I glanced over at him to see him nod his head towards the woods behind us.

"Ok," I said to Olivia. "We have to go someplace a bit more... private. It's sort of a secret and there are other people around." Olivia blinked and let her eyes wander over the clearing haphazardly. She looked like she was a bit surprised to see the three or four other people there.

"Right," she murmured while nodding slowly.

I rose to my feet first, followed by Jake and Nessie and lastly, Olivia herself. She seemed pretty steady on her feet, which I was grateful for. I was half-expecting her to need some help up off of the blanket. She _did _look like she was still trying to keep herself together, though. She was smoothing her hands over her jeans, hear head was bowed down and her brows were drawn together – a few things that she did from time to time that gave away her nerves.

I couldn't help but slowly reach out a hand toward her to take, just like the first day we'd met at the store. And just like then she left me hanging for a bit, before reaching out to meet it with her own. It shook a bit before her fingers grazed mine and I felt my heart break a little at the sight of it. That hesitation and her shaking fingers were exactly what I'd been worried about.

_Is she afraid of me now?_

_Is she worried that I'll hurt her?_

But the fact that she held on to my hand pretty tightly once our fingers had laced together and she didn't pull away from me was really encouraging. I didn't say anything, just started to walk behind Jake and Nessie and left her to her thoughts. I figured she'd need a lot of time to process things.

When we were a mile or so away from the clearing and hiking trails and the trees provided enough cover for us, we all stopped. Nessie came straight over to Olivia and looped their arms together tightly, like they had been when they met us in the clearing earlier that afternoon. I let go of Olivia's hand and looked down at Nessie's encouraging smile, mouthing a very grateful thank you to her as I did. I had no idea what I would have done without her there to support Olivia. She just shrugged and winked at me as if it was no big deal, but it was. This was one of the most important moments of my life, and her being there as a friend for Olivia right now meant a lot to me.

"So um... I'm just going to head over there to phase," I mumbled and pointed to a thick bunch of pine trees just ahead of us. Olivia nodded while I tried really hard to beat down my own feelings of self-consciousness at the thought of what I was about to do. Revealing myself like this to her was just... _really exposing_. I wanted to do it; I just hadn't been prepared to do it that day. But... when I thought back to the way she had revealed herself to me, especially the day that she confessed to terminating her pregnancy, the way she turned that information over to me bravely, even though I knew she thought of herself as a horrible human being for doing it and she was worried that I would judge her for it... I knew that it was my turn. I had to be just as brave as she had been for me and hope that she could still accept me after she saw who I really was.

"Phase..." she repeated with raised eyebrows.

"Change," I muttered while shaking my head. "It's just what we call it."

She nodded and I smiled a bit at her easy acceptance before heading off into the trees. As I shucked my shirt I heard Nessie talking to Olivia quietly.

"How are you holding up?" Nessie asked.

"Um..." Olivia answered, and left it at that.

I toed off my shoes.

"It's ok, you know," Nessie murmured. "You just have to remember that it's _him_ in there. Their mind, their hearts... those things don't change. Just their outer shell does."

I froze and let out a breath I'd been holding for weeks. I don't know how she did it, but Nessie seemed to hit the nail right on the head with that comment. It was exactly what I needed Olivia to know - that even though I might be walking on four legs and covered in fur, I was still _me_, the same old Seth I'd always been. I was now even more grateful for her being there for Olivia than I was before. I had no idea how I was ever going to thank Nessie for everything she was doing to help me with this, but I knew I'd never stop trying. I promised myself right then and there I'd do whatever I could to make it up to her later.

I took a deep breath, stripped myself of the rest of my clothes, pulled at the heat running through my spine and in an instant found myself on four legs. I shook my limbs out a bit and tried to settle my nerves... which didn't really work. So I settled for the fact that the butterflies in my stomach were just going to stick around until this was done.

Thankfully Jake thought ahead and called the rest of our pack off patrol for the afternoon, so I didn't have any company in my head as I did this. Sam's guys were on patrol and I couldn't hear them. I was really glad about the fact that I wouldn't have an audience for this. Especially if she freaked out.

_God, I hope she doesn't freak out..._

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

_This is it. _

I took another deep breath.

_Here goes nothing._

I walked forward slowly, trying my best not to crush any branches under my paws or move too quickly. I didn't want to startle her... or, well, startle her anymore than she already would be at seeing her boyfriend walk out of the woods as a giant, furry wolf.

I saw her before she could see me. She was standing in the same spot I'd left her in with Nessie, gripping her arm tightly, peering into the trees cautiously as she waited. Jake was standing behind them, leaning casually against a tree trunk with his thumbs in his pockets. Nessie saw me first and smiled another encouraging smile. Jake saw me next, smiled a half smile and then nodded once giving me the push I needed to get going again and put myself out there.

I stepped forward really slowly this time, not wanting to catch her off guard. I held my breath, waiting for the moment she actually laid eyes on me. The air was thick and tense.

"_Oh_ my..." she breathed the moment my head cleared the trees, her eyes widening slowly. I kept stepping forward slowly, as she watched me silently. I noticed absently that she didn't really seem to be breathing either. She was just frozen – staring. You'd think that it would make me uncomfortable, but for some reason, it didn't. I knew that in her own way she was just trying to take it all in.

For a few moments, no one moved or said a thing. I was grateful that Jake and Nessie just let her do her thing and didn't try to get her to talk to them about what she was thinking or feeling. I knew that she'd need some time... apparently a lot of time... to come to grips with it, me, like this.

I knew the moment she'd snapped out of the initial shock. There wasn't much other than the flicker of her eyelids to tell me that she was coming out of it. And then... then she did something I never would have expected for her to do. Not in a million years...

She let her arm fall slowly from around Nessie's, craned her head to the side and walked slowly in the same direction, with her eyes locked on mine. I followed her, locked in her gaze wondering where she was going and what she was planning to do.

"Seth," she breathed as if she was confirming to herself that it was actually _me_ in there.

_Holy crap. She knows. It's like she can see me in here. Really _see_ me. _

I huffed out a small surprised breath and then nodded very slowly.

Her jaw dropped a bit in surprise.

"Can you," she began and then stopped, hesitating. "Do you... _understand_ me, like this?"

_Holy... I was right. She really _does_ believe it's me. Wow. Just... wow._

I nodded again, shocked, wondering how the hell she managed to come to terms with it so quickly. From what I knew, none of the others, except Nessie, had been able to accept the concept so fast. Nessie was understandable, given her own background, but this... this was really incredible. Once again, my girl was knocking me off my feet, shocking the hell out of me. Even Jake was surprised. His eyes widened a bit and he looked over at Olivia approvingly. He'd underestimated her, too. Nessie didn't seem too surprised though. She was just standing there, smiling from ear to ear, hugging her arms to herself excitedly.

I nodded again in response to her question, which made her huff her own breath of surprise and shake her head at the impossibility of it all.

"Your eyes," she breathed. "They're exactly the same..." She didn't say another word after that, but _her_ eyes... her eyes were telling me everything I needed to know. She blinked and lost the shocked glazed look in an instant. They narrowed a bit curiously... and then started to move. Her gaze was intense. I watched, feeling a bit fascinated, a bit proud, and more than a little naked and exposed as her eyes wandered slowly up and over, around every feature of my face, over my ears, down the curve of my neck, the rise of my haunches, over my back, my tail, down to my legs and then, finally, back up to my eyes. It was like she was literally drinking in the image of me with her eyes. I could see the artist in her working, cataloguing the image of me in her mind in whatever way she did that allowed her to reproduce what she saw in very fine detail.

When she was done, she blinked a couple of times, shook her head back and forth slowly and then shocked the hell out of me _again_ by taking a small step forward. We were only about ten feet away from each other, which I figured was close enough for her to get a good look at me, which she had, but not so close that she would feel like she was being crowded. But then... it looked like maybe she wanted to get a little closer.

I looked over her shoulder at Jake and Nessie who were both smiling broadly by now and saw them nod again in encouragement. I didn't want to scare her by stepping closer to her, though. I was at least a head taller than her like this, and I didn't want to intimidate her. So I decided to let her know that if she wanted to come closer to me on her own, it was ok with me. Very, very slowly, I lowered myself down so that my legs were folded under me and my belly was resting on the forest floor. I figured it was better this way, that at least if she approached me like this the top of my head would be at around the height of her chin.

I saw Jake duck his head and avert his eyes at the gesture, and I was really, really glad about the fact that no one could actually blush in wolf form because if we could, I probably would have been right then. Crouching down the way I had was considered to be the wolf form of kneeling... and it was a pretty big gesture to make in the eyes of another wolf. I was basically kneeling at my girl's feet. But I didn't care enough about what Jake thought of that to make me stop. If it made her comfortable with approaching me then I'd do it a million times, no matter who was watching. I'd do anything for her... especially with the way she was accepting me right now.

"Olivia," Jake said quietly while reaching for Nessie's elbow with his hand. She blinked slowly and nodded in acknowledgement, holding my eyes the whole time. "You okay if Nessie and I take a little walk?" he asked quietly. "We'll stay close by just in case you need us."

And that right there folks is why Jake is hands down one of the best guys I know. He knew that we could probably use some privacy and was trying to give it to us, and still volunteered to stay close enough that she would feel safe and protected if she got scared. He was looking out for me, looking out for her, and doing it all without getting in the way and still respecting the privacy of the moment.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Ok," Jake replied with a smile. "Just say the word and we'll come back."

"Ok," she breathed. "Thank you."

"No problem," Jake replied, and then they were gone, heading out to hide in the trees and give us some time alone.

"This is crazy," Olivia breathed after a moment and then stepped forward slowly so that she was standing right in front of me. I looked up at her confused and incredulous expression sympathetically. I could kind of relate to what to what she was thinking. I mean, imagine _turning into_ a giant wolf without warning at the age of fourteen... No one knew it could happen as young as it did with me. And then my sister Leah phased, too, which was even _more_ unexpected... Yeah. It was crazy. Olivia was right. That was exactly how it felt at the time. So I nodded and hoped that she knew that I understood how shocking this had to be for her.

"I can't believe this is you," she mumbled, "that this is part of you."

I huffed a bit in agreement and then slowly, so slowly it actually hurt, I moved my muzzle forward and down a bit until my nose came in contact with her hand. Her eyes followed my movement. I held them, trying to keep her calm and let her know that I wouldn't hurt her.

She startled a bit, probably because my nose was a bit wet and cold, and then raised her eyebrows at me while shaking my head as if she couldn't believe that she was touching a real werewolf. I tried to keep things real for her, so I circled my nose around brushing the back of her hand with it, the same way I rubbed it all the time with my thumb when I held her hand.

Her mouth dropped and she breathed out a surprised 'oh' before slowly flipping her hand over. Her fingertips brushed over my nose, up the bridge of it, and right between my eyes until they rested on top of my head. She followed the movement with her eyes and shook her head slowly, before running her fingertips down, behind my ear to rest on my collar.

If I could have smiled at that without scaring her with my fangs I would have. I didn't know why she did that, but her hands always seemed to love to rest at my collar in human form, and it was amazing to have her do that with me in this form too. She smiled at me lightly as I caught her eye and leaned into her arm in thanks. She was really accepting this. It was shocking, and more than a little confusing for her, but she was doing it. For me.

I had never wished I could talk in wolf form more than I did right then. I wanted to tell her I loved her. I really felt like I needed to. But I couldn't so I promised myself that I would, the minute I was back on two legs and we got some time together by ourselves.

Because with her fingers tangled in the fur on my collar and my head resting on her arm while she smiled at me like that... that was when I knew that we were going to be ok.

* * *

***smiles* Can you feel the love? I need a hug after that one. Any volunteers?**

**I hope you enjoyed it.**

**See you at the next.**

**~Hitchy**


	20. Make You Feel My Love

**Hello everyone. I've been sick, so this took a while longer than expected. I hope everyone had great holidays!**

**_Shepeppy_ did a wonderful job as beta on this one for you, so it should have fewer errors than the ons I've posted without her (thank goodness).**

**Chapter Song: Make You Feel My Love by Adele. **

**SM owns Twilight. I own Olivia's questions and insecurities in this chapter.**

* * *

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,  
But I would never do you wrong.  
I've known it from the moment that we met,  
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,  
I'd go crawling down the avenue.  
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea  
And on the highway of regret.  
Though winds of change are blowing wild and free,  
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  
Nothing that I wouldn't do.  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,  
To make you feel my love  
To make you feel my love

_Make You Feel My Love ~ Adele_

**OPOV**

"Hey, Olivia," John said brightly as I approached the counter at Spike's on Tuesday afternoon.

"Hi John," I said shyly, sending a small nervous smile his way. I hadn't seen him since the day he'd shown up at my door while Seth was over and we talked about what happened that night in the laundry room. I was a little nervous about seeing him again. I wasn't really sure how he would react to me now... after figuring out that I was attacked when I was younger.

"I've got your tea here. Bagel's in the toaster," he said with a smile, while setting my drink down and pointing to the toaster where my bagel was browning, much like he always did. I relaxed a bit and sighed internally in relief. He wasn't treating me any differently than he always had. I'd always been afraid of people looking at me differently or treating me differently if they knew.

"Thank you," I said sincerely as I slid a five dollar bill across the counter towards him. I made sure to look up at him directly and smile a bit as I did, even though it was difficult for me. He had been very sweet and accepting about everything that had happened lately, so I wanted him to know that I was thanking him for a lot more than just getting my order going for me as usual. He was turning out to be somewhat of a friend.

"So..." he said quietly as he deposited my money in the register and fished out my change. "You and Seth, huh?" he asked casually.

I flushed a bit and nodded as I busied myself putting my change away in my wallet. I should have known that he'd mention Seth. I wasn't sure if I was comfortable talking about him with John, especially after everything that I'd learned about Seth just this past weekend. Things were different now... in a way that I couldn't describe.

"You guys are dating?" John probed as he spread the cream cheese on my bagel. "Exclusively?" His tone implied that the question was casual, but the fact that he didn't look at me while he asked told me that it might not have been. He was usually all smiles and over eager with his attention. I was always the one breaking eye contact, not him. I wondered briefly why it seemed like he and Seth didn't seem to like each other very much. Neither of them seemed to act the same way around each other as they did when they were by themselves.

"Yes," I answered quietly and all too truthfully. We were definitely dating... although up until Saturday night, I had no idea just how _completely _exclusive our relationship was, especially for Seth.

John set my bagel on a plate and slid it across the counter towards my slowly. "Well, that's good I guess," he said quietly. "He seems like a nice enough guy," he finished, somewhat begrudgingly.

I nodded again and spoke from the heart. "He's the nicest guy I've ever met," I admitted quietly while taking my bagel from the counter. I sent him another small smile of thanks before turning to find a table. John muttered something quietly under his breath as I walked away, but I didn't catch what he'd said. I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts about everything I'd learned that past weekend. I slid into a booth near the back by the windows, lost in my own thoughts, and quietly sipped my tea while I waited for Nessie who was supposed to meet me in about five minutes.

I admit to being kind of lost in my head for a couple of days after Seth revealed his secret to me. We spent a long time talking that night about what being a wolf meant and about some of the things that made the men of his pack special and unique, besides the fact that they were able to shift between their human forms and another one.

To say that the past few days had been interesting would only be the beginning. Finding out that the incredibly sweet, handsome and supportive man you've fallen in love with is in fact also a supernatural creature of sorts, certainly puts life in a different perspective. I'd never been sceptical about the existence of supernatural beings. I'd been raised to believe that there are powers of the universe beyond what the average person could see with their own eyes. My religious upbringing provided me with a firm knowledge and belief in a higher power. I knew that there were things at play in the universe that people couldn't necessarily explain or understand. So the fact that beings like werewolves and vampires actually existed was _news _to me... but not altogether a shock.

The fact that _Seth_ was a wolf was... disconcerting at first. I felt like I should have been able to notice the differences in him from the beginning. Once we were alone and we'd spent some time talking about it, he explained that his large frame, his strength – which I'd always innately known that he possessed but he'd shown me very little of – and the warmth of his skin that I loved so much, were all physical signs of him being something a little _more _than the average human.

When I saw him as a wolf for the first time I was... amazed. I thought that I would be frightened, or that he would feel foreign to me in a form that different, but what surprised me the most about Seth as a wolf were actually the _similarities_ between him as a wolf and him as a human.

His easy gait, though slow and cautious while he was revealing himself to me for the first time, was nearly identical to the one he walked with on two feet. Seth always seemed to stroll rather than walk. It was a bit eerie to witness that on four legs rather than two as he stepped out from the cover of the trees. There was no denying the trademark easy bend of his knees, the slow roll of his hips. I noticed that first.

But what really convinced me that it was _him_ were his eyes. From the moment I'd met him, Seth's eyes had always been something of a safe harbour for me. In human form they were a deep, dark brown and filled with so much peace and compassion that I couldn't help but want to relax and fall right into them. I'd always felt like I could see into the depths of him by just looking at them, like I could just gaze up into them and really get to know who he was on the inside. Seth's eyes were always like an open book to me.

So what I saw when I glanced up at those eyes for the first time with Seth as a wolf, _stunned_ me. His warm inviting eyes, surrounded by long dark lashes, looked _exactly_ the same as they did in his human form. _That's_ what I saw when I looked into the face of the massive creature covered in a thick coat of sand coloured fur as I met its dark brown gaze. And then, as always, I got lost there. One look was all it took to _know _that it was him. There was no one – _nothing_ – in any form, that could make me feel what he did with just one look. I locked on to those dark brown eyes with mine and I _saw_ him. It was incredible, crazy... unbelievable. But it was true. Seth was most definitely a wolf.

And I was ok with it. I really was. It was unsettling to witness, but not impossible to believe. But I definitely wasn't afraid. Seth as a wolf was just as gentle, charming and kind as he was in human form. As a matter of fact, he'd practically bowed at my feet as I approached him that day. No... Seth himself, in whatever form he took, has never been frightening to me. I'd always known that he was special, unique. He'd always felt that way to me, in the best way possible. None of that had changed for me since I'd found out that he was a wolf.

After everything I'd learned on Saturday about the many wonderful ways that Seth was different, there was really only one thing that I was leery of...

_Yes, of course Olivia, _my subconscious piped in sarcastically. _Learning that your boyfriend is a werewolf is nothing to be leery of, but love at first sight... _that's _cause for all sorts of red flags, isn't it?_

I sighed and stared down at my tea, wrapping my hands around its warmth tightly. I was feeling so conflicted, confused and unsure about the whole thing. _Imprinting, _I thought quietly. That's what he'd called it. Not love at first sight. It seemed different than that...

My subconscious scoffed lightly and rolled her eyes at me. _But that's what it is, Olivia. He told you that he's 'completely devoted' to you – those were his exact words. And you're his girlfriend. What else could it mean?_

But he didn't say that he loved me, and I was grateful for that. I was pretty sure that he might have been building up to saying it with the way the conversation had been going, but I stopped him before he could. I just... couldn't hear him say it in that context – especially since I wasn't even sure what it meant to him after hearing everything he had to say about imprinting.

"Hi," Nessie said quietly, startling me out of my thoughts. She set her bag on the bench seat across from me and slid into the booth with a smile, coffee in hand.

"Hey," I whispered and tried to smile back at her. I don't think I really succeeded. Her reaction made it pretty clear that the conflict and heartache I was feeling was pretty much written all over my face.

She cocked her head to the side and frowned at my expression sadly, and so sympathetically, that I felt my eyes well up with tears. I ducked my head and shook it a bit, trying to find my voice through the lump in my throat. I wasn't successful.

"I'm sorry," I whispered a few moments later after I'd managed to calm myself down a bit.

I'd been kind of a mess the last few days while trying to sort out my feelings. After going stir crazy over trying to understand a the concept of imprinting on my own, I finally decided to call Nessie and asked her to meet me for coffee to see if she could help me sort things out. I was hoping that she could answer some of the questions that I had. I didn't feel as though I could ask Seth about some of the things that I was confused about. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I already had with my hesitancy. As it was, I knew I'd never forget the hurt and confused look in his eyes as he dropped me off at my apartment after we talked on Saturday night and I'd asked for some time to think things through. He looked so sad and anxious. I hated that I was the cause of it.

"Don't worry about it, Liv," Nessie said sweetly, dismissing both my tears and my apology. She brought a small half smile to my face with the use of the shortened form of my name. It seemed like Seth's nickname for me was rubbing off on others. "Are you ok?" she asked sympathetically.

"Mostly," I replied quietly, and left it at that. I didn't want to lie to her, so I settled for telling her a very brief version of the truth. Physically, I was fine. Mentally and emotionally, I was all over the map.

"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" she murmured. I glanced up from my tea to find her smiling at me softly while she shrugged off her cardigan and then reached up to tie her long copper-bronze curls into a bun at the back of her head.

I nodded and took a deep breath. "You have no idea," I said, huffing out the words on a sigh.

"Well, I'm happy to help. I know that you said you had questions. I'll answer anything I can as honestly as possible," she said seriously.

I nodded again, slowly this time, feeling glad that she offered to answer questions and at the same time confused as to where to start. I felt my brow furrow as I stared absently at the white plastic lid on my cup. Nessie seemed to be prepared to wait patiently as I thought things through. She shifted a little in her seat, crossing her legs to get comfortable, and took a few sips of coffee while I organized my thoughts.

When I glanced back up at her, ready to begin, she smiled slowly and raised her eyebrows expectantly.

I decided to start with the most important question first. There was no use beating around the bush. I had been running circles in my own mind for days, and was getting nowhere on my own. Hopefully Nessie would be able to help.

"What do you know about... imprinting?" I asked hesitantly. My voice shook a bit with nerves as I said the word. Even the thought of it made me nervous.

I wasn't prepared for her reaction. Her eyes widened a bit and her mouth fell open into a silent 'o'. She blinked a few times as my stomach fluttered with uncertainty.

"Oh," she said quietly after a few seconds, obviously voicing her shock at my choice of question.

I frowned and ducked my head a bit, suddenly worried that I had asked her about it when I shouldn't have. I knew from the way that Seth had described it to me that the concept was revered among the wolves. Was it too sacred for us to have a semi-casual conversation about? I suddenly wasn't sure...

"I'm sorry," I murmured quickly. "Should I not have asked about it?"

"No, no... I mean," she huffed out a small breath. "It's fine for you to ask about it, Olivia. I'm just... surprised. That's all. I figured that you'd have questions about other things."

"Oh," I murmured and nodded. I didn't know what else to say. It was the imprinting that I wanted to know about. Everything else, as unbelievable as it seemed, at least made logical sense to me. Imprinting on the other hand seemed wholly _un_natural.

"Ok," Nessie said quietly. "Um... it's sort of hard to describe. And from what I know it's a little bit different for every wolf that has experienced it, but the basics are the same." She cocked her head to the side and looked at me curiously. "How did Seth describe it to you?"

I took a deep breath and shook my head, wondering how on earth Seth's description of imprinting would help her explain this to me, since it had left me feeling completely confused. But then I figured that as an outsider, she might have some insight to offer me that Seth didn't and maybe she could fill in some of the blanks for me that Seth wasn't able to.

"I'd asked about him leaving home to live here in Alaska, for school," I began, giving her some background as to how the topic came up between us. "I wondered if it was a problem for him to be away from the tribe for so long because it seemed like the wolves are very loyal to their... _pack_," I said uncertainly, trying out the term. Nessie nodded encouragingly, so I continued. "That was when he told me that there was only one thing that a wolf could be more loyal to than their pack, their alpha or even their tribe," I murmured softly.

"Their imprint," Nessie said quietly, filling in the blanks about what Seth said next.

I nodded and then found myself shaking my head at the impossibility of what he'd said next. I just... couldn't even fathom it. "He said that their imprints are like the other halves of their soul," I breathed incredulously. "That they're completely devoted to their imprints from the moment they find them because _they_ are their purpose in life. He also said they know exactly who that person is the moment they see their face."

Nessie took a deep breath, nodded and smiled shyly at me. "That's very similar to how Jake described it to me, too."

I blinked in surprise at the serious and knowing tone in her voice.

_Jacob... and Nessie...?_

"Seth didn't tell you?" she asked softly. I slowly shook my head no, feeling kind of stunned and even more confused than before. Nessie nodded and took a deep breath of her own. "Jake imprinted with me on the day that I was born."

Seth had shared a lot with me about Nessie. I knew about the fact that she was a half-vampire, half human being, and I also knew that she grew really quickly and was technically only six years old, although she was as mature as a seventeen year old in every sense of the word. But I didn't know about this. And if the concept of love at first sight seemed different from the idea of imprinting before, it was worlds apart now. Anyone could see that Jacob and Nessie were very close, but it was more of a sibling type of relationship, or that of long time friends, definitely _not_ romantic, and certainly wouldn't have been when she was a baby or a young child.

I huffed out a frustrated sigh and shook my head, wondering how on earth I was ever going to come to terms with any of this...

"I've just confused you even more, haven't I?" she asked quietly and somewhat regretfully.

I nodded in agreement. "It's just that... you two are very different from us. You and Jake aren't..." I trailed off as her smile turned sad and maybe even a little wistful. Since the day I'd met them just over a month ago I had an idea that Nessie had a crush on Jake, but that they were just friends.

"No. We're not," she confirmed before blushing softly and ducking her head slightly, confirming my suspicions that she might have wished things were different between them. "But we're a lot of other things, Olivia. Imprinting isn't all about romance."

I huffed out a breath. It obviously wasn't all about romance if Jake had imprinted with Nessie when she was just a newborn.

"But then... what _is_ it about?" I wondered out loud. That was really my biggest question. What _was _it that was drawing him to me? I'd thought... I'd _hoped_ it was love. But this... _imprinting_... wasn't the same thing. I had no doubt that it was powerful and had a very strong influence over the wolf that it affected, but I had no idea exactly what it _was_ or how to feel about it.

Nessie sighed and furrowed her own brow in concentration as she put together an explanation that I hoped would help me make sense of things. "It's true that a wolf finds the other half of his soul when he imprints," she began quietly. "Jake and I are like two peas in a pod," she said with a small smile. "We always have been." She spun her coffee around between her fingers and bit her lip a little, while she decided what to say next. "I can only speak about what I've seen with the other wolves and their imprints and with me and Jake. The main thing to remember is that their first loyalty in all matters lies with you, the imprint. The bond is so strong, that if they were loyal to someone or something else before you, it would feel like they were betraying themselves."

"But isn't it the same thing?" I asked sincerely. "Isn't being loyal to _us_ first, just like betraying themselves? Shouldn't their first priority be _them_?"

Nessie frowned and sighed before answering. "They don't always see it that way, it's true," she said quietly, basically confirming what I'd already assumed. Seth's unfailing support, his endearing attentiveness, his easy acceptance of me... none of it was done out of love. It was because of the imprint. They were done out of _compulsion_...

_Oh... oh no, _I thought to myself as my heart twisted painfully, rising up and into my throat again. _Oh. That hurts._

"It's just so unfair," I found myself whispering raggedly around the lump that had suddenly returned in my throat full force. "They don't even have a choice."

He bonded with me. The universe had somehow made _me_ Seth's first priority. But _he_ didn't. None of it was him. He was compelled to do it by something else...

"Olivia, no," Nessie said firmly. "They _do_ have choices. But they're like everyone else in that their decisions are made based on what they know and how they _feel_."

"But how can what they feel be trusted?" I asked softly. "Especially if it's something that they're not even in control of?" I didn't know how to voice my concerns any better than that.

Nessie frowned and nodded gently. She began fiddling with the lid on her cup in somewhat of a nervous gesture before continuing. "I'm not sure if what I experience is exactly the same as everyone else but... I don't often feel like I have a lot of control over what _I _feel either, Olivia. I get... _moody_ sometimes when I wish I wouldn't. And sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I react to things in ways that I normally wouldn't, because of it. I've been told that things in that department are sort of accelerated and a bit exaggerated for me, but... don't you feel the same way, sometimes, too?" she asked, peering up at me with open and sincere brown eyes. "Don't your emotions sometimes lead the way? Don't you ever feel things that just _are_?" she asked cryptically.

Ironically enough I thought about Seth when she mentioned feeling things that just _were_. From the day I met Seth, I felt things for and around him that I had _never_ felt with anyone else. I felt peaceful, calm and comfortable around him when I hadn't been able to do that with any other person. And I trusted him almost instinctively. That just didn't happen with me - not ever. My thoughts wandered to my immediate panic the night John latched on to my wrist in the laundry room, and the way I automatically steered clear of the eyes of men I didn't know. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my heart and body react all the time without ever really being told to. I don't have to think about it. It's just instinctual.

_Is that what imprinting is like with the wolves? I wondered. Is it like a very powerful form of _instinct _that drew them to their other halves? _

I nodded absently in response to Nessie's question. She was right. I supposed everyone was driven by their emotions at times.

Then I sighed when I realized that if what I was thinking was _true_ – and imprinting really was all about instinct – I had just been handed a very big responsibility; one that I wasn't sure that I could ever be deserving of.

"It's a lot to be responsible for," I murmured. "Isn't it?"

Nessie's eyes narrowed at my response curiously. "What do you mean?"

"They trust us implicitly, don't they?" I asked quietly, finally feeling like I had started to figure things out. She nodded, but continued look at me curiously, like she still wasn't sure what I was thinking. I frowned and looked down at my cup again, thinking about the conversation I'd had with my mother that morning, just hours before. I called her to try and sort things out between us, and once we started talking about her objections to my relationship with Seth again, I told her the truth about why her resistance to him hurt me so much. I told her that I loved him - and her reaction was less than enthusiastic. She said not to rush my feelings, that we hadn't known each other that long and that these things take time to grow and develop. She said that trusting my heart to someone else was a very serious matter and that it shouldn't be taken lightly. And I wholeheartedly agreed with her.

But she didn't know what I knew now. She didn't know that I'd been entrusted with the biggest, kindest, sweetest heart of the most wonderful man I'd ever met... and that he gave me _his _first – wholly and completely – without a thought for himself.

"I love him," I whispered so very quietly.

It felt odd to be telling Nessie before Seth, but I needed her to know that that was where my concern and hesitancy about all of this was coming from. It was overwhelming to be in the position I suddenly found myself in. She had to know a thing or two about that. She'd been in the same position herself, with Jacob, for years. Knowing that she could relate to where I was coming from gave me the courage to voice my biggest fear, my greatest concern with the entire thing, since I'd learned about imprinting. It was the one thing I felt like I couldn't talk to Seth about, because I didn't think he would understand.

"I don't want to hurt him, Nessie. He's so wonderful and he deserves so much. I..." I paused and shook my head, unsure of how to word the rest of what I was feeling. How could I tell her that I didn't know if I was enough? She didn't know about my past, she had no idea what Seth was taking on with me. How could fate entrust someone as sweet, kind and caring as him to someone with as many issues as I had? "I want to be what he wants. But I don't want to disappoint him. I want to be enough for him, but..." I sighed again and shook my head in frustration. The concept of him being so completely attached and devoted to me was daunting. "This can't be all about me. It has to be about him too. I just... want to do right by him."

I knew I was babbling a bit, and that my thoughts weren't exactly cohesive or necessarily connected, but they were heartfelt and sincere. I truly didn't think it was fair for Seth to be in the position he was in, and having a one-sided relationship was something that would never be appealing to me. Besides that, though... Seth deserved better. He deserved someone who would put _him _first.

I looked up to see if what I'd said made sense to Nessie and caught her blinking rapidly against tears welling up in her eyes as she smiled at me sweetly. "Oh, Olivia," she breathed softly. "If that statement alone doesn't prove why you're perfect for Seth, I don't know what would."

I felt my own eyes fill up with warm tears in response. She thought I was perfect for him? That meant more to me than she would probably ever know. Seth was her friend and she trusted me with him, not because instinct told her to, like it had done with Seth himself, but because she felt like I was right for him.

"Do you really think so?" I whispered shakily.

She nodded and smiled. "I really do. I meant what I said. You're just what he needs, Olivia."

She seemed confident, but I still wasn't sure.

Nessie excused herself to use the washroom, leaving me to mull things over on my own while I waited for her to return.

I knew what I had to do next. I needed to talk to Seth. We hadn't seen each other since Saturday night. He'd been giving the time and space I'd asked for. And while I felt like I'd sorted things out as much as I could without asking him a few things directly, there were some questions only Seth could answer. It wouldn't be an easy conversation to have, but I was determined to take my mother's advice seriously. If what Seth and Nessie were describing to me was true, and I really was who Seth was meant to be with, then there had to be evidence of it... something other than the fact that Seth had imprinted when he met me.

I couldn't bring myself to trust something as important as his heart to an _instinct _that I barely even understood. And if I was being honest with myself, I'd have to admit that it scared me to give my heart to him under the same circumstances. After all, my own instincts hadn't served me very well in the past. I trusted a boy who took advantage of me in more ways than I care to remember. I trusted my parents to be there for me when I needed them, and they had all but turned their backs on me. So even though my instincts were telling me right from the beginning to trust and believe in Seth, I was finding that I couldn't bring myself to believe in them. Not completely anyway. Not the way Seth needed me to.

But... if imprinting worked the way that I suspected it did, then there had to be a _reason_ for it... there had to be a reason that he had imprinted with _me_, specifically, wouldn't there? That was what I needed to talk to Seth about. I needed to know that there was something other than the imprint bringing us together. I knew that there was for me. And if he could confirm that there was for him, too, it would go a long way towards proving what he'd said... that we were supposed to be meant for each other.

I took a deep breath.

_Meant for each other. _

_Oh wow. _

Just thinking about it gave me chills and made my head swim. My heart vacillated back and forth between feeling joyful hope for love and hesitant confusion and disbelief that this could actually be happening to me.

Nessie returned, phone in hand, setting it gently down on the table, snapping me out of my thoughts and drawing my attention to her as she sat.

"I got a text from Seth as soon as I got in there," she said softly. "He's worried about you."

I sighed and tried my best to smile.

_Oh, Seth... I'm worried about you too, _I thought.

I missed him so much. We had spent time together nearly every free moment that we had for the past month. Somewhere in the midst of all the study dates, simple meals and time spent just hanging out with each other I'd gotten very used to his warm smile, his easygoing companionship and his warmth. But I hadn't seen him once since Saturday. I'd even stayed home from school yesterday to think about things. I was worried about what seeing him would do to my train of thought. Things always seemed so simple and easy with Seth around. I knew that being around him while trying to think objectively about life altering concepts like imprinting, probably wouldn't work very well for me. We'd called each other to check in and chat a bit, but we hadn't talked about anything of consequence. We just sort of tiptoed around the hard subjects and listened to each other's voices as we babbled on about the weather and other insignificant things.

"I need to talk to him," I said quietly. "Do you know where he is?" It was the middle of the morning, and although I knew that he had most likely just finished his early morning classes and that he worked in the evening, I had no idea what he would do on his own in between, since that time was usually spent with me.

She smiled hesitantly and nodded. "I do, actually. He was just about to go for a run with Jake when I texted him back."

I sighed and frowned with a nod of my own. I knew Seth liked to run when he was stressed. I hated to think that he was so upset over my reaction to things that he needed to relieve tension by running.

"Do you think he'd want to talk to me instead?" I asked quietly. "Maybe I should call him."

Nessie shook her head before I could even get my phone out of my bag. "I'm sure he'd love to talk to you, Olivia, but he won't be able to answer his phone," she said pointedly.

_Oh, _I thought with a start. _He's running as a wolf..._

Nessie must have seen understanding dawn on my face because she nodded with a smile and a small wink.

"I have to run, too," Nessie murmured before draining the last of her coffee and picking up her bag. "Amber and I are supposed to meeting about our group project for Sociology in the library in ten."

I smiled, liking the fact that Amber and Nessie were enjoying each other's company. They didn't seem like they would be the best of friends, but they got along pretty well. I introduced them the week before when we ran into each other in one of the hallways on campus on the way to the ladies room. They found out that they shared a class together after we chatted for a bit and ended up deciding to work on their group project together since neither one of them knew anyone else in the class.

"Ok," I said, gathering my things and rising out of my seat as Nessie did the same. We walked to the door together and stepped outside in silence. "Nessie?" I said to nab her attention before she decided to leave.

"Yeah?"

I smiled and hugged the strap of my messenger bag closer to my chest a bit, wishing I had enough courage and experience with girlfriends to feel comfortable hugging her instead.

"Thank you," I said sincerely.

She smiled brightly. "You're welcome, Olivia. Anytime. Call me and let me know how things go when you talk to him, ok?"

I smiled and nodded back. "Yeah, I will."

With a smile and a wave she turned and headed in the direction of the campus library while I walked off in the opposite direction towards my dorm. When I got there I debated calling Seth and leaving him a message about wanting to talk to him, but I knew that he had to work that evening and didn't want it to be a rushed conversation, so I didn't.

Instead I put together a simple lunch of flatbread, cheese and a bit of left over salad from the night before. Payday was only a couple of days away and my cupboards and refrigerator were pretty bare, so it wasn't like I had a lot of options. Seth's apartment would be fully stocked, seeing as he got paid last week. We'd been taking turns eating at each other's apartments, making meals for and with each other for the last little while once we figured out that we got paid on opposite weeks. Well, I did most of the cooking, but Seth helped in whatever way he could and provided the food when we were at his place.

I spent most of the afternoon catching up on reading for the lectures that I'd missed the day before. Once that was done I decided to be brave and call Seth's phone to leave a message.

I dialled and heard it ring four times before heading over to voicemail.

"_Hi, you've reached Seth. Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you." _

I smiled at the sound of his happy voice and then sighed.

_I miss him._

The beep sounded on the other end of the line. I took a deep breath and let it out as I talked.

"Hey Seth, it's me. Um... I know you're working until ten, but I was hoping to talk to you tonight if you're not too tired when you're done. So, um, can you call me? I'll wait to hear from you..." I said trailing off near the end, wishing more than anything that I could end the message with the three words that sat right on the tip of my tongue. But I knew that we needed to sort things out first before I could tell him that I loved him. And I certainly didn't want to tell him for the first time over the phone, especially not in a voicemail. So after a pause I took another deep breath and breathed out the words that I _could_ tell him and would still sort of let him know how I felt. "I miss you." I paused, took another breath. "Bye," I whispered, then flipped my phone shut.

I glanced over at the clock. It read four-oh-five. He'd been at work for just over two hours and wouldn't be done for another six. I sighed to myself quietly. There was a lot of time to sit and wait for his call. Worried that I might spend the entire time obsessing over our upcoming conversation, about what to say and how to say it, I decided to try and take my mind off of things. I grabbed my iPod, placed it in its cradle on the stereo and set it to my most soothing playlist. After turning up the volume a bit I padded down the hallway to my room, set up my easel and a fresh canvas in the light from the bright lamp I had sitting near the window and set to work with charcoal to bring my most recent sketch to life. It was slow going at first. The tension in my shoulders and neck from the last few days of thinking, wondering and worrying took a while to smooth out. But once I hit my stride, with the music playing softly in the background, the world and all of my worries fell away and I was able to focus on setting the outline perfectly within the canvas, then flowed seamlessly into sketching detail upon detail... layering, relating what I saw in my mind to the blank spaces in front of me, filling them up with as much detail and accuracy as I could.

I worked steadily without a break until sometime later when my phone rang. I slipped it from my pocket and felt my eyes widen a bit with surprise when I recognized Seth's number on the screen. It was almost eight o'clock in the evening, which was earlier than I'd expected to hear from him, but much later than I thought it would have been. I knew that I tended to lose myself in my work a bit when it come to sketching and painting, but I was sure that I'd never gone four hours without realizing how much time had passed before.

I flipped my phone open and answered quietly, still feeling a bit shocked at how focused I'd been, allowing an entire evening to sneak by me.

"Hello?"

"Olivia," Seth breathed quietly, "hey."

I smiled weakly at the relief in his voice. It seemed like he missed me almost as much as I missed him the last couple of days.

"Hi Seth," I murmured back. "Are you on a break?" I asked, figuring that he might have checked his phone and gotten my message a bit earlier than anticipated.

"Um, not really," he said hesitantly. "I'm done for the night, actually."

"So soon?" I asked, surprised. It was over two hours before his shift was supposed to end.

"Yeah. I uh..." he paused and then continued somewhat sheepishly and anxiously. "I got your message earlier." He paused and again and took a deep breath. "So I finished up as quickly as I could. I know you said before that you needed some time, but... you said that you wanted to talk in your message so... um... can I um, can I come over? I just..." There was a bigger pause this time. "I really miss you too," he murmured quietly.

My heart leapt in my chest. He sounded so unsure of himself. Didn't he know that I wanted to see him too?

"Yeah," I whispered, "of course."

He sighed and then took another deep breath.

"Is _now_ ok? Like... right now?" he asked hesitantly.

"Um, ok," I murmured quietly, wondering why he sounded so hesitant.

"Good," he breathed. "So, um... would you mind coming down and letting me in?"

"What?" I asked incredulously. "You're here? Already? Seth, how... where are you?"

"Look out your window," he whispered.

I dropped the charcoal I'd been holding onto the ledge of the easel and shifted a foot to my left to gaze outside. My eyes wandered quickly over the parking lot searching for Seth's car.

"I don't see you," I murmured when I'd scanned the whole lot without finding it.

"Look to your left a bit," he murmured back, "by the tree line."

My eyes shifted left and found him easily this time, standing in front of a large oak in nothing but jeans and a white t-shirt.

"Hi," he whispered quietly with a smile once our eyes connected.

"Hi," I whispered back. I took a second to let my eyes wander over him, his broad shoulders, his strong hands, one gripping the phone, the other tucked into the pocket of his jeans, the smooth tanned skin of his arms, his handsome face with dark eyes boring nervously into mine. "I missed you," I whispered into the phone. The words floated up my throat and out of my mouth before I could even acknowledge that I was going to speak. It was just... automatic. And so, _so_ true.

"Me too, Liv," he whispered back. "I'm sorry for just showing up like this, but... I really needed to see you tonight."

I shook my head, not needing the apology. "Don't be sorry. I'll come down and let you up," I murmured.

"Actually, why don't you just open your window for me?" he said quietly. "It'll save us some time." I eyed the three floor distance from my window to the ground below before turning a surprised and sceptical eye on him as he crossed the parking lot towards me.

"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly. It was long way up, with no balconies or fire escape to climb. I knew that he was strong and had extra physical abilities that most people didn't, but I had absolutely no clue how he planned to make it three stories up a brick building with nothing to climb on.

"Yeah," he said almost apologetically as he stopped at the side of my building just around the corner from where my window was. He shrugged, and I shook my head in wonder as I slid the window open as wide as it could go.

"Ok," I said and stepped back.

"I'm going to have to let you go," Seth said, "but I'll see you in a few seconds."

We hung up and within seconds, just like he said, he was swinging a foot and then a leg around the side of my window, before climbing in completely.

I huffed out a surprised breath and shook my head. "Wow," was all I could manage to say about the fact the he somehow scaled three stories of brick in a matter of seconds.

"Sorry," he murmured as he stepped forward to stand right in front me. "Did I just freak you out?"

I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "It's incredible and kind of unexpected, but it doesn't bother me."

He took a deep breath and let it go. "Good."

We stood there for a few moments, just staring at each other, inches apart but not touching. I could feel the heat radiating off of his skin and inhaled his soft chamomile and sandalwood scent. Warm fingers reached out and gently intertwined with mine. Thumbs circled my palms lightly.

I sighed, closed my eyes and shook my head. I needed to start our conversation, and soon, before his soft touches, sweet words and pleading expression broke my resolve. It would be too easy, after three long days of thinking about him and missing him, to simply forget about all of my worries and just _be_ with him right now.

"I met with Nessie today," I said quietly.

"Yeah. She mentioned it this morning," Seth replied. "She said you had questions..." He trailed off there waiting for me to fill in the gap.

"I did. I still do, actually. But she was really helpful." I paused and opened my eyes to stare at the floor, not sure if I had the strength to look him in the eye when I admitted what we talked about. "She told me about her and Jake," I murmured. "I... I asked her about... imprinting."

Seth huffed out a surprised breath. And then another one.

And then there was nothing for a moment.

His thumbs stopped circling and his fingers tightened around mine slightly. After a few tense seconds, he spoke.

"What did she say?" It was whispered and cautious.

"A lot of things," I replied, not wanting to get into specifics with him yet. "But she did a lot of listening too. And that was really what I needed."

"Ok," Seth breathed. "That's good, right?" he asked hopefully. "Did it help at all? To talk to her about it?"

"Yes," I murmured. "But it also made me realize that the person I really needed to talk to was you."

He took a deep breath and used one set of our joined hands to tip my head up until my eyes met his.

"That's why I'm here," he said seriously with a small smile. I did my best to smile back, but my nerves were starting to get the better of me.

"Seth, if I asked you to answer something for me honestly, would you?"

"Always," was his immediate reply.

"And if I asked you to try and answer objectively... even if you thought I wouldn't like the answer, would you do that, too?"

"I'll never lie to you," he said earnestly. "You know that."

I nodded and took a deep and very shaky breath. This was it. There was no turning back from here. I hadn't rehearsed what I wanted to say or even what I wanted to ask, but there really wasn't much to rehearse on either account. So I decided it would be best if I just spoke from my heart.

"I love you," I whispered quietly, looking straight into his deep brown eyes. They widened in shock and then crinkled when his face broke into a broad smile. Again, I tried to smile back, but couldn't quite pull it off.

"I love you too, Liv," he whispered back. His thumbs began circling again as his eyes shifted back and forth between mine happily. My breath caught in my throat. I hated having to ruin this moment...

"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly.

His face fell. His eyes narrowed slightly.

I swallowed reflexively with nerves.

"_What_?" he asked pointedly.

I knew that he wasn't asking me to repeat the question. He'd definitely heard me. The surprise and hurt that crept into his tone with his reply told me as much.

"Seth..." I started and found that I was suddenly swallowing back tears. My heart burned at hearing the words I really wanted to hear from him, the one's I was hoping were true. But my mind wouldn't let me believe them. Not yet. And I hated that it _hurt_ him that I questioned his feelings. But I had to. I had to know...

"Think about it, Seth. _Really_ think about it before you answer me. Please." I whispered.

"I don't have to," he said quietly.

"You should," I countered cautiously.

"No," he refuted.

"Seth-"

"Stop it, Liv," he said seriously. "Is that what you're thinking?" he asked quietly. "That just because imprinting helped me find you..." he shook his head. "You think that I don't know how I feel?"

I closed my eyes and swallowed back another lump in my throat. "How can you be sure, Seth, if you felt it before you really even _knew_ me?"

To my surprise his hands dropped mine and cupped both of my cheeks. My eyes flew open to meet his serious and determined ones.

"Don't, Olivia," he said firmly. "Don't do this. Don't complicate this and turn it into something it's not. It's simple and it's good. _I love you._"

This was as close to fierce as I'd ever seen Seth get. His jaw was set. His eyes were practically blazing with emotion.

"It's not simple, Seth," I said breathed.

"Yes it is," he countered firmly. "I _feel _it, Olivia," he continued. "You can't tell me that I don't."

I knew this conversation wouldn't be easy. I knew that he wouldn't feel the same way as I did about imprinting, but what I hadn't expected was just how determined he would be to state his case. But he had to know that falling in love wasn't like this – that it wasn't supposed to happen the way that it did with him. And that for me to just accept his heart without giving him the chance to think about what he was getting into was wrong. He deserved better than that.

I wanted him to be sure that, if given the _choice_... he would choose me anyway, because if he was operating solely based on the imprinting instinct, it could be wrong. I knew better than anyone that instincts weren't always to be trusted.

"But do you _know_ it?" I asked slowly. I gently wrapped my hands around his and pulled them away from my face to rest between us. Squeezing his hands in mine, I shook my head. "People fall in love with other people because of how they make them feel, just like I have with you. But... _I_ didn't do anything to make you feel that way, Seth."

I dropped his hands and shuffled my way over to my bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress, staring at the floor. Hot tears drifted out of the corners of both of my eyes, trickling down my cheeks as the truth of what I'd just said stung my heart. My hands folded together in my lap and twisted nervously around each other, reminding me of the way my heart was feeling in my chest. Like I had picked it up, and was wringing it out.

I heard him huff out a breath. "_What_?" he asked breathlessly. "How could you even think that, Liv?"

I sucked in a long breath, hiccoughing and shuddering the whole way. "How could I not?"

I felt the air shift around me and then Seth was kneeling at my feet, his large, warm hands wrapping around mine on my lap, stilling them. He didn't say anything for a few moments. My guess is that he was probably waiting for me to look up at him, but I just couldn't. I couldn't stare into his eyes and talk about how much I doubted what I would actually mean to him if he'd just met me randomly, like any other guy meets a girl. My eyes stayed focused on our hands.

"I love how kind and accepting you are," he said quietly. "I've never met anyone like you. You look for the good in everyone."

I shook my head and sniffled. It wasn't like I met a lot of people. I kept to myself for the most part. And it isn't difficult to look for the best in people. It's how I was raised – to treat others the way that you'd want them to treat you.

"I love the way you look at the world. The way you can remember every little detail of something that interests you and then the way you sketch it and paint it... you're an amazing artist."

His mention of my love of art made me remember what I was committing to canvas when he called. I glanced up quickly to find him staring at the charcoal sketch I'd almost finished – one of a large wolf, looking up at me as he gently nudged the back of my hand.

"Wow," he breathed.

"It's not finished yet," I whispered, suddenly feeling self-conscious and a little bit nervous about the fact that he was looking at a sketch of himself. It needed more shading in the recesses around his ears and to me, it would never look complete until I was able to fill in the fur with just the right shade of light sandy brown and his eyes with a colour something close to that of an espresso bean...

"It's incredible," he murmured. He turned to face me, searching my eyes. "_You're _incredible, Olivia." His mouth turned up in half smile as he shook his head. "There's no way I wouldn't have noticed you." One hand left mine and reached up toward my face. His index finger touched my forehead then ran slowly down the side of my face as he spoke. "This face... pink pouty lips, your big blue eyes..." he whispered. His description stopped there, but his eyes drifted down over the rest of me and then back up to meet my own, making me shiver and wonder what he would say if he decided to continue. My breath caught and I looked down to escape the intensity of his gaze. "You're gorgeous. Prettiest girl I've ever met..."

I flushed and huffed out a surprised breath of my own.

_Oh... my..._

"I've said it before, but I'll tell you again. I think you're one of the strongest people I know. You've been through a lot and you don't let it get you down. You're sweet and caring and trusting..." He paused and took both of my hands again, squeezing them gently until I looked up at him.

I shook my head at him. Trusting? I could barely force myself to look strangers in the face, never mind the eye on most occasions. How could he say that?

"Trusting?" I asked. "I have so many issues with trust, Seth..."

"But you trust me," he said simply. "And I love that. I love that you feel like you can open up to me or come to me when you need help."

I chuckled breathlessly, but it wasn't humorous – it was wry. "You mean like when I had a panic attack because John made the mistake of trying to help me?" I whispered bitterly. "Is that really something you imagined yourself having to deal with?" I asked sadly.

He shook his head and eyed the floor between us, his face serious. It seemed like what I was saying was finally starting to sink in. He thought for a minute or so, and I made a very concerted effort to do everything I could to let him mull it over in peace. I hoped the conversation was doing what I'd planned, and getting him to think about the fact that he should have other options. That I wasn't perfect and that he should consider the fact that everything about me was definitely not appealing. It hurt to be the one to force him to do that. I didn't like that I had to upset him by questioning his feelings for me. But if I hadn't questioned them, something in me realized that he never would have. And he should. Everyone should have the right to think about and _decide_ who they fall in love with...

"You know, back in La Push, I was the youngest wolf in the entire pack for years," he said quietly. "I was kind of like the kid brother that everyone liked having around for the fun stuff, but I was always behind, always looking up to everyone. I was always the last one picked for any sort of pack responsibilities... the kid that everyone was constantly trying to keep out of trouble. I still am sometimes, even though I'm not a kid anymore," he admitted softly. "It's kind of hard, being a wolf with the same instincts to fight and protect as everyone else, but being held back because I was too young, or immature, or just not needed." He shrugged and looked up me again, shyly this time. "I never feel like that kid with you, though. Believe it or not, I kind of like having someone to help and even protect sometimes. I feel like I'm the man I'm supposed to be when I'm with you, Liv."

I blinked a few times, staring up at him in shock.

_He feels like the man he supposed to be with me? I make him feel that way?_

"You do?" I breathed incredulously.

"Yeah," he smiled lightly and shrugged, "I do."

His face got serious again and his thumbs began making those soothing circles on the backs of my hands that I loved so much. My mind was busy trying to keep up with everything that he was saying, trying to figure out if what I'd hoped he was feeling was true.

_Maybe, _I whispered cautiously to myself. _Just maybe..._

"I thought I was in love once before," he said quietly, staring at me cautiously.

I felt my jaw drop and my lips slowly fall open in shock. This was news to me. He'd mentioned that he'd dated before, which for a kind and good looking guy like him, didn't come as a shock to me. But he'd never said that he'd been in love... or thought he was in love.

He swallowed thickly and looked at our hands. "I guess I was... a little bit," he murmured and then shook his head as if to clear it. "With my ex-girlfriend. We dated for almost a year and broke up just before the beginning of the summer."

"Oh," I whispered. I didn't know what else to say. I had no idea that he had a steady girlfriend that he cared so much about just this past year.

"She was nice and we got along pretty well," he said quietly. And then he shrugged a shoulder, as it if was no big deal.

But it was to me. If he thought he was in love before, what was different then from now? He said that he _knew_ he loved me... but he definitely didn't sound sure about his feelings for the other girl...

_Oh... why do I hate even the thought of that? _

The idea of Seth having feelings for someone else definitely didn't sit well with me. It made my heart twist again and burn a bit, this time with jealousy.

"Why did you break up?" I asked cautiously, not sure if he'd want to tell me since he hadn't shared anything about this past relationship with me until now. But I felt that it might help somehow, to know why he wasn't with her anymore... that maybe it would help me figure out why he might actually _want_ to be with me, instead.

He took a deep breath. "Do you remember Quil?" I nodded. Quil was Seth's friend that came up to deliver his furniture and other belongings when he moved here to Alaska. "He caught her out with some other guy while we were still seeing each other..." he muttered, before trailing off and shrugging again.

I gasped in shock.

"_What_?" I asked. It was my turn to sound shocked and hurt, only it was on his behalf. Seth was the nicest guy I'd ever met and he was the very _definition_ of tall, dark and handsome... and she _cheated_ on him? I couldn't fathom why anyone who was with him would want to see someone else. It didn't make any sense to me. Not at all.

"She didn't love me, even though she said she did. Maybe she thought she did at some point," he said quietly.

"She definitely didn't," I murmured, knowing what it was like to really love Seth. The thought of even looking at someone else would never cross my mind. "Not like I do," I admitted softly, wanting him to know that I could never be like her, that I would never hurt him that way.

"But that's just it," he said pointedly. "I didn't love her the way I thought I did either, Liv. Not like I love you – not by a long shot. Everything's different with you. Every time I learn something new about you, I love you more. Every day it gets stronger..."

I shook my head, dumbfounded. He leaned in closer to me until our foreheads touched and his warm breath washed over my face.

"Please believe me, Olivia," he whispered, gazing back and forth between my eyes.

"I'm trying," I whispered raggedly. Hope was reaching out and twirling around my heart, like a ribbon caught in the wind. It fluttered and floated, brushing over me, teasing, landing, then lifting off to fly again, never really taking root.

"Let me show you," he murmured seriously. "Please just... give me a chance to prove it you." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. "I'll be so good to you," he whispered against them ardently. His hands tightened on mine with his last sentence, as if trying to lock us together and seal in a promise.

_Oh, Seth._

And that's when my defences fell... because what man would fall to his knees, pour his heart out to a girl the way he had, and literally beg her for the chance to let him love her... if he didn't?

"You already are," I whispered back. He needed to know that I knew how wonderful he was. My biggest worry was whether or not I was what _he_ needed...

_But he loves me. He really does love me._

Without a second thought I reached out with my heart, grabbed that ribbon of hope and held on to it as tightly as I could. Then I leaned forward and kissed him gently, silently making him the same promise that he made to me. I would be good to him and put him first, even when he refused to do that for himself.

"Come here," I whispered after breaking our kiss a minute later, gently tugging on the collar of his shirt where my hand had somehow found its way to once again. He was still kneeling on the floor. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable.

I shifted backwards on the bed, making room for him. He climbed up slowly as I lowered my head to the pillow on my left, staying on my side, facing him. He joined me and wasted no time scooping me up, burying his face in my neck and hugging me to him tightly. My hands were trapped against his chest, so I couldn't hug him back, but that didn't stop me from burrowing my face into the warmth of his neck, just like he had done with mine.

"I missed you, Liv," he said quietly before kissing my neck gently.

"I'm sorry, Seth," I whispered back. I felt horrible for keeping him at arm's length for the past few days. It was pretty clear to me now that neither of us liked being apart from each other for very long.

"S'ok," he mumbled.

"I believe you," I whispered softly. "I'm so sorry for doubting you."

"It's ok," he said again, "but I'm going to make sure you never have to again."

I sighed. There he was. My sweet, determined Seth. Always doing what he thought he needed to do to take care of me. But with the way he was clinging to me, I felt like it was my turn to be taking care of him.

"Are you hungry?" I asked after a moment or two. He'd just come from work. I knew that he always ate a late supper after his shift, but I figured that he must have skipped it to come straight here to see me afterwards.

"A little, but I'm ok," he replied. He lifted his head, dropped a soft kiss on my cheek, then laid his head on the pillow beside mine, letting our foreheads rest together.

"I haven't eaten either. Let me go throw something together," I prompted, hoping that he'd let me make him something to eat if he knew that I was a bit hungry too. It was a bit late for me to eat, but since I hadn't had a thing since lunch I knew it was probably best that I had a little something before bed.

He nodded and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before frowning and letting me go.

"I'll be right back," I said as I slipped off the bed. "You can stay," I told him as he started to rise. He must have had a long day. He looked so tired. "I'll bring it here."

"Ok," he agreed and settled back in as I made my way to the kitchen.

I rummaged around a bit, picking up some crackers for me to snack on. I pulled out the remaining flat bread, the last of the lunch meat, some marbled cheddar, lettuce and a tomato. I sliced the rest of the cheese, and split it between my cracker plate and the sandwich I'd made for Seth with the turkey breast and vegetables. After cleaning up, I grabbed our plates and a couple of bottles of water from the cupboard and made my way back to my room.

I stopped just inside my doorway, huffed out a soft sigh and shook my head at the sight before me. Seth was curled up around my pillow, his face buried in it, one arm draped over it, one under it – and he was fast asleep. I was obviously right before. He must have been pretty tired. I placed his plate and water down on the nightstand next to my bed as quietly as I could. He looked so peaceful that I decided to let him be. I'd leave his sandwich beside the bed just in case he woke up in a little while and was still hungry.

I brought my plate over to the bookshelf next to my easel and nibbled on cheese and crackers as I decided what I needed to do to finish up my sketch on the canvas. Inspiration stuck me a couple of minutes later, so I abandoned my snack, picked up the charcoal, then shaded and blended until I was satisfied that the outline was done and ready for colour.

Seth was still sleeping by the time I was done, so I quickly brushed my teeth, changed into my pyjamas and got ready for bed. When I was done, I approached the bed and carefully peeled the covers back next to him and crawled in. Ran my fingertips over his jaw and whispered his name until his eyes fluttered open a bit.

"Stay?" I whispered quietly.

"Yeah," he replied groggily.

I tugged on the covers below him a bit until he got the idea that I wanted him to shift so I could move them out from under him. He cuddled right up next to me as soon as he was under the covers, sliding an arm around my waist, and resting his forehead against mine. I smiled when I realized that we were still sharing the same pillow.

"Love you, Liv," he mumbled sleepily, then kissed me softly and settled back in on the pillow.

"I love you, too, Seth," I whispered softly and then snuggled in closer with my hands resting on his chest, looking forward to a good night's sleep in his arms.

* * *

**Well, Olivia seems to have worked some things out for herself. I hope you can all se where I'm coming from with her description of imprinting as a very powerful instinct. It's always seemed like that to me - very similar to the natural instincts that mothers often feel to love and protect their young... something like that, only more powerful.**

**So, in the beginning I was thinking that this fic would be between 5 and 10 chapters. That predcition changed to something closer to 20 once I started writing it and found these character's voices. I'm now extending it to... nothing concrete. These two have a story to tell, and try as I might, I haven't been able to curb them from telling it in their own way, so i decided that I'm just going to go with it. I have an outline for this fic (always have). It's just that Seth and Olivia are taking longer to tell each part than I imagined they would. I hope you don't mind! I plan on riding this out with them. So... as for length... I officially no longer have a clue. What I do know is that their story will be told as a whole. These two deserve at least that much. Besides, knowing a little bit more about these two might also help you understand where Elijah is coming from later on... just saying. *winks***

**Happy New Year to all of you!**

**~Hitchy**


	21. Let's Get Lost

**Hi everyone. Not much to say up here, except that this is probably not my strongest chapter. I played around with it quite a bit, but in the end decided that I was being too finicky and decided to stop making changes... or I might have done somethign silly like erase the whole thing and start again.**

**Chapter Song: Let's Get Lost by Beck and Bat for Lashes.**

**As always, I'd like to thank _shepeppy_ for taking time out of her very busy shedule to read this drabble and point out that, amongst other things, there is no apostrophe in the word pyjamas. :-)**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Seth and Olivia's love in this fic (oh and that other little one I wrote that they were in, too. LOL)**

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Let's Get Lost**

**SPOV**

I rolled over a bit sometime in the early morning. Olivia was cuddled into my side like I was her favourite teddy bear, hands on my chest, one over my heart, the other on the collar of my shirt. Her little body was tucked right up against me, one leg slightly tucked between mine, her knee landing about half way down my thigh. Our heads shared a pillow. Mine was next to hers all night. Our foreheads touched. I felt her in my arms, along my body, and breathed her in for hours. I slept, but my body was still aware of her there right next to me. My blood hummed and thrummed so much it damn near purred.

I was so damn happy just to be there with her. We'd slept in the same bed before, but never under the covers together and never just for the purpose of being together through the night. I'd held her and comforted her through a couple of rough nights while she slept before. _This_ was completely different.

This was just us.

And I loved it.

I loved _her_.

And she loved me. She really did.

I looked over at her and chuckled under my breath when I realized that she'd tossed off her fluffy blue and white duvet sometime during the night. She was too warm sleeping next to me, but instead of moving away, she'd tossed the thick cover aside and left us cuddled up under just the sheet. I noticed that her cheeks were still flushed a bit, so I leaned away from her, trying to put some distance between us to let her cool down. Her fingers tightened on my shirt and her body leaned into mine. She pouted in her sleep and I smiled like the lucky guy I was. She didn't want me to move away. Even in her sleep.

_Well, I guess that leaves only one option,_ I thought, eyeing the soft sheet tucked up under her neck. I tugged on the sheet and gently folded it back and away from her to help her cool off. My smile slid right off my face as soon as I did, my mouth sliding open into an 'O'.

Yeah. I gaped.

A lot.

I was exhausted from losing nearly three nights sleep when I'd come to see her the night before, so when she joined me in the bed after I'd already fallen asleep I hadn't even let my eyes drift open before sliding down under the covers with her. So I hadn't realized that she'd changed before she came to bed. Into pyjamas. No... not just pyjamas. Incredibly fucking cute pyjamas. She was all deep purple and white plaid flannel on the bottom and deep purple, tight, stretchy cotton on the top. Not just any deep purple, tight, stretchy cotton top, by the way. It was a _tank_ top. A really fitted one, that scooped lower than anything else I'd ever seen on her.

"Holy shit," I breathed almost silently. I was so wrong before. These pyjamas weren't cute at all. They were one hundred percent, girl-next-door _hot. _

I swallowed thickly realizing that she had been sleeping cuddled up next to me looking like every guy's all-American dream girl fantasy _all night_. And she still was.

My eyes wanted to shift everywhere and take her in. I started at her feet. I'd never seen them bare before. They were tiny and soft looking, pale and just... adorable. She didn't wear any polish on her toes, even though she sometimes wore something really pale and shimmery on her hands. She shifted a bit, tucking them up against my shins for warmth since I'd removed the sheet, I guessed.

The movement of her plaid coloured leg had my eyes shifting upwards. The pants weren't loose. They were made to fit so I could see the shape of her thigh above her knee, sloping up to the curve of her hip where my hand had come to rest lightly sometime after I peeled back the sheet.

"Oh, _wow_," I breathed. Her shirt had ridden up an inch or two in her sleep, exposing a creamy band of soft skin between her low slung pants and the hem of her shirt. I could see the beginning of the curve of her waist. I could see her small navel. But that wasn't what my eyes were trained on. They were locked on her _tattoo_.

It had been so long since I'd seen it. I'd almost forgotten that she had one. I'd only caught a glimpse of the top of it the night I'd met her. Up close it was _amazing_. Four deep black lines swooped from left to right, intertwining together, thickening and getting slimmer at various points as they did, to create vines of sorts, all connecting to a wide open flower with five wide petals bent outward and down. The petals were outlined in black, but shaded in almost the _exact_ same shade of bright blue as her eyes. It was delicate and bold all at the same time.

My fingers slid over the waistband of her pants until they hovered lightly over the lines of the vines. It wasn't big, maybe two and half or three inches wide and only an inch or so tall – but it was so simple, so graceful and so vivid that it kind of took my breath away.

My index finger registered a small bump right underneath the centre of the flower. Her skin wasn't as smooth there in that one, tiny spot about as wide and slender as a fingernail. But you couldn't see the small imperfection. It was completely covered by the black ink used for the small stems coming up from the centre of the flower. I ran the pad of my finger back and forth over the entire thing a couple of times, from the tip of the vines to the centre of the flower, trying to memorize the way it looked so I could ask her about it later, wondering what made my shy and somewhat reserved girl do something as daring as getting a tattoo. My finger paused at the top, rubbing absently over that uneven spot under the centre of the flower every time. I was in the middle of doing just that when her sleepy, whispered voice startled me out my thoughts.

"It covers a scar."

My eyes flew up to hers guiltily. I felt bad for waking her and even worse for ogling her in her sleep. I flattened my hand on her hip, covering her tattoo to give her privacy with it if she wanted it and looked her straight in her sleepy, half opened eyes to apologize.

"Sorry, Liv. I didn't mean to wake you," I whispered.

"It's ok," she murmured back sleepily. She glanced down at the hand resting on her hip then back up to my face. The hand she had resting over my heart shifted down and over to mine, picked it up and brought it between us in front of my chest again. "I don't mind."

I followed her brief glance back toward her tattoo then met her eyes again. "It's beautiful," I murmured.

"Thank you," she said shyly and ducked her head a bit, the same way she did any time I'd complimented her before. There was an extra bit of shyness and vulnerability in her gaze that told me that it was a bit more than the usual humble acceptance that she was expressing.

"You designed it?" I found myself whispering incredulously at the same time the thought hit me.

She smiled shyly and nodded slowly in confirmation.

"Wow," I breathed. I should have known. It was exactly her style; simple, understated and strikingly beautiful. Just like her.

My eyes wandered back to it and thought about what she'd said before, about it covering a scar. It was an odd place to have one. My finger slid back to where it was before and rubbed over the tiny sliver of a bump lightly.

_How did she manage to hurt herself on the back of the curve of her hip like that?_ I wondered absently.

"What's the scar from?" I asked quietly, curiously.

Her breath caught and she stiffened. My eyes flew back to hers, which were now wide open and sad – pained.

"It's the only scar I have from – from..."

My gut wrenched a bit as she trailed off. My palm flattened against her hip, holding the curve of her very gently. I felt my jaw tighten and my teeth grind together as I realized that it wasn't shaped kind of like a fingernail like I'd guessed before – it was shaped _exactly_ like a fingernail. With my hand curled around her hip the way it was, my fingers were in a good position to make the same kind of marks on her body in exactly the same spot, _if_ I had been holding on tightly enough.

_Bastard. That _fucking_ bastard._

"Jesus," I hissed quietly though a clenched jaw.

"Seth," she chastised softly.

I swallowed back the growl bubbling up from the centre of my chest to my throat before apologizing for saying what I did. I should have known that she'd be against me using Jesus' name as a curse. It wasn't something I believed in, so the expression slipped out before I could think to stop it.

We were both quiet for a moment while I digested what she'd just told me.

"It's a lotus flower," she murmured after a while. My eyes flickered back up to her beautiful bright blue ones. They were calmer now. The pain in them from her memories was gone. "It symbolizes life, or rebirth after a hard time. That's why I chose it."

"And the blue?" I asked, wondering if the colour meant anything.

"The blue lotus is supposed to represent victory... sort of. Over your senses," she whispered almost inaudibly with a small shrug. "I didn't choose the shade. The woman who did it said she wanted to match my eyes."

"It's perfect," I murmur, thinking about how right it seemed for her to cover that scar up with something that represents starting over... something that represents her strength to move on and get passed what happened, even with memories that haunted her.

"I thought so, too. I wanted something to cover the scar... and I love art... so I thought this would be the best way for me to do it."

I nodded. It made sense. Art was very important her. Why wouldn't she want to cover something on her body that only reminded her of her pain with something beautiful, something _she _created, instead of something he left on her?

I took a minute to look her over again briefly from head to toe. She was so tiny curled up beside me at half my weight and probably only two-thirds of my height. But she was stronger and braver than just about anyone I know. And in the bluish light of the early morning with her pale skin, soft curves and long hair draped over _our _pillow... she was beyond gorgeous.

"I love you, Liv," I whispered softly before slowly leaning forward and kissing the corner of her mouth.

I pulled away and smiled at her shy grin.

"I love you, too," she replied and shifted forward, craning her head up a bit until our lips met.

And then I'm pretty sure we melted. Right into each other. She was soft, and warm kissing me so slowly and sweetly that I shifted up on an elbow, leaned right into her and kissed her back. Her tiny little hands slid up my chest until one was on my collar and the other on my neck, her fingertips brushing gently against the nape. The hand that I had resting on her hip slipped around to her lower back, while the other was wedged between the mattress and her ribs. We kissed softly and then it deepened, kind of on its own, until it got to the point that my blood was racing in my veins, my arms held her a bit closer, tighter, and my fingers were itching to touch more of her smooth, soft, skin.

I pulled back and let our foreheads rest together while hoping to catch my breath and calm down a bit. What I wasn't counting on was the tiny, throaty _whimper_ that came from my girl's throat when I did. Or the slight increase of pressure I felt as her fingertips pressed into my neck, willing me not to back away. Or the way she whispered my name after she whimpered.

My breath caught and I froze.

We were kissing, which wasn't anything new for us, but we were lying on her bed, pressed almost right up against each other and my hand was up the back of her shirt.

_Holy shit! My hand's in her shirt._

I hadn't really realized it until that second.

"Are you ok?" I whispered, needing to know what that little whimper was all about.

"Yeah," she replied immediately. It was breathy.

_Hot damn. Breathy. It gets to me every time when she does that_. _Her voice, all caught up and trapped in her throat – for me, _because_ of me just... ung. Damn._

"You?" she asked after a brief moment.

I chuckled. Um, yeah. I was definitely ok. _Way_ better than ok, actually.

"Yeah," I whispered and kissed her cheek lightly, before nuzzling my nose in her long, soft hair. I mean, I was lying in bed with my girl, cuddling and kissing... what could be better than that, right? Apparently she agreed with me, because she still hadn't let me back away from her. But I was getting worked up, and it seemed like maybe she was, too.

"What do you want?" I breathed into her ear before kissing just below it. She shivered and I kissed her again before continuing. "Your call, Liv."

She inhaled and exhaled slowly, shakily and shook her head. "I... I don't know, Seth," she whispered.

I smiled into her neck at hearing her honest answer. "Okay," I whispered softly and kissed her neck one more time before pulling back to rest my head on the pillow beside hers. I smiled at her serious and doe-eyed expression. My girl was either stunned or a bit confused. But then she blinked, frowned and looked down with her eyebrows pinched together and I knew that she was disappointed too.

"Olivia," I whispered as I slowly slid my hand down and out of her shirt. I tipped her head back with a finger so that she'd look at me. Her eyes were sad and that made my mouth pull down into a frown of its own. "Talk to me, angel," I said quietly.

I needed to know what was going on in that gorgeous head of hers. She promised to let me know what she wanted, and I knew that she was honest with me when she told me that she didn't know, but I had no idea why she was upset. I didn't want to rush things with her. I wanted to go at her pace. I was game for whatever she wanted or didn't want – but she needed to tell me what she was thinking and how she was feeling.

_Did we do something that she wasn't ready for? Did I make her feel uncomfortable?_

I shivered at the thought of it, but tried my best to keep it inside. I didn't want to do that. Ever. Not ever.

She sighed and looked up at me plaintively. "I'm... frustrated again, Seth," she murmured, and then blushed very lightly, her cheeks staining with just the slightest shade of pink.

It was my turn to blink in shock. She'd only said that once before – and that was when she'd wanted more from me and didn't know how or what to ask for. Was that what she meant when she said 'I don't know'?

"Frustrated," I confirmed. She nodded, looking apologetic. "Like... before?" I asked just to be sure. She nodded again then hid her face behind the palm of one of her hands in embarrassment.

I huffed out a surprised breath and did my best to keep a shocked chuckle from rising up in my throat like it was threatening to. My girl was frustrated because she wanted _more. _So... if she knew that she wasn't ready to stop just yet, what was she feeling unsure of?

I kissed the back of her hand before gently pulling it away from her face. Her eyes, which had been closed since she covered her face, fluttered open to stare at me seriously.

"So what are you frustrated about?" I asked quietly, curiously.

"I'm not sure about what or howto... do any of this." she whispered. "But... I don't want to stop yet. Not if you don't."

I smiled a bit at her nervousness. She was letting herself get worked up over not knowing what to do, but she didn't have to be.

"It's okay, Liv," I whispered. And it was. I knew what she was saying. She was shy and inexperienced and didn't want to make a move in case she made a mistake... which left the move-making up to me. And I was ok with that, as long as she wasn't going to feel pressured for anything.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, doing my best to stay calm and wrangle in my own hormones before letting her in on an idea I'd had in my head about this sort of thing for the last little while. I'd spent some time wondering how to approach being with her like this without it being too much for her. I knew from before that she felt like she wasn't experienced enough to take the lead, and to be honest, I'd never really expected her to. It wasn't in her personality. She rarely took the lead in anything. But I did know from the time we spent on the big chair in her living room kissing and cuddling, then touching, that she was definitely ok with letting me know where her boundaries were when I was taking the lead. And that was really all we needed.

"Would you be ok if I showed you what _I _wanted to do and you tell me whether or not it's okay?" I asked slowly.

Her eyes widened a bit and she took a deep and shaky breath. I saw the nerves there, in the troubled blue of her eyes, in the way her brows pinched together a bit, in the way her lips parted but nothing came out because she was unsure of what to say. And I got it. I really, really did. The last guy to show her what he wanted took advantage of her, used her and hurt her.

But I wasn't him. And I was never going to be.

All I wanted to do was love her.

She needed to know that.

"It's about love, Olivia," I murmured. "It should only, ever be about that. I know that couldn't be farther from what happened to you. But this time, _you're_ completely in charge – not me. If you don't like something all you have to do is tell me and I'll stop. And if you do like something, you can tell me that, too... and I won't stop, if you don't want me to." I paused and leaned forward just a bit to run my nose over and around hers lightly, then brushed our lips together a bit before finishing. I pulled back and made sure to look her straight in the eye so that, hopefully, she could see how serious I was about what I was going to say. "I don't want to use you or hurt you. I just want to show you how much I love you."

The nervousness seemed to melt right out of her expression and was replaced with something soft and sweet... something I'd never seen in her before. Her eyes went from cloudy to bright, her forehead smoothed out and her lips pressed together, almost like she was biting them from the inside.

"I like the sound of that, Seth," she murmured.

"Yeah?" I breathed, feeling a bit of wonder and more than a little pride at the fact that she seemed to want to trust me enough to do this.

She nodded, took a deep breath, and then surprised me by snuggling closer to me, pressing right up against me from head to toe – or in our case, head to chin – and kissed the corner of my jaw.

"Thank you," she whispered quietly.

I chuckled and shook my head, then leaned down to kiss the corner of her jaw in return. "Are you really thanking me for wanting to make out with my girl a little bit?" I asked and chuckled softly again, at her small gasp. A second later she was chuckling almost silently next to me. I was almost relieved to hear it. I didn't want things to be serious and heavy with us when it came being together like this. I knew that it would be better if it was a bit fun. I wanted her to know that too.

"Well, no," she whispered, still chuckling a bit. "Not when you put it that way."

"Mmmm," I hummed in agreement. I lightly kissed her jaw again, then moved lower to kiss her neck, letting my lips open up and slide over her soft skin there slowly as they closed. "Good," I murmured. I slouched down a bit next to her and let my body slide along hers as I did. I went slowly, sliding my hand back into position on her back beneath her shirt where it was before, and didn't stop until my lips were at roughly the same height as her collar bone.

She gasped a little under her breath as our bodies slid together. I knew it was because she felt it, felt _me_. There was no way she wouldn't with the way we were pressed together. I was still a little hard from before, but I didn't want to hide it from her. She should know that I wanted her, but that I was happy to go slow and do little things with her - like kiss her collar bone and memorize the feeling of the soft skin of her lower back against my fingertips, just like I was now – and nothing else.

"Oh," she breathed out softly. I let it sit out there, and didn't acknowledge that she noticed that she turned me on. I wanted her to digest it on her own – to be aware of it and know that I loved her enough to respect her at the same time.

I kissed my way over her collar bone from one side to the other, as I let my hand move in slow circles over her lower back. Her skin was incredibly soft and I loved the way her tiny body felt under my hands. Her bones were smaller, more delicate, but as I slid my hand over to the where her waist met her hip I was rewarded with soft curves and valleys that were all woman.

"This okay?" I murmured as I let my hand slide upward a bit, ghosting gently over her ribs.

She shuddered out a small, shaky breath, but her answer was clear and sure. "Yes."

And there it was. She was breathy again.

_Oh yeah. I definitely like that. _

I felt her hands, which had been resting up against my stomach, begin to wander around. She flattened them out on my chest and let one slide up to rest over my heart, while the other made its way over to my arm. She ran her fingertips up and down on my bicep over the muscles there as they moved, while my hand trailed up and down over her ribs and my lips nipped very lightly at the skin on her neck.

I kissed my way back up to her ear at the same time as I let my hand wander up a bit more until my fingertips were just below where I knew her chest would be. I huffed out a small breath of my own, knowing how close I was to touching her there. She'd been ok with it before, but I wanted to be sure...

"What about this?" I murmured. My voice came out a bit gravelly, but what was a guy to do about that when he was all pressed up against the most amazing girl he'd ever seen and she was letting his hand wander around under her shirt?

She let out another shaky breath, turned her head a bit and placed a very soft kiss on the corner of my jaw, just below my ear. Her breath fanned over the spot after she pulled back, just a millimetre or two. It was warm and sweet and ran over my skin like a sexy little breeze.

_Mmmm. Oh God_. _I like that, too. A lot._

"Okay," she breathed, and it was barely audible, but to me it almost sounded like she shouted it. With her using that breathy voice, and with my hands on her skin, hers on mine, our bodies pressed up together, connected, even if we were covered in clothes... I was getting ridiculously turned on.

Because it was _her _voice, _her _skin, _her_ body I was touching. It was intense because it was _her_.

I felt my blood race. The warm light that she always made run through my body brightened. And I wanted her to feel it too. I wanted to touch her and kiss her until she was floating in warmth, just like she always made me feel

So without another thought I shifted a bit to her lips, captured her soft, plump, bottom one between mine, just barely pressing them around each other, and traced my fingertips over the bottom of the swell just above them.

She gasped a bit, and so did I.

"Oh God," I mumbled around her lips. I came in contact with smooth, soft skin. There was nothing underneath that tank top but her... and me.

_Holy. Shit. _

She was warm there and so incredibly soft. And I instantly wanted to touch more, feel more of her, hold the weight of her there in my hand...

"Liv... you sure?" I managed to croak out.

She nodded against me. No hesitation. No uncertainty. She was okay with it...

If she was okay with it, so was I.

_God, who am I kidding? I'm not just okay with it. I _want _this._

_But..._

_Slowly, Seth, _I reminded myself. This wasn't something I wanted to rush. And it would be better for her if I didn't.

I kissed her softly, letting our lips slide together and flicked just the tip of her sweet tongue gently with mine. My fingertips brushed softly over the bottom of her warm, soft curve and then swept slowly over the side. She shivered and sucked in a slow, stuttered breath around my mouth while we kissed. At the same time, my thumb swept over to where my fingers had been just seconds before.

Her ragged stuttering breath changed into the softest, quietest shallow pants as my thumb swept over and around the entire under side of that perfect curve.

_Oh, wow_.

I suddenly found my own breath speeding up a bit to match hers. I'd done this before. I'd touched a girl's body before. In more places than I was touching right now. But it was nothing like this. This was a completely new experience for me, too. Before, it had been a bit awkward and fumbled. We were both completely inexperienced and just kind of muddled through it, testing things out, experimenting, getting to know each other's body's and our own a bit. It was fun, and exciting, and it felt good, but _this_... this was _more._..

This skin, this girl, I was _made_ to love her like this.

It was in the way she fit perfectly in the curve of my hand. In the way my thumb could reach just the right part of her like this. If I'd flattened it and stretched up just a centimetre more, I'd have been brushing over that sensitive bud right where she needed me to be. It was in the way our bodies had somehow glued themselves together over the last few seconds, hip to hip, legs entwined, lips together, arms and hands touching, holding on...

There was nothing awkward about it. This didn't feel like learning or exploring to me at all. This was all about love. About me showing her how incredible she was to me. It was like we just... fit. And before I knew it, as naturally as can be, I was sweeping my thumb back, stretching it all the way, and rolling over and around the hard peak of her... because that's what she needed, and I was the one she needed it from.

"Seth," she gasped the second my thumb reached her peak.

_Ung. Oh God. My name. That breathy voice. _

_Hot damn. That is, hands down, the sexiest thing I've ever heard._

I was hard before. After hearing her gasp my name in that fuck-hot, sexy, breathy voice of hers, I was _throbbing _for her.

Her mouth left mine.

Her head dropped back to the pillow as I swirled my thumb around and over again.

I glanced down to watch her, see her expression. Her eyes were already open and trained on my face. Bright, hot blue peeked up at me through her thick black lashes. _My_ blue, but this time, it was scorching. The apples of her cheeks were flushed with just the softest shade of pink that I could just see in the early morning light that was beginning to stream through her window. And her smooth, plump, pouty pink lips were propped open in a tiny 'o'.

She was so adorably surprised and aroused all at the same time. For me.

For _me_.

"Do you like that?" I whispered huskily, wanting to make sure that the surprise in her expression was a good thing.

Her eyes fluttered closed in a stuttered blink.

"Yes," she breathed softly, raggedly.

_Oh fuck._

That voice. That breathy, hot as hell 'yes' was like a shot of lust, love and light that ran straight from her mouth to my heart, sped through my veins and made me harder for her – again. If I was throbbing before I was aching now.

I loved that 'yes'. I wanted to hear that sexy little 'yes' a million times over, in a million different places, from doing a million different things. I could spend a lifetime doing nothing else but earning those 'yes's' and die a happy man.

"Do you...?" she breathed again.

I huffed out a breath.

"You have no idea," I choked out, cursing the fact that all of the blood seemed to have left my brain and gravitated toward my dick, making me choke out a strangled response to her question instead of breathing something somewhat sexy back to her. But I couldn't help it. Did I _like_ it? _Like_ was an understatement. This had to be the hottest, most intense trip to second base any guy had ever had. I had a feeling it was because I was going so slowly and concentrating on the feel of her under my fingers and making her feel good by easing her into it.

"Seth... I..." she whispered, then stopped huffed out a breath, eyelids fluttering closed as my thumb swept over her again. I leaned down and kissed her neck which was arched to the side so her head could rest on the pillow.

She shuddered and gasped, "Ohh..."

_Holy mother of all things sexy. That was almost a moan. A sexy, breathy, almost silent but completely fuck-hot _moan_._

I think I hummed. Or maybe that was her. I wasn't sure. I was too focused on the tiny tremor that the shudder sent down the entire length of her body against mine. And that almost moan.

She shifted closer. Her little hand, which had been gripping and sliding over my bicep this entire time, slipped up and under the sleeve of my shirt to my shoulder. She pulled me closer with just the tiniest bit of pressure and I took that as a silent invitation for more.

It was hard to be as careful as I wanted to because my hands shook a little with the force of what I was feeling. I'd never been so completely turned on and tuned in to another person before. But I did my best as I continued to kiss the sweet spots on her neck and reached forward slowly and cup her in my palm while sliding my other hand from its spot between the mattress and her ribs to her back and pulled her closer to me, officially getting rid of any small space between my upper body and hers.

Everything changed at that moment. She gasped again and really did moan out a surprised and breathy 'oh'. Her tiny fingers gripped my shoulder and pulled me into her while the other hand fisted itself in the collar of my shirt where it had inevitably wound up. But that wasn't what changed everything and made my hair stand on end, my body and blood stand at attention in every single one of the best possible ways you could think of.

Nope. It was what she did next.

She rolled her hips - she didn't jerk up or buck them in surprise – she _rolled_ them in a perfect sideways arc, into mine.

Not to mention that with the way our legs were entwined the heat of her rubbed on me right fucking _there_.

And at the very same time that I inhaled to try and trap a groan in my throat, a soft, sweet scent flooded my mind, and dulled my senses to absolutely everything else in my world but her.

Have you ever caught the scent of fresh, rich hot chocolate on a breeze? Add that to a whole lot of the tangy, rich, syrupy scent of a fresh cherry and _that _was what the scent of my girl was like to me like this, when she was turned on... _wet_... for me.

That's when I knew it was too much. Not for her, but for me. Her soft skin under my fingertips, her prefect curves in the palm of my hand, her breathy noises, that seductive and instinctual roll of her hips that told me that if and when we ever decided to roll together, we'd be fucking _perfect_... And then there was the scent of her desire, the complete opposite of what her mouth tasted like – more chocolate covered cherry than cherry flavoured chocolate...

It rocked me to my core. It was enough for me to know that I could get completely lost in her.

But this wasn't about me so much. Not this time.

This was about me showing her how much I loved and respected her, and that meant that it was time to stop, before the hormonal motherfucker in me got selfish and decided to take some pleasure for himself.

I _wanted _to get lost in her.

But only if she was ready to get lost in me.

Because when it was time for losing ourselves in each other, we'd be getting lost _together_.

I slowly leaned back, let my hand slip down and out of her shirt, slid it to her back with my other one and pulled her to my chest in a hug. My face was buried in the crook of her neck.

We stayed just like that for a while, not talking, just holding on to each other as our breathing even out. I don't know how long we laid there like that, but it was almost long enough for my body to calm down and I was definitely back to my senses, just enjoying a little time snuggling with my girl in the early morning.

"Seth?" she murmured after a while.

"Yeah?"

"You didn't eat last night. Are you hungry?"

At the mention of food my stomach rumbled loudly, answering the question before I could.

She giggled a bit while I rolled my eyes at my impatient stomach. My mom and my sister always told me that I'd never starve because when I was hungry people could hear my stomach growling all the way to Forks, and someone was bound to take pity on me and feed me.

"Do you like waffles?" she asked softly.

"Sure," I replied. "But I don't remember seeing any in the freezer the last time I was here."

She giggled again and I could feel her shaking her head as her hair brushed against my temple.

"I don't buy them. I make them."

"Really?" I asked letting my head dart up from her neck to check her expression and see if she was serious. I don't know why I did that. It wasn't like she'd ever lied to me about anything. But homemade waffles were serious business to me. I hadn't had any since my dad's mom passed away when I was six. She used to make them as part of a big brunch on Sunday mornings when we would go and visit. My mom didn't have a recipe or a waffle iron, I couldn't cook a meal to save my life and Leah wasn't very domesticated, so the tradition sort of died with her when she passed.

Olivia smiled brightly and nodded.

"Can I help?" I asked as I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed.

"Can you get the waffle iron down from the cabinet over the stove while I freshen up?"

I nodded and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to the kitchen while she made her way to the bathroom.

I smiled as I grabbed the waffle iron, thinking that if this was what mornings with my girl were going to be like, I could get lost in this, too. It was simple, nice, quiet... just _easy_ with me and her.

I grabbed the plates, cups and utensils we'd need to eat and set the table while I waited for her to return. We chatted quietly about the day's upcoming classes while she threw together the batter, and by the time she was pouring the mix into the iron I was wrapped around her again, hugging her from behind and kissing her neck as she did it.

_Yeah, a guy could definitely get used to this._

* * *

**I have a migraine and can't think of anything even halfway productive or clever to put down here. So I'll just leave it up to you, my lovely readers, to dazzle me with your feelings and reflections on the chapter, as per usual.**

**Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? ****I welcome them all.**

**:-)**

**Until next time.**

**~Hitchy**


	22. Laws of Attraction

**Hi everyone! I've got nothing really important to say up here, except to acknowledge my errors. **

**_Shepeppy _has not had an opportunity to work her magic on this one, so I own all of the mistakes. **

**No chapter song this time around, either.**

**SM owns Twilight. I write the laws of attraction in this fic.  
**

* * *

**OPOV**

I sighed and frowned at the page in front of me, then glanced down at my phone to check the time. Twenty minutes. That was how long I'd been working on the calculus question in front of me, and I honestly didn't feel like I was any further along than when I started. I read it again.

_Find the dimensions of the rectangle of maximum area that can be inscribed in a semicircle of radius r, if two vertices lie on the diameter._

My brain was swimming with thoughts of functions, derivatives, slopes and values… but none of it was coming together to form anything that could be used as an answer to this question. My notes were spread out on the coffee table in front of me and my pages were covered in scribbles, eraser marks and, yes, even a doodle or two that I'd absentmindedly drawn when I was thinking about what to do next. I rested my head in my hands, elbows on my knees, and stared at the 'hint' in the textbook next to the question in frustration.

_HINT: To determine maximum area, you must first write a function that represents the area of the rectangle then find its maximum._

Honestly… I couldn't even figure out what that _meant_. The hint hadn't even addressed the semicircle in the question. Was it not important, or was I just missing the obvious again? I was beyond frustrated. Our assignment was due in a couple of hours and I had been working at it slowly, question by question, for over a week. It was the first assignment I was trying to complete on my own without Seth's help, and I thought I was doing pretty well. Or I at least I _had_ been doing pretty well. I managed to complete all of the other questions on my own, using my notes and the textbook – except for this last one.

I glanced around Seth's small apartment and listened to the sounds of him getting ready in the bathroom. He'd just finished his shower and was brushing his teeth. I smiled, thinking about how proud he'd been when I told him the night before that I'd finished almost the entire assignment on my own and only had the last question to do. We'd taken the night off from studying to celebrate my small victory and spent it here, at Seth's place. I made tacos and Seth tried to teach my how to play poker. We'd had so much fun, just sitting on the very same rug I was on now, playing hand after hand. Seth won most of them, sighting my honest expression as his ticket to success every time. Apparently I didn't have much have a poker face. I did manage to sneak a couple of wins by him, even though it was pretty tough to beat him.

We didn't gamble for money, we played for kisses. For every hand won, the winner got to kiss the loser however and wherever they wanted to.

I may have selfishly lost a hand or two on purpose. Seth has a very good imagination…

_Yes, he's very… creative, _my subconscious offered with a smirk as I thought about sweet kisses in the crooks of my elbows, on both sides of my wrists, my palms, my shoulders, on the back of my neck and my personal favourite… on the left side of my chest, near the centre, right above my heart.

Okay… I definitely threw a round or two. But I'd like to think that the few that I _did_ win made up for any selfishness on my part. The shocked expression on Seth's face when I returned the favour of kissing his chest over his heart, _after_ I'd shyly slid his shirt up so I could press my lips to his warm skin, getting as close to his beautiful heart as possible, was priceless. I smiled and shook my head at my own unashamed boldness when I remembered the way his jaw dropped and the warm spark in his eye when I lifted my gaze to meet his, just as my lips grazed his chest…

"Almost done?" Seth asked. I heard the bathroom door swing open behind me and I groaned softly under my breath, remembering the calculus problem in front of me.

Seth chuckled as he approached where I was sitting. "That doesn't sound very good," he replied in response to my groan.

"It's not," I muttered. "I'm completely stuck."

"Need some help?" he asked as he slid down on the carpet behind me, bending his long jean clad legs up beside mine. I sighed and leaned back into his chest, ready to admit defeat. I'd wanted to do the entire thing on my own. I wanted to show him how much he'd helped me by being my tutor over the last seven weeks by completing this myself, since I was pretty sure that without having him as a tutor, I wouldn't have been able to complete any of the questions on the assignment on my own. But that just didn't look like it was going to be in the cards for me. Not with this assignment, anyway.

"Yeah," I replied sadly. "I just don't even know where to start with this one," I admitted half-heartedly. This question was really taking the wind out of my sails.

Seth wrapped his arms around me from behind, squeezing me gently through the t-shirt I'd borrowed from him to sleep in the night before. I hadn't been planning on staying over, but we'd gotten carried away with poker and didn't realize the time until it was well past midnight, so when Seth asked if I'd stay, I accepted. He loaned me pair of his boxer shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in which were incredibly comfortable, despite how big they were on me. I had to roll the shorts a couple of times at the waist to keep them from slipping down, and the t-shirt hung down close to my knees, almost covering the shorts altogether, but they were soft and worn and smelled exactly like Seth, so I loved wearing them.

"Okay," he said quietly, "let's see what you've got."

"It's not much," I murmured as I showed him my well used and worn page. I'd managed to use the Pythagorean Theorem to solve for _y_… but that was about it. And I knew that the question was a lot more complicated than that.

"That's a good start," he said after looking over what I had. "So where do we go from here?" he asked quietly, prompting me to share my thoughts about what to do next, like he always did. He said that he liked to know how I was approaching the questions first to get an idea of what I could do on my own before offering suggestions, which usually worked. It wouldn't this time, though, because I didn't have a clue.

"That's the problem I'm having with this one, Seth. I'm drawing a complete blank."

"Hmm," he hummed. I watched his profile as brow furrowed. We'd never run into this problem before. I wasn't strong in math by any means, but I usually knew enough to have a solid grasp of the question and an _idea_ of how to answer it. I mostly had trouble with multiple step questions because I could never seem to figure out what order to do things in to arrive at the correct answer. Figuring out the equations themselves was actually fairly easy, especially after Seth taught me about the order of operations and BEDMAS, but I always seemed to have a hard time putting each step together in the right sequence… I didn't know which equation to use first and which solution to use for each step of the problem.

Seth's eyes darted all over my page curiously, before landing on the doodles off to the side. I frowned apologetically. "I doodle when I'm thinking. It helps sometimes," I explained.

"I know," he said, nodding his head slowly, "I've seen you do it before."

"Oh," I replied softly. I hadn't realized that he'd noticed my doodles before. I'd never done it during one of our study sessions. The only other time he might have seen me do it was during our math seminars or a lecture when Professor Jordan or our TA, Rochelle, asked us to solve a problem during a lecture or a seminar.

"Maybe that's the problem, Liv," he said slowly.

My frown deepened as I felt a pang of guilt and hurt at the fact the he'd called me out for doodling instead of focusing on my work. It was something my father and various teachers of mine had scolded me for repeatedly over the years. I knew it wasn't exactly productive, but my mind always seemed to function best when drawing. It helped me clarify things and put them in perspective. No one seemed to understand that about me. They simply assumed that since my hand was busy doodling, my mind was off of my work, when it was really the opposite that was true. Unfortunately it looked like I could include Seth in that category as well.

"I'm sorry, Seth," I said quietly. "I really was trying. It just… it helps me think. I…" I sighed and shook my head. I didn't really know how to explain it. My mind just seemed to work better that way.

"What? Hey, no," he said softly, shaking his head. "That's not what I meant. I know it helps you think. You always seem to do better when you're making pictures." He leaned down and brushed his lips along the corner of my mouth, then waited for me to turn and look him in the eye. "That was my point, Liv," he said sincerely after I looked up at him. "Maybe you need to _see _it before you try to solve it."

I felt my own brows scrunch together a bit in confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

He shook his head again. "I can't believe I didn't think of this before," he muttered, almost like he was talking to himself. Then he smiled and held out my pencil to me. "Why don't you draw it?"

"Draw it?"

"Yeah. Draw the question," he prompted. "Do the _x _and _y _axis first and then we'll plot the circle." He raised his eyebrows at me expectantly while I thought about what he said. Professor Jordan often drew a diagram of what she was explaining in class to give us a visual of whatever she was demonstrating. It sounded like Seth was asking me to do the same thing with this question.

"Like in class? The way Professor Jordan does it?"

He nodded and smiled a bit.

"Okay," I whispered, turning back toward my book. I took my ruler out and started by drawing axes first. Then, after reading the question and figuring out that a _semi-_circle was what the question was referring to, I drew an entire circle, divided completely in half by the _x_ axis. "Is that what you meant?" I murmured to Seth when I was done.

"Exactly," he said while eyeing my page. "So… all that's left to do now is draw your rectangle on one side."

I nodded and did what he said, remembering to make the rectangle as big as I could within the semi-circle since the question asked for maximum area. That meant I had to cover as much space with that rectangle as possible.

"Perfect," Seth whispered. He brushed my hair aside and kissed my neck softly. "Now… can you draw what you were doing when you solved for _y_?" he breathed and skimmed his nose along my neck as he spoke.

I shivered and closed my eyes as I thought about what I was doing when I completed that equation. A moment later I opened and was drawing a line from zero (or the origin, as our professor constantly referred to it as) to the upper right corner of the rectangle.

I felt Seth smile into my neck when I did.

"Good," he murmured, and then kissed me right below my ear. "Now you can label it."

I did as he said and labeled all of the lines I'd drawn… and then gasped when I realized what I could do with what I saw.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "I can use this to solve for _x_ and that will help me calculate the area…" I said, running my finger across the base of the rectangle.

I felt rather than hear Seth chuckle behind me. "That was quick," he mumbled happily. "You got it, sweetheart," he said with just a hint of pride in his voice.

I smiled warmly at his praise. He was right. It _was_ quick. I hadn't realized how much more sense this would make to me if I would just draw it out and look at a diagram of what I was actually trying to solve with all of these equations.

I set to work right away building my equation for area based on what I saw then doing the required derivatives, only getting stuck once more, briefly. Seth referred me back to the diagram and drew an arc with his finger to show what I was doing with my current equation and it was clear to see, by looking at what he'd drawn, that it wouldn't work.

_Of course, _r _can't equal _x_, Olivia, _I thought as I looked at what Seth drew. _Look at_ x. _It's zero and you can't divide by zero._

So I decided to switch strategies and earned another soft, open-mouthed kiss on my neck by Seth for choosing correctly and working it out on my own. Before I knew it, only five minutes later, I was penciling in what I thought was my final answer.

"Is that it?" I breathed when I was done. "Did I get it?"

"I sure hope so," he said while giving me a squeeze around the waist. "Your answer's the same as mine."

I huffed out a surprised and happy laugh. That was a lot easier and a lot less painful that I thought it would be. All because of Seth, how patient he was with me, and how he just _got_ how I saw things. I shifted around so I that I was facing him, planted my knees on the floor, threw my arms around his neck and kissed him through my smile.

"Thank you, Seth," I mumbled gratefully into his lips, then kissed him again while he chuckled at my enthusiasm and hugged me to his chest.

"You're more than welcome," he mumbled back, "especially if you're going to thank me like this."

I flushed and pulled back a bit with a shy smile. I hadn't realized it at the time, but I'd sort of attacked him with my thanks. I was kneeling between his legs and hugging him so tightly that he's actually leaned back a bit with the force of it.

"Sorry," I whispered while shaking my head at myself in embarrassment.

He laughed and pulled me back towards him, burying his face in my neck as he did.

"Don't worry. You have permission to tackle me anytime you want," he chuckled into my neck, before kissing it sweetly. I huffed out a surprised and nervous giggle at the suggestive tone in his voice, which immediately turned into an all out laugh when I pulled back to look at him and caught him raising his eyebrows in a very exaggerated and suggestive way. His dark eyes sparkled with humor and mischief.

"You ready to head home?" he asked after a giving me a moment to calm down from my fit of laughter.

I nodded and rose to my feet while he did the same. We had class in an hour and a half and were supposed to meet Jake and Nessie at Spikes to grab a quick breakfast before it began. I headed off to the bathroom to change into my clothes from the night before. When I was done I saw that Seth had packed my books in my messenger bag for me and had made the bed.

"What time are we supposed to meet with Jake and Nessie?" I asked as I slipped on my shoes.

"In about half an hour. Is that enough time for you, or do you want me to call them and tell them we can't make it?" he asked as we grabbed our bags and headed up the stairs.

"No, that's fine. I can manage."

He smiled at me and opened the door to his apartment. "After you," he said with a sweet smile.

Once we reached my apartment I took a quick shower and dressed, not bothering to dry my hair for a change to save some time. Leaving my hair wet was something I rarely did because when I left it to dry on its own it took forever. I had long hair and it was quite thick, so I was prepared for it to be wet and, unfortunately, a little bit stringy for most of the day. It was late October, which meant that it was fairly cold in Alaska. The high for the day was somewhere just above freezing, but the wind had a bite to it that dropped the temperature a few degrees all on its own. In light of the cold I decided to wear layers, pairing my black skinny jeans with a white, fitted long sleeve jersey shirt, my light-weight bright blue hooded sweatshirt and a white puffy vest.

"Ready," I announced quietly as I made my way into the living room where Seth was watching the sports channel while waiting for me.

Seth turned the television off and set the remote down with a concerned smile. "You're leaving your hair wet? Aren't you going to get cold?"

"I'll be ok as long as I'm not out in the wind too long," I replied, feeling touched by his concern. I only had to walk from the café to the main building on campus because Seth was going to drive us to Spikes in his car to save time. "I wore my vest, too, just in case."

He smiled and wrapped my hand in his as I slung my messenger bag over my shoulder.

"I can see that," he said while eyeing my vest with a small smirk playing at the corner of his mouth.

"What?" I asked shyly.

"I've never seen you in a vest before. You're so tiny and it's so puffy. You look… cute… in it," he said with a shrug, letting the smirk slide up and widen a bit.

_Cute?_

"Oh," I replied softly. "Um, thank you."

I wasn't quite sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but the twinkle in his eye and the way he squeezed my hand as I closed and locked up the door behind us made me think that he meant it as a compliment. It wasn't unusual for me to be referred to that way. Some people found my stature to be somewhat endearing. I knew that the puffy vest was a little overwhelming on my frame and that was why I didn't wear it very often. But it kept me warm and it fit well over my sweater without me having to bother with a bulky coat. Being around Seth, Jake and Nessie always left me feeling a little weighed down with bulky layers of clothing. I needed them a lot more than any of them did. So if the puffy vest made me look 'cute' to Seth then I guessed it was a good thing, because it kept me warm.

We got to Spikes with a few minutes to spare. Jake and Nessie hadn't made it yet. We ordered our breakfast, a Peppermint tea and a muffin for me and a coffee and a couple of bagels for Seth and were just getting settled in a booth near the back when Seth looked up toward the door. I'd gotten used to him being able to sense things a bit before I did and figured that Jake and Nessie had arrived.

"Holy…" he breathed slowly. I looked up to find him gaping over my shoulder in the direction of the door.

"Hey guys," Nessie called at the same time. I smiled and turned around to face her and say hello, but felt my smile falter and fall when I realized what Seth had been gaping at. My breath caught in my throat and I was sure that my responding 'hi' sounded pretty weak. "I hope you don't mind, but I asked Amber to join us when we were out shopping together last night," she continued as she approached our table with Amber in tow.

I was momentarily too stunned to reply.

"Um, no!" Seth said quickly, seeming to recover himself from gaping for the moment. "No, that's great, Ness," he rushed out. "Um, hey, Amber," he breathed quietly at the end as they stopped a couple of feet away from where we were standing.

And at that very moment, several things became abundantly clear to me.

The first was that Nessie had obviously decided to take some of Amber's fashion advice. She was normally dressed in jeans and t-shirt, something like I had worn for the day, but today both she and Amber had donned short skirts that were cut up to about mid-thigh. Nessie was wearing black tights under her charcoal grey one with a pair of ankle boots and Amber had opted to wear her black skirt with just a pair of knee high black boots, exposing several inches of her long, perfectly sculpted legs between the two. Nessie didn't need to make the extra effort. She had long, long legs that were just the right shape, just the right amount of lean muscle to garner a lot of appreciative attention without having to show off her skin. She was the kind of girl short skirts were made for.

The second was that puffy vests could look very different on a longer, curvier frame than mine. Nessie and Amber were both wearing slimmer black vests that skimmed their upper-halves and showed off the curves of their waists and chests, unlike mine which were all but hidden under the bulk of my fluffier one. Amber's chest stood out even more with the zipper half way undone and a bright red shirt underneath it with a neckline that dipped almost as low as the vest was open. Nessie was a little more conservative, choosing to undo her vest all the way, wearing a light green, formfitting jersey shirt underneath it.

The third thing that became abundantly clear to me was that with their formfitting outfits, Nessie's long flowing copper hair and Amber chic blonde locks and their natural beauty, they both looked _very_ attractive – and that _I_ hadn't been the only one to notice. Seth was practically gawking at them as they walked in the door. He gaped and was even tongue-tied for a moment or two as he took them in.

And that led to my fourth and final realization. I had definitely changed my verdict on whether or not 'cute' was what I wanted Seth to think when he looked at me. No… I didn't want to be 'cute' at all…

_But you _are_, so… _my subconscious volunteered sadly, hesitantly. _Especially next to these two. _

"Um, I'm just going to go help Jake carry your order," Seth mumbled quickly. He spared a brief glance at me, before his still-wide eyes shifted back towards Nessie and Amber. "I'll be right back."

My heart sank in my chest, and I suddenly found myself wishing that my vest was large enough to swallow me whole. He'd barely looked at me and didn't even bother setting down his coffee before he left. It was painfully and embarrassingly obvious to me that he must have been too flustered to notice.

"Did you finish the math assignment, Olivia?" Amber asked casually as we waited for the boys to return with the food. She was in the same class with Seth, Jake and I. Nessie was the only one not taking it with us.

"Um, yeah," I mumbled absently as I watched Seth out of the corner of my eye. He had approached Jake and was having a semi-private conversation with him of sorts. They were both leaning in to talk to each other and casting glances back in this direction, at Nessie and Amber, at the same time. They weren't the only ones. There were a couple of other guys in café who stopped what they were doing to glance at the two girls in front of me and talk them up with their friends. None of them glanced in my direction. Not even for a split second. Normally I would have been more than okay with that… except that Seth hadn't either.

_This is what you get for pretending to be invisible to the world, Olivia, _my subconscious reminded me while shaking her head slowly and sadly at me.

It was true. I had spent the better part of the last four years of my life doing as much as I could to go unnoticed. But now there was someone that I wanted to notice me… and he did. But he thought I was cute. Not gape-worthy or attractive. Just… cute. I guess what bothered me the most was that when I considered myself in comparison with them, I agreed with him. I was definitely closer to cute than attractive.

I didn't want to be, though. Not to Seth, anyway. But I knew there really wasn't much to be done about it. I was barely five feet tall and at almost nineteen years old, that wasn't going to change. My less curvy, size four frame and very average sized chest weren't likely to change much either. And if I could ever muster up the courage to wear a short, fitted skirt like they both had, I would never, ever be the girl with legs that went on for miles like Amber's and particularly Nessie's did. My legs were toned from running at the gym, but they were petite, just like the rest of me. Not gawk-worthy… again just… cute.

Jake and Seth returned and slid into the booth beside each other, leaving us girls to the other bench seat. I waited until the other two were seated, with Nessie by the window and Amber in the middle, before settling down on the end of the seat near the aisle.

"Sooo," Amber said somewhat excitedly after everyone got settled, "what do you think? Nessie asked for some help picking out a few things last night. Doesn't she look great?" She glances around the table quickly trying to catch each of our eyes in the process while waiting for us to answer.

Nessie flushed a little at Amber's praise and fidgeted with her coffee cup.

"I don't know, Amber," Nessie said quietly with a shy smile. "It's not much." She shrugged as if she hadn't gone from looking like a pretty, natural young college co-ed to a knock-out that could easily pass for someone in their third or fourth year over night. It wasn't just the clothes that were different. She'd taken the time to style her hair a bit and apply some make-up, too, which I'd never seen her do before. She hadn't needed it in my opinion, she was very pretty without it, but then with it… she was beautiful on a whole different level. Something much more mature and a bit sophisticated.

_Maybe that's what I'm missing… _I wondered. Make-up was something I applied regularly, but I used very little of it. Just some light cover up to even out my skin, some black mascara and a bit of lip gloss and I was ready to go.

_Maybe it's not enough? _For as long as I could remember people had been telling me that I should do something to accentuate my eyes. Seth said he loved my eyes. Would he like it if I did that…?

"Don't kid yourself, Ness," Seth said with a small smile. "You look good."

"See, I told you the guys would love it," Amber said while smirking knowingly at Nessie. "She looks great, right Jake?"

Jacob, who had been uncharacteristically quiet up until that point nodded at his coffee cup, which he had been spinning slowly under his hand. He glanced up quickly and looked both Amber and Nessie in the eye briefly. "Yeah, of course. Green's always been a good colour for you, Nessie," he said casually, as if that were the only thing he'd noticed about what she wore today. He shrugged and smiled a bit before taking a large bite of his bagel while out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nessie's shoulders and facial expression fall a bit in disappointment.

My heart went out to her when I saw that. It was obvious to me that she had been looking to catch Jacob's eye with her new look, but he seemed sort of oblivious to it. It reminded me a lot if how I was feeling at the moment.

"You look beautiful, Nessie," I said quietly, hoping to boost her spirits a bit.

She glanced up at me and smiled behind her coffee cup while taking a sip. "Thanks, Olivia," she murmured after she'd swallowed.

"You too, Amber," I said right afterwards, not wanting her to feel like she looked any less beautiful than Nessie. She didn't, really, but Amber had to put in a lot more effort to achieve the look than Nessie did.

"You think? I was wondering if anyone would notice that I changed my hair," she asked glancing toward me, than Jacob and Seth in turn.

Jake nodded and took another bite of his bagel without looking up at her, while Seth's eyes glanced over to Jake, then Nessie and finally landed on Amber's.

"Yeah. You uh… you both look really pretty today," he said. "And I'm sure there isn't a guy in the place who hasn't noticed," he added quietly.

Amber's light green eyes lit up like the fourth of July with that compliment, while Nessie looked around briefly as if she'd just realized that there were other people there looking at her before glancing at Jake who was still casually focused on his breakfast and pouted a bit to herself. I frowned and focused on my breakfast like Jacob was, busying myself with a small sip of tea.

_He said they were pretty, _I thought sadly, feeling even more painfully aware that pretty was a far cry from cute than I was before.

Of course, I couldn't argue with him there, they were both stunning, but it was still a bit difficult hearing him compliment them and then call attention to the fact that everyone around us was admiring them, too.

"So, you like it?" Amber asked Seth enthusiastically. "I was hoping to catch up with John before I left and ask him if he's up for dinner and a movie tonight. I overheard him saying to someone once that he was a leg guy, so I wore the skirt," she pointed down to her lap as if he hadn't taken notice of her bare skinned legs before that. "It's looks good, right? Do you think he'll say yes?" Amber tended to ramble a bit when she got nervous or excited and since she was probably feeling a little bit of both at the moment.

I didn't look up to see Seth's face as he formed his answer to that. I couldn't, actually. She was asking him to give his opinion about how she looked and whether he thought her _legs_ looked good enough for someone like John to agree to go on a date with her. I honestly didn't even want to think about how he would answer that. Seth had never commented on any part of my body, other than my face to tell me that my lips or my eyes were pretty.

_He _has_ told you that he thinks you're gorgeous, _my still quiet and subdued subconscious volunteered. And it was true. He had. But what I couldn't help but wonder at the moment was whether or not the compliment was just about my face. I mean, plenty of people have pretty faces on otherwise not-as-attractive bodies.

"John?" Seth said curiously. "As in bagel-boy-John? That John?"

Amber giggled and leaned forward to place her elbows on the table while holding her cup of hot chocolate up with both of her hands. I gasped under my breath at the effect that had on her posture. With the way she was leaning forward her chest was practically spilling out of her top… and if Seth was looking at her I had no doubt that he would be getting quite an eyeful at the moment.

I sighed and leaned my forehead down one of my hands, letting my hair fall forward around me to hide what was sure to be a mix of hurt and anxiety on my face. My day had started off so well, with Seth helping me with my assignment, giving me sweet kisses and plenty of good advice the whole time. We'd been laughing and having fun and I had felt special… loved.

And now I was sitting across from him watching him gape at two other girls, listening to him call them pretty… while he was most likely looking straight own Amber's shirt.

I felt uncomfortable and insignificant at just the thought of it.

"Yes, _that_ John." I could imagine her rolling her eyes playfully at Seth's nickname for him. "So what do you think? Guys like this look, right?" Amber asked again.

I held my breath and rubbed my temple against what felt like a brewing headache while I waited for him to answer. My other hand picked nervously at my muffin, breaking it apart into bite sized pieces, even though I didn't think I'd be up for eating any of it if the conversation kept going the way that it was. I suddenly felt like I needed to know the answer to her question. Not so much because I needed to know if guys in general liked that look. I had enough experience with one in particular who'd taken advantage of me being dressed in something similar to that… something I was probably never likely to wear again because of it, which made it all the more important to know whether or not it was something that _Seth _liked.

"Um, yeah, a skirt's a good date outfit," he said casually.

"Just good?" she asked sounding somewhat disappointed. "I don't know…" She began to shake the top foot on her crossed legs like she does when she's feeling antsy or anxious. "I read somewhere that guys who are a bit more _experienced_ like girls who are comfortable with their bodies," Amber said seriously. I wondered idly if she was quoting one of the many articles in the magazines she read about how to 'land' the perfect guy. It certainly sounded like it. "I mean, is that true? What do you guys think?"

Jacob chuckled and mumbled a very quiet and surprisingly honest 'wouldn't know' under his breath at that question, which left Seth to answer it on his own.

Except that he didn't.

A hush fell over the table for a moment. It was brief, but to me, it was very poignant. Jake's response to Amber's question had been instantaneous and automatic. He couldn't answer because he didn't know. Seth, on the other hand, hesitated and I wasn't sure why. It was then that I realized that I had never asked Seth whether or not he'd been with anyone before. It hadn't actually occurred to me to. It wasn't something I would normally ask anyone… but Seth wasn't just anyone to me. He was my boyfriend. I was suddenly feeling like I _should_ have asked him. I also knew that he had at least one other steady girlfriend for almost a year. It would definitely be possible… that they…

_Oh. _

I stilled and felt my eyes squeeze shut as I tried to block out the images I was suddenly picturing of him with someone else. Someone who was no doubt as tall and sophisticated and beautiful looking as Nessie and Amber were.

The silence only lasted a few seconds, which wasn't really long enough to cause the moment to become awkward or obvious – to anyone but me – when Nessie broke it and thankfully changed the topic of conversation.

"There he is now, Amber," she said, obviously indicating that John had made an appearance behind the counter. "Why don't you go talk to him?"

Amber took a deep breath and let it out before responding. "No time like the present, I guess," she said nervously. "Okay. I'm going."

I shuffled out of my seat, standing awkwardly next to the booth so that Amber could slide out. She took her things and asked us to wish her luck while she slung her bag over her shoulder. I managed to mumble a quiet 'good luck' to her under my breath even though most of my mind was still focused on Seth and what he _hadn't _said in answer to Amber's question.

"Excuse me," I mumbled quietly more to the floor than to the others at the table. I was afraid to look at them. I didn't want them to see my face as I sorted through my feelings at the moment. I needed to escape. "I'm just going to go to the ladies room." I needed to think for a minute or two.

"I'll come, too," Nessie said and slid out of the booth to join me. I nodded and turned, heading towards the back hallway without another word. I kept my head down and hair around me, focusing on the floor as I usually did to avoid attracting attention or catching anyone's eye, but it was apparent by the low murmuring in a couple of places that walking with Nessie today had certainly drawn some attention to us as we made our way back to the restroom.

Once we were there I let myself into a stall and shut the door behind me. I was grateful for the fact that Spike's had toilet seats with lids, because I really didn't have to go. I just needed to think. I lowered the lid and sat down silently, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

Once I was settled, I let go. I let my heart slither down into my shoes, where it had been threatening to sink since Nessie and Amber had walked into the café.

Seth obviously thought they were beautiful. He'd said so himself. He called them pretty and said that every guy in the café noticed them. He was a guy, so he definitely fit into that category.

And me… well… I was 'cute' and definitely not gathering any attention of my own, which was usually a very good thing in my eyes.

So why didn't it feel like it today?

_Because you like _Seth's_ attention…_ my subconscious told me softly. _You like it when _he_ notices you._

I sighed lightly and nodded to myself. I _did _like Seth's attention. But had he ever noticed me the way he'd noticed _them_ today? It hurt to acknowledge the truth, but… I didn't think so.

_You haven't really done anything to try and get his attention in that way, though… have you?_

That was an easy question to answer. Of course I hadn't. It was something that didn't come naturally to me. I was actually quite the opposite. I always shied away from attracting attention to myself, especially my body. So I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge the obvious. Getting his attention in that way was something that wouldn't be easy for me to do.

Especially if he liked girls that wore short skirts or tight tops out on dates. That was something I just couldn't do.

Inevitably my mind wandered to the way Seth _did_ pay attention to my body. We had kissed and touched a bit when we were alone. I had always felt very special and loved when were together that way… but now that I was considering it… especially after realizing that Seth might be a bit more experienced than I'd had considered before, the only thing I could think about was the fact that he seemed to pull away from me all the time. We kissed a lot and he'd touched me… there had been plenty of sweet caresses on my waist, my neck my chest… but never anything other than that. As a matter of fact, the couple of times that I found myself unconsciously rolling my hips into his he'd stopped what we were doing almost immediately.

What did that mean? Did he not want anything more with me? Did he not see me as attractive in _that_ way?

He was always affectionate with me, but affection wasn't the same as attraction. Some might argue that they were very different things altogether. Affection was a sweet and tender way to show someone that you loved or cared about them. Attraction on the other hand was about desire… about _wanting_ someone…

_Does he not… want… me?_

_Oh my Lord, Olivia, listen to what you're thinking. Are you ready for this? Do you realize what you're asking yourself? _

_Oh. _

_Oh wow. I…_

I ran my hands through my hair and sat up, staring straight at the floor as the reality of what I'd actually been feeling and why I was feeling that way hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was feeling inadequate and insecure because he was noticing how attractive other girls were. I doubted what he wanted from me because of the fact that he didn't react the same way to me as he did to them…

I was feeling jealous and insignificant because it seemed like he wanted _them_.

And I was feeling that way because _I_ wanted _him_.

I sucked in a tiny gasp as one shaking hand flew towards my mouth and the other toward my heart where it was racing and twisting a bit in my chest.

_Oh Olivia, _I heard my subconscious sigh wistfully, _how on earth are you going to deal with this?_

"Olivia?" Nessie called form the other side of the door. "Are you alright?"

"Um, yeah," I breathed shakily, "just give me a minute. I'll be right out."

There was a pause before she replied.

"Are you sure?" she asked quietly. "You don't sound very good."

I swallowed back the lump of nerves and worry in my throat and took a deep breath so that my reply would sound a bit steadier this time. "I'm fine, really."

I stood up and flushed the toilet, just for effect, and exited the stall without looking at her and made my way to the sink to wash my hands.

"You're looking a little pale," she commented quietly as she leaned against the sink next to me.

I glanced up and realized that she could see my reflection in the mirror above the sink. She was right. I _was_ a little pale. And why wouldn't I be? I'd just realized that the man that I'd fallen in love with was very appealing to me… that I wanted him in ways that I didn't think I'd ever want anyone.

And I definitely wanted him to want me, too.

I think I was a bit… _shocked_ with myself.

"I'm okay," I murmured to Nessie. It wasn't like I could talk about it with her. There was no way she'd understand without my telling her everything there was to know about me and this just wasn't the time, or the place for that. "I've just got a bit of a headache," I explained. It wasn't a lie. My head had begun to hurt before and over the last couple of minutes it had blossomed into something like a tension headache. It was probably from nerves or anxiety. I often got tension headaches the day after having an anxiety attack, so the symptoms were easy to recognize and place.

"Is there anything I can do?" Nessie asked sweetly.

I smiled weakly at her concern. "No. It's nothing to be worried about. It's just a little headache."

I dried my hands and headed for the door while ignoring her unconvinced frown. She had enough to worry about on her own today. I knew she was disappointed with Jacob's reaction to her new look and I didn't think that she needed to be bothered with my insecurities when she was struggling with her own.

The guys were standing up and ready to head to class when we reached the table. Amber was chatting with John at the counter. She had his full attention as she was leaning forward onto it, much the same way she had when she spoke to Seth and leaned over the table earlier. I hung my bag over my chest and across my too puffy vest, put my muffin in its bag and grabbed my tea. Nessie gathered her things too and then we left for class with her and Jake walking slightly ahead of me and Seth.

"Everything alright, Liv?" Seth asked quietly as we made our way across the campus lawn toward our lecture hall. The wind was cold and bit into my skin as it blew my damp hair across my face. I didn't move it away like I normally would have to look at him. For once, I was glad to have the privacy my hair provided me while I was around him.

I nodded in answer to his question and kept walking while focusing on the ground. I was trying very hard not to focus on how I felt about him. I had a feeling I would be looking at him a bit differently when I finally mustered up the courage to do it, and I wasn't quite sure how to handle that yet.

The only thing that I was sure of as we walked side by side and I felt his warm heat on my arm, and my skin tingled when we touched even through my layers of clothes, was that I was absolutely right about how I felt. There was no mistaking it. I really was _very_ attracted to him…

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly. "I kind of overheard you telling Nessie something about a headache," he admitted somewhat sheepishly. I felt myself pale as I glanced up at him. I was suddenly feeling incredibly relieved over my decision not to discuss my feelings with Nessie. If I had he would have overheard everything we were saying.

"I'm fine," I breathed quietly. "Just a little tension headache."

He frowned looked my face over again carefully. "She was right about your colour, too."

Of course he would have overheard that as well. I couldn't help but feel a little frustrated at the fact that he was concerned about me now, but didn't seem to notice any of my discomfort at the table earlier. It was petty, and I knew that I was probably more frustrated out of jealousy over his reasons for being distracted, but I couldn't seem to help it. It hurt that he hadn't said a word to me over breakfast, but now that Nessie and Amber seemed otherwise occupied, I had his attention again. So my response to his concern probably came out sounding a little short and terse.

"I'm fine," I bit out a bit sharply with a frown and then shook my head at myself for being so short with him. It wasn't like me to behave that way. But, then again, it wasn't like me to be feeling jealous. I was also worried about how to handle things with him in light of realizing how I felt. The combination of those two things together was definitely giving me a bit of a tension headache and once you added in my feelings of doubt and insecurity… I was kind of a mess. I knew that it would be all I could do to hold it together until class was over and I could leave. I was supposed to go to Seth's before working tonight, but I was starting to think that a change in plans might be better. I needed some time and space to think.

He was silent for a moment or two, probably digesting my tone.

"Okay," he replied quietly.

I would have reached out and taken his hand to reassure him that I wasn't upset with him, but my hands were full with my tea and my muffin. And if I was being honest with myself I had to admit that I might have been a little bit upset with him for his reaction to Nessie and Amber today. It wasn't that I expected him not to look at other girls, it would only be natural if he did. But it would have been nice if he could have hidden his reaction to them a bit around me, or at least paid the slightest bit of attention to me during breakfast instead of looking at Nessie and, more than likely, down Amber's low cut shirt.

The rest of the walk to class passed silently. Amber caught up with us once we were in class and took a seat next to me. Jacob and Seth sat on my right and she was on my left.

"It worked," she squeaked happily as she took her seat next to me. "We're going to see The Boardwalk tonight after dinner at the Texas Grill."

I nodded and kept my eyes on the notes Professor Jordan was writing on the board.

"You don't mind, do you?" Amber said suddenly, curiously.

_Mind?_ Why would I mind her going on a date with John?

I frowned and shook my head 'no' at her. What an odd question to ask.

"Oh, good," she said sounding somewhat relieved then busied herself taking her notebook and pencil case out of her bag.

The lecture started shortly after that. I wish I could say that I was paying attention to what was going on. It wasn't like I could afford to miss out on any of it, but I was completely preoccupied with my thoughts. Jacob and Seth both seemed uncharacteristically quiet, too, which I was grateful for. Usually they would quietly chat a bit during the lecture and Seth would sometimes try to draw me into the conversation, but with the way things were going, I was sure I wouldn't be able to focus on it. Especially not with the way Seth kept glancing in this direction. What bothered me most was that I couldn't figure out if he was looking at me or Amber's very bare legs beside me. I was pretty much silent and tense the whole time, not focusing at all on what was being said, just thinking and re-thinking about everything that had happened before class.

I sighed with relief as Professor Jordan finished up the three hour lecture and told us to hand in our assignments at the front on the way out.

"I think I'm going to try and catch up with Nessie for lunch," Amber said once the lights came up.

"Me too," Jacob agreed automatically and started gathering his books right away. Since I was supposed to be spending the afternoon with Seth before work I would normally have gone with them. But I really wasn't up for it at the moment.

"I think I'm going to pass on lunch," I said quietly as I slipped my bag over my shoulder. Seth, who had been waiting patiently and silently beside me, huffed out a short breath.

"What?" he murmured. "Are you feeling worse?" He sounded genuinely concerned and I immediately felt badly for snapping at him before.

I shook my head and looked down at my assignment in my hands, pretending to check it over one last time. "I think I'm going to go to the gym for a run before work today, actually."

"You sure you should be running if you're not feeling well? Maybe you should rest a bit…" Seth replied.

I looked up into his handsome face and was struck speechless for a moment by the concern and worry in his eyes. Whatever else he was feeling or not feeling for me, it was clear that he loved me and cared about my well-being. Despite the fact that I was still a little hurt over his behavior from earlier, and now also worried that he'd been eying Amber's legs during class, I felt badly for making him worry. I wasn't sick. I was just insecure, jealous and nervous.

"It's nothing to worry about. I get these sometimes," I said with a small shrug. "You should go to lunch. Enjoy your day off."

Jacob and Amber had already handed in their assignments and were waiting at the doors to the lecture hall. I could see Jacob leaning out of the door a bit, probably trying to spot Nessie in the hallway. His free hand was tapping his thigh while the other gripped his book bag tightly. He seemed a little anxious to get going. Seth glanced between me and the two at the door with a frown, clearly feeling undecided about what to do.

"You sure?" he asked finally.

I nodded.

"Okay," he agreed somewhat reluctantly. "Call me when you get to work, though, alright?"

"Sure," I said just as Jacob turned back in our direction to look for us. "You'd better get going. I think he's waiting for you."

Seth sighed and nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right about that."

There was a rare awkward silence between us for a moment. I could see indecision in his eyes and wondered whether or not he sensed that I was upset, or if he was unsure about whether he wanted to go to lunch with the others. I ducked my head to break our gaze, hoping to ease the awkward tension a bit. It didn't. Not for me, at least. I sighed and turned towards the stairs, feeling more than ready to hand my assignment in and make my way to a place where I could think and sort out my feelings a bit.

The feeling of a large, warm hand wrapping around my free one stopped me before I'd even taken my first step. I turned to face him but before our eyes could meet his lips brushed against my temple lightly. I should have known that Seth would find just the right way to smooth things over a bit. I smiled and gave his hand a squeeze to acknowledge his affectionate gesture, then loosened my release him, but he tightened his, unwilling to let me go. He gestured with his other hand for me to walk ahead of him down the stairs, so I led the way to the front of the room to submit my assignment. Seth followed, still gripping my hand and turned in his work directly after mine.

I turned to face him, but was still feeling insecure enough not to be able to meet his gaze.

"Bye, Seth," I murmured toward the floor.

He pulled me toward him gently and brushed his lips against my temple again, right where the tension was gathering behind my eyes.

"Feel better," he murmured into my skin. "And don't forget to call, okay?"

"Kay."

We broke apart then and went our separate ways, leaving through doors on opposite sides of the lecture hall. I didn't look back to see if he was watching me. Not because I thought that he was, but I was worried that he might have been focused on Amber instead. If that was the case I was sure that I would rather not know.

My thought rankled as I made my way through the biting wind to my apartment, got changed and trudged back to the gym on campus. I tried to stick to the facts and look at things objectively and failed miserably. The fact of the matter was that I'd noticed Seth _noticing_ other girls, women really, in a way that he hadn't shown interest in me… and I didn't like it. Not only did I not like it, I wanted to change it. I wanted him to notice me like that. I wanted be what _he_ wanted.

It was a bit overwhelming for me to realize that I felt that way. I'd never given any thought as to how to accomplish that… not since I'd made a bit of an effort at fifteen… and I'd paid for that decision dearly.

But Seth wasn't Travis. He said that he loved me and he swore that he'd never hurt me.

And I believed him – wholeheartedly. He'd had every opportunity to take advantage of me by now and he had been nothing but sweet, loving and affectionate towards me at every turn.

By the time I was stepping onto the treadmill at the gym I was trying to reconcile Seth's behaviour with what I knew about imprinting. If I had been right before, and imprinting _was_ an instinct that led a wolf to their mate… was it possible that they could be meant to be with someone that they weren't particularly attracted to? Was it something that would develop over time… or could attraction be something that an imprinted wolf _sacrificed_ in order to be with someone who was right for them in every other sense of the word?

And what if it never developed at all? Could they be tied to someone that they loved, but didn't _want_? Sadly, I had to admit that I thought that it was possible. Knowing that both Jacob and Quil, Seth's other pack mate, had imprinted with children made it abundantly clear to me that a wolf could definitely be tied to someone that they weren't attracted to in the slightest. And through what I'd seen with Jacob and Nessie, they would be more than happy to sacrifice that part of themselves to be with the one they were meant for in whatever way they could.

Every single part of me rejected that idea. I didn't want to be that for Seth. I didn't want to be someone who stifled him in any way. Even now, just thinking about the possibility of it, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Who was I to take that away from him?

I might never have experienced passion with someone before, but I knew that it was an important part of a healthy relationship. And if I was the reason that Seth could never experience it, or wouldn't be able to experience it _again_ if he already had… I wouldn't be able to live with that.

I wanted to be what he _needed_… but I needed to be what he _wanted_, too.

As I found my rhythm on the treadmill at a steady run, I turned up the volume on my iPod and tried to focus on how to figure things out.

I knew that I wanted more with him and that I wanted to _be_ more _for_ him.

Which left me with only one question to answer, and for someone like me, it was a very difficult one to think about.

_What was I willing or able to do to figure out if Seth could want me, too?_

* * *

**Hmmmm... what's a girl to do? Anyone have any pointers for Olivia? If I know you guys like I think I do I'm pretty sure you've got a _wealth _of advice for her.**

**She's waiting patiently, head down, hiding her light blush behind her hair with a notebook and pencil in hand... **

***smiles* **

**Reviews this chapter are for Olivia. She's curious. What do you think she should do? Or, what would you do if you were in her shoes...?**

**She's looking forward to hearing from you :-)**

**~Hitchy**


	23. Not Chapter 23

Hey everyone.

Sorry to disappoint, but this is not the chapter that you have been waiting so patiently for. I've had some major problems with my laptop and was computer-less for the past week and a half. The security program that I subscribe to through my Internet Service Provider updated itself and somehow got it's wire's crossed. It slowed my entire machine up and killed not only the anti-spyware and anti-virus protection that the program provided, but knocked out my Window's firewall too! I thought I'd contracted a really nasty virus, but that wasn't the case at all. The security program just completely bunged itself up and took my computer down with it. It took hours of work four different technicians from two separate companies to correct the error, but the repair was finally completed last night.

I also haven't been able to respond to reviews. I was able to read most of them before my computer went down, but hadn't gotten around to replying, and in the interest of getting the chapter to you as quickly as possible, I probably won't be getting to them soon. Olivia thanks you for all of the advice. I hope you enjoy getting to read about her putting some it to good use – once I finish writing about it, of course!

So this little note is to let you know that the chapter is on the way, but I'm obviously running a bit behind. With any luck I'll have the chapter out by the end of the week – Sunday at the very latest, I hope – if you don't mind reading it unbeta'd. I got about 3,000 words (or 3.5 pages, roughly) done tonight, but won't be able to work on it tomorrow because I have plans to meet friends that I haven't seen in months.

I'm so sorry for the delay. I just wanted to post this so that you wouldn't think I've dropped off the face of the earth or abandoned these two. I haven't. I'm still here and the chapter is now officially a work in progress.

Keep your fingers crossed for an update in a couple of days.

Until then, thanks for your patience and understanding.

Hitchy


	24. Quiet and Confused

***waves*  
**

**Hey everyone.  
**

***crickets*  
**

**Okay. It's official. I sucked at getting this one out to you. I admit it and I'm _so_ sorry for the delay. I do have good reason, though, so if anyone needs/wants to hear about it, I will explain. If you're not interested in hearing it and just want to hear about Seth and Olivia, already because Lord knows you've waited long enough, then just skip to the part beyond the page break and I'll see you at the bottom :-)**

**So for those of you who are interested in my messed up, silly life, here we go. In addition to the computer issues I had a week ago, this is what's been happening in my life since I posted last:**

**1) Our house was for sale and I had a ton of showings to clean and tidy up for.**

**2) Our house actually sold (yay) so we had the buyer come through a couple of times, for which the house had to be spotless and we had a four hour long home inspection done which we couldn't be home for. All went well with the inspection and the house is sold so that's good... except for the fact that...  
**

**3) ****We have to move out by the end of March and we have no home to move into yet. So we've been house shopping. _A lot_.** **And packing. Lot's of that going on, too.**

**4) And I'd love to say that the worst is over but, if we don't find a place to live within the next few weeks**, **we'll be temporarily moving in with *cue music signaling the approach of impeding ****doom* the _in-laws_.**

**Add this to being a mom, a wife and having a job and I'm hoping you can see why this has been tough for me. My next update might take a little longer, too, especially if we still haven't found a house by then. Keep your fingers crossed for me and just know that I'm doing the best that I can to get these out to you. **

**So, without further ado, I give you Chapter 23.**

**This chapter has not been beta'd so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.  
**

**No chapter song this time.**

**SM owns Twilight. I own my tardiness in getting this to you.  
**

* * *

**SPOV**

"You sure you don't want to stay for supper?' Jake asked as I headed toward the foyer of his house.

I shook my head 'no' and moved to slip on my sneakers.

Nessie had an assignment to work on for Sociology and since Olivia had decided to head to the gym before work, and it was my day off, Jake and I both had some free time on our hands. We spent the afternoon playing video games at his place. We didn't talk much, mostly because Nessie could hear us in her room if we tried to, and more than likely she would have been to topic of conversation. So we kept it simple, just commenting on the game, throwing back a few beers and chilling out. I figured it was probably what Jake needed more than anything at the moment anyway, considering the mood I'd caught him in that morning. It hadn't gotten much better during the day.

When Nessie and Amber walked into Spikes earlier dressed to the nines, I was a bit surprised. I mean, I figured that with the way Nessie had been feeling lately about Jake she would probably do something to get his attention. And I guess that I was right about that, because there was no way he didn't notice her in that short skirt and tight top with the heels… not to mention the make-up and the hair…

I wasn't kidding when I'd told her and Amber that _every_ guy in the place had noticed them walking in the door. Jake was a guy too, and _believe _me, he was looking. Hard.

Problem was, he wasn't the only one noticing. During the minute or so that it had taken Jake, Nessie and Amber to walk across the parking lot from their car to the door of the café, every single straight guy in the vicinity noticed the two of them… and most of them _commented _on them, too.

Nessie was busy talking to Amber so she was distracted. And since her hearing wasn't as good as Jake's or mine, so she probably didn't catch most of the remarks made about her. But we did. We heard every single curse, every plea to God, every single thing…

"_Fuck me, that redhead's fine…" a dark haired guy pulling out of the drive-thru muttered under his breath. He spilled his coffee a bit on his lap while he was staring, and then did it again when he caught Jake's glare as he walked up behind her. The guy's window went up faster than lightning and he sped off without another glance at the girls when he saw the protective, hot look emanating from Jake's eyes._

"_Christ, now that's what I'm talkin' about…" some blonde haired skinny dude with glasses said to his friend as the climbed out of his truck to head into the café. "I'll take a tall, long-legged red-head with a side of whip cream to go, please…" he continued with a wry chuckle. His friend laughed with him until they heard the sound of Jake's knuckles cracking – loudly - and saw the way he was trying to burn their eyes out of their heads with his own. Their laughs turned to coughs and their eyes stayed glued to the pavement after that. Not that I blamed them. It was a smart move. _

_The real clincher on Jake's bad attitude for the day came from a pair of guys who were leaving the café just as Nessie and Amber approached the door with Jake trailing just a few feet behind them, glaring at anyone who so much as looked in their direction._

"_Heads up, man," the taller brunette in front muttered to his shorter, more muscular friend behind him. He smirked and licked his lips. "The two for one special is about to walk in." The shorter one laughed and made a crude joke. I didn't catch it all because I was busy watching Jake's eyes narrow to slits as the guys gave Nessie and Amber the once over while they walked right past them, oblivious. All I can remember was that he said something about buttering the blonde's toast and introducing the red head to his breakfast sausage. After that the only thing I was aware of was Jake blocking the door, and their only exit, with his whole entire body. His feet were planted shoulder width apart, his hands were clenched into fists at his sides and his upper lip was curled up on one side, trembling a bit with the tell-tale calling card of a stifled snarl. The guys froze and then, once Jake stepped aside, beat feet out of there so fast they were almost running. _

"_Holy…" I breathed, not wanting to finish that off with the curse that was sitting on the tip of my tongue in Olivia's presence. Jake was pissed. Not mad, not angry, not upset. He was just – pissed the fuck off. And tense, too, no doubt because he was dealing with noticing the very same things about Nessie that all the other guys had and not being able to act on it. _

_That was its own brand of sweet torture for an imprinted guy like us. I could relate. It was hard as hell maintaining my own control with my girl all the time. I didn't want to push her and was more than happy to go at her pace, but not having an outlet for all that tension could get to a guy. And I had no doubt that the 'tension' was definitely getting to Jake at that moment. I couldn't even imagine being in his position. He loved Nessie enough to protect her with his life, and I knew that over the past six months or so he'd definitely taken notice of how her body had changed and settled into its more, um, _mature_ shape. And I knew for a fact that he liked it. She was exactly his type – just like all of the girls were to every other imprinted wolf in the tribe. The girls we imprinted on were our perfect mates – in every single sense of the word. There would never be a woman that was more attractive to a wolf than the one he'd imprinted on. And because I knew that, I had no doubt that Jake had spent all morning having a tough time trying to control his own reaction to the way Nessie looked, only to come here and be confronted with everything else…_

_So yeah. Jake was having a rough day. To put it mildly._

_I vaguely remember greeting Nessie and Amber as they joined me and Olivia at our table. I was too busy keeping my eyes on Jake's tense form as he approached the counter and praying to God that no one else was stupid enough to say anything crude about her, or we'd have a serious problem in the form of an alpha-male imprinted wolf to deal with._

"You heading home?" Jake asked, bringing me back to the present.

"Nah," I replied quietly. "I think I'm going to go check on Olivia, actually. See if she's feeling any better."

"What? Was she sick or something?" Jake asked, sounding a bit surprised and concerned. I figured that he hadn't noticed how quiet and withdrawn she'd been today. He'd had his own stuff to deal with. His surprised tone confirmed it for me.

"Yeah. She said she had a headache," I replied with a shrug, trying really hard not to let him see how worried I was about her. I forced my face to stay neutral and my jittery, anxious hands to stay still as I continued. He had enough problems of his own to deal with today. That was for sure. "She went to the gym to try and run it off before work, so I think I'm going to see if she wants to grab a bite with me after her shift or something. Make sure she eats." I shrugged and glanced down at the floor, trying to play it cool.

On the inside, though, I was pretty tense. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew that something was wrong with my girl. My gut was telling me something was up, and that it wasn't just about her not feeling well. I didn't think she was lying about the headache. She'd never even told the smallest white lie to me before, so I believed what she said. But I had a feeling that there was more to it than that. I wasn't sure why, exactly, but something wasn't sitting right with me. Call it intuition or instinct or plain old imprinted-wolf-paranoia if you want, but… I was worried about her.

"Yeah, of course," Jake replied quietly. "Shit, sorry to keep you this afternoon, Seth. If I had known Olivia was sick I wouldn't have asked."

I knew that he was feeling bad about keeping me away from her for a couple of hours. No imprinted wolf likes to be away from their other half, especially when they're not feeling well. It's in our blood to protect and take care of them in any way they need it, so being away from them when they were sick, even with something as small as a headache, usually caused us to worry quite a bit.

The thing was… I knew my girl. She didn't get quiet like this often, but when she did it was usually because she was thinking about something. Sometimes she'd think and rethink things over so much that she was completely preoccupied by it. So, it didn't take a genius for me to figure out that something was bothering her. But I also knew that when she got like this she needed to time and space to think. And as much as it killed me to do it, I knew that it was best for me to give her that space. That's why I made myself leave her on her own this afternoon. She was supposed to spend her afternoon with me before work but she opted not to. I didn't like it, but it was her choice so I respected it. She'd called me to let me know that she got to work okay like I asked her to do. That was good enough to hold me over for a few hours. Now all I had to do was hope that she'd be up for seeing me when she was done work. If not, I'd probably have a long night of thinking and worrying of my own ahead of me.

"Don't worry about it, Jake. I came because I wanted to hang out. Besides, she's working so…" I shrugged off his apology for keeping me away from her with the game this afternoon. I was actually grateful for the distraction. If it wasn't for him I probably would have caved and gone to see her a whole lot sooner than I already was.

"Well thanks, then. I needed the distraction this afternoon," he said with a wry chuckle. "But seriously, Seth," he continued, flipping his tone to that of a serious alpha and brother in a heartbeat. "If she needs you, then that's where you should be. I know I've been having a rough day, but…" he glanced down the hall towards Nessie's room where we'd both heard her strumming out a slow, sad tune on her guitar for the past hour or so. "Nessie's moods swings have been getting a bit worse lately, so I don't see things getting any easier around here for a while," he murmured quietly so that Nessie wouldn't hear him over the strumming of her guitar. He sighed and shook his head. "I'm not quite sure what to make of all of it yet, but… she'll tell me what's up sooner or later."

I nodded and focused my attention on grabbing my wallet and keys, not wanting to give Nessie's secret away with the look of 'come on Jake, it's not that hard to figure out' that was probably written all over my face. Anyone who'd been around those two lately knew how Nessie felt about him. She wasn't very good at hiding it. She blushed at his attention all the time and her eyes shone like they were looking at the sun in the sky when they were on him. Jake was probably the only one who hadn't picked up on it – even though it seemed like Nessie was trying to do everything she could to draw his attention to the fact that she needed something a little different from him now.

Knowing that it was probably not a good idea to have a discussion with Jake about what was up with Nessie, I shrugged and nodded, muttering a '_sure, she'll come around_' in response then made my way to the door. I turned around with one foot inside and one foot outside to let Jake know what I was planning on doing for the next little while.

"Olivia's not off for another couple of hours, so I'm going wolf for a while. I'll keep my cell in the pocket of my jeans, though. Call if you need something."

Jake smirked and nodded while I ducked my head and shook it. I felt my cheeks warm up a bit. Ever since the day I'd met Olivia I'd been going incognito as a wolf, hiding in the trees across the street from DeHart's on my nights off while Olivia worked whenever I could. I didn't like the idea of her working there by herself, especially not after knowing that the _bastard_ who'd taken advantage of her could pop by at any moment. It set my teeth on edge just thinking about it. Our schedules were pretty regular, so unfortunately there was only one day a week that she worked when I wasn't, but I was there keeping an eye on things whenever I could. And if I was working too, I made sure to call her a couple of times throughout the night, whenever I got a break just to hear her voice and make sure that she was okay.

Jake figured out that I was working 'secret guard duty' a couple of weeks ago when he'd phased one night to stretch his legs and caught sight of me watching Olivia through the store windows in his head. He razzed me about it a bit, but he didn't know about the _bastard_, or the fact that he'd been there the day that I met her, so it was hard not to correct Jake about the fact that I might have seemed like I was being a little bit overprotective. I didn't care if I was. All that mattered to me was that she was safe.

I didn't say anything about the razzing I took for being the wolf version of a Beefeater, though. I knew that any wolf in my position who knew the whole truth about Olivia's past would do the same thing. Heck, they might do it even if they didn't know what was doing with her past. I don't know many guys who would be okay with their girl working alone in a convenience store at night. And wouldn't you know, ever since then, Jake had been taking a few extra trips out to DeHart's on the nights that Olivia and I both worked, to pick up a few things here and there as he and Nessie ran out of them. He hadn't said anything to me about it, but Olivia told me that he'd been popping in a bit more often and stopping to chat for a minute or so before he left. I knew it wasn't a coincidence. He figured out that I was worried about her working there by herself at night and he decided to look out for her by checking in on her when I couldn't.

And then he wondered why I would take some time out of my day to be there for him when he was having a rough day with Nessie… He had to know that I'd have his back when he needed me, just like he had mine whenever I needed him to.

"That's cool. I'll see you in class tomorrow. I hope she's feeling better," Jake said sympathetically.

I smiled and relaxed a bit. I was worried that I was going to get another ribbing for playing guard duty tonight, but I should have known that Jake wouldn't have teased me about wolf-watching her when she was sick.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow," I replied and headed for my car.

A few minutes later I parked my car in the last spot of the store's lot on the side of the building where she wouldn't be able to see it from inside the store. I shed my shirt, shoes and socks in the car, leaving me in just my jeans, and tucked my cell phone into the back pocket. I glanced around for witnesses. The parking lot was empty, but there were a couple of cars approaching in opposite directions. My sensitive ears picked them up before I could see them. I let them pass, then quickly jogged across the road to the trees, ducked in behind the thickest one and shucked my pants. I took a quick few seconds to fold up my jeans so that my phone wouldn't fall out and tied them to my ankle with a string before pulling at my inner heat and shifting.

It was quiet in my head, which meant that Sam's guys were on patrol back home. I loved nights like this. It gave me an opportunity to focus on her a bit more. I shook out my fur and settled down on my haunches, keeping out of sight in the cover of the trees. The store's fluorescent lights shone brightly out of the large front windows and from this angle I could see the front counter where she There she was, leaning over the counter, flipping the pages of what looked like a magazine. Her long black hair fell around her face, and I was relieved to see that it looked like she took the time to dry it when she took her shower after leaving the gym earlier. She'd changed back into her clothes from earlier, which was good, too. I loved it when she wore those tight black jeans of hers that showed off all of her curves and that bright blue hoodie was one of my faves, too. It was the exact same colour of her eyes and fit her like a glove, skimming over her chest and outlining the shape of her tiny waist perfectly – which was one of the reasons why I was so damn happy to see her top her outfit off with that white, puffy vest today. She might have been completely covered from head to toe, but with the way her jeans and sweater fit her, her hourglass figure was on full display for everyone to see. And call me a caveman if you want to, but I kind of liked to keep those curves covered up for my eyes only. Besides, the big, puffy vest was cute, too. She looked so comfortable and warm… really soft and huggable. And the vest was a bit big on her. Kind of made me feel like it was big enough for two, and if I had my way I'd crawl right up in there and snuggle next to her all day if I could. Not that I would actually fit – it wasn't that big. It just got me thinking…

Yeah, I was definitely a 'girl next door' kind of guy. I mean, short skirts and low cut tops like the ones Amber and Nessie were wearing earlier today certainly got a guys' attention, but they didn't really do much for me beyond that. Don't get me wrong, I loved looking at my girl's body as much as any red-blooded, straight guy would. I just didn't really like the idea of her showing it off to everyone else. My mom and my sister were never the type to go out of the way to dress to get a guy's attention, but I wasn't blind. I knew that my sister was hot in that 'chew you up and spit you out while putting a smile on your face' sort of way that some guys liked. And even though she dressed in jeans and t-shirts almost all the time, she still got a lot of attention from guys outside the packs. I guess I'd just grown up around women who respected themselves enough to know that there was more to them than the way they looked.

And I really liked that Olivia was the same. She always looked gorgeous, no matter what she wore and in my opinion, got more than enough attention from guys without making all that extra effort. It was part of the reason I could kind of sympathize with the way Jake was feeling earlier while all of those guys were ogling Nessie. I'd seen guys look at my girl, too, and I hated every single second of it. She didn't attract obvious attention to herself the way Nessie and Amber did today, so most guys didn't notice her right away, and I'm pretty sure that she preferred it that way. But they weren't blind. Single guys – and even some 'not so single' ones – scanned they surroundings and checked out who was hanging around where they were all the time. And more often than not, on second glance, they found her. Olivia was the kind of girl that guys did a double take on – one of those ones where they'd nudge their buddy after being in a room for five or ten minutes and draw attention to what they missed on first glance with comments like _'whoa her hair was hiding her face before but, damn, check out the short one with the long black hair and the nice face. And look at those eyes…'_ or, if the guy was a pig, _'hey now, check out the quiet one _behind_ the red head with the nice ass and great rack'_.

Soooo… yeah. Needless, to say, the possessive motherfucker in me _loved_ Olivia's vest. I might be a bit of Neanderthal for thinking this way, but that hair, those eyes, and all those curves were mine, damn it, and I was really glad that she kept herself covered up for the most part. I didn't like other guys looking at my girl.

I mean, I'd already lost a girl I cared about to another guy once, and she didn't mean half as much to me as Olivia does. If someone like Kelly could catch some other guy's attention – then Olivia could too, it was just a given. Not that my ex-girlfriend wasn't pretty, she was… just in a more generic way, I guess. Kelly's a bit on the taller side and her skin was kind of olive toned. She had long, dark brown hair that was a bit wavy and I remember thinking that her best physical feature was her smile.

Funny thing was, though, after meeting Olivia I couldn't even tell you why I liked the way Kelly looked or any other girl I'd ever looked at for that matter. None of them measured up any more. They couldn't hold a candle to my girl's pale, but exotic looking face, with her big bright, blue eyes and those incredibly pouty pink lips. She wasn't supermodel height, but she more than made up for it with her slender figure and perfectly proportioned curves. Besides that, though, I was really starting to like that she was petite. Nothing made a guy feel more like a man than being able to surround their girl when they were cuddled up together, or being able to fold her up in their arms to protect her or shelter her… or feel their hands span their length of their delicate curves… kind of made you feel bigger, taller, stronger. At least that's how it made me feel. Actually, that's just how she made _me _feel, even without the physical differences between us. But since I was thinking about it anyway… yeah, I loved the way she fit under my arm, her shape, her gorgeous face, her girl next door style. I loved all of it.

I couldn't even imagine the kind of attention she'd get if she put herself out there and dressed in something like Amber or Nessie wore earlier.

I felt a possessive growl work its way up my throat and my fur stood on end just considering it.

_Uh huh. Right. No fucking way I'm going there_. _Just not going to think about it_.

_My girl is shy and likes jeans and t-shirts._

_My girl is shy and likes jeans and t-shirts._

_My girl is shy and – _

Olivia eyes widened and a somewhat incredulous look crossed her face while she digested whatever article she was reading. It kind of reminded me of the look on her face when Amber leaned forward on the table at Spikes this morning, giving me and Jake an eyeful of a whole lot of nothing either of us were interested in seeing. She ducked and covered her face with her hand pretty quickly this morning, but I caught her vaguely horrified and shocked expression before she was able to cover it. I had to wonder what she was reading that could make her react like that. Turns out I didn't have to wait long to find out.

Whatever it was must not have been worth continuing, because after a moment or two of staring blankly at it, she quickly flipped the magazine shut and as she did I caught a glimpse of the cover.

I blinked and felt my breath huff out of my muzzle in surprise.

_She's reading Cosmo?_

Okay, that was definitely not what I would have expected. Olivia had made it pretty clear to me before, when I found an issue of the same magazine at her place that Amber left behind, that she didn't typically read the stuff. I could see why. From what I could tell the magazine was all about fashion, men and sex.

If I was in human form, I probably would have been scratching my own head.

_I guess Jake's not the only one confused by his girl's behaviour today, _I thought idly. I wished I knew what she was thinking. Ever since breakfast at Spikes she'd been really quiet and withdrawn. She's normally quiet and keeps to herself, but she's always been a bit more open and talkative with me. Not today, though.

I huffed out a sigh and watched her hastily put the magazine back on the shelf through the haze of my warm breath wafting through the cold night air.

_Something's bothering her. I just know it, _I thought as I watched her though the window. She made her way back behind the register and checked her watch. I was a bit surprised to see her start tallying up the register totals so early. As far as I knew she wasn't getting off work for another hour or so. She usually didn't bother with the register totals until closer to closing because she'd have to redo it if someone else came in and bought something. It all made sense to me about a minute and a half later when she was done. It was a very quick tally, which meant that the store had probably been really slow. The owner had let all of his employees know that they were free to lock up an hour early if they were having a slow night.

I glanced at the clock behind the counter, noticing that if she was closing early she'd be done in fifteen minutes, as Olivia slowly reached for the phone behind the register. Her hand sort of hung mid air a few inches away from the phone for a moment or two. Her brows were pulled together and her lips were pressed together. She looked liked she was making a decision about something important…

A moment later she took a deep breath, blew it out, reached for the phone and dialed.

_Who is she so worried about calling?_

A moment after that, I felt my phone vibrate against my ankle.

_Me? She's worried about calling me?_

I shimmied back into human form as quickly as I could and fumbled a bit trying to get my phone out of the pocket of my jeans – not an easy thing to do in a hurry when they're folded up and strapped to your ankle by a long leather cord. Luckily, I caught it on the forth ring just before it flipped over into voicemail.

"Hey, Liv," I breathed as soon as I got it up to my ear.

She blinked in surprise and took a couple of seconds to respond.

"Hey, Seth," she murmured. "Um… how did you know it was me?"

_Shit, _I thought as I tossed on my jeans. She had no idea that I was keeping an eye on her on my nights off, and I didn't know if today was the best day to tell her because she didn't seem to be having a great day to being with…

"Oh, uh… call display," I mumbled a bit weakly, hoping she'd buy it. I did have call display, but she'd never called me from the store phone before so I technically shouldn't have known the number.

"Oh right," she said quietly. I could see her nodding distractedly to herself through the store window as I crossed the street in the shadows while heading back to my car, being sure to stay far enough away that she wouldn't be able to see me in the dark. "So I was wondering… are you busy tonight?" she asked quietly. She was nervous. I saw her fingers toy with the cord of the phone as she spoke just before I rounded the corner of the building and she dropped out of my line of sight.

I smiled as I reached my car, though. Nervous or not, I was really glad that she called me and asked me to hang out with her. I'd been spending all of my days off with her for the past couple of months and I missed her today something awful. I knew that she needed her space every once in a while, but it was never easy for me to give it to her.

"No, but I'd really like to be," I replied truthfully. I chuckled a bit at my typical response to her question. It was a conversation we'd had a lot. She checked to see if I was busy before asking if I wanted to hang out or do something with her. As if I'd have somewhere _else_ I'd rather be… Just the thought of it made me shake my head. She still seemed to have no idea just how _little_ I wanted to be anywhere but where she was.

There was a bit of a pause on her end. I was _hoping_ she'd ask me to hang out with her, but I reminded myself again that she needed space to think when she was stressed about something. And judging by the way she hesitated before picking up the phone to call me, I could tell that she was definitely stressed too. She didn't seem to be feeling very decisive either.

_Maybe she's changed her mind… or maybe she's still not feeling well…?_

"Liv?" I asked after a good half a minute of silence on her end. "Are you alright?"

There was another moment of silence before she sighed shakily.

"Yeah," she said quietly. She surprised me again by sounding a bit exasperated that I'd asked. "I'm _fine_," she mumbled.

_Uh oh. The doesn't sound good._

"Okay," I replied, even though she didn't sound fine at all. She sounded aggravated and apprehensive about something all at the same time. I sat back in the driver's seat of my car and waited as she took another deep breath, wondering what could have been bothering her so much that it her feeling tongue tied, hesitant and…

_Oh shit._

My stomach sank as it hit me like a ton of bricks.

_She's _upset_ with me. _

_Crap, this really isn't good_, I thought to myself as I realized what was really going on. _She's mad at me. She's never been mad at me before…_

I suddenly felt like a teenager again, walking in the door after having a great day at school only to find my mom waiting for me at the foot of the stairs with one eyebrow cocked, lips pursed, arms crossed over her chest, one foot tapping impatiently. I knew in an instant that I'd screwed up somewhere along the way, but I had no idea what exactly I'd done to make her mad…

My mind went into overdrive as my palms started to sweat a bit, thinking back over the day, trying to figure out where things went wrong. Things were great between me and Olivia at my apartment earlier… but when we got to Spike's things sort of went downhill. She just said she'd had a headache, but I knew there was something else bothering her, too. I just didn't realize until now that it had anything to do with me.

_Crap, crap, crap. _

_What did I do? _

_Think, Seth, think. _

_We had a great night last night. I helped her with math this morning and everything was fine. But when we got to breakfast everything changed. _

I tried to think about what might have happened to upset her then, but the problem I ran into with that was that I had spent most of breakfast keeping tabs on Jake and his temper. So even though I tried to think about something I might have said or done with Olivia to bother her, nothing was coming to mind.

_Shit, I really shouldn't have been paying so much attention to Jake. I should have been- _

"Seth?" she whispered, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I replied quietly, feeling all kinds of nervous about things at that point. I might not have had a ton of relationship experience, but I did know this:

If your girl clams up on you the way mine was, if she was being hesitant and snapping at you like Olivia did with me on our way to class earlier and on the phone just now, and breaking plans with you like Olivia did with me this afternoon, chances were… you _really _fucked up.

And that was exactly what I was feeling like at that moment, like I must have fucked up somewhere along the line earlier this morning and done something to upset her without even realizing I was doing it.

_Shit, and now she's gone all day thinking and worrying about it, and I didn't even notice that I'd messed up. So on _top_ of screwing up, I look like an insensitive jerk for not noticing that something I did was bothering her – _

"Can you come over tonight?" she asked quietly. "I just… um… there's… something I want to talk to you about."

_Crap. _

_Double crap._

"Sure," I replied quietly, knowing full well that with girls 'I think we need to talk' usually didn't lead to anything good - especially of they were mad.

"Okay," she said quietly. "I'm closing early tonight, so I'll be home soon."

"Okay. Um… can I pick you up?" I asked, really hoping she wasn't too mad at me to say yes, considering that the weather was a lot cooler than it had been before and I didn't want her to walk home or take the bus when it was this cold. Not to mention the fact that I was currently parked in the side lot of the store…

"Oh. You don't have to rush to do that, Seth. I'll be done here in a few minutes. I'll take the bus. I can just meet you at my place."

My heart sank. Was she really mad enough at me that she didn't want a ride? I'd offered to drive her home a bunch of times before and she'd never turned me down. Not once.

"You sure, Liv? It wouldn't be any trouble…"

_Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say-_

"It's really fine, Seth. Can you just… can you meet me at my place in an hour or so?" Her voice was quiet, but firm, which meant that she definitely wanted to take the bus and by the sounds of it, she wanted some time to herself at home before I got there. If she closed in fifteen minutes and took the next bus home it would only take about half an hour for her to get to her apartment. And for some reason, she didn't want me there when she got there.

_Oh shit. I must have really screwed up. This just… this isn't like her at all._

"Okay," I said quietly, trying really hard to keep my disappointment from being heard in my tone. "Have you eaten yet?" I murmured. "I can pick something up. If you want."

"Oh. No, I haven't. But, um… it's getting kind of late, so maybe something light might be good."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. I knew that she didn't like to eat late, but I figured that she probably wouldn't have had time to grab a bite to eat after the gym and I wanted to make sure that she had something in her stomach before she went to bed. Right after we met I kind of worried a lot about how little she ate. I mean, I wasn't comparing her to me because I know that I eat a lot, more than most guys because being a wolf makes for a huge appetite. But it bothered me that she always seemed to eat a lot less than the other girls I knew. I'd asked her about it once and she just shrugged and told me that she was smaller than most people so she didn't need to eat as much. I also noticed that she didn't really like to eat big meals. She seemed to snack more and kind of spread out her food consumption over the course of a day, which suited me just fine because I was good to eat just as often as she was ready to snack, so it usually worked out.

"Any requests?" I asked, hoping she'd give me hint about what she was in the mood for.

"No. I just…" she murmured then paused. She sighed quietly before she continued. "I'm not that hungry, really. So… I'm fine with whatever you choose," she finished somewhat impatiently.

_Ouch._

I was kind of feeling like she dismissed me with her tone on that one. My gut twisted a bit and I felt a tinge of panic in my chest. Now I was really worried. Within a span of six hours she was short with me _three_ times, when in almost two months of knowing her it hadn't happened before, not even _once_.

"Liv… what's wrong?" I asked quietly. I couldn't take the tension in the air between us. I needed to know what I screwed up and how to fix it, and I needed to know it sooner, rather than later.

There was silence.

A lot of silence.

Like… a full _minute_ of dead air separated her and me with something that felt like the distance of the grand canyon, and it was getting wider with every second that passed.

"Nothing's wrong, Seth," she said finally, hesitantly. "At least… I hope there isn't. I just… I want to talk to you, that's all."

"You _hope_ there isn't?" I asked feeling even more confused and worried than before. What did _that_ mean?

"Yeah. I… um…" she paused and took a deep breath, let it out slowly and continued quietly. "It's eight o'clock. I need to close up. I'll see you around nine, okay?"

"Right. Okay.," I mumbled distractedly. "I'll um… I'll see you soon."

"Okay," she whispered. "Bye."

"Bye."

I flipped my phone shut and leaned my head back on the headrest while I waited for her to gather her things so I could watch her lock up and wait for the bus. It was dark enough that she wouldn't be able to see my car at the back of the lot as she walked by it towards the bus stop, but with my superior night vision I could still see her through the trees on the side of the road.

I watched with a heavy heart as my girl stood out in the cold, wrapping her arms around herself to keep warm, despite how heavy her puffy vest looked. The wolf in me was practically howling at me to drive that block to her and just pick her up, even though she clearly wanted to ride the bus. I hated that she chose to stand out in the cold, dark night to wait for the bus all alone instead of getting a ride with me where it was warm and safe.

It was my fault, though. Had to be. I must have messed up something awful.

She was biting the inside of her lip again and her brows were pushed together as she stared at the ground near her feet. The fingers of her right hand were gripping with the bus pass that she held in her tiny curled up fist. The left ones were fidgeting with the cord to the ear buds that were dangling from her ears. She was distracted and thinking – hard.

The bus finally arrived a few minutes later. I watched until she climbed on and sat a couple of seats back from the driver, away from everyone else, then waited until the bus pulled away from the curb to start the car and head out towards the sub shop up the road. It was about a ten minute drive, and I figured that it would take about five minutes for them to make her a wrap and me a couple of sandwiches, which, all told, would leave me with about half an hour of extra time before I got to her house if I went straight there and back.

_How the hell am I going to make it an extra half hour? I need to see her and figure out what's wrong, so I can make things okay again. _

_God… at least I'm going to try to make things okay again. _

Problem was, I wasn't sure how easy that was going to be. I wasn't the type of person that had to deal with conflict very often, since I was usually pretty easy going.

But... I always seemed to be able to smooth things over pretty quickly when my mom was mad at me. Granted, I was never really a bad kid. I usually got into trouble for pulling silly pranks with some of the guys in the pack, and for staying out to hang with them way past the end of my designated patrol time on school nights and stuff like that. Nothing major. I knew how much my mom worried about me, especially after phasing and joining the pack at such a young age, so I tried my best to follow the rules and stay in her good graces to give her some peace of mind. And when I did manage to mess up it was usually pretty easy to smooth things over.

As I pulled in the parking lot of the sub shop a few minutes later I was going crazy trying to think of the best way to do that with Olivia. I had no idea what I'd done, but I knew that she was upset and I knew that I would do anything to make alright. I just had no clue where to even start…

I stared at my phone in my hand as I sat in the parking lot of the sub shop, wishing that I could just call Olivia and tell her that I was sorry for whatever I did and promise to make it up to her any way that I could. But I knew from experience that women didn't appreciate an empty apology. I tried it a few times with my mom when I was younger and she always challenged my apology by asking me how I could make up for where I went wrong if I didn't even know what I'd done in the first place?

And, as usual, she was right about that. It was hard to make up for something that you had no clue about. My mom was always really practical when it came to discipline with me and my sister. Her motto was that the punishment should fit the crime and so should the apology. It was really good advice when you thought about it.

But then my mom always gave good advice.

Before I knew what I was doing I had flipped open my phone and was hitting number two on my speed dial. She picked up after two rings.

"Hello?"

I smiled at the familiar sound of her rich voice. It hadn't been that long since I'd spoken to her, but I definitely missed her already.

"Hey, mom." I could hear muffled voices in the background and the sound of pots and pans rattling near by. It sounded like she had company. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing much. Charlie and I invited the new deputy and his wife to dinner. We're just finished up, so I'm washing a few dishes while the coffee brews for dessert."

"Oh. That's good," I replied quietly. I was kind of hoping to get my mom's advice about what to do with Olivia, but it obviously wouldn't be a good time for her to talk. It didn't stop me from wishing that I could, though. My mom would know exactly what to do in this kind of situation. She always did.

"Cherry cobbler," she said randomly after a moment of silence.

"What?"

"I said cherry cobbler, sunshine," she replied with a light chuckle. I groaned internally and shook my head at the use of my childhood nickname. My mom said that as long as I was fed and changed I was the happiest baby ever born, always smiling, never fussy or crying. So she nicknamed me 'sunshine' because I always brightened her day. She rarely used it anymore, but every once in a while she'd bust it out just to poke fun at me or make me smile a bit. "It's what we're having for dessert tonight," she continued. "I figured I'd let you know what we were having for dessert before you asked. And yes, I made an extra one for you. It's already in the freezer. You can take it back up with you the next time you come home for a visit."

I chuckled back under my breath. God, I really did miss her.

"Thanks, mom. You didn't have to do that," I mumbled appreciatively. My mom's cherry cobbler was my favourite dessert. And she was right. If I had been in a better mood I would have thought to ask what they were having and definitely would have requested that she save me some. I wouldn't have asked to make me whole extra one, though. That seemed like a lot of work.

"You're welcome. I thought it might be nice for you to have something on hand to share with company," she replied knowingly. My mom never openly referred to the fact that Olivia was pretty much the only person I would have over to my apartment that would be considered company, but she did acknowledge that I had 'company' regularly. I think it was her tactful way of acknowledging that her eighteen year old son had his girlfriend over to his place on a regular basis, without actually saying the words.

I sighed and nodded because it would be nice to share some of my mom's cobbler with my girl, but thinking about her just brought the worry about what I'd done right back to front of my mind.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have a minute to talk?" I mumbled. I felt bad for interrupting my mom's night, but I knew that I'd kick myself for not asking for her advice on this one. If there was anyone who would be able to give me advice about what to do with the most important girl in my life, it would be the lady who held that position before her.

There was a pause. I heard her putting down a pan and listened quietly while the voices in the background drifted away. The soft creaking sound I hear next told me that she'd stepped out onto the front porch of the house for privacy. She must have known by my tone that something was up.

"Sure, Seth. Is everything alright?" she asked with that quiet motherly concern that all mom's used when their kids voluntarily went to them for help.

"Um, not really. I just... I think I kind of messed up, actually," I mumbled nervously.

"Messed up what, Seth?"

"With Olivia," I breathed. "I think she's mad at me. Actually, I'm pretty sure she is. I just... I have no clue what I did to get her upset." I leaned my head back onto the headrest of the car and stared out at the stars in the sky. The back of my mind was busy connecting the dots between them, trying to make some sense of the chaos up there to form a shape, while the front of my mind was busy doing the same thing with my girl's behaviour, trying to piece together all of the little clue's she'd given me during the day that something was wrong, hoping to put them together to make some kind of clue as to how I messed up.

"Well, did she say that she was upset with you, Seth?" my mom asked quietly.

"No. Not directly," I explained. "But she's been short with me a few times today, and she was really quiet. She broke our plans to get together this afternoon, too because she said she had a headache, but then she called me after work to see if I could come over. She said that she wants to talk to me about something..." I trailed off, feeling kind of badly for not being able to explain my worries any better than that to my mom.

"Did you ask her if something was wrong?"

"Yeah, and she just said that she _hoped_ there wasn't and that she wanted to talk to me tonight. But I just... I don't know, mom. Something's _off_, you know? I can feel it. She was definitely upset with me for something. But I don't know what I did, and I'm kind of worried about going over there without knowing how to make up for it." God, I felt like such a heel admitting that to my mom. I told her about a million times how amazing Olivia was and how sweet and kind she is. Admitting to my mom that I'd been careless enough to do something to upset her and have no idea what it was made me feel like a cad.

My mom took a deep breath and sighed.

"You sound like you're beating yourself up over this, Seth. That's not like you," she said with concern.

"I know," I replied sincerely, "but..."

"But you love her, and she's important to you, and you don't like the thought that you might have hurt her... right?" my mom finished softly.

I had to clear my throat a couple of times before I could reply. There was just something so _right_ about hearing my mom acknowledge Olivia's place in my life like it was the most natural thing in the world. It wasn't like it was a secret or anything. Everyone at home knew I'd imprinted and fallen head over heels for her and that there was no turning back for me. I was a goner and couldn't be happier about it. But to hear my mom say it out loud kind of made it feel very real for me. It was like my old life and my family were really starting to blend in with my life here with her, making Olivia a part of everything. And I wanted that - more than anything I wanted her to be a part of everything in my life, and I wanted to be that for her, too.

"Yeah, mom. That's exactly it," I said gruffly, my voice thick with emotion.

"Oh, Seth. Listen to you..." she whispered with motherly pride.

I couldn't help my reaction to that. I was a grown man, but I blushed something fierce at hearing my mom get all proud and sentimental over how much I loved my girl just like she used to get over my accomplishments as a kid. It had me feeling like one all over again.

"Mom," I mumbled sheepishly.

"Sorry," she said with a short breathy chuckle. "I'm just having a moment over here, Seth. I'm your mother. I'm allowed."

I wasn't quite so sure about how to respond to that, so I just kind of let it hang there and gave my mom her time to have her moment and me a few seconds to get over feeling like a fourth grader who just won a national spelling bee.

"So what should I do?" I asked after the moment had passed, really hoping that my mom had something for me to go on.

"I don't want to pry," my mom started cautiously, "but you've mentioned that she's quiet and kind of reserved, which must make her hard to read sometimes. Do you talk with her? Does she open up to you?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Usually." Except for today. I was getting shut down at every turn.

"So there's your answer, Seth. Unfortunately I think the best thing you can do right now is leave this in her hands. Let her come to you and tell you what she's thinking and when she does, be ready to listen. _Then_ you can go about being your usual charming self to make up for it. If she's upset with you, you'll know how to smooth things over. You always do."

"But what if I don't? She's never been mad at me before, mom. What if I don't know what to do?"

"If she's as sweet as you say she is, she'll be happy with any effort you make, Seth. Most of the time women just want to know that you're listening and that you care about their concerns. As long as you do that you'll be fine. And if there's something you can do to make her feel better, then do it. If not, just make sure that she knows how sorry you are and assure her that you won't let it happen again. Whatever it is."

"You know I won't," I mumbled seriously. I thought back to all of the little arguments I'd ever witnessed between a wolf and their other halves and how, not matter how small or insignificant their imprint's concern seemed to the outside world, each wolf took it seriously and did whatever they could to address it, avoid it, fix it or take care of it. I knew that I'd be no different. Her happiness was everything to me.

"Yes. I do," my mom said firmly. She knew, too. She'd seen the other wolves in action almost as often as I had.

"Thanks, mom," I said sincerely. "Sorry to keep you from your guests."

She laughed. I heard the screen door squeak again as she opened it to step inside. I heard Charlie grumbling about where she'd disappeared to as she stepped in the door. "Oh, don't you worry about that, Seth. I'd be more concerned about keeping Charlie from his dessert. He's grown to be almost as fond of my cherry cobbler as you are."

Charlie mumbled a 'damn right' in the background.

I laughed and shook my head. My step-dad definitely discovered he had a sweet tooth after marrying my mom.

"Okay. I'll let you go. I have to grab some dinner and head over to Olivia's now anyway. I don't want to be late."

"Good luck, Seth. And remember what I said. Just listen and do what you can to reassure her and you'll be fine."

"Yeah, I will. Tell Charlie I said hi.

"Of course. Now get going. You were right about not wanting to be late. Women hate that."

Charlie grumbled a 'damn right about that, too' in the background, followed by 'almost as much as a man hates to be kept from his cobbler'.

"I'll call you later this week, mom," I said with a chuckle. "Bye."

"Bye, sunshine," she said just as we hung up. I shook my head as I flipped my phone closed and wondered about how embarrassing it was going to be to have Olivia hear that nickname for the first time whenever she happened to meet my mom. I was banking on a level eight or nine on a scale of one to ten. Only naked baby pictures could top it.

I thought about my mom's advice as I waited for the girl behind the counter to put together my two assorted footlong's and Olivia's ranch, chicken wrap with the dressing on the side, just in case she wanted to dip it today. I ordered a small salad with dressing on the side, too, just in case the wrap was too much for her this time of night. By the time I reached her dorm and rang the bell I was determined to be the best listener I could possibly be. I was armed with food, a set of ears and all the love in the world and ready to do whatever it was that she needed to be reassured just like my mom said.

All I had to do was figure out where I'd gone wrong. But there was no sense in worrying about it. She'd tell me when she had the chance to. And when she did, I was prepared to handle it.

I buzzed her apartment and she unlocked the door downstairs without greeting me with the intercom. I took the steps two at a time, climbing to the third floor quickly and took a deep breath to calm my nerves before knocking softly.

The door opened slowly a few seconds later and I stepped inside to find Olivia standing shyly behind the door.

My jaw kind of dropped as I took her in and then my brain started registering the rest of our surroundings as well, taking it all in.

I came over expecting have a quiet night with my girl full of apologizing for me being an ass in some way shape or form over a couple of subs, a wrap and some salad.

Apparently Olivia had other ideas.

That involved soft music.

And candles.

And her wearing a simple but completely unexpected knee length sweater - or dress - or a cross between the two - with short sleeves that clung to all her amazing curves and had a low-cut v-neck. Not _Amber _low cut... just enough to give me a peek at what was hiding underneath it from my height. Just enough to take to completely scramble my brain and take my breath away.

She looked _gorgeous_.

And I had absolutely no idea what to do.

I was officially feeling completely fucking confused.

* * *

**Poor Seth. He's a little lost here.  
**

**Don't worry folks, Olivia will help clear up all that confusion for him next chapter, I promise :-)  
**

**I know that I didn't get around to responding to reviews for the last chapter, and I'm very sorry for that (see top note for explanation). I'll do my best to get to them this time around, even if I have to balance my laptop on a pile of boxes to do it, lol!**

**Thank you so much for reading. **

**Until next time,**

**~H**


	25. What a Girl Wants

**Hi everyone! So... the house is almost packed and next week we're moving in with the in-laws. (Pray for me, lol.) **

**Thanks so much to all of you for your patience with me lately. I really do appreciate it.**

**Thank you to _shepeppy_ for staying up until midnight last night to beta this one. Do you see why I love her so much? She really is the best.  
**

**SM owns Twilight. Olivia owns Seth this chapter :-)**

* * *

**OPOV**

_Well... you did want him to gape... _my subconscious reminded me as I softly slicked the door shut behind me. I cringed internally. Yes, I had wanted that. But not like this. Seth wasn't gaping at me like he'd gaped at Nessie and Amber earlier. He was gaping at me in total confusion. It was written all over his face, from the way his brows scrunched together just the slightest bit, to the widening of his eyes. His posture spoke volumes, too. He was frozen on the spot, one hand gripping our supper, the other hanging somewhat limply at his side.

"Um... hi," I said, while nervously smoothing my hands down the sides of my dress.

Seth's wide eyes followed my hands as they ran over my hips then quickly snapped up to my face. He blinked a couple of times and swallowed somewhat thickly before whispering out his reply.

"Hey," he breathed, and then went back to his frozen state, staring at me like a puzzle he was trying to figure out.

I fidgeted with the fabric of my dress and then looked down at the carpet at my feet, feeling foolish. What had I been thinking? It was obvious that I'd taken him by surprise... and not in a good way like I'd hoped. I wasn't an expert on dating by any means, but I did know enough about it to be aware of the fact that if a girl invited her boyfriend over to her apartment at night and had taken the time to dress up a bit, do her hair and put on a little extra make up, he was supposed to like it. I wasn't sure what I'd expected in terms of a reaction from Seth, but his completely confused, silent and frozen state definitely was not it.

As it was, his non reaction was almost more painfully embarrassing than a negative one would have been. It was glaringly obvious to me that I'd surprised him beyond what he'd expected, and that he wasn't sure how to deal with what I'd done. I'd worried at the time about having gone overboard with things when I lit the candles around my apartment instead of turning on the lights and lamps and again when I'd set up my iPod to play lightly in the background – but I did those things anyway because, besides dressing up a bit, they were the only two suggestions from the 'How to Take Your Relationship with Your Man to the Next Level' article that I'd read this afternoon that I could reasonably see myself doing. The rest were just too... _bold_ for someone as shy and inexperienced as me.

But at that particular moment, I'd never been more grateful to be shy. I could only imagine how Seth's reaction would have gone from shocked to worse if I'd done some of the other things that were mentioned. With each passing second of his silence the air between us grew thicker and more awkward. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity had passed, I decided that I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Um, let me take that," I mumbled while reaching out for the bag in his left hand. I was careful to keep my head down so that my hair could hide my painfully embarrassed expression and my blush. It couldn't be any more obvious that we were not on the same page and I, for one, needed an escape. I planned to take our food to the kitchen and plate it and hoped that would be enough time for me to compose myself. I was definitely wishing that I could change out of the dress, too, seeing as I felt a little exposed in it to begin with. It showed a lot more skin at the neckline than I was used to and it had been years since I'd worn a skirt with bare legs. It wasn't short and covered everything above my knees, but the soft emerald green fabric of the sweater dress was clingy and it moulded to my body everywhere, making me feel like he could see parts of me that he hadn't before.

Parts of me that I was pretty sure I wanted him to see... but that it was looking more and more like he... didn't.

My hand shook a bit as it came in contact with the neck of the bag, making it rustle. That seemed to be what snapped Seth back into action.

"Olivia... what... what's going on?" he asked cautiously.

_Oh my Lord. Was I really so off-base that I have to explain this to him? _

I was mildly mortified at the thought.

"Nothing," I breathed as I tightened my hand around the bag in an attempt to steady it. There was no point in explaining things. It would only make both of us feel more awkward than before.

His free hand reached out towards me slowly until his fingertips rested on my ribs just above my waist. "This isn't nothing," he murmured in a low tone as his fingers slid gently down a couple of inches over the fabric of my dress. "And you've put all of this together..." He didn't have to specify what 'this' was. We both knew he was speaking about the candles and the music... the romantic date of sorts that I had tried to set up in my apartment for the evening.

I slipped away without answering and headed for the kitchen.

"I thought we'd eat on the couch tonight." My dining table was cluttered with pastels, chalks and a canvas I was working on for an assignment in my visual arts class. "I'll just get plates and something to drink."

Seth didn't respond, but after a moment I heard him make his way to the couch. After grabbing two plates, a bottle of water for me and a couple of sodas for Seth out of the kitchen, I made my way back to Seth. He'd taken a seat on the couch and was pulling our supper out of the bag he'd brought.

"I got you a wrap and a salad," he said quietly as I took my seat beside him. "I wasn't sure which one you'd want, because I know you don't like to eat much late at night. So I got both so you could decide." By the time he was finished talking he'd laid out all of my food. I had to smile at the display before me. I couldn't help it. A chicken wrap with a small plastic tub of ranch dressing sat next to a garden salad with another small plastic tub containing a pink dressing that just had to be my favourite raspberry vinaigrette. From what I could see he also remembered to order both my salad and wrap without onions, too, just the way that I liked it.

"Oh my goodness, Seth," I whispered, in awe of his thoughtfulness and how attentive he'd been in noticing all of my little idiosyncrasies when it came to food.

"I know it's a lot," he replied somewhat nervously, "but you don't have to eat it all. You can just keep whatever you don't eat for tomorrow."

"I know," I murmured. "It was just really thoughtful of you to remember all of this," I said honestly while waving my hand over the food in front of me. I smiled and looked up into his dark eyes. "Thank you," I whispered softly.

He smiled back, looking a little bit relieved. "Anytime."

We ate in mostly comfortable silence after that. I chose the salad and busied myself with poking through it, trying my best not to spill any dressing on my one and only dress. I'd owned it for almost a year and had only worn it once, to a church charity dinner with my family, but at the time I'd paired it with a cream camisole and black tights, effectively covering almost all of the skin that was currently exposed. It was more appropriate for a church function that way and to be honest, I wouldn't have been comfortable going out in public with it any other way.

I finished eating before Seth did. I set down my salad plate and sat back, being careful to cross my legs as I got comfortable. Seth cleared his throat somewhat loudly as I sat back and I offered him a sip of water from the bottle I was nursing, concerned that he might have been choking.

"No," he croaked out, before clearing his throat again. "No, I'm fine," he murmured. I frowned as he sat his second sandwich down after that. He wasn't even halfway done with it yet and it wasn't like him not to finish. "I'm curious, though," he said as he joined me sitting back on the couch. "You said that you wanted to talk, but you've been awfully quiet tonight. All day, really."

_Oh wow. This is it, isn't it? _

I couldn't help but wonder if there was any point to asking him what I wanted to, at that point though. I frowned as I considered the option of just letting it go and not asking him. It didn't sit right with me. I wanted us to be on the same page and because of my own hesitancy with the topic we hadn't really talked about things with regards to being... intimate... much, if at all. I knew that it needed to be done. Certain things just couldn't be left unsaid or go unquestioned. And I also knew that no matter how hard it might be to listen to him admit that maybe he wasn't as interested or attracted to me as I was to him, it would be better to know and have it out in the open, rather than to waste time and energy worrying about it.

I took a deep breath and nodded in response to the questioning look in his eye. It was definitely time to talk.

"Yeah," I breathed. "I do."

"Okay," he replied softly. "I'm all ears."

"Right," I breathed. My palms were starting to dampen a bit with my nerves over talking to him about things, so I slid them down my legs over the soft fabric of the dress until I reached the hem. My fingers toyed with it, giving my eyes something to focus on other than Seth's wide open, attentive gaze.

A moment or two later the silence had stretched on between us a little too long to be comfortable. I knew what I wanted to say, but for some reason my mouth just wouldn't let me get the words out. I wasn't sure why, but I couldn't deny that I was nervous to ask him about his past relationships, especially the one with his most recent ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, though, I had a feeling that she would be the one I'd need to speak with him about. I just wasn't sure if I was ready to hear it.

"You really shouldn't do that," Seth whispered roughly as his large, warm hand covered both of mine, stilling them. "You'll ruin your pretty dress."

"You... um... you like my dress?" I whispered incredulously. He hadn't said a thing about it since he'd gotten here. To hear that he liked it – especially enough to call it 'pretty' like he'd complimented Amber and Nessie earlier – was surprising to say the least. My eyes fluttered nervously over to his and then widened when I saw the serious expression on Seth's face.

"Yeah," he breathed, then swallowed thickly. His eyes shifted towards our hands at the hem of my skirt and then back up to my face quickly. "It looks amazing on you."

"Really?" I breathed.

He raised his brows a bit at my surprised tone and nodded slowly while chuckling to himself.

"Yeah," he replied easily, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "It's just a little... distracting seeing you in something like this. That's all."

"Really?" I asked again stupidly. I could have kicked myself at that point for not being able to find anything else to say other than that word, over and over again. I couldn't seem to help it, though. I was just so genuinely surprised that he liked it considering his lack of reaction to it and me when he got here.

"Are you kidding me, Liv?" he asked. He shook his head back and forth slowly and bit his lip. I'd never seen him do that before... but there was something about it, something about the way that his eyes lit up as they swept over me again... something that told me that he was biting hip lip because he was trying to hold back...

And, _wow_. Wasn't that something to consider...

"Well... you mentioned that you liked skirts, so..." I murmured while fidgeting with the hem of mine again. I gazed at my hands under his as my fingers slowly picked at and slid back and forth over the edge of the fabric nervously.

"I what?" he asked in quiet confusion. His hand tightened a bit over mine, stilling them again.

I shrugged and kept my eyes locked on our hands. "You told Amber that you thought skirts were nice for a date," I murmured softly as I gave away the fact that I'd been listening a lot more closely to their conversation this morning than I appeared to be at the time. I wasn't sure why, but I felt badly for bringing it up this way. It felt as though I'd been eavesdropping, even though I knew that I hadn't been. "So I thought that maybe you'd like it if I wore one," I whispered shakily, "for a date... of sorts." I thought I would qualify what I'd set up for us in my apartment as a date out loud. I was pretty sure that I'd missed the mark and he hadn't caught on to what I'd been trying to do. It wasn't much, but it was the best that I could do in such a short amount of time, and it was the only _place_ I could do it if I was going to be dressed the way that I was. There was just simply no way I would have mustered up the courage to wear something like this out in public. None at all.

I felt Seth stiffen at my side. His fingers twitched minutely around mine. And then...

_Then..._

His index finger uncurled... reached out... and brushed back and forth lightly over the skin of my thigh just past the hem of my skirt.

I felt the skin there and around it tingle, ripple and pebble with goose bumps and flare with a small rush of heat.

_Oh... my... wow._

"You did all of this for me, because of what I said to Amber today?" he asked softly. His finger paused as he waited for my answer, and I did my best to focus on what I wanted to say to him, instead of the protest my skin was waging at the loss of his warm touch.

"I... yes," I mumbled out honestly, and then proceeded to contradict that statement with another one that was equally as honest. "And no."

"Liv?" He squeezed my hand in his, a silent signal between us that usually meant one of two things. Either he was reassuring me or he wanted me to look at him. I took a deep breath and let it out shakily as I brought my eyes up to meet his. He didn't continue talking once I did. The confusion and worry written all over his face was enough of a motivator to snap me out of my nervous stupor for the most part and get me talking.

I held his dark eyes with mine and decided, once and for all, to open up. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I was aware that it might be embarrassing, or even painful for me to talk about things, but I needed to do it. And Seth didn't deserve to be kept in the dark about what I was thinking.

"I noticed your reaction to Nessie and Amber today," I breathed quietly. My words tumbled out quickly, one on top of the other. The dam had been broken. Once I had decided to talk, there was no stopping, not even for the bewildered look on Seth's face once I'd started. "And I couldn't help but notice how different it was to how you react to me sometimes," I rushed out. Seth jaw dropped and his lips parted as he narrowed his eyes in confusion. "You seemed pretty tongue tied, and a bit... preoccupied after they walked in the diner earlier," I explained quickly when it didn't seem like he understood what I was talking about.

His eyes lit up suddenly in understanding and he drew in a quick breath as if to start talking, but I continued before he could. I had to finish and I knew that if I stopped at that point I might not get the chance. Seth had a way of making me forget my worries and I didn't want that tonight. I wanted to deal with them, once and for all.

"I'm not mad," I continued quickly in a quiet whisper, "but I won't lie. It did bother me. Just not for the reasons you probably think it did." I paused briefly to draw a quick breath. My throat was tight with nerves so it took a fraction of a second longer than it normally would have and Seth tried to use that as an opportunity to reply.

"Liv, I-" he began earnestly, holding my eyes with wide ones of his own while shaking his head quickly.

"Please," I interrupted quietly. I felt badly for doing it. I knew it was impolite, but I needed to finish. I simply had to. "Please let me finish."

Seth's mouth closed and he seemed to swallow his words thickly. His hand tightened around mine and the other went to scratch at the back of his neck worriedly. His eyes looked pained and didn't stray from mine for a second... but he didn't continue, and I was relieved, because that meant that I could.

"So, yes... I did all of this because I thought you'd like it... based on what I saw and heard today." He frowned deeply and shook his head as his lips flattened out into a thin line in an obvious effort to keep from interrupting me again.

I paused here and took a deep breath, filling myself with air like it contained the courage I was naturally lacking to help me say what I needed to say next, because this was the hardest part for me by far.

"But I also did it for me," I murmured. "Because I love you and I want to be what you _want_..." My hands shook under his a bit, along with my voice, as I finished. "In every sense of the word," I whispered softly, "just like you are, for me."

Seth was literally gaping at me silently for a moment or two when I stopped. He seemed to be searching my eyes for signs that I'd finished. He must have found what he was looking for in them, because a moment later his hands reached up to cradle my face, thumbs stroking my cheeks lightly.

"You're _everything_ that I want, Liv," he breathed as he leaned forward slowly covering the distance between us.

I shook my head slightly and felt my nose brush lightly against his. "It's okay, you know," I murmured quickly, honestly. "I know that I'm not exactly the type of girl that guys react to... the – the way you reacted to Nessie and Amber. You –"

"It was Jake," he breathed so quickly I could barely make out the words. There was a frantic edge to his voice and his eyes looked a little wild as they glanced between mine quickly. "Jake was the one who I was preoccupied with - not them."

"Jacob?" I questioned hesitantly. That didn't make any sense to me whatsoever.

"There were a lot of guys looking at Nessie today," he explained quietly. "They were commenting, too, and they weren't always... polite. It was driving Jake nuts. I thought he was going to lose it with a few of them. It was him I was watching, Liv. Not Amber or Nessie." His voice sounded so sincere it was almost as though he was pleading with me.

I frowned and looked deep into his dark brown eyes, trying to make sense of what he was saying. It wasn't easy though. Nessie and Amber both looked beautiful and they were right in front of him the whole time... not to mention Amber's antics...

I arched a brow skeptically and swallowed nervously before I replied, unsure of whether or not I wanted to know his reply to my next question. "Not even Amber," I whispered shyly, "as she was... _leaning_ over the table?" It was the politest way I could think of wording it without insulting her.

Seth grimaced and shook his head, gazing at me steadily. "She's got nothing I want to see," he said earnestly. "You're the girl I love. The only one I want to see is you."

"Why did you call them pretty? You said that every guy in the diner noticed them..." I asked feeling every bit as small and jealous as the question probably made me sound. But I couldn't seem to help it. I needed to know why he said what he did. "And why did you tell Amber that you liked her skirt?"

"Because Nessie needed to hear it and I didn't want to be rude to Amber by leaving her out," he answered slowly. "Jake's taking a little longer to come around then Nessie hoped and I could see that she was disappointed with his reaction to her. I didn't want her to think that he didn't notice. When I said _every _guy, it included him, too. I was just trying to help her out." He paused here and pulled back a bit, putting a couple of inches between us. His large, warm hands still cradled my face, but his thumbs stilled and he pressed his palms into my skin as if he were trying to seal in a promise with his next set of words. "And I don't care either way about Amber's skirt... but I was really hoping John might."

"Why?" I breathed curiously.

"Because regardless of what you think of yourself, you definitely _are_ the type to get noticed, Liv. And he notices. _All _the time," he replied earnestly. He shrugged a shoulder and continued in a whisper. "I'd just rather have him noticing her than you."

It was my turn to gape now. I felt my brow furrow together as I thought about what he was implying, but it didn't seem to make much sense. It almost sounded as if Seth was saying that _he_ was jealous... of John.

"John's just a friend," I whispered softly, more to myself than Seth.

"Friends don't always stay _just_ friends," he murmured somewhat defensively, and for the first time since we started talking his eyes darted away from mine while he took a deep breath. I got the feeling that he was referring to something specific with that comment and wondered whether or not he was referring to his ex-girlfriend and the guy that she cheated on him with. It still bewildered me. I couldn't fathom why anyone would cheat on a guy that was as amazing as Seth.

His eyes flickered back up to mine after a moment. I was pleased to see that they were warm and the soft smile on his face was sweet. "But you can always count on this, Olivia. You'll _always_ be my type. You're _perfect_ for me. I'm not interested in any other girl I see and I won't be ever again."

_Wow. Just... wow. _

His words and the surety with which he spoke them echoed in my head. 'Ever again'. It sounded so absolute. So permanent... almost unquestionable coming from him.

'Ever again.'

_But... what about before?_ I wondered hesitantly.

"Seth," I whispered. "Can I ask you something personal?"

_Oh Lord, Olivia. Keep it together.  
_

My heart was picking up speed with nerves and a bit of anxiety as I tried not to picture what I was going to ask him about.

His smile fell a bit as if he were hoping for a better reaction to what he'd told me. It wasn't that I didn't find it reassuring, it was just that I felt like I needed to figure him out a bit more before I could really have faith in the fact that what he'd said was true. I wanted to know what he liked and I truly hoped that I could be what he needed me to be. As much as it pained me to admit it to myself, I knew that if he did have some experience with someone else, it might help him figure out what he wanted and needed and whether or not I could really be all of that for him.

"Yeah," he replied. "You can always ask me anything you want, Liv."

"Kay," I replied and took a long, deep breath myself. I wasn't stalling. I really wasn't... "You told me that you thought you loved your ex-girlfriend." He nodded and let his hands fall from my face, back to where they were before. One was on my thigh over top of mine, the other worrying the back of his neck slightly at the mention of her. He frowned before he answered.

"Yeah. I thought I did," he admitted quietly. "But it was nothing like this for me, Olivia. No where even close."

I nodded quickly and then pushed on with my final question before I lost my nerve. "Did you,' I paused to swallow a sudden lump in my throat, "did you two... ever... um... did you..." Lord help me. I couldn't seem to get the words out. "Was _she _everything that you wanted, at the time?"

His shoulders sank a bit and he frowned again sadly. "I kind of thought so... yeah," he mumbled.

"Did she... _want _you, too?" I whispered shakily.

His face went completely serious to the point that his expression was almost blank. "Are you asking me if we... ever..." He cleared his throat and swallowed thickly. "Are you asking me if we were _together_, together?" he murmured.

I held his eyes as I nodded minutely and even though I didn't want to, I felt myself holding my breath, waiting for his answer.

"Yeah," he breathed hesitantly. His gaze dropped to our hands. "Yeah we were."

I found myself nodding gently in silent acknowledgment of what he'd just revealed, even though my breath was still caught in my throat and my stomach dropped a bit. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, now that I knew for sure. It wasn't a shock. I knew it was a possibility. Seth was everything a girl could want and if I felt that way about him, it made sense that someone else had, too.

"Does it bother you?" he whispered cautiously.

"Um..." I mumbled. "No," I answered honestly. It didn't bother me, that wouldn't have been fair considering all that had happened to me and how supportive he'd been about everything. But I did envy the girl who'd been with him before, even if I was extremely glad that she hadn't been smart enough to hang on to him. "I - I don't like... thinking about it. But no, Seth." I lifted my gaze to his cautious one and shrugged. "I honestly can't imagine any girl _not_ wanting to be with you."

His expression softened and he licked his lips. The hand behind his neck reached out to tuck my hair behind my ear slowly as he spoke. "There's only one I'm interested in being with."

My heart felt like it jumped and skipped a beat in my chest.

_Did he really just say that... to me? He wants to be with me?_

"Really?" I breathed again.

He nodded slowly and seriously. "Someday. Whenever she's ready."

My heart stuttered in my chest as I digested the sweet sincerity of his words.

"And if... she thinks... she's ready to try..." I whispered shakily, "with _you_?" I emphasized. I wanted Seth to know that it was _him_ that was making me feel that way - that deep in my heart I knew that Seth was the only one I could ever imagine myself trusting with all of me.

His eyebrows lifted and he eyed me with an expression that was the oddest mix of surprise, caution and wonderment I'd ever seen. The hand that moved my hair cupped my cheek again. "You don't have to be," he murmured while stroking my cheek with his thumb. "I'm not in any hurry."

I smiled softly and leaned into his hand. "I know," I whispered. And I did. I so,_ so_ did. He'd more than earned my trust in that department. "I just..." I shrugged, ducked my head and blushed, wondering if I would ever find the courage to tell the amazing man in front of me just how much I wanted to be with him.

It turned out that I didn't have to, though. Apparently Seth understood where I was coming from without me having to say the words. He leaned forward until our lips touched, gently brushing together.

"I love you, too," he breathed.

I was the one to close the minute gap between us in a kiss. I pressed my lips to his softly, tentatively. He returned my kiss briefly and sweetly before pulling back to rub his nose against mine. "We'll have to go slowly... lead up to it, okay?" he whispered while glancing between my eyes. "I don't want to scare you or hurt you, Liv. We'll just do what feels right for you... no rush... no pressure, okay? We'll get there when we get there."

I nodded, letting my nose brush against his as he did before. "Will you show me what feels right for you, too?" I breathed.

He leaned in to kiss me softly. "Everything feels right with you, Liv," he mumbled around my lips.

"I want to know, though," I mumbled back. "Promise me you'll show me."

Before I could utter another word I found myself being picked up and cradled into Seth's warm chest as he stood.

"Okay," he murmured around another soft kiss as he carried me toward my room. "I promise."

* * *

***smiles* **

** Until next time,**

**~H**


	26. Promises and Bravery

**Hi everyone (if anyone is still there, lol). I'm back. Sorry this took so long.**

**_If you're here and reading this, I want to extend a big, gigantic thank you to for not flouncing on me. _  
**

**Here's what happened over the last few chapters. Since it's been so long I figure that you could probably use a refresher:  
**

_Olivia had a bad day and was a bit upset with Seth for ogling Nessie and Amber at the diner. _

_Seth got worried after she cancelled a date with him that afternoon and kind of gave him the silent treatment. _

_He went wolf and watched her at work for a while. _

_She called him before she was about to close and asked him to meet him at her house afterwards but didn't want him to pick her up like she usually did.  
_

_Seth was pretty sure he'd done something to mess up, but wasn't sure what it was. _

_He called his mom, got some good advice and headed over to Olivia's apartment, ready to make amends.  
_

_When he got there Olivia shocked Seth by dressing up, putting a bit of make up on and lighting some candles.  
_

_After getting past some nerves and shyness on Olivia's part, Seth found out that Olivia was jealous of the attention he gave to the other girls and wasn't sure how attracted he was to her.  
_

_They talked and Seth confessed that he wasn't a virgin.  
_

_Olivia admitted that she wanted him and Seth promised that they would move the physical aspect of their relationship forward a bit - together.  
_

**Okay, that's about where we left off.  
**

**This is completely unbeta'd. As a matter of fact, _shepeppy_ will probably be as shocked about me posting this as you are. I haven't even had time to call her on the phone for a couple of weeks (we're best friends, and that's shameful, I know). Anyhow, please forgive my mistakes. I was just so happy to finally have time to finish the chapter, that I wanted to post it right away.  
**

**Chapter Song: Undisclosed Desires - Muse  
**

**SM own Twilight. I own Seth and Olivia in this chapter.  
**

* * *

**SPOV**

I made a couple of other promises as I walked toward Olivia's room with her in my arms. It didn't matter to me that they were silent and that she'd never hear a word of them. I'd never break a promise to her, unspoken or not. So when I swore to myself that I'd do my best to make her feel safe and loved every time we touched, I meant it. And when I promised that I would never do something as stupid as hold back on what I was feeling for her in order to protect her again, I meant that, too. I'd show her how much I loved her and wanted her every day, every way I could. I meant it when I told her that she was everything I wanted.

I just barely managed not to shake my head at my own stupidity as I kissed her softly and lowered gently to the bed in her room. She was way off the mark earlier when she said that nothing was wrong. Everything was wrong if she thought for even a second that I didn't want her. I was more right than I thought earlier. I _did_ screw up – royally. She questioned what I was feeling for her... how much I loved her and wanted her. And that was a mistake so bad it was almost a crime.

As she sunk into the mattress, I settled on my side next to her and stared, thinking about how much I had to make up for, and decided that there was no better time to start then right now.

"You look gorgeous in this dress," I murmured as I wound my arms around her tiny waist and pulled her to me. Big baby blues peered up at me from under her thick black lashes as I ran a hand down the soft fabric on her back. She ducked her head shyly and stared at her fingertips as they traced patterns on the front of my shirt.

"Thank you," she mumbled back.

Only I wasn't having that... not anymore. I didn't want her shy acceptance. I wanted her to know that I said it because I really felt that way. I wanted her to believe it.

So I tightened my arms around her and pulled every single inch of her curvy little frame into mine. "I mean it," I whispered huskily as one hand slid into her thick, black hair. I leaned down to kiss her neck and breathed her in. "Should have told you when I got here," I mumbled apologetically into her skin.

She huffed out a shaky breath. "It's okay."

I shook my head and ran my lips over the soft skin of the hollow between her collar bone and throat. "S'not," I mumbled truthfully. I slid the hand that was in her hair to her waist, over the curve of her hip and did something I'd never done with her before... I skimmed my hand down over her thigh, gently pulled her leg over mine and rolled my hips right into hers.

She gasped.

I shuddered.

She was warm and soft.

I was hot and hard – for her.

"Don't ever think I don't want you," I huffed out. "I do. All the time. I _need _you, Liv," I confessed honestly to her neck and jaw as I kissed them softly. "I was just waiting, letting us go at your pace, do what you wanted."

There was nothing but silence between us for a couple of breaths as we laid there on our sides, our bodies curved around each other, my face buried in her hair and neck, her legs curled around mine.

"I want _you_," she breathed softly, hands sliding, one to rest on the back of my neck, the other on my collar. Her hips shifted into mine just the tiniest bit, pressing us together where she was soft and I was hard and it just felt so damn _good_...

I huffed out a breath into her hair and held her against me, needing her right where she was, not wanting her to move back. I kissed my way over jaw, all the way down to her chin and then found her mouth. I made sure to keep my kisses light and just pulled at her small, soft lips with mine as I pressed right back into her and let my hand wander lightly over the skin of her thigh that was exposed when I shifted her leg over my hip. I think I sighed into her mouth a little bit as I did. She had amazing legs. They were toned and shaped just right from all the running she did at the gym, and with her thigh draped over my hip the way that it was and us pressed together the way we were, I could tell that they were just long enough to wrap around me... hold us together...

And _goddamn_ if that thought didn't make me hard enough to cut granite.

Without consciously thinking about it, I deepened our kisses, letting my tongue slide out to taste my girl's subtle warmth and sweetness. My hand moved at the same time without me asking it to, sliding her thigh up from where it was laying across my hip, over to my waist... and that's when we lined up just _perfectly_.

I groaned while she pulled in a stuttered breath around my lips... and then everything just happened. I rolled into her, she rolled into me, my eyes rolled into the back of my head, her fingers tightened on my shirt and the back of my neck, and we kissed and rocked together like we were made to do it... again, and again, and again.

After a couple of minutes she pulled back and panted softly in the small space between us. I paused with her and glanced down through heavy lids to check her eyes. They were hooded and blinking quickly. She glanced up and caught my stare, freezing as our eyes locked together, except for the quick rise and fall of her chest against mine.

"Hi," I whispered huskily with a small smile after a moment or two. She was just too adorable not to smile at, all flushed and wide-eyed and curious.

"Hi," she breathed back seriously.

She didn't return my smile right away. "You okay?" I asked softly.

"So much better than okay," she whispered with a soft blush.

And I beamed. I think my face literally lit up with a smile.

"Yeah?"

"Hmm," she hummed quietly. Her eyes were dancing between mine. Her tiny, soft fingers twitched a bit, then gripped both my neck and my shirt in her hands and pulled me closer again, until there was nothing between us but a couple of millimetres and our own breath. "I love you, Seth," she whispered. And then she kissed me like she never had before. Her lips caught mine sweetly and softly, but there was something about it, something a little... selfish. Like she was kissing me because she wanted to... _really_ wanted to.

That's when I really knew that she didn't just _want _more, she _needed_ more from me. Any little shadow of doubt or worry I had about moving too fast or her not being ready for more just drifted away. All I was left with was the warmth and light I always felt when we were together, running through my veins.

And so when her little body began to curve around mine, I didn't question it, didn't stop it. I actually did the opposite. I let my hand wander around on the smooth skin of her thigh as it crept up higher on my waist. My other hand wandered down to the small of her back and hugged her to me, and as she held me tighter, I did too. We stayed that way, literally wrapped and wound up in each other on our sides until we were reaching for more. We'd been winding together, connected in all the right places, and it was leaving us both wanting more.

"Oh," she whimpered in that sweet breathy way she had as I wound into her a little harder, with more purpose, aiming for that sweet spot that I knew she'd like. I shuddered and buried my face in her neck, wanting to be connected to her in any way I could.

_Damn_... I was dying inside.

Being with her like this was a million times better than I could ever have imagined. We were just so in sync. We just seemed to 'get' each other. Her body would reach out shyly like it was asking mine a question, and mine seemed to respond with just the right answer. It was like having a conversation without words.

Except then there were words... from her. As I wound my way into her again, grinding the tip of me into that sweet spot again, her head rolled back, eyes closed, cheeks flushed and she whispered.

"Seth... I... I..."

She didn't have to say anymore. It wasn't necessary. I could feel and smell and practically taste what she needed in the air.

"Liv," I whispered into the skin of her neck before kissing my way up to her ear the way I'd done a hundred times before, the way I knew she liked. "Can I touch you?" I breathed softly, letting my fingers linger high up on the skin of her thigh at the hem of her skirt so she'd know what I meant.

Her breath caught and then blew out in that stuttered way that told me she was just as wound up as I was. I nuzzled her neck with my nose and let my thumb run over the hem of her skirt on the inside of her thigh where it lay against my waist as she thought it through. It wasn't long before I got my answer... and it was somuch more that I was expecting that I was almost completely caught off guard by it.

"Please. But," she whispered, "but... only if I can, too."

I huffed out a breath, blowing her hair away from my face and into the pillow beneath her head and froze.

_Holy. Shit. _

_Did she really just ask me that? Did my shy and cautious girl really just almost _beg_ for me to touch her and let her touch me back?_

"Liv?" I questioned, "You don't have to. Just let me..." I breathed. I didn't want her to think that I expected anything from her. I just wanted to please _her_, make _her_ feel good... to show her how good it can be, if I could. I wanted to give her what she needed. Her entire body was telling me that she needed to be touched and teased and treasured, and that was just what I had planned to do.

She shook her head. "You promised to show me what you liked," she breathed back. "I want to..._together_. Please."

_Together_.

She was right. It wasn't until she said the word that I realized that it was the way it was supposed to be with us. Together – always with her and me, never just one of us, not about this.

"Okay," I murmured, "together."

She let out a breath I didn't realize she'd been holding and relaxed back into the pillow until I could see her face. Her baby blues shone out at me from under long, black lashes, bright and loving and sure. "Thank you," she murmured back.

I held her eyes as our hands started to move, mine up past and under the hem of her skirt, loving how she felt softer and warmer under my fingertips with every inch I got closer to her heaven, and hers down over the front of my shirt until she clasped and toyed with the button at the top of my fly with her hand.

"I should probably warn you that it's only me under there," I mumbled and felt my face flush a bit at admitting to my reserved girl that I was going commando under my jeans. Something just made me feel like I should tell her though, in case she was expecting something else. "It's kind of a wolf thing," I explained so she'd know why. I shrugged a little with one shoulder. "Easier ."

She blinked a few times quickly and blushed a bit in return. "Would you rather I didn't...?" she asked and trailed off at the very obvious end of that sentence.

_Ummm... wow. Yeah. Not sure how to answer that one_. Did I want her to? Hell _yeah_ I did... but only if she was ready for that.

"Your choice," I breathed, leaving the ball in her court, where it belonged.

"Kay," she mouthed back without making a sound. She blinked a couple of times and took a deep breath. And then she did it. Her tiny fingers gently poked at the button and within a second or two, popped it free.

The air between us got even thicker after that. We still had our eyes locked on each other and somehow our breathing had synced up so both of us were panting in and out at the same time.

I reached out with my index finger, letting it slide up and over the last bit of warm, soft flesh between my hand and her heat until I made it to the edge of the only piece of soft fabric separating her from me. I traced my finger up where the soft cotton met her skin and took a deep breath, breathing in her thick cherry and chocolate scent. Then I slipped it back down and slid under the fabric to brush against her warmth and wetness just as she popped the second button on my jeans and her tiny warm fingertips brushed against _me_.

_Ungh. Oh... holy... ._

I sucked in a gasp at the same time that she did. Only hers was a heck of a lot sexier than mine ... all breathy and high pitched and ... _unf._ Just _hot_.

_Mm. _

I probably liked that more than I should. When she made little noises like that it just did things to me – good things, amazing things – that made me want to see if I could get her to make more of them.

And what she did to me with her touch...

That one little brush of her fingertips on me had me quaking from head to toe. The instant her skin came in contact with mine, _there_, I became a live wire. All that light that poured through me when we were together like this just... energized and shocked my body from head to toe, in the best possible way. It definitely gave a whole new meaning to the phrase 'turned on'. This was _literally_ the definition of it. I was completely and totally turned on and tuned in and ready to love her any and every way she wanted me to.

"Seth?" she whispered in my ear, calling me to attention.

"Yeah?"

"Can you... do something... for me?" she asked tentatively.

"Anything," I answered immediately, ready to be commanded.

"Can you... um... can we..." she paused and swallowed thickly before continuing. "Can we... take them off?" she murmured almost silently.

I think I gaped.

"Um..." I replied dumbly, feeling completely conflicted about how I should answer her. Part of me was obviously excited and turned on at the thought of it, another part of me was proud of her for being brave enough to even suggest it... but then there was also the part of me that was worried about getting carried away... I mean, yeah, I wasn't wearing any underwear, and by the feel of it, she'd already worked through another couple of buttons on my jeans, so those were on their way down or off, too. But her skirt was already up over her hips and if the panties came off we'd be so -

"Please," she said again, interrupting my thoughts. "I... can we do this without anything between us?" Her eyes and tone were cautious and a bit guarded but totally sincere. She was being completely serious.

This time I _knew_ I gaped. Shocked wasn't the word for how I felt. I was actually speechless for a moment just thinking about what she'd suggested. I think my jaw literally hit the mattress when it fell, while my dick seemed to be jumping for joy and my thoughts were running everywhere in between.

_Holy hell. Her – me – _naked_ on the bed._

_Shit, we're supposed to take this slow..._

"Nothing?" I breathed incredulously.

Her brow furrowed and her gaze dropped to my chest. She slid up and away from me a bit, causing my hand to rest on her thigh, and then slipped both of her arms around me, pulling me close. She buried her face in my neck and took a couple of deep breaths.

"I was dressed," she murmured quietly in my ear after a moment. "_Before._" My breath hitched painfully and caught in my throat when I realized what she was telling me. "I was wearing a skirt and he – he didn't – he just..." she paused and took a breath while I pieced it all together in my mind. At least I knew now why she was so nervous about the skirt, seeing as the _bastard_ took advantage of her wearing one. "I... I don't want this to be anything like that. Please. I just want to be with _you_... just you." She trembled and then pulled back and looked up at me with wide blue eyes. "I'm sorry. Is that wrong of me to ask?" she whispered hesitantly.

"No," I whispered immediately and shook my head at her. "Don't be sorry. It was perfect of you to ask. I want you to be comfortable. I was just... surprised."

"In a bad way?"

I shook my head at her worried tone and chuckled under my breath at her. She was just too adorably apprehensive about this.

"No, Liv. _Definitely_ not in a bad way," I said softly. Like her asking me to get naked with her could _ever _be a bad thing... I arched an eyebrow at her to let her know what I meant, then bent down to kiss her gently while turning down the covers behind her. I had an idea that would hopefully make this easier on her. I knew what she wanted to _feel_, but I also knew that she was shy and inexperienced and that it might be better if we built up to seeing each other that way.

"Why don't we climb under the covers for this?" I suggested softly.

Her face softened and she flushed, smiling just the tiniest bit. "I'd love that," she murmured.

I held up her side of the covers while she climbed in then quickly dipped under them on my side while she got settled. We didn't say anything for a moment or two once were both under there, we just stared in each other's eyes. I didn't want things to get awkward, so I was just about to break the silence when I felt her soft fingertips slip under the hem of my shirt and rest on my abs.

"Can I?" she asked quietly, shifting up the fabric just a bit.

"Yeah," I whispered back, smiling at her confidence.

Her fingers slid lightly over my skin, making me shiver a bit as she slowly worked my shirt up. I raised my arms and pulled it the rest of the way off, tossing it over my shoulder and on to the floor. Her eyes darted down to my chest as her fingers ran up and over me. She didn't say anything, just looked and touched. I stayed silent and still and let her explore a bit since she'd never seen me without a shirt before.

"So strong," she whispered to herself softly enough that I knew I wasn't supposed to have heard it. "And so sweet," she added, before placing a soft kiss right above my heart.

I couldn't help but kiss her then. The way she loved me left me speechless sometimes. I knew without a doubt that her heart was worth its weight in gold, and then some. And there she was, handing it to me along with the rest of her, trusting me and loving me right back. I slipped my arms around her waist and held her to me, capturing her soft lips with mine, tasting her.

"I love you,too," I murmured around her lips. She sighed and melted in to me as her hands slowly migrated down to the waistband of my jeans.

We didn't speak any more after that. It was like we didn't need to. After a minute or two our kisses were just as heated as they were before. Our bodies rolled together again and this time our hands gently shifted clothing, too. She slid my jeans over and down my hips, while I slid her dress up and over her body. When our hands had reached as far as they could go we broke our kiss and gently helped each other out of our clothes until mine were completely gone and she was just in a simple set of black bra and panties.

And _wow. _I'd be lying if I said that they weren't hotter on her than anything I'd seen on any Victoria's Secret model before – or anyone else for that matter. She was just all smooth, creamy white skin, perfectly proportioned curves and tiny scraps of plain black fabric.

Simple. Understated. Gorgeous.

Exactly my kind of _hot._

And then... _then _it got even better. Because sometime during the five seconds or so that my brain had taken to basically gawk at her incredibly beautiful body, she'd lifted her hands and undid the front clasp of her bra. The muted snapping sound of the clasp coming undone was enough to make me realize what was going on. I swallowed thickly and reached for her hands as soon as I heard it, knowing what I wanted to do, but really needing to be sure of how she felt about it, too.

"Olivia, are you sure about this?"

She peeked up at me shyly through her lashes and nodded. I smiled a bit at the combination of her unexpected bravery and mild blush. She was shy about it, but she was definitely sure about what she wanted.

"Let me?" I asked quietly.

"Okay," she whispered.

Her hands may not have been shaking – she was surprisingly steady – but mine did as I held that tiny little clasp in my hand. Who knew that a small piece of black cotton and a simple, tiny black bow could weigh so much? They didn't weigh anything, really, but in my mind she was handing me something immense. She was showing me that she trusted me with her body by letting me see and touch all of her. So those tiny pieces of cotton and the little black satin bow covering her skin meant a whole lot to me. By letting me do this she was handing her trust over to me on a silver platter and I knew exactly what that was worth.

It was everything to me.

So when I let go of the little black bow and the fabric slid apart I didn't fight the lump of emotions clogging up my throat and tightening my chest. I just gave into them and let myself appreciate the gift she was giving me.

The first thing I did was kiss her right over her heart in exactly the same spot she'd kissed me and whisper that I loved her so that she could hear me. I kissed my way up the soft skin of her chest, over her collar bone and the hollow of throat to her neck as one of my hands slowly slid her tiny black panties down her legs and the other wound between her and the mattress to find the small of her back. When I was done, I kissed her lips, pulling them slowly between my own as our arms wrapped around each other and I pulled us together, nothing between us, skin to skin, legs intertwined, her small body wrapped up in mine.

"God... _Liv_," I breathed heavily into her mouth as she exhaled a large sigh into mine. I didn't know what else to say... how else to tell her how good it felt to be so close to her because, for me, those two words summed it up. It was like there was no feeling in the world that could come close to lying next to her like that. There was just... _her_, my heaven on earth, my own personal angel sent straight from God.

So I decided to do what I do best. Since I couldn't tell her how I felt I'd damn well do my best to show her. She sucked in a slow, ragged gasp as my hands left her back, one roaming over her hip, the curve of her butt and her thigh. She whimpered softly with a closed mouth as I kissed her neck and gently rolled her so that she was lying flat beside me. I laced one of my legs in between her smaller, softer ones... and then let myself go.

My mouth found hers like a magnet seeking metal. I kissed her gently, just small nips and soft brushes back and forth over her lips, hovering, grazing. My hand wandered to the inside of her thigh again and hovered there for a second too, to give her a moment, a chance to stop me if she wanted to.

She didn't.

Her hands slid from my chest down to my hips and pulled me closer.

I took that as my cue and let my fingers wander up over the last inch or so of her smooth thigh and then grazed against her for the second time. This time there was no gasp, only a soft whimper. Time kind of lost all meaning to me after that. I wasn't sure how long it was, but I spent the next little while just loving her like that, with my lips brushing against hers and my fingers basically mimicking the exact same thing... just grazing, brushing gently up and down where she was slick and hot. I wanted her to know that I could be gentle with her. The only experience she had was rough and violent. I wanted to give her what she asked for... for it to be _nothing_ like that with us.

So I teased her and loved on her with every bit of tenderness I had in my heart. I could feel her body relax into the mattress when her nerves melted away and then tense up again in the best way possible when she really started to enjoy what I was doing. Everything just came sort of naturally from there. Her breath sped up until to a slow and steady pant. The hands she had rested on my hips moved around to my back a bit and she pulled me closer. As things between us heated up, the air in our little cocoon under the covers was warm enough to make her start to sweat, and the air was thick with cherry and chocolate scent. Then her mouth reached for mine and she kissed me, sliding her tongue into my mouth at the exact same moment as I gently slid one finger down and pressed a little bit into her.

Her kiss turned into a loud gasp against my lips. She froze and so did I.

"You okay?" I mumbled against her lips.

"Mmm," she squeaked out as her forehead rested against mine. "Mm hmm," she confirmed, nodding gently. I could tell that her body had tensed up, but her eyes were closed so there was no way for me to tell if it was good tension, or bad tension.

"Do you want me to stop?" I breathed.

The shake of her head started slowly, but sped up into something sure and desperate.

I grinned to myself.

Oh, yeah. That was _definitely_ good tension.

"More?" I whispered.

Her eyes opened and suddenly I was staring into bright, intensely focused pools of blue... and she mouthed a silent yes. So, I held her stare and brushed against her lightly with my thumb as I pushed forward and slowly slid the rest of the way in.

And that's when the entire world ground to a halt. Nothing existed for me outside of her intense blue eyes fixed on mine, lips slightly parted, her fingertips gripping the skin on my back, her legs tightening around one of mine laced between them and the snug warmth inside her surrounding me on the way in. I held my breath and stared at her in wonder and total and complete devotion as she fluttered around me. It was so brief... just a couple of seconds, but I knew what it meant. I didn't have a whole heck of a lot of experience, but I did know enough to figure out what her body was gearing up to do.

But when her eyes lost focus on mine for a second and I saw confusion slip into her expression... I figured that it was the bad kind of tension creeping up on us, probably because she _didn't_ realize what her body was doing. Her gaze and her body's reaction to my touch immediately started to cool off while she seemed to be trying to figure things out. So I shifted up onto my elbow so that I was hovering above her, over her side.

"Hey," I whispered as I brushed my nose against hers. "It's okay, Liv." I caught her eyes again with mine and held them. "Just feel me... okay?" She nodded, but she still seemed like she was confused and I didn't want that. Her body was definitely on the same track as mine, and I was pretty sure that her heart was, too... but I needed her mind to catch up with them and let her know that it was okay to feel the way that she was. "Does it feel good?" I asked as I slowly brushed up against her with my thumb again.

She gasped a tiny gasp, blinked a few times and nodded.

I smiled down at her and kissed her lightly.

"Then just go with it," I whispered as into her lips. "Just _feel _me_._"

"Okay," she breathed back into my lips as I kissed her again and started a very slow, shallow rhythm, rocking with my wrist. She tensed up a bit again, but I didn't stop. I just held her eyes and brushed her nose with mine again and again as I kept going. A few seconds later the tension started to seep out of her body and the blue in her eyes intensified again. The heat was back and the bad tension had taken a back seat.

After a minute or two the fire that was building behind her eyes as I touched her and brushed her nose with mine suddenly turned into a smoulder. Her eyes flared a bit with the change and her lips parted a bit so that she was breathing in and out in short shallow pants. But all of that was secondary to me. The way she warmed up and liquefied around my hand told me everything I needed to know.

I smiled a bit to myself and brushed my lips against hers. I was feeling really honoured at that point. She was letting herself go, for me, and it couldn't have been easy for her.

"I love you so much," I breathed and then felt my own eyes widen with shock at her reaction to my words. Her head lolled back just the tiniest bit and her eyelids fluttered a few times. Small warm fingertips pressed into the skin on my hips and she gasped just the tiniest bit before her entire body stilled on the outside... while her body began to pull at my finger from the inside.

It was only a few seconds long – three at the most – but there was no denying it. From the way her skin flushed just the slightest bit, to the way her heart seemed to be hammering away in her chest, right along with mine, all the signs were there.

She came.

"Liv," I whispered in total and complete awe. I was almost stunned. When we started out doing this I figured that we'd kiss and cuddle and touch... just kind of explore and get to know each other this way a bit. I was not expecting this. This... this was probably one of the best surprises of my life.

"Seth," she breathed shakily as soon as her body relaxed a bit.

"Yeah?" I breathed back, wondering what she was thinking.

Her lips parted a bit and she stared at me with wide eyes full of nothing but love and curiousity, but she didn't tell me what she was thinking. She kind of seemed like she was trying to come up with the words to ask me what just happened, but didn't, or couldn't.

"How did that feel?" I whispered.

She blinked slowly a couple of times. "Good," she murmured simply.

"Good." I kissed her nose and let my forehead fall forward onto hers, taking a second or two enjoy the fact that I could do that for her. Imprinting is a funny thing sometimes. It's times like this that I know in my heart that we were meant to be together. How could I deny it when something as incredible and unexpected as this happens, against the odds?

I can't.

And if I'm being honest here, I don't want to.

I love that I can be this guy for her, the one who can take care of her and show her what it's really like to be loved and appreciated.

I've never been that for anyone before, in any capacity. I've always been the one that people felt like they had to look after. The young wolf, the fatherless son or little brother...

But not with her.

With Olivia, I'm the man who can make things right. It's a crazy-good feeling, knowing that I'm the one that's meant to do that for her. It's a little intimidating, too. I'm new at this. I've never been the one to take charge or look after someone else before, but I always wanted to be. I wanted to be everything that was good for her.

I started rubbing my thumb around in slow circles on her, wondering if I should stop or if she wanted more. She shivered and huffed out a breath, then slid one of her warm, tiny hands around the front of my hip. My eyes squeezed shut and I sucked in a gasp as her fingertips grazed over the sensitive skin of my shaft.

_Jesus._

I was hard the entire time I was touching her... I was just pushing my own feelings to the back of my mind to focus on her. But there was no ignoring this. The jolt of warmth that shot through me when she touched me was nothing I'd ever felt before. I'm a guy and I've been touched there by a girl before so I know it feels damn good, no matter how you cut it. But this was more than just a touch. This was _her_ loving me. My girl is sweet, pure and amazingly warm and her touch felt just like that.

"Can you feel like that, too?" she asked me quietly, curiously.

I swallowed thickly and forced my eyes open to look at her gorgeous face.

"Ye-," I rasped out. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Yeah."

Her fingertips slid up and down an inch or two, so softly it was almost like a hot breeze brushing over me.

"Show me how?" she breathed.

_Oh... Jesus... God... _damn_. _

_Show her how? Why the hell would I want to do that when she was driving me crazy just like this? _

I shook my head and stared at her as seriously as I could under the circumstances.

"You feel really good, just like that," I mumbled honestly before I could think of something more specific to say. I knew that this was new for her and that I probably should have been giving her more direction if that was what she asked for, but I really didn't want to. She'd kept up her light stroking with her fingertips and as embarrassing as it might be to say, I honestly felt like she was going to drive me to the brink just like that. I was on fire for her already.

"Seth?" she whispered. "Please?"

The look on her face was what got to me when she said it. It was the same look she gave me earlier when she made me promise to show her what I liked so we could do this together. She was serious about wanting to know what to do, so I had to find a way to show her and still let her do whatever this amazing thing was that she was already doing to me.

"Okay," I agreed quietly. "Just keep doing whatever you're doing, but," I swallowed thickly – _oh God, I hope I can handle this - _"with your whole hand instead..." I trailed off and held my breath while she nodded seriously and then let it out in huff as she wrapped her hand around me.

Her skin was the softest thing I'd ever felt, and even though her hand was too small to wrap all the way around me I felt like I was going to drown in that warmth.

"Like this?" she asked as she slowly slid her hand up almost all the way to the top of me and back down.

I shuddered and let my head fall to her shoulder as I tried to get hold of myself because I was seriously hard and was already feeling the muscles in my gut start to tense up.

"Yeah," I murmured into her hair, and then took a deep breath and started my slow circles again on her. She gasped in my ear and shivered again when I did. But she didn't stop what she was doing, and neither did I.

And it was _so _damn good.

We kept going like that until I was panting and she was quivering beside me. I kissed her neck a bit, kind of randomly, but as deliberately as I could manage with her touching me the way she was. And then she whimpered and almost lost myself at the sound of it – low, throaty and breathy. _That's_ how my girl whimpers when she's turned on.

And it's fucking hot.

Hotter than any sound I've ever heard a girl make.

There was just something about making this girl who was shy and guarded with everyone else open up and express herself to me that was making me come undone inside. She did that for me. Just me.

And I was definitely giving myself over to her. The way she was touching me was nothing like anything that had been done to me before or anything I'd accidentally seen in any of my pack-brother's thoughts or anywhere else for that matter. It was just so... her. Shy, tentative, but loving, sweet, earnest... things were so much more intimate this way. For most guys it would be crazy to think this way after only being with a girl for just over a month, but what she was doing to my body was making me feel like she was cracking my chest wide open, exposing my heart, leaving me completely vulnerable to her... and I was all for it. As a matter of fact, I wanted her to crawl right in and cuddle up next to it.

She whimpered again, louder this time, and I lifted my head to look at her. She peered up at me and blinked a bit as I studied her face. Her eyes were glossy, her pale skin was flushed and her lips were parted just a bit. She was getting close – again. But I had a feeling that I was closer. And that wasn't good enough for me. I didn't want to leave her hanging after getting her all worked up again. I'd do my best to wait for her... and give her what she needed.

"More?" I murmured into her mouth as I kissed her softly. We breathed each other's panted breaths for a couple of seconds before she nodded and kissed me back.

I nodded back and kissed her softly and slowly before pulling away to rest my forehead on hers again. This time they were both a little damp and warm, along with the rest of us. For the first time I looked straight into her bright blue eyes as she did what she was doing to me and slowly, carefully slid another finger into her warmth without breaking the rhythm of the rocking of my hand or the circling of my thumb.

Her eyes widened and then slammed shut after the first couple of strokes in and out, kind of like mine did when she wrapped her hand around me. Then she gasped as I slid them in just as deep as they could go and I groaned quietly as her entire body stiffened – including the hand that was on me – and then we both melted. Or exploded. Or imploded. Or... God, I don't even know what to call it. She slipped right into an orgasm, a lot stronger than the one she had before, and then the pressure I felt building in me crested and when I came it was like water spilling over a dam. All that warmth I'd been feeling just rushed over me like a tidal wave.

It was incredible.

I'd never come at the same time with a girl before. It was always one of us before and one of us after – no matter what we were doing. If I was lucky, she was first, and if I wasn't then I was trying to make it up to her after.

But this... it was kind of like there wasn't even a question of whether or not we'd do this together. It just felt like we were meant to love each other this way. Maybe it was an imprinting thing... I wasn't sure but I didn't want to question it. It was too good to try and figure out. I just wanted to enjoy it with her.

After a couple of seconds her eyes opened lazily and focused on me.

"Hi," I whispered softly to her.

"Hi," she mouthed back without a sound. She curled into me a little bit, seemingly completely unaware of the mess I'd just made on her hip and slipped her arms around me. "I love you, Seth," she whispered into my neck as I cuddled her back and used the arm I had wrapped around her the whole time to pull her closer to me.

"I love you, too, Liv." She shivered and snuggled closer in response. "You okay?" I breathed into her hair after kissing the top of her head.

She nodded and kissed my neck, but didn't say anything else. I got the feeling that she just needed to be held and that sounded like a great idea to me. I reached back blindly with my free hand and grabbed a couple of Kleenexes from the box on her nightstand to clean us up. I gently wiped up her hip and me as quickly as I could then rolled her completely onto her side next to me. She snuggled closer, literally burying herself into my chest and tucked a leg between mine before sighing and settling.

"You sure you're okay, Olivia?" I asked again. She was so quiet and clingy that I just had to make sure.

She nodded again which made me feel better for a couple of seconds, until she sniffled. And then I panicked a bit.

"What's wrong?" I asked frantically. And then my stomach kind of flipped up and rammed my heart right into my throat. "Did I hurt you?" I croaked out.

I pulled back and cupped her face in my hands as she shook her head back and forth quickly.

"No," she sniffled and looked up at me with wide eyes shaking her head again, "no of course not, Seth."

She said it so frankly and with so much confidence that I had to believe her. She actually sounded like the idea of me hurting her was a foreign concept and I was so relieved that I huffed a breath and hugged her to me again gratefully. She believed me and trusted me not to hurt her, without a doubt.

"Then why are you crying?" I whispered.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be. Just talk to me, Liv." She looked up at me uncertainly. "It's okay, you know. Whatever it is, you can tell me," I told her sincerely. I didn't want her to hold back, especially not about this. I wanted us to go into whatever we did together with our eyes wide open, no questions on the table, no uncertainty.

"I'm not sure," she said hesitantly. "But I think it's just because I _felt_ so much at one time... and I was nervous before, so maybe I'm relieved because that was just so..." she paused and swallowed thickly while blinking out another tear onto her pillow. "It was so much better than I imagined, Seth," she whispered shyly. "I just didn't know it could be like that... that two people could feel that way what it would be like... and I..." She lowered her eyes to my chest and shook her head at herself. "I know I probably sound silly. I'm sorry I worried you," she murmured.

"I didn't know either, Liv," I whispered back. "It's never been like that for me. I think we just... fit, you know?" I ran a hand through her dark hair and thought about how to word it better so that she would understand. "I think that's just how we love each other, Olivia. It's strong and intense..." I rested my chin against head and pulled her to me. She nodded. I sighed and held her to me without saying anything else. I got it. She was feeling overwhelmed, and I really couldn't blame her. Imprinting bonds are deep and passionate and when you translate that into something physical, well it just about knocks you off your feet. Considering her past and how she'd never even had any positive experiences before, this had to be a lot for her to process. It was an intense experience for me... and I was somewhat prepared for it.

I rolled onto my back and shifted a bit so that I was comfortable.

"C'mere," I murmured and pulled her to lay across my side with her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her while she settled a leg between mine and held her close. "Love you," I murmured into her hair.

"Love you, too," she murmured back.

We fell silent after that, just holding each other under the covers. About twenty minutes later I heard and felt her breathing even out as she drifted off to sleep. I was busy thinking about the day's events. It had been a long one with a lot of ups and downs, but in the end it had been one of the best I've ever had, and not just because I had the most intense orgasm of my life making out with my girl. I won't lie – that was a big part of it, but it was more because of the way she opened up to me and was brave enough to try and take things with us to the next level. I was so damn proud of her and so grateful to be the guy she chose to love.

I smiled to myself a little bit, thinking about the fact that my mom definitely gave good advice. I was pretty sure that what we'd just done wasn't what my mom had in mind when she told me to do whatever I could to reassure Olivia and make it right, but the advice was still perfect. She was right, as usual.

I shifted over a bit to grab my jeans off the floor, slipped my cell phone out of the pocket and sent a simple text to my mom, knowing that she'd want to know how things worked out. I knew that she was probably fast asleep, but I figured that she would pick it up in the morning.

_Thanks for the advice. It worked. Luv u. – Seth_

I hit send and set my phone down on Olivia's nightstand right next to hers, smiling like an idiot and enjoying the way they looked together before settling in with my girl to get a good night's sleep.

*****LT*****

Early the next morning I heard a buzzing in my right ear. Olivia and I both shifted a bit at the sound, but neither of us woke up to figure out what it was. It buzzed a few times more and then stopped. I was just drifting back off to a deeper sleep when it buzzed again. This time my brain seemed to fight its way through sleep fog well enough to recognize that it was a phone.

_It's probably mom, _I thought groggily. _I bet she got my text._

I reached out my hand and grabbed the buzzing device, flipped it open and held it up to my ear.

"Hello," I murmured groggily.

There was silence on the other end for a second or two. Olivia shifted her head up a bit and glanced sleepily at the arm I had held up to my ear. We were both still naked and warm and cozy under the covers, so I hugged her to me a bit and kissed the top of her head as a silent good morning.

"Hello?" I said again a little louder this time just in case the person hadn't heard me before since I was obviously mumbling because I was half asleep.

"I'm sorry. I must have the wrong number," a warm but formal sounding female voice said on the other end of the line. I frowned at being woken up from a great night's sleep with my girl by a wrong number.

"Who is it, Seth?" Olivia asked when she saw the frown on my face.

The woman on the other end of the line gasped slightly. "Olivia?" she whispered incredulously.

I'm pretty sure all of the blood rushed out my face as my sleepy brain finally woke the hell up and put the pieces together. I held my hand out away from my ear and glanced over at Olivia whose jaw dropped with a gasp right before she lunged for her phone. _Her_ phone – not mine.

"Hello?" she whispered, and then cringed. She was silent for a second or two before replying quietly with two words that made me shake my head and silently curse at my own stupidity. "Hi, mom."

* * *

**Thank you so much for coming back to LT and reading this after such a long break!  
**

***sighs* Oh boy. What a way to meet the parents. Ever wonder why Olivia's parents didn't seem to be that supportive of her or involved in her life in WG? Like everything else that happened in that fic, there was a reason...  
**

**FYI - writing lemons at your overly-nosy and generally annoying mother-in-law's house is not recommended. Nothing kills passionate musings faster... let me tell you, lol.**

**I hope all of you are doing well. I missed you guys. It's been a long break for me, not being able to escape to the world of fanfic for so long.  
**

**As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  
**

**~Hitchy  
**


	27. Castle of Glass

**Hi all! I'm back. Well, it's been a crazy couple of months for me. For those of you following my author's notes or my sporadic ramblings on twitter, you know that I moved. We're into the new house now, which is great. It's not quite done, but it's liveable and we're no longer living with the in-laws, so that's a relief, lol.  
**

**Thanks so much to those of you who sent concerned PM's and well wishes and for those who encouraged me to update. I've had a heck of a time getting into my groove lately and each and every one of your reviews and kind words, or gentle prodding, is responsible for motivating me to get this out to you. I promise to do my best to get back onto a somewhat regular and more frequent posting schedule after this. Thank you so much for being patient with me.  
**

**This chapter is not beta'd. _shepeppy_ is on vacation and I didn't want to make you wait any longer than I already had. All mistakes are mine.  
**

**We left off with Olivia's mom catching Seth and Olivia in bed together over the phone...  
**

**Chapter song: _Castle of Glass ~ Linkin Park_ **

**If you haven't checked out their new album, _Living Things_, I highly recommend it.  
**

**SM owns twilight. I own the fallout...  
**

* * *

Take me down to the river bend  
Take me down to the fighting end  
Wash the poison from off my skin  
Show me how to be whole again

Fly me up on a silver wing  
Past the black where the sirens sing  
Warm me up in a nova's glow  
And drop me down to the dream below

'Cause I'm only a crack  
In this castle of glass  
Hardly anything there for you to see  
For you to see

_Castle of Glass ~ Linkin Park_

* * *

**OPOV**

I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly as I watched the landscape fly by through the passenger seat window of Seth's Honda. I tried to focus on the scenery in front of me as it slid past. The first snowfall of the year was always my favourite. Everything that had been brown, limp and lifeless looking by the end of fall was transformed into something fresh, crisp, clean and new. It was beautiful, really... a blank canvas, an artist's dream. But as we made the short forty-five minute commute from campus to my parent's home just outside of Juneau, I could only _feel_ what was beyond the glass. It was cold, brisk and sterile - much like my relationship with my father.

I shivered and huddled into my coat a bit further, knowing that an icy reception was probably just what Seth and I were in store for this afternoon. I also knew that my worry over what was in store for us was why I couldn't shake my solemn and bitter mood and enjoy the drive. Visiting my parents was not something that I looked forward to – especially under the current circumstances. The invitation came in the form of an early morning phone call from my mother last week which Seth answered by mistake, making it glaringly obvious that he had slept over. My mother couldn't even get over her shock enough on the phone to address the issue with me...

_There was a very pregnant pause on the phone after we greeted each other before my mother finally spoke._

"_Good morning. Your father and I will be in the office today scheduling visits for next week. We were calling to confirm whether or not you would come home for your birthday on Sunday. We'd like to know if we should keep the day free of other commitments."_

_I dragged in a short and shaky breath, feeling somewhat blindsided by the absolute lack of warmth in her tone. My mother was always reserved and she was a woman of few words, but this level of detachment and robotic formality was usually set aside for strangers. The way that she worded her statement made it sound like my birthday was just another appointment, rather than the nineteenth birthday of her only child. I felt my stomach twist a bit as I realized just how shocked she must have been feeling in order to revert to that with me._

_I somehow managed to fumble through a reply despite my embarrassment and nerves. "Yeah... um, yes, mom. I'll be there," I mumbled weakly. _

_A few lengthy seconds later she replied firmly, decidedly. "Good. We'll make sure that our calendar is free." I squeezed my eyes shut and cringed silently as the cool, brisk tone of her voice cut through the air between us. _

"_Okay," I whispered, feeling more as though I was agreeing to show up to trial than the celebration of my birth. I waited silently on the phone for her reply, listening to nothing but the sound of my own somewhat rapid and shallow breaths. In my heart I hoped for a warmer goodbye or some sort of indication from her as to what she was thinking. My mom may not always have been there to support me with her presence in the past, but lately she'd been there to talk to or to listen. We became closer that way... after everything that had happened. But after a minute or so with nothing but dead air and static floating on the line between the two of us, I gave up waiting._

"_Mom?" I prompted softly, hoping that if I was brave enough to extend my hand across the cold, silent valley between us she might meet me halfway._

_She didn't. Not only did she not want to talk about what she'd just discovered about my relationship with Seth, she didn't seem to want to talk at all. She was silent for so much longer that it felt like the valley between us was something closer to a canyon. _

_I felt a soft, warm tingle on my bare shoulder as Seth laid his hand lightly on it, then the soothing stroke of his thumb making circles on the bottom of my neck. Something about the reassurance of his touch reminded me that he could probably hear every word spoken during the conversation, or in this case, the poignant lack thereof. _

_After what seemed like an eternity, she dragged in a sharp breath and replied. "Please extend the invitation to Seth," she said curtly._

_I gasped. My twisting stomach was officially free-falling after that._

"_What?" I breathed. I received no answer for a moment or two and the silence was heavy between us once again. "Mom...?" I prompted in voice that was barely a whisper._

"_Please bring Seth," she repeated just as curly as before, but this time there was a harder edge to her voice that I didn't understand, but made me wince all the same._

"_Okay," I breathed shakily, then cringed as she uttered a brisk thank you... and hung up._

I shook my head to clear it of the cold memory and shivered again as I settled back in my seat, determined to try and clear my mind a bit over the last fifteen minutes of the ride.

"Cold?" Seth asked quietly over the song that was playing in the background.

"No," I replied honestly. "Not really." I attempted a small smile, but it was weak and ended up crumbling into a nervous frown.

His lips quirked up into a sympathetic half-smile as he reached to the side and took one of my hands in his. I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt his thumb making slow circles on my palm, comforting me, as always. He didn't say anything to try to reassure me that things would go well with my parents. We'd already been over all of my reservations about this visit throughout the last week. He knew that I was worried about my parent's reaction to our relationship. We'd been over and over it together and despite the fact that I had a bad feeling about it, Seth still insisted on coming with me. He said it would have been rude to turn down my parent's first invitation to their home, no matter what the circumstances were. He also said that he thought that it was best if we went together because if things didn't go well he was worried about me being upset and left to deal with it alone. I honestly couldn't argue with him about that. My parents were nothing if not honest – brutally so sometimes. I could usually count on my mother to be somewhat sympathetic and gentle when offering her opinions, but so far she had been much less than receptive about my feelings towards Seth and the topic of our relationship in general. The only thing I could do was hope that when they met him they'd see how truly wonderful he is, and that it would somehow put them at ease.

We drove the rest of the way in silence. I loved that it was easy to be around Seth without feeling like we needed to fill the air between us with words if we didn't want to. I've always been told that I'm a thinker by nature, so when something is on my mind I generally spend a lot of time pondering it in silence – or in this case worrying about it. The great thing about Seth was that he seemed to have figured this part of my personality out and hadn't left me to worry about this weekend visit alone. We'd spent every spare moment we had together over the last week and it was wonderful to have him there with me to talk if I needed to or to sit with when I didn't feel like talking and better yet, to distract me when I started feeling overwhelmed. I got the feeling that it was sometimes hard for him to leave me alone and not push me to talk, but I was so grateful that he didn't. I'm a think-first, talk or act later sort of person. It makes me nervous to discuss things or act on them without really thinking them through first.

As Seth slowed the car to a stop on the curb in front of my parent's house I took a deep breath, hoping that it would do something to calm my nerves. I let it out as my eyes flickered over the outside of the home, scanning for changes that I knew in my heart I wouldn't find. As expected there was the crisp white siding, black shutters, eaves and front door – no wreath or other adornments. The windows were covered from the inside with my mother's staple of simple, no-nonsense white sheers. The evergreens had all been trimmed to sensible sizes for the winter and the rough straw mat that my father insisted on putting out on the front steps every winter were all there. No, there was nothing out of ordinary going on at the Marten household... on the outside, everything was just as perfect as could be. Just the way my father liked and needed it to be – for the communities' sake. Pastors were the ultimate role models, after all.

I startled a bit in my seat as I heard my door unlatch and watched it slowly swing open. A second later Seth's large hand was in front of me, palm up, warm and inviting.

"Ready?" he murmured with a soft, encouraging smile.

I glanced back at the house again, frowning. I wasn't sure what I expected, but I think at least part of me had hoped to see the fabric in one of the windows at the front of the house shift or twitch a bit upon our arrival. I had never been away from my parents for any significant length of time before and they hadn't seen me since my mom dropped me off at school a month and a half ago. Was it wrong of me to wish that they'd be somewhat excited to see me on my first trip home from college, even under the current circumstances?

I wasn't sure. And sitting in the car staring at their house wasn't going to answer that question for me.

I shook my head and sighed as I took advantage of Seth's outstretched palm. "Okay," I answered quietly. "Let's go."

I tried to keep my hand steady in Seth's as we walked up the grey concrete path toward the front door. It wasn't easy. I had so many conflicting emotions to deal with that it was making my stomach flop and my head ache. I was oh, so nervous to talk to my parents about Seth, but a silly, less rational part of me wanted to be excited about it, too... because I was bringing a boy home for the first time... it wasn't something I'd thought I'd ever really be able to do. And despite the fact that she was definitely upset with me, I still missed my mom. I was hoping to smooth things over a bit with her and maybe find a minute or two to talk later, once she'd had a chance to get to know Seth a bit. I was curious about what her opinion of him would be. She was always quick to like and respect people who were kind to me... would she be happy to know how well he treated me? I hoped so.

And then there was my father...

My stomach tensed as I lifted a shaky hand toward the lock on the front door. The keys jangled a bit and Seth's hand gave mine a squeeze as I tried to get the key into the lock, missed and tried again. It wasn't necessary, though. The door gently swung open as soon as they keys came in contact with the lock the second time.

"Olivia," my mother murmured with a nod and an odd once over glance as she opened the door.

"Hi mom," I replied hesitantly as she stepped back and I stepped over the threshold, Seth following suit behind me. She shut the door with a soft click as her eyes shuffled back and forth between me and Seth. It didn't escape my notice that her unnervingly neutral gaze drifted downward each time to the hands clasped between us. After an uncomfortable moment of silence her eyes drifted to my left and up... and stayed there.

"You must be Seth," she said quietly and directly.

I inhaled a surprised breath through my nose and felt my hand tighten on Seth's minutely. I couldn't understand the detachment in her tone, or worse yet, her eyes. They were flat grey and piercingly shallow. This was so much worse than I'd been expecting... My mother was typically reserved, not robotic and cold. I almost didn't recognize the woman in front of me. She looked like the mother I knew with her black hair pulled back in its usual twist framing her pale face, wearing the pearl earrings my father had given her for their tenth wedding anniversary as she did every day since then. Her dark blue sweater set and black slacks were a uniform of sorts. She had variations of the same pieces in different dark or muted colours that she wore on rotation. On the outside it was her. On the inside, however, it seemed as though she had closed up, or frosted over or some combination of the two that had me questioning just about everything that I'd come to value between us.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Marten," Seth replied smoothly taking the lack of warmth in her greeting in stride. His hand reassuringly squeezed mine once, before he released it to hold out to my mom.

My mother blinked quickly, momentarily betraying her surprise at his greeting. She nodded once, slowly and then reached out towards his. I grit my teeth as just the tips of her fingers met with his and they shook once – stiffly, on her part.

I swallowed thickly and looked up apologetically at Seth. He gave me half smile as he toed off his shoes, seemingly unaware of the obvious scrutiny we were both under as we stood in the front foyer of my childhood home. I couldn't hold his eyes as I tried and failed to smile back. I was heartbreakingly disappointed in my mother. I knew this visit would be difficult and I had worried obsessively all week over how awkward it might be, but never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate that our reception – particularly Seth's – would be this cold. My mom worried about me and I knew that she was disappointed in me, that was a given, but it was never her style to be rude. She had more compassion and tact than that on any given day with just about anyone she came across. And she had impeccable manners which I'm sure she was well aware she was setting aside...

The rasp of a pocket door sliding open down the hall stopped all thoughts of my mother dead in their tracks. My spine stiffened, my breath hitched and my vision blurred for a second or two with nerves. I took two deep breaths to steel myself as soft footfalls made their usual slow stride down the hall towards us. Time seemed to halt for a bit when they stopped directly behind me.

Inwardly shaking and unable to force myself to stop, I turned to face my father. My eyes traveled up and over his khaki pants and black polo shirt with a weariness that was uncomfortably familiar. I paused at the golden cross on the chain around his collar and blinked away what I could of my nerves before letting them drift up and over his clean shaven face to eyes that were a familiar shade of light blue – only to find them sweeping over me briefly just as I did with him. His scrutiny was a bit more obvious, though, and in the end I read the slight purse in his lips as dissatisfaction with my choice of outfit. I picked at the hem of my shirt nervously. It was the blue one that Seth liked so much and I'd grown to love... and I don't know why it didn't occur to me ahead of time that my father wouldn't approve. The wide boat-necked collar was small problem, but nothing compared to the fact that the shirt was tighter than what I'd ever worn when I was living at home. Somehow over the last month or so I'd gotten used to seeing the way the other student's around me dressed, and in comparison with them I was always dressed modestly. In front of my family, though, unless the style of the clothing came straight out of a catalogue from the nineteen-fifties it was considered to be questionable.

When my father's eyes finally settled on mine his expression was sombre. He held my gaze with eyes that seemed to bore into mine for a second or two. His gaze shifted to my mother for a second before returning to mine.

"Olivia," he greeted quietly, using the same confident and assured tone he always did when speaking in front of an audience, "welcome home." An outsider might have assumed that the formality was for Seth's benefit, but I knew better. Unlike my mother, it had been a while since my father had addressed me with any familiar warmth.

"Dad," I half-breathed, half-croaked back.

He lifted his gaze above my head and I watched, horror-struck, as he met Seth's gaze steadily, set his jaw, nodded curtly once and then turned to address my mother.

"Is dinner ready, Judith?"

My jaw dropped and I huffed out a shocked gasp. "_Dad_..." I breathed incredulously.

His eyes shifted to mine, questioning and unmovable in their self-righteousness.

My eyes fluttered to meet my mother as my head and stomach spun with embarrassment and disbelief. I felt Seth's hand wrap around mine and his thumb begin to work slow circles against my fist. I hadn't even realized that my hands had tensed along with the rest of me until that point.

_Please, _my eyes pleaded desperately as they locked on my mom's grey ones. _Please don't do this. _I could handle their disappointment and detachment towards me, but there was no part of me that would accept their rude dismissal of the kind man behind me.

My mother's eyes shifted towards mine and Seth's joined hands, then to Seth's face. Something in his expression must have gotten to her, because her eyes flared in surprise and then her expression did the unthinkable... it softened a bit.

I glanced over my shoulder to see what she had witnessed only to find Seth staring down at me with compassion, sympathy and love that I had never felt less deserving of written all over his face. Did she see that in him? I couldn't help but wonder if she had. After all, his kind eyes were the first thing that I noticed about him when we met.

My eyes shifted back toward my mother to find that she was still fixed on Seth.

"Jack," she said softly. "We have a guest."

My father raised his brows at my mother for a second or two and something passed between husband and wife that I didn't understand. A moment later my father turned back towards us.

"Seth, is it?" he rumbled.

I felt Seth shift to face and address my dad.

"Yes, sir," Seth said quietly. I had to respect the steady confidence in his voice. For whatever reason, he didn't waiver under my parent's scrutiny and I loved him more than I ever had in that moment for his strong and brave heart. He wasn't judging them for their behaviour, even though they seemed to be doing that with him.

"Do you like shepherd's pie?" my father asked coolly.

"Yes, sir," Seth replied for the second time.

"Good," my father concluded succinctly. He turned to my mother. "Let's eat."

To say that lunch was awkward would be a horrendous understatement. My father sat at the head of the table with my mother on his right, as usual. I sat to his left with Seth beside me, but at the small, round table in the dinette this also placed him directly across from my father... who ate in silence and spent the entire meal focusing on his plate, paying absolutely no attention to any of us and ignoring the stilted conversation that my mother attempted to have with Seth and I about school. I gave some credit to my mother. She was no longer freezing us out as she had when we arrived. She wasn't welcoming us with open arms, either, but she was trying. She asked questions about how our classes were going and even asked Seth if the shepherd's pie was to his liking. It was small talk, and it seemed a bit forced at that, but at least she was making an effort.

"I'm part of a team that's designing and creating a stage set. It's for the school's fall production of Ragtime," I explained quietly when my mom asked what my most challenging class was so far. Surprisingly, it was my first year general art class that presented me with the biggest challenge, mostly because I had been asked by the professor to participate in designing the set for the play. It was for extra credit and I was the only first year student asked to be on the team, so it was definitely a lot of hard work to keep up with the more experienced artists and keep up with my regular course load, but it was worth it, to me. My mother nodded politely as I explained this to her, seeming to understand the value of it through my eyes.

"I thought you were taking math this term," my father rumbled unexpectedly around his last bite of our early supper. His eyes met mine briefly, before focusing on the glass of red wine he'd been nursing throughout supper as he took a sip.

"I- I am," I stuttered out, surprised at his attempt to join the conversation.

"Isn't math your most difficult subject?" he questioned as he put his glass down. His eyes met mine directly. "Shouldn't that be where your extra efforts are focused?"

I blinked and faltered at the condescension in his tone.

"Um, I..." I stuttered.

"Actually, she's doing really well with math this term, Mr. Marten," Seth offered unexpectedly. He smiled at me warmly before chancing a look at my dad... who didn't so much as glance in his direction. Instead he raised an incredulous eyebrow in my direction.

"Really?" he asked somewhat skeptically.

I swallowed nervously. "Um, yeah," I replied quietly. "We're in the same class," I offered with a small nod in Seth's direction, and then gave credit where credit was due when it came to my good grade. "Seth's been tutoring me since the end of summer and it's really helped."

My father took another sip of his wine and pursed his lips slightly as he swallowed and set it down. "Well," he said quietly, "I'm glad that you've managed to squeeze in something of priority amongst all of your _extra-curricular _activities this term."

I gasped and dropped my fork at his poignant emphasis on the words 'extra-curricular' and the fact that the emphasis seemed to apply to so much _more_ than my work with the set design team. It was so obvious that he was referring to my relationship with Seth that I felt my face burn all the way to the tips of my ears with an angry and embarrassed blush. The clang of the metal meeting the edge of my plate seemed to ring out louder and longer than bell tolling noon atop the steeple at my father's parish. I froze, mortified at what he was implying and how he could possibly be so rudely suggestive in front of Seth.

"_Jack_," my mother admonished, her tone indicating that she was clearly as shocked as I was at my father's comment.

My father scoffed and turned to glare at her. "Really, Judith?" he questioned with authority. "I thought we agreed that we'd talk to our daughter about her so-called 'tutoring sessions' this afternoon?"

My mother paled and shrank back into her chair with wide eyes as my father's harsh words and brash implications all but branded me with a scarlet letter.

I was burning and shaking with anger, embarrassment and mortification and every instinct I had told me that I needed to run as far and as fast away from there as possible. My parent's disapproval of their imperfect daughter and her morally questionable actions had been written all over their faces and in almost every actions and word since we'd walked in the door. It was clear to me that I didn't fit in here anymore, that as long as I wasn't living up to their ideals, I was less than welcome. But that wasn't what really got to me. Not this time. Their disapproval of me, particularly my father's, was a lot stronger but it was nothing new.

No... It was their blatant lack of respect for Seth and the fact that they hadn't even managed to be anything but marginally polite to him since we'd arrived that made me upset. My father could imply whatever he wanted to about me, but this time he was also implying hurtful things about Seth when he hadn't even made an effort to get to know him.

"He _is_ my tutor," I replied thickly and shakily as I did my best to push my embarrassment aside to defend Seth. I glared at my father and dared him to reply with something distasteful.

"Liv?" I heard Seth question quietly. His warm hand covered both of mine in my lap, which were fisted tightly and shaking. I ignored Seth's plea for my attention and sharpened my glare on my father, who had sighed deeply and was shaking his head at his plate.

"Why are you doing this?" I ground out. My voice was low and wobbly and with emotion that I was barely managing to contain. "You haven't even given him a chance," I whispered hoarsely. "What about what the book of James said about judgement?" I questioned pointedly. The reference to that particular quote in the bible made my father's nostrils and eyes flare with indignation. The quote spoke about being kind to your neighbours and leaving the judgement of their actions up to God.

"Liv, it's okay," Seth said murmured, dismissing my father's rude and appalling behaviour. He didn't want me to fight with my parents over him. He'd told me as much this week when we discussed it. I'd agreed at the time, but I had no idea how horrible they would be to him. And he didn't deserve a single second of it. Not one bit of their anger and overbearing disapproval was for him. It was all for me, and my poor decisions that led me to the boy who'd hurt me, and they were taking it out on Seth, and that was _not_ okay with me on any level.

"No young man who invites himself into my daughter's bed is a neighbour of mine," my father bit out as his face turned red with anger and his eyes leveled a pointed glare across the table at the man I loved. There was a very tense moment of silence during which my eyes filled up with tears and my heart broke in two, knowing that I really didn't have a hope or a prayer of getting my father to see this rationally. My mother had basically turned into a very pale piece of stone in her seat since my father announced that he didn't approve of us sleeping together. It didn't matter to me that we technically hadn't, and I wasn't going to correct him. I'd let him think what he wanted, but I needed him to know how I felt and how important Seth was to me. And with that, I decided to end the conversation with the truth. It would be far from what my parents wanted to hear, but everything I needed to say about Seth.

"I love him," I whispered softly and chose to ignore my mom's soft gasp at the acknowledgement of my feelings for Seth in front of my father... and my lack of denial of what they thought we'd done. "And Seth hasn't been anywhere in my apartment uninvited."

I didn't stick around for what was sure to be an outrageously pious and angry reaction. I stood on wobbly legs and whispered "We have to go," to my half-empty plate and the spotless, pressed table cloth below it. I was sick with embarrassment and hurt for Seth and couldn't stand one more minute in of being in their house of glass and watching them throw stones. I was done being the crack in the otherwise perfect walls. And I certainly wasn't going to stick around for more poisonous accusations against Seth. I had only felt more small and humiliated once before in my life... I was about to break and I needed to leave.

I heard Seth call my name, rise and follow after me as I took off quickly down the hall toward the foyer. I ignored my father's shout of "You're not going anywhere, young lady!" and tried to focus on sliding my feet into my boots and arms into my jacket while my muscles and nerves were strung tight from head to toe. Seth hit the foyer about the same time as I managed to get the door unlocked. I flung it open and fled. I'd almost made it to the car when I felt Seth's strong, warm hands cup my shoulders. He didn't say anything, just turned me toward him and wrapped me in the tightest of hugs. I'd never been more grateful for one in my life. I was sure that he didn't know it, but I felt like he was literally holding the pieces of me together at that moment.

"I need to go," I rasped against his chest. He rocked me a bit, probably trying to steady me because I was now officially shaking like a leaf in the wind on the outside.

"Okay," he murmured in my ear. "Okay. Whatever you need."

I couldn't believe how sweet he was being, despite the fact that my parents had treated him so badly. And I hated that I had to demand more of him than just putting up with that for the last couple of hours... but I did – desperately.

"Please. Get me out of here," I begged quietly. I needed him to take me away from there before I fell apart. My chest tightened and my breaths were getting shorter and shallower by the second. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned into him harder, fighting the panic inside me as it brewed. My anxiety was about to skyrocket...

"Shhh," he shushed and kept up his rocking. "It's okay. We're going, I promise. Just take a deep breath, okay? Can you do that for me?" he murmured in my ear. One of his arms slid up and his hand buried itself in my hair. I felt him making his circles with his thumb at the nape of my neck and had to fight back tears while I struggled to force my breathing back to a somewhat normal pace. If it was the only thing he was asking me after dealing with all of that it was the least I could do to comply. I beat at the tightness in my chest with a strength I didn't realize I possessed, wanting to get myself together for him.

The second my breathing slowed to something resembling a normal rhythm the door beside me popped open, and Seth ushered me into the car without a word. A moment later he was in the car with me, holding my hand, thumb rubbing my palm as I leaned against the window with my eyes closed and focused on breathing. He used our joint hands to shift the car into gear and took off down the road.

I don't remember much of the ride home; just that Seth held my hand the entire time and that we rode in silence, even after I'd managed to calm down from the edge of the anxiety attack that had been looming. I didn't even question the fact that he pulled up to his apartment instead of mine. It was a good idea on his part. I didn't want to be in my space surrounded by things that reminded me of my parents. All I wanted was to be rid of them. I hated that I couldn't even bring myself to talk, so I could thank him for flying me up and out of there the way that he had... he was more than I deserved, that was for sure.

As I followed him to the door to his apartment on wooden legs, I could only think of how thoughtless it had been of me to agree for him to come. I felt like I should have known better than to expose him to that. I knew my parents, particularly my father, wouldn't approve of him. They wouldn't approve of anyone for me. They wanted me to focus on school and getting an education. How could I have agreed to let him convince me that he should come? He said it was for my benefit, because he thought I might need him, and he was right. He was so right about that. I did need him, but it wasn't fair of me to have brought him there for my own selfish reasons. He should never have had to listen to that.

I turned to him as we reached the bottom of the stairs, taking in his concerned gaze with a sad shake of my head.

"I'm so sorry, Seth," I offered plainly. It wasn't enough, but I didn't know what else to say. "I am so, so sorry."

* * *

**Gah. I need a hug after that one. It was a toughie.**

**So... what did you think of Jack and Judith Marten? Are Olivia's actions from WG making more sense?  
**

**I hope it wasn't too error-riddled for you. I wrote most of this in an inspiration stint that lasted from about 1 to 4 am this morning. Go easy on me, lol! Or not. You've been waiting so long I wouldn't be upset with you for being the grammar police with me on this one...  
**

**Next up... Seth and what he thought of the Marten's.  
**

**~H  
**


	28. He Said, She Said

**Ohai there readers! I'm sure that some of you are rubbing your eyes and doing a double take at the screen right now... No need to be confused. YES, this is the next chapter of Lost Together. And YES I finally managed to get this out to you in just a couple of weeks. Crazy, right? *does happy dance*  
**

**Chapter Songs: No Light, No Light ~ Florence and the Machine  
**

**What a Good Boy ~ Barenaked Ladies  
**

**We left off with Olivia apologizing to Seth for a rather disappointing visit with her parents. We're picking up with Seth, right where Olivia left us last chapter. **

**Quick timeline update for you: This chapter brings us to roughly the week before Wicked Games began. The timeline in this fic is going to be jumping forward steadily after the next chapter or two. We'll cover bits and pieces of background from WG the whole time as we go.  
**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Seth and Olivia coming to terms with things.  
**

* * *

You want a revelation,  
You wanna get it right  
But, it's a conversation,  
I just can't have tonight  
You want a revelation  
Some kind of resolution  
You want a revelation

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
I never knew daylight could be so violent  
A revelation in the light of day,  
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay  
No light, no light  
No light  
Tell me what you want me to say

_No Light, No Light ~ Florence and the Machine_

* * *

When I was born, they looked at me and said  
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.  
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,  
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,  
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.  
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,  
when temptation calls, we just look away.

_[Chorus]_  
This name is the hairshirt I wear,  
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.  
This song is the cross that I bear,  
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me,  
be with me tonight,  
I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight.

_What a Good Boy ~ Barenaked Ladies_

* * *

**SPOV**

I shook my head at her. Was she crazy? Sorry. She said she was _sorry_...

"I should be thanking you," I breathed back at her. My chest squeezed together on the inside tightly. She was so strong, so brave. I was beyond proud of her for how she handled her parents today... and humbled – very humbled by what she did for me.

I watched her pretty face crumble with emotion for the first time since we left her parents house. In the car, even on the edge of a panic attack, she was as pale as a ghost and stone still. Her face was blank, eyes clouded over and dead looking. I hated seeing her that way. No matter what she'd explained to me about her past, no matter how painful it had been for her to talk about things or admit what she thought were her faults, nothing had pushed her to that point. There was always some kind of emotion lingering, storming through or burning in those bright blue eyes of hers. But today I watched her father leech the life right out of them and her mother stand by silently and let it happen... and it scared me speechless. And I knew that no matter what happened between us in the future I never wanted to see her like that again. Cold, lifeless looking... completely defeated.

At least, she _was _looking like that - until now. I must really have surprised her with what I said because she was staring at me like I was a lunatic - with her eyes narrowed, brows drawn together. Her lips were even parting slowly in shock.

"Thanking me?" she breathed incredulously. And then her expression shifted again except this time, her entire body woke up. Her back straightened, shoulders squared themselves and her hands locked into tiny, tight fists. She was angry. It was something I'd never seen in her up until a few hours before, at her parents' dinner table. "They were awful to you, Seth," she ground out through a practically locked jaw. "And you didn't deserve any of it."

"Neither did you," I answered quietly.

She shook her head at me. "That's not the point," she countered intently. "They're my parents and being their daughter means that they can judge me all they want to, but they don't even know you." She paused and shook her head slowly. "They had no right," she continued. Her voice tightened up and her face crumbled again while her eyes filled with tears. "They don't know how good you are to me," she whispered sadly. "I wanted to show them... I wanted them to see. But they didn't even give you a chance."

She was wrong about most of that, though. The fact that she didn't deserve to be judged and torn down like that by her dad, and left to deal with it by her mom was _exactly _the point in my opinion. She went into that dinner knowing that her parents disapproved of us and that she would be held accountable for being with me and she went anyway. Not only that, but she brought me with her and defended me without a thought for herself. How could I not thank her for that?

"They didn't give you a chance, either," I pointed out, hoping to get her to see where I was coming from.

"I wasn't expecting them to," she said quietly through her tears. "At least, not my father. I was hoping my mom would..." she trailed off there, leaving her sentence unfinished.

I sighed and shook my head at how easily she accepted their disapproval. I got it now. I thought I knew what it was like for her with them before, but I didn't really understand it until today. Her house, her parents and the way she was raised was really oppressive. Her parents weren't just religious and strict, they were making living and breathing examples of themselves for the entire community – and Olivia was expected to be part of that. She was expected to fit into their mold, to be the quiet, complacent daughter, to be well-mannered, humble, modestly dressed, to do well in school, help out with the community and church... and she _was_ to the rest of the world. Just not to them. I could see it in the way that they looked at her and spoke to her. To her parents, she was actually _rebellious_. It seemed kind of crazy to me the moment I first realized it, when her dad was giving her outfit the once over in their front hall. She was so sweet and considerate and shy in my eyes. But her father treated her like she was out of control, wild... and worst of all, promiscuous.

You could tell that they considered her interest in art to be selfish and immature – they either had no idea how talented she was, or they just didn't care. They probably would have preferred that she spent her time volunteering with the community or studying for subjects that they thought were more important, like math. And when you put that together with what that sick bastard did to her, which they clearly placed at least some of the blame on her for, and add to it the fact that she was just caught 'sleeping' with me – a guy she'd just met a couple of months before... it was clear that she wasn't what they had expected or hoped she would be.

I closed the distance between us, meeting her beside my bed where she was standing, and took her fisted hands in mine, rubbing them gently. "They were just trying to protect you," I murmured quietly. I could tell from the second her mom laid eyes on me that she didn't trust me, and I was okay with that. To her I was probably just another guy taking advantage of their daughter's beauty and big heart. She didn't know me and wanted what was best for her daughter. Any parent in her position, especially after the way Olivia had been attacked before, would be extra cautious.

To my surprise, Olivia stiffened and dug her nails into her palms. Her eyes darted up to mine, full of emotion. "From you?" she whispered sadly, shaking her head. "Seth... no."

"They just want what's best for you. I don't blame them."

"_I do_," she whispered fiercely. "How could you agree with them?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked carefully. There was something in the way she said those first two words... some kind of fragile and desperate edge in to her voice that made me wonder why this was so hard for her to accept. Don't get me wrong, I loved the way she defended me and stood up for us, but something told me that there was more to what she was upset about than the just her parents refusing to give me a chance. I knew that she'd argued with her mom about us over the phone before and it really upset her, but I didn't get the details of that conversation. To me, the way her parents reacted to me was... predictable in a way. Maybe it wasn't to her...

I just didn't know what to make of how she was reacting. I thought she'd be grateful that they were looking out for her, at least, even if it included being a bit rude to me. "Look, Liv," I continued slowly, trying really hard not to sound like I was taking their side, because I wasn't. They way that her dad hurt her today was not okay with me. "I know that things didn't go very well today. And your dad... he was wrong for speaking to you like that... for making it sound like you were..." I couldn't finish that sentence. There was no way I was going to be able to acknowledge that out loud and stay calm. "But the stuff about me?" I continued quietly, "it's okay for them not to want me around –"

"Stop," she interrupted firmly. And I did, feeling kind of shocked. She never interrupted people. "Please, Seth just... _stop_ saying that." Her voice shook near the end, telling me that she was getting even more worked up. I stood really still in front of her, watching her carefully. She had squeezed her eyes shut and was slowly shaking her head at the floor, brows drawn together, body completely tense... thinking, sorting out her feelings.

I was beyond confused. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was really upset, and if it had just been about how her parents had treated her, then I might have understood. But she had to know that her parents wouldn't approve of me. I mean, they thought we were _sleeping_ together... and she didn't correct them about that. As a matter of fact, she let her father speak down to her about it and didn't bother defending herself. But she was hell-bent on defending me. It just didn't make much sense to me, and I had no clue what to say to make her feel better about any of this. I thought she'd want to know that I wasn't offended by them... but I was really starting to feel like I'd been wrong about that. I felt like there was nothing I could do for her. Nothing I was saying was making her feel any better about things. I needed her to open up and give me a clue about how to make this better for her.

"Liv... what do you want me to say?" I asked quietly after a few moments of tense silence.

She pulled her still-clenched fists out of my hands and wrapped her arms around herself, backing up a step, then two. It hurt, watching her walk away from me just to curl in on herself defensively. It was like she was protecting herself from something... but the only person around to hurt her was me.

"Hey," I breathed softly, wondering what I'd done to make her pull away from me like that. I reached a finger out and softly touched her elbow, hoping to get her to respond. And she did, just not the way that I'd hoped that she would. She squeezed her arms tighter around herself, effectively pulling her elbow away from me. I dropped my hand while my heart sank a bit. She'd never done that before. And I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I hated it. She was putting a wall up between us that had never been there before and I couldn't understand why.

I took a step back myself, swallowing hard. It felt all kinds of wrong to be backing away from her when she was hurting, but if she didn't want me near her I wasn't going to push it. She obviously wasn't comfortable with me comforting her right now – at least through touch – and those were boundaries I never wanted to push with her, no matter how much it killed me not to be holding her when she was so upset.

It was another minute or so before she said or did anything else. I have to say, it was easily the most awkward and tense moment I'd ever spent in my life, standing across the room from the girl I loved, watching her try to hold herself together and not knowing what the hell to do to help her. Not only that... it was really kind of painful for me to know that she didn't _want_ me to, and to have no idea why.

"I- I'm sorry," she murmured quietly, and then opened her eyes to meet mine. The wolf in me was howling to do something for her when I saw the storm that was brewing in them. Something was definitely going on in that head of hers, and it wasn't pretty. But after that one glance, I knew without having to ask that whatever I wanted to do to help just wasn't going to happen. She wasn't ready. I could see that I was pushing her too hard to talk. I should have known better, given the day she had. It was stupid of me not to realize it earlier, really.

I shook my head silently, not trusting myself to talk without saying something to make things worse.

"I just...," she whispered shakily. I nodded slowly. "I – I need..."

"What do you need?" I asked earnestly, really hoping she'd give me an answer that I could work with.

She shook her head again and glanced down at the floor. "I don't want to argue with you," she whispered faintly.

My stomach kind of twisted and lurched sickeningly. "Is that what we're doing?" I asked hesitantly.

"Not yet," she whispered cautiously. "But I – I'm really – I can't do this right now. Please," she pleaded.

"It's okay," I murmured, "I get it." I didn't like it, and I didn't want things to be like this, but I _did _get it and I'd respect how she wanted to deal with things whether it hurt me to or not. It killed me not to do anything for her. Wrong as it might seem, her rejection of help was a lot harder to deal with than her parent's rejection of me earlier. I kind of expected it with them. With her it just... hurt.

Olivia glanced around quickly and I could tell that she was kind of at a loss with what to do with herself. She needed time alone, but I'd brought her to my apartment for the night instead of hers.

"Do you want me to take you home?" I asked, figuring that it might be the best solution for her, even though I didn't like the idea.

"Um," she whispered, "if that's what you want." But her arms clenched so hard around her waist as she replied that I knew it had been the wrong thing to say – again.

"No," I said quickly, "I want you to stay." I gave her half smile. "If you still want to."

She nodded slowly and whispered a soft thank you under her breath.

"Look..." I said quietly, "I think I'm going to go for a run for a bit." I thought that maybe that would be helpful, give her some time and space to herself so she could think about things without me hovering... which was definitely what I'd be doing if I was sticking around.

"You don't have to leave," she murmured contritely. I could tell that she felt like she was forcing me out of my own house, but that really wasn't the case. I could stay, but there was no way I could guarantee her the time and space she needed if I did. I didn't like it, but I knew that it would be best if I left for a while.

"Jake's running tonight, and I think Leah is back at home, too. It'll be good to catch up." I shrugged and caught her eyes again, holding them for a while. After a moment or two she nodded.

"Okay."

I took a deep breath and shoved my hands in my pockets when my fingers twitched in her direction. I wanted to hug her or kiss her before I left, but had to remind myself that she didn't want to be held right now. I felt like I was going against my instincts just leaving her there like that to sort things out for herself... but if that was what she needed, then I wouldn't do it any other way.

"I'll be back in a little while," I told her as I toed off my shoes and left them at the bottom of the stairs. "Make yourself at home, okay?" I said, hoping that she would.

She nodded and I was relieved to see her arms relax around her middle a bit as she did. I felt a little better leaving for a while after seeing that.

"Okay," I said with a nod. "See you in a bit." I'd turned and climbed the first two steps before she answered me.

"Seth?"

I spun my head around to look at her. "Yeah?"

"Thank you," she whispered and then let out a long, shaky breath, like she'd been holding it in for a while.

I smiled a small smile and nodded once before heading up the stairs two at a time. It didn't take me long to make it into the woods behind the house, lose my clothes and phase.

_Seth. Hey, _I heard Jake exclaim as I shook out my fur and found my footing on four legs.

_Hey, Jake. Who's out in LaPush tonight?_

_Just me now. Leah was around earlier, but she's off duty for the rest of night as of a half hour ago. Sam's boys are taking it from there._

I rolled my neck and searched Jake's thoughts, catching a glimpse of him running over in the trees on the opposite side of Lake Auke in the back of his mind. He was just north of me by about five minutes at a run. Spinning around, I bolted through the trees to catch up to him. It felt good to stretch my legs a bit, work out a little tension from earlier in the day.

_What are you still doing out if Leah's in for the night? _I asked him as I ran. Jake didn't usually phase up here unless he needed to. Most of the time he did it for pre-set meetings with my sister – his beta – to catch up with what was going on at home.

Jake huffed out a snort through his nostrils and scratched his claws through the snow and dirt beneath them. _Nessie's in a mood, _he replied glumly. _I thought I'd stay out of her way a bit tonight, you know, give her some space._

I hopped over a fallen tree trunk and barked out a dry laugh. _Seems like that's the running theme for the night, _I agreed quietly. I glanced up at the sky through the trees and the round, bright moon shining through them. _You think the full moon's got anything to do with it? _I asked dryly.

Jake barked out a laugh and spun around to greet me with a nod as I slipped through the trees behind him. We shared a look, wolf to wolf, that was loaded on both ends. It was pretty clear to me that neither of us was having a great day with our other halves.

_Things not go well at Olivia's parents earlier? _

I shook my head and stared at the ground under my feet. _Her parents are really religious... _I thought hesitantly. He knew that her father was a pastor, so that statement shouldn't have been a surprise to him, and it wasn't. But it was the best explanation I could give him for what I had to say next. _They don't really approve of her having a boyfriend right now._

_Huh, _Jake thought carefully. I could see him eyeing me a bit in his own mind, trying to figure out why I was being so careful with my explanation. He figured that I was leaving something out, which I was, but I definitely wasn't going to be filling him in on it. _So I take it Olivia didn't handle it very well? _he asked cautiously.

_Well... she handled her parents pretty well at their house. And she defended me like a little warrior when her parents refused to come around but... yeah. Afterward she just kind of... fell apart. She's just... really upset, but she doesn't want to talk about it, so..._

_Wow, _Jake replied when I described what went down. He was having trouble trying to picture Olivia standing up to her mom and dad in his head. My description of her as a little warrior wasn't making much sense to him because she was so soft spoken and shy.

_You should have seen her, _I murmured to Jake while flashing him one quick peek of her glaring at her dad at the table, back straight, fists curled in her lap, face flushed with anger and determination.

_You weren't kidding. _Jake's eyes widened as he nodded slowly in approval. I could feel the surprise and pride he felt at seeing her doing that for me. _Was it that bad? _he asked incredulously thinking about Olivia's father's disapproving look and her reaction to it.

_Yeah. Her parents were pretty upset with her... well, us._

_Tough break, _Jake thought quietly. He wasn't an idiot. He knew that there was a lot more to it that I wasn't sharing and was trying to figure out the best way to be supportive without prying, because he also knew that I liked to keep things with my girl pretty private for the most part and respected that. There was a pause, then, _Do you want to talk about it?_

I shook my head. _Nope. _Another pause. _You?_

There was a brief thought about him and Nessie standing at opposite ends of the hallway in their house, bickering over another one of Nessie's new outfits... which ended with her walking off in a huff to her room and slamming the door after her – and in his face.

_Nope, _Jake answered, popping the 'p'.

We stood side by side for a moment and nodded at the ground, silently agreeing to just let our shit lie on either side of our own fences for the night.

_Wanna go for a run? _I asked hopefully.

_Heck yeah, _he agreed enthusiastically.

_We'll round the lake? Best two out of three wins._

_Then I guess you'd better catch up, kid, _Jake cajoled as he tore off ahead of me.

I caught up eventually. He won the first lap, I won the second and then he squeaked out another win on the third. By the time we were done about an hour or so later, my mind was pretty clear and I was feeling a lot more relaxed.

_See you in class tomorrow? _I asked as we got ready to head home.

He nodded. _Yep, first thing._

_Cool. _

He bumped my shoulder and then turned in the opposite direction ready to run off back to his and Nessie's house.

_Hey Jake? _

He looked over his shoulder at me. _Yeah?_

_Try not to be too hard on Nessie about her clothes and stuff, _I mumbled, thinking about the way Olivia's dad looked at her today in her outfit. It made me feel a little bit of sympathy for Nessie. Her parents were pretty overprotective too, and so was Jake... and I saw what that did to Olivia earlier. The thing was, though, it didn't really matter what she wore. Olivia was gorgeous in just about anything. So was Nessie. _She's gotta have some choice in things, you know? She'll figure out that she doesn't need to wear that stuff sooner or later..._

Jake frowned and grumbled a bit in his head. _Yeah, _he agreed begrudgingly after a moment. _I know. _

_Kay. Thanks for the run, man, _I said, leaving it at that and hoping that I'd helped them out a bit.

_See you tomorrow, _Jake thought and took off for home.

We both ran the short distance to our girls in silence. Jake was thinking over what I'd said and deciding not to push the issue with Nessie anymore. He wasn't going to apologize for telling her his opinion about it, but he decided that arguing about it with her probably wasn't going to get him anywhere but in the dog house with her for the next little while until she figured out that she didn't really need to dress like that to get attention.

I was busy wondering about whether or not Olivia had found something to do to help her relax a bit. I was a little worried that she wouldn't have and that she'd ask me to take her home when I got there. Turns out I was worried for nothing, though. When I made my way down the stairs I saw that she'd taken the time to do what she needed to do. There was an empty mug on the counter and the smell of peppermint in the air, so I figured that she'd had a tea.

"Seth?" she asked quietly from behind the bathroom door. It opened and she stepped around it, shyly. Her hair was wet and she smelled of my soap and shampoo. Her face was a bit flushed, so I guessed that she'd taken a long, hot shower and she'd dressed in her favourite pyjamas from my place; my Quileute Tribal School t-shirt and pair of cotton shorts. I couldn't help but grin at her, all shy and adorable in my clothes, smelling like my stuff. Seeing her like that was a sight for sore eyes after a long day, that was for sure.

"Hey," I greeted as she crossed the floor and folded her arms around my waist tightly, burrowing her face in my chest. I rested my cheek on top of her head as we stood there and hugged, just breathing each other in. The bit of anxiety I'd had earlier when she was shying away from me started to melt away as we held each other, and it dawned on me that maybe it wasn't just her that needed a hug every once in a while because this one seemed to be doing me a lot of good. "You ready for bed?" I asked after a minute or so.

She nodded against my chest. "You?"

"Yeah. Just let me get undressed." By now Olivia had gotten used to the fact that I slept in only my boxers. It was just easier for both of us because I was so much warmer than her and she liked to cuddle up at night. It kept things from getting too warm for the most part. I peeled off my t-shirt and jeans and slid in behind her under the covers, wrapping an arm around her waist and spooning her from behind. The apartment was dark when I came in with the exception of the light over the stove, which I left on like I usually do when she sleeps over. I propped my head up on my hand and nuzzled her ear with my nose. "Feeling better?" I whispered softly.

"Yeah," she whispered back. "Much."

"Good." I kissed the soft skin behind her ear and hugged her close, needing to feel her next to me. Everything with my world was better when she was beside me, making me light up with her soft warmth.

We laid there in silence for a few minutes. I knew she wasn't falling asleep because she was running the tips of her fingers over the back of my hand that lay on her stomach. I wasn't either. Things just didn't feel settled between us yet. There was an elephant in the room, and I wasn't the kind of guy to leave it unaddressed.

"Liv," I whispered in her ear as I caught her fingers in mine and squeezed them a bit.

"Mmm?" she hummed.

"Are we ok?"

She nodded and squeezed my fingers just like I had done to her. Her head rolled to the side to face me and the rest of her followed slowly after that. Our legs tucked together naturally the way they always did while she took our joined hands and brought them up to her chest. She wasn't looking at me, which made me frown because I wanted to see her eyes and know what she was feeling.

"What my parents did today was unfair to you," she murmured, watching the index finger of her other hand draw light circles on my chest. "They were being protective, I know, but... as far as I'm concerned it's too little and much too late for that."

"S'never wrong for people to want to protect you, Liv," I responded quietly. I believed that. It might have seemed like a wasted effort to Olivia, but I was never going to disagree with anyone wanting to keep her safe, on any level.

She shook her head and swallowed thickly before continuing. "They're wrong. It's completely backwards... and you know it. The last person on earth that I need protection from is you."

"They don't know that, Liv."

"No. They don't. But they don't trust me to know the difference either." I sighed and didn't argue with her on that one. I couldn't. Her parents really didn't seem to give her any credit. They lost trust in her after that bastard took advantage of her and they've never given her a chance to earn it back. "They shouldn't take this out on you. You shouldn't have to pay for what he did to me."

"Neither should you," I said softly. It was really important to me that she knew that. There was a difference between my being okay with them wanting her safe and my not being okay with them talking down to her and treating her the way that they were – especially her dad.

"They wouldn't agree with that," she said sadly. "They never have. I know that they blame me..." I could hear and feel her heart throbbing in her chest as she admitted that to me. And goddamn did it ever hurt not to be able to do anything to take that ache away. I wrapped my free arm around her and rubbed her back a bit as she shivered from head to toe and took a couple of deep breaths. She must have spent the entire hour since I'd left trying to deal with her feelings about this. I wished she didn't feel like she needed to do it alone, but I was pretty grateful that she was opening up to me now, at least. "They keep getting it wrong," she whispered tightly. "After what happened... they said _we _needed to move. My father was worried about what people would think – about _me_. He still is. He could barely talk to me, or even look at me but... until we moved my dad held service at our church every Sunday. And every Sunday he managed to look _his_ parents in the eye."

I swore under my breath at the thought of her having to witness that. I knew it was wrong on some level for me to want to see her father hold that asshole's parents accountable for what he did, but to treat them as if nothing was wrong after their son violated and attacked his daughter... right in front of her and everyone else... was just cruel in my eyes.

She shook her head again and took another deep breath. "And I can deal with that," she said sadly. "I played my part in things. I shouldn't have lied to them, and I shouldn't have been sneaking around. But if my father can respect the parents of the boy who did what he did... then they owe you at least that much in my eyes." She looked up at me as I stared at her, speechless, just really struck dumb at how strong she was. She may be small but her heart was bigger and braver than anyone else I'd ever known. Her standing up to her parents like that for me was something she'd never even managed to do for herself, despite everything they'd put her through.

"Okay," I whispered and nodded at her slightly. She was right. In her eyes, they were blaming all of the wrong people and standing up for her in all of the wrong places. She wasn't willing to accept that from them anymore and I couldn't really find any reason to deny her that. She had a right to be upset with them.

"I love you so much, Seth," she breathed. "I'll never be what they expected of me, that good girl that would make them proud, but you accept me the way that I am. You've been more supportive and protective and loving than they ever have... even when it's hard for you."

"I want to," I murmured quietly. "You know I'd do anything for you."

Her face softened into the most beautiful, soft smile I think I'd ever seen. "I do." She nodded slowly. "Thank you."

I didn't get a chance to tell her that it wasn't a problem because she followed up her thanks with a kiss. I hummed a bit in surprise when her lips grazed mine, just pressing against mine, pulling them between her soft, full ones. She felt so good. I slid the arm on her back up to her neck, buried it in her hair and held her to me while she kissed me. There really were no words to describe how much I loved it when she reached out to me like this. She was never aggressive, but she'd gotten over being shy about touching me or kissing me. Like just now, she let go of my hand and slid both of her arms around me, one around my neck, and the other under my arm to grip my shoulder lightly and nudge me closer to her.

I slid the hand on her chest over her heart, loving how it was beating a mile a minute now, just like mine and slid my tongue against hers, wanting to taste her and hold her and love her. I can't tell you how long we kissed like that. It was long enough that we got hot under our little cocoon of covers... and that I wasn't the only one going shirtless after a while. We were kissing anywhere and everywhere we could reach on each other and we were practically fused together below the waist, her soft to my hard, rolling, pushing... connected even through our clothes. Her soft scent filled the room, along with mine, dulling my senses to everything but us. Nothing was rushed or hurried about it, I just needed to hold her and love with her. I wasn't sure if it was because she'd denied me the chance earlier, or if I just really needed her... or maybe it was a combination of the two. But I could tell that she needed it – needed me. I felt it my blood and in my bones. And I could see it in her eyes. Every time I caught her baby blues with my own eyes she held them with her own stare. It was intense. It was like she was diving right down into my soul with her eyes as we touched and kissed...

"Seth," she whispered against me as I brushed my lips over hers softly. I was tracing the underside of the soft curve of her breast with my index finger, loving how soft and smooth and curvy she was.

"Yeah," I whispered back, glancing back up to her eyes and getting lost in my blue, the one she only had for me. They were so bright tonight.

And then I figured out why.

"Be with me tonight," she breathed.

I froze except for my heart, which broke into a sprint, and my chest, which started to heave up and down a bit as my breath quickened. I took her in with wide eyes. My body was alive... humming, warm, lit up and ready for whatever she needed, as always. But my mind needed a minute or two to catch up to it... and apparently to her. I'd had thoughts about how our first time together might go. I wanted to make it special for her, maybe do something romantic, light candles... I don't know. But this was romantic, too, wasn't it? We were so into each other tonight in every way... what we were doing together wasn't about lust so much as it was about love. And that's what I really wanted for us when we were going to be together– not just the romance or the lust, the love part.

I knew it wasn't the right time. We'd just had a semi-argument and she was coming off of dealing with some pretty heavy stuff with her parents, but it didn't feel wrong in my heart. I loved her and I wanted to show her in any way I could tonight.

Her eyelids fluttered nervously after a minute or so. I could tell that she was getting worried because I hadn't answered her. I lifted the hand on her chest and used it to pick up one of hers that was sitting on my collar bone, then laced our fingers together tightly, squeezing them a bit to reassure her that everything was okay.

"Liv," I nudged her nose with mine softly and pulled back to read her eyes again. "You sure?" I whispered softly.

She gazed back at me, wide eyed and more serious than I'd ever seen her before.

"Yes."

* * *

**My beta, _shepeppy_, actually called me a brat for leaving it there. Many thanks to her for taking the time to beta this for me... and for putting me in my place for leaving you all with a cliffie of sorts. You know I love you guys, right?  
**

**Your turn. Give it to me. I can handle it. I swear... *hides behind life-sized cutout of Gucci-Rob at Cosmopolis premiere***

**Until next time, ladies and gents.**

**~H**


	29. High Tide

**Hello there, readers! Sorry if I missed replying to your review. I got to most of them for the last chapter and then got sidetracked with writing this. I'll do my best to get to all of them for this chapter.**

**Many thanks to my beta, _shepeppy_, for working her magic here, especially after the long and stressful week she had. I FLOVE you!  
**

**Chapter song: Stellar ~ Incubus **

**(This is one of my absolute fave's. Play it for you and your hubs, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other when you're in the mood... trust me, it's hot, lol.)  
**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Olivia, Seth and the tide.  
**

* * *

Meet me in outerspace  
We could spend the night, watch the earth come up  
I've grown tired of that place, wont you come with me  
We could start again  
How do you do it, make me feel like I do  
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew  
Meet me in outerspace  
I will hold you close, If your afraid of heights  
I need you to see this place, It might be the only way  
That I can show you how, it feels to be inside of you  
How do you it, make me feel like I do  
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew  
How do you do it, make me feel like I do  
Do oh oh oh oh oh  
You are stellar  
You are stellar  
How do you it, make me feel like I do  
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew  
How do you do it, make me feel like I do  
How do you do it, make me feel like I do, Yeah.

_Stellar ~ Incubus_

* * *

**OPOV**

I wasn't really sure how he was going to respond. After I'd told him I was sure that this was what I wanted – that _he_ was who I wanted to share this with – his face softened and his eyes shifted back and forth between mine. I was nervous and worried that he wasn't feeling the same way that I was. But I knew... I _knew_ that I hadn't made a mistake by asking him. For as little as he had said in the time since I'd asked him to be with me, his eyes told me that I wasn't wrong for doing it. I knew what cold eyes looked like, and Seth's were anything but. They were deep, dark brown, wide and warm, and as I stared up into them and waited for him to respond I held them and refused to let go. I barely even blinked. They were my safe harbour, my very own soft place to land. Despite my nerves, when I looked into them, I knew that he loved me no matter what his answer was.

After a few moments his forehead drifted down to rest on mine. My eyes fluttered shut as he brushed the softest of kisses across the apple of my cheek.

"I don't have anything," he whispered contritely into my skin. "I wasn't prepared for this so soon. I'm sorry."

I blinked my eyes open, feeling confused about what he was referring to, and my heart dropped with disappointment because it definitely sounded as though he was saying no instead of yes. Then, as our eyes met and he raised his eyebrows hesitantly, it dawned on me that he was talking about protection.

"Oh," I breathed, eyes widening as I nodded gently in understanding. My heart was still hammering in my chest, and as he shifted backward slightly to watch my expression, I felt the warmth of his skin on mine. It felt good to be wrapped up in his arms, next to him, chest to chest, skin to skin. So good that it made me wonder... "Does it matter?"

He blinked and his lips parted slowly to form a small letter 'o'. His obvious surprise flustered me a bit, so I found myself blushing and having to explain.

"I mean I'm – um," I stammered as I flushed hotly from my chest to my hairline, "I'm on the pill," I barely managed to whisper. "Isn't that... um, isn't that enough?"

His eyes shut tightly as he huffed out a surprised breath and then they flipped open, zeroing in on mine instantly. Squeezing our joined hands together a bit tighter, he brought them down between us to rest in the center of my chest.

"Is it enough for _you_?" he asked seriously, his eyes and his tone letting me know in no uncertain terms that the choice was mine.

I was a lot better educated than I had been at fifteen so I didn't even hesitate to offer my answer.

"Yes," I said quietly. I stretched up slowly and felt my eyelids flutter across his high cheekbone as I brushed my lips against his. "I just want to be with _you_, Seth," I whispered into his lips as my hands slid up the soft, warm skin of his chest, one to the back of his neck, the other to feel his racing pulse underneath the skin above his collar bone.

He dragged in a ragged breath against my mouth as we kissed softly and wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him gently by my waist and neck. I huddled into him closer, fitting myself to his warm skin anyway that I could. This was what I wanted – just to be as close to him as possible. So I kissed him back, as sincerely and warmly as I could, not really knowing what else to do or how to take things any further. The only thing that I knew was how I felt. My heart was swollen and hot, filling my chest until it felt like it was going to burst. My blood was thick and warm, singing and sliding around, rising to my skin, wanting to be closer to his. And where our hips connected... my body's desire to be close to him had its own pulse. Something I'd learned over our last week of getting to know each other's bodies was that Seth's desire did too... and they felt better to both of us when they were connected to the other person somehow. So when his lips left mine and peppered a soft trail down my neck, and the pulse got stronger at the feeling of his hard, warm chest sliding down my own, I lifted my hips and rolled the place that was soft and hot and pulsing in me into the place that was hot and hard on him... and felt my eyes roll back and flutter shut as he did exactly the same right back to me.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Hot, soft kisses rained down on my neck, behind my ear, and the top of my chest as we held on to each other and rolled our hips. It wasn't until his hand slid down my side, tickling my ribs a bit, to the waist of my shorts, that things changed. He leaned back a bit to look in my eyes and for a moment we just stared at each other, kind of confirming what was about to happen next.

He didn't say anything to acknowledge it. Neither did I. His ability to accept things so easily and without a big fuss was something I'd always admired about Seth. This was us, wanting to be together and we weren't going to make a big production about it. We were just going to be.

Nothing could have made me happier... or made me love him more.

We slipped each other out of our shorts, first me, then him. And when he knelt between my thighs, one hand beside me holding himself up, the other on my hip, hovering over me patiently and staring at me like I was his whole world – I wanted to burst. I loved him so much that I actually ached – everywhere. Head, heart, body – there wasn't an inch of me that wasn't affected. If it wasn't for his calm, loving eyes, the intensity of the moment probably would have made me nervous enough to shy away or clam up... but the longer I held his gaze the more my mind, heart and body were sure of what they needed to soothe the ache.

_Seth_.

So I decided to seize the moment. I slid a hand up to the back of his neck and gently nudged him towards me so that I could kiss him. And then I did, softly, as his body leaned down to brush against mine. Inch by inch, hot skin met from our waists to our chests and brushed together as we kissed. The hand Seth had at my waist slid down, softer than a breeze, over my hip to my thigh and then gently wrapped around it coaxing it up. I took my cue from him and bent both of my knees so that the insides of my thighs were brushing against his. I was even sensitive there, and dragged in a stuttered breath as I felt the soft skin of my thighs brush the warm skin of his hips. My blood and skin where we touched tingled and danced happily, next to his.

Then he shifted - and the world shifted with him, because he was _there,_ his hard desire rubbing gently up against my soft one as we kissed. My free hand sought out the one that he had on the mattress next to us. As soon as my fingertips came in touch with his they were wrapped up, held and secured. Just like me. In his arms.

In the next moment I felt our foreheads rest together and his nose nudge mine softly, Seth's own silent plea for my attention. He'd done it the first time we kissed and continued to do it in times when we were together like this. The sweetness and sincerity of that tiny, playful caress never failed to melt my heart and get me to open up to him. Just like it did now.

I opened my eyes and stared into his darkened, serious ones. I wanted to kiss those beautiful eyes and feel his long, thick lashes on my lips... but I was completely hypnotized by them. I was lost in them – in him.

We locked stares as his nose nudged mine again and his whole body shifted forward, slowly, softly, gently... and into mine.

I inhaled an agonizingly slow gasp as I felt him pressing into me. He was hard and hot against my sensitive skin... and I could have predicted that. But nothing could have prepared me for the way my body craved the way his was fitting with mine. I was expecting him to feel foreign... but it was anything but that. It was the complete opposite actually. It was like having sore muscles kneaded after a long run. I was hot and aching inside and he pressed against me, everywhere, filling me, and rubbing against where all the blood pooled and all the sensations gathered and...

Oh_... oh. _

I could tell when we reached the point that it was almost too much for me. I felt my back begin to arch as he continued to stretch me, and I tensed just the tiniest bit, not knowing how much farther he had to go. The second I did he stopped, his eyelids dropped closed and he leaned down to kiss me. There was nothing but the whisper of his lips against mine, and the way my desire pulsed around his while his pulsed in me for a minute or two.

Then there was a sharp breath in around my lips as his hips shifted back so, so slowly. I gasped and gripped his hand harder, tensing all over at the sensation I felt inside when he slid away. He only left me for a second, but my body was already blazing hot on the inside and wanting him back. I whimpered at the emptiness I felt and pressed my hand into the back of his neck, nudging him forward again.

I didn't have to ask twice.

He slid forward again and I felt my legs relax a bit at his sides with relief, welcoming him. His nose nudged against mine again and, realizing I had closed my eyes, I snapped them open to meet his. And that was when we he slid in further and touched something in me that made me gasp and quiver from head to toe. It was amazing and ignited a fire inside my body like I've never felt before.

Seth eyes roamed my face and he shook his head slowly, clenching his jaw slightly.

"How do you do it, Liv?" he whispered raggedly. "Make me feel like..." He seemed to shiver from head to toe then closed his eyes and bowed his head. I shivered in return, and when he felt it his eyes opened slowly and locked on mine.

I gasped at what I saw. His face was set in an expression that I'd seen many times before... in the faces of people lost in prayer at the church. Complete and total reverence radiated from him... and made my heart swell into my throat, the blood in my veins clamour for my skin to be next to his skin... and shook me. Inside out... his devotion to me in that moment shook me because it was all so much... so much, too much.

I closed my eyes and shook my head feeling beyond cherished and oh so humbled to be responsible for all of that love and devotion. He was giving me his heart, his body... and when he looked at me like that I felt like he was handing me his very soul.

"I love you, Liv," he whispered softly as he started to move in me again. He barely slid, choosing to rock back and forth just oh so slightly, making me tingle, quiver and warm up inside. The way he felt inside me... it's so hard to describe. It was like water on the beach, lapping at my toes, slipping, gently nipping, pulsing. Seth was the water, caressing me from the inside out in a slow, gentle shallow rhythm, and _oh... _I could feel the affects of it everywhere. He started a wave, a hot one, from where we were joined together, that rolled through my veins and warmed me up in searing, radiating waves that got larger with every move he made. Through my stomach, over my chest, my arms, my legs, up and over every inch of my skin until I was sure that my fingers and toes were radiating the heat – his heat... _our _heat.

His strong hand touched the skin of my thigh, shifting, moving it again... lifting it past his hip as he pressed in, in, in... so soft, so slowly... and slid deeper, touched more of me...

And the waves got stronger.

"I, _oh_..." I groaned out under my breath as my back arched and my hips started shifting with his. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew that I wanted to be part of this with him. I didn't want to be just an innocent bystander, I wanted to swim in the water with him, to dive in it, live it, breathe it... and by _it_, I meant _him_. He was the tide.

"Yeah," he whispered sweetly, acknowledging what I was feeling, how he was taking me higher and higher...I was climbing, climbing... everything inside me tightening, burning, tingling, more, more... "Do you feel me, Liv? I love you."

"Seth," I gasped out. I shook and felt my breathing pick up, it was getting jagged and uneven with both desire and nerves now... my chest rising and lowering quickly against his as they slid ever so slightly against each other.

He must have known, must have felt somehow that he was completely pulling me apart inside, how I felt hot, shaky, dizzy and so in love with him in that moment. I was _so _overwhelmed... almost out of control with it. But he knew, like he somehow always did, exactly what I needed. Because in the next instant he was closer, his entire frame pressing into mine a bit more, just until I could feel the weight of him, have him ground me a bit before I floated away.

"It's okay," he whispered shakily as one of his strong arms scooped me up and held me to him. "It's okay, Liv. I've got you, baby." He tightened his grip on my hand before releasing it and started sliding it up and over the skin of my hip, the dip of my waist, to the curve of my breast. He paused there, his thumb sliding back and forth over the underside and the peak as he rolled into me, not pulling out of me at all now where we were joined, just making tiny circles with his hips and rubbing around inside against every possible inch of heat that I had.

And somehow, some way... I needed _more_, wanted more, craved more. I arched up into him again, and felt my lips involuntarily searching for his.

"That's it," he murmured huskily into my mouth. "God, Olivia..."

I don't know how he managed to speak. I was tongue tied and breathless, my thoughts a scattered mess... My heart and body had completely taken over and my mind had definitely taken a back seat.

The only thing I knew was that I needed him.

I felt a shift in me again as the rolling between us got deeper and harder. He pushed, I countered and then circles got larger, touched more, went deeper until he rubbed against -

_Oh, oh, oh!_

"Look at me," he choked out in a strangled, pleading whisper. "Open your eyes, baby, please." His shaking hand was roaming everywhere, sliding, touching my skin, making me shiver.

I couldn't deny him anything. My eyes flew open and locked on his and, _oh_, the look on his face was something I'll never forget... jaw clenched, eyes tightening and burning, digging into mine.

Something close to a whimper mixed with a groan escaped his throat, making my eyes widen and my heart swell again. I clung to him with my arms, hands, legs... with everything I had.

And then there was _more_. He rolled and circled harder and deeper yet, right against _that place_ until I _oh, oh, oh'd _out loud and then locked against him everywhere I could. I whispered his name out as my arms clung to his neck, legs pressed into his hips, and my back arched bringing us completely together on the outside. Then I collapsed on the inside – around him, keeping him with me in me any way that I could.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from his as they flared.

I couldn't tear my heart away from his as they ran away together, beating a mile a minute, loving each other in a way that I hadn't ever known could exist.

And nothing on heaven or earth could make me tear my body away from his as he slowed and dug deeper inside of me, getting as close as he could get, before letting himself go.

He whispered my name before he fell, just like I did with him.

I felt a tear slip out of the corner of my eye when his forehead fell onto mine. Slick and hot, they slid against each other as he shakily rubbed his nose back and forth over mine, eyes closed, holding me to his strong body.

"I love you," I whispered before kissing him lightly, clumsily on the lips. I was a quivering mess, so alive, so in love... and oddly peaceful all at the same time. My body sank into the mattress and all of the muscles felt calm, unwound, undone, even though my blood still raced through my veins and my heart hadn't managed to come back down to its regular rhythm.

He didn't reply, just opened his eyes up to mine. The intensity in them... it was staggering. Seth is a man of few words, and when he does speak it's usually light and easy. There was nothing light or simple about the depth of what I saw in those warm, brown eyes of his. He didn't have to say anything at all for me to understand him. He was looking at me like I was everything, like nothing else mattered, not even food, water, air...

After a moment or two he broke his intense gaze, and leaned in to place the softest of kisses on my lips. Then he slid both of his hands underneath my shoulders and scooped me up, buried his face in my neck and rolled us to our sides. After a minute or so of silence I decided that Seth had the right idea. I just needed to stay close to him, too. So I buried my head in the crook of his neck, hugged him as tightly as I could to me and listened to our heartbeats as they calmed down together.

I wasn't sure how much later it was that I felt him shift us so that he was lying flat and I was draped over his chest. I'd drifted off to sleep at some point. The muscles in my back protested a bit from being twisted around him for so long and I groaned as I straightened them out while shifting to get comfortable.

"Hey," Seth mumbled sleepily, using his hand to tilt up my head to face him. Even in his sleep addled state his concern was written all over his face. "You alright?" he whispered softly.

I felt my own face blush, even as it softened at his concern. His eyes told me that he wasn't worried about stiff joints or limbs. He was worried that he'd hurt me earlier. He didn't have to be, there was no way he could have. He was so gentle... he'd handled my body like it was precious cargo. But I knew why he was. Our height was not the only big size difference between us... and it wasn't as though my body didn't notice. I did feel the after affects of being with him, but it didn't hurt enough to be worried about.

"No," I murmured. "I'm okay. It's just a stiff back."

His eyes searched mine until he was convinced I was telling him the truth, then he nodded, relieved, and closed his eyes to get back to sleep while I did the same... but not before feeling his hand lazily rubbing my back to try and make me feel better. I sighed and sank into him happily, hugging him a bit closer and thinking that being loved the way he loved me was the best birthday gift anyone could ever give me.

* * *

**:-) Best Birthday Gift Ever. **

**We'll hear from Seth next chapter and also have a jump forward in time to bring us just past the beginning of WG...  
**

**I hope to see you there.  
**

**~H  
**


End file.
